Not Quite TIME CUBE Crazy

August 11, 2009 8:02 PM

When purchasing a new home, calling a psychic to assess its condition is usually not the first thing on people's minds. But David Franklin Farkas of Amherst is hoping to change that. Farkas, who has more than 30 years of experience in the healing arts, has recently started a business psychically checking buildings for damage and repairing any 'holes' he finds in the energetic structure. It may sound like something from a sci-fi story, but Farkas' clients take the services offered by his consulting company, HouseHealing.com, very seriously.
—Laura Sylvester (Daily Hampshire Gazette)

Meet David Franklin Farkas, MS, Ed. He'll heal your house from afar, and claims to be a "Spiritual Healer, Teacher, Writer, Speaker, Shaman, Mystic, and Ghost Buster, Quantum Mechanic, Technician of the Sacred."

A podcasted interview, fodder for you twitter haters, and I would be remiss if I left out the facebook haters. Enjoy.

posted by cjorgensen (47 comments total)

"Quantum Mechanic?"
Well, my Honda *is* erratic...
posted by SansPoint at 8:05 PM on August 11, 2009

So he takes money from credulous idiots who obviously have an excess of it? Cool.
posted by orthogonality at 8:06 PM on August 11, 2009 [5 favorites]

So, we've got a crank looking to make money... we're giving him space here because why?

I'm feeling like a bit of a curmudgeon, but this really doesn't seem to be anything other than "laugh at the crazy guy"...

am I missing something? what's to "enjoy"?
posted by HuronBob at 8:07 PM on August 11, 2009 [1 favorite]

In the movie 'HellBoy' Dr. Broom says,

Seriously? Did you just quote a line from Hellboy while describing your qualifications?
posted by qvantamon at 8:09 PM on August 11, 2009

It doesn't sound at all like sci-fi. Last time I checked, the "sci" stood for science.
posted by ActingTheGoat at 8:11 PM on August 11, 2009 [3 favorites]

I think there's been some entanglement in my fuel line recently. I've been looking for a good Quantum Mechanic.
posted by Midnight Rambler at 8:14 PM on August 11, 2009 [1 favorite]

Don't trust quantum mechanics. I took my car to the quantum mechanic once. I asked him to fix the speedometer, and now I have no idea where my car is.
posted by qvantamon at 8:18 PM on August 11, 2009 [50 favorites]

Why do all the crazies talk about quantum mechanics?

We need to put all of them in a couple of physics courses.
posted by kldickson at 8:19 PM on August 11, 2009 [2 favorites]

Stay in school, kids.
posted by boo_radley at 8:21 PM on August 11, 2009

Seriously? Did you just quote a line from Hellboy while describing your qualifications?

He misspelled the character's name, too.

Nothing to see here.
posted by cog_nate at 8:24 PM on August 11, 2009

Wasn't his brother the bully in A Christmas Story? This family sucks.
posted by queensissy at 8:31 PM on August 11, 2009

I can do everything this guy does, and for half the price, using Twitter.
posted by Burhanistan at 8:35 PM on August 11, 2009

These guys never realize that more job titles != more credibility.

"They're not taking me seriously? Better add 'quantum mechanics' and 'ghost buster' and 'Technician of the Sacred' to that list. NOW who's laughing, eh?"
posted by unixrat at 8:38 PM on August 11, 2009

So, we've got a crank looking to make money... we're giving him space here because why?

It amused me. And while I guess some people do take people like this stuff seriously, I really doubt the path to their downfall will route through metafilter.
posted by cjorgensen at 8:45 PM on August 11, 2009

Thanks for posting this,,it ruffles my aura and fengs my shui.
posted by hortense at 8:50 PM on August 11, 2009 [2 favorites]

I'm not shui'd at all.
posted by boo_radley at 8:53 PM on August 11, 2009

The douchiest of the web!
posted by ixohoxi at 8:54 PM on August 11, 2009

"Quantum Mechanic?"

See you're problem here is you got a busted quark. I'm gonna have to pull your hadrons and give 'em a overhaul; let me tell you you're just really lucking this has nothing to do with you're leptons or we would be here all night.
posted by nola at 8:56 PM on August 11, 2009 [1 favorite]

brundlefly's train of thought:

1. You're right. It's not QUITE Time Cube crazy
2. But it is CLOSE to Time Cube crazy
3. I've personally known a lot of people who would be open to this kind of thing, if not embrace it whole hog.
4. I should stock up on canned goods and never leave the house.

posted by brundlefly at 8:57 PM on August 11, 2009 [3 favorites]

It's not really apt to consider him crazy per se. Everything in his worldview is fairly coherent and thought through. It may all be hogwash, but it's orderly hogwash. But, there really are hundreds of snake oil salesmen like this in the US alone, many with websites even nuttier than this guy's site. They shouldn't be regarded in the same category as your typical grifter since right or wrong most of them truly believe in what they are doing. I'm not sure why we're laughing at this one in particular.
posted by Burhanistan at 8:59 PM on August 11, 2009

# But it is CLOSE to Time Cube crazy

Again, and I certainly don't want to come off as some kind of apologist for this guy, but have you seen Timecube lately? That's the ramblings of someone suffering a host of paranoid delusions and psychotic breaks. This guy, while perhaps being irredeemably new agey kooky, has his stuff together.
posted by Burhanistan at 9:02 PM on August 11, 2009

Sci-Fi Writer Attributes Everything Mysterious To 'Quantum Flux'
posted by Artw at 9:11 PM on August 11, 2009

I hope he'll be open to a discount in order to cleanse my place of work, which is full of juvenile tinhorns, bumbling mediocrities, and crass bully boys, and then move on to the basement where Linda Douglass is making lists of bad people.
posted by wallstreet1929 at 9:12 PM on August 11, 2009

Ch'ee, all this talk about that F'ing Shui malarkey isn't very prosperous for my mental balance!!
posted by Greg_Ace at 9:25 PM on August 11, 2009

Y'know, I've been told that I have good enough charisma that I could probably be a decent fortune teller, psychic, or what-have-you. The shysters make some good money.

But my conscience would bother be way too much.
posted by ShawnStruck at 9:30 PM on August 11, 2009

Burhanistan: "have you seen Timecube lately?"

Whoa. It's like Timecube...cubed itself.
posted by Kadin2048 at 9:48 PM on August 11, 2009

Yeah, anyone competent enough to make money off their delusions (psychics, fortune tellers, the Catholic Church, etc) has nothing on Time Cube.

Shouldn't that be TIMECUBE?
posted by Caduceus at 9:49 PM on August 11, 2009

Timecube cubed -
Hypertimecube!
the apocalypse
posted by Artw at 9:49 PM on August 11, 2009

From the legal disclaimers:

"David Franklin Farkas is an ordained Minister of the Universal Life Church and offers these services as Spiritual Healing and Counseling within his ministry."
posted by T.D. Strange at 9:51 PM on August 11, 2009

This must all be apart of Comrade Obama's plan to redistribute the wealth to the proletariat.
posted by munchingzombie at 9:52 PM on August 11, 2009

This house healing guy is far from crazy, he's got a nice con going.
posted by T.D. Strange at 9:52 PM on August 11, 2009

Buildings Community weblogs, like people, hold the energy of past traumatic events. When this damage is repaired post is deleted the building website can be energetically cleared, and protected.
posted by lukemeister at 9:53 PM on August 11, 2009

I'm also a minister of the Universal Life Church (IIRC).

Send me money.
posted by pompomtom at 9:55 PM on August 11, 2009

Why do all the crazies talk about quantum mechanics?

Copenhagen interpretation. You see, once you say something like "observation of an experiment affects its outcome", you can't complain when every "positive thinking" kook out there reads that as "the observer can alter reality".

On the other hand, once the kooks start to pick up on the many-world interpretation, that's going to be a whole different shitstorm...
posted by qvantamon at 9:57 PM on August 11, 2009 [1 favorite]

"Why do all the crazies talk about quantum mechanics?"

Something something spin doctors.
posted by mr_crash_davis mark II: Jazz Odyssey at 10:07 PM on August 11, 2009 [1 favorite]

Burhanistan: Again, and I certainly don't want to come off as some kind of apologist for this guy, but have you seen Timecube lately? That's the ramblings of someone suffering a host of paranoid delusions and psychotic breaks. This guy, while perhaps being irredeemably new agey kooky, has his stuff together.

Yeah, I don't know if I'd say if he's actually crazy at all. He seems to have it completely together where it comes to making cash off of stupid.

Evil... well, that's a whole 'nother question. I don't remember crazy timecube dude ever asking for money, even though he's clearly got one of the most popular web sites out there.
posted by koeselitz at 10:17 PM on August 11, 2009

Here's something to think about: The idea that the The "waveform colapses on observation" seems a little silly because what's "observation"? Couldn't it be said that the "waveform" simply envelops the mind and thus your own experiences are now in a superposition, which never actually colapses? Of course, this could very well be one of the 16 diffrent quantum interpretations listed on Wikipedia, which also has an article on Quantum mysticism, none of which I've read.
posted by delmoi at 10:20 PM on August 11, 2009

Where are the MeFi snob police?
Isn't it breaking a rule to post like this?

Or am I just an overzealous lurking n00b?
posted by will wait 4 tanjents at 10:24 PM on August 11, 2009

Oh wow, the timecube guy now references The Matrix.

Did you see the movie Matrix? Actually the
induced night "dream world" is synonymous
with the academic religious induced daytime
"word world" enslavement of humans. Word
has no inherent value, as it was invented as a
counterfeit and fictitious value to represent
natural values in commerce. Unfortunately,
human values have declined to fictitious
word values. Unknowingly, you are living
in a "Word World", as in a fictitious life
in a counterfeit nation - which you could
consider Matrix induced "Dream World".
Can you distinguish the academic induced
"Word World" from the natural "Real
World"? Beware of the change when your
brain is free from induced"Word World"
enslavement - for you could find that the
natural "Real World" has been destroyed.

posted by delmoi at 10:25 PM on August 11, 2009

Why do all the crazies talk about quantum mechanics?

When Regular Guy A exhales and makes a crazy claim about strange things happening and Regular Guy B says it's impossible, Regular Guy A can point to that "spooky action at a distance" line as justification for believing in synchronicity and other things involving unseen connections and forces.

And, like, dude, even Einstein, the smartest man in the universe, couldn't wrap his mind around it. Science is just, like, weirder than we thought. There's a whole hidden universe behind the universe. Dimensions, man. Anything is possible.

Etc.
posted by pracowity at 10:26 PM on August 11, 2009

Oh wow, the timecube guy now references The Matrix.

We have thus established that the quality of the movie referenced is proportional to the craziness of the guy.
posted by qvantamon at 10:34 PM on August 11, 2009 [1 favorite]

Where are the MeFi snob police?
Isn't it breaking a rule to post like this?

will wait 4 tanjents,

It is! Our taunts aren't working! Must resort to ad hominem arguments!
posted by lukemeister at 10:37 PM on August 11, 2009

Also: this may seem sorta SA-Goon-ish, but I will officially give $5.00 to the first person who calls this guy and says

Oh, hello, is this Dr. Farkas? Dr. David Farkas, the quantum mechanic? Awesome! I'm really glad I caught you - see, I have this huge problem, and I know you're the only one who can help me. See, I've got this electrical field that I'm dealing with experimentally, and I'm observing quantization that makes absolutely no sense on this level! I've run the Kelvin-Stokes theorem a dozen times, and what I'm seeing doesn't conform at all to Faraday's Law! Maybe you can check my math on this, I don't know, but I really think I need a quantum mechanic here.

f.ing spiritualists name-checking 'quantum mechanics' cluelessly
posted by koeselitz at 10:37 PM on August 11, 2009 [1 favorite]

qvantamon: We have thus established that the quality of the movie referenced is proportional to the craziness of the guy.

No, what we've established is that the craziness of the guy is proportional to the number of times he references The Matrix in his theory of the world.
posted by koeselitz at 10:40 PM on August 11, 2009

Wow, I have this theory that this whole thread is like a dream, and we're like powering the Matrix and talking about quantum mechanics, man.

Hi koeselitz. We met at the MetaFilter 10th meetup.
posted by lukemeister at 10:44 PM on August 11, 2009

He's no Ronald Chevalier, is all I have to say.
posted by Sidhedevil at 10:56 PM on August 11, 2009

koeselitz, I have enough free time this week (yay for a break between summer classes and fall) that I might try trolling the crap out of the guy.
posted by kldickson at 11:07 PM on August 11, 2009