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West Hollywood Side Story
August 21, 2009 9:31 AM   Subscribe

The quintessential gangfight of the 80s. Vintage afterschool specials, like wine, only get better with age.
On the day he enters Kennedy High in Manhattan wearing a patch over one eye, sixteen-year-old Horace Hobart is urged to join what he believes is the toughest gang at school.
Now you can enjoy the entire run of the 1985 CBS Schoolbreak Special, Ace Hits the Big Time. (1 2 3 4 5)
It's very likely the same minds were responsible for this scene.
posted by Christ, what an asshole (38 comments total) 16 users marked this as a favorite

 
"New blood on Falcon turf, who would like to black his blue eyes?"
Gold. Absolutely gold. I missed my calling.
posted by TomMelee at 9:42 AM on August 21, 2009


"This turkey is a jerk."

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Easy with the language, gang members.
posted by ColdChef at 9:43 AM on August 21, 2009 [7 favorites]


Also, I don't know a lot about the street. Are these guys Crips or Bloods?
posted by ColdChef at 9:44 AM on August 21, 2009


Also, I don't know a lot about the street. Are these guys Crips or Bloods?

The hybrid: Cruds.
posted by Christ, what an asshole at 9:46 AM on August 21, 2009 [5 favorites]


They're C.H.U.D.s.
posted by kittens for breakfast at 9:47 AM on August 21, 2009


A dialogue excerpt from the last link:

"Why don't you just go and talk to him?"
"Me? I'd be so embarrassed. Look how funky he is."
(emphasis mine)

Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow.
posted by whimsicalnymph at 9:48 AM on August 21, 2009 [2 favorites]


Absolutely believable.
posted by Sys Rq at 9:49 AM on August 21, 2009 [1 favorite]


Jerome Robbins, what hath thou wrought
posted by munchingzombie at 9:49 AM on August 21, 2009


Judicious use of the standing side headlock is to be applauded.
posted by tellurian at 9:50 AM on August 21, 2009


The quintessential non-gang fight scene of the 80s.
posted by DU at 9:54 AM on August 21, 2009 [1 favorite]


This afterschool special is to blame for me getting my ass kicked in highschool. Thanks, ABC.
posted by orme at 9:54 AM on August 21, 2009


Ha! I'm just listening to the 500 Days of Summer soundtrack (what? It's good! Good film too) and just as I clicked the first YTL the Hall & Oates song came on, You Make My Dreams Come True (which was also used in a big, Bollywood style dance extravaganza in the film), and it made it even better!
posted by Flashman at 10:04 AM on August 21, 2009


PS Best afterschool special: My Bodyguard. Remember?
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0081207/

(why doesn't Metafilter work with Chrome/Iron?)
posted by Flashman at 10:07 AM on August 21, 2009


Vintage afterschool specials, like wine, only get better with age.

Oh, no, it's much better than with wine. Some wines age well for a long time, some fall apart right away. They all peak eventually.

These afterschool specials just get better and better.
posted by gurple at 10:22 AM on August 21, 2009


Before reading further, I figured the first link had to be this.
posted by brandman at 10:26 AM on August 21, 2009


The hybrid: Cruds.

They're C.H.U.D.s.


Choads.
posted by rusty at 10:57 AM on August 21, 2009


The quintessential gangfight of the 80s.
posted by Pollomacho at 10:59 AM on August 21, 2009


The best after-school special of all time was called What If I'm Gay?

I have searched the tubes for clips, but there don't seem to be any. It was a stunning achievement in the field of awesomeness.
posted by Mister_A at 11:09 AM on August 21, 2009


I want to know, I really want to know, who decided that, yes, this is a good way to warn kids about the reality of gang violence. Or else, who decided, fuck it, after school specials are stupid, let's dress the cast of Fame up in purple and let them dance around while the kid from Mr. Belvedere falls on the ground.
posted by uncleozzy at 11:13 AM on August 21, 2009


uncleozzy, you seem to be forgetting just how much cocaine use there was in the entertainment industry in the 1980's.
posted by Pollomacho at 11:15 AM on August 21, 2009 [1 favorite]


Well then the question is, did the coke make it seem like a good idea, or was the guy with the idea the one supplying?
posted by uncleozzy at 11:23 AM on August 21, 2009


Metafilter: We are the Falcons. We get to make the moves.
posted by vibrotronica at 11:24 AM on August 21, 2009


the kid from Mr. Belvedere

Ahhhh! I *knew* I knew that guy. What ever happened to him? Homophobic, but not NSFW, writeup here mentions this afterschool special, but not much else. He doesn't even have a Wikipedia entry! Now that's sad.
posted by DU at 11:26 AM on August 21, 2009


Well then the question is, did the coke make it seem like a good idea, or was the guy with the idea the one supplying?

Yes.
posted by Pollomacho at 11:27 AM on August 21, 2009


That Teen Witch clip was stupefyingly great. Self-bleeping and everything, whoohoo! For fans of this genre, I also recommend the flick Girls Just Wanna Have Fun, in which Sarah Jessica Parker and Helen Hunt do their level best to be 80s teen dance sluts.

As for Ace, wow, what a harrowing reminder of Michael Jackson's influence. This is what happens when you try to riff on the Beat It video with a dollar fifty.
posted by nakedcodemonkey at 11:33 AM on August 21, 2009


*sssssssssnoooork*

"YEEEEEAH! ...and then we'll get some kids, real tough lookin' kids, like the ones from the Warriors or somethin' except they'll all be in purple, and they'll do this dance number-slash-fight scene where they beat the crap... hold on a sec, bro..."

*ssssssssssnooooork*

"...YEEEEESSSSS! so they beat the crap out of the guy, an we'll get somebody who's hot, like Kirk Cameron, no, somebody more innocent looking, but white, not that Emanuel Lewis kid, OOOH like that kid from Belvedere, Mr. Belvedere, what's his fuckin' name, yeah, yeah, you know the kid, so they beat the shit out of him..."
posted by Pollomacho at 11:43 AM on August 21, 2009 [1 favorite]


You can't fool me, this is the ill-fated never-spoken-of-again reinvention planned for Season 6 of The Wire.
posted by Bokononist at 11:43 AM on August 21, 2009 [1 favorite]


More quintessential cheese music of the 80s (gets going at 0:30) -- Flight of the Navigator theme song. A classic of mid-1980s Flashdance-style Fairlight CMI work.
posted by crapmatic at 12:05 PM on August 21, 2009


They may have bested him for now, but they'll be sorry when he goes home and comes back with the Horn of Jericho.
posted by StickyCarpet at 12:07 PM on August 21, 2009


"The Falcons" is a pretty scary gang name, but I think "The Flamboyant Purples" is much scarier. One's a small bird of prey, the other will dance your lunch money right out of your pocket.
posted by fatbird at 12:15 PM on August 21, 2009


There are actually some good comments at the You Tube site.
"The gangs I have to deal with pretend like they are unicorns."
"Where's a fucking drive-by when you really need it?"
"Nobody messes with the Menudo gang."
"This kind of stuff became such a problem, we had to move´╗┐ out of the city..."
posted by dances_with_sneetches at 12:16 PM on August 21, 2009


This is just a rip-off of Beat It. I thought that you were at least going to give us 3 O'Clock High.
posted by ActingTheGoat at 12:30 PM on August 21, 2009


Hey, that Mr. Belvedere kid is really scared, and I don't blame him. Bunch of kids dressed in purple came up to me in the street and started dancing around me, I'd be scared too!
posted by sandraregina at 4:32 PM on August 21, 2009


The quintessential Willem Dafoe With A Sledgehammer fight scene of the 80s.
posted by Spatch at 6:40 PM on August 21, 2009


Warning: do not click the Washed Up Celebrities link DU posted. It is a godawful time sink. It's almost as bad as TV Tropes.
posted by crataegus at 1:11 AM on August 22, 2009


*ssssssssssnooooork*
posted by Sys Rq at 8:57 AM on August 22, 2009


I had some gang members at my high school. Here are some things I learned from them:
1. Real gang members don't dance, they grind (with the exception of crips.)
2. Don't go in the south wing bathroom between periods because they are playing craps on the floor and you don't want to disrupt their game.
3. Don't cheat at basketball. In between classes, one of them found the alleged cheater and hit him on the head with a hammer. After a bloody fight, the nearby police officers (POs were our security) broke it up and sent the hammer hit kid to the hospital. He came back later that day to finish classes because the school was really strict on truancy.
4. If you are white, there are two things you can do to scare gang members: pretend to be flamboyantly gay or wear a trench coat and look like you might shoot up the school.
5. Most people that say they are in a gang in high school aren't actually in a gang.
6. They like police even less than other teenagers.
7. All you need is two things: your rims and your tims.
8. Gangs and fraternities are the exact same thing, but from different socio-economic parts of the country.
posted by SouthCNorthNY at 5:12 PM on August 22, 2009


80s gangs are no laughing manner. I was the victim of a drive-by manicure in 86'. Still haven't fully recovered.
posted by KevinSkomsvold at 9:56 AM on August 23, 2009


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