Comments on: I have a bad feeling about this

I have a bad feeling about this

dersins — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 13:30:07 -0800

"Wookiees and Bea Arthur? Luke Skywalker and Harvey Korman? Singing and dancing and storm troopers? If George Lucas had his way, no one would remember, but yes, Virginia, there was a Star Wars Holiday Special."

Indeed there was (Google video). [Holiday Special previously on metafilter: 1, 2] Bonus Star Wars audition footage below the fold.

Carrie Fisher's audition for the role of Leia. Mark Hamill's audition for the role of Luke. Kurt Russell's audition for the role of Han Solo. Cindy Williams' (!) audition for the role of Leia. Robby Benson's (!!) audition for the role of Luke. Andrew Stevens' (!!!) audition for the role of Luke. (How different would his career have been? Would we have had this great cinematic achievement?) Plus, from SNL, Kevin Spacey as Christopher Walken auditioning for the role of Han Solo.

By: dersins

dersins — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 13:30:58 -0800

[Vanity Fair article via metachat]

By: JoanArkham

JoanArkham — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 13:39:00 -0800

I bought a "collectors copy" of this for holiday viewing. Even for a trained Psychotronic fan such as myself, it was brutal.

By: chronkite

chronkite — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 13:39:11 -0800

I saw this when it aired, then spent the rest of my childhood trying to convince my classmates that Chewbacca had a family that lived in the trees and growled at each other and celebrated Christmas, no Life Day or something, and no, I'm not thinking of Ewoks, they were WOOKIES, and .......oh nevermind. When I saw a pirated version of this a few years ago, I was delighted to find out I wasn't crazy. SUCK IT, SCOTT E. JOHNSON ELEMENTARY!

By: padraigin

padraigin — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 13:41:32 -0800

A guy stole my copy several years ago and I have never known how to feel about that.

By: Joe Beese

Joe Beese — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 13:42:55 -0800

Nothing brings out the magic in Lucas's dialogue like someone running lines with an auditioner. "At last the world is safe, eh, Fallout Boy?"

By: porn in the woods

porn in the woods — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 13:50:12 -0800

Get the RiffTrax for the SWHS, where they riff on the vintage 1978 commercials (actually funnier than the riffs on the "Special" itself). Happy Life Day, everyone!

By: rusty

rusty — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 13:50:25 -0800

I have a copy of this. And people always want to see it, and I tell them no, and explain it this way: It's like heroin. There's no way to describe it to you that doesn't make it sound sort of cool. But it is. Not. Cool.

By: shakespeherian

shakespeherian — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 13:52:20 -0800

Luke Skywalker and Harvey Korman? I read that as Luke Skywalker and Harmony Korine and was momentarily excited.

By: jbickers

jbickers — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 14:02:18 -0800

By: COBRA!

COBRA! — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 14:04:26 -0800

In the summer of 1978, Bruce Vilanch had a bad feeling about the Star Wars television special he'd been hired to write. Bruce Vilanch? Oh my god, suddenly it all becomes clear. I had no idea.

By: COBRA!

COBRA! — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 14:14:22 -0800

On the other hand, While flipping through a book of production stills, Vilanch says, the Star Wars creator came across a particularly provocative-looking creature. "Lucas, who had been pretty stolid the whole time, turned to me and said: 'Oh yes, we call him Cuntface.' And that's what it looked like, actually. I noticed in a later movie"—Return of the Jedi—"that Lucas had, like, a huge vagina in the desert that sucked things in. So, I think this is one of his leitmotifs." kind of reduces my Vilanch-hatred a tiny bit.

By: DiscourseMarker

DiscourseMarker — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 14:16:01 -0800

I have a very vague memory of a scene where stormtroopers entered the house of some ewoks, and in particular the little kid's room, where they tore apart his stuffed animals, looking for something. It really upset me at the time. It was Lumpy's room (Chewbacca's son), so not ewoks, but otherwise accurate. I don't know what it says about me that I have watched this special, several times, intentionally, as an adult.

By: lekvar

lekvar — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 14:20:23 -0800

I'm a big nerd, it's part of my genetic makeup, like I have some kind of antenna that picks up nerd-lore and fan trivia from the very ether itself. But somehow I'd never herd of this until '99 or so. A friend took great pleasure in exposing me to this... thing. Now, I have a pretty high tolerance for the weird, cheesy, bad films of this world, whether of the arthouse variety or the in-the-backyard-with-an-8mm-camera variety. I only made it through about 10 minutes of the Holiday Special.

By: aramaic

aramaic — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 14:20:51 -0800

You must all remember this broadcast. You must remember it, for it heralds your doom. ...one day soon I will complete my metamorphosis and rise, like the sun, a destroyer from the east. My rippling machine body will be slathered with the grease of a thousand-thousand Belgians, glistening in the light of the End of Days. This is the broadcast which began my transformation. This is the broadcast which has eaten away the antique and decayed morality of my mind, leaving only the pure crystalline perfection of hate. In endless dark nights it ate away at me, purifying me, perfecting me. Never sleeping. Never stopping. Always the dark terrible whispers, always the vague disquieting memories, never proven, never believed. Too late you see it. Too late you recognize the instrument it has wrought. Behold.

By: jpdoane

jpdoane — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 14:21:07 -0800

2:30 in the Hamill audition, he calls Harrison Ford Hans

By: thermonuclear.jive.turkey

thermonuclear.jive.turkey — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 14:33:38 -0800

Just imagine: Snake Plissken sneaking into the death star, to rescue... Shirley!

By: dersins

dersins — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 14:38:10 -0800

With the assistance of her brother, a charter member of the Skinemax hall-of-fame.

By: panboi

panboi — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 14:49:29 -0800

Why would Chewbacca want to live on Kashyyyk, with a pair of wookiees called Lumpy and Itchy? That does not make sense! Why would Princess Leia sing to wookiees? It does not make sense! Why would Art Carney and Bea Arthur be part of the Star Wars universe? It does not make sense! Ladies and gentlemen, I am not making any sense! None of this makes sense! And so you have to remember, when you're you're viewing the Star Wars Holiday Special, it does not make sense. The defense rests.

By: ob

ob — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 14:54:12 -0800

I've never seen the special, as I was too young and in the wrong country at the time, but I have heard many tales of it glittering crapitude, so I guess I should watch it. Too many people have warned me not to so if it makes me weep I know that it's only my own fault.

By: Smedleyman

Smedleyman — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 14:58:07 -0800

Lucas wouldn't want this to be seen? I'm surprised he's not already marketing breakfast cereal on the nostalgia and has special edition action figures on the shelves.

By: CynicalKnight

CynicalKnight — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 15:01:19 -0800

I have watched this special, several times, intentionally, as an adult Please, seek counselling before you move on to cutting.

By: InfidelZombie

InfidelZombie — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 15:01:42 -0800

Lucas had, like, a huge vagina in the desert that sucked things in this man has obviously not seen many vaginas.

By: ob

ob — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 15:05:34 -0800

Christ, I had to stop it five minutes in. This might take me a few days to get through...

By: PlusDistance

PlusDistance — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 15:10:01 -0800

Having him live on Kashyyyk with a wife and two sons makes a hell of a lot more sense than having him go from A LEADER OF THE REBELLION to second-in-command to some random smuggler. And say what you want, the prequel trilogy would have been a whole lot less painful with some Art Carney in it.

By: darth_tedious

darth_tedious — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 15:17:48 -0800

Fortunately, this never, ever happened.

By: Joey Michaels

Joey Michaels — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 15:19:47 -0800

I remember seeing this when I was a kid and trying to figure out how it was possible for Chewbakka to be the only survivor of his people and still have a Wookie family at the same time.

By: doctor_negative

doctor_negative — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 15:29:22 -0800

Although Lucas has subsequently had the special disappeared from American television—it has never again been officially aired or released in any video format—Star Wars geeks have not let the world forget that, even more than Jar Jar Binks, this is the one true embarrassment attached to the mostly superlative Star Wars universe. How does 2 good movies and 4 real stinkers add up to mostly superlative?

By: filthy light thief

filthy light thief — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 15:38:26 -0800

How does 2 good movies and 4 real stinkers add up to mostly superlative? If you consider yourself a Sci-Fi or Fantasy fan, you have the ability to fend off reality, even if some of that reality is related to that which you love. Luke was never a whiny runt in the same way that really hot girl in high school could have been into you, if you ever had the nerve to talk to her. Realities are bent for the better.

By: filthy light thief

filthy light thief — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 15:40:30 -0800

That, and the prequel trilogy is generally considered to be sub-standard fare by everyone, and ignored as part of the Greater Star Wars Universe.

By: The Card Cheat

The Card Cheat — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 16:13:01 -0800

I only made it through about 10 minutes of the Holiday Special. So I guess you didn't make it through to the scene where Grandpa Itchy sits in some sort of virtual reality chair and apparently has an orgasm while watching Diahann Carroll attempt to seduce him? Your life is much ~~poorer~~ richer for it.

By: homunculus

homunculus — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 17:03:32 -0800

In other Star Wars news: BioWare Lifts Filter On Gay, Lesbian Star Wars Discussion, Issues Apology

By: zardoz

zardoz — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 17:09:08 -0800

The most mindblowing part to me: CHEWBACCA'S DAD'S VIRTUAL REALITY CYBERSEX. Of sorts.

By: ShawnString

ShawnString — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 17:34:23 -0800

Is it wrong that i just scanned through it to see the ads? Added bonus that is from a local station.

By: Bora Horza Gobuchul

Bora Horza Gobuchul — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 17:39:59 -0800

You all poke fun. But how many are aware of how deeply, how stealthily, the Star Wars canon has sunk into your unsuspecting minds? Consider:

Boba Fett is never mentioned by name in The Empire Strikes Back.
The word Ewoks is never uttered in any of the movies.

By: hippybear

hippybear — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 19:35:31 -0800

Bora Horza Gobuchul: Actually, having lived through all this the first time around, and with great enthusiasm... I took pride in having the novelizations in hand to read right after seeing the movie for the first time, often while I sat in line to see the film again the same day. It was a point of honor at the age of 12 to know the arcane names of background creatures, and often it was only through the books that you learned that stuff. Or if you sat through the credits you might catch a name like Boba Fett. But isn't Boba Fett featured in an animated sequence in the very holiday special this post is about? And indeed, he says, "My name is Boba Fett" about 3.5 minutes into it. The concept "Ewoks" should never have been uttered at all.

By: emjaybee

emjaybee — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 19:36:52 -0800

So corrupted have I become by two(!) viewings of this that when Bea Arthur died, I texted my husband "is that a tear, friend?" which was one of her many regrettable lyrics sung to rubber-suited actors in the cantina scene. I can only expain my ability to get through this more than once by my early lengthy exposure to years of 70s variety shows as a child; later generations haven't had that toughening process, so they find it a tougher slog.

By: mediareport

mediareport — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 20:03:44 -0800

I truly, truly love the Star Wars Holiday Special. It's such an amazingly perfect glimpse into the brain of someone writing complete hackwork with no self-awareness whatsoever. I could watch it over and over again.

By: ricochet biscuit

ricochet biscuit — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 20:18:13 -0800

Get the RiffTrax for the SWHS, where they riff on the vintage 1978 commercials (actually funnier than the riffs on the "Special" itself). The commercials are actually a lot more interesting than the special itself. Forgotten seventies toys (Tobor!). Promos for barely-recalled shows. And most startling of all, a PSA for labour unions... things were very different in the old days.

By: gompa

gompa — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 20:29:11 -0800

I can only expain my ability to get through this more than once by my early lengthy exposure to years of 70s variety shows as a child; later generations haven't had that toughening process, so they find it a tougher slog. Good point. It's reminding me that my six-year-old, circa '79, was under the vague impression that famous people of various sorts got together periodically to offer "tributes" or "salutes" to things as part of the natural course of human affairs. Look, it's the Macy's Thanksgiving parade! Look, it's Battle of the Network Stars! All part of the tidy march of human events . . . That said, the first time I saw The Star Wars Christmas Special as an adult - on a grainy, hiccupping, fourth-generation VHS tape - it broke my brain so fully I can't say for certain I'm recovered even now. In a way, that was kind of the magic of pre-internet pop culture - sometimes, you just never did learn how the fuck what you just saw could've possibly come to pass.

By: gompa

gompa — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 20:30:22 -0800

. . . that should be "my six-year-old self" . . .

By: Catch

Catch — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 20:38:56 -0800

Anyone else notice the meaningful looks Mrs. Chewbacca was throwing Han Solo? What's that all about? So disturbing that it is the only thing I remember about the show.

By: crinklebat

crinklebat — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 21:00:05 -0800

I've never seen it, but my dad had the Star Wars Christmas album "Christmas in the Stars", which I'd wager is similarly execrable, and had taped "What Can You Get a Wookiee for Christmas (When He Already Owns a Comb)?" onto a tape that was in heavy rotation around Christmas time. As a result, my two sisters and I all know every word of "What Can You Get a Wookiee for Christmas (When He Already Owns a Comb)?" with all the correct voices. For those curious, after going through several options (including a tie clip, galoshes, a hat, and shaving foam) the singers decide on love and understanding, and goodwill to men. Kind of a cop-out since it's revealed at the beginning of the song that they've gotten normal, material gifts for everyone else. My early exposure to "Christmas in the Stars" has made me quite certain I never need to sample any other Star Wars-related holiday entertainment.

By: mazola

mazola — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 21:44:03 -0800

Having him live on Kashyyyk with a wife and two sons makes a hell of a lot more sense than having him go from A LEADER OF THE REBELLION to second-in-command to some random smuggler. Wookie's gotta eat.

By: DiscourseMarker

DiscourseMarker — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 22:57:47 -0800

I can only expain my ability to get through this more than once by my early lengthy exposure to years of 70s variety shows as a child Also, alcohol helps.

By: Spatch

Spatch — Thu, 30 Apr 2009 07:58:21 -0800

Vilanch says it was Lucas who named Chewbacca's father and son, respectively, Itchy and Lumpy (though Star Wars nerds will note that the names are actually abbreviations of Attichitcuk and Lumpawarrump). Well, that just makes everything better.

By: Atom Eyes

Atom Eyes — Thu, 30 Apr 2009 09:14:53 -0800

Character names from the Star Wars movies that are every bit as dumb as Itchy and Lumpy: Salacious B. Crumb Biggs Darklighter Count Dooku Kit Fisto General Grievous Poggle the Lesser Jek Porkins Sy Snootles Zorba the Hutt

By: ChurchHatesTucker

ChurchHatesTucker — Thu, 30 Apr 2009 10:40:17 -0800

Still standing? Want more? Christmas in the Stars.

By: ROU_Xenophobe

ROU_Xenophobe — Thu, 30 Apr 2009 12:08:12 -0800

Following Atom Eyes: Sio Bibble Bib Fortuna Nute Gunray Plo Koon Lobot Conan Antonio Motti Lorth Needa Mace Windu

By: dersins

dersins — Thu, 30 Apr 2009 12:22:10 -0800

You guys don't have to dig so deep for ridiculous Star Wars names. Luke Skywalker (get it? he's a great pilot !) Han Solo (get it? he's a loner!) Darth Vader (get it? he's the dark father!)

By: cog_nate

cog_nate — Thu, 30 Apr 2009 13:25:04 -0800

The only thing I really remembered about the SWHS, after watching it as a kid, is the guy in the cantina who poured the drink into the top of his head. (Also, I can scarcely ever remember the correct spelling of wookiee. I googled wookie, and this (some NSFW photos in the galleries) was the third hit result. Thank you, internet!)

By: Fuzzy Monster

Fuzzy Monster — Thu, 30 Apr 2009 14:34:09 -0800

the Star Wars Christmas album "Christmas in the Stars" Chewbacca Jesus

By: computech_apolloniajames

computech_apolloniajames — Thu, 30 Apr 2009 20:13:24 -0800

I was all of 11 when I saw this in the original TV broadcast. My brother was 8. Thank God my parents were not in the same room. They didn't permit me to watch "Charlie's Angels" because of the alleged racy content. As a kid who absolutely adored the movie, I recall only being rather disappointed in the Holiday Special, and remembering that it was kinda weird. Well, nothing could prepare me for watching it a couple years ago on a VHS copy my sister bought. Hooooo, Nelly! Ditto on the commercials' being a fascinating piece of arcana.

By: koeselitz

koeselitz — Thu, 30 Apr 2009 20:27:46 -0800

This is my favorite reference to The Star Wars Holiday Special.