Tears Are Not Enough

July 1, 2009 9:29 AM

Watch Bruce McDonald's Twitch City, read Ty Templeton's Stig's Inferno, listen to Al Purdy's On Being Human, play Ian and Linda Currie's Jagged Alliance, be vaguely unsettled by Michael Snow's Wavelength and have a happy Canada Day

Musical accompaniment:
Mary Margaret O'Hara - Body's In Trouble
Sloan - Underwhelmed
The Demics - New York City
Martha and the Muffins - Echo Beach
Rheostatics - Horses
Eric's Trip - Smother
The Viletones - Screaming Fist
The Diodes - Tired Of Waking Up Tired
Simply Saucer - Illegal Bodies
Slow - Have Not Been The Same
Young Canadians - Hawaii
Rough Trade - High School Confidential
Zumpano - The Party Rages On
The Pursuit Of Happiness – I’m An Adult Now
The Gandharvas - First Day Of Spring

posted by Simon! (50 comments total)

They've got the media thing down, but Canadian beer sucks. *runs away*
posted by waxboy at 9:45 AM on July 1, 2009

The Gandharvas? This is what you think represents us?
posted by Beardman at 9:54 AM on July 1, 2009 [1 favorite]

Wow twitch city is hilarious, thanks!
posted by Potomac Avenue at 9:55 AM on July 1, 2009

Stig's Inferno is one of my all time faves - I haven't seen it a while. Thanks for the reminder that it's online. And any excuse to discuss Sloan is OK with me!
posted by Slack-a-gogo at 9:58 AM on July 1, 2009 [1 favorite]

The Arcade Fire - Neighborhood #1 (Tunnels)
Guy Maddin's Heart of the World
Leonard Cohen - A Thousand Kisses Deep
posted by In The Annex at 10:01 AM on July 1, 2009

Jacques Cartier, right this way,
I'll put your coat up on the bed
Hey man you've got the real bum's eye for clothes
And come on in, sit right down,
no you're not the first to show
We've all been here since, God, who knows?
posted by Turtles all the way down at 10:08 AM on July 1, 2009

Uh. What does Jagged Alliance have to do with Canada?
posted by Justinian at 10:09 AM on July 1, 2009

Buck 65 - Roses and Bluejays (live at the ECMAs), and Buck 65 with Symphony Nova Scotia. There's plenty more Canadian hip-hop, but I'll leave it at that.
posted by filthy light thief at 10:09 AM on July 1, 2009 [1 favorite]

Yay!

Blibber and the Rat Crushers - Mommy's in the Mafia (and Jolly Tambourine Man - Apple Streudel Man)
Stompin' Tom Connors - Margo's Cargo
Plasterscenereplicas - We Can Walk
Stan Rogers - Barrett's Privateers
Godspeed You! Black Emperor - Moya
Anne Murray - Danny's Song
Nash the Slash - Dead Man's Curve
Handsome Ned - Cryin´ Heartache Misery
C.R. Avery - The Boxer Who Just Returned From London
B.B. Gabor - Moscow Drug Club (and Nyet Nyet Soviet)
posted by maudlin at 10:17 AM on July 1, 2009 [1 favorite]

I am drinking
I am drinking beer with yellow flowers
in underground sunlight
and you can see that I am a sensitive man
--- So begins the Al Purdy poem, At the Quinte Hotel (video with the voice of Al Purdy)
posted by dougzilla at 10:19 AM on July 1, 2009 [3 favorites]

What's with the circa-1990 playlist?

How about some Metric, Crystal Castles, Arcade Fire, Stars, heck even Buck 65, yeah.

Go listen to some Radio 3 everyone!
posted by GuyZero at 10:26 AM on July 1, 2009

Stig's Inferno isn't good enough to rate a FPP all by itself?
posted by JHarris at 10:28 AM on July 1, 2009

Oh, Canada.
posted by klangklangston at 10:29 AM on July 1, 2009

Good day, welcome to the Great White North, I'm Bob McKenzie an' this is my brother Doug (How's it goin, eh?), and our topic today is The Great White North.
posted by not_on_display at 10:29 AM on July 1, 2009

Uh. What does Jagged Alliance have to do with Canada?

Being Canadian. Made by a small, independent team out of Ottawa, if I'm remembering correctly. Admittedly, I could be confused. Google is unhelpful.

You can play N or Everyday Shooter if you want your Canada Day-related independent video game recreation time to be more confident in its nationality, but it kind of hurts the 'it is 1994 and you live in Sudbury' theme.
posted by Simon! at 10:29 AM on July 1, 2009

Happy Canada Day from Kate Beaton (for those of you who don't read the NatPost, and why should you read the NatPost, after all...)
posted by Sidhedevil at 10:35 AM on July 1, 2009

Twitch City is terrific. Also a huge fan of Slings and Arrows.
posted by muckster at 10:37 AM on July 1, 2009

And that video of At the Quinte Hotel stars the Hip's Gord Downie.
posted by showmethecalvino at 10:38 AM on July 1, 2009

Nardwuar the Human Serviette and his fellow conspirators, the Evaporators.

And yes, the French babe in the beret is Neko Case.
posted by philip-random at 10:42 AM on July 1, 2009

You could play [PROTOTYPE].
posted by Elmore at 10:43 AM on July 1, 2009

Oh, Canada.

Definitely one of the dumber anthems out there. Depending on the delivery, the first two words are utterly open to interpretation, as much a statement of profound frustration as anything else. Kind of like a mother who's at her absolute wit's end with her nine year old's unwillingness to clean his room ...

Ohhhh, Raymond ...
posted by philip-random at 10:47 AM on July 1, 2009

Being Canadian. Made by a small, independent team out of Ottawa, if I'm remembering correctly. Admittedly, I could be confused. Google is unhelpful.

I was going to object that Sir-Tech was an American company and it wasn't until later, for example with Wizardry 8, that Sir-Tech had been pared down to Sir-Tech Canada but then it occured to me that perhaps Sir-Tech only published Jagged Alliance. And, lo, JA was actually developed by MadLab software. So I declare: CANADIAN.
posted by Justinian at 10:50 AM on July 1, 2009

Or at least as Canadian as possible under the circumstances.
posted by Justinian at 10:57 AM on July 1, 2009 [3 favorites]

Don McKellar - Last Night
Leonard Cohen - Don't Go Home With Your Hard-On
posted by benzenedream at 10:59 AM on July 1, 2009

And in the dollar store, the clerk is closing up
counting loonies trying not to say
I hate Winnipeg.
(Stick a set of Toronto photos in front and you've got Canada in a nutshell.)

Or just blast some Plaskett.
posted by bookley at 10:59 AM on July 1, 2009 [1 favorite]

Rufus, Martha, Kate, Anna McGarrigle: Heart Like a Wheel
posted by Turtles all the way down at 11:00 AM on July 1, 2009

The Weakerthans:

Civil Twilight
Left and Leaving
and especially One Great City!

Also, if you are in the Calgary area, I've just learned the Rural Alberta Advantage are playing a last-minute-booked show on Stephen Avenue at 6pm tonight. Just look for wherever the bandstand is set up, they seem to think it'll be near Winners, which seems wrong to me. They were the cult hit of Sled Island for good reason. If there's a band out there doing better folk-pop ballads about the Frank Slide and punk-tinged ditties about trying to ride your bike from Fort Mac to Edmonton, I haven't heard of 'em.

On preview, bookley, I raise my (excellent, not too expensive) Fort Garry Pale to you!
posted by gompa at 11:01 AM on July 1, 2009

Joni: Case of You
posted by Turtles all the way down at 11:05 AM on July 1, 2009

Also, an NFB animation gold trilogy:

John Weldon - Log Driver's Waltz (soundtrack by Kate & Anna McGarrigle)
Richard Condie - The Big Snit (Sawing for Teens!)
Norman McLaren & Oscar Peterson - Begone Dull Care (just fucking mesmerizing)
posted by gompa at 11:24 AM on July 1, 2009 [1 favorite]

Also Canadian: creepiest female serial killer, Karla Holmolka.
posted by Justinian at 11:37 AM on July 1, 2009

That's a pretty damn kick ass version of "Underwhelmed", right there!
posted by soundofsuburbia at 11:37 AM on July 1, 2009

Stan Rogers -- White Collar Holler:

And it's ho-boys, can't you code it
program it right, nothing ever happens in this life of mine
I'm haulin' out the data on the Xerox line

posted by Chuckles at 11:56 AM on July 1, 2009 [2 favorites]

musn't forget the Venetian Snares tribute album to the fair city of Winnipeg:

Winnipeg is a frozen shithole

Winnipeg as Mandatory Scat Feed

Winnipeg Is A Dogshit Dildo

Winnipeg Is Fucking Over

Die Winnipeg Die Die Die Fuckers Die
posted by geos at 11:57 AM on July 1, 2009 [2 favorites]

Stan Rogers -- White Collar Holler

Holy shit, a Stan Rogers song not only about coding, but with punchcard references.

"Because no one's going to fold bend or mutilate me."

Just... wow.
posted by GuyZero at 12:09 PM on July 1, 2009

geos: I'm not clear on how the Venetian Snares guy feels about Winnipeg. Is there any less subtle work of his that might clear that up for me?
posted by Justinian at 12:50 PM on July 1, 2009

Also: Toronto Maple Leafs, greatest team in history. All others: fail.
posted by Justinian at 12:51 PM on July 1, 2009

That's a strange way of measuring failure!
posted by Flashman at 1:23 PM on July 1, 2009

So Doug, a huge Leafs fan, dies. Because Doug had been a pretty bad guy during his life, he goes to hell. (He made several right turns on a red while on vacation in Montreal) One day while out on his rounds, the Devil notices Doug, who is sitting in a lawn chair looking relaxed.

WTF are you doing? screams the Devil.

It was a mighty wet summer in Toronto this year. It's nice to enjoy a little warmth, says Doug.

So the Devil cranks it up another notch. That will show him he thinks.

The next day, Doug is out having a barbecue. Again, the Devil confronts him.

It was really cold last winter, says Doug. It's nice to finally have some decent weather.

(Note that in truth Doug would have been hiding in the Underground Mall at this point in life, but work with me here).

So the Devil decides that if Doug is liking the heat so much he'll show him what Hell is all about. So he cranks Hell's thermostat to fifty below.

The next day the Devil sees Doug running around like a madman, screaming and yelling, jumping up and down. That's more like it thinks the Devil. But as he gets closer the Devil realizes that Doug is actually screaming with joy, yelling:

"The Leafs won the Cup! The Leafs won the Cup!"
posted by GuyZero at 1:23 PM on July 1, 2009 [2 favorites]

This is me ignoring you.
posted by Justinian at 1:31 PM on July 1, 2009

I had forgotten that the Leafs existed.

You know, because I only watch hockey during the playoffs.
posted by klangklangston at 2:13 PM on July 1, 2009 [3 favorites]

Hey, what about hockey? eh? This is about Canada after all.
- Jughead - the Hockey Song
- Stompin' Tom - The Hockey Song & Sudbury Saturday Night
- The Hanson Brothers - The Hockey Song
- Corb Lund - The Hockey Song
- This isn't strictly Canadian (but close enough I suspect) Slap Shot, Hanson Bros. Debut

This is Mystery Science Theater 3000 praising slagging our beloved homeland in their Canada song.
posted by dougzilla at 2:19 PM on July 1, 2009

Our Yaks are really large... and they smell like rotting beef carcasses.
posted by GuyZero at 2:22 PM on July 1, 2009

Hinterland Who's Who: The Muskox.
posted by benzenedream at 3:08 PM on July 1, 2009

- Logan Aubé - Hockey Scores
- Foggy Hogtown Boys at the Brunswick House (and yeah, that's the same banjo player as Jughead)
- Ken Reaume
posted by scruss at 4:03 PM on July 1, 2009

I will forever love our neighbors to the north for giving the world degrassi.
Yours truly,
a fan of Canadian melodrama and girls who say aboot.
posted by cloax at 5:32 PM on July 1, 2009

I would like to put this "aboot" nonsense to rest once and for all.

There are 5 vowels - most of you have seen or heard them all by now. The reason we have 5 is that they all sound different when pronounced. If two sounded the same, we'd get rid of one of them. That's why "y" has yet to get official vowel status.

Americans, for some reason, have one vowel - a flat a. The sound you make when the doctor asks you to stick your tongue out so he can examine the back of your throat. aaaaahhhhh. Some lexicographer will no doubt correct me on the proper nomenclature for this sound.

This is the only vowel in the American phonetic lexicon.

"Lats ahl stay abaht tha hase"

"yah baht dasn't flaht"

"Ah dahn't knah what yah talkahn abaht"

ad nauseum.

"about" contains both the vowels "o" and "u". You can use one or both of them. The only "a" is at the beginning of the word.

Americans: 5 vowels. Use them all.
posted by GuyZero at 5:52 PM on July 1, 2009 [3 favorites]

I would like to put this "aboot" nonsense to rest once and for all.

Agreed. Besides, anyone who's ever heard an (upper) Canadian speak knows they actually say "a boat"
posted by Space Coyote at 6:03 PM on July 1, 2009

This thread reminds me... right about now I could be in Wascana Park seeing Harlequin.
posted by evilcolonel at 8:01 PM on July 1, 2009

Oh yah? Fuck Canada, eh? Fuck America, dontcha know. If Jesus Died For My Sins, Why Am I Filled W/Regret And Shame, etc, etc, etc. (Warning: graphic language, angry music, fucking fantastic)
posted by filthy light thief at 12:13 AM on July 2, 2009

To continue the Winnipeg-bashing: the Winnipeg Whore song [1960s nudity NSFW].
posted by benzenedream at 12:17 AM on July 2, 2009