Join 3,495 readers in helping fund MetaFilter (Hide)


Geisha Missile. Geisha Dance. Geisha Army. Geisha Transfrom. Fried Shrimp.
July 2, 2009 8:39 PM   Subscribe

Geisha is robot.
posted by youarenothere (63 comments total) 11 users marked this as a favorite

 
Yeah, this seriously needs NSFW and NSFL (not safe for lunch) tags.

But otherwise amusing.
posted by ErWenn at 8:46 PM on July 2, 2009


In a world where...
posted by kittens for breakfast at 8:46 PM on July 2, 2009


Er, not tags. Warnings.
posted by ErWenn at 8:46 PM on July 2, 2009


Needs the FRIED SHRIMP!!! tag.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 8:53 PM on July 2, 2009 [1 favorite]


For the last three days, every time I see anything remotely milk-related, I think TENGU MILK.
posted by middleclasstool at 8:58 PM on July 2, 2009


I wish I had a girlfriend who could transform into a tank. She looks all happy!

But... none of that other stuff. That's just weird.
posted by LordSludge at 8:59 PM on July 2, 2009 [2 favorites]


Oh my.
posted by unSane at 9:09 PM on July 2, 2009


What
posted by Xoebe at 9:11 PM on July 2, 2009


The Clinton Street Theater is just down the street, and they showed Tokyo Gore Police, so if I am lucky they will also be showing this film. Because it would be a travesty to watch the movie that trailer implies on a screen less than twenty feet wide.
posted by idiopath at 9:18 PM on July 2, 2009 [1 favorite]


That looks AWESoME!
And it makes me want to break out my copy of I Love Maria.
posted by The Great Big Mulp at 9:19 PM on July 2, 2009


The problem with most Japanese films from this genre is there isn't much to hold your interest after seeing the trailer. Tokyo Gore Police, I'm looking at you.

also, fuck the "what" comments dropped in ever third thread. Yeah, we get it - it's weird & the only way you know how to express that you think so is by repeating some joke that was maybe funny the first time it was made on Something Awful or wherever. Knock it off.
posted by item at 9:23 PM on July 2, 2009 [1 favorite]


I love how the narration is naming things like it's crossing items off a checklist.

- Have we got Geisha Chainsaw yet?
- Roger that.
- How about Tengu Milk?
- Yup.
- Bust Machine Gun and Fried Shrimp?
- Done and done.


As if you will either like this movie purely because it has these things in it or you won't.
'nuff said.
posted by juv3nal at 9:26 PM on July 2, 2009


WHAT TOOK SO LONG?
posted by msali at 9:27 PM on July 2, 2009


*makes note in small text file reading "Metafilter: four point five days until infection with two girls one cut video"*
posted by loquacious at 9:33 PM on July 2, 2009


This is way better than all of those other FPPs involving someone getting stabbed in the asshole.
posted by Mikey-San at 9:35 PM on July 2, 2009 [3 favorites]


also, fuck the "what" comments dropped in ever third thread. Yeah, we get it - it's weird & the only way you know how to express that you think so is by repeating some joke that was maybe funny the first time it was made on Something Awful or wherever. Knock it off.

wut?
posted by loquacious at 9:35 PM on July 2, 2009 [1 favorite]


Ahem, sorry.

wut
posted by loquacious at 9:36 PM on July 2, 2009


loquacious: "two girls one cut"

I instantly imagined a kubrik-style single sweeping long shot version of Two Girls One Cup, complete with Ligeti soundtrack.
posted by idiopath at 9:38 PM on July 2, 2009 [2 favorites]


Missing tags: batshitinsane, knifebutt
posted by loquacious at 9:38 PM on July 2, 2009 [1 favorite]


ಠ_ಠ
posted by loquacious at 9:45 PM on July 2, 2009 [3 favorites]


They get these ideas from a ten year old child who isn't allowed to be around other children. Right?
posted by orme at 9:51 PM on July 2, 2009


double-you-hat
posted by Mikey-San at 9:53 PM on July 2, 2009


what confuses me most is the death-metal cookiemonster voiceover...
posted by geos at 10:13 PM on July 2, 2009 [5 favorites]


I'm either going to have wonderful dreams or horrible nightmares from having watched that.
posted by the other side at 10:14 PM on July 2, 2009


Geisha is no tags or warnings
posted by mattoxic at 10:16 PM on July 2, 2009


I predict that Fukuda will get a knife in the butt from McCartney for ripping off 'Live and Let Die'.
posted by tellurian at 10:17 PM on July 2, 2009 [3 favorites]


Japan seems like a lot of fun.
posted by heyho at 10:19 PM on July 2, 2009


The music behind the trailer sounds really familiar. Maybe from a videogame?
posted by lazaruslong at 10:22 PM on July 2, 2009


Needs asskatana, bleedingfromuncomfortableplaces tags.
posted by zippy at 10:33 PM on July 2, 2009


Buildings that bleed. How have I never seen that before?
posted by Uncle Ira at 10:34 PM on July 2, 2009 [6 favorites]


Item: Sorry.
posted by loquacious at 10:42 PM on July 2, 2009


is this I dont even
posted by The otter lady at 10:44 PM on July 2, 2009 [1 favorite]


Special Effects Director
Yoshihiro Nishimura
Tokyo Gore Police


This explains a lot.


Wait... no, not really.
posted by louche mustachio at 10:46 PM on July 2, 2009 [1 favorite]


The music behind it is a sound-alike of "Live and Let Die" - which is why it sounds familiar...
posted by lupus_yonderboy at 10:50 PM on July 2, 2009


Buildings that bleed. How have I never seen that before?

Well, they are full of people, who are, like, massive bags of lurid crimson blood. Hundreds and thousands of gallons of blood. At least for the purposes of advancing the plot, which is surely paramount in a fine feature film such as this.

I will probably have to wait to see this until they show it on Lifetime. Sigh.
posted by louche mustachio at 10:52 PM on July 2, 2009


I'm upset that they don't know the difference between a chainsaw and a circular saw.
posted by aubilenon at 10:56 PM on July 2, 2009 [4 favorites]


The music behind the trailer sounds really familiar. Maybe from a videogame?
That doesn't surprise me - Yasuhiko Fukuda.
posted by tellurian at 11:14 PM on July 2, 2009


I swear these movies all seem to be aimed exclusively at western audiences who go nuts over the bizarre content.
This trailer was all over just about every english language news/link site I checked today, and yet when I showed it to actual Japanese people they were like "What the fuck is this crap?" and hadn't heard of any of the people involved.
posted by nightchrome at 11:27 PM on July 2, 2009 [1 favorite]


HANDICAP GUN
posted by danny the boy at 11:38 PM on July 2, 2009


nightchrome: yeah as far as I know most Americans don't know anything about John Waters' early films, most Mexicans haven't heard of Jodorovksy, and most Germans have not heard of Buttgreit - grotesque nihilistic low brow shock value cinema has an international following, but most people have not even heard of the stuff from their own country if they don't follow the genre.
posted by idiopath at 12:05 AM on July 3, 2009 [2 favorites]


name spelling corrections: Jorg Buttgriet, Alejandro Jodorowsky
posted by idiopath at 12:09 AM on July 3, 2009


Buildings that bleed. How have I never seen that before?

Maybe because you weren't dragged to the obvious bore-fest that was Tokyo Gore Police by your obvious girlfriend like I was. I'm sure buildings bled somewhere in there.

loq: accepted.
posted by item at 12:21 AM on July 3, 2009


yeah as far as I know most Americans don't know anything about John Waters' early films

Come on, John Waters is so mainstream he gets guest spots on The Simpsons. You can't get much more mainstream than that.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 1:00 AM on July 3, 2009


I was referring not to the person (director of many Hollywood films in his later career), but rather films like Multiple Maniacs, Desperate Living, Female Trouble, Pink Flamingos. I think he is better known for Hairspray, Polyester, and the rest of his tamer post-grossout stuff. Pink Flamingos may be the exception here.
posted by idiopath at 1:07 AM on July 3, 2009


Desperate Living & Female Trouble are two of the best American films from the second half of the 20th century. No need to discuss - it's just true.
posted by item at 1:18 AM on July 3, 2009 [2 favorites]


Bleeding buildings, that part had real promise. If in the middle of a movie where some big building robot, or even, hell a car or as a result of a gun battle, one formerly inanimate object were crashing into another and then both object started to react as though they were actually sentient beings - but react not in the style of the rest of the movie, all roll-your-eyes and howl react, but actually show 'realistic' levels of pain and agony and dismay. That could be cool.

On a different note - what the fuck does a movie like this mean, in a cultural sense, in Japan? Is it just some dumb thing or is it saying something or...
posted by From Bklyn at 1:19 AM on July 3, 2009


what the fuck does a movie like this mean, in a cultural sense, in Japan?

It's a commentary on class structure and society's treatment of the elderly in post-war Japan.
posted by deliquescent at 5:47 AM on July 3, 2009 [2 favorites]


It's a commentary on class structure and society's treatment of the elderly in post-war Japan.

Wait, I thought that was "Ghost in the Shell"...
posted by Pendragon at 6:25 AM on July 3, 2009


It's a commentary on class structure and society's treatment of the elderly in post-war Japan.
So the bleeding buildings are old people? Or is that the butt-sword wielding geisha? So many mysteries, so little time...
posted by From Bklyn at 6:31 AM on July 3, 2009 [1 favorite]


the death-metal cookiemonster voiceover...

Death. Metal. Cookiemonster.

I swear, if I had infinite five dollarses, I could register a new sockpuppet name every freaking day.
posted by rokusan at 6:52 AM on July 3, 2009 [1 favorite]


I am so tired of these stereotypes! GEISHA DOES NOT EQUAL ROBOT! In fact very few of the highest-class geishas are robots at all. It's more about conversation and entertainment. A geisha MIGHT stab one of her regular customers with a bio-metallic forearm blade, but ONLY IF SHE WANTED TO AS A PERSON. It's really insulting to confuse these trained professional artists with futuristic cyber-assassins!!!
posted by No-sword at 6:55 AM on July 3, 2009 [10 favorites]


Hey, Japan, glad you could make it. Have a seat. You want a drink or something? Water? Soda? Pocari Sweat? No, okay. You know everybody, right? Britain, Germany, Russia. Yeah, that's Brazil over there, hey man, say hi. Cool.

Wow, this is really hard. Just listen for a second, just hear me out. We invited you here because I think we need to talk. Dude, you know we love you, right? Everybody loves the crazy things you do. The electronics are are cool, and the ninjas and the samurais rule. Oh, and the robots! Dude, the robots are fucking awesome, lemme tell you. Transformers and Robotech and shit. Remember Star Blazers? Star Blazers was the shit, man. Fucking halcyon days, man, when TV ran Star Blazers and Robotech back to back. And now you've got real robots and Akira, and believe me all that shit is totally fucking first-rate. No joke. Even the zen sandbox stuff with the puddles and the little mini trees and and the seafood that looks like candy, it's all good. And all that dedication to perfection and excellence is really inspiring.

But something happened. You used to be cool, Japan. But now you got all...weird.

No, no hear me out, man. I want ot say this. Look dude, your shit is totally fucked up. No wait, sit down. I just watched this fucking RoboGeisha shit, and you had a chick take a sword up the ass, and some other ninja samurai girls spraying deadly breast milk on a grandmother. I mean, what the fuck? What the fuck am I supposed to do with that? I can't even believe I said that sentence. And then I watched this Tokyo Gore Police, and it has the breast milk thing all over again. It's like you had robots, which are cool, but then you had to made them creepy submissive sex robots and pretend they are substitutes for real women, so you added functioning lactating breasts. Lactation is not a deadly weapon, okay. Are you scared it'll get your origami cranes all soggy or something? Lactation is a natural, beautiful thing--not at all like battery acid.

This misogyny is everywhere with you. Did a girl dump you once? Is it a penis thing? What's with all the woman-hating? I saw like fifteen pictures on the internet of chicks getting raped by octopi. One or two pictures is okay, I guess, maybe as some high concept art shit, like one day all the sushi we eat will fucking come back and kills us or something, but more than that is no accident. And you black out the pubic hair every time, but you don't black out the giant penetrating tentacle?

And then there's the whole panties thing, and the little schoolgirls, and the endless fucking bukkake. It's like fuckin' Bukkake Beach Party over there. Nobody else even imagined it before, so why the fuck do you have a special word for it? Pubic hair is filthy, but the facial culmination of a Yakuza gang rape is not? It makes no sense. This is lunacy.

And we're even prepared to cut you some slack, okay? The atomic bomb fucked you up a little, we get it. And you know what? For what it's worth, we are really sorry about that, we really are. And it's not like we don't have our own problems, okay? We have Faces of Death. Saw. I Spit On Your Grave. The Bachelorette. But we know when enough is enough. We had Sex and the City, but eventually came to our senses.

It's not that bad? Not that bad? Are you shitting me? Okay, I didn't want to bring this up, but you need to see you've hit rock bottom. Japan, I looked it all up. I've seen it all. You want the list? Hentai. Yaoi. Futanari, man, futa-fucking-nari. Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with you? How many dicks do you want a girl to have?

And look, you know something is wrong when Germany is at your intervention. Oh, what, now you too? Don't get all offended, Fetish Uber Alles. Every third movie you make is a chicken raping a guy in a bra and ball gag as Mother looks on disapprovingly. If it's not vinyl and suffocating, it just isn't sex, right? You know what? I'm sorry I brought your pervy, stern, poor-circulation ass to the fucking party. Just sit down and shut the fuck up, okay? No, I'm got going to slap you and tell you how bad you are. *sigh* Christ, no wonder you people invented psychiatry.

Shit, where was I? Oh yeah, the fucking furry pedophile rape octupus bukkake shit. Seriously, you gotta cut that out or we can't be friends. No no, don't point to Brazil like he is anywhere near as fucked up as you. Two Girls One Cup was a fucking riot and you know it. Two chicks sharing a tasty treat and a few laughs on a hot summer's day, nothing wrong with that. Plus, he's got Carnivale. Naked women on parade floats makes up for a lot of coprophilia. It's like watching a Disney movie after watching a porno. It cleanses the palette.

Look, Japan, we're here for you. And I'm not saying you need to get rid of all of it. Robogeisha transforms into a tank? Sign me up. Geisha chainsaw chews up some middle-aged salaryman? That's what he gets for not carpe-ing the fucking diem and living life, you know what I'm saying?

You want to draw pictures of vampire schoolgirls with four penises and put it on DeviantArt, well, I can't stop you. But I would ask you to think twice before you sell her soiled panties in a subway station vending machine.

Come on, Japan, we love you. You're better than this.
posted by Pastabagel at 8:15 AM on July 3, 2009 [20 favorites]


Come on, Japan, we love you. You're better than this.

No, not in my experience.
posted by mexican at 8:29 AM on July 3, 2009


I showed this to a friend of mine with a robot geisha tattooed on her arm and for a moment, it was pure magic.

It's easier for me to get excited about gratuitous stuff like this precisely because it doesn't have a viable plot and isn't intended to make sense or be relevant at all. It's just a genre that serves to titillate the viewer--much like Pink Flamingos ("let's make a movie where we find the grossest thing possible and film it--how about I eat dog poop in real time, ON FILM!!"), gore-fests (Cannibal Holocaust comes to mind), and Hentai.

I think orgiastic OMG 'SPLOSIONS!-fests like Transformers 2, whose real intention is to feature mediocre music, more special effects than your eye can possibly process, and sell billions of dollars' worth of toys, happy meals and DVDs (yet pretends to have some kind of discernible, linear plot, when really, it's JUST a vehicle to spend too much money on special effects that counts on manipulating the emotional ties the intended audience has with a beloved childhood cartoon series)-- to that, I say:

you say potato, I say... Katana.

Whatever your preferred brand of film exploitation, I'm just glad there's a genre out there for all of us.

so obviously I'll be seeing this and High Kick Girl in the theater, if they play anywhere near here
posted by Unicorn on the cob at 8:47 AM on July 3, 2009 [2 favorites]


Oh, and Pastabagel, that was epic.
posted by Unicorn on the cob at 8:51 AM on July 3, 2009


Needs more SPLATSHRIMPINSANE tags.
posted by Iosephus at 8:56 AM on July 3, 2009


Ah, I was beginning to wonder what George Lucas was up to these days...
posted by samsara at 9:00 AM on July 3, 2009


Ah, I was beginning to wonder what George Lucas was up to these days...

Nothing this entertaining.
posted by ryoshu at 9:28 AM on July 3, 2009


Machine Girl was literally the most amusing movie I've ever seen. It had everything I ever could have wanted. That 13 year old boy who eternally lives in the back of my head was mesmerized. He'd go, "Hey can we have a lady who has drills for boobs" and the movie was like, "Yeah, okay" and then he'd be like "Can we have ninjas in tracksuits?" and the movie would go, "Okay" and then he'd start jumping up and down and he'd say, "Can Machine Girl kill a 15 year old boy, deep fry his head, serve it to his mother, have the Mom throw up on the head and then get stabbed so hard she PUKES UP HER INTESTINES?!" and the movie goes, "Kid, I told you, we got it".

It was awesome, provided you had a sense of amusement for it's over-the-top approach to EVERYTHING. RoboGeisha looks the same. Me and My 13 Year Old self are beyond excited.
posted by GilloD at 10:33 AM on July 3, 2009 [3 favorites]


Pastabagel, for a few minutes there, you made my boring night at work a little less boring. That was the most beautiful comment-thread nation-scale intervention I think I've ever read. Thank you. Thank you.
posted by Mister Moofoo at 5:37 PM on July 3, 2009


Been watching these sort of trailers since Machine Girl get progressively more mental... one day I'll actually watch one, one day. But I can't help feel I'll be disappointed.

Oh yeah and characterizing this as the some total of Japanese culture is like say the UK is just Benny Hill
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 9:08 AM on July 4, 2009


I don't think it's really fare to judge a country by it's weirdest pornography.
posted by empath at 3:54 PM on July 4, 2009


or fair, either.
posted by empath at 3:54 PM on July 4, 2009


« Older Machu Picchu...  |  Afterbirth for Dinner (Time Ma... Newer »


This thread has been archived and is closed to new comments