Dogs were just the beginning.

July 8, 2009 8:47 PM

Look what gay marriage hath wrought! (SLYT)
posted by Krrrlson (49 comments total)

Shit, forgot NSFW tag.
posted by Krrrlson at 8:48 PM on July 8, 2009

That poor cat. Get that fucking thing off of it!
posted by Mayor Curley at 8:56 PM on July 8, 2009 [2 favorites]

my cat's breath smells like cat food!
posted by sexyrobot at 8:56 PM on July 8, 2009

Like I needed any more proof that monkeys are sluts.
posted by Senor Cardgage at 9:02 PM on July 8, 2009

I have no idea how these people got their cats wedged into their monkeys, or why.

Oh, wait, damn, we're a few days early.
posted by Muddler at 9:03 PM on July 8, 2009

I think this is the video they show the monkeys at Roritor when making the "secret ingredient" that goes in Gleemonex.
posted by Senor Cardgage at 9:07 PM on July 8, 2009 [9 favorites]

Unless those animals are the same sex, it was opposite-sex marriage that "wrought." The same way opposite-sex marriage caused polygamy.

Slippery slope: we let men marry women, and monkeys are going to wanna fuck cats.
posted by ethnomethodologist at 9:11 PM on July 8, 2009 [4 favorites]

I no longer believe in evolution.
posted by philip-random at 9:12 PM on July 8, 2009

My cat would beat the living shit out of that monkey.
posted by Houyhnhnm at 9:15 PM on July 8, 2009 [4 favorites]

I no longer believe in Bast and Hanuman.
posted by fleetmouse at 9:20 PM on July 8, 2009 [3 favorites]

Note that this happened under Obama's watch!
posted by Gilbert at 9:25 PM on July 8, 2009 [4 favorites]

I found the infantile kitty-talk by the observers to be pretty weird. OK, I kind of get it if a cat is doing something cat-like and adorable, like chasing a motorized mouse or playing with a piece of string. But making those noises while a cat is raped by a monkey reveals a whole new strain of cat-inspired mental illness. "Do you love your kitty kitty, little man?" They're like the cheering men in The Accused.
posted by brain_drain at 9:27 PM on July 8, 2009 [11 favorites]

Okay. So. Uh.....right about 1:00 in? When the monkey leans back to scratch his hip? Whilst the woman offscreen is murmuring, "Aw, you luv your kitty-kitty, Mr. Man"? Am I the only one who saw him providing visual confirmation of an extremely high level of affection for the cat?

Yes, I am indeed, a sick sick person. Point taken. But am I also crazy?
posted by Diablevert at 9:28 PM on July 8, 2009

I no longer believe in life after love.
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 9:28 PM on July 8, 2009 [5 favorites]

related
posted by sloe at 9:31 PM on July 8, 2009

Squeal like a... cat?
posted by dirigibleman at 9:34 PM on July 8, 2009 [1 favorite]

I no longer believe in life after love.

After love, after love, after love...

(Sorry dirtynumbangelboy, you needed a backup singer.)
posted by greekphilosophy at 9:42 PM on July 8, 2009 [3 favorites]

My cat would beat the living shit out of that monkey.

probably not. pound for pound, monkey muscle is about 10x the strength of human muscle. does your cat work out?
posted by sexyrobot at 9:43 PM on July 8, 2009

That was hot.
posted by 0xdeadc0de at 9:48 PM on July 8, 2009

Monkeypox!
posted by Sailormom at 9:59 PM on July 8, 2009

Cat shouldn't have been looking all sexy-like if she didn't want it.
posted by Justinian at 10:06 PM on July 8, 2009 [2 favorites]

Gay Marriage Consqeuences in Denmark
posted by sebastienbailard at 10:09 PM on July 8, 2009 [3 favorites]

Finally, we now know what the video for "Total Eclipse of the Heart" was all about.
posted by darkstar at 10:11 PM on July 8, 2009

This is a surprise? Monkeys are slutty.

(VVNSFW unless your boss is cool with rampant simian sodomy narrated by Spaniards).
posted by felix betachat at 10:39 PM on July 8, 2009

"Making out with" does not equal "trying to suck the brains out through the nostrils".
posted by loquacious at 10:51 PM on July 8, 2009

what the fuck does this have to do with gay marriage, you unrepentant troglodyte?
posted by pyramid termite at 11:06 PM on July 8, 2009

MeTa
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 11:08 PM on July 8, 2009

While I agree with your assessment of Krrrlson, it seems pretty obvious that it was meant to take the piss, given how many right-wing troglodytes claim that gay marriage will lead to all sorts of nastiness.
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 11:08 PM on July 8, 2009 [1 favorite]

Dogs were just the beginning. -- Look what gay marriage hath wrought!

Like others, I am confused. What do dogs, monkeys and cats have to do with "gay marriage?"
posted by ericb at 11:30 PM on July 8, 2009

*sigh*

Many right-wing troglodytes have conflated gay marriage with bestiality. "If Adam can marry Steve, what's to stop Dave from marrying his horse? Got you there don't we! GAY MARRIAGE LEADS TO HORSE MARRIAGE!"

Etc.

So cross-species romance is pretty obviously a play on that insanity.
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 11:34 PM on July 8, 2009 [1 favorite]

I mean seriously guys. I get very fucking loud about homophobia around here, and I'm not seeing it.
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 11:38 PM on July 8, 2009 [4 favorites]

(VVNSFW unless your boss is cool with rampant simian sodomy narrated by Spaniards).

That's actually part of my job description, so I'm going to go ahead and click and I'll bill for the time.
posted by pracowity at 11:40 PM on July 8, 2009 [3 favorites]

Before this FPP gets (maybe?/should be "in my book") canned, shit-kicked, fucked or deleted, let us FAGS get serious...

Massachusetts Sues Over DOMA

Massachusetts Attorney General Martha Coakley filed a 32-page lawsuit Wednesday against the U.S. government, seeking federal marriage benefits for 16,000 legally-wed gay and lesbian couples. At issue is the constitutionality of Section 3 the Defense of Marriage Act, recently notoriously defended by the Department of Justice.

The suit states that DOMA, termed "overreaching and discriminatory," interferes with the state's "sovereign authority to define and regulate marriage."

"We view all married persons equally," Coakley said at a press conference today.

The basis for the suit is the 10th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution and Section 8 of the Constitution. Along with the United States itself, defendants include the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services and the U.S. Department of Veterans' Affairs.

Another suit by Gay & Lesbian Advocates & Defenders (GLAD) targeting DOMA is also in the works. GLAD's Janson Wu says, "We applaud the Commonwealth's decision to seek to protect its married citizens from the harms caused by federal discrimination."

posted by ericb at 11:44 PM on July 8, 2009 [6 favorites]

Wow. Massachusetts has got some big steel ones.

(Testicles or ovaries, take your pick).
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 11:50 PM on July 8, 2009 [1 favorite]

In the same vein, Martha Nussbaum has an extremely thoughtful constitutional defense of gay marriage in the latest issue of Dissent.
posted by felix betachat at 12:01 AM on July 9, 2009 [2 favorites]

You know, my cat is fairly annoying today. Is that simian for hire?
posted by maxwelton at 12:02 AM on July 9, 2009

You GO, Massachusetts!
posted by darkstar at 12:05 AM on July 9, 2009

Derail but still on topic, does anyone else remember the video evidence of homosexual necrophilia involving ducks where a male duck mounted a dead drake?

That to me was the perfect argument against this slippery-slope idea. Humans at least already have laws against this sort of thing.
posted by hypersloth at 12:09 AM on July 9, 2009

Derail but still on topic, does anyone else remember the video evidence of homosexual necrophilia involving ducks where a male duck mounted a dead drake?

Allow me to contribute to your derail :

Scientific American (June 2009): Do Gay Animals Change Evolution?

The Register (June 2009): Gay Animals Going at It Like Rabbits.

Wired.com (June 2009): Keeping an Open Mind to Animal Homosexuality.

NPR (June 2009): Same-Sex Behavior in the Animal Kingdom.

Fox News (June 2009): Same-Sex Behavior Found in Nearly All Animals.

posted by ericb at 12:26 AM on July 9, 2009 [5 favorites]

ericb: along those lines, there is a wonderful book about homosexuality and miscelanious non-reproductive sexuality in animals, which I highly recommend: Biological Exuberance.
posted by idiopath at 1:09 AM on July 9, 2009

That's exactly how several of my ex's related to their cats, except they also used baby talk.
posted by sourwookie at 2:16 AM on July 9, 2009

EVERYBODY'S GOT SOMETHING TO HIDE

EXCEPT FOR ME AND MY MONKEY

AND YOUR PUSSY

AND MAYBE A CAMERA

AND HELL LET'S THROW THE WHOLE THING ON YOUTUBE, WHO GIVES A FUCK ANYWAY
posted by koeselitz at 3:11 AM on July 9, 2009 [2 favorites]

Not sure if everyone already knows this book, but And Tango Makes Three is an absolutely beautiful story.

"The book is based on the true story of Roy and Silo, two male Chinstrap Penguins in New York's Central Park Zoo who for six years formed a couple. The book follows part of this time in the penguins' lives."
posted by gman at 4:19 AM on July 9, 2009

Is it wrong of me to have watched this hoping the cat would beat the living shit out of the monkey in the end?
posted by xingcat at 5:05 AM on July 9, 2009 [2 favorites]

Felix, that was the most disappointing juxtaposition of "sodomy" and "Spaniards" I've seen all week.
posted by kittyprecious at 5:13 AM on July 9, 2009 [2 favorites]

It looked more like the monkey was using it's mouth to cover the cats nose and mouth in order to suffocate it. I'm not sure if that is physically possible, but that's what it looks like.
posted by djduckie at 5:18 AM on July 9, 2009

there is a wonderful book about homosexuality and miscelanious non-reproductive sexuality in animals, which I highly recommend: Biological Exuberance.

Oh yes, what a fantastic book. Should be on every queer person's shelf. Part I is a great theoretical take on the "polysexual, polygendered" animal world, including a sharp, critical look at how animal homosexuality was ignored, explained away or outright buried for centuries. But Part II, "A Wondrous Bestiary" is 400 eye-opening pages of detailed reports of homosexual, bisexual and "non-reproductive and alternative heterosexual" behavior in the ethology literature of mammals and birds, broken up into 3-6 page sections for each species - marmots manatees, terns, crows, giraffes...it just goes on and on, and is such an amazing read.
posted by mediareport at 5:49 AM on July 9, 2009

It looked more like the monkey was using it's mouth to cover the cats nose and mouth in order to suffocate it. I'm not sure if that is physically possible, but that's what it looks like.

djduckie, I have kissed several people for whom that was their definition of "make out."
posted by fiercecupcake at 6:21 AM on July 9, 2009

Please remove the "gaymarriage" tag from your post.
posted by hermitosis at 6:24 AM on July 9, 2009 [1 favorite]