Your Worst Nightmare, Butthorn!
July 29, 2009 12:06 AM Subscribe
Gary Busey is.. BULLETPROOF. (SLYT) via everything is terrible
It's kind of like the plot of Red Dawn combined with the plot of Rambo combined with the plot of Dirty Harry. Only with way more cocaine. Bonus footage.
It's kind of like the plot of Red Dawn combined with the plot of Rambo combined with the plot of Dirty Harry. Only with way more cocaine. Bonus footage.
Goddamnit, the link in the post was supposed to be this one: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RTI1oa4odQI
posted by signalnine at 12:21 AM on July 29, 2009 [1 favorite]
posted by signalnine at 12:21 AM on July 29, 2009 [1 favorite]
Now, my question is: What exactly is a butt-horn, and how is it different from a butt trumpet?
posted by dunkadunc at 12:28 AM on July 29, 2009
posted by dunkadunc at 12:28 AM on July 29, 2009
It's no Kings of Power, I'm afraid.
posted by Caduceus at 12:34 AM on July 29, 2009 [1 favorite]
posted by Caduceus at 12:34 AM on July 29, 2009 [1 favorite]
Butthorn? Of all the things to call your adversaries.
posted by TwelveTwo at 12:35 AM on July 29, 2009
posted by TwelveTwo at 12:35 AM on July 29, 2009
How bad is your day when you know you've picked the wrong Gary Busey footage?
posted by twoleftfeet at 12:45 AM on July 29, 2009 [5 favorites]
posted by twoleftfeet at 12:45 AM on July 29, 2009 [5 favorites]
I am deeply offended, as I have a horn growing out of my butt (cornufundum cutaneum) and all my life I have had to put up with derogatory discrimination and piss-takery. I am going to write to Gary Busey (if that is his real name) and give him a piece of my mind. And a little flakey bit of my butt horn, sellotaped to the letter, so he gets cooties.
posted by Henry C. Mabuse at 12:46 AM on July 29, 2009 [5 favorites]
posted by Henry C. Mabuse at 12:46 AM on July 29, 2009 [5 favorites]
Henry C. Mabuse actually knows more about butthorns than i think you can imagine.
posted by dunkadunc at 12:48 AM on July 29, 2009 [1 favorite]
posted by dunkadunc at 12:48 AM on July 29, 2009 [1 favorite]
Still better than Quantum of Solace.
posted by nicwolff at 12:51 AM on July 29, 2009 [1 favorite]
posted by nicwolff at 12:51 AM on July 29, 2009 [1 favorite]
Sometimes watching the slyt and reading the comments at the same time is better than rifftrax.
posted by YoBananaBoy at 1:55 AM on July 29, 2009
posted by YoBananaBoy at 1:55 AM on July 29, 2009
All this time, and I had no idea The Simpsons writers were referencing an actual movie when they had Ranier Wolfcastle play a character named McBain.
posted by dortmunder at 3:18 AM on July 29, 2009 [3 favorites]
posted by dortmunder at 3:18 AM on July 29, 2009 [3 favorites]
Bullets always bounce off chiclet teeth.
posted by bwg at 3:49 AM on July 29, 2009 [1 favorite]
posted by bwg at 3:49 AM on July 29, 2009 [1 favorite]
Fitting use of the under-utilized "butthorn" tag.
posted by Dr-Baa at 4:14 AM on July 29, 2009 [1 favorite]
posted by Dr-Baa at 4:14 AM on July 29, 2009 [1 favorite]
When did the black guy get in the car?
posted by digsrus at 4:31 AM on July 29, 2009 [1 favorite]
posted by digsrus at 4:31 AM on July 29, 2009 [1 favorite]
but he is not love-proof imo
posted by Potomac Avenue at 4:48 AM on July 29, 2009 [1 favorite]
posted by Potomac Avenue at 4:48 AM on July 29, 2009 [1 favorite]
Gary Busey is also... The Gingerdead Man!
Acting career on the rocks or an avant-garde exploration of his craft? Why chose just one? After all, bad is never good until worse happens.
Gary Busey: serious business.
posted by Slap*Happy at 5:26 AM on July 29, 2009
Acting career on the rocks or an avant-garde exploration of his craft? Why chose just one? After all, bad is never good until worse happens.
Gary Busey: serious business.
posted by Slap*Happy at 5:26 AM on July 29, 2009
When did the black guy get in the car?
About the same time they repaired the windshield, I would guess.
posted by le morte de bea arthur at 5:35 AM on July 29, 2009
About the same time they repaired the windshield, I would guess.
posted by le morte de bea arthur at 5:35 AM on July 29, 2009
Figuring that a shoehorn is used to stretch and hold the shape of a shoe, I imagine a butthorn would be a favorite tool of mr. goatse.
posted by idiopath at 5:35 AM on July 29, 2009
posted by idiopath at 5:35 AM on July 29, 2009
Ok Gary Busey does kick a lot of ass but did anyone try the other link? Seriously what the hell is yogi ogi dogi? Things like that should not be available in the mornings. I'm half asleep as it is and the thought of a rhasta crow will haunt me for the rest of my work day. BTW don't forget to breathe.
posted by Mastercheddaar at 5:46 AM on July 29, 2009 [1 favorite]
posted by Mastercheddaar at 5:46 AM on July 29, 2009 [1 favorite]
Gary Busey's Space Mayonnaise. Not to be missed.
posted by milarepa at 6:04 AM on July 29, 2009 [2 favorites]
posted by milarepa at 6:04 AM on July 29, 2009 [2 favorites]
That was some machine gun fight there. To anyone who thinks GM can't make good cars, that sedan's windshield just took about 3 million rounds without splintering to pieces. Let's see a Prius do that.
posted by Mister_A at 6:26 AM on July 29, 2009
posted by Mister_A at 6:26 AM on July 29, 2009
Gary Busey is nucking futs and always has been. I didn't even have to click the link to know that!
posted by PuppyCat at 6:35 AM on July 29, 2009
posted by PuppyCat at 6:35 AM on July 29, 2009
It can't be an accident that this clip's length is 4:20.
posted by littlerobothead at 6:41 AM on July 29, 2009 [1 favorite]
posted by littlerobothead at 6:41 AM on July 29, 2009 [1 favorite]
I liked how he reloaded after taking two shots. "I'm so fucking badass, my revolver fires in THREE ROUND BURSTS!"
posted by steef at 6:49 AM on July 29, 2009 [1 favorite]
posted by steef at 6:49 AM on July 29, 2009 [1 favorite]
I also loved how the windshield magically repaired itself after the machine-gun montage and subsequent grenade launch retaliation AND SUPPLIED GARY BUSEY WITH A TOUGH NEW BLACK PARTNER!
I so hope the new Nissan Cube can do this.
posted by Lipstick Thespian at 7:03 AM on July 29, 2009
I so hope the new Nissan Cube can do this.
posted by Lipstick Thespian at 7:03 AM on July 29, 2009
Yes, the ability to generate an ethnic minority sidekick was one of the many little-known virtues of mid-80s GM sedans. My '86 Buick Century had a toggle switch that, when activated, triggered the spontaneous generation of a wise-cracking Chinese kid from San Francisco. Like all Chinese people, he knew karate!
Now I must go watch the clip again to see the regenerating windshield, which I somehow missed amid the onslaught of awesome in the clip.
posted by Mister_A at 7:09 AM on July 29, 2009 [4 favorites]
Now I must go watch the clip again to see the regenerating windshield, which I somehow missed amid the onslaught of awesome in the clip.
posted by Mister_A at 7:09 AM on July 29, 2009 [4 favorites]
Also not to be missed: Corn Mo sings "Busey Boy"
Corn Mo is always to be missed.
posted by Horace Rumpole at 7:26 AM on July 29, 2009 [2 favorites]
Corn Mo is always to be missed.
posted by Horace Rumpole at 7:26 AM on July 29, 2009 [2 favorites]
*checks Netflix*
*finds Bulletproof*
*adds to queue*
*orgasms uncontrollably in anticipation*
posted by schleppo at 7:52 AM on July 29, 2009
*finds Bulletproof*
*adds to queue*
*orgasms uncontrollably in anticipation*
posted by schleppo at 7:52 AM on July 29, 2009
At the risk of disrupting the good guy/bad guy balance of power, I would like to offer the following advice to all of you bad guys out there. Throw those fucking useless AK-47's away and stick to handguns! Have you dumb fucks ever watched '24'? Jack Bauer can take out a whole shitpile of terrorists without reloading. Look at what happened with the machine gun sticking out of the back of the truck. Nothing. If they had a glock, Bussey's car would have been a ball of flames after one shot. If I don't see a major change in bad guy tactics in the next movie I see, I'm going to be pissed.
posted by digsrus at 7:54 AM on July 29, 2009 [3 favorites]
posted by digsrus at 7:54 AM on July 29, 2009 [3 favorites]
I think I might have written this script in the eighties when I was ten. My supercop was named "Max Factor" because I'd heard that name someplace and thought it was pretty sharp, but other than that this sounds exactly like one of my stories. I may have to sue.
posted by Bookhouse at 8:09 AM on July 29, 2009 [1 favorite]
posted by Bookhouse at 8:09 AM on July 29, 2009 [1 favorite]
Isn't the "wtf" tag redundant when following the "garybusey" tag?
posted by filthy light thief at 8:30 AM on July 29, 2009
posted by filthy light thief at 8:30 AM on July 29, 2009
One can only hope that the marvelous "butthorn" tag will see more use.
posted by Mister_A at 9:13 AM on July 29, 2009
posted by Mister_A at 9:13 AM on July 29, 2009
How come there are only six favorites?
posted by Number Used Once at 9:20 AM on July 29, 2009
posted by Number Used Once at 9:20 AM on July 29, 2009
Perhaps he is actually saying this? Though it would still make very little sense.
posted by barrett caulk at 9:32 AM on July 29, 2009
posted by barrett caulk at 9:32 AM on July 29, 2009
Everything is Terrible: IT IS SO GREAT. Today's included.
posted by The Devil Tesla at 9:34 AM on July 29, 2009 [4 favorites]
posted by The Devil Tesla at 9:34 AM on July 29, 2009 [4 favorites]
Everything is Terrible: IT IS SO GREAT. Today's included .
posted by The Devil Tesla at 12:34 PM on July 29
What. The. Fuck.
posted by lazaruslong at 9:46 AM on July 29, 2009
posted by The Devil Tesla at 12:34 PM on July 29
What. The. Fuck.
posted by lazaruslong at 9:46 AM on July 29, 2009
Has Gary Busey ever been younger than his early 50s?
posted by Evilspork at 10:04 AM on July 29, 2009
posted by Evilspork at 10:04 AM on July 29, 2009
Everybody wonders that. EVReee-bahdy.
posted by Henry C. Mabuse at 10:17 AM on July 29, 2009
posted by Henry C. Mabuse at 10:17 AM on July 29, 2009
Thank god there were crated shipments of Kevlar vests for Busy to take refuge behind. Otherwise all those 7.62mm rounds might have hurt him.
posted by tkchrist at 10:45 AM on July 29, 2009
posted by tkchrist at 10:45 AM on July 29, 2009
The rumor is that Busey's friends had a nickname for him: Gary Drug Abusey.
posted by Astro Zombie at 11:25 AM on July 29, 2009 [1 favorite]
posted by Astro Zombie at 11:25 AM on July 29, 2009 [1 favorite]
He may be bulletproof, but he is only moderately resistant to non–bullet-related brain injury.
posted by Mister_A at 11:55 AM on July 29, 2009
posted by Mister_A at 11:55 AM on July 29, 2009
I'm just thankful that Hollywood movies are now 100% Busey-proof.
posted by Atom Eyes at 12:44 PM on July 29, 2009
posted by Atom Eyes at 12:44 PM on July 29, 2009
Are you kidding me? If anything, Hollywood movies need MORE Busey.
posted by joedan at 1:05 PM on July 29, 2009 [2 favorites]
posted by joedan at 1:05 PM on July 29, 2009 [2 favorites]
Seriously, "butthorn" is the greatest thing I've heard all day. It got me thinking.
He could have used any of the following-
Butttrumpet
Assoboe
Asssax
Colontuba
Analharmonica
etc.
But BUTTHORN. That's classic.
posted by Dr-Baa at 1:13 PM on July 29, 2009 [1 favorite]
He could have used any of the following-
Butttrumpet
Assoboe
Asssax
Colontuba
Analharmonica
etc.
But BUTTHORN. That's classic.
posted by Dr-Baa at 1:13 PM on July 29, 2009 [1 favorite]
Ok Gary Busey does kick a lot of ass but did anyone try the other link? Seriously what the hell is yogi ogi dogi? Things like that should not be available in the mornings.
I was wide awake, and a few seconds into the yogiogidogi...thing I was wondering if perhaps a classic mkultra-era CIA operative had secretly drugged me with an experimental hallucinogenic compound earlier, and it was now starting to really kick in.
By the end, I was no longer wondering. I knew.
The level of ongoing cheerfully stunned mindfuck made me strongly remember one time in college after some all-nighter spent cranking out a paper that I should have had completed long prior. Everything completed, and so tired I couldn't even sleep (things get weird past the, say, 30 hour mark), I flip on the television and start randomly going through channels. This leads me to discovering the "Xuxa" kids show. At the time, Xuxa was apparently a big star in kids TV in Brazil, and was attempting to enter the American market with...much less successful results, and to the extent any of my memory of that discovery is accurate, I am not at all surprised.
There was a soundstage with, by rough estimate, several hundred flailing screaming kids. Circling and circulating and, well, working that crowd were a cadre of maybe 13 year old girls in, I shit you not, the equivalent of Vegas showgirl outfits, maybe less skin but only in order to cram on more sequins. By working I mean akin to sheepdogs working a flock. The childrens' affect was not so much happy as terrified and putting on rictus-grins in order to not be beaten. This was understandable as the star of the show dances singing onto stage. Xuxa does not look happy either, but she doesn't look scared either. She looks pissed, in the surly dangerous cranky tired way that's wired right into any child's Give Mom Space warning system, only they can't give her space, the middle school showgirl herders won't let them give any space, they're trapped in this situation and it's horrible and it's only just beginning.
Games follow. The one I clearly remember, in the way you clearly remember particularly vivid flashes of a fever dream, is when select inwardly-terrified children were divided into teams and took turns wearing helmets with large plastic bowls affixed to the top, while their partner would stamp on one end of a seesaw in order to catapult (presumably) fake fish through the air, the goal being to land them in the helmet bowls. All the while, the crowd of fire code violating children are screaming and shrieking encouragement, driven on by their junior showgirl handlers, to "CATCH THE FISH! CATCH THE FISH" while Xuxa looks on with an expression that suggests the losers will be flayed.
I'm pretty sure I shut it off at that point.
posted by Drastic at 2:02 PM on July 29, 2009 [4 favorites]
I was wide awake, and a few seconds into the yogiogidogi...thing I was wondering if perhaps a classic mkultra-era CIA operative had secretly drugged me with an experimental hallucinogenic compound earlier, and it was now starting to really kick in.
By the end, I was no longer wondering. I knew.
The level of ongoing cheerfully stunned mindfuck made me strongly remember one time in college after some all-nighter spent cranking out a paper that I should have had completed long prior. Everything completed, and so tired I couldn't even sleep (things get weird past the, say, 30 hour mark), I flip on the television and start randomly going through channels. This leads me to discovering the "Xuxa" kids show. At the time, Xuxa was apparently a big star in kids TV in Brazil, and was attempting to enter the American market with...much less successful results, and to the extent any of my memory of that discovery is accurate, I am not at all surprised.
There was a soundstage with, by rough estimate, several hundred flailing screaming kids. Circling and circulating and, well, working that crowd were a cadre of maybe 13 year old girls in, I shit you not, the equivalent of Vegas showgirl outfits, maybe less skin but only in order to cram on more sequins. By working I mean akin to sheepdogs working a flock. The childrens' affect was not so much happy as terrified and putting on rictus-grins in order to not be beaten. This was understandable as the star of the show dances singing onto stage. Xuxa does not look happy either, but she doesn't look scared either. She looks pissed, in the surly dangerous cranky tired way that's wired right into any child's Give Mom Space warning system, only they can't give her space, the middle school showgirl herders won't let them give any space, they're trapped in this situation and it's horrible and it's only just beginning.
Games follow. The one I clearly remember, in the way you clearly remember particularly vivid flashes of a fever dream, is when select inwardly-terrified children were divided into teams and took turns wearing helmets with large plastic bowls affixed to the top, while their partner would stamp on one end of a seesaw in order to catapult (presumably) fake fish through the air, the goal being to land them in the helmet bowls. All the while, the crowd of fire code violating children are screaming and shrieking encouragement, driven on by their junior showgirl handlers, to "CATCH THE FISH! CATCH THE FISH" while Xuxa looks on with an expression that suggests the losers will be flayed.
I'm pretty sure I shut it off at that point.
posted by Drastic at 2:02 PM on July 29, 2009 [4 favorites]
Come to think of it, afterwards I also started managing time better in order to avoid all-nighters.
posted by Drastic at 2:03 PM on July 29, 2009
posted by Drastic at 2:03 PM on July 29, 2009
Back when I was doing interior trim carpentry for the rich and shamelessly self indulgent, my crew spent over a year trimming out a house for a butthorn who knew Gary Busey. While we were working on that house, the butthorn bought the Versace mansion in Miami, sponsored The Miss Hawaiian Tropic contest there and, “allegedly date raped” the unfortunate winner.
We never, ever worked overtime. Once he tried to get us to work on a Saturday by saying that Gary Busey would be there and we would probably get to look at him. But nobody went for it.
posted by Huplescat at 3:34 PM on July 29, 2009
We never, ever worked overtime. Once he tried to get us to work on a Saturday by saying that Gary Busey would be there and we would probably get to look at him. But nobody went for it.
posted by Huplescat at 3:34 PM on July 29, 2009
"I'm a little too old to be playing 'Hardy Boys meet Reverend Werewolf!'"
posted by kirkaracha at 3:42 PM on July 29, 2009
posted by kirkaracha at 3:42 PM on July 29, 2009
Still better than Quantum of Solace.
I read this and thought "Huh, I should see that", then I realized I *had* seen it. Twice. Yet I can't recall a single detail about it.
I can't help but think this was intended, a kind of self-nullifying experience that leads to repeat purchases.
posted by The Whelk at 5:27 PM on July 29, 2009 [2 favorites]
Are you kidding me? If anything, Hollywood movies need MORE Busey.
More Busey. More cowbell. More Walken.
A movie featuring all three!
How awesome would that be?
posted by bwg at 5:44 PM on July 29, 2009
More Busey. More cowbell. More Walken.
A movie featuring all three!
How awesome would that be?
posted by bwg at 5:44 PM on July 29, 2009
You mean this Xuxa?
"HELLO HELLO HELLO! We have a lot of games and Chich Marin too! Our show begin now!"
posted by benzenedream at 1:02 AM on July 30, 2009
"HELLO HELLO HELLO! We have a lot of games and Chich Marin too! Our show begin now!"
posted by benzenedream at 1:02 AM on July 30, 2009
Butt Trumpet is nowhere near as interesting as I thought it was.
posted by dunkadunc at 9:03 PM on July 30, 2009
posted by dunkadunc at 9:03 PM on July 30, 2009
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posted by signalnine at 12:09 AM on July 29, 2009 [1 favorite]