Comments on: Look Who's Humping

Look Who's Humping

Christ, what an asshole — Sun, 12 Jul 2009 11:29:29 -0800

Worst Parents Ever

By: oddman

oddman — Sun, 12 Jul 2009 11:33:17 -0800

meh

By: localhuman

localhuman — Sun, 12 Jul 2009 11:34:46 -0800

the ending there. it kind of turns..

By: Alvy Ampersand

Alvy Ampersand — Sun, 12 Jul 2009 11:35:36 -0800

Free cat and monkey!

By: Tbola

Tbola — Sun, 12 Jul 2009 11:37:16 -0800

all told, not bad. "It taught us all an important lesson about holes"

By: bigmusic

bigmusic — Sun, 12 Jul 2009 11:37:54 -0800

Well if you had a kid that could do that...

By: djeo

djeo — Sun, 12 Jul 2009 11:41:26 -0800

Uh...

By: gman

gman — Sun, 12 Jul 2009 11:43:17 -0800

Not realistic. Nobody treats their child as well as they do their dog.

By: nooneyouknow

nooneyouknow — Sun, 12 Jul 2009 11:43:41 -0800

That did not end how I expected.

By: spiderskull

spiderskull — Sun, 12 Jul 2009 11:47:32 -0800

That was about a minute longer than it needed to be. Why I kept watching is beyond me...

By: spiderskull

spiderskull — Sun, 12 Jul 2009 11:47:53 -0800

(Although it had its moments)

By: Malor

Malor — Sun, 12 Jul 2009 11:48:57 -0800

Yuck.

By: Saxon Kane

Saxon Kane — Sun, 12 Jul 2009 11:52:40 -0800

Mildly amusing, if predictable, until the end when it became unnecessarily disturbing.

By: drjimmy11

drjimmy11 — Sun, 12 Jul 2009 11:54:20 -0800

Pretty well done; I was pleasantly surprised. What sets this apart from 99% of short/sketch comedy out there, including everything on SNL, is that it actually had an ending. Rather than thinking of a premise and beating on it unmercifully until it crawls off to die, they actually went somewhere with it.

By: djduckie

djduckie — Sun, 12 Jul 2009 11:56:38 -0800

ha ha the ending was like i was watching something else entirely.

By: empath

empath — Sun, 12 Jul 2009 11:57:11 -0800

they didn't pull any punches, I'll give them that much.

By: empath

empath — Sun, 12 Jul 2009 11:58:07 -0800

More great parenting.

By: Pendragon

Pendragon — Sun, 12 Jul 2009 11:58:30 -0800

The ending makes it good.

By: From Bklyn

From Bklyn — Sun, 12 Jul 2009 11:58:46 -0800

Made by people without children.

By: krautland

krautland — Sun, 12 Jul 2009 12:00:51 -0800

FPPs that force us to invest 2:43 plus loading time before we get to find out whether this would be of interest are the work of lazy mefites. not much filtering there, people.

By: Blasdelb

Blasdelb — Sun, 12 Jul 2009 12:01:50 -0800

This is the best of the web? Maybe I should go read a book...

By: solipsophistocracy

solipsophistocracy — Sun, 12 Jul 2009 12:05:16 -0800

I approve of that message.

By: HumuloneRanger

HumuloneRanger — Sun, 12 Jul 2009 12:10:00 -0800

It needs more Keyboard Cat.

By: Askiba

Askiba — Sun, 12 Jul 2009 12:14:33 -0800

Christ, what an asshole, Christ, what an asshole.

By: xthlc

xthlc — Sun, 12 Jul 2009 12:15:39 -0800

started off hilarious, then promptly became HA HA CHILD ABUSE. No.

By: naju

naju — Sun, 12 Jul 2009 12:16:34 -0800

I'll admit it had me fooled for a while, but the ending was so obviously fake. C'mon people, some effort pls.

By: mostlymartha

mostlymartha — Sun, 12 Jul 2009 12:18:14 -0800

I hate it when something is trying to be offensive and funny and ends up neither amusing me nor letting me get my panties in a thoroughly satisfying horrified and disgusted twist.

By: fleetmouse

fleetmouse — Sun, 12 Jul 2009 12:21:22 -0800

I feel unclean and deflated, like I just watched a Wayans vehicle. Amazing that they managed to pack that into two minutes.

By: Glee

Glee — Sun, 12 Jul 2009 12:25:17 -0800

Snark snark un-PC joke about infants snarky is-this-advertising? rhetorical, snark snark best-of-the-web?! swipe going out the door in a huff ...in search of more sketches from the troupe; or not.

By: Librarygeek

Librarygeek — Sun, 12 Jul 2009 12:25:33 -0800

**Eponysterical Christ, what an asshole

By: Brandon Blatcher

Brandon Blatcher — Sun, 12 Jul 2009 12:29:20 -0800

This could have been funny.

By: jbickers

jbickers — Sun, 12 Jul 2009 12:29:43 -0800

Well, get ready for more of this self-indulgent, over-the-top "irritainment" bullshit in the coming weeks. We have Sasha Baron Cohen to thank.

By: idiopath

idiopath — Sun, 12 Jul 2009 12:32:29 -0800

"you wanna play catch with somebody? why don't you play catch with me, tough guy!" is like a line from a Peewee Herman movie.

By: Christ, what an asshole

Christ, what an asshole — Sun, 12 Jul 2009 12:44:16 -0800

FPPs that force us to invest 2:43 plus loading time before we get to find out whether this would be of interest are the work of lazy mefites. not much filtering there, people. Gerald: Hey guys, I've got this great joke. ..so a grasshopper walks into a bar-- Howard: Wait, hold up! Gerald: Uhh, what's wrong? Howard: What's the punchline? Gerald: ...what do you mean? Howard: The punchline -- give it to me. Gerald: I'm...getting there. Let me finish the joke. Howard: I must deduce if this joke will be worth my time. Tell me the ending! Gerald: Uhh, alright man. *whispers into Howard's ear* (The grasshopper is named Steve.) Howard: Sounds promising. Proceed. Gerald: Ok...so a grasshopper walks into a bar, saddles up by the bartender, and orders a tall drink. The bartender looks the grasshopper up and down and says, "Say, you know there's a drink named after you?" The grasshopper looks up and asks, "What? There's a drink named Steve?" Howard: ...well that was stupid.

By: Blazecock Pileon

Blazecock Pileon — Sun, 12 Jul 2009 12:46:46 -0800

irritainment Is that from the same company that manufactured words like "staycation" and "wikipedia"? I love their stuff!

By: Hoopo

Hoopo — Sun, 12 Jul 2009 12:46:52 -0800

Hey! Keep Pee-Wee out of this. Pee-Wee Herman movies are awesome.

By: Ambrosia Voyeur

Ambrosia Voyeur — Sun, 12 Jul 2009 12:57:52 -0800

The first gag was the funniest.

By: jabberjaw

jabberjaw — Sun, 12 Jul 2009 12:59:26 -0800

Initially thought-provoking, then quickly turned to dumb satire, then to mean-spirited absurdist slapstick. Like a skit from MadTV, except I actually watched it.

By: Bokononist

Bokononist — Sun, 12 Jul 2009 13:13:14 -0800

I want my 2:43 back please. This is remarkably not any good.

By: crayz

crayz — Sun, 12 Jul 2009 13:15:48 -0800

MetaFilter: Like a skit from MadTV, except I actually watched it

By: ericb

ericb — Sun, 12 Jul 2009 13:20:44 -0800

I think they used a doll in that film.

By: Auden

Auden — Sun, 12 Jul 2009 13:40:06 -0800

I don't know, from the basic premise to the SHOCK ENDING, I don't know what could fix this (other than not having made it). It seems wrong from the get-go.

By: Avenger

Avenger — Sun, 12 Jul 2009 13:46:21 -0800

That video is the opposite of funny.

By: Flunkie

Flunkie — Sun, 12 Jul 2009 13:48:45 -0800

You people are being too hard on it. I mean, come on, it would have been funny if it were funny.

By: Blazecock Pileon

Blazecock Pileon — Sun, 12 Jul 2009 13:49:25 -0800

I want your money back.

By: digsrus

digsrus — Sun, 12 Jul 2009 13:50:47 -0800

I watched about ten seconds worth and then said "Wait a minute here." So I went back and checked the comments and saw that they were pretty evenly divided. So I didn't go back. Now I'm going to go do something awesome with the 2:33 I saved.

By: 2sheets

2sheets — Sun, 12 Jul 2009 14:01:59 -0800

Not offended, mildly amused, mostly bored.

By: jb

jb — Sun, 12 Jul 2009 14:17:25 -0800

I laughed. It was funny. (see the joke is that babies aren't like dogs. It's not about abuse, it's laughing at the comparison between babies and pets.)

By: adipocere

adipocere — Sun, 12 Jul 2009 14:19:13 -0800

This is weirdly appropriate. How many times have you heard people do the "pets are training for kids" thing? And it's off by about thirty degrees. It's not that learning the demands of pets provide some magical insight into infants, toddlers, children, and teens. Nope. It's that if you can't take care of a dog, you really could stand to think twice about having a kid. It's a test, not training. People actually do things like have kids drink out of bowls on the floor. People have weird, pointless standoffs with the police that end in tragedy. That's what makes this clip just a little uncomfortable underneath the easy yuks.

By: caddis

caddis — Sun, 12 Jul 2009 14:21:27 -0800

OK, my initial reaction was meh, but then I got bored and bailed out half way through. After everyone commented about the ending I went back for more. Everyone one of you f*ckers who commented about that ending should be sentenced to a month of continuous dead baby jokes. The ending is surprising, yet worse than the rest of the video. Spoilers (enlarge your fonts):The parents throw the baby at the cops and it attacks, like a dog, and gets tazed of course, then one or more parents commits suicide. meh.

By: gorgor_balabala

gorgor_balabala — Sun, 12 Jul 2009 14:22:54 -0800

god, it's happening...I'm becoming generous to entertainers....Funny! Very funny!!!

By: koeselitz

koeselitz — Sun, 12 Jul 2009 14:24:36 -0800

See, and here I thought Stephen Malkmus would make a great dad.

By: Windopaene

Windopaene — Sun, 12 Jul 2009 14:26:13 -0800

The baby licking the kennel cage door was a pretty funny visual though...

By: !Jim

!Jim — Sun, 12 Jul 2009 14:37:38 -0800

Ha ha, babies are funny.

By: chambers

chambers — Sun, 12 Jul 2009 14:39:02 -0800

"He probably smells your baby!"

By: rokusan

rokusan — Sun, 12 Jul 2009 14:51:28 -0800

Well, I would never have called a dog-carrier (dog crate?) a 'kennel'. Which proves that even from the dumbest video, I can pick up some new odd-sounding regional language. Nifty.

By: Halloween Jack

Halloween Jack — Sun, 12 Jul 2009 14:51:43 -0800

What sets this apart from 99% of short/sketch comedy out there, including everything on SNL, is that it actually had an ending. Rather than thinking of a premise and beating on it unmercifully until it crawls off to die, they actually went somewhere with it. Well, no, they didn't. I mean, what's the premise? That if they're psycho enough to treat their kid like a dog, they're psycho enough to... no, sorry. The original SNL cast (or, more accurately, the writers for that cast) did something they called "dropping the cow" a few times, where when they'd written a sketch they couldn't think of any sort of an ending for, they literally dropped a life-size cow onto the stage (a tribute to the catapulted cow from Monty Python and the Holy Grail) as a way of ending. They completely dropped the cow here.

By: rokusan

rokusan — Sun, 12 Jul 2009 15:12:42 -0800

That wasn't an ending. That was a cop-out because they couldn't think of a funny ending.

By: JT

JT — Sun, 12 Jul 2009 15:15:33 -0800

The baby face-plant at about :58 made me laugh.

By: tastydonuts

tastydonuts — Sun, 12 Jul 2009 15:15:55 -0800

Holy shit that was boring.

By: Nelson

Nelson — Sun, 12 Jul 2009 15:16:42 -0800

The part where they hit the baby on the couch and knocked the baby brutally to the ground. Ha ha, that was hilarious. (Er, creepy).

By: Geckwoistmeinauto

Geckwoistmeinauto — Sun, 12 Jul 2009 15:18:09 -0800

This would have been much funnier if it had visibly involved hipsters. I didn't see any hipsters, and I only praise things that have hipsters in them.

By: chill

chill — Sun, 12 Jul 2009 15:22:34 -0800

This was funny - I am right about this and everyone above is wrong. Fact. Or perhaps humour is kind of a subjective thing. One of the two.

By: otherthings_

otherthings_ — Sun, 12 Jul 2009 15:28:39 -0800

Wow, that was kinda awful. I think it became awful for me when the woman who was going to babysit for two weeks started shouting "I am not comfortable with this!" I mean, that's what the audience is supposed to be feeling right at that moment, so it kinda spoils things to have a character on-screen yelling the same thing. It was way too on-the-nose. Somehow this made it the opposite of comedy.

By: king walnut

king walnut — Sun, 12 Jul 2009 15:28:41 -0800

That baby looked perfectly happy to me.

By: otherthings_

otherthings_ — Sun, 12 Jul 2009 15:31:48 -0800

rokusan: That was a cop-out because they couldn't think of a funny ending. I see what you did there.

By: zardoz

zardoz — Sun, 12 Jul 2009 15:33:52 -0800

No, these are the worst parents in the world.

By: blucevalo

blucevalo — Sun, 12 Jul 2009 15:37:53 -0800

It would've been better with Samantha Bee in the mom role. But not Amy Poehler or Maya Rudolph.

By: pianomover

pianomover — Sun, 12 Jul 2009 15:39:45 -0800

Where was the alcoholism, verbal abuse, screaming fights at 3am? No hate, racism, filth? You call that the worst parents ever?

By: nola

nola — Sun, 12 Jul 2009 15:46:55 -0800

I think it captured a day in the life of being a parent really well.

By: ethnomethodologist

ethnomethodologist — Sun, 12 Jul 2009 16:00:07 -0800

Christ, what a bunch of assholes.

By: ColdChef

ColdChef — Sun, 12 Jul 2009 16:04:55 -0800

My wife sometimes accuses me of being the worst dad ever.

By: EatTheWeak

EatTheWeak — Sun, 12 Jul 2009 16:22:15 -0800

I didn't quite lol, but I still appreciate anything that shits on Orange County.

By: dhartung

dhartung — Sun, 12 Jul 2009 16:27:13 -0800

Breeders! Sheesh.

By: jabberjaw

jabberjaw — Sun, 12 Jul 2009 16:31:31 -0800

Coldchef, this post was worth your comment.

By: zarq

zarq — Sun, 12 Jul 2009 17:30:10 -0800

Made by people without children. For people without children. Can I have my 3 minutes back please?

By: Xoebe

Xoebe — Sun, 12 Jul 2009 17:55:23 -0800

In comedy, frequently, less is more.

By: caddis

caddis — Sun, 12 Jul 2009 18:12:39 -0800

For people without children. Can I have my 3 minutes back please? No, because people without children don't have the proper experience to fathom life. Spend your three minutes on that. ;)

By: johngoren

johngoren — Sun, 12 Jul 2009 18:17:56 -0800

Where is the joke? Why does it turn into an art film at the end?

By: Scattercat

Scattercat — Sun, 12 Jul 2009 18:49:43 -0800

I mean, it was funny as a three-line throwaway joke in an Erma Bombeck book, but that took me all of two seconds to read and smile at. It would have been funny as a one-panel cartoon. Maybe even mildly funny as a three-panel strip. I think a six-panel Sunday strip would have been too long, though. Nearly three minutes... yeah.

By: Deathalicious

Deathalicious — Sun, 12 Jul 2009 18:53:54 -0800

Like a skit from MadTV, except I actually watched it. This skit from MadTV is actually worth it. It's the only one funny enough to ever watch more than once.

By: Maias

Maias — Sun, 12 Jul 2009 18:55:04 -0800

This is the best of the web? Maybe I should go read a book... Ok, can't resist. May I suggest my book, The Boy Who Was Raised as a Dog? And yes, it's nonfiction.

By: zarq

zarq — Sun, 12 Jul 2009 18:56:05 -0800

No, because people without children don't have the proper experience to fathom life. Spend your three minutes on that. ;) Some of the folks commenting in this thread certainly don't seem to. My personal suspicion is that parents are unlikely to be receptive to portrayals of infant abuse. At least, I'd like to believe that's so.

By: Peach

Peach — Sun, 12 Jul 2009 18:57:37 -0800

see the joke is that babies aren't like dogs

Yeah, they're more like cats. We replaced our daughter with a cat when she went to college, and it was just about the same.

By: Deathalicious

Deathalicious — Sun, 12 Jul 2009 18:57:53 -0800

Sorry, guess I need to preview the movie next time, I had no idea they kept milking this Steven Seagal bit.

By: Astro Zombie

Astro Zombie — Sun, 12 Jul 2009 20:01:53 -0800

I saw David Carradine and now I am sad.

By: mccarty.tim

mccarty.tim — Sun, 12 Jul 2009 20:07:34 -0800

Why did Best Buy employees want the child?

By: benzo8

benzo8 — Sun, 12 Jul 2009 21:14:42 -0800

Having kids turns normal people into humourless idiots. This thread is proof.

By: obiwanwasabi

obiwanwasabi — Sun, 12 Jul 2009 21:25:07 -0800

I have kids, and my wife and I thought it was fucking hilarious.

By: paulsc

paulsc — Sun, 12 Jul 2009 21:53:23 -0800

I thought we were finally doing a Jon and Kate +8 thread. But nooooooo....

By: Talez

Talez — Sun, 12 Jul 2009 21:53:47 -0800

Is there anyway to filter out crap SLYT posts? Maybe have a button where if enough people flag the post it'll send them to a different subfilter like slyt.metafilter.com? Anecdotally, less than 2% of the "HAY GUYZ CHECK OUT THIS FUNNY VID LOL" are actually funny.

By: BrotherCaine

BrotherCaine — Mon, 13 Jul 2009 00:07:48 -0800

I don't know if this guy qualifies as worst Dad ever, but he should win some kind of bad parenting award.

By: ryanrs

ryanrs — Mon, 13 Jul 2009 00:25:11 -0800

Ok...so a grasshopper walks into a bar, saddles up by the bartender, and orders a tall drink. I think you mean sidles, not saddles. (Yeah, I'm correcting someone's grammar 12 hours after the fact. A bit obsessive, I know. Shame on the rest of you for not catching it sooner.)

By: grubi

grubi — Mon, 13 Jul 2009 05:42:47 -0800

It was funny.

By: Mastercheddaar

Mastercheddaar — Mon, 13 Jul 2009 05:55:42 -0800

What a great way to start off a very long and dull week.

By: hissing sissing

hissing sissing — Mon, 13 Jul 2009 06:56:22 -0800

I love Summer of Tears. TEEN WOLF is pretty much the BEST video on the internet.

By: LittleMissCranky

LittleMissCranky — Mon, 13 Jul 2009 07:21:05 -0800

Having kids turns normal people into humourless idiots. This thread is proof. Yay LOLBreeders! That never gets old! Here are much funnier child abuse videos. Be patient through the intro.

By: benzo8

benzo8 — Mon, 13 Jul 2009 07:57:28 -0800

LittleMissCranky: "Yay LOLBreeders! That never gets old!" Giving something a cutesy tag and claiming it's commonly said doesn't affect its veracity. (While there are always exceptions) in my experience, becoming parents focuses people incredibly tightly on a world that contains only themselves and their offspring. They become incredibly selfish (within the constraints of that nuclear group) and completely humourless towards those outside of the group. Logic goes out of the window in deference to "protect at all costs" and any little thing that may be inferred as a threat is treated as such. Worse, parents find it impossible to understand why other people don't feel the same way about their children even though they would never countenance allowing someone enough access to have the opportunity to do so. Parents believe the world owes them something because they are procreating and yet, in my lifetime, the population of the world has more than doubled. We don't need your kids, they're not special to me, and if I want to imagine blending one into a smoothie then that's my prerogative...

By: Zambrano

Zambrano — Mon, 13 Jul 2009 09:03:52 -0800

By: Pantengliopoli

Pantengliopoli — Mon, 13 Jul 2009 09:15:23 -0800

Is there anyway to filter out crap SLYT posts? posted by Talez at 9:53 PM on July 12 [+] [!]

By: kozad

kozad — Mon, 13 Jul 2009 09:30:00 -0800

First of all, regarding this thread derail I see all the time from non-parents about how obsessed we are with our children and how we think we are so superior because we are devoting our lives to raising our little bundle of sunshine instead of wanking off or whatever it is you non-parents do... 1) Yes, we are obsessed with our little mini-humans. That is our job as parents. 2) We really do not care at all about what non-parents think of us. We like non-parents just as much as we do parents. Why would we want everyone else to be a parent? Could there be a little projection going on here? (Almost half the time it was an accident, anyway!) Secondly, regarding the alleged humor of this piece - and, boy, do the reactions here prove the subjectivity of humor. I'd like to see a Venn diagram of those who think the kitten on the keyboard videos are funny and those who think this one is funny. I bet there is not a lot of overlap.

By: shmegegge

shmegegge — Mon, 13 Jul 2009 09:32:13 -0800

Some people clearly don't understand how precious babies are. They are God's most precious gift, and you don't joke about gifts from God. Even if you don't believe in God, you don't joke about babies. Some people can't have children. You wouldn't think watching other people mistreat a baby was so funny if you couldn't have one of your own, I bet. Also, many many babies in this world are actually mistreated and abused by their parents, so it's not funny to show parents abusing a child, even in a patently absurd situation. If you had been an abused child, you'd know that being fed dog food isn't funny, it's horrible. I think that some people clearly need to spend some time at a children's shelter or hospital in order to get a real idea of what it's like for babies, so that they don't make terrible jokes like this that aren't funny and offend decent people and are stupid anyway so that's why nobody thinks they're funny. babies aren't something you joke about. ever.

By: naju

naju — Mon, 13 Jul 2009 09:39:50 -0800

What's funnier than a dead baby? A dead baby in a clown costume!

By: empath

empath — Mon, 13 Jul 2009 09:43:09 -0800

Secondly, regarding the alleged humor of this piece I did not find it ha-ha funny, but I did appreciate the boundary pushing. Sometimes comedy should push at the boundaries of what's acceptable.

By: benzo8

benzo8 — Mon, 13 Jul 2009 09:46:24 -0800

/me looks at shmegegge for a moment, concerned. Just a moment. It passes. A broad smile crosses my face, and breaks into laughter. Nice one... Nice one indeed. kozad: "2) We really do not care at all about what non-parents think of us. We like non-parents just as much as we do parents. Why would we want everyone else to be a parent? Could there be a little projection going on here? (Almost half the time it was an accident, anyway!)" Projection? Lost me there I'm afraid... Why would you want everyone else to be a parent? So you're not suffering alone, plainly. Every parent tells you how it'll be different when it's you own child, as if making an 18-year-old commitment is the way to find out for yourself. It's bullshit - you all fucking hate your kids, your lives and your (lack of futures) and (particularly that half for whom it was an accident), you want everyone else to suffer the way you're suffering - it eases your pain somewhat, if only by reducing the incidence of you seeing happy, non-child-lumbered people. Get over it. Put the kid in a blender and go to a club. You know it makes sense.

By: kozad

kozad — Mon, 13 Jul 2009 09:49:21 -0800

Oh, and for the record, put me down as a non-abusive parent who thought this was funny. (I also like cats and I play the piano, but cats playing the piano are only funny when it happens in real life, in my opinion. On YouTube: annoying.)

By: kozad

kozad — Mon, 13 Jul 2009 10:31:36 -0800

benzo8...I, for one, have never once told a non-parent how it will all be different when they have a child. I assume it's pretty fucking obvious. Also, my first 17 years of child-rearing has been a hell of a lot of fun, and it hasn't stopped me from having a future (or a present, or a past, although I'm sure you've done a lot more club-hopping than I have.) I can't claim to have enjoyed every moment of parenting (Daddy needs to go lie down for fifteen minutes now), but I do love my child unreservedly. I really doubt many parents hate their kids. And if you want to live a child-free life, really, go ahead, it doesn't make any difference to me. I don't care if you have a dog or believe in Jesus, either. None of those decisions affect my life.

By: papercake

papercake — Mon, 13 Jul 2009 10:32:24 -0800

Having kids turns normal people into humourless idiots. This thread is proof. It's true. Some people, when confronted with kids and parents, turn into complete jerks who can do nothing but bitch about people who have kids, and go on ad nauseum how superior they are for not procreating. I didn't particularly find the skit funny, but I figured that was just because it was so insanely slow and obvious until the end when it became violent and stupid.

By: quin

quin — Mon, 13 Jul 2009 10:33:34 -0800

As someone who has surrounded themselves with pets and guns, but refuses to have kids, I don't understand what is wrong here. The kid in the carrier should have had water, I suppose. Is that what made them bad parents?

By: mrgrimm

mrgrimm — Mon, 13 Jul 2009 10:43:26 -0800

I didn't watch the video, so I guess I win. (I don't laugh at keyboard cat, but I can semi appreciate it.) ... But then I read the comments. Oops. Why would you want everyone else to be a parent? So you're not suffering alone, plainly. Every parent tells you how it'll be different when it's you own child, as if making an 18-year-old commitment is the way to find out for yourself. It's bullshit - you all fucking hate your kids, your lives and your (lack of futures) and (particularly that half for whom it was an accident), you want everyone else to suffer the way you're suffering - it eases your pain somewhat... I think you've got it wrong. Yes, I'm sure there are a lot of regretful parents, accidents or not, and that's a horrible life for a kid, but that's life, and a lot of kids have survived it and thrived as adults. However, there are tons of wonderful parents out there who love their children like themselves, and most importantly, made an educated decision to raise a child or multiple children. It's not an 18-year commitment, it's a lifetime commitment. And one that many of us made after very careful consideration. There's no doubt (to me) that it's one of the toughest jobs in the world (mostly for the emotions involved), but it's worth it (again, to me) to see the first smile on your child's face, or his first laugh, or her first steps. On and on it goes... That may be why some parents encourage non-parents to raise a child. How terrible! I realize that non-parents are fairly sensitive about the subject, and I almost never bring it up with those friends who have opted out.

By: Go Banana

Go Banana — Mon, 13 Jul 2009 11:02:29 -0800

in my experience, becoming parents focuses people incredibly tightly on a world that contains only themselves and their offspring. They become incredibly selfish (within the constraints of that nuclear group) and completely humourless towards those outside of the group. Logic goes out of the window in deference to "protect at all costs" and any little thing that may be inferred as a threat is treated as such. Hm. A little harsh, but I kind of see your point. I don't think it's entirely accurate however. In my own experience, parents who get this way were trending towards it long before the kid arrived, and the offspring just gives them the excuse to fully indulge in this kind of behaviour. I think becoming a parent just intensifies who you really were all along. I also find that other people tend to treat us breeders differently post-baby based on their own assumptions. For instance, if I want a night out on the town, I usually have to call my friends and suggest it myself. To get back to the post, I thought the clip was mildly entertaining, but I think they could have done way more with the concept. Promising start, disappointing finish.

By: shmegegge

shmegegge — Mon, 13 Jul 2009 11:20:42 -0800

I also find that other people tend to treat us breeders differently post-baby based on their own assumptions. For instance, if I want a night out on the town, I usually have to call my friends and suggest it myself. as a non-baby-having friend of a baby-having couple, yes this is true. marriage also results in this. frankly, having a steady girlfriend also tends to result in this, as I now have to call other people up to let them know my girlfriend and I are going out if they care to join. it just makes sense. it's not a form of prejudice or anything, it's just common sense. and as with all other forms of common sense, it has its moments where it isn't really all that accurate. but still, i'm not going to call up my newly be-childed friend every friday through wednesday and be like "hey, you coming out or are you lame again?" it gets tiresome for both of us.

By: EatTheWeak

EatTheWeak — Mon, 13 Jul 2009 11:32:06 -0800

Whatever your stance is on child-rearing, child-having and the humor level of child abuse sketches is, can we please, Please, PLEASE agree once and for all to retire the term "breeder?"

By: CaseyB

CaseyB — Mon, 13 Jul 2009 11:32:12 -0800

By: Nabubrush

Nabubrush — Mon, 13 Jul 2009 11:59:06 -0800

Is that from the same company that manufactured words like "staycation" and "wikipedia"? I love their stuff! There newest product is "webinar" - but clearly they didn't spend much on R&D for it.

By: Nabubrush

Nabubrush — Mon, 13 Jul 2009 11:59:42 -0800

Dammit.

By: Ambrosia Voyeur

Ambrosia Voyeur — Mon, 13 Jul 2009 12:02:03 -0800

can we please, Please, PLEASE agree once and for all to retire the term "breeder?" Why? What's the alternative? "Parent" is not unique to those who biologically reproduce, in common cultural parlance. If you choose to breed, you bred and are a breeder. Own it. It can be used derisively, as can anything.

By: Go Banana

Go Banana — Mon, 13 Jul 2009 12:26:10 -0800

i'm not going to call up my newly be-childed friend every friday through wednesday and be like "hey, you coming out or are you lame again?" it gets tiresome for both of us. Sorry--I should have clarified that all my friends (like me) are older and lamer and sadly no longer have the stamina (or metabolic liver function) for this. I meant that they often don't call when they go out once every couple of weeks or so. Dang, do I ever miss those days though....

By: thinkpiece

thinkpiece — Mon, 13 Jul 2009 13:01:57 -0800

By: ooga_booga

ooga_booga — Mon, 13 Jul 2009 13:04:24 -0800

Those who would react to the term "breeder" are "breeder reactors". One measure of a reactor's performance is the "breeding ratio" (the average number of babies created per breeder). Historically, attention has focused upon reactors with low breeding ratios (at or slightly above a breakeven value of 1.0), so that they produce only slightly more babies than they consume. It is therefore possible to infer that breeder reactors who react negatively to the term "breeder" must either be consuming or producing an odd number of negative babies. So, to those negative breeder reactors out there, stop eating odd babies.

By: benzo8

benzo8 — Mon, 13 Jul 2009 13:49:11 -0800

CaseyB: "I'm sorry that your friends can't come out and play with you as often as they used to. Perhaps you should try to make some new friends?" Nice try, but nope - missed that mark with that one... I have a foolproof system for replacing each pair of friends who fall foul of childbirth with new, clean friends within the hour. No mess, no fuss, no kids... Still, if I had a euro for every time my girlfriend (of ten years) and I have been called selfish because we choose not to have kids, I'd... well, I'd probably have a fiver by now (as long as you didn't count my mother, who'd have bankrupted herself twice over already). I admitted when I opened my comment that I was aware it was a generalisation, and that there were exceptions. And I can only talk from my experience. But that experience is, as I approach 40, people's inability to deal with my own life decisions gives lie to the "breeders don't care about non-breeders" assertion - for some reason, they surely do...

By: kozad

kozad — Mon, 13 Jul 2009 15:18:02 -0800

I always hear this from non-breeders, and my reaction is "Jesus Christ, who are these assholes to judge someone - out loud! - for not having children?" This is no different than my saying to a friend, "What a self-centered lout you are for not having given up an hour or two a day to practice violin for ten or twenty years! You could be making a contribution to the world of music, but, no, you had to fritter your life away dancing and blogging and who knows what." Also, it should not come as a surprise to anyone that some of us breeders have had certain selfish reasons for having children.

By: Civil_Disobedient

Civil_Disobedient — Mon, 13 Jul 2009 15:36:45 -0800

Coldchef, this post was worth your comment. Seconded.

By: ColdChef

ColdChef — Mon, 13 Jul 2009 16:05:26 -0800

Coldchef, this post was worth your comment. Seconded. My Flickr stats jumped through the roof today. Looks like that tacky pic got picked up by Reddit. Man. I'm going to have a lot of explaining to do to her when she's a teenager.

By: WCityMike

WCityMike — Mon, 13 Jul 2009 17:46:09 -0800

I hate this word as a comment, but there really is no better-suited word for my reaction: Meh.

By: benzo8

benzo8 — Mon, 13 Jul 2009 23:46:31 -0800

kozad: "I always hear this from non-breeders, and my reaction is "Jesus Christ, who are these assholes to judge someone - out loud! - for not having children?"" Well kozad, you seem like one of the less annoying parents who fall outside of my generalisation, so we're cool... I'm still not babysitting for you though!

By: felch

felch — Tue, 14 Jul 2009 03:18:59 -0800

What was designed to offend concerned citizenry obviously has. I'm sure they're delighted. I thought it was great - being more over-the-top-in-your-face-gore graphic would have helped - but it was great. More please.

By: contraption

contraption — Tue, 14 Jul 2009 10:47:25 -0800

Also, it should not come as a surprise to anyone that some of us breeders have had certain selfish reasons for having children. Organ farming?

By: From Bklyn

From Bklyn — Tue, 14 Jul 2009 14:08:28 -0800

contraception.

By: ericb

ericb — Tue, 14 Jul 2009 22:50:23 -0800

contraception. "Je vais le bonbon!" : Use Condoms

By: Deathalicious

Deathalicious — Tue, 14 Jul 2009 23:52:10 -0800

Just a note. That would be "I am going the candy." Pretty sure it's Je veux des bonbons

By: ericb

ericb — Wed, 15 Jul 2009 00:01:37 -0800

My mistake. My 12th. Grade French finally failed me! "Je veux des bonbons" (or, "Je veux les bonbons" --as, some have suggested) -- you are indeed right.

By: ericb

ericb — Wed, 15 Jul 2009 00:07:27 -0800

Damn ... I fucked up, didn't I, when I asked him: 'Do you cough with me tonight" and he replied "Mais, non?!"

By: From Bklyn

From Bklyn — Wed, 15 Jul 2009 00:25:19 -0800

"Je vais le bonbon" To be charitable, I tried to think of it as, "Je vais a le bonbon": I'm going to the candy which is still non-sensical, contextually, but maybe tending more in the right way. Kinda.