Is That a Guitar In Your Hand Or Are You Just Here to BLOW SOME SHIT UP

July 17, 2009 10:15 AM

Want a new guitar, but don't want a boring ole Fender or Gibson? Then Johnson Guitars U.S.A may be the guitar maker for you. Keep your audiences wondering if you're here to rock out or gun them all down, sacrifice them to Apophis, feed them to a shark (or dragon), or simply take off into the stratosphere fueled by the power of your rock.
posted by robocop is bleeding (28 comments total)

That Egyptian guitar wouldn't be out of place in Templar, AZ.
posted by The Whelk at 10:20 AM on July 17, 2009

Screw that tele at my local guitar shop that I've had my eye on - I'm saving up for a fuckin' HAMMERHEAD SHARK GUITAR!
posted by threetoed at 10:26 AM on July 17, 2009

Fuck yeah.
posted by The Straightener at 10:27 AM on July 17, 2009

Is it bad that I think Wes Montgomery playing an archtop Gibson looks ten times more badass than anyone I could imagine playing an assault rifle guitar?
posted by Mali at 10:32 AM on July 17, 2009

There's too much awesome there. I need to lay down.
posted by fatbird at 10:33 AM on July 17, 2009 [1 favorite]

My buddy has a really nice Johnson Guitar. It is put together like a comparable Gibson or Martin, but it only cost $600 instead of $2000.
posted by Ironmouth at 10:33 AM on July 17, 2009

When I think about what I want a guitar to say about me, I think "I didn't bring enough hands" is always a daring choice.
posted by quin at 10:42 AM on July 17, 2009

It's not like they were the first company to do the gun thing: 10 guitars shaped like guns.
posted by item at 10:43 AM on July 17, 2009

These are crazy awesome. Especially the Egyptian ones.
posted by spitefulcrow at 10:45 AM on July 17, 2009

I now have the sudden urge to start a 14 member twee-pop/folk band that features a drummer and 13 guitarists playing Johnson guitars. The guitar breakdown will be as follows: 4 great white, 4 hammerhead, 4 dragon, and 1 machine gun. We will then crash the upcoming local folk festival, and whoever gets stuck playing the machine gun guitar will be obligated to get into a drunken, drug-fueled, onstage fist fight with Colin Meloy.

Now if you will all excuse me, I need to make some calls.
posted by threetoed at 10:46 AM on July 17, 2009

Eat it, Johnson guitars. This one has 'em beat.
posted by item at 10:50 AM on July 17, 2009

Oh my. It's my 9th grade notebook come to life.
There's also a Chinese company that makes surprisingly good knockoffs of American guitars using the Johnson name. Hence the 'USA' I imagine.
posted by aquanaut at 10:53 AM on July 17, 2009

I wouldn't mind getting the Tommy gun one. It screams class.
posted by prufrock at 10:56 AM on July 17, 2009

Oh Johnson, you think you make a mean dragon guitar? Think again.
posted by item at 10:58 AM on July 17, 2009

This is fun.
posted by item at 10:58 AM on July 17, 2009

Oh fuck yeah.
posted by item at 11:03 AM on July 17, 2009

That last one is so badass the Internet turned its eyes away from it.
posted by robocop is bleeding at 11:05 AM on July 17, 2009

i've seen worse...
posted by j.effingham.bellweather at 11:06 AM on July 17, 2009 [1 favorite]

Your favorite gun guitar positively sucks without a whammy bar.
posted by Ogre Lawless at 11:06 AM on July 17, 2009

That last one is so badass the Internet turned its eyes away from it.

Indeed it did. Here - ant farm guitar.
posted by item at 11:15 AM on July 17, 2009

Doooode. This are awesome. Great find.
posted by psmealey at 11:17 AM on July 17, 2009

Nothing wrong with a good custom guitar, but anyone who's really bored with a Strat has something broken inside of them.
posted by Halloween Jack at 1:59 PM on July 17, 2009

"This machine kills fascists."
posted by Herodios at 2:24 PM on July 17, 2009 [1 favorite]

Ummmmm...

(raises hand bashfully)

Is it wrong to ask why no one wonders what they sound like?
posted by Samizdata at 3:20 PM on July 17, 2009

My first guitar, and my most recent purchase, were both Johnsons.
posted by MrMoonPie at 4:34 PM on July 17, 2009

Sort of totally gay and totally rad at the same time.

GRAD!
posted by bardic at 9:38 PM on July 17, 2009

They're all just so ugly.
posted by The Monkey at 10:53 PM on July 17, 2009

This Aryan Jesus (from j.effingham.bellweather's link) looks like he's on meth or something.
posted by metagnathous at 2:42 PM on July 18, 2009