Free your tongue with WD-40
July 19, 2009 9:50 PM Subscribe
I started reading about alternative uses for olive oil. The led me to the kinda-cool AltUse.com, whose only failing is an inability to directly link to cool alternative uses for posts like this one. Luckily, other sites like this one can show you how to shine your shoes or treat minor burns with Cool-Whip or free your tongue from a metal pole with WD-40.
I imagine a fictional version of this could make an amusing MCsweeney's or Dave Barry column.
You can use a 50/50 mix of homemade earwax and used pennzoil® motor oil to shine your shoes. For white shoes, add a third part of clorox® bleach.
You can use texaco® gasoline as a vegan standin for kraft® parmesian cheese in most recipes.
If you run out of bayer® aspirin, lawn mulch from a toro® brand mulching riding mower make an effective analgesic.
Finger nail clippings made with revlon® brand nail clippers are an effective zombie deterrent.
posted by idiopath at 11:05 PM on July 19, 2009 [4 favorites]
You can use a 50/50 mix of homemade earwax and used pennzoil® motor oil to shine your shoes. For white shoes, add a third part of clorox® bleach.
You can use texaco® gasoline as a vegan standin for kraft® parmesian cheese in most recipes.
If you run out of bayer® aspirin, lawn mulch from a toro® brand mulching riding mower make an effective analgesic.
Finger nail clippings made with revlon® brand nail clippers are an effective zombie deterrent.
posted by idiopath at 11:05 PM on July 19, 2009 [4 favorites]
Ah, the long-elusive 2nd good use for WD-40. Because it's no damned good as a lubricant, and only passable as a de-watering agent, degreaser, or penetrating oil.
(The first being "for burning paper wasp nests". The plastic extension tube makes a handy pilot light.)
posted by Pinback at 12:23 AM on July 20, 2009 [2 favorites]
(The first being "for burning paper wasp nests". The plastic extension tube makes a handy pilot light.)
posted by Pinback at 12:23 AM on July 20, 2009 [2 favorites]
I'd like to mock these sites for their brilliant stupidity but the blue is too close to the green and I'll probably end up with some IANAD diagnoses and IANAL lawsuits.
posted by srboisvert at 12:37 AM on July 20, 2009
posted by srboisvert at 12:37 AM on July 20, 2009
I use it as a lubricant for sodomy.
posted by Henry C. Mabuse at 12:50 AM on July 20, 2009 [2 favorites]
posted by Henry C. Mabuse at 12:50 AM on July 20, 2009 [2 favorites]
I use it as a lubricant for sodomy.
I use it for rum.
posted by loquacious at 1:10 AM on July 20, 2009 [1 favorite]
I use it for rum.
posted by loquacious at 1:10 AM on July 20, 2009 [1 favorite]
Wow, that site is a total consumer whore, and how!TM
Clicking "next" too many times reveals a full screen flash ad with really loud and annoying music loop that's somehow worse than on-hold corporate jingles.
posted by loquacious at 1:17 AM on July 20, 2009
Clicking "next" too many times reveals a full screen flash ad with really loud and annoying music loop that's somehow worse than on-hold corporate jingles.
posted by loquacious at 1:17 AM on July 20, 2009
I use it as a lubricant for sodomy.
I use it for rum.
I use it to oil my lash.
Trifecta!
posted by eclectist at 3:29 AM on July 20, 2009 [3 favorites]
I use it for rum.
I use it to oil my lash.
Trifecta!
posted by eclectist at 3:29 AM on July 20, 2009 [3 favorites]
I was all set to enjoy AltUse.com when I was SHOUTED AT by an ad telling me DON'T PAY FOR WHITE TEETH!
How disturbed should I be?
posted by grubi at 5:56 AM on July 20, 2009
How disturbed should I be?
posted by grubi at 5:56 AM on July 20, 2009
It depends. How much were you ready to pay before?
posted by fleacircus at 6:30 AM on July 20, 2009
posted by fleacircus at 6:30 AM on July 20, 2009
Why would you take the elegant simplicity of a hyperlink and turn it into a javascript form post monstrosity? Here's an AltUse for you: alt-clicking to open real links in new tabs!
It's alt-click right? I middle-click so I kinda forget.
posted by revgeorge at 6:39 AM on July 20, 2009
It's alt-click right? I middle-click so I kinda forget.
posted by revgeorge at 6:39 AM on July 20, 2009
Cure Mange. While spraying a dog with WD-40 gets rid of parasitic mites, according to USA Today, the WD-40 Company, feeling that the potential misuse of the product is too great, refuses to condone using WD-40 to cure mange on animals.
Dipping the dog in acid would probably do the trick, too....
posted by mek at 7:06 AM on July 20, 2009
Dipping the dog in acid would probably do the trick, too....
posted by mek at 7:06 AM on July 20, 2009
Another great shoe-shiner is hand lotion. If you're out of shoe polish and your shoes look scruffy, a dime sized amount of lotion will often hide the scuffs until you can get it properly shined.
For those who can't stomach having Miracle Whip on hand.
posted by Deathalicious at 7:48 AM on July 20, 2009
For those who can't stomach having Miracle Whip on hand.
posted by Deathalicious at 7:48 AM on July 20, 2009
Well, fleacircus, I'll be honest. 'Tweren't a priority of mine to purchase teeth of any color, if'n you want to know.
posted by grubi at 8:50 AM on July 20, 2009
posted by grubi at 8:50 AM on July 20, 2009
(not making fun of you, fleacircus; I was just in a mood to talk old-timey.)
posted by grubi at 8:53 AM on July 20, 2009
posted by grubi at 8:53 AM on July 20, 2009
Today's Featured AltUse Product is "newspaper": A newspaper is a publication containing news, information, and advertising. General-interest newspapers often feature articles on political events, crime, business, art/entertainment, society and sports.
I don't get it.
posted by scratch at 10:03 AM on July 20, 2009
I don't get it.
posted by scratch at 10:03 AM on July 20, 2009
i live in Duluth. i cannot imagine that WD-40 is more accessible than a glass of warm water for tongue-on-pole-idiot.
posted by RedEmma at 10:22 AM on July 20, 2009 [2 favorites]
posted by RedEmma at 10:22 AM on July 20, 2009 [2 favorites]
Today's Featured AltUse Product is "newspaper": A newspaper is a publication containing news, information, and advertising. General-interest newspapers often feature articles on political events, crime, business, art/entertainment, society and sports.
I don't get it.
It requires a subscription.
posted by grubi at 12:08 PM on July 20, 2009
I don't get it.
It requires a subscription.
posted by grubi at 12:08 PM on July 20, 2009
Doesn't WD-40 contain some carcinogenic hydrocarbon nastiness? That you probably don't want to be spraying on your tongue?
posted by arcolz at 2:01 PM on July 20, 2009
posted by arcolz at 2:01 PM on July 20, 2009
Which is good considering how much rancid or near rancid olive oil is on the market these days.
Do people simply not know the difference? I view every bottle I am about to buy as guilty until proven innocent. Any suggestions for brands or outlets that tend to be fresh would be welcome
posted by IndigoJones at 3:14 PM on July 20, 2009
Do people simply not know the difference? I view every bottle I am about to buy as guilty until proven innocent. Any suggestions for brands or outlets that tend to be fresh would be welcome
posted by IndigoJones at 3:14 PM on July 20, 2009
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posted by spitefulcrow at 10:27 PM on July 19, 2009