Corporate Brand Identity Avoidance Consultant
August 27, 2009 12:18 AM Subscribe
Aunt Feminina Boots's Char-Broiled Book Club — Feminina Boots has been experiencing a lot of difficulty lately trying to find a book club where she can say things that aren’t just going to upset people.
From MeFi's own applemeat.
From MeFi's own applemeat.
From the very first entry:
"I watched a pornographic movie with your uncle once once, and it got on my nerves a little. Um, I ... I had to turn the sound off because this woman was caterwaulin' like clarinet practice in a fire drill and I just... (sigh) I can't concentrate. I just wanted her to shut up. Cuz, it feels good, but it's not that good."
It was the phrase "caterwaulin' like clarinet practice in a fire drill" that got my attention. Beautiful.
After the week I've had so far, the parts I watched were a blunt gust of fresh air. I hope I didn't wake up the family with the much-needed laughing. I'd hang out with her and talk about books or whatever, and I don't think she'd offend me one bit.
applemeat, would you be my newest mefi spouse?
If not, I'd happily join your bookclub.
posted by lilywing13 at 12:44 AM on August 27, 2009
"I watched a pornographic movie with your uncle once once, and it got on my nerves a little. Um, I ... I had to turn the sound off because this woman was caterwaulin' like clarinet practice in a fire drill and I just... (sigh) I can't concentrate. I just wanted her to shut up. Cuz, it feels good, but it's not that good."
It was the phrase "caterwaulin' like clarinet practice in a fire drill" that got my attention. Beautiful.
After the week I've had so far, the parts I watched were a blunt gust of fresh air. I hope I didn't wake up the family with the much-needed laughing. I'd hang out with her and talk about books or whatever, and I don't think she'd offend me one bit.
applemeat, would you be my newest mefi spouse?
If not, I'd happily join your bookclub.
posted by lilywing13 at 12:44 AM on August 27, 2009
applemeat, would you be my newest mefi spouse?
Second in queue.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 1:09 AM on August 27, 2009
Second in queue.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 1:09 AM on August 27, 2009
Virginian Woolf. Now that's scary.
posted by i_am_joe's_spleen at 2:34 AM on August 27, 2009
posted by i_am_joe's_spleen at 2:34 AM on August 27, 2009
Second in queue.
That adds a disturbing new layer of meaning to "wedding train".
posted by srboisvert at 7:45 AM on August 27, 2009 [1 favorite]
That adds a disturbing new layer of meaning to "wedding train".
posted by srboisvert at 7:45 AM on August 27, 2009 [1 favorite]
Please tell me applemeat is exactly like this in real life.
posted by The Straightener at 8:11 AM on August 27, 2009
posted by The Straightener at 8:11 AM on August 27, 2009
I love this. I'm not sure why. But I do.
posted by grabbingsand at 8:44 AM on August 27, 2009
posted by grabbingsand at 8:44 AM on August 27, 2009
Wait. No. Start at the beginning. You must start with "Pinecones".
posted by grabbingsand at 8:56 AM on August 27, 2009
posted by grabbingsand at 8:56 AM on August 27, 2009
For the record, I have never questioned the sexual drives of animals.
posted by Rat Spatula at 9:29 AM on August 27, 2009
posted by Rat Spatula at 9:29 AM on August 27, 2009
This is really, really wonderful. Wonderful on a stick.
"It gives Aunt Feminina a migraine like she would just like to Glou-chester out both her eyeballs with a grapefruit spoon."
posted by steambadger at 10:20 AM on August 27, 2009
"It gives Aunt Feminina a migraine like she would just like to Glou-chester out both her eyeballs with a grapefruit spoon."
posted by steambadger at 10:20 AM on August 27, 2009
"I had to turn the sound off because this woman was caterwaulin' like clarinet practice in a fire drill and I just... (sigh) I can't concentrate. I just wanted her to shut up. Cuz, it feels good, but it's not that good."
Sometimes it is.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 10:21 AM on August 27, 2009
Sometimes it is.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 10:21 AM on August 27, 2009
Please tell me applemeat is exactly like this in real life.
She is actually even funnier.
posted by Tchad at 10:58 AM on August 27, 2009
She is actually even funnier.
posted by Tchad at 10:58 AM on August 27, 2009
That Ayn Rand one is so slyly delicious on so many levels at once -- very difficult to watch this discreetly at work. Causes spit takes.
posted by lphoenix at 3:57 PM on August 27, 2009
posted by lphoenix at 3:57 PM on August 27, 2009
"Are you fellas trying to altruistically help me and benefit my life? That shut 'em up."
I almost choked on my cough drop.
posted by Amanojaku at 7:23 PM on August 27, 2009 [1 favorite]
I almost choked on my cough drop.
posted by Amanojaku at 7:23 PM on August 27, 2009 [1 favorite]
*Tips hat* Good night, this is great stuff.
posted by barrett caulk at 9:33 PM on August 27, 2009
posted by barrett caulk at 9:33 PM on August 27, 2009
I feel like I should mention that I spent a good hour or so cracking up at these. I would gladly pay US dollars for a stylishly understated Taylorham-Chickasaw Pants West Public Library t-shirt in order to support this endeavor.
posted by silby at 10:38 AM on August 28, 2009
posted by silby at 10:38 AM on August 28, 2009
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posted by benzenedream at 12:41 AM on August 27, 2009