9.58s
August 16, 2009 2:48 PM   Subscribe

9.58s : Usain Bolt sets a new 100m World Record

Video here and (bad quality) here.

"It was the biggest increase in the record since electronic time was introduced in 1968."
The previous record was 9.69 set by Bolt in Beijing, 2008 (discussed here).

A table of the record progression

Sidenote: the unbelievable time of doped up Ben Johnson was 9.79
posted by sloe (161 comments total) 1 user marked this as a favorite
 
Countdown to doping scandal in 5, 4, 3, 2, . . . .
posted by fourcheesemac at 2:51 PM on August 16, 2009


Yeah, I have a nagging fear that Bolt's accomplishments are going to turn out to be due to refinements in the art of circumventing anti-doping regulations rather than in the art of running fast. I certainly hope not, though.
posted by The Tensor at 2:53 PM on August 16, 2009 [1 favorite]


fourcheesemac: I dunno. If you look at Bolt's body shape he seems to be a freak of nature custom made for sprinting. He's way taller than most other sprinters and that gives him this massive stride.
posted by PenDevil at 2:57 PM on August 16, 2009 [1 favorite]


Bolt sets a new 100m World Record

Eponysterical much?
posted by Tomorrowful at 3:00 PM on August 16, 2009 [1 favorite]


If you look at the video it looks like Tyson Gay is taking more strides for every stride Bold does.
posted by PenDevil at 3:00 PM on August 16, 2009


Well even if he was on dope (and there is zero evidence of it), he beat the previous doped up time by over 0.2 seconds!! So I have to assume that even if he was doped (and again, that's nothing but slander), a theoretical undoped Bolt would still probably have beat the shit out of the old record, even if it was by less.
posted by drjimmy11 at 3:02 PM on August 16, 2009 [1 favorite]


Countdown to doping scandal in 5, 4, 3, 2, . . . .

Counting back up again...

He's big and strong and fast. Maybe that's enough.
posted by pracowity at 3:02 PM on August 16, 2009 [1 favorite]


Eponysterical much?

Not really. You see who this was posted by?
posted by gman at 3:02 PM on August 16, 2009 [11 favorites]


This was only a matter of time. He eased up in Beijing. Great run and he's only 22. This guy could go beneath 9.5.
posted by IanMorr at 3:03 PM on August 16, 2009


I love Usain Bolt. Usually the 100 metres final is all about aggression and dominance. With Bolt it seems its all about the sheer exuberant joy of being really fucking fast
posted by dng at 3:05 PM on August 16, 2009 [23 favorites]


Amazing what chemistry can do in our times.
posted by yoyo_nyc at 3:05 PM on August 16, 2009


Just another one of those pothead stoners. Those sorts of guys never amount to anything.
posted by five fresh fish at 3:11 PM on August 16, 2009


The academic who supervised my undergraduate dissertation advocated legalisation of doping in sport because he believes it is impossible to prevent. Here's the article from the Guardian - "Faster, stronger, higher"
posted by knapah at 3:15 PM on August 16, 2009


Utterly amazing to watch. Goosebumps all over. 9.58! that's insane. and no, he's not doped up.


btw, the previous WR, from Beijing, was 9.69.
posted by mr.marx at 3:20 PM on August 16, 2009


Every time I hear Dutch spoken, I feel like if I could only somehow twist my brain just a *teeny* bit, just jiggle it into the right place, I'd be able to understand it. (non-Dutch speaker)
posted by nonspecialist at 3:20 PM on August 16, 2009 [9 favorites]


Usain Bolt sets a new 100m World Recrod

You sound ignorant when you do that.
posted by Afroblanco at 3:20 PM on August 16, 2009 [6 favorites]


Afroblanco: that's a name, not an adjective, he is Jamaican.
posted by idiopath at 3:26 PM on August 16, 2009 [16 favorites]


This was only a matter of time. He eased up in Beijing. Great run and he's only 22. This guy could go beneath 9.5.

Usain Bolt sez: "I think I could go 9.4 but I think the world stops at 9.4."


I love Usain Bolt. Usually the 100 metres final is all about aggression and dominance. With Bolt it seems its all about the sheer exuberant joy of being really fucking fast

A-freaking-men, brother. He's the best thing going in sports right now because his, "...sheer exuberant joy of being really fucking fast." He's so much fun to watch because of that. Makes me want to go out and sprint up and down the street.
posted by NoMich at 3:26 PM on August 16, 2009


knapah: The academic who supervised my undergraduate dissertation advocated legalisation of doping in sport because he believes it is impossible to prevent.

I really disagree with that sentiment. It would pretty much turn every sport into the same event - the 100m Who's Willing to Ruin Their Health the Most for the Public's Amusement.
posted by Mitrovarr at 3:30 PM on August 16, 2009 [4 favorites]


2nd'ing dng's comment, his enthusiasm is electric. He must turn into a different person before a race, as he was very quiet and reserved when he was a guest on Top Gear. Is there any video up yet? He must have kept his head down this time.
posted by limited slip at 3:34 PM on August 16, 2009


Afroblanco: that's a name, not an adjective, he is Jamaican.

HAH! Okay, I'm an idiot. Carry on.
posted by Afroblanco at 3:38 PM on August 16, 2009 [16 favorites]


"btw, the previous WR, from Beijing, was 9.69."

Yeah - I messed that up - have asked the mods to fix
posted by sloe at 3:42 PM on August 16, 2009


Mod note: Fixed the little things that wanted fixin'.
posted by cortex (staff) at 3:47 PM on August 16, 2009


This guy is amazing. So much fun to watch! I'm glad to see someone attracting so much positive attention to track & field, too. Maybe media coverage of track & field events will improve as a result...please?

This was only a matter of time.
Exactly. Looks like he's been working on his discipline at the starting line, too, so expect more to come.
posted by amarie at 3:49 PM on August 16, 2009


U.S.A.(in)! U.S.A.(in)! U.S.A.(in)! U.S.A.(in)!
posted by wendell at 3:52 PM on August 16, 2009 [3 favorites]


It would pretty much turn every sport into the same event - the 100m Who's Willing to Ruin Their Health the Most for the Public's Amusement.

Seconded. Doping is banned for a good reason. People die when they get it wrong.
posted by afx237vi at 4:00 PM on August 16, 2009 [1 favorite]


Wow, that's gotta be heartbreaking for the #2 finisher, Tyson Gay -- he was in at 9.71sec, just two hundredths of a second behind Bolt's prior world record -- while Bolt was busy moving the goalposts.

Ouch.
posted by Malor at 4:02 PM on August 16, 2009 [2 favorites]


Mr. Bolt didn't get dosed with chemicals that were hit by lighting at any point during his career did he?
posted by The Whelk at 4:04 PM on August 16, 2009 [1 favorite]


The really sad thing about the doping scandals is the effect that it has on potentially innocent parties like Bolt. He's an amazing athlete, and because he's so successful, there will always be questions about what might be happening behind the scenes.

A lot of us baseball fans were amused by the marginal competitors who were busted steroid use. For every Manny Ramirez, there's a Jason Grimsley or a Shane Monahan.
posted by chrchr at 4:05 PM on August 16, 2009 [1 favorite]


He's an amazing athlete, and because he's so successful, there will always be questions about what might be happening behind the scenes.

It probably doesn't help when 5 Jamaican athletes fail dope tests, but are then cleared a month later because the Jamaican federation can't figure out whether the substance is actually banned or not.
posted by afx237vi at 4:11 PM on August 16, 2009


Yeah, I have a nagging fear that Bolt's accomplishments are going to turn out to be due to refinements in the art of circumventing anti-doping regulations rather than in the art of running fast. I certainly hope not, though.

The whole thing is much more complicated than this. There are two major issues up for debate here: doping itself, and doping regulation.

It's a common misconception that drugs will automatically help sprinters run fast in a direct way. Doping in endurance sport will help an individual performance by increasing oxygen processing capacity - drugs like EPO boost the blood's oxygen-carrying capacity by stimulating the production of red blood cells. Sprinting, however, isn't that simple.

Drugs in sprinting are as much to do with recovery from training - steroids and human growth hormone both help you build muscle and help you recover faster so you can train harder and longer, and, especially, recover from injury faster. Bolt is actually a better candidate for drug use than the average sprinter - he has the frame and he needs the explosive power to carry that frame. Big weights and explosive, injury-producing training would benefit from the introduction of these sorts of exogenous substances.

The second issue is regulation. As a competitive distance runner myself, I have a very cynical view of drug use in sport. Personally, it's my opinion that the federations protect their stars. They'll only test someone positive if they're not playing by the rules. I distinctly remember an interview with Merlene Ottey (Jamaican sprinter) acting angry in an interview after she tested positive. She was saying strange things like 'they told me this wouldn't happen', and the interview was cut short. The issue was, I think, that she was approaching 40 and someone told her to retire. She didn't want to.

I really hope Bolt, Armstrong etc aren't on drugs. I do believe it's possible to perform for a short while at a world-class level without drugs, but to see the increases in performances across the board in the last decade - I just can't see it all happening through training methods and talent identification. I'd be happy to be wrong.
posted by jimmythefish at 4:11 PM on August 16, 2009 [4 favorites]


I think of dopers as the people who want to win at any cost, and will give up almost anything to do it, and Usain just doesn't look like that he's got quite that level of discipline.

To an unpracticed eye, it looks like he hasn't even truly tuned his stride for maximum performance, that he's just supremely talented, the naturally-fastest human that's ever (provably) existed. It looks like he hasn't pushed himself in the same way that all those other runners have. He doesn't look "hungry" the way those guys do, so I have trouble imagining that he wants to win bad enough to cheat.

Admittedly, that's a lot of speculation to hang on tenuous evidence.... sloppy stride and much less-developed upper body equating to no steroids is pretty thin. But that's the way I'd bet, at least at 50:50 odds.
posted by Malor at 4:17 PM on August 16, 2009


No better name for the fastest man on earth.
posted by Senator at 4:18 PM on August 16, 2009


sloppy stride and much less-developed upper body

You're kidding, right? One of the amazing things about Bolt is that, despite his 6'5" frame, he's built in proportion to a much smaller man. His arms are huge. Dude's ripped, he has excellent mechanics and form and, despite what you see before his races, trains very hard and is quite serious about it all.

http://observers.france24.com/files/images/usain-bolt-m.jpg
posted by jimmythefish at 4:22 PM on August 16, 2009


No better name for the fastest man on earth.

Yeah, it wouldn't quite work if he were a marathon runner.
posted by bwg at 4:25 PM on August 16, 2009


there will always be questions about what might be happening behind the scenes.

And suspect (if not necessarily illegal) substances found in Bolt's training partner, and Jamaican athletes not being where they're supposed to be before the games doesn't exactly make people less willing to ask questions.

(I suspect amateur conspiracy theorists could prove a lot of things here by looking at US and Jamaican results on 100m over the last ten years, and compare them to USADA activity, but I'm not going to go there myself...)
posted by effbot at 4:26 PM on August 16, 2009 [1 favorite]


I tried to count the number of strides he made to get to 100m to get a sense of his stride length. I counted 18, but it's hard to count when the camera changes angles. Still, that is something like a 5.5m stride length. Impressive.
posted by kuujjuarapik at 4:26 PM on August 16, 2009


I saw the final on TV and was impressed, as well as the semi-final earlier today. And yet it was yesterday's quarter final with him and his training-mate Daniel Bailey (representing Antigua and Barbuda) that gave me chills. Sure the bottom line time isn't better, but the two of them look at each other about 75% through the race (which is a mere 7 seconds or so in) and just laugh as they finish 1 - 2.

In the link above the race starts about 2:00 in. This video has a better close up of the moment about 1:50 in. Here's a pic I want made into a poster.
posted by yeti at 4:34 PM on August 16, 2009 [5 favorites]


Well, but if you look at him next to the other runners in that line in the video -- they all look like bodybuilders, with huge, carefully-honed muscles. Bolt's probably wickedly strong, but he doesn't have that same sculpted look to him.

But, hey, like I said, I'm a total amateur. I have absolutely no special knowledge. Taking the other side of any bet I'd make in sports would probably be a good idea. :) Further, since you're an actual runner, trusting my opinion over yours would be a very stupid thing for bystanders to do.

But, even knowing it's probably stupid, and coming from inexperienced intuition, I'd still make the no-doping-as-of-today bet. Next year, who knows, but I don't think he's doing it now.
posted by Malor at 4:35 PM on August 16, 2009


I really disagree with that sentiment. It would pretty much turn every sport into the same event - the 100m Who's Willing to Ruin Their Health the Most for the Public's Amusement.

More to the point, while it might seem like an OK bargain to, say, get a few Olypmic golds in return for a life of health problems later on, consider all the people who'll fuck their lives up to be told at 18, "sorry, kid, you lose ten years of your life, but you aren't going to make it to the big event, never mind win there."
posted by rodgerd at 4:38 PM on August 16, 2009


Incredible.
posted by carter at 4:39 PM on August 16, 2009


"The difference with Bolt is that when he is full stride, covering that distance with such amazing grace in just 41 steps, you fancy he has the capacity to utterly destroy his opposition."

Most runners take 44. Basically it's like everyone is racing against their big brother
posted by vapidave at 4:42 PM on August 16, 2009 [7 favorites]


No better name for the fastest man on earth.

well, then, you obviously need to meet my friend Blink N. Umissem
posted by mannequito at 4:56 PM on August 16, 2009 [15 favorites]


The CBC on-track interviewer asked him after the run if he had chicken strips before the race.
He said "No. Nuggets."
posted by Pseudonumb at 5:02 PM on August 16, 2009 [2 favorites]


I tried to count the number of strides he made to get to 100m to get a sense of his stride length. I counted 18, but it's hard to count when the camera changes angles. Still, that is something like a 5.5m stride length. Impressive.

He covers 100 meters in 40 or 41 gargantuan strides, about five or six fewer than other world-class sprinters, without sacrificing explosion and quickness out of the starting blocks.
posted by Joseph Gurl at 5:08 PM on August 16, 2009 [1 favorite]


Malor,

Watching on TV is one thing. Seeing it live is entirely different. You'd be truly in awe of Bolt's stunning physical presence up close. You know how they say the TV adds 10 pounds? It's true. It also provides a filter that's ripped away when it's happening live in front of you. Worldd-class sprinting is truly awe-inspiring live.

Have a look at the replay and tell me if you don't think this is a serious run by a master of his event.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MPFN-B6SWXI
posted by jimmythefish at 5:12 PM on August 16, 2009


If you think this is fast, imagine how fast he'll be in ten more years, when the rules loosen up and he opts for those springy bionic prosthetics.
posted by rokusan at 5:15 PM on August 16, 2009


The really amazing thing about Bolt is he just looks like he is having fun, while all the other runners around him look so serious and determined. It's like he is playing, while they are working.

If he turns out to be doping, it would be a truly terrible situation for racing. The sport would eventually recover, but the loss of legitimacy would be terrible.
posted by Forktine at 6:04 PM on August 16, 2009


Nobody else did, and it's too good to pass up, so allow me to point and laugh at Afroblanco:

Hahahahahahaha.


Carry on.


I've got love, but damn that was funny.
posted by lazaruslong at 6:15 PM on August 16, 2009 [8 favorites]


I was a field assistant through 1976 - 1980 at was what at the time one of the major track and field events in the USA.

The runners would seem to go into a trance like state, slowing down more and more as the race approached. They would start to come out as their sweats came off and prepared to enter the blocks.

When the gun would sound they truly would explode from the blocks.

The 100m or at that time 100yd dash was at field level electrifying.

Bolt is amazing and until proven differently I am a fan of his.
posted by pianomover at 6:18 PM on August 16, 2009


No better name for the fastest man on earth.
Barry Allen would be good.
posted by tellurian at 6:24 PM on August 16, 2009


One of the reasons I love track & field so much is that in many ways it is the perfect sport. It doesn't require a lot of complex rules or equipment. It simply asks - who can run the fastest, throw the farthest, jump the highest. The human body is just about all you need.

What I saw today blew me away. I realize it may be sappy to be overcome with emotion while watching sport but sometimes it boggles my mind what the human body is capable of.
posted by Sandor Clegane at 6:27 PM on August 16, 2009 [1 favorite]


Nobody else did, and it's too good to pass up, so allow me to point and laugh at Afroblanco

I still don't understand his original remark. Can someone explain?
posted by grouse at 6:51 PM on August 16, 2009


Apparently Afroblanco thought the phrase "Usain Bolt" was "Usian Bolt" and was referring to someone named Bolt from the US. I assumed he was joking.
posted by null terminated at 6:58 PM on August 16, 2009


I still don't understand his original remark. Can someone explain?

He thought it was USian, a cheesy term for a (US) American.
posted by rokusan at 6:59 PM on August 16, 2009


The sport would eventually recover, but the loss of legitimacy would be terrible.

Based on how long it took for this thread to turn into a doping discussion, I don't think the sport has to worry about having legitimacy to lose right now.
posted by rokusan at 7:00 PM on August 16, 2009


knapah: The academic who supervised my undergraduate dissertation advocated legalisation of doping in sport because he believes it is impossible to prevent. Here's the article from the Guardian - "Faster, stronger, higher"

Thing is, this is already the status quo. Almost all endurance athletes are asthmatic, for example. Nobody even asks top athletes about their Therapeutic Use Exemptions.

jimmythefish: It's a common misconception that drugs will automatically help sprinters run fast in a direct way. Doping in endurance sport will help an individual performance by increasing oxygen processing capacity - drugs like EPO boost the blood's oxygen-carrying capacity by stimulating the production of red blood cells. Sprinting, however, isn't that simple.

I don't know.. For example, I've just been reading opinions about why Floyd Landis got caught. See, it seems that newly transfused blood doesn't work as well as previously circulating blood, and there is some thought that transfusions can actually 'go bad' sometimes. Anabolic steroids, however, can help to make newly transfused blood work better than it otherwise would. Theory is that Landis took an autologous blood transfusion the night before or morning of the stage that he bonked on. It went bad, he bonked, so they gave him a little too large a dose of steroids the next day. So, that is a little more complicated than EPO=good.

At the same time, for sprinters, stronger muscles and/or faster recovery does = good..

Personally, I think it is all very complicated.

jimmythefish: I really hope Bolt, Armstrong etc aren't on drugs.

With Kloden being implicated, we can amend the table of top five Tour finishers from 1999-2006.
Year              place
        1     2     3     4     5
2006    X    OP     X    CS    CE
2005   LA     X     X     X     X
2004   LA     X     X     X    JA
2003   LA     X     X     X    HZ
2002   LA     X     X    SB?    X
2001   LA     X     X     X     X
2000   LA     X     X     X     X
1999   LA     X    FE     X     X
posted by Chuckles at 7:07 PM on August 16, 2009


grouse: "I still don't understand his original remark. Can someone explain?"

I think Afro was jumping on the maligned use of "USAian" to mean "American", so as to differentiate South/Central Americans and Canadians. Unfortunately, he was unaware that Usain is Bolt's given forename, and didn't notice the slightly different spelling.

He perfectly proved why one should always resist the knee-jerk.
posted by benzo8 at 7:09 PM on August 16, 2009


Phenomenal run, phenomenal runner. Incredible quickness for a man of his size.

Also, where is the evidence that doping has negative long-term health consequences?
posted by taliaferro at 7:10 PM on August 16, 2009


Remember that sweet young thing who was taking the world - and gold medals - by storm? Butter wouldn't melt in her mouth.

Marion Jones, I think her name was.

I'm leaning towards him being on the gear. I hope I'm wrong.
posted by uncanny hengeman at 7:14 PM on August 16, 2009


Slight tangent here. Acne and jaw growth are symptoms of certain performance enhancing drugs.

So if you see an athlete well into adulthood with zits and, say, braces on their lower teeth...

...not looking at you Carl Lewis, Leroy Burrell.

And have ya ever wondered why FloJo had that running suit with on leg completely covered? Do you think she might have been hiding something? ;)
posted by uncanny hengeman at 7:19 PM on August 16, 2009


Countdown to doping scandal in 5, 4, 3, 2, . . . .

Fuck that shit.

Usain Bolt is fucking awesome. God damn that dude can run like a fucking running machine.
posted by chunking express at 7:22 PM on August 16, 2009


Acting indignant about aspersions cast on Bolt's performance = Acting indignant about aspersions cast that boxing might be somehow a bit crooked.

I really hope I'm wrong. But there's just been too many cheating dickheads in the last 35 years. A lot of them Olympic gold medallist world record holding cheating dickheads.
posted by uncanny hengeman at 7:30 PM on August 16, 2009


He perfectly proved why one should always resist the knee-jerk.

I thought he proved why we should have [Delete My Own Comment].
posted by rokusan at 7:35 PM on August 16, 2009


I've been watching Youtube links of this sprint going around the net all day. And you know what? Not a single one is in English. Dutch, Italian (I think), etc. No English. That makes me happy somehow. Thanks, Internet!
posted by Nelson at 7:36 PM on August 16, 2009 [1 favorite]


Not a record gets set anymore by anyone without a scandal. Our sporting culture is in freefall.

Bolt is an amazing athlete and a fascinating person. I want this to be clean because he deserves a clean win.

I'm just expressing defensive cynicim.
posted by fourcheesemac at 7:37 PM on August 16, 2009


Metafilter: Defensive cynicism
posted by Camofrog at 8:02 PM on August 16, 2009 [1 favorite]


Metafilter: Defensive cynicism.

Usain Bolt is a cheating piece of shit. There. You happy?
posted by uncanny hengeman at 8:07 PM on August 16, 2009


He covers 100 meters in 40 or 41 gargantuan strides

I guess I was counting a stride as 'right leg extends out, moves backward and extends out again'. I think ESPN counts a stride as something like 'right leg, left leg'. Using that metric, I would have counted 36 between changing camera angles and such. Still, that is a long stride.
posted by kuujjuarapik at 8:13 PM on August 16, 2009


Afroblanco: that's a name, not an adjective, he is Jamaican.

HAH! Okay, I'm an idiot. Carry on.


That comment got, like 9 favorites. So either people are really happy to see someone humble enough to admit that they're wrong, or only 9 people on this site think that I'm an idiot. I guess either way I win.

Actually, that much should be self-evident, since everybody knows we can trade favorites in for valuable prizes. Seriously, you guys just brought me 9 favorites closer to buying a Garfield phone. Although I guess if I get impatient, I can just binge and blow it all on spider rings and Chinese finger traps.
posted by Afroblanco at 8:27 PM on August 16, 2009 [12 favorites]


Usain Bolt is a cheating piece of shit. There. You happy?


I don't think you really mean that.
posted by Camofrog at 8:28 PM on August 16, 2009




I don't think you really mean that.

No, I don't. But I see your point about defensive cynicism, so I thought I'd have a bet each way.

FWIW, I'm for legalisation of drugs if you want a level playing field. Prohibition is not working.

A lot of idiots are going to have major health problems not long after retirement, but as my friend once said: "If there is an Olympic event to see how quickly you can chop off all 10 of your fingers, and people are stupid enough to try and win it..."

Damned if you do damned if you don't, basically.

posted by uncanny hengeman at 8:44 PM on August 16, 2009


"You sound ignorant when you do that."

humble
posted by sloe at 8:54 PM on August 16, 2009


He thought it was USian, a cheesy term for a (US) American.

I personally believe that U.S. Americans are unable to do so because, uh, some people out there in our nation don't have maps....
posted by That takes balls. at 9:00 PM on August 16, 2009 [2 favorites]


Okay, sloe, I'm so fucking sorry that I'll wash your fucking car and give you handjobs while I do it.

Happy now?
posted by Afroblanco at 9:00 PM on August 16, 2009 [3 favorites]


Okay, sloe, I'm so fucking sorry that I'll wash your fucking car and give you handjobs while I do it.

Car washes and handjobs? Wow, remind me to never always get in a fight with Afroblanco.
posted by infinitywaltz at 9:03 PM on August 16, 2009 [7 favorites]


Somehow I doubt how effectively a man giving more than one handjob could wash a car
posted by tehloki at 9:04 PM on August 16, 2009 [10 favorites]


I would pay good money to see that
posted by The Whelk at 9:07 PM on August 16, 2009 [3 favorites]


Popcorn too.
posted by The Whelk at 9:07 PM on August 16, 2009 [1 favorite]


So either people are really happy to see someone humble enough to admit that they're wrong...

That was it, for me.

That little [+] is the closest thing we have to "Aww, let me buy you a drink."
posted by rokusan at 9:11 PM on August 16, 2009


Remember that sweet young thing who was taking the world - and gold medals - by storm? Butter wouldn't melt in her mouth.

Carl Lewis?

I really hope I'm wrong. But there's just been too many cheating dickheads in the last 35 years. A lot of them Olympic gold medallist world record holding cheating dickheads.

Yeah, but most of them have been from countries with the heft to have suspect results supressed. See also: Carl Lewis.
posted by rodgerd at 9:12 PM on August 16, 2009


Somehow I doubt how effectively a man giving more than one handjob could wash a car

Attache the sponge to the nose.

Or a few feet lower.
posted by rodgerd at 9:13 PM on August 16, 2009 [1 favorite]


I think of them more like a fraction of a handjob.
posted by The Whelk at 9:13 PM on August 16, 2009 [2 favorites]


Somehow I doubt how effectively a man giving more than one handjob could wash a car.

It's all in the hips.
posted by rokusan at 9:14 PM on August 16, 2009 [6 favorites]


Yeah, but most of them have been from countries with the heft to have suspect results suppressed. See also: Carl Lewis.

See also: FloJo. Who died very young from an "ailment" that known steroid users suffer from.

Gotta say I loved the FloJo and the whole marketing thing that went with her. What a champion. I used to believe in things, too.
posted by uncanny hengeman at 9:23 PM on August 16, 2009


Somehow I doubt how effectively a man giving more than one handjob could wash a car

Is that a challenge?
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 9:31 PM on August 16, 2009 [6 favorites]


Somehow I doubt how effectively a man giving more than one handjob could wash a car

Is that a challenge?

and you have to do it in under 9.58s
posted by nadawi at 9:34 PM on August 16, 2009 [3 favorites]


I've got the handjobber here
is name is real sincere
Afrobanco is a real done deal

Got the winner pat
It's nuthin' jack
By the time the bell gone struck
It's gonna be Blazecock Pile-on.

Can Do.

Can Do.

Tellin' you the Guy can do.

Can do.
posted by The Whelk at 9:35 PM on August 16, 2009 [3 favorites]


With his height and long stride he makes it look so easy.
I know these days there is always a cloud of suspicion when an athlete breaks a record like this. But if he happens to be mixing drugs or doping in some really unique way he certainly is doing it better than anyone ever has. I mean no matter what, the dude is freakin' fast and no one has ever been recorded faster in the 100m.

I'll consider him a completely innocent, hard working athlete until proven otherwise.
posted by Rashomon at 9:39 PM on August 16, 2009


and you have to do it in under 9.58s

Just let me get my little scrub brush.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 9:56 PM on August 16, 2009 [3 favorites]


The handjob carwash riff made me literally laugh out loud. Afroblanco, it was a good natured ribbing directed your way. If it makes you feel any better, I have one wicked painful zit near my nose. Her name is Judy.
posted by lazaruslong at 9:58 PM on August 16, 2009 [1 favorite]


I've always felt like "fastest man alive" and "Undisputed Heavyweight Champion" were the two best titles in sport.

Call me naive, but it seems to me that after that Olympic performance, where he set the world record, and beat the entire field by a wide margin while pretty much walking across the finish line, if there was even a hint of foul play we would have heard something by now.Plus, you ever notice how all the guys who do get caught doping are always kind of assholes anyway?

Until someone proves otherwise, I'm going to stick with my "bitten by a radioactive cheetah" explanation.
posted by billyfleetwood at 10:00 PM on August 16, 2009 [1 favorite]


rokusan: "He perfectly proved why one should always resist the knee-jerk.

I thought he proved why we should have [Delete My Own Comment].
"

Well, I guess if you can't resist the knee-jerk, the next best thing is a tissue to clean up the mess with afterwards.

Pony Request: We need tissues!
posted by benzo8 at 10:06 PM on August 16, 2009 [1 favorite]


Blazecock Pileon: "and you have to do it in under 9.58s

Just let me get my little scrub brush.
"

we are watching history in the making
posted by boo_radley at 10:32 PM on August 16, 2009 [2 favorites]


Plus, you ever notice how all the guys who do get caught doping are always kind of assholes anyway?

An uncontrollably aggressive personality is a side effect of steroid abuse.
posted by rokusan at 10:41 PM on August 16, 2009


we are watching history in the making

Just wait until the dope scandal.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 10:43 PM on August 16, 2009 [2 favorites]


Well, but if you look at him next to the other runners in that line in the video -- they all look like bodybuilders, with huge, carefully-honed muscles.

I think you're seeing it wrong. Compare this photo of Bolt to Tyson Gay's wikipedia photo -- their arms and shoulders are pretty comparable. But Bolt is a half-foot taller. And neither one's anywhere near being a body-builder; compare to this.
posted by creasy boy at 10:54 PM on August 16, 2009


Plus, you ever notice how all the guys who do get caught doping are always kind of assholes anyway?

An uncontrollably aggressive personality is a side effect of steroid abuse.


Marion Jones was a very lovely lady. Or doesn't it count coz she's a chick?

Plenty of non-steroid performance enhancing drugs, too. eg. Growth hormone.

I always wondered why a lot of good sprinters had BIG GUNS. Prof at uni said it was to balance their awesomely powerful legs.
posted by uncanny hengeman at 10:58 PM on August 16, 2009


An uncontrollably aggressive personality is a side effect of steroid abuse.

It's also a side effect of being an asshole, but I don't have a citation for that either so we'll call it even.

Really If you think about it, the abuse of steroids is in some way spurred on by a need of some sort. Needing to win, needing to get bigger, needing to be stronger, and on and on. If you look at those needs they are expressive types of needs that tend to have uncontrollable aggressive personalities congregate around them. So as far as testosterone increasing aggression? I suppose, but as far as steroids turning people into psychopathic homicidal maniacs? I think you're looking at a chicken and egg conundrum there as far as what the hell was the person like before taking steroids?
posted by P.o.B. at 11:32 PM on August 16, 2009


I was going to say something like that, PoB. I know of guys on the juice who didn't become assholes. Just did a few courses for shits'n'giggles, as it were.
posted by uncanny hengeman at 11:44 PM on August 16, 2009


Incase it hasn't already been posted, here's a much better HD quality video.

It's just amazing how after about half-way through he just picks up like a rocket. And I think even in this race, he did ease a bit to look at the timer on to left. The last two or three paces or so. So yeah, this guy still has a lot left in his tank. Fantastic feat/feet!
posted by forwebsites at 11:58 PM on August 16, 2009 [1 favorite]


There is a "famous" photo probably from the late 80s early 90s that did the rounds at my faculty when I was studying biomechanics / physiology type units. Possibly from the USA Olympic selection trials.

A long jumper [triple jumper?] had just completed his takeoff stride and his whole lower leg had basically MOTHERFUCKEN EXPLODED!

Excuse the language, but that's the only way to describe it. Bone and blood everywhere.

That's what's gonna happen to Usain one day, heh heh. He's gonna explode.
posted by uncanny hengeman at 12:15 AM on August 17, 2009


I laughed at the end of the race when the beefy white photographer was running his ass off trying to get ahead of Bolt to get the shot.
posted by bwg at 1:00 AM on August 17, 2009 [6 favorites]


That was awesome to watch.

I think I've hit on something about myself. I read about these people who out-and-out assume that people like this are doping or whatever, probably for good reason. I think I prefer to be amazed, and then disappointed when (if) they're found to have cheated*, or that their record turns out to be because of their shorts**, or something, rather than be cynical from the start. Because shit like this is awesome to watch.

*Because, seriously, "steroids" are rarely actual steroids and are usually something that lets them heal faster and train harder. They shouldn't be taking them, but jeez. At least we could take side effects and training regimens into account on this stuff.

**I live in Florida. I know shorts are important.
posted by dirigibleman at 1:03 AM on August 17, 2009


I suppose, but as far as steroids turning people into psychopathic homicidal maniacs?

Yeah, you're probably right there's a chicken-egg problem there. Aggressive hypercompetitive assholes are more likely to take steroids, which enhance their aggressive hypercompetitive assholiness, and so on. (Fraternities, I guess, either attract or produce jerks.)

The good news is that apparently, a lot of those drugs destroy one's child-creatin' parts, so at least they aren't passing it on much.

And once their bits stop working, they can probably still give pretty good carwash.
posted by rokusan at 1:18 AM on August 17, 2009


And for the record, I'm the most cynical of cynical bastards, but I hadn't even considered Bolt as a possible drug user until this thread. Now I'm all sad.
posted by rokusan at 1:20 AM on August 17, 2009


I always wondered why a lot of good sprinters had BIG GUNS.

It's hard to strictly isolate your legs when you're lifting weights. These guys are probably doing barbell deadlifts and cleans, which will make your upper body stronger too. I don't know whether they specifically train their arms as well, but I know last week I was sprinting up a hill a couple of times and I got a cramp in my shoulder. You do drive forward with your arms when sprinting.
posted by creasy boy at 1:40 AM on August 17, 2009


I hadn't even considered Bolt as a possible drug user until this thread

Yeah, I have no clue whether he's juiced or not but personally that really wouldn't surprise me. I know it's a dismissive cliché to say that you don't no what drugs are about unless you've been around them in one way or another, but I think it's apt to include steroids in light of the general incorrect assumptions that surround them. Especially if you end up on the sports side of health and fitness, hanging out amongst strength and fitness coaches you can begin to see and hear some of what goes on in the upper levels. If they did testing, real testing, across the board for anything college level or beyond I wouldn't be surprised at all if they found at least two thirds of the athletes on some kind of (illegal) performance enhancer.
posted by P.o.B. at 2:10 AM on August 17, 2009


What I love about watching the slo-mo replay of Bolt is that the guy looks like he's just taking a jog in the park. Awesome.

Kinda sad that pretty much anyone who breaks a record in any sport these days is assumed to be a drug cheat though.
posted by wingless_angel at 3:23 AM on August 17, 2009


A long jumper [triple jumper?] had just completed his takeoff stride and his whole lower leg had basically MOTHERFUCKEN EXPLODED!

Forgive my scepticism, but can anyone else confirm this?

I know electroshock treatment could cause overstimulated muscles to fracture bones, but overexertion-caused bursting limbs does seem unlikely.
posted by Kiwi at 3:48 AM on August 17, 2009


Why and how does the world record drop over each year/decade? Is it better training, better diet, better equipment?
posted by mippy at 4:22 AM on August 17, 2009


Did BP win? Handjob events are always at a shitty time for us east coasters, and I can't find the results anywhere.
posted by gman at 4:26 AM on August 17, 2009 [1 favorite]


He must turn into a different person before a race, as he was very quiet and reserved when he was a guest on Top Gear...

Truly amazing run. Not a bad drive either:

1 minute 46.5 seconds. Usain's aforementioned interview / lap in a reasonably priced car.

Strikes me as a likeable enough fella.
posted by n o i s e s at 4:38 AM on August 17, 2009


the Jamaican federation

"'Ey, raise up, bredren! I&I be detectin' Babylon 20,000 kilometers offa de starboard bow, seen! Ready photon torpedoes, a fi blaze a fire on dem bumboclot!"

(sorry)
posted by DecemberBoy at 5:02 AM on August 17, 2009 [6 favorites]


He's way taller than most other sprinters and that gives him this massive stride.
actually his height is also a disadvantage at this distance: it's much tougher for such a tall person (he is 6"5) to get up out of the starting position and into his stride than it would be for someone of average height like tyson gay. bolt is just fucking fast.

I am thrilled by this performance. it's unbelievable to an average runner like myself.
posted by krautland at 5:12 AM on August 17, 2009


That was absolutely amazing.
posted by defenestration at 5:45 AM on August 17, 2009


Thing is, this is already the status quo. Almost all endurance athletes are asthmatic, for example. Nobody even asks top athletes about their Therapeutic Use Exemptions

It's not endurance, but there was just recently an article about Nick Green of the Red Sox on how much a pain in the arse it is for him to get a TUE for his ADD medicine. So much so that he went without it until it became clear it was hurting his performance.
posted by Dr.Enormous at 6:03 AM on August 17, 2009


9.58s : Usain Bolt sets a new 100m World Record

Didn't we already have this argument? Besides, I think Bolt is Jamaican not American/USain anyway.
posted by Pollomacho at 6:04 AM on August 17, 2009


Didn't we already have this argument? Besides, I think Bolt is Jamaican not American/USain anyway.

I can tell who didn't read all the posts in the thread...
posted by Forktine at 6:11 AM on August 17, 2009


I can tell who didn't read all the posts in the thread...

Guilty. At least I was being a smartass.
posted by Pollomacho at 6:17 AM on August 17, 2009


Incidentally, 100 meters in 9.58 seconds means he was averaging 23.35 miles per hour. Averaging. So we can assume he finished the race moving at probably something like 30 mph. This dude can run thirty fucking miles an hour.
posted by rusty at 6:32 AM on August 17, 2009 [1 favorite]


Bolt's height may be a hindrance coming out of the blocks, but his inhumanly long stride, courtesy of that 6'5" frame, is the key to his speed. He would be a run-of-the-mill handsome charismatic sub-10 sec. 100m national champ if he was 6' even.
posted by Mister_A at 6:49 AM on August 17, 2009


Jamaican us short people look bad.
posted by gman at 6:52 AM on August 17, 2009 [1 favorite]


Jamaica good case for restrictions on puns, gman.
posted by Mister_A at 6:54 AM on August 17, 2009 [1 favorite]


Why and how does the world record drop over each year/decade? Is it better training, better diet, better equipment?

All that -- people are bigger and stronger now -- plus this: people race against the existing record and the people in the other lanes instead of trying to hit a theoretical limit, so they edge the record down every year instead of going for the ultimate time, which looks like it will be somewhere around 9.45 to 9.48 seconds.

Maybe they ought to run against a mechanical hare like the dogs at the race track. Set the hare for 9.45, offer a pile of gold to the guy who beats it without doping, and see what happens to times.

As for doping: it's supposed to be a competition between runners, not chemists. If one guy dopes, all other runners have to give up running or risk their health and start doping. Ban and scorn and fine all dopers and their enablers for making everyone doubt the worth of all honest athletes and coaches. Wipe their names from the record books.
posted by pracowity at 7:02 AM on August 17, 2009


I used to be a sprinter. Nowhere near Bolt's abilities... I sometimes doubt we're from the same solar system. Anyway, the thing I wanted to say was, (at least in my experience) running fast is the easy part, but the accelerating is a bitch.

And I love looking at Bolt, the way his stride goes from this almost wide gate to this legs-close-together, narrow, efficient beast... It's like watching a cowboy that's just gotten off his horse transform into some beautiful wild animal running on the Serengeti. He is simply a gorgeous runner.
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 7:14 AM on August 17, 2009


pracowity - what do you mean by 'the ultimate time' - that people are aiming purely to beat the record rather than get the best time possible?
posted by mippy at 7:43 AM on August 17, 2009


Car washes and handjobs? Wow, remind me to never always get in a fight with Afroblanco.

what do I get for pointing out that he wrote "recrod" instead of "record" in his quote?
posted by nomisxid at 7:46 AM on August 17, 2009


Cheetahs live in Iran, too Burhanistan. You can follow them on Twitter, natch.
posted by Mister_A at 7:57 AM on August 17, 2009


Usain Bolt sets a new 100m World Record

Contrary to what you assert, the record was not set by a computer-animated dog from a Disney movie.
posted by brain_drain at 8:13 AM on August 17, 2009


Might want to go easy on the comparisons to wild African animals.

Was it really necessary to introduce racism into the discussion? Could you not wait until someone actually said something racist?
posted by five fresh fish at 8:32 AM on August 17, 2009 [3 favorites]


THIS WHOLE THREAD IS ABOUT RACE.

Morans, amirite?
posted by Mister_A at 8:39 AM on August 17, 2009 [3 favorites]


Why and how does the world record drop over each year/decade? Is it better training, better diet, better equipment?

I was talking to a friend about this yesterday in fact. The obvious answer is that there is better training, better nutrition, better understanding of how the human body works, etc. But why don't we see records broken as often in other sports? The best answer we could come up with is that in individual sports like track or swimming the athletes are just battling themselves (and the existing record). So any increase in nutrition or training techniques will make an impact on the fastest times.

In the case of sports like basketball and football individual achievement has to do battle with members of the other team who are also bigger, faster and stronger. Any increase in your own training is met with an equal increase in training by the opposing team. I doubt we'll ever see anyone break Wilt Chamberlain's record of 100 points in a game simply because it would be hard to imagine someone who could physically outmatch the modern NBA player in the same way.
posted by Sandor Clegane at 8:50 AM on August 17, 2009 [2 favorites]


what do I get for pointing out that he wrote "recrod" instead of "record" in his quote?

That's actually how it appeared in the post originally, before cortex fixed it.
posted by Afroblanco at 8:53 AM on August 17, 2009


Mr. Bolt is legit. Great race. Mr. Gay ran a 9.71 and lost. That is the definition of frustrating. I think Bolt's best case for not being a doper besides the presumption of innocence is that he has been doing it better than anyone else since childhood. He did not come along and just start winning races. He has been kicking ass since his grade school days.
posted by JohnnyGunn at 8:55 AM on August 17, 2009


I laughed at the end of the race when the beefy white photographer was running his ass off trying to get ahead of Bolt to get the shot.

So did someone else.
posted by afx237vi at 9:03 AM on August 17, 2009 [1 favorite]


THIS WHOLE THREAD IS ABOUT RACE.

Mr. Gay ran a 9.71 and lost. That is the definition of frustrating.


Can't we talk about anything around here without it degenrating into talking about race or Gays? I'm surprised no one has complained that there weren't any women in that event!
posted by Pollomacho at 10:56 AM on August 17, 2009 [1 favorite]


This thread has also degenerated into beefy-ism and photographism. What's next, pulsing-sewer-organismism?

*cuts off someone else's right hand*
posted by Mister_A at 12:07 PM on August 17, 2009


That gentleman certainly can run quickly.
posted by everichon at 12:40 PM on August 17, 2009


I suppose, but as far as steroids turning people into psychopathic homicidal maniacs?

Yeah, you're probably right there's a chicken-egg problem there. Aggressive hypercompetitive assholes are more likely to take steroids, which enhance their aggressive hypercompetitive assholiness, and so on. (Fraternities, I guess, either attract or produce jerks.)


I wouldn't discount the possible effects of steroids on behaviour. A family member of mine was put on some pretty high doses of steroid for a while, and it really did a number on her -- she became incredibly moody, flew into rages at the tiniest things and was generally behaving like an asshole when normally she is no such thing. It was hard for everyone to deal with, and really made me wonder at how much of our behaviour is an accident of our internal chemistry.
posted by emeiji at 2:03 PM on August 17, 2009


My track-and-field loving boss pointed something out to me about Bolt and why he doesn't think he's on PEDs:

At 15, he ran the 200m in 20 seconds. That's otherworldly for that age.
posted by dw at 2:05 PM on August 17, 2009


You used to word racism, dude.

Try not to add "transparently disingenious horseshit" to "racism threadshitting".

Is it better training, better diet, better equipment?

All of the above. The Australian governments (federal and state), for example, pour huge amounts of money - a sizable propotion of their defence budget, IIRC - into their various high performance programs for athletes; I used to work with a guy who'd been a talented powerlifter. Kids are identified young, pushed into special programs, diet, training regimes, you name it.

The tools available are phenominal, too. You can have multiple cameras tracking a swimmer down the length of the pool and automagically comparing their strokes to ideal profiles in real time to build up a program of subtle tweaks to their swimming style to optimise performance; you can store all the training sessions and pull them up to see how well the regime is working.

A lot of it trickles down; hell, my judo club occasionally brings in a video camera so our more serious competitors can check out their own techniques after the fact and look for weaknesses.
posted by rodgerd at 2:18 PM on August 17, 2009


Apparently Radio 5 in the UK is reporting that a competitor in the 100m final has failed a drugs test. I can't find any further details at the moment, but it will be interesting to see how this pans out. I certainly hope it's not Bolt.
posted by MrMustard at 2:19 PM on August 17, 2009


Don't pull a Ben Johnson, Usian!
posted by five fresh fish at 3:35 PM on August 17, 2009


My track-and-field loving boss pointed something out to me about Bolt and why he doesn't think he's on PEDs: At 15, he ran the 200m in 20 seconds. That's otherworldly for that age.

Not that I think Bolt is a doper, but it's not uncommon for doping to start that young. Many people believe the Italian cyclist Riccardo Ricco was doping from 15 years old (apparently he used to boast about it). Genevieve Jeanson was also doping at 15. The youngest person to test to test positive for EPO was 16.
posted by afx237vi at 4:02 PM on August 17, 2009


Did BP win? Handjob events are always at a shitty time for us east coasters, and I can't find the results anywhere.

I jumped the starter's gun on the 100 mL undercarriage waxing stage and got disqualified. A little too eager, there. But we still have the lintless fluffing and knob polishing events to go, and Coach says I should do well there.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 5:03 PM on August 17, 2009


and Coach says I should do well there.

*opens mouth, re-thinks a second, closes mouth*
posted by The Whelk at 5:06 PM on August 17, 2009 [1 favorite]


*opens mouth, re-thinks a second, closes mouth*

A fellow Olympian!
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 5:26 PM on August 17, 2009 [1 favorite]


Might want to go easy on the comparisons to wild African animals.

Why the Hell not? For a sprinter, being compared to a cheetah is the ultimate compliment.

Moreover, when I hear the word 'cheetah' the first place I think of is Africa; I didn't know they are found elsewhere.

If North American raccoons were the fastest, we'd be likening Bolt to them.
posted by bwg at 5:34 PM on August 17, 2009


I wouldn't discount the possible effects of steroids on behaviour.

I'm not, but I am dismissive of the hysterics that are generally associated with these drugs. What kinds of steroids was she administered? There is a whole spectrum of drugs that falls under that guise and some are worlds apart from what some competitive athletes take. "Roid Rage" is a handy little news item though, isn't it?
For some reason people seem to have the idea that these drugs are akin to what Bane shoots himself up with.
posted by P.o.B. at 6:35 PM on August 17, 2009


I'm not, but I am dismissive of the hysterics that are generally associated with these drugs. What kinds of steroids was she administered? There is a whole spectrum of drugs that falls under that guise and some are worlds apart from what some competitive athletes take. "Roid Rage" is a handy little news item though, isn't it?

Yeah, it's a sensational headline.

She was on prednisone, which is a corticosteroid and not an anabolic steroid. But any drug that can mess with your hormones can cause some behavioural effects.

I think ever since that episode I am much more forgiving of assholes.
posted by emeiji at 9:28 PM on August 17, 2009


Why the Hell not? For a sprinter, being compared to a cheetah is the ultimate compliment.

I cheetah all the time!
posted by emeiji at 9:29 PM on August 17, 2009


Might want to go easy on the comparisons to wild African animals.

This is the kind of accusatory comment which reveals racism in the accuser, and leaves everyone else going "WTF dude."

Damn, I've been gone a while. I'm rebutting a goddamn 47Ker.
posted by scarabic at 11:12 PM on August 17, 2009


Not nearly as gauche as to imply another user is using racist language
posted by five fresh fish at 11:33 PM on August 17, 2009


Burhanistan, I gotta say, this thread was full of pure admiration for Mr. Bolt until you showed up with your racism and smeared it all over the channel. In this case, it's all you. Nobody gave a rat's ass what color he was. I don't think it even crossed anyone's mind, judging from the tenor of the comments before yours.

There aren't that many notably fast animals in the world, and most of them are in the Serengeti. But if he'd used the image of a galloping horse, I suspect your post would have consisted of, "Might want to go easy on the comparisons to beasts of burden."

The racism is yours, not his.
posted by Malor at 12:13 AM on August 18, 2009


eat shit

Is that a reference to pica? How could you be so culturally insensitive?

rakes muck
posted by Pollomacho at 6:39 AM on August 18, 2009


Only a picaist would automatically assume that eating shit could only apply to someone with pica. I'M USED TO BEING SILENCED ALL MY LIFE BUT I DON'T HAVE PICA AND THE SHIT AIN'T EVEN MINE OCIFFER
posted by Joseph Gurl at 7:22 AM on August 18, 2009


Wow, Jamaica must be so proud, nobody was even close...
posted by idiopath at 3:31 PM on August 20, 2009


Oh, get bent will ya? I didn't say anyone was rascist, but that the comparison might not seem too proper.

Good gravy!

I thought you were joking.
posted by uncanny hengeman at 6:09 PM on August 20, 2009


Irony just ain't what it used to be.
posted by five fresh fish at 6:33 PM on August 20, 2009


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