Comments on: Gary the Landlord

Gary the Landlord

jabberjaw — Thu, 09 Jul 2009 23:16:32 -0800

Gary, I dropped off the key with Mike earlier today. Do you have any other reasons for holding on to my security deposit? Let me know, Gabe

Subject: RE: Key Drop-Off GO FUCK YOURSELF... Gary via

By: smartyboots

smartyboots — Thu, 09 Jul 2009 23:21:17 -0800

I love it when the bad guy shoots himself in the foot like that. And the nuts. And the foot again.

By: benzenedream

benzenedream — Thu, 09 Jul 2009 23:28:42 -0800

You can almost hear the cirrhosis in Gary's voice.

By: solipsophistocracy

solipsophistocracy — Thu, 09 Jul 2009 23:39:48 -0800

Um, wow. I don't really know how to react to this. Am I supposed to be amused by Gary's wacky antics? Really, this is pretty depressing. Is the guy gonna sell enough ads to recoup the g-note that he can't possibly ever get from Gary?

By: nonspecialist

nonspecialist — Thu, 09 Jul 2009 23:41:30 -0800

It's like reading about a slow, stupid train wreck as it happens. A train pulling huge tanker trailers of ... schadenfreude sauce! Oh no! Now the sauce is pouring out of the tankers! Ah! Ah! It's sweeping all before it! Magic.

By: Kadin2048

Kadin2048 — Thu, 09 Jul 2009 23:46:30 -0800

Is the guy gonna sell enough ads to recoup the g-note that he can't possibly ever get from Gary? Well, if we work real hard, maybe we can turn "YOUR ARE EVICTED" into a new Internet meme, sort of along the lines of "all your base are belong..." and the guy could sell t-shirts. That's probably the best chance he has of recouping anything from this whole ordeal. I'm glad the guy is (apparently) taking it well, though. I've had some crazy roommates and resulting drama, but never a crazy landlord. Doesn't sound like a good time at all.

By: rkent

rkent — Thu, 09 Jul 2009 23:48:59 -0800

... Fermilab? That's some high-octane crazy.

By: Effigy2000

Effigy2000 — Thu, 09 Jul 2009 23:50:47 -0800

From the article; "On that same note: I changed the name of the highschool in the emails so that you won't try to find Gary. Everyone deserves their privacy." Yeah Gabe, I can tell by your blog which reprints private e-mails and transcribes private voicemails that you're a real stickler on the internet for privacy. Y'know, this Gary guy really does sound like a Grade-A asshole, but I think I agree with him somewhat that Gabe is a coward.

By: Effigy2000

Effigy2000 — Thu, 09 Jul 2009 23:52:58 -0800

Yeah Gabe, I can tell by your blog which reprints private e-mails and transcribes private voicemails on the internet that you're a real stickler for privacy. Dagnammit pb, where's my 3 minute editing window?

By: ActingTheGoat

ActingTheGoat — Fri, 10 Jul 2009 00:03:10 -0800

Ooh Gabe, so calm, so cool, so collected, so wry, so witty, so smug... GO FOCK YOURSELF!

By: From Bklyn

From Bklyn — Fri, 10 Jul 2009 00:17:21 -0800

I dunno, I kind of liked Gary. Seemed like a fun guy.

By: turgid dahlia

turgid dahlia — Fri, 10 Jul 2009 00:37:23 -0800

Everyone Needs a Gary! (Coming to ABC this fall)

By: Henry C. Mabuse

Henry C. Mabuse — Fri, 10 Jul 2009 00:40:42 -0800

lolcaholics

By: Avenger

Avenger — Fri, 10 Jul 2009 00:41:18 -0800

Man I'm glad that weed is illegal and alcohol isn't.

By: PostIronyIsNotaMyth

PostIronyIsNotaMyth — Fri, 10 Jul 2009 00:46:22 -0800

I don't know, if some asshole was harassing me and holding on to my money I sure as shit would do everything in my power to ruin his already ruined life. This guy brought it on himself.

By: Avenger

Avenger — Fri, 10 Jul 2009 00:47:12 -0800

Also, something tells me that Gary's little story is going to end in a headline along the lines of "Shootout with police leaves local man, 63, dead."

By: verb

verb — Fri, 10 Jul 2009 01:03:39 -0800

Yeah Gabe, I can tell by your blog which reprints private e-mails and transcribes private voicemails that you're a real stickler on the internet for privacy.

As someone who spent last month apartment/rental hunting in the St. Charles/Geneva area that the story takes place in, I will say that I am fascinated and morbidly curious about Gary's identity. But it's not as if there's anything particularly private about the letters and the stories themselves, as long as personal identifying information is stripped out. Gabe seems to have realized that a larger audience merited more scrubbing on that count, and retroactively purged information that could identify Gary. Having just spent six months in a slightly less bizarre scenario (our downstairs neighbors complained that my wife and I walk too loud, but entertained their three five year olds by screwing a basketball hoop to the wall in the room underneath my home office), I can say that the urge to document is strong.

By: GavinR

GavinR — Fri, 10 Jul 2009 01:06:20 -0800

Phhhhpppptt....anyone who thinks there is anything private about insulting and vulgar emails and voice mails from an insane drunk....well you don't have a clue about the issue. He has every right to put this stuff up. It wasn't that interesting though. I'm sure stuff like this occurs pretty often all over the place.

By: robcorr

robcorr — Fri, 10 Jul 2009 01:22:11 -0800

It wasn't that interesting though. I'm sure stuff like this occurs pretty often all over the place. Yes, of course this kind of thing happens pretty often. It's rarely so thoroughly documented, though, and that's why it's interesting.

By: Happy Dave

Happy Dave — Fri, 10 Jul 2009 01:27:20 -0800

I suspect that Gary is mentally ill.

By: Free word order!

Free word order! — Fri, 10 Jul 2009 01:49:29 -0800

My friend had a similar long standout with a crazy neighbour. Yelling through walls and on the corridor when they met, threat notes, complaints about noise when he wasn't home. Then, one summer when the friend returned from a long vacation, he learned that the guy had shot himself in the back yard of the apartment. Unsettling to learn that all along the crazy rage guy had a gun.

By: Devils Rancher

Devils Rancher — Fri, 10 Jul 2009 03:36:24 -0800

When Iwas a kid, my folks had a crazy drunkien landlady in Houston who used to come into our house when we weren't home, and leave rambling notes for us concerning cleanliness, and general instructions for use of her house. When my parents protested that she was breaking the law by entering the home without our permission, she left us a scrawled note on the door which read "Please vacate the prememsis immediately." Prememsis suck in the family lexicon.

By: maxwelton

maxwelton — Fri, 10 Jul 2009 03:38:10 -0800

Everyone Needs a Gary! (Coming to ABC this fall) Ray Romano found another gig?

By: tepidmonkey

tepidmonkey — Fri, 10 Jul 2009 04:00:09 -0800

If you look carefully, you will notice that the handwritten note from Gary to the tenant literally does the exclamation points turning into the numeral 1 thing. "GABE: I AM NOT IN JAIL!!1"

By: tepidmonkey

tepidmonkey — Fri, 10 Jul 2009 04:05:01 -0800

Wait, someone already noticed that. OK. Well. I hope everyone in this story gets the help they need.

By: xingcat

xingcat — Fri, 10 Jul 2009 04:21:11 -0800

Fock you Gabe, for giving us bipolar queers a bad name to Chicago-area landlords!

By: caddis

caddis — Fri, 10 Jul 2009 04:29:53 -0800

too funny

By: DU

DU — Fri, 10 Jul 2009 04:34:59 -0800

Y'know, this Gary guy really does sound like a Grade-A asshole, but I think I agree with him somewhat that Gabe is a coward. Wha? I'd say he's been pretty brave (perhaps stupidly brave) confronting a guy with obvious mental instabilities.

By: Pollomacho

Pollomacho — Fri, 10 Jul 2009 04:42:07 -0800

I think the MeFI mods could learn a lot from Gary: MeMail from Jess: Stop posting inane comments to AskMe now. Stronger message to follow. Stronger follow-up message: Stop posting inane commnets to AskMe, asshat.

By: Raymond Marble

Raymond Marble — Fri, 10 Jul 2009 05:10:30 -0800

Will someone let me know when this shows up on Judge Judy?

By: MuffinMan

MuffinMan — Fri, 10 Jul 2009 05:10:31 -0800

Devils Rancher: have you sold the film rights? I can just see Ray Liotta or Michael Keaton in drag as the drunken landlady. Nemesis on the Prememsis: They knew they had to vacate immediately.

By: OmieWise

OmieWise — Fri, 10 Jul 2009 05:14:55 -0800

This was oddly un-engaging for a blog about such craziness.

By: radgardener

radgardener — Fri, 10 Jul 2009 05:20:42 -0800

As another 23 year old moving out of a similar - but not quite as wacky - situation, this resonates pretty well with me. Thanks, dude.

By: Cool Papa Bell

Cool Papa Bell — Fri, 10 Jul 2009 05:24:10 -0800

Why do I get the feeling that Gabe rides a fixed-gear bike?

By: BigLankyBastard

BigLankyBastard — Fri, 10 Jul 2009 05:44:53 -0800

Metafilter: Everytime it starts to get a little creepy, someone uses the term "FOCK" and then it gets kind of cute again.

By: KevinSkomsvold

KevinSkomsvold — Fri, 10 Jul 2009 05:59:32 -0800

Gary is a typical prick name so no surprise there. Every Gary I know is a twat. Reading through these posts, one almost expects the last one to be about how Gary's bound and gagged body was found hanging from a tree just off some dirt road. Gary needs to read The Secret. Gabe, on the other hand, grow a pair dude. And God and the bible.

By: stepheno

stepheno — Fri, 10 Jul 2009 06:02:07 -0800

> Why do I get the feeling that Gabe rides a fixed-gear bike? Overthink. It's the essential lubricant of any good snark engine.

By: nosila

nosila — Fri, 10 Jul 2009 06:08:11 -0800

Why do I get the feeling that Gabe rides a fixed-gear bike? Because you find people who ride fixed-gear bikes smug and irritating? Just a guess...

By: Astro Zombie

Astro Zombie — Fri, 10 Jul 2009 06:38:45 -0800

Am I really the only one who found Gabe's low-key responses to his lunatic landlord hilarious? "Remember.... Well, you don't remember because you're fucking queer. And you're bipolar." This part hit a little home because often times my queerness and bipolar disorder to cause me to forget things.

By: theora55

theora55 — Fri, 10 Jul 2009 07:01:08 -0800

Lesson: Don't have a crack-addicted lunatic landlord. okay.

By: mrstrotsky

mrstrotsky — Fri, 10 Jul 2009 07:04:24 -0800

Those queers, so forgetful!

By: escabeche

escabeche — Fri, 10 Jul 2009 07:18:19 -0800

Did anybody but me wonder whether Gary used to be in Pavement?

By: notsnot

notsnot — Fri, 10 Jul 2009 07:35:35 -0800

Fermilab!

By: shakespeherian

shakespeherian — Fri, 10 Jul 2009 07:36:28 -0800

Hey wait my name is Gary, and this guy is a focking coward thin dick! YOUR ARE EVICTED!!1

By: Ruthless Bunny

Ruthless Bunny — Fri, 10 Jul 2009 07:36:36 -0800

I think that it says something disturbing about me that I really, really love these kinds of crazy-ass internet dust ups. There is such fun in poking the insane. All the drama and none of the personal investment.

By: rocket88

rocket88 — Fri, 10 Jul 2009 07:42:05 -0800

This is the MeFi equivalent of reality TV. And by that I mean it's a shit post.

By: Nelson

Nelson — Fri, 10 Jul 2009 07:45:42 -0800

Gary: GO FUCK YOURSELF! YOU COWARD MOTHERFUCKER! Gary: And you're never going to get it, YOU COWARD CUNT MOTHERFUCKER! Gary's dialogue gets a lot more awesome if you imagine it read by Harry Dean Stanton in Repo Man.

By: Sailormom

Sailormom — Fri, 10 Jul 2009 08:01:27 -0800

Reminds me of that Beck song Whiskey-stained buck-toothed Backwards creep Grizzly bear motherfucker Never goes to sleep It's just the shit-kicking', speed-taking' Truck-driving' neighbors downstairs Oh, yeah...yeah Belly flopping' naked In a pool of yellow sweat Screaming' jackass with a wet cigarette It's just the shit-kicking', speed-taking' Truck-driving' neighbors downstairs

By: cribcage

cribcage — Fri, 10 Jul 2009 08:34:35 -0800

I can tell by your blog which reprints private e-mails and transcribes private voicemails... Don't confuse MetaFilter's ironclad (and dumb, IMO) policies with general netiquette. Many, possibly most, people see no problem with reproducing e-mails in order to tell a story, assuming the identifying information has been stripped. There's a legitimate conversation to be had about whether what's left can even be described fairly as "private."

By: shmegegge

shmegegge — Fri, 10 Jul 2009 08:47:09 -0800

Yeah Gabe, I can tell by your blog which reprints private e-mails and transcribes private voicemails on the internet that you're a real stickler for privacy. I don't know, dude. I think you're taking metafilter policy and applying it universally. If I sent you drunken threatening voicemails and emails and notes, you'd have every right to post it wherever the hell you want. If I called you on the phone, and called you a little dicked queer, it would somehow be... wrong for you tell people about it? I don't follow.

By: shmegegge

shmegegge — Fri, 10 Jul 2009 08:47:47 -0800

fuckin' cribcage, you little dick bipolar queer from fermilab.

By: SinisterPurpose

SinisterPurpose — Fri, 10 Jul 2009 08:49:27 -0800

I have a few anecdotal observations on the behavior of alcoholics I am actively applying to the subject of this post. Repetition is always an import fixture of the alcoholics argumentative style. My Masters in Pop Psychology from Donahue University makes me believe that this is the alcoholic's attempt to reconcile childhood abuses through the repetition of a particular incident. The key difference between the present moment and the moment of the abuse is a reversed power dynamic. In the remake, Gary gets to wield the power of the hurtful words. The alcoholic, hereafter referred to as "The Gary", chooses insults not arbitrarily nor through anger. The Gary chooses insults by picking words that have wounded it's own psyche at some point in the past. Leading me to believe that this particular Gary has been diagnosed with bipolar disorder. This leads to an interesting turn in the patter of The Gary. The Gary takes the opportunity to "unnerve" his opponent by "playing psychologist". The Gary's statement about knowing Gabe also suffers from bipolar disorder is a self-effacing sword. It is still an attempt to "rewrite the moment" and reverse the perceived power paradigm. But, it is also a strange kind of reaching out. The Gary is, in a drunken and aggressive way, seeking commonality. The Gary will attempt to bond with the opponent by visiting their deepest hurts on the opponent. If The Gary breaks the opponent the same way, they can be broken together. It's simple reproduction. Booze addled mitosis. The Gary has its own logic. Alcohol is a hell of a drug and taken in extraordinarily large doses, I believe, has this way of limiting The Gary's ability to imagine possibilities beyond their experience. Whatever they have experienced is the truth. This is why objective logic only antagonizes The Gary further. In effect, using objective logic sounds as much like gibberish to The Gary as his ramblings sound to us. This blog seems to fancy itself as a light-hearted reportage and examination of an amusing subject. I see it as something wholly else.

By: six-or-six-thirty

six-or-six-thirty — Fri, 10 Jul 2009 08:54:20 -0800

Those queers, so forgetful! Well, to be fair, bipolar disorder is associated with memory troubles. The queerness, probably not so much.

By: mrgrimm

mrgrimm — Fri, 10 Jul 2009 08:55:20 -0800

Yeah Gabe, I can tell by your blog which reprints private e-mails and transcribes private voicemails on the internet that you're a real stickler for privacy. Also, dude, by including "blog" in your sentence, you already indicated an online Web site. You didn't need the "on the internet" edit.

By: six-or-six-thirty

six-or-six-thirty — Fri, 10 Jul 2009 09:07:04 -0800

A-haha. Aha. That was a joke. I get it now

By: quin

quin — Fri, 10 Jul 2009 09:19:14 -0800

There is a sort of sublime beauty here: Subect: WHERE ARE THE KEYS TO MY HOME, YOU QUEER, TINY, BIPOLAR, GABE????? Part of it is the randomness of the combination; homophobic slur? Sure, but "tiny"? That's fantastic, and "bipolar"? Let me tell you, when you want to really push someone's buttons, just assign them a previously undiagnosed medical condition and watch the sparks fly. But the very best part? When he uses the person's name as a sort of pejorative; "Steve, Why didn't you take out the trash, you gay, short, gastroesophageal reflux afflicted... Steve????" Masterful work, this.

By: Dr-Baa

Dr-Baa — Fri, 10 Jul 2009 09:27:48 -0800

You know what Gary? I like you. You're not like the other people here in suburbia. Oh no, don't get me wrong, they're fine people, good Americans. But they're content to sit back, maybe hide the stolen iPhone in the desk. Maybe ride around a bit on their fixed-gear bikes. They're good fine people, Gary. But they don't know what the bipolar queers are doing with the Fermilab. You know that Gabe Dunn kid - the kid who's car leaks oil like a sieve? He's a lying Indiana coward. Some of the neighbors say his old man went to Cathedral, but I don't believe it. Anyway, for his 23rd birthday, all he wanted was his security deposit back, just like his old man. "Mat, help me move my desk and chair. I'll never ask for anything else as long as I live." So the guy breaks down and helps him move his desk and chair. Anyway at 1:00 the other night I go out into my yard and there's the Dunn kid talking to the cops. I said, "GABE, IF YOU DON'T SLAM THAT DOOR AND LOCK IT, YOU WON'T HAVE A PLACE TO SLEEP TOMORROW." He said, "That's insane. It is ridiculous for you to ask me to do that. I'll have a place to sleep, it just won't be here." I say, "FOCK YOU!!!1" Now Gary, do you think a kid like that is gonna know what the bipolar queers are doing to with the Fermilab?

By: Dr-Baa

Dr-Baa — Fri, 10 Jul 2009 09:30:16 -0800

who's whose hoose.

By: mek

mek — Fri, 10 Jul 2009 09:35:48 -0800

For those of you who truly want to get no work done today, I present: the Crazy Neighbour. (probably NSFW at some point)

By: steambadger

steambadger — Fri, 10 Jul 2009 09:39:51 -0800

Yeah Gabe, I can tell by your blog which reprints private e-mails and transcribes private voicemails on the internet that you're a real stickler for privacy. Not sure why Gary should have any expectation of privacy, here. Am I missing something?

By: liza

liza — Fri, 10 Jul 2009 09:42:54 -0800

Gary needs the trucker hat, Keds and t-shirt to go with that foCK.

By: peep

peep — Fri, 10 Jul 2009 09:52:09 -0800

Am I really the only one who found Gabe's low-key responses to his lunatic landlord hilarious? I also liked Having lived in the house for just about 2 weeks, I didn't feel that me and Gary were at that "posting bail" level of our relationship. and What can I say? As much as I would like to slight you for it, your grammar is impeccable in response to THERE A GREAT DEAL YOU DON'T KNOW ABOUT ME, BOY

By: naju

naju — Fri, 10 Jul 2009 10:20:33 -0800

THERE A GREAT DEAL YOU DON'T KNOW ABOUT ME, BOY See, if this were a movie, this would be around the time when the reveal kicks in - under the gruff, insane exterior, Gary is actually quite an intelligent, sensitive, bruised man with a fascinating and troubling past. A past which Gabe and his father are inextricably bound up in. The unlikely friendship which emerges between Gabe and Gary is unlike anything you've seen before. The final scene, staged at Fermilab's underground particle accelerator? I won't spoil it for you, but a certain "asshole" landlord you've grown to love dies a shocking, tragic death. Bring your tissues. Landlord of the Flies, the indie-quirk sensation of 2009.

By: pointilist

pointilist — Fri, 10 Jul 2009 10:28:39 -0800

I think Gabe is doing a good jof of riding along with this. I am sure losing the money is not a small thing but he seems to be taking the approach I attempt every Thanksgiving- Dinner Theatre!

By: localhuman

localhuman — Fri, 10 Jul 2009 10:38:41 -0800

Metafilter: I know you're bi-polar

By: Squid Voltaire

Squid Voltaire — Fri, 10 Jul 2009 10:52:58 -0800

Personally, I just assumed that Gary confused "bisexual" and "bipolar"... I mean, insulting someone by calling them bi is odd enough, but bipolar?

By: queensissy

queensissy — Fri, 10 Jul 2009 10:54:42 -0800

THERE A GREAT DEAL YOU DON'T KNOW ABOUT ME, BOY THERE A GREAT DEAL YOU DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOUR FATHER, BOY Did anybody else think Gary was trying to intimate that he was Gabe's father?

By: MeatLightning

MeatLightning — Fri, 10 Jul 2009 10:56:21 -0800

YES! Dead Milkmen reference! What do I win?

By: Astro Zombie

Astro Zombie — Fri, 10 Jul 2009 11:09:11 -0800

All things being equal, however, this is no Shut Up, Little Man. That's epic.

By: Dr-Baa

Dr-Baa — Fri, 10 Jul 2009 11:29:04 -0800

Ahhh Astro Zombie, thank you for reminding me of that. I had come across that site years ago and could never remember the name of it!

By: hwestiii

hwestiii — Fri, 10 Jul 2009 11:39:53 -0800

I've spent most of my life vicinity in which the event described in this post occurred, so I took a certain amount of pride while reading, knowing that not all batshit insanity in this country comes from one of the coasts or Texas.

By: not_on_display

not_on_display — Fri, 10 Jul 2009 13:21:02 -0800

GO FUCK YOURSELF MR. LEAHY!

By: Evilspork

Evilspork — Fri, 10 Jul 2009 15:21:42 -0800

Was I the only one that imagined Gary as Gary Busey?

By: spatula

spatula — Fri, 10 Jul 2009 16:42:44 -0800

I dunno, I think landlords is a pretty cool guy, spouts homophobic vitriol and doesn't afraid of anything.

By: You Can't Tip a Buick

You Can't Tip a Buick — Sat, 11 Jul 2009 11:34:34 -0800

I know Gabe's a fixie-riding smugmobile and all, but, wow, that Gary guy is kinda... terrifying. If I were Gabe, I'd be a little bit afraid that Gary's blase attitude toward the small courts claim is indicative of Gary's intent to physically assault him.

By: StickyCarpet

StickyCarpet — Sat, 11 Jul 2009 12:57:36 -0800

if some asshole was harassing me and holding on to my money I sure as shit would do everything in my power to ruin his already ruined life. This guy brought it on himself. In New York, Gary would have "30 to 60 days" to return the deposit. It takes some time to assess the condition of the space, and you may need to wait for bills to arrive, etc., in case the tenant racked up some crazy expenses that the landlord is responsible for.

By: saysthis

saysthis — Sat, 11 Jul 2009 21:20:56 -0800

Exactly not_on_display, I thought of Mr. Leahy. Gabe would be...well, Randy, kind of.

By: caddis

caddis — Sat, 11 Jul 2009 21:46:17 -0800

In New York, Gary would have "30 to 60 days" to return the deposit. Pretty much in any jurisdiction that is the rule. However, if you were not reading closely, Gary is likely judgment proof. You can sue him and all you will win is a moral victory. Likely.

By: mnb64

mnb64 — Sun, 12 Jul 2009 06:49:09 -0800

Enjoying a bit of schadenfreude here, but this is completely hilarious. Love Gabe's dry responses. Ah, human nature - pass the popcorn!