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The movement has begun.
May 29, 2009 11:06 AM   Subscribe


 
...the true conservative message of individual responsibility, moral absolutes, and small government are slanted as intolerant, racist, "bible and gun clinging", corporate fat cats who could not care less about the environment nor the well being of their fellow man.

It's pretty hard not to "slant" that way on a group that includes Tancredo, Limbaugh, Palin, Inhofe and "trickle down" economics.
posted by DU at 11:11 AM on May 29, 2009 [2 favorites]


I don't like parodies where there are no obvious jokes so you can't quite tell for sure if it's a parody.

But this, from their myspace:
Sounds Like A combination between Fergie and Jesus

Leads me to think it must be.
posted by drjimmy11 at 11:15 AM on May 29, 2009 [1 favorite]


Parody or not, it's pretty solidly awful.
posted by Sys Rq at 11:17 AM on May 29, 2009 [1 favorite]


From the sidebar:
Flawed politicians lay on both sides of the political spectrum, however, real conservatives such as Ronald Reagan, Martin Luther King Jr., and arguably Jesus are the flag-bearers of the true conservative movement.

LOL
posted by graventy at 11:19 AM on May 29, 2009 [12 favorites]


If sincere, though, pretty extraordinary.
posted by CunningLinguist at 11:19 AM on May 29, 2009


Damn, they got me. I went into it expecting a parody and then the unrelenting awfulness and "no true conservative" shtick convinced me they were sincere.
posted by DU at 11:20 AM on May 29, 2009


if doing it is wrong, we don’t want to be right

That quote, from their website, seems to sum up the whole of the Republican Party these days.
posted by octobersurprise at 11:22 AM on May 29, 2009 [2 favorites]


That shit's so deep that it includes 30 seconds of dead air at the end just to let it all sink in, yo.

Word.
posted by Senor Cardgage at 11:23 AM on May 29, 2009 [1 favorite]


I've got to admit that I'm slightly impressed that they didn't tell me what their names were what they were "here to say" and that they were going to do it "in a major way". Very slightly.
posted by I Foody at 11:23 AM on May 29, 2009 [8 favorites]


made it to 1:09 before I started to gag
posted by desjardins at 11:23 AM on May 29, 2009


Their FB group sure seems genuine.
posted by CunningLinguist at 11:24 AM on May 29, 2009


They want to preform a sexual act with socialism, surely they can't be all bad.
posted by kathrineg at 11:27 AM on May 29, 2009 [2 favorites]


Dartmouth is one of the better community colleges...
posted by Mister_A at 11:27 AM on May 29, 2009


Wow, it's right in their "rhyme" that they support waterboarding. I am slowly coming round to the once-abhorrent idea of waterboarding everyone who thinks it's a good idea.
posted by Mister_A at 11:32 AM on May 29, 2009


“6 foot 9... head and shoulders above the rest. Posers playing checkers, I’m playing chess.”

These beats are soooo fresh!
posted by M.C. Lo-Carb! at 11:33 AM on May 29, 2009


Dartmouth is one of the better community colleges...

... in Devon.
posted by Pollomacho at 11:35 AM on May 29, 2009


These guys are just like the Beastie Boys.*


*With no talent, no new ideas, boring music, lame lyrics, no talent (Did I mention that twice? Well, it bears repeating.) and, even less charisma.
posted by oddman at 11:41 AM on May 29, 2009


"Our greatest enemy lies in the lack of understanding of the conservative movement."

I couldn't agree more. Interpreted differently, mind.

"Ultimately, people will not listen to a man or woman shouting forceful and rude statements , no matter how “correct” said statements may be."

But rapping, THAT they'll listen to!
posted by Lemurrhea at 11:46 AM on May 29, 2009 [1 favorite]


Flawed politicians lay on both sides of the political spectrum, however, real conservatives such as Ronald Reagan, Martin Luther King Jr., and arguably Jesus Osama bin Laden, Ayman al-Zawahiri, and Mullah Omar are the flag-bearers of the true conservative movement.

FTFY
posted by Sys Rq at 11:49 AM on May 29, 2009 [1 favorite]


made it to 1:09 before I started to gag

me too. on the nose.

"liberals are playing checkers, i'm playing ch-" -close window-
posted by 256 at 11:53 AM on May 29, 2009 [2 favorites]


My SO has a theory that the difference between Conservatives and Liberals and general is that Conservatives don't realize when people are laughing at them. I'm beginning to think he's right.
posted by Captain Cardanthian! at 11:54 AM on May 29, 2009 [5 favorites]


They're no MC Safety & The Caution Crew.
posted by The Card Cheat at 11:56 AM on May 29, 2009


I can't decide if these guys are for real or not, but I'm afraid they're serious. Dartmouth did produce Laura Ingraham and Dinesh D'Souza. It's also still home to the Dartmouth Review, though that's been a joke as far as "conservatism" goes for, oh, a decade or so.

Way to go, alma mater. Sigh. From the looks of this, I'm pretty sure they filmed this in a few gov department classrooms. Go figure.

Oh, and for the record, it's Dartmouth College, the one in New Hampshire, where these two clowns appear to be freshmen, not one of the other fine institutions.
posted by theoddball at 12:14 PM on May 29, 2009


It's a parody. If you want it to be.

You guys realize that conservatives love Steven Colbert. Yes. They don't get it. But they see it as a parody of how liberals view conservatives. That Colbert skewers the irrational and incompetent way conservatives attempt to govern — that their narrow world is utterly dysfunctional and out of touch with reality — remains completely invisible to the conservative viewer.
posted by tkchrist at 12:24 PM on May 29, 2009


I stopped listening right here:

"Terrorists were imprisoned at Guantanamo Bay / Now they're in our neighborhoods plannin' out doomsday"

Seriously? SERIOUSLY?

HURRR DURRR TERRORISTS HURRR DERP DERP DERP

posted by Ratio at 12:40 PM on May 29, 2009 [1 favorite]


How long is it going to take before conservatives realize they are assholes and not cool no matter how they try to spin their shit?
posted by kldickson at 12:57 PM on May 29, 2009


Great. More people I have to wait for to die.
posted by WolfDaddy at 12:58 PM on May 29, 2009


Aren't you boys a little old for this sort of thing? It was like watching 15 year olds going trick-or-treating.
posted by Rock Steady at 1:09 PM on May 29, 2009 [1 favorite]


Yo, oddball! Go Big Green!

The fact that they can't even proofread their stuff (In a technological era driven fiercely by the main stream media, those who taut the true conservative message...) makes me roll my eyes more than their politics do.

Good thing I'm used to being embarrassed by some of my fellow alums, or these youngcons would get me all riled up.

I got a newsletter from the Dartmouth GLBT group recently, and in addition to telling alums how awesome the upcoming reunions are going to be, it was full of news about the third annual Dartmouth Pride week (!!) and how there was also an event called Trans Formation - a performance art thing, it sounded like - put on by/for transgender students and allies. Blew my mind. When I was there, there were about six of us who were out. The times they do change.
posted by rtha at 1:26 PM on May 29, 2009


Sorry. Shoulda said, "Yo, theoddball!..."
posted by rtha at 1:27 PM on May 29, 2009


They seem to have graduated from the Hulk Hogan School of Rap.
posted by hermitosis at 1:28 PM on May 29, 2009


That's some of the worst rapping I've ever heard, and I live in the South.
posted by box at 1:49 PM on May 29, 2009


arguably Jesus

I love this. Arguably Jesus will be the name of my imaginary band.
posted by brain_drain at 2:52 PM on May 29, 2009 [5 favorites]


This must have been what Michael Steele meant.
posted by Flunkie at 3:23 PM on May 29, 2009


How do conservatives keep up the myths that the Republican party supports fiscal conservatism, small government, and is stronger than the Democratic party on defense?
posted by BrotherCaine at 3:30 PM on May 29, 2009


I am slowly coming round to the once-abhorrent idea of waterboarding everyone who thinks it's a good idea.

I aproach this from a meta-ethics kind of standpoint and try, from the pure generousity of my heart, to give people the kind of world they want for their children and their children's children.

I mean, if they want waterboarding, who am I to deny them their heart's desire?

For those keeping track, I'd like to be able to offer more people a cold beer and maybe a slice of pizza.
posted by Kid Charlemagne at 3:51 PM on May 29, 2009


At 1:02, does Serious C say to Stilz, "Nigga, two times please"?

Does he say nigga? And it is there to follow him for the rest of his career?

Really?!

[nauseating disappointment transitions to dumb-founded glee]

...and another young neo-con hopeful clumsily bows him/itself out from "da game".
posted by humannaire at 4:34 PM on May 29, 2009


"Flawed politicians lay on both sides of the political spectrum, however, real conservatives such as Ronald Reagan, Martin Luther King Jr., and arguably Jesus are the flag-bearers of the true conservative movement."

You know, I've been reading that "Martin Luther King Jr. [was a] conservative" thing a lot these days.

Honestly, I'm not sure where the hell conservatives are getting that. It's sort of has the same tone and usage amongst conservatives as "Nazis were liberals" had from a while back, and "The founding fathers were all conservatives" before that.

They were all memes that had no basis in literal, historical fact, but had more to do with willful ignorance and wanting something to be true so as to aid your world view. Sort of like Stephen Colbert's line about "feeling it's true" rather than knowing it's true.

Yeah, I know you can say that about 99% of what these yahoos think, but this always struck me as something different and sort of new.

You never saw someone like Spiro Agnew say something along the lines of, "It was a conservative fight against the evils of liberal fascism in WW II." Even a slimy bastard like him knew that liberalism and fascism were at opposite ends of the political spectrum, not at the same end.

But today, more and more, I see conservatives grabbing onto seemingly anything that was either good or a success within the past hundred years and saying, "See. Another conservative success story!"
posted by Relay at 9:22 PM on May 29, 2009 [1 favorite]


Their real names are Josh Riddle and David Rufful. Show them love.

I think I seen A DIGITAL CLOCK with more skills
posted by Hammond Rye at 9:50 PM on May 29, 2009


How long is it going to take before conservatives realize they are assholes and not cool no matter how they try to spin their shit?

As long as it takes for the majority of the world population to stop equating asshole-ism with valor.
posted by treepour at 1:34 AM on May 30, 2009


rtha: "The fact that they can't even proofread their stuff (In a technological era driven fiercely by the main stream media, those who taut the true conservative message...) makes me roll my eyes more than their politics do."

SCNR: "I taut I taw a tonservative tessage..."

Oh, and could some please explain to me what

The Bible says we're a people under God,
Usin' radar for radical Jihad


is supposed to mean?
Are they comparing themselves to Jihadists?
Was radar ever mentioned in the Bible?
Is there a non-radical Jihad?
Oh, and what part of the Bible specifically talks about America?
posted by PontifexPrimus at 1:45 AM on May 30, 2009


Is there a non-radical Jihad?

Yes. Apparently there is some struggle to reclaim the word jihad to refer to legitimate acts of defense, and apply the word fasad to terrorist acts. This seems likely to be as doomed as the reclamation of 'hacker'.
posted by BrotherCaine at 2:24 AM on May 30, 2009


I got a newsletter from the Dartmouth GLBT group recently, and in addition to telling alums how awesome the upcoming reunions are going to be, it was full of news about the third annual Dartmouth Pride week (!!) and how there was also an event called Trans Formation - a performance art thing, it sounded like - put on by/for transgender students and allies. Blew my mind. When I was there, there were about six of us who were out. The times they do change.

Yeah, when I was at Brown University (graduated class of 1994), the running joke was that if you came out of the closet at Dartmouth, they would shove you back in and nail the door shut. At Brown, on the other hand, the closet came with revolving doors...
posted by jonp72 at 3:12 PM on May 30, 2009


Is there a non-radical Jihad?

Depends on what you mean by radical. The word "jihad" literally means "struggle," not "holy war." I think Nasser once declared jihad when he wanted build the Aswan Dam.
posted by jonp72 at 3:15 PM on May 30, 2009 [1 favorite]


Jesus, Ronald Reagan, and Atlas Shrugged? Oh dear God.
posted by blue shadows at 1:09 AM on May 31, 2009


I really like the way their monotone, mealy-mouthed delivery of the Fruity Pebbles-esque lyrics is enhanced by the backing track that was lifted directly from iMovie's stock music selection.
posted by Shecky at 12:15 AM on June 2, 2009


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