Skip

Pizzly? Grolar Bear? Polargrizz? Polzly? Nanulak?
August 24, 2009 5:04 PM   Subscribe

The Polar Bear/Grizzly Hybrid: The Ursid Hybrid cross has been attested since a hunter (with a Polar Bear license, and yes, they can be had) shot one in 2006 on Banks Island in Canada's Northwest Territories. Climate change may also play a role, causing an increasing overlap in range and mating season. Polar Bears do show a surprising resilience despite the overwhelming, increasing threats to their survival. Hunting policy itself may play a role, reducing the number of males and driving the females to mate out of season and range. The Native Inuit hunters who are permitted to hunt Polar Bears for subsistence (enabling the sport hunt, which may or may not benefit the Native economy, leading many Natives to support sport hunting) have come into sharp conflict with outside environmentalists. Welcome to the new Far North.
posted by fourcheesemac (38 comments total) 4 users marked this as a favorite

 
"This is one instance," Paetkau said. "As a scientist, you can't say anything about one instance, other than, What should we name it?"

Unofficial names include "grolar bear" and "pizzly"


Great, more crotch fungus.

Seriously though, Polly Bear is the only way to go.
posted by Sys Rq at 5:10 PM on August 24, 2009


I should mention I was inspired by the hybrid fruit post Sys Rq links above.
posted by fourcheesemac at 5:15 PM on August 24, 2009


Grizzlar.
posted by StickyCarpet at 5:18 PM on August 24, 2009 [3 favorites]


"This is one instance," Paetkau said. "As a scientist, you can't say anything about one instance, other than, What should we name it?"

Small polar bears weigh 400lbs. Big ones weigh 1100lbs. Huge ones weigh 1500-1800lbs. They have 40+ teeth, big, sharp claws and grow up to 9 feet long.

Grizzly bears run from 250-1000lbs. Grow up to 8 feet long.

What should we call a hybrid of the two, you ask?

ANYTHING IT WANTS.
posted by zarq at 5:21 PM on August 24, 2009 [11 favorites]


I propose half-ton human-killing beasts.

Seriously, if you mix polar bears sheer size with grizzly aggressiveness, and throw in some hybrid vigor, that's gonna be one scary mofo.
posted by qvantamon at 5:22 PM on August 24, 2009


Pizzly? Grolar Bear? Polargrizz? Polzly? Nanulak?

Sarah Palin refers to them as "throw rugs."
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 5:28 PM on August 24, 2009 [3 favorites]


Oh, yeah, and you can be sure right now there's some angry male polar bear on polar bear cable TV ranting about all these brown immigrants from the south coming in and taking their white women.
posted by qvantamon at 5:28 PM on August 24, 2009 [14 favorites]


oh MAN! aren't there any pictures of a live one? THEY KILLED THE ONLY KNOWN POLEZZLY IN EXISTENCE??!!!!!!!!!!!??
posted by msconduct at 5:31 PM on August 24, 2009


THEY KILLED THE ONLY KNOWN POLEZZLY IN EXISTENCE??!!!!!!!!!!!??

If we're lucky, perhaps there will be a re-enactment....
posted by zarq at 5:33 PM on August 24, 2009


When they start breeding with sharks, we start dying.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 5:43 PM on August 24, 2009 [2 favorites]


For some reason, Rumple Minze immediately leapt to mind.
posted by jquinby at 5:43 PM on August 24, 2009


I can't wait for Polar Bears to mate with Black Bears so I can revive all those classic jokes about solar-powered flashlights and submarines with screen doors in an exciting new context.
posted by Sys Rq at 5:45 PM on August 24, 2009


If polar bears mate with black bears they'll just make pandas. Boring.
posted by qvantamon at 5:58 PM on August 24, 2009


If polar bears mate with black bears they'll just make pandas.

Grumpy pandas.
posted by maxwelton at 6:02 PM on August 24, 2009 [1 favorite]


Huh, they'll be in the Tunisian desert before you know it.
posted by tellurian at 6:23 PM on August 24, 2009 [1 favorite]


Seriously though, hunting polar bears for sport: Not cool.

If the natives need cash, it should come from the government of Canada (by the truckload), not Sarah Palin.
posted by Sys Rq at 6:35 PM on August 24, 2009


Does it eat pluots?
posted by Astro Zombie at 6:38 PM on August 24, 2009 [1 favorite]


Sarah Palin refers to them as "throw rugs."

Funny, they refer to Sarah as 'junk food'.

But if you're going to name this big freaking breed of bear, I'd suggest borrowing from some comparable aquatic legends for "Great White Bear" (or Great Half-White or Great Off-White).

Or go for irony and name it the Boo Boo Bear.
posted by wendell at 6:39 PM on August 24, 2009 [1 favorite]


Wot, "The great taupe bear"? Not likely to strike fear in the heart of man, is it?
posted by boo_radley at 6:52 PM on August 24, 2009


David Paetkau is president of Wildlife Genetics International

Am I the only one disturbed by the idea that a guy named for a Pokemon is the expert on collecting animal DNA?

Gotta catch 'em all!
posted by Pollomacho at 7:16 PM on August 24, 2009 [1 favorite]


The Great Bear That Forgot To Separate Its Laundry Loads.
posted by qvantamon at 7:23 PM on August 24, 2009


D.H.E.T.A. was all on my case after shooting a whole bunch of these for Hemet Nesingwary in Sholozar Basin.
posted by symbioid at 7:24 PM on August 24, 2009


Bears are spiteful, savage creatures whose only economic value lies in people's willingness to pay to kill them for sport. So it seems to me that the common objective of the inuit, the hunters, and green groups -- along with the interested public -- should be to ultimately destroy all bears, be they polar or grizzly or neither. They may differ as to how. But that debate can be resolved.
posted by magic curl at 8:31 PM on August 24, 2009


If polar bears mate with black bears they'll just make pandas. Boring.

At least they might actively make pandas. That puts them one up on the pandas themselves.

...Also, DHARMA totally wishes they thought of this.
posted by unregistered_animagus at 9:10 PM on August 24, 2009 [1 favorite]


Somewhere, a fetish is being born.
posted by The Whelk at 9:18 PM on August 24, 2009


Polar Grizzly mix?

It's not unheard of.
posted by rubah at 9:37 PM on August 24, 2009


where is troy hurtubise when you need him? i say we press the canadian government to send our very own 'bear behavior specialist' to scout for grizzle bear hybrids in the arctic...he's got the suit for the job!
posted by winston smith at 10:23 PM on August 24, 2009


In an ideal world, the polar grizzly would have left those four fuckers to die on the ice holding their disembowled entrails.
posted by cmonkey at 11:23 PM on August 24, 2009


That's why we have to take care of our selves so we can take care of them. It's like when you're on an airplane and oxegen comes down and they tell you to put it on your self before you put it on the baby.

-sscct
posted by MrTenacious at 12:01 AM on August 25, 2009


For the name, I like 'growler bear,' because it makes me picture one drunk.
posted by box at 6:18 AM on August 25, 2009


As a bonus, these new Ursid Hybrids are eligible for a federal income tax credit of up to $3,400!
posted by Kabanos at 7:49 AM on August 25, 2009


Ursid Hybrids are eligible for a federal income tax credit

They get 65 miles per gallon - of your mom
posted by CynicalKnight at 8:56 AM on August 25, 2009


Whatever you call it, George Thorogood should write a song about it.

My father was a grizzly, and my mother was a polar bear...
posted by yhbc at 9:15 AM on August 25, 2009


[i]Whatever you call it, George Thorogood should write a song about it.

My father was a grizzly, and my mother was a polar bear...[/i]

I would buy this record.

I for one welcome our new ursine overlords.
posted by Ber at 9:31 AM on August 25, 2009


Mamma was a rodeo, Papa was thousand pound fanged monster who could break a human in half with his fearsome claws.
posted by The Whelk at 1:51 PM on August 25, 2009


Inuit hunters I know have told me they have seen other Polar/Grizzly mixes (and they would know) besides the one that was killed, fwiw.

It's a bizarre story, but a reminder that our climate-changing future is going to be full of surprises, and some of them will weigh 1200 pounds, be able to kill a man with one swipe, and be hungry.
posted by fourcheesemac at 2:39 PM on August 25, 2009




Grizzlies starve as salmon disappear
posted by homunculus at 1:36 PM on September 9, 2009


« Older Coffee by Week Collection   |   Rehearse this line, future... Newer »


This thread has been archived and is closed to new comments



Post