I have 5 Girl Friends and I Look Like Michael Jackson on the Thriller Album

July 16, 2009 5:49 PM

He lives somewhere in LA, looks like Michael Jackson and Barack Obama, loves rap, chess, nachos, movies and pizza, has some comic books to sell, and wants to meet white, Asian and Latina Ladies with big butts to give him money, be his sex slaves, or just help him with Things. Performance art project or genuine kook?
posted by acb (44 comments total)

Yeah, ok there.
posted by shoebox at 5:54 PM on July 16

men. *rolls eyes*
posted by the aloha at 5:55 PM on July 16

Why doesn't someone just call the number?
posted by piratebowling at 5:56 PM on July 16

CAREFULLY STAGED MEME CRASHES, BURNS.

Prose "too cutesy" say experts, handwriting likely staged.

Film at 11.
posted by fire&wings at 5:57 PM on July 16

Based on the fact he says he looks like both Michael Jackson and Barack Obama, two individuals who really do look nothing alike, I say kook, regardless of whether it's performance art or not.
posted by Effigy2000 at 5:58 PM on July 16

That's what they said about Galileo.
posted by Dumsnill at 6:01 PM on July 16

My name's Red King
and I'm here to say
mate in five
unless you pray
WORD
posted by DU at 6:01 PM on July 16 [1 favorite]

Sometimes "Performance Artist" is just a nice way of saying "nuttier than a squirrel turd". At least they get paid.
posted by Jilder at 6:06 PM on July 16 [2 favorites]

I guess the street team for MF Doom's next album is struggling for inspiration.
posted by Inspector.Gadget at 6:07 PM on July 16 [1 favorite]

Performance art project or genuine kook?

Yeh, why not both? Look at that van Gogh fella, he managed to achieve a good art/crazy balance...
posted by Sova at 6:08 PM on July 16

But is it some prankster doing this to "freak the mundanes" or make the world a bit odder for whatever peculiar motivation they have, or is there generally some nacho-loving, comic-book-collecting individual who sincerely wants big-butted sex slaves to help him with Things, and believes that what ladies want is a guy who looks like a young Michael Jackson and has made money selling books?
posted by acb at 6:12 PM on July 16

Performance art project or genuine kook?

These are indeed not mutually exclusive things, but in this case I believe the optimistic man who is (literally) posting these thinks he will find his big bottomed benefactress.
posted by longsleeves at 6:15 PM on July 16 [1 favorite]

Aw, both numbers go straight to voicemail.
posted by Donnie VandenBos at 6:23 PM on July 16

...and does he sound more like Jackson or Obama?
posted by gman at 6:29 PM on July 16

Totally random.
posted by stbalbach at 6:30 PM on July 16

He says he looks like Michael on "Good Times", well I look like Rerun on "What's Happening!!" Can we double date with some of those ladies with big butts?
posted by digsrus at 6:31 PM on July 16

sorry, busted, i just can't buy that handwriting as belonging to a genuine kooky-pants sex-freak kinda dude. but hey, it was good for a micro-chuckle.
posted by facetious at 6:34 PM on July 16

CAREFULLY STAGED MEME CRASHES, BURNS.

Hmmm--it's getting talked about on the interwebs. That's more like "carefully staged meme achieves take-off." Now the only question remains whether it can achieve escape velocity. The whole thing could be someone's sociology experiment.
posted by yoink at 6:35 PM on July 16

I'm sad that this is hitting the news and thus jumping the shark. Those signs made the best souvenirs for out of town guests.
posted by Thin Lizzy at 6:39 PM on July 16

He added tags to his fliers. He's definitely someone trying to become internet-famous.
posted by ElmerFishpaw at 6:40 PM on July 16

wants to meet white, Asian and Latina Ladies with big butts

Hey, just like Wolverine. Who has a daughter, apparently. Oh, it's some alternate future thing, or an X-chromosome only female clone.
posted by Artw at 6:43 PM on July 16 [1 favorite]

So are we just picking up krap from the floor and putting it on the blue, here?

Mods...I seriously believe that metafilter has thrived because of your mod-fu skills.

Please crush this useless thread.
posted by hal_c_on at 6:45 PM on July 16 [1 favorite]

Performance art project or genuine kook

*sigh* Labels....
posted by codswallop at 6:46 PM on July 16 [3 favorites]

...is there generally some nacho-loving, comic-book-collecting individual who sincerely wants big-butted sex slaves...

When you put it that way...maybe the Internet has woken up and is looking for a mate.
posted by DU at 6:47 PM on July 16 [5 favorites]

omg. O.M.G! i'm a lady, and i've been looking for someone to give money to. and to do things for! especially if those things involve pizza & movies and ... BEING A SEX SLAVE!!!!! who would have ever thought i'd have found that special guy on the internet?????????
posted by msconduct at 6:50 PM on July 16 [4 favorites]

is there generally some nacho-loving, comic-book-collecting individual who sincerely wants big-butted sex slaves

Hey, ye who doesn't want big-butted sex slaves may cast the first stone.
posted by Horace Rumpole at 6:58 PM on July 16 [1 favorite]

Oh shit: I like nachos, pizza, rap, chess, and movies as well as big bottomed white and latina girls.

I think this might be me.
posted by Item at 7:03 PM on July 16

This guy is like the Wesley Willis of hand-lettered signs.
posted by Afroblanco at 7:18 PM on July 16

Hooked On Steatopygia: Ginormous Glutes, Sex Slaves And Other Things That Go Bump In The Night On Melrose.
posted by rdone at 7:20 PM on July 16

actually, for this kind of 'street performance art,' you can't beat the sign i saw on a telephone pole in pittsburgh: crude line drawing of a woman in a flowered dress, with 'have you seen this person?' hand-lettered beneath it.
i liked it so much i stole it.
posted by msconduct at 7:57 PM on July 16

Artw: " wants to meet white, Asian and Latina Ladies with big butts

Hey, just like Wolverine. Who has a daughter, apparently. Oh, it's some alternate future thing, or an X-chromosome only female clone."

Hey, X-23 is fucking awesome.
posted by Phire at 8:24 PM on July 16

Attention whore.
posted by beelzebub at 8:30 PM on July 16

Just another "Toynbee ideas in Kubrick's 2001 resurrect dead on planet Jupiter"
posted by Fupped Duck at 8:43 PM on July 16 [1 favorite]

Ha. I pulled one of these off a pole on my corner last week to show to some people. I see them around Hollywood quite a bit.
posted by Bookhouse at 8:52 PM on July 16

men. *rolls eyes*

Yeah, if this FPP was about a crazy female kook slash performance artist, it...

Um... nope, I got nothin'.
posted by rokusan at 9:19 PM on July 16

toynbee idea in kubrick's 2001 resurrect dead on planet jupiter
posted by Henry C. Mabuse at 9:22 PM on July 16 [1 favorite]

Hey, X-23 is fucking awesome.

Well, two knuckle claws per hand is certainly less daft than son-of-wolverine and his two knukle claws and a wrist claw. On the other hand... foot claws?
posted by Artw at 10:10 PM on July 16

Also notice from the Wild Thing article that Wolverine turns up to pick his daughter up from school? That's certainly one up on anything that anything shit dad and general bad husband Scott Summers has ever done.
posted by Artw at 10:13 PM on July 16

And do derail even further, my god, is son-of-Wolverine everything that's wrong with modern comics rolled up into a tight little bundle or what?

I have a dream of one day creating Vlaw Force, which would be the ultimate fan-wank superheor team, which would consit entirely of all the Wolverine knock offs and their various types of claws. It would be the most Edgy! and Extreme! and Gritty! and full of Attitude! and Angst! thing commited to paper since the Image comics opening lineup.

Of course, the tricky thing would be finding a convincing reason for the team not to all kill each other five minutes after coming together.
posted by Artw at 10:29 PM on July 16

To be fair, it's entirely possible to look like Barack Obama and Michael Jackson, given that Jackson's face progressed not as quite a straight line from what would have been a handsome man, who, yes, would have looked as if he had ancestors recently from Africa to that living mime mask, androgynous and racially neutral, along various routes, turning back from surgical dead ends. Somewhere in those permutations Barackness might have lurked.

I like the fact that he's embedded his main message in a tag cloud. Yeah, I won't be using a printer on this one, but here's a tag cloud. Relevance: THUNDERCATS

So before you're all snarf snarf on the guy, he's at least hip to current search techniques.
posted by adipocere at 10:32 PM on July 16

If Wesley Willis were still alive, this wouldn't be a mystery.
posted by chillmost at 1:16 AM on July 17 [4 favorites]

waist = butt??
posted by Houstonian at 3:59 AM on July 17

Awesome. It's a way better marketing innovation than "financial CAPTCHA".
posted by mkultra at 7:03 AM on July 17

chillmost: If Wesley Willis were still alive, this wouldn't be a mystery.

Wesley Willis - this guy = Keyboard Cat.
posted by mkultra at 7:04 AM on July 17 [2 favorites]