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Jennifer stood there, quietly ovulating.
June 28, 2009 9:16 AM   Subscribe

The results of the 2009 Lyttle Lytton Contest are in. The Contest rewards unintentionally funny lines in writing.

Not to be confused with the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest. Those results aren't in yet.
posted by disclaimer (21 comments total) 5 users marked this as a favorite

 
Here are some links to previous mefi threads.
posted by disclaimer at 9:24 AM on June 28, 2009 [1 favorite]


They aren't really funny until you get to the Found section at the end. If Dan Brown really wrote the following he's even worse than I thought:

Despite having ascended to the most powerful political office in the world, President Zachary Herney was average in height, with a slender build and narrow shoulders.

posted by Bookhouse at 9:27 AM on June 28, 2009 [1 favorite]


No matter what you believe, whether you're a Christian, a Muslim, or a Jew, this is where it probably happened.

That is pretty painful.
posted by idiopath at 9:30 AM on June 28, 2009


Bookhouse, I've read Deception Point, and even though I've enjoyed some Dan Brown in the past, DP really is that bad.
posted by misha at 9:31 AM on June 28, 2009


I just read the whole page and nothing on it is funny. Even slightly. Hell, nothing on it is even amusing, let alone funny.
posted by You Should See the Other Guy at 9:38 AM on June 28, 2009


They're in, in the sense that they were published on April 16th, just like every year?
posted by Casuistry at 9:49 AM on June 28, 2009


“Ooh la la!” whispered Larry in French.

Larry may be the most amusing first name in the English language. Eggbert isn't all-purpose enough.
posted by Slap*Happy at 9:52 AM on June 28, 2009


If you enjoy this sort of thing, you're going to enjoy it, but not Peter.
posted by Astro Zombie at 9:52 AM on June 28, 2009


I just read the whole page and nothing on it is funny. Even slightly. Hell, nothing on it is even amusing, let alone funny.

Really? Did you take the following seriously then?

Org of Otterland was not Duke Og and Duchess Dina's first child, for that honor belonged to Natalya, brown-haired, eyed, and furred.

I almost spat a mouthful of coffee onto my keyboard.
posted by philip-random at 10:11 AM on June 28, 2009 [1 favorite]


More on Org of Otterland: The protagonist is Org Odysseus Otterland, an albino half-deer half-otter with white wings, gills, golden antlers and a furry dolphin tail. Org feels lonely in the world, despite the friendship of Camellia Carmichael, his chameleon friend and true love.
posted by erdferkel at 10:40 AM on June 28, 2009 [1 favorite]


That's because Org is, you know, different.
posted by willibro at 11:44 AM on June 28, 2009


The familiar "Arf! Arf! Boom!!" jolted Captain Lance Westwood out of a dream and reminded him that the war against the planet of the dog people wasn't going well.

That's one of those stories-in-a-sentence, right?
posted by jabberjaw at 11:47 AM on June 28, 2009 [2 favorites]


I just read the whole page and nothing on it is funny. Even slightly. Hell, nothing on it is even amusing, let alone funny.

Well, your sense of humor is just shit, then, isn't it?
posted by mr_roboto at 12:12 PM on June 28, 2009 [5 favorites]


Well, it IS pretty dry stuff, but since my sense of humor runs to the drought side anyway, I thought there were some hi-larious things there.

And yah, it's a little old. So am I. Not everything on mefi needs to be current.
posted by disclaimer at 2:24 PM on June 28, 2009


"I just read the whole page and nothing on it is funny. Even slightly. Hell, nothing on it is even amusing, let alone funny" insisted the man at the bar, generally nondescript in appearance except for the blood-caked and painful-looking gash on his head just above what should have been his hairline, and the inexplicable celebrity autograph impermanently tattooed on his forehead adjacent reading "You should see the other guy, (signed) Billy Mays".
posted by wendell at 2:51 PM on June 28, 2009 [1 favorite]


"The screams seemed to come from everywhere, especially after we installed surround sound."
posted by shadytrees at 3:19 PM on June 28, 2009


"As he sat on his patio eating the dog, Dr. Robert Laing reflected on the unusual events that had taken place within this small Pasadena bungalow during the previous three months."
posted by infinitewindow at 4:23 PM on June 28, 2009 [1 favorite]


Zamboni doubled — nay, TRIPLED over in happiness-demolishing agonies.

Is that you?
posted by Fiasco da Gama at 6:44 PM on June 28, 2009


I managed to hold in my laughter until "Jerry’s wife looked forward to a romantic time with him, Jerry."
posted by danb at 7:16 PM on June 28, 2009 [3 favorites]


I perused the previous years' entries, some of which are superbly, supremely hysterical.
This is the first time I have ever laughed so hard that my throat hurt.
posted by serena15221 at 8:41 PM on June 28, 2009


It's not easy to write as badly as Bulwer-Lytton deliberately. Try it.

As the clunk-thump of boots rapidly approached the puddle betraying her hiding spot, Edwina quivered, remembering her library books were overdue, had been due Tuesday, in fact.

It seemed to Karl as if the deafening storm would never end, and he contemplated in misery the suffering he'd endure if his golf game was cancelled and he was forced to spend Saturday with his wife.

"Eureka!" Tom shouted, overcome with joy that his thirty-seventh attempt at engineering a rodent-powered toaster had not erupted in flames, as twenty-two of the previous incarnations had.
posted by notashroom at 11:14 AM on June 29, 2009


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