64 Things Every Geek Should Know

May 4, 2009 5:56 PM

64 Things Every Geek Should Know.
posted by snsranch (51 comments total)

When I first clicked, I got a server error and thought it was some sort of joke. I was sort of let down when it loaded correctly on refresh.
posted by brundlefly at 6:00 PM on May 4, 2009

-1 windows specific

this mac geek could care less
posted by unSane at 6:00 PM on May 4, 2009 [1 favorite]

How babies are made?
posted by cogneuro at 6:01 PM on May 4, 2009

I honestly wonder how many people who know enough about computers to install and use Linux leave the insecure "recovery mode" enabled in GRUB.
posted by sonic meat machine at 6:04 PM on May 4, 2009

There's nothing in there about Cylons. It is not comprehensive.
posted by jeoc at 6:06 PM on May 4, 2009 [2 favorites]

Ummmm.....doesn't P2P stand for "peer-to-peer," not "person-to-person"?
posted by Bromius at 6:08 PM on May 4, 2009 [5 favorites]

Not that I'm a geek or anything...
posted by Bromius at 6:08 PM on May 4, 2009

65. Not Reading Crappy Digg-Bait Lists Designed to Boost Site Traffic

66. That Items in Lists Should Be Grammatically Parallel Rather than a Mix of Gerunds, Infinitives, and Nouns

67. How to Use the Apostrophe
posted by RogerB at 6:11 PM on May 4, 2009 [11 favorites]

SATA = Serial ATA

Oh yeah that's helpful. Fail.
posted by jimmythefish at 6:14 PM on May 4, 2009 [5 favorites]

Goddamn it I'm such a dork. Not only have I done pretty much everything on the list, but I could add to it. (What, no lockpicking? Legos? How to paint a model? What about small, simple shell scripts or command line strings?)


Also, 64. The Fastest way to Kill a Computer - use a stun gun on the innards while it's running. Start with the video card and sound card for the amusement factor then move on to the ram and mainboard. Sometimes they make really ridiculous noises or video signals as their precious little PNP junctions get fused in the most alarming ways.
posted by loquacious at 6:14 PM on May 4, 2009 [1 favorite]

as an internet surfer, you should know all 64 reasons why blair mathis is better than you.
posted by the aloha at 6:16 PM on May 4, 2009

64 Things to do in WalMart!
posted by william_boot at 6:16 PM on May 4, 2009

12. Load Rockbox onto an MP3 Player

Retarded. No one cares.

Recover a database after I delete the primary keys via a snapshot of the transaction log? oh yeah. That's some good geek shit there. Know where to find a good .virc that properly loads syntax highlighting for Erlang? You bet. 38. Wiring a Home Theater System? Stop breathing through your goddamn mouth - anyone who has an IQ over room temperature can do that shit.

And "fix you mom's printer drivers over the phone" should be on there because you'll actually do that, unlike "cracking a wifi password".

This list was written by some nerd who doesn't know anything about computers.
posted by GuyZero at 6:16 PM on May 4, 2009 [7 favorites]

27. Read 1337 At Normal Speed

Go to hell.
posted by Science! at 6:16 PM on May 4, 2009 [9 favorites]

posted by cogneuro How babies are made?

They need to do way instain mother.
posted by mattdidthat at 6:18 PM on May 4, 2009 [3 favorites]

Pretty weak sauce. A bunch of 'em are either obsolete or contain missing/erroneous information.
posted by ...possums at 6:18 PM on May 4, 2009

questions everyone should ask themselves:

64. will you still feed me?
posted by the aloha at 6:18 PM on May 4, 2009 [9 favorites]

Stop breathing through your goddamn mouth

No offense to people with adenoid issues, btw.
posted by GuyZero at 6:22 PM on May 4, 2009 [1 favorite]

#include "std_disdain.h"

posted by kickback at 6:22 PM on May 4, 2009 [4 favorites]

20% misinformation, 30% obvious, 50% irrelevant.

I mean, come on. A link to a RAM defragmenter, the utility programmed by and for people who don't understand caching.
posted by fleetmouse at 6:22 PM on May 4, 2009 [7 favorites]

12. Load Rockbox onto an MP3 Player

I'd missed that one. Sounds good to me. Any reason why not?
posted by StickyCarpet at 6:23 PM on May 4, 2009

Keyloggers: Internet cafes are the most likely place you'll find them, followed by library, perhaps, and maybe even you own house if you've some unscrupulous friends/family.

As a librarian, I would like to tell these dudes to just fuck the fuck off. Instead, though, I'll just point out the often poor quality of information that can be found on the internet. Learning how to evaluate the value and credibility of a website is a big part of media literacy. Here are a couple baby steps:

Is it a .gov, .edu or .org? Nope.
Are the links on the site up-to-date and reliable? Not really.
Is it advertising-supported? Yep.

Visit my site, where I'll tell you the other sixty-one website-evaluating tips that every true Scotsman knows.
posted by box at 6:26 PM on May 4, 2009 [5 favorites]

(And, while I love Rockbox, I'd've put CHDK on there instead, as I suspect it has a wider audience.)
posted by box at 6:27 PM on May 4, 2009

Is it Ghostbusters 2?
posted by inigo2 at 6:30 PM on May 4, 2009

"How to Reset RAM"? It's a parody list, then?
posted by yath at 6:31 PM on May 4, 2009 [3 favorites]

10 IGNORE SO-CALLED CANONICAL LISTS
20 ESPECIALLY THOSE OF ARBITRARY LENGTH
30 GOTO 10
posted by Halloween Jack at 6:31 PM on May 4, 2009 [1 favorite]

I'd missed that one. Sounds good to me. Any reason why not?

I'm sure Rockbox is great and all, but every geek?? Really?

Versus, I dunno, Learning C? And then following it up with a little OCaml for a little functional goodness? They're esoteric suggestions at best and shitty dumb ones at worst.
posted by GuyZero at 6:32 PM on May 4, 2009

I don't see a problem with leaving grub recovery mode on. If someone has physical access to a machine you are already fscked in almost all cases.
posted by sety at 6:33 PM on May 4, 2009 [1 favorite]

1. You will never make pastitsio as good as your yaya's. Just give up.
2. Sprinkle some soap flakes into your molotov cocktail before stuffing the rag in. It'll make the gasoline more viscous and...

...

... what?
posted by xthlc at 6:33 PM on May 4, 2009

"As a librarian, I would like to tell these dudes to just fuck the fuck off."

Ya that's pretty weak. A real hacker would first observe the keyboard being used at the library. They'd then procure the same model into which they'd wire the keylogger (preferably one that queried remotely). Finally they'd smuggle the doctored keyboard into the library and make the switch. This was a lot easier back when everyone had model Ms with their handy dandy detachable cord.
posted by Mitheral at 6:36 PM on May 4, 2009

They'd then procure the same model...Finally they'd smuggle the doctored keyboard into the library

You omitted the step where they cover they keyboard in that grimy yet sticky finger goo and fill it with a combination of crumbs and dandruff.
posted by GuyZero at 6:38 PM on May 4, 2009 [2 favorites]

So wait, PERL didn't make the cut but Leetspeak did? Christ, kids today.

And when you hotwire a car it helps if you can shift and steer. It not being 1974 for a while makes me wonder if the person who wrote that has ever done it, or heard about it from their cousin.

My list would start like this.

Weld.
And then learn another kind of welding.
And then another.
And then another.
posted by Kid Charlemagne at 6:43 PM on May 4, 2009

Lots of libraries these days have unsecured wifi connections, too. And, because of that balance between security and usability, library computers are usually relatively locked down, but hardly ever completely bulletproof--why use a hardware keylogger when there are software solutions?
posted by box at 6:43 PM on May 4, 2009

1. The Meaning of Technical Acronyms
# P2P - Person to Person data sharing

Well, the first one is already wrong. Pretty weak sauce indeed.

2. How to Reset RAM

Um... yeah. So, if you're using an operating system that doesn't know how to manage memory properly, you should probably just reboot every so often rather than using some random RAM "resetter" utility.

3. Identify Keyloggers

Yes, they could look like little things plugged into the cable. Or, they could be programs installed on the computer. How are you going to spot that, exactly? Best just to assume public computers are public.

The list goes on and on, with almost every entry either wrong or pointless.
posted by musicinmybrain at 6:47 PM on May 4, 2009 [2 favorites]

Also, am I wrong in believing that overcooking a resistor with a soldering iron will make it more of a resistor and not less of a resistor. Because the logic behind #41 doesn't exactly fly in formation with my understanding of reality.
posted by Kid Charlemagne at 6:49 PM on May 4, 2009

Halloween Jack: "20 ESPECIALLY THOSE OF ARBITRARY LENGTH"

If there's one thing the author did right, it was making the list 2⁶ entries long.
posted by Plutor at 6:50 PM on May 4, 2009

This is so... so bad.
posted by odinsdream at 6:50 PM on May 4, 2009

ABORT, RETRY, FAIL?

FAIL!
posted by b1tr0t at 6:55 PM on May 4, 2009 [1 favorite]

Know where to find a good .virc that properly loads syntax highlighting for Erlang? You bet.

You, sir, are a sick little monkey. I admire that.

There's exactly one thing a geek needs to know.

How to RTFM.
posted by eriko at 6:59 PM on May 4, 2009

"The term 'geek', once used to label a circus freak..."

Indeed, that's mostly forgotten now, I reckon. I learned that usage years ago, when I first heard ol' Zimmerman sing...

you hand in your ticket
and you go watch the geek...
posted by flapjax at midnite at 7:00 PM on May 4, 2009

Large Pirate Ship
eToys In Stock 94.99 Go to store >>
Babies In Stock 109.99 Go to store >>
posted by yoHighness at 7:01 PM on May 4, 2009

2. How to Reset RAM

SUPER MEGA EPIC FAIL
posted by JHarris at 7:03 PM on May 4, 2009 [1 favorite]

Holy crap, 5,780 diggs?!

I consider that shark well-lept.
posted by JHarris at 7:06 PM on May 4, 2009 [1 favorite]

What jumped out at me was this: I built every computer I owned between, non-inclusive of, my Apple ][gs Woz edition and this one. At the time it was cheaper. But since around 2006 or 2007, I think it isn't anymore. Unless you're doing something specialized, I don't think there's a reason not to buy from a manufacturer.
posted by cobaltnine at 7:28 PM on May 4, 2009

How to Reset RAM

[...]To solve this problem and reset your system RAM, all you need to is defragment your system RAM with a program.

Instructions
Step 1 Download RAM Def 2.6 Xtreme from the link in the Resources section below. Save the file to your computer. This software has been tested for spyware and viruses, so you have nothing to worry about. Best of all, the software is completely free!

65. If a piece of "free software" is advertised as saying "you have nothing to worry about," you should probably start worrying.
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 7:41 PM on May 4, 2009

The 64 things an IT geek rally needs to know are things like:

How to carry on a normal conversation

How to keep one's beard free of soup

How to purchase shoes with soles less than three inches high

How to laugh without blowing snot out of your nose

How to understand that Babylon 5 is NOT the only television series produced

How to avoid slacks

....
posted by mattoxic at 7:44 PM on May 4, 2009 [3 favorites]

I just ran that RAM defragger and things are twice as snapp **GOLDEN PALACE CASINO**
posted by porn in the woods at 7:53 PM on May 4, 2009 [8 favorites]

Also, 64. The Fastest way to Kill a Computer - use a stun gun on the innards while it's running.

Surely it would be faster just to put the offending computer on top of a thermonuclear warhead?
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 8:05 PM on May 4, 2009

Whut? Nothin' about D&D?

Serious troll list, but... I had to look up what ATA stood for.

Advanced Technology Attachment

For real? Srsly?
posted by porpoise at 8:20 PM on May 4, 2009

It was a serious bloody improvement on ST-506.
posted by Mitheral at 8:31 PM on May 4, 2009

500. Know how to set up a web site so it doesn't greet visitors with the message

An internal server error has occured when trying to display the error page (server-error). Please try again later.
posted by lukemeister at 8:37 PM on May 4, 2009