Keep an eye in the sky

June 11, 2009 11:53 AM

Go buy a helmetbecause Astronomers calculate there is a tiny chance that Mars or Venus could collide with Earth.

Though it's likely to now happen for billions of years, maybe you should think about buying a helmet, putting a little post-it note on it, and burying it for your future relatives.

posted by CaptKyle (28 comments total)

...and lining it with tin foil
posted by ElvisJesus at 11:57 AM on June 11

If you buy a helmet now, it will have completely decomposed by the time of this collision. Your post should be deleted.
posted by poppo at 12:05 PM on June 11

I believe this is scheduled for next July, according to a swell party I recently attended.
posted by Lentrohamsanin at 12:06 PM on June 11 [5 favorites has favorites]

Wouldn't you need a bit more than a helmet to withstand the force of, you know, an entire planet? You may want to think this thing through a little longer.
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 12:09 PM on June 11

Women are from Venus. Men are from Mars.
posted by dawson at 12:10 PM on June 11

"I'm going to blow up the Earth. It obstructs my view of Venus."
posted by Guy_Inamonkeysuit at 12:12 PM on June 11 [1 favorite has favorites]

If you buy a helmet now, it will have completely decomposed by the time of this collision

Maybe, but at least you know you tried.

Wouldn't you need a bit more than a helmet to withstand the force of, you know, an entire planet? You may want to think this thing through a little longer.

No, a sturdy helmet would suffice.
posted by CaptKyle at 12:20 PM on June 11 [3 favorites has favorites]

There is a much greater chance I will have pizza again before I die!
posted by munchingzombie at 12:32 PM on June 11

Bring it on!

I fear nothing from you puny outliers!

I shake my fist at you and go bareheaded, oh capricious planetary orbits!

don't taze me, bro.
posted by Lipstick Thespian at 12:35 PM on June 11 [1 favorite has favorites]

Have you heard, it's in the stars. Next July we collide with Mars.
posted by cptnrandy at 12:44 PM on June 11 [3 favorites has favorites]

One of my favorite sci-fi concepts was in Anthony Burgess' book "The End of the World News" where the ships intended to save a small part of the human population before the Earth collided with another planet used the gravity of the fast-approaching celestial body to help reach escape velocity from Earth's gravitational pull moments before the collision. It was a very smart idea, a cool description of how it worked (the massive spaceships rising ver-r-ry slowly) and well-written suspense inherent in the tiny margin of error. It was the single highlight of an otherwise confused book that also included pseudo-historical stuff about Freud and Trotsky.
posted by wendell at 12:46 PM on June 11

ah, beat to the punch by Lentrohamsanin. Well, did you ever?
posted by cptnrandy at 12:47 PM on June 11

Next July we collide with Mars.

That's over a year away. No use disrupting our lives earlier than we have to; six weeks warning should be plenty. Besides, there's always a chance it WON'T happen.

Oh, waitaminute, will that be next July BEFORE or AFTER MetaFilter's 11th Birthday?
posted by wendell at 12:49 PM on June 11

When the moon
Is falling on my house
And Jupiter
Collides with Mars
Then we
Will all wear helmets
And drink
A lot in bars.
posted by Faint of Butt at 12:54 PM on June 11 [1 favorite has favorites]

What a swell party this is...
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 1:07 PM on June 11

There is a much greater chance I will have pizza again before I die!
posted by munchingzombie at 12:32 PM on June 11 [+] [!]

Epony-dishonest!
posted by Brak at 1:13 PM on June 11

This is the dawning of the Age of a Queezy Ass.
posted by wendell at 1:18 PM on June 11

Venus and Mars aren't alright tonight.
posted by kirkaracha at 1:39 PM on June 11

Celestial fail.
posted by Free word order! at 2:19 PM on June 11

At this rate, we have nothing to worry about. Mars or Venus are likely to lose their planet-hood status, so at that point they'll just be "really big space rocks." Hollywood has shown us time and time again how to deal with space rocks, so we'll be ready.
posted by mccarty.tim at 3:26 PM on June 11

Don't Panic!
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 3:57 PM on June 11 [2 favorites has favorites]

Pffffffffffffffft. Scientists, schmientists. Glenn Beck's been warning about this for years.
posted by Flunkie at 4:39 PM on June 11

Of all the ways I've imagined I'd die I never thought I'd go out like Chewbacca.
posted by mazola at 5:13 PM on June 11

Go buy a helmet? No way, I'm getting credit cards
though this has nothing to do with a possible interplanetary collision
posted by mattoxic at 6:10 PM on June 11

The post-it notes (and particularly the helmets) might not be necessary: ..."The Fifteenth and Sixteenth [men] achieve a great civilization and learn to study past minds." -Last and First Men
posted by Kronos_to_Earth at 6:30 PM on June 11

I believe this is scheduled for next July, according to a swell party I recently attended.

I was at that party! It was swelligant and elegant!
posted by Talez at 6:38 PM on June 11

Astronomers calculate there is a tiny chance that Mars or Venus could collide with Earth.

we'll move every member of the NRA to the side facing the colliding body and fire at will - the thrust will move earth farther away from the offending planet, and it'll be deader than hell anyway

yeah, a country boy WILL survive
posted by pyramid termite at 9:19 PM on June 11

Oh, Felgercarb.
posted by Guy_Inamonkeysuit at 5:26 AM on June 12