"We cannot hold a torch to light another's path without brightening our own."

May 4, 2009 8:44 AM

Stuck in the dark without a flashlight and want to impress your friends? Make your own torch!

Too complicated? Here's an easier one. Alternatively, you could go with a more traditional approach, though you may find modern designs to be a bit safer.

Still not enough? How about adding some color to the flames?

posted by quin (34 comments total)

Awesome, I'm all set now. I'll be waiting over in MetaTalk if anyone needs me.
posted by Dr-Baa at 8:59 AM on May 4 [1 favorite has favorites]

Anyone know how to make a pitchfork to go along with this?
posted by fuq at 8:59 AM on May 4

Anarchism just isn't what it used to be.

You need a website to show you how to burn something on a stick?
posted by yhbc at 9:01 AM on May 4 [8 favorites has favorites]

But it costs less than a dollar! It's anarchism for the budget-minded hooligan.
posted by Dr-Baa at 9:03 AM on May 4

Sega is way better than Nintendo.
posted by popcassady at 9:09 AM on May 4 [1 favorite has favorites]

Doesn't this work better with pitch?
posted by Pollomacho at 9:12 AM on May 4

One of the great things I've noticed about carrying torch fuel on my person 24/7 is that I can pretty much make anything into a torch.
posted by dosterm at 9:13 AM on May 4

The best of the web? Really?
posted by peewinkle at 9:13 AM on May 4

and I thought you were going to teach me how to make a "flashlight."
posted by caddis at 9:17 AM on May 4

I'd much rather curse the darkness.
posted by kuujjuarapik at 9:21 AM on May 4 [1 favorite has favorites]

This needed a How To? It must be the 2009 equivalent of "How to Boil Water".

Reminds me of Wood, In Popular Culture.
posted by rokusan at 9:21 AM on May 4 [1 favorite has favorites]

I love when instructables have some insanely low price for materials cost, because "things I have around already cost nothing." This $10 bottle of oil, $5 hammer, $3 t-shirt, were things I already had, and I found the piece of wood, so that's free, I only paid for the staples I used.
posted by borkencode at 9:27 AM on May 4 [2 favorites has favorites]

Stuck in the dark without a flashlight...

I'm guessing that being in the dark and unable to see a thing does not equal the best possible time to be playing with kerosene and matches.

It reminds me of the lad from the next village down who decided to work on his motorbike by candlelight.
posted by Sova at 9:29 AM on May 4

Now if there was just an instructable showing me how to make my own 10 meter length of rope, and some scale mail, and a short sword, I could go dungeon crawling. Maybe if I sit here and wait, and reload the page a bunch.
posted by dammitjim at 9:30 AM on May 4 [2 favorites has favorites]

stupid.
posted by ElmerFishpaw at 9:31 AM on May 4

Maybe if I sit here and wait, and reload the page a bunch.

Nothing happens.
Nothing happens.
Nothing happens.
Nothing happens.
posted by rokusan at 9:31 AM on May 4

I'd rather be eaten by a grue.
posted by Balisong at 9:33 AM on May 4 [2 favorites has favorites]

Nothing happens.
Nothing happens.
Random encounter: the thread is attacked by trolls.
posted by rokusan at 9:33 AM on May 4

This torch -- it burns?

On preview, caddis beat me to it.
posted by Durn Bronzefist at 9:42 AM on May 4

Anyone know how to make a pitchfork to go along with this?

Step 1) join college radio station
Step 2) become unimpressed with all things "indie" and "popular," even in the limited circles of college radio
Step 3) gather like-minded individuals, start ranting
Step 4) design websites for said like-minded individuals to share their distaste and bitter feelings online
Step 5) success.

Oh, a real-life pitchfork. Right.
posted by filthy light thief at 9:46 AM on May 4

Tonight on The Internet: Fire is bright.
Tomorrow night: Also hot.
posted by DU at 9:51 AM on May 4

Item 1: 10 meter length of rope
Item 2: scale mail or chainmail
Item 3: short sword (I don't trust you with anything really sharp)

I hope your refresh finger didn't get too tired.
posted by filthy light thief at 9:53 AM on May 4

This is why I can't stand on-line teaching videos. You could spend 2:35 watching this or four seconds reading this: "mix one cup rubbing alcohol with 1/2 cup water, soak rag in the mixture, wring it out, tie it around a rod, light it with a match."
posted by twsf at 9:56 AM on May 4 [3 favorites has favorites]

"When there's nothing left to burn, you have to set yourself on fire."
posted by Rangeboy at 10:29 AM on May 4 [2 favorites has favorites]

From the "short sword" link:

Tips
Try very hard.

I approve.
posted by ook at 10:32 AM on May 4

The best of the web? Really?

Is there a Metafilter rule that this comment has to be in every thread?
posted by Dr. Send at 10:57 AM on May 4

"to keep the rag taught ..."

Rags need learnin'!
posted by mr_crash_davis mark II: Jazz Odyssey at 11:05 AM on May 4

Metafilter: It's anarchism for the budget-minded hooligan.
posted by CynicalKnight at 11:08 AM on May 4

Your torch goes out with a fizzle. With out-stretched arms, you move slowly, looking for a light. Suddenly, you trip over something!! Smash!! You fall face first to the floor!!

>>>>>>, >>>>>>>>>

It's a sad thing your adventures have ended here! If only you had seen this website!
posted by jake at 11:15 AM on May 4

Our maintenance director assembled an angry, torch-and-pitchfork mob to use as the ultimate Assasination Game weapon one of the years I worked as a camp counselor. His technique was superior a number of regards: he used tent surplus canvas lay flatly and then bound with bailing wire over 2x4s. Serious lumber makes a difference, as does care in construction and material choice, especially in mob contexts. The torches were given to theatrical campfire lighting and lasted throughout the summer and in a pinch could have been used in serious hand-to-hand.

Nobody ever fucked with that guy again.
posted by Ogre Lawless at 11:31 AM on May 4

You've got to kick at the darkness 'til it bleeds daylight.
posted by Sys Rq at 12:15 PM on May 4

I can make a rock into a hammer. It'll take me about half an hour to show you how though, and I'm kind of busy.
posted by From Bklyn at 2:27 PM on May 4

Now this here, she's a real beaut. TwentyPoint Inc auto-loading semi-automatic double-barreled torch-firing pitchfork. Perfect for self defense, raiding fortresses and political instability. She's got a patent pending MobJus trigger system, for that real light touch, and the AcurAim TriLok HS PL 1789 Revolution barrel system gives you unsurpassed dimensional integrity for accurate, repeatable torch flight with TwentyPoint Inc no-dud auto-timed white phosphorus Heavenly Light incendiary torch ammo. Lighting your way to the future by burning someone else's.
posted by stavrogin at 4:08 PM on May 4

caddis: "and I thought you were going to teach me how to make a "flashlight.""

I can imagine the Instructables version of that :

"Step 1: Go to the dime store and buy a cheap flashlight."

Step 2 involves a dremel...
posted by Pinback at 11:29 PM on May 4