Shall We Muscle?!

May 16, 2009 12:21 PM

Muscle March is a game coming out on WiiWare in Japan in the coming weeks. Combining some of the elements of Pose Mii on Wii Play, weightlifting, footba...oh really forget it. No description can adequately prep you for this. [SLYT]
posted by cashman (52 comments total)

I for one was not adequately prepped.
posted by MtDewd at 12:27 PM on May 16 [9 favorites]

I want a Wii.
posted by brundlefly at 12:28 PM on May 16

Is this something that you could easily do without expensive electronics, just by going outside?

OMG!!!!!1!!!1!!!1!!!!!!!!!! THAT IS AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11!1!!!!!11!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
posted by oddman at 12:31 PM on May 16

... and I thought Eurovision would be the campest/weirdest thing I'd be watching tonite
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 12:37 PM on May 16 [1 favorite]

I feel violated.
posted by Bageena at 12:39 PM on May 16

If this comes to the US I am going to get into such GOOD SHAPE
posted by I Foody at 12:41 PM on May 16 [1 favorite]

Wii-diculous.
posted by ColdChef at 12:43 PM on May 16 [2 favorites]

I love the way their little butts wiggle when they run.

Is it time for me to make the switch to console games? I think this game makes a compelling argument.
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 12:46 PM on May 16

The only thing I don't get about this game is that the other muscle men can small through a wall just fine in the first place, why can't you, also a muscle man, smash through the wall with your arms held slightly differently. How can it be that muscle men can smash through walls in the first place, arms and all, but can't have just their arm smash through a wall without repercussions?
posted by I Foody at 12:48 PM on May 16 [3 favorites]

katamari muscly?
posted by sexyrobot at 12:50 PM on May 16

This is what went on inside Mishima's head. For reals.
posted by The Whelk at 12:52 PM on May 16 [9 favorites]

Only with a lot more blood. And spankings. Lots and lots of spankings.
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 12:59 PM on May 16 [3 favorites]

I can't tell if something's really wrong or really right with Japan.
posted by dunkadunc at 1:06 PM on May 16 [2 favorites]

I think I may have become numb to the Japan-is-soooooo-crazy factor. To me this game looks kind of formulamatic:

1 part Cho Aniki
1 part Brain Wall
1 part Katamari Damacy
posted by Dr-Baa at 1:07 PM on May 16

This game kind of looks fun, but the video is awesome!
posted by schyler523 at 1:10 PM on May 16

This video made me vomit up blood. The blood splattered on to my kitchen counter and formed a pattern that told me the day I would die, down to the minute. THANKS A LOT JAPAN
posted by Uppity Pigeon #2 at 1:21 PM on May 16 [10 favorites]

God damn it, Japan.
posted by XQUZYPHYR at 1:28 PM on May 16 [1 favorite]

Finally! A game with some jiggling man butts!

Women's liberation is complete.
posted by fontophilic at 1:31 PM on May 16 [2 favorites]

If you like the look of this game, try Wario's Smooth Moves. It's nowhere near as insane but still kind of insane.
posted by christhelongtimelurker at 1:35 PM on May 16

By way of explanation the football player guy has stolen the protein powder jar and so now the muscle men are chasing him.

This looks to be using the same game mechanic as the Human Tetris game shows.
posted by toroi at 2:02 PM on May 16

*sound of footsteps down a long hallway*

DOCTOR: "This is as good as he's been for awhile, Mrs. Thespian, but still, you should be prepared for -"

MRS. LT: "I can take it - just let me see hi - OH GOD...."

LT: (in shadow) *sounds of pants and wet slapping against concrete* NIIIIIIIIIIIIICE MUSCLES! NIIIIIIIIIICE (slams into wall with head repeatedly)

DOCTOR: "We should go now..."
posted by Lipstick Thespian at 2:08 PM on May 16 [1 favorite]

What constellations are those?
posted by doobiedoo at 2:10 PM on May 16

That arms busting through the wall thing makes me feel it's too bad they don't have an eye-toy type camera thing for the Wii. They should totally do a Brain Wall / Human Tetris / Hole in the Wall game for the Wii.

They could do it for the PS3 which does have a camera, but the wii is clearly the right market for such a game!
posted by aubilenon at 2:10 PM on May 16

I can't wait for someone to make this into a movie.
posted by doobiedoo at 2:12 PM on May 16 [1 favorite]

Y'know, there is always someone who comes to these LOLJAPAN threads and defends Japan as not being entirely weird. But, really. Really?
posted by graventy at 2:17 PM on May 16 [3 favorites]

sounds of pants

Corduroy?
posted by zippy at 2:36 PM on May 16

Dr Baa is right on the money, regarding this game's heritage.
posted by now i'm piste at 2:48 PM on May 16

That game would never sell in the U.S. unless the muscle men were chasing a Wall Street executive who was escaping with a huge bonus.
posted by digsrus at 3:01 PM on May 16

Laughing with tears of joy. Thank you, Japan.
posted by seanmpuckett at 3:19 PM on May 16

What's with the polar bear?
posted by Captain Cardanthian! at 3:38 PM on May 16

This reminds me that I let my friend borrow my wii in March and still has it.
posted by jeffmik at 3:59 PM on May 16

to clarify, March of 2008.
posted by jeffmik at 4:21 PM on May 16

What gets to me is not so much the Engrish, nor the gluteus-maximus constellation, nor the ridiculously muscled men wiggling their butts as they chase a football player through walls. I can get behind all that. But for some reason, I just can't get past the fact that those speech bubbles are emanating from the inside of the speaker's nose.
posted by ErWenn at 4:27 PM on May 16 [2 favorites]

The really crazy thing is that this game is a documentary.
posted by The Card Cheat at 5:24 PM on May 16 [4 favorites]

I want that game.
posted by flatluigi at 5:31 PM on May 16

If anything ever convinces me to buy a Wii, it'll be bizarro minigame compilations (it used to be Mario Kart, but, well). Just by the percentages, I think Wario has a higher proportion of good games than Mario does.
posted by box at 5:31 PM on May 16

Just like real body building, it's difficult to tell the difference between the men, the women and the polar bears.
posted by filmgeek at 5:52 PM on May 16 [1 favorite]

What's with the polar bear?

If you have to ask...
posted by sleslie at 6:06 PM on May 16

I've got two for this one:

1) I was confused until the part where they go into hyperspace. Then it all made sense.
2) There NEEDS to be a cheat code that lets you play as Hard Gay.
posted by The Tensor at 6:17 PM on May 16

There NEEDS to be a cheat code that lets you play as Hard Gay.

Where throwing both arms up, thrusting your hips forward and yelling "FOOO!" temp-rushes you through part of the level.
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 6:30 PM on May 16

Those guys may have big muscles, but how much fish can they carry?
posted by maudlin at 7:32 PM on May 16

What's with the polar bear?

Why isn't there always a polar bear?
posted by P.o.B. at 8:14 PM on May 16

Brain. Broken.
posted by FunkyHelix at 8:56 PM on May 16

Is the gray-bearded, Zeus-looking guy telling me to masturbate to this?
posted by ethnomethodologist at 10:52 PM on May 16

Let's MUSCLE!
posted by The Deej at 10:56 PM on May 16

This is actually simply what Duke Nukem eventually evolved into behind closed doors. All reports otherwise have been to keep rabid fans at bay until it drops in the US.
posted by Bokononist at 11:52 PM on May 16

The Japanese are a very disturbed people. I blame nuclear radiation.
posted by moonbiter at 4:16 AM on May 17 [1 favorite]

Ha! I've thought the same thing.
posted by dunkadunc at 4:47 AM on May 17

Mishima's version would also have a "shoot arrows at the muscle man" level.
posted by GenjiandProust at 5:45 AM on May 17 [1 favorite]

Sometimes it's worth logging out of mefi just to see the textads. Case in point: Where else do you get to see ads for "Russian muscle stimulators"?
posted by jeremias at 6:45 AM on May 17

My gods, words escape me.
posted by Reth_Eldirood at 12:20 PM on May 17

Words Fail, Head Asplode.

"Japan is a hell of a drug"
posted by djrock3k at 7:08 AM on May 18