Woargh noise

June 25, 2009 3:32 AM

Steven Wells, the ranting music journalist known as Swells during his time excoriating indie bands on the NME, has died of cancer.

This man was God when I was a teenager. Unfortunately I can't find any of the reviews I loved - please feel free to post a few up if you got 'em.

posted by mippy (40 comments total)

http://www.philadelphiaweekly.com/news-and-opinion/cover-story/the_english_patient-38416404.html?page=1&comments=1&showAll
posted by mippy at 3:51 AM on June 25

. (I would put that in capitals if I could)
posted by featherboa at 3:54 AM on June 25

"your a fucking dick Steven Wells, just because you don't like Sum 41 don't mean teens can't, get some fucking friends! and a good taste in music, PRICK!"

Response to one of his reviews on NME.com. (A quick search on his name got me 165 hits, some of which are probably good).

RIP, I used to love his writing even though he slagged off bands that I liked. Additionally, his strong advocacy of gay rights and feminism helped open my 16-year-old eyes to those issues.
posted by Infinite Jest at 4:02 AM on June 25

I know some people who worked with him at the Weekly and were very close to him. I met Steve while working on a couple cover stories for the Weekly a few years ago and he said in his typical fashion, "love your fackin' wroiting, mate, US AGAINST THE FACKIN' BARBARIANS." I still really don't know what that meant, but it was hilarious at the moment how he said it, sort of shaking his fist in my face and all sour pussed.
posted by The Straightener at 4:13 AM on June 25 [2 favorites]

I would love to post his piece on vegetarianism from the NME Student Guide (1998/1999?) as it was hilarious spleen-splitting ranting, but sadly I cannae find it online. "'Meat-eaters wouldn't like to kill the animal they eat'. BOLLOCKS. Why not buy a chicken, from, like, Waitrose, and cut it's fucking head off with scissors? TWAT! NEXT!"
posted by mippy at 4:39 AM on June 25

.
posted by pompomtom at 4:40 AM on June 25

Everett True responds
posted by mippy at 4:50 AM on June 25 [1 favorite]

Yeah, count me in among those that loved his writing even though he absolutely hated the music that we loved. Right now, I'm remembering a guide to The New Wave of New Wave of British Heavy Metal that he wrote, he finished it of with something like "but excuse me, I'm going to have a lie down now" and that's what I got from his writing; a sense that he poured everything of himself into every word, that his writing was him, very physical stuff. Almost all of his sentences were on fire, they had this alarming urgency to them, you were either with them or you were against them, you could reach out and touch them. Sure, sometimes he got close to self-parody (and shot fish in a barrell) but when he truly believed in something, he was the light.

Additionally, his strong advocacy of gay rights and feminism helped open my 16-year-old eyes to those issues.

Yes, this as well, absolutely. This video for instance - "Homophobic Asshole" by Senseless Things, that Swells did as a part of GobTV - gave me so much inspiration.
posted by soundofsuburbia at 4:57 AM on June 25

I don't do this often but;

.
posted by MrMustard at 5:33 AM on June 25

Well, I can quote one Swells review in its entirety, since it was of my band's first single.

"They expect us to pay for this shit?"

We were pretty happy with it.
posted by unSane at 5:38 AM on June 25 [5 favorites]

"Part brilliance, part bullshit"

Not sure if this was from Swells himself or one of his NME contemporaries (describing the Black Crowes) but it seems apt. The guy could write some complete & utter crap but he knew how to write it well.

Attila The Stockbroker makes an appearance in the comments (#17) which is nice. He's performing @ Glastonbury this weekend so it'll be interesting to hear how he pays tribute.
posted by i_cola at 6:05 AM on June 25

If you check out that Philly Weekly link, you can see more of his recent writing for our alt-weekly.

A common conversation, especially with newcomers:

Q: What's UP with Steven Wells, is he an asshole or what?
A: Yeahhhh, he's OUR asshole. [beams with pride]

.
posted by desuetude at 6:10 AM on June 25

Music That I Like blog collects links to some tributes
posted by Abiezer at 6:18 AM on June 25

Sad, but great too to see he kept the vitriol up all the way to the end. The English Patient article is excellent.
posted by galaksit at 6:22 AM on June 25

Attila The Stockbroker makes an appearance in the comments (#17) which is nice. He's performing @ Glastonbury this weekend so it'll be interesting to hear how he pays tribute.

He's written a couple of poems about Swells, maybe he'll deliver one of them.
posted by Infinite Jest at 6:30 AM on June 25

.

There goes another childhood hero.
posted by Artw at 6:44 AM on June 25

I never read his journalism, but he was in charge of a short-lived UK publishing company called "ATTACK! Books" which published lurid stories full of sex, violence and violent sex. (As his mission statement said: "In your face, down your trousers and up your arse like a shit-eating rabbit on speed!") I met him in this context a couple of times and he was as full of excitement about offering off-the-rails literature to a non-literary audience as he was about music. (Btw, here's an interview about ATTACK! if you're interested.)

So I was very sorry to hear of his death. A moment of silence might not be the best way to commemorate him, given his extremely vocal, passionate, engaged persona.

Therefore:

!
posted by laumry at 6:46 AM on June 25 [3 favorites]

So I am saddened that I am only learning of this man upon his death, but if those articles for the Philadelphia Weekly are any indication, fuck-all if this guy wasn't an amazing and hilarious writer. It seemed almost inhumane to laugh out loud at someone's cancer tale, even as I know that is what he was striving for...

someone needs to publish a collection of his work, immediately.



.
posted by namewithoutwords at 6:53 AM on June 25

Ah, shit. Shitting shit it.
A writer of many talents, I know most will be in here commenting on the lasting impression his music journalism made on them, but more recently he'd been writing on sport for The Guardian, and they've got their own tribute up, featuring some of his greatest hits.
posted by hydatius at 6:53 AM on June 25 [1 favorite]

I wrote to him after he wrote this because I had been accepted to the medical school he was writing about the day before and he wrote back a lovely, funny note. Good guy.
posted by melodykramer at 7:59 AM on June 25

The Guardian music blog has a tribute, too. As does the NME, but the Guardian one is better (including, as it does, actual links to NME interviews by Swells).
posted by Infinite Jest at 8:26 AM on June 25 [1 favorite]

"Tim … never underestimate the stupidity of guitarists."

We lost a wise one.
posted by philip-random at 9:04 AM on June 25

Next time I'm tempted to have a pity party for myself, I'll remind myself of the following quote, describing his reaction to his cancer diagnosis:

I put the phone down and let out a huge, self-pitying “Why me?” The answer, of course, is the same as the answer to Travis’ shit-awful 1999 international breakthrough hit, “Why Does It Always Rain on Me?” Because you’re a fucking dick. Now shut the fuck up and grow a pair.

.
posted by carrienation at 9:12 AM on June 25 [2 favorites]

I have already planned my own funeral. I will sit up in the coffin, sporting a huge embalmed grin, my right hand waving with animatronic enthusiasm as my left hand furiously pumps an embalmed and cosmetically enlarged erection.



.
posted by jeffmik at 9:24 AM on June 25 [2 favorites]

Has anyone here by chance read Tits Out Teenage Terror Totty? I had never heard of it, and Googling around produces few but fascinating leads.
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 10:27 AM on June 25

I have read it and it is AWESOME.
posted by Artw at 10:29 AM on June 25

Big fan of swells and attila - sad loss.

.
posted by the_very_hungry_caterpillar at 10:40 AM on June 25

Thanks for this post -- he's all new to me. Here are some pretty great reviews of his that I've found:

Marilyn Manson, Tainted Love
Sex Pistols reunion show
Limp Bizkit, Boiler
Sex Pistols, God Save the Queen remix
Def Leppard Goodbye

And a self-description:
"Of course all this bollocks is written by an idiot who has polished his image as an existentialist, atheist hard-man and anti-mope, forever sneering at the tribes who wallow in self-pity-- the gothers, the emo kids, the Smiths fans-- the whole 900-block-wide marching band composed entirely of the white male urban middle classes who are convinced that (as the most affluent and pampered human beings who have ever walked the planet) theirs is a story worth hearing."
posted by msalt at 11:10 AM on June 25

As a sad indieboy teenager, I wrote a pretty lame angry letter (yes, actual letter) to the NME in response to one of Swells' typical pieces. It was shot down on the back page like an August 12 grouse by the man himself in two sentences. That's a formative experience, and a good one.

Now, thanks to the internet, thousands of people all over the world can say that they have had their chains therapeutically yanked by him, and mourn his loss. You could see that from the comments to his Guardian columns, where for every anguished 'How can you say that?', there'd be a couple of knowing nods of approval. Adios, Swells.
posted by holgate at 11:26 AM on June 25

I know it's a cliche to say that the current NME isn't fit to lick the boots of your chosen golden age (probably about the time you were 17), but it's true, goddammit. And Steven Wells, by dint of being there so long, was a key part of mine and many other's NME golden ages.

.
posted by F Lafferty at 11:27 AM on June 25

NME has a tribute up which nails it perfectly, along with some great quotes, including his views on what to do with the racist hardcore of English football fans (something along the lines of "hamstring them, burn their passports and then fit them with exploding collars that will explode if they move more than 5 miles from their house").

Before I sneered upthread I should have remembered that all their fey- white-boy-indie-rock-fellating-writers were off at Glastonbury and unable to write about his death.
posted by Infinite Jest at 12:38 PM on June 25

I bet they sent it in on their wanky iPhones.
posted by Artw at 12:54 PM on June 25

Has anyone here by chance read Tits Out Teenage Terror Totty? - goodnewsfortheinsane

Yes. A++, would get mindfucked by again. What are your feelings on Princess Di?
posted by rush at 1:29 PM on June 25 [2 favorites]

.
posted by rush at 1:29 PM on June 25

The biggest disappointment is that Thatcher outlives him.
posted by Artw at 1:50 PM on June 25

From the NME link:

NME 21 September 1991 (p.45)

NINE DANKE!
NINE INCH NAILS
BRISTOL BIERKELLER

DEAR MR Trent Reznor. There are pop music baddies and pop music goodies (make up your own list, scribble ‘em on your pencil case) and I really wanted NIN to be on my side. I sort of liked the records, their dumb negativity, their squeaky bleakness and flashes of metal. I’ll be best friends with any band that get so regularly lumped with The Revolting Cocks and their disgusting ilk. I came prepared to be awed.

Your band emerged from behind a barrage of eardrum-rupturing noise and grey fumes and…Oh my God! It’s Adam And The Ants! No the good Adam and the Ants with the funny jolly highwayman costumes and feathers in their hair, but the posy, posturing utterly, totally, definitively KER-RAP! pre-‘sell-out’ art-school version. I mean, you even do the Ants’ song ‘Physical’ and manage to make it sound crapper and even more ridiculous than the original.

OK, so looks aren’t everything, but they’re at least 50 per cent of a live show and, I’m sorry, but the sight of a pretentious little boy with a silly haircut crouched behind a microphone making “strange” gestures with his hands like some awesome rock-messiah always makes me want to laugh, at first. After about half an hour I felt bored and nauseated. Yes, I know the kids think you’re some sort of really cool gut-level intellectual cum poet, but they thought the same thing about Kirk Brandon. Doesn’t that worry you?

Mr Trent Reznor, I’m sure you’re a wonderful guy, I bet you love small children and dogs and are a warm and sensitive lover. But onstage you are about as much fun as Christmas in a genital cancer ward. An evening watching your band is about as pleasurable as three-way sex with Mr and Mrs Himmler.

And yes they sounded awful too. Almost every song plodded along, got good right at the end with some fancy metal guitar and then got crap again. I mean, I’ve seen some tedious gigs in my time, I’ve sat through some hideous hours of unlistenable, tuneless, dull shite – Spear Of Destiny, Theatre Of Hate, Ned’s Atomic Dustbin, New Order, Fields Of The Nephilim, Man O’War, Big Country (AAAAGH! My head hurts just thinking about them) – but you really take the industrial disco biscuit.

If you choose to make a T-shirt out of this review you will be invoiced accordingly. Yours sincerely,

Steven Wells
posted by Artw at 2:00 PM on June 25

*
posted by Kinbote at 2:11 PM on June 25

Thanks, rush.
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 7:10 PM on June 25

Before I sneered upthread I should have remembered that all their fey- white-boy-indie-rock-fellating-writers were off at Glastonbury and unable to write about his death.

I vaguely know McMahon in an internet way - he has his fey moments, but he loves Gallows.
posted by mippy at 1:40 AM on June 26

I should be experiencing compassion but instead I’m feeling disappointed. I’ve been brought up by American TV to expect the stabbed, the gut-shot and the Mafia-kneecapped to be fistfighting with the gangbangers, the crack addicts and the self-mutilating anorexic Goth chicks in ER waiting rooms. Instead there’s just lots of very fat people feeding McDonald’s to even fatter children.

Fear and loathing in ER
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 9:33 AM on July 4