Comments on: Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus

Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus

Lord_Pall — Tue, 12 May 2009 22:14:39 -0800

From the greats of the silent era to the modern masterpieces of the 21st century, the medium of film has never truly achieved artistic perfection. Until today.

By: maryh

maryh — Tue, 12 May 2009 22:22:36 -0800

This isn't real, is it? Could it be? Don't tease.

By: Bageena

Bageena — Tue, 12 May 2009 22:25:08 -0800

I'm sorry, but you're wrong. The Room is as close to artistic perfection as film can be.

By: infinitywaltz

infinitywaltz — Tue, 12 May 2009 22:27:46 -0800

That's probably not going to be a very good movie.

By: Riki tiki

Riki tiki — Tue, 12 May 2009 22:28:32 -0800

It's no Ghostbusters 2.

By: dersins

dersins — Tue, 12 May 2009 22:30:45 -0800

Ah, Asylum, the geniuses who brought us the cinematic tour de force that was (and still is) "Transmorphers," which, "[u]nlike its namesake... has no recognizable actors, no merchandising tie-ins and a garbled sound mix. Also unlike "Transformers," it has cheap special effects and a subplot involving lesbians."

By: dersins

dersins — Tue, 12 May 2009 22:31:22 -0800

So, yes, it's probably real.

By: WolfDaddy

WolfDaddy — Tue, 12 May 2009 22:32:43 -0800

Yeah, but you just know in the sequel they'll have to put aside their differences and team up to fight the greater menace that is ELBOW SQUID!

By: drinkyclown

drinkyclown — Tue, 12 May 2009 22:33:00 -0800

The giant octopus smashing the fighter plane out of the sky is what sold me, this movie is going to be soooo great.

By: dersins

dersins — Tue, 12 May 2009 22:42:03 -0800

In fact, the entire Asylum slate is pretty impressive: Sexpot3-DDD (A comedy about sex and pot. In 3D. Which is an interesting trick given that it's direct-to-video). The Terminators (Built to serve mankind... now re-programmed to destroy!) War of the Worlds 2: The Next Wave (starring C. Thomas Howell and Kid!) Snakes on a Train (No, seriously-- I shit you not. "Under a powerful Mayan curse, snakes are hatched inside a young woman, slowly devouring her from within. Her only chance for survival is a powerful shaman who lives across the border. With only hours to live, she jumps on a train headed for Los Angeles. Unfortunately for the passengers aboard, they are now trapped, soon to be victims of these flesh-eating vipers.") I could go on, but I'll spare you.

By: nervousfritz

nervousfritz — Tue, 12 May 2009 22:45:19 -0800

10:45 restate my assumptions there's a reason for everything

By: caddis

caddis — Tue, 12 May 2009 22:55:00 -0800

Even as parody this is just lame.

By: Blazecock Pileon

Blazecock Pileon — Tue, 12 May 2009 22:59:19 -0800

Debbie Gibson. Nuf' said.

By: Astro Zombie

Astro Zombie — Tue, 12 May 2009 23:12:41 -0800

When did Debbie Gibson become Cynthia Rothrock?

By: mazola

mazola — Tue, 12 May 2009 23:12:44 -0800

That's probably ~~not~~ going to be a very good movie. posted by infinitywaltz at 11:27 PM on May 12 [+] [!] FTFW FTW FWIW FSMN

By: sexyrobot

sexyrobot — Tue, 12 May 2009 23:14:34 -0800

only in your dreams

By: scrowdid

scrowdid — Tue, 12 May 2009 23:15:38 -0800

shark your love

By: scrowdid

scrowdid — Tue, 12 May 2009 23:16:10 -0800

foolish beast

By: lattiboy

lattiboy — Tue, 12 May 2009 23:31:13 -0800

Scuse me gents! It's Deborah Gibson. Deborah.

By: Nattie

Nattie — Tue, 12 May 2009 23:32:55 -0800

It's like they read my diary and made my worst nightmare into a movie! Chilling!

By: Captain Cardanthian!

Captain Cardanthian! — Tue, 12 May 2009 23:34:47 -0800

Metafilter: We'll get them to kill each other.

By: imabanana

imabanana — Tue, 12 May 2009 23:35:37 -0800

Great, now I have something new to worry about when flying.

By: The Esteemed Doctor Bunsen Honeydew

The Esteemed Doctor Bunsen Honeydew — Tue, 12 May 2009 23:37:00 -0800

Considering the calibre of Snakes on a Train, I am SO EXCITED FOR THIS MOVIE. SO SO EXCITED. SO EXCITED. EXCITED.

By: Ghidorah

Ghidorah — Tue, 12 May 2009 23:37:06 -0800

A movie this wonderful could only star one man! Only one man could utter the line "We're dealing with a menace." so tonelessly, so perfectly wooden: Lorenzo Lamas. You know you want to watch it.

By: PeterMcDermott

PeterMcDermott — Tue, 12 May 2009 23:38:24 -0800

Sounds a bit far fetched to me. I like my sea-monster battles to be a touch more realistic.

By: pracowity

pracowity — Tue, 12 May 2009 23:54:27 -0800

I like the part where the army develops a giant can of whoopass and the navy figures out a way to transfer it to a giant jar, which they then lower to the bottom of the sea for the giant octopus to open on the giant shark.

By: gompa

gompa — Tue, 12 May 2009 23:58:15 -0800

I want this muthafuckin' mega-shark off my muthafuckin' plane.

By: spiderskull

spiderskull — Wed, 13 May 2009 00:15:43 -0800

This looks incredible. I might purchase the DVD.

By: Darned account name

Darned account name — Wed, 13 May 2009 00:18:22 -0800

Needs more Renegade!

By: incessant

incessant — Wed, 13 May 2009 00:45:26 -0800

Hey, John, it's your manager. Good news. These producers have optioned your script. Here's the thing, they aren't super experienced. They've done a few things, and they know their way around a set, but they haven't actually produced anything before. But one of them is an actor, he's done lots of stuff. He starred in Transmorphers. The money's good, though, and they really... I'm sorry, what?

By: bardic

bardic — Wed, 13 May 2009 00:48:51 -0800

Does Giant Octopus jump the Mega Shark?

By: thermonuclear.jive.turkey

thermonuclear.jive.turkey — Wed, 13 May 2009 00:53:08 -0800

I hope it'll be as good as this...

By: m-a-s-o-n

m-a-s-o-n — Wed, 13 May 2009 00:57:58 -0800

You asshole.

By: thermonuclear.jive.turkey

thermonuclear.jive.turkey — Wed, 13 May 2009 00:59:35 -0800

Moi?

By: Blazecock Pileon

Blazecock Pileon — Wed, 13 May 2009 01:07:27 -0800

I hope it'll be as good as this... Eat the rich.

By: Henry C. Mabuse

Henry C. Mabuse — Wed, 13 May 2009 01:36:06 -0800

why the fuck is youtube telling me I need the new flash player when I already have it? GRRRRRR

By: maxwelton

maxwelton — Wed, 13 May 2009 01:47:53 -0800

Deborah. Ah, sweet youth of mine, back to haunt me.

By: Blazecock Pileon

Blazecock Pileon — Wed, 13 May 2009 02:04:08 -0800

"Meh."

By: Glee

Glee — Wed, 13 May 2009 02:12:39 -0800

Did Ms. Gibson excitedly declare "Thrilla' in Manilla."? I didn't see Diablo Cody's name in the writing credits, ghostwriting gig?

By: Henry C. Mabuse

Henry C. Mabuse — Wed, 13 May 2009 02:42:40 -0800

OK I fixed my flash problem.. now I wish I hadn't.

By: darth_tedious

darth_tedious — Wed, 13 May 2009 02:51:30 -0800

Good to see that Noah Baumbach finally has a special effects budget.

By: mattoxic

mattoxic — Wed, 13 May 2009 03:48:43 -0800

Texas has sharks?

By: DU

DU — Wed, 13 May 2009 04:26:12 -0800

Stack trace of my brain: 1) Wow, this looks really dumb. 2) Oh, it's from some place called "The Asylum". Sounds like some kind of comedy team that makes fake movie trailers that are hilariously terrible. I'll go watch some. 3) No, these are just plain terrible. And they make a whole movie like this? 4) Their website is also hilarity-free. 5) OK, the hilarity is back now:

The Asylum is an American film studio and distributor which focuses on producing low-budget, usually direct-to-video productions. The studio is best known for producing titles which appear to capitalize on productions by major studios.... In 2008, 20th Century Fox threatened legal action against The Asylum over The Day the Earth Stopped, a film believed to capitalize on The Day the Earth Stood Still.

The Wikipedia list of "mockbusters" is also pretty great, although the list of "formerly popular actors and musicians" that star in their films is pretty depressing.

By: srboisvert

srboisvert — Wed, 13 May 2009 04:26:39 -0800

This movie sucks. They have deviated from elements of the earlier movies, altered timelines and betrayed the existing literature and fanbase.

By: 0xdeadc0de

0xdeadc0de — Wed, 13 May 2009 04:59:16 -0800

Well, it looks better than Eagle vs. Shark.

By: six-or-six-thirty

six-or-six-thirty — Wed, 13 May 2009 05:20:36 -0800

I hope it'll be as good as this... I like the part where all of those people get eaten by the giant shark. And I like the part where the Bad Guy gets on the Jet Ski and you think oh no he's going to get away but then he gets eaten by a giant shark. But I hope the lethargically yelling people in the water don't get eaten by a giant shark.

By: total warfare frown

total warfare frown — Wed, 13 May 2009 05:26:32 -0800

I'm reserving judgment until I see Pete Hammond's review.

By: Bobby Bittman

Bobby Bittman — Wed, 13 May 2009 05:26:49 -0800

Why are the planes crashing?

By: Joe Beese

Joe Beese — Wed, 13 May 2009 05:29:44 -0800

That's a whole lot of hype for a SLYT post.

By: robocop is bleeding

robocop is bleeding — Wed, 13 May 2009 05:32:12 -0800

If there's no T-Rex, I'm not buying.

By: samsara

samsara — Wed, 13 May 2009 05:42:46 -0800

George Lucas should team up with these guys, he could pick up on proper use of CG, they could..well, put George Lucas on their label.

By: HuronBob

HuronBob — Wed, 13 May 2009 05:52:14 -0800

if there is no giant glowing blue penis involved, I'm not going to watch,man

By: nicepersonality

nicepersonality — Wed, 13 May 2009 06:02:34 -0800

Deepest. Bluest. My hat is like a shark's fin.

By: Lipstick Thespian

Lipstick Thespian — Wed, 13 May 2009 06:40:11 -0800

this is proof God loves me.

By: poppo

poppo — Wed, 13 May 2009 06:44:17 -0800

It's no Ghostbusters 2. Is this sarcasm? Because Ghostbusters 2 is fucking awesome.

By: orme

orme — Wed, 13 May 2009 06:45:43 -0800

if there is no giant glowing blue penis involved, I'm not going to watch,man posted by HuronBob at 8:52 AM You mean, like a radioactive blue whale shows up at the end and rapes the winner?

By: HuronBob

HuronBob — Wed, 13 May 2009 06:59:08 -0800

"You mean, like a radioactive blue whale shows up at the end and rapes the winner?" there... you nailed it (no pun intended).. where were you when they were working on the script?

By: ROU_Xenophobe

ROU_Xenophobe — Wed, 13 May 2009 07:18:10 -0800

I hope it'll be as good as this... If you've ever seen Shark Attack 3: Megalodon, you'll know that that's not the part of the movie to favor with a clip.

By: WinnipegDragon

WinnipegDragon — Wed, 13 May 2009 07:21:06 -0800

There can be only one really bad shark movie. That movie is Shark Attack 3: Megalodon. There is a very specific reason for this. This movie contains a pickup line so bad, so forced, so over the top that it has become known as the line.

By: The Whelk

The Whelk — Wed, 13 May 2009 07:48:01 -0800

Because I have been hurt, you must be hurt. I give you, the line.

By: The Card Cheat

The Card Cheat — Wed, 13 May 2009 07:51:12 -0800

> The giant octopus smashing the fighter plane out of the sky is what sold me, this movie is going to be soooo great. It's like Snakes On A Plane never happened. *shakes head sadly*

By: Tullius

Tullius — Wed, 13 May 2009 07:59:24 -0800

I was on board with this until I saw the footage of the Iowa-class battleship steaming into action. There is no freaking way that they would be able to get either of the two remaining Iowas out of mothballs, refitted and ready to go in time to deal with a giant-shark-and-octopus crisis. Totally absurd.

By: blucevalo

blucevalo — Wed, 13 May 2009 08:10:36 -0800

Foolish feat.

By: yiftach

yiftach — Wed, 13 May 2009 08:24:28 -0800

[watches The Line] Bwahahahahaha! No, wait, did that really just happen? [watches it again] Ahahahahahahaha! Stop it! Come ON! Really? [ad absurdum]

By: Guy_Inamonkeysuit

Guy_Inamonkeysuit — Wed, 13 May 2009 08:27:28 -0800

So that's what happened to Debbie Gibson. I wasn't wondering. But I am wondering where Admiral Harriman Nelson is when you need him.

By: metaBugs

metaBugs — Wed, 13 May 2009 08:36:51 -0800

I have to see this film! This could take the all-time number one spot from Atomic Twister, in which a tornado sweeps through a small town and threatens its nuclear power plant. As it's the night-shift, the power plant is of course manned only by the young-but-plucky-female-nuclear-physicist and the non-too-bright-but-heart-of-gold janitor. THRILL to the cars-on-visible-wires being flung around by the tornado! GASP at the arrogance of the alpha-male-policeman who ignores the physicist's warnings! SIGH at the loosely tacked-on subplot in which the attractive teenagers survive mild peril and end up falling in love! And when you've enjoyed Atomic Twister, watch its spiritual sister Atomic Train, in which a nuclear bomb is being transported by train that gets hijacked and catches on fire. Naturally, the bomb is travelling next to a stack of Sodium ingots (yes, you heard me) so dumping water on the fire only exacerbates their problems... > I give you, the line. Everything I know about US culture, I learned from Hollywood. My mental picture of your everyday lives and conversations is awesome.

By: DU

DU — Wed, 13 May 2009 08:43:23 -0800

I went so far as to skim the Wikipedia entry for Shark Attack 3 to see if there's some explanation for The Line.

Many reviewers took issue with the bad dialogue, particularly a scene where John Barrowman delivers the dead-pan line, "You know, I'm really wired. What do you say I take you home and eat your pussy?" This was later revealed (on Friday Night with Jonathan Ross) to be an ad-lib by Barrowman intended to make his co-star laugh, although for some reason it was left in the movie's final cut. Some subsequent TV broadcasts of the movie, however, replace the line with "What do you say I take you home and we watch I Love Lucy?"

I'm not sure which version I love better.

By: emelenjr

emelenjr — Wed, 13 May 2009 08:46:40 -0800

¿Quien es mas macho—Señor Lamas o Señor MEGA SHARK??

By: Astro Zombie

Astro Zombie — Wed, 13 May 2009 08:54:10 -0800

I am going to try both and see which works better.

By: zzazazz

zzazazz — Wed, 13 May 2009 09:01:13 -0800

Bad movies are cool but I prefer the unintentionally bad ones.

By: slogger

slogger — Wed, 13 May 2009 09:14:15 -0800

Meh. I'm waiting for Jaws 5: Big Shark in the City (around 5:00).

By: Astro Zombie

Astro Zombie — Wed, 13 May 2009 09:15:15 -0800

Okay. Neither work.

By: pyramid termite

pyramid termite — Wed, 13 May 2009 09:21:57 -0800

What do you say I take you home and eat your pussy? in soviet russia, pussy eats you

By: ROU_Xenophobe

ROU_Xenophobe — Wed, 13 May 2009 09:24:10 -0800

I was on board with this until I saw the footage of the Iowa-class battleship steaming into action. It's okay; in the movie it's actually Yamato but there just isn't enough good color footage of her to use, so they subbed in an Iowa as a stunt battleship.

By: stinkycheese

stinkycheese — Wed, 13 May 2009 09:25:34 -0800

Oh man oh god.

By: katillathehun

katillathehun — Wed, 13 May 2009 09:36:53 -0800

I have had it with these motherfuckin' octupi on these motherfuckin' sharks.

By: notashroom

notashroom — Wed, 13 May 2009 10:49:27 -0800

Meh. They're never as good as the book.

By: kirkaracha

kirkaracha — Wed, 13 May 2009 10:58:18 -0800

My favorite part is when the shark bit the Golden Gate Bridge.

By: Hylas

Hylas — Wed, 13 May 2009 11:41:32 -0800

Wow. The concept behind this movie is dubious at best. Everyone knows that a squid would have made for a better adversary. Not only that, but my informal market research indicates that a squid would have been the bigger box office draw. I'm sorry, but an octopus just is not A-list material.

By: The Great Big Mulp

The Great Big Mulp — Wed, 13 May 2009 11:52:23 -0800

Is this sarcasm? Because Ghostbusters 2 is fucking awesome. I'm pretty sure it's a reference to this previously posted persistent query.

By: deborah

deborah — Wed, 13 May 2009 11:57:46 -0800

Hi guys!

By: octobersurprise

octobersurprise — Wed, 13 May 2009 12:14:54 -0800

The studio is best known for producing titles which appear to capitalize on productions by major studios.. Dibbs on motherfucking Sharks on a Barque!

By: DU

DU — Wed, 13 May 2009 12:18:26 -0800

You can have that, as long as I get Sharks on a Log, the thrilling tale of preschool snacktime gone horribly wrong.

By: Dr-Baa

Dr-Baa — Wed, 13 May 2009 13:18:17 -0800

Oh please let them make The Clockguys

By: broken wheelchair

broken wheelchair — Wed, 13 May 2009 13:36:15 -0800

I watched Asylum's "Terminators" last night, and the only black guy wore a doo-rag, and was named Pac. That won me over.

By: JHarris

JHarris — Wed, 13 May 2009 19:50:23 -0800

DU: In 2008, 20th Century Fox threatened legal action against The Asylum over The Day the Earth Stopped, a film believed to capitalize on The Day the Earth Stood Still. Ah, that's where I remember "The Asylum" from! We rented it from a Redbox one day just for the laugh factor. That giant robot on the cover? It doesn't from that spot the entire movie. It doesn't take a step, it barely does anything! In fact, the humans in the movie don't even appear to be too concerned with it. I wouldn't doubt if it was added on a whim during post production. The Wikipedia list of "mockbusters" is also pretty great, although the list of "formerly popular actors and musicians" that star in their films is pretty depressing. Their film Ten Million Years B.C. (also rented from Redbox) has Michael Gross, the dad from Family Ties. I couldn't help feeling sorry for him, but I also couldn't help hoping that the dinosaur that causes the oddly tacked-on third act of the film wouldn't be devoured by a gigantic bloodthirsty Alex P. Keaton. Ah, "The Asylum." If it weren't for you, would Redbox have anything at all?

By: The Whelk

The Whelk — Wed, 13 May 2009 20:59:50 -0800

To be fair to Mr. Barrowman, it's only slightly less wooden than how he normally reads lines. cause seriously, it wasn't the nonsense plots that turned me off Torchwood, It was the horrible, horrible acting. If you have a drama-sci-fi-thing you need to make me care about the omnisexual-immortal hero , at least a little

By: Smedleyman

Smedleyman — Thu, 14 May 2009 12:06:25 -0800

Not bad. But it's no zombie fire ants vs 4 foot long cement eating worms

By: Darth Meatloaf

Darth Meatloaf — Thu, 14 May 2009 13:02:34 -0800

lol for dersins on the Snakes on a Train reference. Funny story along with that travesty - they tried to sue the studio that did Snakes on a Plane for stealing their idea. I find it more likely that they heard about the Snakes on a Plane idea and quickly vomited out a script and movie so they could "finish" their "masterpiece" first and make the aforementioned spurious claim.

By: The Esteemed Doctor Bunsen Honeydew

The Esteemed Doctor Bunsen Honeydew — Sun, 17 May 2009 16:05:53 -0800

I caught about the last third of Alien v. Hunter on Sci-Fi last night. I am now even more excited for this film.

By: chairface

chairface — Fri, 29 May 2009 21:19:43 -0800

It's no Mansquito but it'll do.