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Fashion backward
August 21, 2009 6:33 AM   Subscribe

You'll have all eyes on you with Winkers! (SLYT)
posted by ssmith (51 comments total)

 
In before winked out of existence!
posted by Brocktoon at 6:35 AM on August 21, 2009


I don't think it's such a great idea to have ACTION printed on your butt.
posted by Dr-Baa at 6:37 AM on August 21, 2009


Man, I wish I was that serious about my synthesizer music.
posted by robocop is bleeding at 6:38 AM on August 21, 2009 [2 favorites]


I go on for a while thinking it's all been done and nothing will surprise me, and it's never true.
posted by dirtdirt at 6:39 AM on August 21, 2009 [3 favorites]


wasn't this one deleted yesterday already?
posted by Think_Long at 6:42 AM on August 21, 2009


Double
posted by Chocolate Pickle at 6:44 AM on August 21, 2009


didn't this get deleted?
posted by modernnomad at 6:45 AM on August 21, 2009


unsubscribe
posted by DU at 6:47 AM on August 21, 2009 [2 favorites]


didn't this get deleted?

It got hoodwinked.
posted by Dr-Baa at 6:48 AM on August 21, 2009 [1 favorite]


I don't think it's such a great idea to have ACTION printed on your butt.

How about PINK or JUICY?
posted by geos at 6:49 AM on August 21, 2009 [1 favorite]


Yeah, this was deleted before, for essentially being LOLFATTIES. This post, however, brings us the as yet unused tag "myanacondadontwantnoneunlessyougotbunshun."
posted by ocherdraco at 6:51 AM on August 21, 2009 [1 favorite]


And only $569.00!
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 6:52 AM on August 21, 2009


Triple
posted by teraflop at 6:53 AM on August 21, 2009


Why is this a lolfatties post? It's a fashion faux pas in the worst way, but it's some of the only fashion I've seen which is designed to work with the bodies of "back-carrying" females, and even to draw the attention of their admirers. It's better than seeing "slutty" or something appliqued across the ass of someone's pajama bottoms, which seems to be the other strategy designers are using these days to help men's eyes find the buttocks of females in a crowd.

(Seriously, do straight men need help directing their eyes toward the body parts of women? Or are all the words and Winkers and such just a form of license for them to stare longer than might be socially appropriate in public?)
posted by hippybear at 6:57 AM on August 21, 2009


Why is this a lolfatties post?

This time around it lacks that framing, and it seems like this is The Weird Thing On The Internet Right Now and is gonna get posted no matter what, so, hey, get your anthropomorphic pants on I guess.
posted by cortex at 7:07 AM on August 21, 2009 [1 favorite]


Oh, Onion.
posted by That takes balls. at 7:10 AM on August 21, 2009


Finkers
posted by netbros at 7:29 AM on August 21, 2009


I want to say hi before this is deleted! Hi mom!
posted by joelf at 7:29 AM on August 21, 2009 [2 favorites]


Yes yes let's do this! Fer cryin' out loud, I made one little joke, and the poor Winkers suffered multiple deletions. Please let us have this irresistible snark magnet just once.
posted by fungible at 7:40 AM on August 21, 2009


Pepsi pants
posted by Balisong at 7:46 AM on August 21, 2009


Even though I'm attracted to BBWs, this is about as subtle and attractive as a codpiece. Although I guess it could serve as a conversation starter: "Hi! Can you tell me why it's important for you to have seagulls biting your buttocks when you walk?"
posted by Bernt Pancreas at 7:54 AM on August 21, 2009


To reiterate: LOLFATTIEZ and yeah, no, let's not do this.
posted by rusty at 7:56 AM on August 21, 2009


Also:
HURF DURF WINKER WEARER
posted by Bernt Pancreas at 8:02 AM on August 21, 2009 [1 favorite]


Needs a Pac Man version and a time machine set to about 1981.
posted by loquacious at 8:08 AM on August 21, 2009 [2 favorites]


What's with the cheesy corporate training video soundtrack?
posted by Burhanistan at 8:12 AM on August 21, 2009


I made a comment in the earlier one right as the delete-switch was flicked.

as I recall, I could not decide which was funnier, the pants or the patent pending.
posted by dabitch at 8:16 AM on August 21, 2009


I just signed a contract to start making "Winksers" in a Macao sweatshop and sell for $29.95. Pwnd!
posted by Brocktoon at 8:27 AM on August 21, 2009


I don't know that this is so much "lolfatties" as "lolwhatafuckingfooliamforwearingthese"

I can always lose weight, but I can't buy intelligence...
posted by HuronBob at 8:28 AM on August 21, 2009


I just wanted to come in here and say that I am very glad I got to see this.
posted by six-or-six-thirty at 8:30 AM on August 21, 2009


The price isn't so high if you think of these as like the decoy eyes that many fish and caterpillars use to foil predators.
posted by Burhanistan at 8:45 AM on August 21, 2009 [4 favorites]


"Patent Pending". Oh man I can't WAIT to read the application for that one!

("Now let me get this straight... you're talking about a pair of pants with a 'design' that requires repetitive butt cheek pinching in order to work? Have I got that right?"... Um... okey dokey... HEY BOB! WHERE'D YOU PUT THAT 'REJECTED' STAMP... THE BIG ONE? WITH THE RED INK? CAN YOU BRING IT OVER TO MY DESK?... FAST?!")
posted by Mike D at 8:47 AM on August 21, 2009


As soon as I saw the clapperboard I yelled out "CUT!"
posted by orme at 8:54 AM on August 21, 2009


Didn't see any fatties in this video.
posted by scrowdid at 9:11 AM on August 21, 2009


;-(
posted by punkfloyd at 9:19 AM on August 21, 2009


Again?
posted by blaneyphoto at 9:31 AM on August 21, 2009


Someone, somewhere thinks this idea is going to enable them to quit their day job. Don't do it.
posted by digsrus at 9:32 AM on August 21, 2009


Well, wasn't that something!
posted by genefinder at 9:56 AM on August 21, 2009


Finally, something to match the shirt!

(meta}{filter)
posted by CynicalKnight at 10:00 AM on August 21, 2009


Joelf: I want to say hi before this is deleted! Hi mom!

I just wanted to say hi to Joelf's mom before this was deleted! Hi Joelf's mom!
posted by Skygazer at 10:08 AM on August 21, 2009 [3 favorites]


The price isn't so high if you think of these as like the decoy eyes that many fish and caterpillars use to foil predators.

I totally thought that, too! There's something so.... hypnotic... about it. I fear that should I see someone wearing these, I would follow them to my doom a la Pied Piper of Hamelin.
posted by Lush at 10:27 AM on August 21, 2009


Something tells me that I'm bound to see these here on the street within a calendar year.
posted by kuujjuarapik at 10:28 AM on August 21, 2009


Some threads are more fun to read without having clicked the links. I suspect this thread is one of them.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 10:57 AM on August 21, 2009 [1 favorite]


An original idea is not the same thing as a good idea.
posted by chairface at 12:06 PM on August 21, 2009


A fine ass never requires accessorizing.
posted by Skygazer at 2:05 PM on August 21, 2009


Finally, pants that can bring back 1995 web aesthetics!
posted by TwelveTwo at 2:35 PM on August 21, 2009


OMG! That's exactly what it is -- an animated gif you wear around town! Oh jeez. I can NEVER watch that video again the same way!
posted by hippybear at 4:43 PM on August 21, 2009


Hi B*b!
posted by sneebler at 8:47 PM on August 21, 2009


Talk about mud flaps, my girl's got 'em.
posted by Henry C. Mabuse at 11:43 PM on August 21, 2009 [1 favorite]


Somebody needs to run that video backwards and replace the synthesizer music with horrified screams.

------------------------------

My best guesses for the inspiration of these pants:

"It took decades on a couch eating Cheetos to get my @ss cheaks that large; you're damn right I want to call more attention to them!"

"No, of course not. People aren't pointing and laughing at your butt cheeks because they're gigantic. They're pointing at laughing at your clever winking pants!"

Le Voyage de Babar
(they wear grass skirts, paint eyes on their bottoms, and pretend they're monsters to scare off people)
posted by Davenhill at 12:48 AM on August 22, 2009


in before deletion
posted by HyperBlue at 11:00 AM on August 22, 2009


When I saw the clapboards, my brain briefly went "man, that's brilliant! You can use these for more than just eyes!" and then the rest of my brain went "dude, she has movie clapboards on her ass for no good reason."

The cougar-or-something face that has eyes that don't actually close is incredible mesmerizing, as the face constantly does this sort of combination of fury and incredulity. Also the '80s corporate training/safety video music is just phenomenal.

I must admit, not taking into account the fact that the eyes won't stay level caused my initial reaction to the first pair of Winkers™ to be "HEYYYY YOUUUU GUYYYYYS."

This video gets better and better each time I watch it. This is just… such an awful idea that it becomes awesome, and then awful again.
posted by DoctorFedora at 6:15 PM on August 22, 2009


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