Mmm, fully rugged.
April 30, 2009 9:28 AM   Subscribe

Your laptop computer says a lot about you. Maybe my husband and I need to put more thought into our purchases. We'd want to make sure we're projecting the correct images, right? posted by Neofelis (63 comments total) 5 users marked this as a favorite
 
Oh cripes, my wife already wants one of these sub-notebooks or whatever they call them now. Availability in pink would mean my (3 year old) daughter would ALSO get one.
posted by DU at 9:33 AM on April 30, 2009


I read an Ask Slashdot post in which a male poster's masculinity was apparently threatened by his tiny laptop

The remainder of the joke is left as an exercise for the student.
posted by Joe Beese at 9:40 AM on April 30, 2009 [3 favorites]


My Lenovo is neon-pink; it came with a revealing portrait of Robert Mapplethorpe laser-engraved on the lid, surrounded (inexplicably) by a miasma of Hello Kitties. The slipcover is made of hand-knotted lace, and whats really weird? The whole thing smells like Jovan Musk. Thing is, I got a killer discount on the whole package, and seriously: a laptop's a laptop.
posted by everichon at 9:43 AM on April 30, 2009 [7 favorites]


Although those toughbook ads are stupid testosterone-laden piles of dogshit, Toughbooks themselves are all kinds of awesome. I used to use them working in a nursery (the flower kind, that is), and I'd regularly toss it into the dirt when I was checking something, or walk under the sprinklers with them , etc etc. Not to mention just being able to read the screen out in the light. Or dropping on from the top of a 20-foot greenhouse by accident and it still being on.

Nurseries are manly, right?

RIGHT?!
posted by Lemurrhea at 9:45 AM on April 30, 2009 [3 favorites]


Mine says that I'm handsome and have a huge cock, because I wrote that on the chassis.
posted by Mister_A at 9:48 AM on April 30, 2009 [7 favorites]


At least I know where to look first if I need "mobile computing power with that all important feminine touch."

Get a Mac!
posted by Artw at 9:49 AM on April 30, 2009 [2 favorites]


Seriously? Are we THAT hung up on gender and sexuality in this world? Oh wait... never mind. I thought I had wandered into a sane dimension where laptops aren't penis and tit extensions.


... I'm going to be over here with my old macbook, being plain and unobtrusively styled. And purposefully gender neutral.
posted by strixus at 9:50 AM on April 30, 2009


Jesus, this photo.

I bought an LG Envy2*, and found out a male acquaintance had recently purchased the same phone. I said something like, "Hey, I've got the same phone as you, but I got the reddish color", he responded, "Yeah, course you got the girl color." I was pretty offended. I know I have way more leet skillz than this guy, but the idea that my technology purchase could be reduced to the "girl color" still rubbed me the wrong way, and it's a very understated burgundy, not barbie pink.

I've also heard the sentiment that apple only "makes laptops for 14 year old girls", even though my 17in unibody is a precision crafted technological feat that makes all the engineers I know drool. And it only comes in one color.

Just goes to show, that anything can make your penis smaller. From your choice in TV dinners to laptops.

*fyi, thats not my blog, just had a good photo of the two colors
posted by fontophilic at 9:50 AM on April 30, 2009 [1 favorite]


Lemurrhea: You bet the nurseries are manly, tractors are involved.

That said, my macbook is happily a gay British prince and damn proud of it.
posted by thebestsophist at 9:54 AM on April 30, 2009


Mine doesn't even have a keyboard, it's just a bunch of tiny shoes and a matching handbag on the side. Once a month I insert a dozen cookies into the hard drive.
posted by A Terrible Llama at 9:56 AM on April 30, 2009 [9 favorites]


This is retarded. I use a MacBook Pro because I'm an mock-turtleneck-wearing aesthete eunuch who has evolved above your petty human emotions.
posted by GuyZero at 9:58 AM on April 30, 2009 [5 favorites]


Yeah, I kinda secretly want one of the toughbooks. And nurseries are totally manly. And that pink "Women in IT!" ad made me cringe. And...I also want a Mac again. I miss my old Mac.
posted by Neofelis at 9:58 AM on April 30, 2009


Mine doesn't even have a keyboard, it's just a bunch of tiny shoes and a matching handbag on the side. Once a month I insert a dozen cookies into the hard drive.

Llama, I think you have a well-dressed little dog, not a computer. They can be confusing to the novice dog handler / computer user.
posted by filthy light thief at 10:00 AM on April 30, 2009 [2 favorites]


The My Little Pony PC is actually pretty cool.
posted by brain_drain at 10:03 AM on April 30, 2009


I've also heard the sentiment that apple only "makes laptops for 14 year old girls", even though my 17in unibody is a precision crafted technological feat that makes all the engineers I know drool. And it only comes in one color.

wanted: 17 in. MAcBOock, one-cut.
posted by geos at 10:06 AM on April 30, 2009 [1 favorite]


My Sager NP9262 is huge, powerful, and black, just like my.
posted by Meatbomb at 10:08 AM on April 30, 2009


Like your what? Don't leave us hanging.
posted by Science! at 10:17 AM on April 30, 2009


I'm a woman with a netbook, and I get a lot of dude attention and interest when I'm using it in a public place. They're still so unusual, even on college campuses, that you really do end up as a product evangelist. (I once had someone ask me if my EeePC fit in my purse. I looked back blankly, held up my enormous backpack, and said "Purse?")

To get a little further back on topic, the second page is a sly introduction to the idea of marked and unmarked identities - a big deal in discussions of sexism in the workplace, especially for male-dominated fields like IT. I generally don't expect that kind of thing from IT magazines. Pretty cool.
posted by yomimono at 10:17 AM on April 30, 2009


My Sager NP9262 is huge, powerful, and black, just like my.
dildo?
posted by Lemurrhea at 10:17 AM on April 30, 2009 [4 favorites]


I have an old, beat up Acer laptop cover in music stickers and Edward Gorey stickers.

I have nothing more to add, just thought I'd share.
posted by Dr-Baa at 10:19 AM on April 30, 2009



My Sager NP9262 is huge, powerful, and black, just like my...


...cup of coffee.
posted by Dr-Baa at 10:19 AM on April 30, 2009


I'm perfectly happy with my normal-sized, not-too-rugged Acer laptop, but I'm definitely considering something like this for my next cell phone. I want a phone that I can dropkick thirty feet when I get mad at it.
posted by Faint of Butt at 10:19 AM on April 30, 2009


There lives Nursultan Tulyakbay. He's still asshole. I get iPod, he only get iPod Mini. Everybody know it for girls!
posted by Durn Bronzefist at 10:20 AM on April 30, 2009


This is why I carry an entire server rack on my back. Like a real man.

Although that may explain the crippling back problems.
posted by educatedslacker at 10:29 AM on April 30, 2009


My Sager NP9262 is huge, powerful, and black, just like my...

President?
posted by zerobyproxy at 10:30 AM on April 30, 2009 [10 favorites]


My Sager NP9262 is huge, powerful, and black, just like my ...
secretary

(... amongst other things that a laptop is a substitute for ...)
posted by bl1nk at 10:34 AM on April 30, 2009


Before I started university, I went shopping for a laptop with my father. He's like, 'buy the pink one, because then nobody will steal it.' I so wasn't going to listen to him, and got a shiny silver one instead.

After I started I met this woman in my block, and she's got a new laptop too, but in a bright shocking pink. I go, 'wow, that's pretty bright!' And she's, 'yeah, my dad bought it for me, he says that people don't steal pink ones.'

So, moral of the story is, my stories suck.
posted by Sova at 10:44 AM on April 30, 2009 [5 favorites]


NEC Hello Kitty laptop
posted by needled at 10:49 AM on April 30, 2009



Llama, I think you have a well-dressed little dog, not a computer. They can be confusing to the novice dog handler / computer user.


I'm just a girl!
posted by A Terrible Llama at 10:49 AM on April 30, 2009 [1 favorite]


That Sinclair ZX81 has thrifty written all over it, and thrifty is the new black.
posted by caddis at 10:53 AM on April 30, 2009


My laptop says that my husband works in the IT department and has lots of older stuff he can bring home and use for free.

I win.
posted by Lucinda at 11:04 AM on April 30, 2009


I'm a guy. I used to carry a pink cellphone. And take it out of my pocket and put it on the table just like all the other dudes displaying their gadgets at the engineering meetings. The way people reacted said a lot about them.
posted by Nelson at 11:09 AM on April 30, 2009 [4 favorites]


And take it out of my pocket and put it on the table just like all the other dudes displaying their gadgets at the engineering meetings.

WTF, is this a macho thing or what? My partner has a friend who works at Microsoft and every time we go for dinner he whips out his cell phone and puts it on the goddamn table. Put your toys away while we eat, for fuckssake.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 11:15 AM on April 30, 2009 [2 favorites]


Not one of those management types who are constantly doing email from their phones? God those guys are irritating.
posted by Artw at 11:17 AM on April 30, 2009


This is why I hang a pair of truck nutz off my laptop.
posted by jefbla at 11:21 AM on April 30, 2009 [3 favorites]


I'm actually totally down with people judging me based on the fact that I'm a dude and I carry around a EEE. It helps me thin out the list of people whose opinions I have to give a shit about.
posted by SpiffyRob at 11:30 AM on April 30, 2009 [1 favorite]


FWIW I know a whole bunch of writers who dig the EEE as it lets them write down the pub easily.
posted by Artw at 11:31 AM on April 30, 2009


I said something like, "Hey, I've got the same phone as you, but I got the reddish color", he responded, "Yeah, course you got the girl color."

Did he follow this up by crushing a beer can on his head? Because that would be awesome.
posted by turaho at 11:31 AM on April 30, 2009 [1 favorite]


...possibly there should be a ruggedised (and spill resistant) netbook especially for this known as "The Hemingway".
posted by Artw at 11:32 AM on April 30, 2009 [1 favorite]


White Aspire One here. It says, "I'm weak."
posted by saysthis at 11:40 AM on April 30, 2009 [1 favorite]


The only thing my laptop says about me is 'I endanger motorcyclists,' because there's a sticker on it that says so.
posted by workerant at 11:51 AM on April 30, 2009


Just out of grad school I had a carbon-fiber black and red Acer Ferrari 4005. With matching mouse.

Now that Ferrari is being used by my 62-year-old father-in-law, while I type happily on my MacBook Pro. He thinks it's funny to see people's reactions to his laptop. But nobody reacts to mine now, because I am thinking differently just like everyone else.
posted by caution live frogs at 11:54 AM on April 30, 2009 [1 favorite]


The My Little Pony PC is actually pretty cool.

Does that come in Camo?
posted by Kirth Gerson at 11:57 AM on April 30, 2009


Pshaw. All you guys with your toughbooks are going about it the wrong way.

I'm holding on to my 12" PowerBook. Tiny laptops are like tiny dogs. Guys laugh, but chicks coo.

Whom are you trying to impress?
posted by ChurchHatesTucker at 12:07 PM on April 30, 2009


The only thing my laptop says about me is 'I endanger motorcyclists,' because there's a sticker on it that says so.

Are you a deer?
posted by flaterik at 12:12 PM on April 30, 2009 [1 favorite]


So, moral of the story is, my stories suck.

I think the real moral of the story is...brace yourself:
OMG your dad's a seekrit bigamist and you have a half-sister you never knew about.
posted by juv3nal at 12:17 PM on April 30, 2009 [1 favorite]


Just noticed that the article is written by Josh 'Comics Curmudgeon' Fruhlinger. Hey, good for him.
posted by box at 12:23 PM on April 30, 2009


EDDY: I thought I told you to buy a laptop.
BUBBLE: A lap... top? Top?
[opens her bag and reveals a small lap dog]
EDDY: Get rid of it.
BUBBLE: Oh! But I've grown so fond! And it's SO cute. And... it's not just for life! It's for Christmas!
posted by anvilcity at 1:11 PM on April 30, 2009


who on earth are these pussies who buy laptops?

i made mine myself - carved out of granite with my leatherman - one time when i spent three winter months in the Canadian rockies on a solo survivalist retreat, living off the land.

i did make a small concession to luxury, though. the granite was chafing my hip as a wandered around naked, spear in hand, so i made a carrybag out of the hide of a grizzly that i wrestled to death. so, i used the soft belly-skin. what's it to you?
posted by UbuRoivas at 1:32 PM on April 30, 2009


So wait.. I'm manly if my phone is small but my laptop is huge? Should my music be a small mp3 player, or a giant boombox?

I got rid of my 1970 bigger-than-a-refrigerator speakers for small speakers that are now more manly than the old big ones, but what about my car? SUV or Tesla?

Is there anything else that should be really really huge to properly represent my manhood?
posted by cccorlew at 2:31 PM on April 30, 2009


Is there anything else that should be really really huge to properly represent my manhood?
posted by cccorlew at 5:31 PM on April 30 [+] [!]


Your trousers?
posted by jb at 3:58 PM on April 30, 2009


your wallet?
posted by UbuRoivas at 4:02 PM on April 30, 2009


hang on - wristwatch!
posted by UbuRoivas at 4:02 PM on April 30, 2009


even though my 17in unibody is a precision crafted technological feat that makes all the engineers I know drool.

Am I the only person in the world that doesn't find a hollowed-out block of aluminum amazing? It's nice and all--good looking, environmentally friendlier--but it's no "technological feat." I bet if you asked him nicely, Norm Abram could make you one out of a nice piece of oak in all of ten minutes.
posted by Sys Rq at 4:10 PM on April 30, 2009 [1 favorite]


My Sager NP9262 is huge, powerful, and black, just like my.
posted by Meatbomb at 1:08 PM on April 30 [+] [!]

Like your what? Don't leave us hanging.


Some questions answer themselves.

I bet if you asked him nicely, Norm Abram could make you one out of a nice piece of oak in all of ten minutes.

An OakBook - I'd buy that.

I'm a man who carries a teeny-tiny computer in a little black purse. I thought small was the new big. What happened?
posted by me & my monkey at 4:41 PM on April 30, 2009


I bet if you asked him nicely, Norm Abram could make you one out of a nice piece of oak in all of ten minutes.

I'll take that bet. No video editing allowed.
posted by Kirth Gerson at 5:21 PM on April 30, 2009


I bet if you asked him nicely, Norm Abram could make you one out of a nice piece of oak in all of ten minutes.

Yeah, but he's got a ten-thousand dollar set of tools.
posted by ChurchHatesTucker at 5:52 PM on April 30, 2009


WTF, is this a macho thing or what? My partner has a friend who works at Microsoft and every time we go for dinner he whips out his cell phone and puts it on the goddamn table. Put your toys away while we eat, for fuckssake.

There are other reasons for putting your phone on the table. For me, some of my pants have shallow pockets and I don't want my phone falling out onto the floor. I also don't wear a watch, so my cellphone is my watch. For some reason I like to constantly check the time, so it's easier to keep the phone out on the table, instead of taking it out and putting it back in the pocket a million times.
posted by MaryDellamorte at 10:05 PM on April 30, 2009 [1 favorite]


I'm a man who carries a teeny-tiny computer in a little black purse. I thought small was the new big. What happened?

A man with a teeny-tiny computer is one thing, but a man with a little black purse?
posted by effbot at 4:48 AM on May 1, 2009


Oh! But I've grown so fond! And it's SO cute. And... it's not just for life! It's for Christmas!

Well, I'd definitely use whatever computer Jane Horrocks bought for me. Even if it wasn't a computer.
posted by effbot at 4:49 AM on May 1, 2009


I bought a girly-red leather case for my Asus eee, £15 off eBay. It matches my shirt. And you know what happens? Girls stop and ask me where I got it.
posted by Hogshead at 7:19 AM on May 1, 2009


Y'all can have your netbooks. I have no use for them. If I can't play WoW or Second Life on a machine, the heck with it. (and yeah, I'm female, if you can't tell by the nickname.) I love my 17" Dell widescreen dual core laptop. Who needs pink? I got a nifty multicolored tie dye skin for it. Can't miss it in a sea of boring silver and/or black PCs. :-D
posted by keptwench at 2:47 PM on May 1, 2009


So, my super-small x300 is now not cool? Solid black, less than 1" thin and 13.3" viewable area?

$3300 not well spent.
posted by subaruwrx at 9:50 AM on May 4, 2009


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