Leave it to the production assistants to make the letter props.

September 7, 2009 4:53 PM

Mr. Ward Cleaver
485 Mapleton Drive
Mayfield, State

My Dear Mr. Cleaver:

This paragraph has absolutely nothing to do with anything.
It is here merely to fill up space.
An industrious Leave it to Beaver viewer freeze-frames a scene from the second season (1958) to read the text on a letter that Ward is reading, a note from the Beav's principal. But not really...
posted by zardoz (73 comments total)

heh.
posted by leotrotsky at 4:57 PM on September 7, 2009

...
posted by mrgrimm at 4:57 PM on September 7, 2009

You know, for a moment, I was gonna be like "This is really, really thin." But then I smiled. So thanks.
posted by Pope Guilty at 5:00 PM on September 7, 2009 [2 favorites]

The Jim letter referenced at the end of that article amuses me. Why would someone have a copy of the draft Los Angeles Department of City Planning (zoning) showing revisions? Was someone involved in the production interested in the proposed update to the planning standards? If so, they are either architects or nit-picking neighbors, because most of the public couldn't care less about the revisions to such standards until they want to do something that wouldn't be allowed by said standards.

Planning geekery aside, I'm impressed by the sleuthing by these folks. Thanks for the site!
posted by filthy light thief at 5:01 PM on September 7, 2009

Welcome to 2007.

Plus, this was done way before anyone ever thought of the ability to freeze frame by the average viewer. So they did a version of Lorem Ipsum. I didn't understand the point of this two years ago and I still don't.
posted by GavinR at 5:11 PM on September 7, 2009

This made me giggle. Thank you!
posted by Mrs. Pterodactyl at 5:11 PM on September 7, 2009

An industrious Leave it to Beaver

A busy Beaver.
posted by DU at 5:11 PM on September 7, 2009 [3 favorites]

"For that matter, all of this is nonsense, and the only
part of this that is to be read is the last paragraph,
which part is the inspired creation of the producers of
this very fine series."

Wasn't there an askme about cases where 'which' used like this a while ago? Unfortunately, searching askme for "which" doesn't yield useful results.
posted by blenderfish at 5:12 PM on September 7, 2009

This is a comment about some stuff that has nothing to do with anything.
posted by hellboundforcheddar at 5:15 PM on September 7, 2009 [3 favorites]

I would just like to point out that Shorpy, the blog linked above, is amazing. It's a collection of super old and super high-res photography. For the longest time I was used to seeing the past in tiny and blurry photographs. Shorpy made me realize how breathtaking early photography could be when presented in 3000x2500.
posted by arcolz at 5:17 PM on September 7, 2009 [6 favorites]

Msr. Mathowietexamyn
666 Tubular Drive
Teh Nets, CA EIEIO

My dear sweet cybernetic overlords who I even know in real life and stuffs:

This comment has absolutely nothing to do with anything.

It is merely here to fill up space.

Delete it and you die.

Sincerely,
Lipstick Thespian
posted by Lipstick Thespian at 5:19 PM on September 7, 2009 [2 favorites]

How interesting! I'm trying to imagine acting a scene where I was to silently read all of such a letter but for the final paragraph, and I'm imagining a fair bit of difficulty making it through the penultimate paragraph without smiling.
posted by EatTheWeak at 5:23 PM on September 7, 2009

@ EatTheWeak

Have you ever watched the show? I think Hugh Beaumont could deliver any line in his signature wooden and deadpan style.
posted by GavinR at 5:29 PM on September 7, 2009

I'm guessing that Eddie typed that...
posted by HuronBob at 5:31 PM on September 7, 2009

Yeah, I'm browsing the old-timey photos now. I wish I knew the stories behind some of them.
posted by DU at 5:32 PM on September 7, 2009

This comment has nothing to do with anything.

"Ward, I think you were a little hard on the beaver last night..."
posted by crossoverman at 5:36 PM on September 7, 2009 [10 favorites]

Great post... I bookmarked the site...
posted by HuronBob at 5:37 PM on September 7, 2009

All work and no play makes jack a dull boy. All work and no play makes jack a dull boy. All work and no play makes jack a dull boy. All work and no play makes jack a dull boy. All work and no play makes jack a dull boy. All work and no play makes jack a dull boy. All work and no play makes jack a dull boy. All work and no play makes jack a dull boy. All work and no play makes jack a dull boy. All work and no play makes jack a dull boy. All work and no play makes jack a dull boy. All work and no play makes jack a dull boy. All work and no play makes jack a dull boy.
posted by jenkinsEar at 5:37 PM on September 7, 2009

I love this. The video equivalent of it can be seen here in a clip from Doctor Who.
posted by katemonster at 5:38 PM on September 7, 2009 [15 favorites]

As Mrs. Cleaver said, "My goodness Ward, you were really hard on the Beaver last night."
posted by Drasher at 5:38 PM on September 7, 2009

MetaFilter: It is merely here to fill up space.
posted by rokusan at 5:41 PM on September 7, 2009

In the pilot episode for the series (never aired?), the part of Eddie Haskell was played by Harry Shearer.
posted by neuron at 5:45 PM on September 7, 2009

I hope you can find a suitable explanation for Theodore’s unusual conduct.

Rubber cement.
posted by netbros at 5:53 PM on September 7, 2009

Now katemonster's gone and done it. Now I'm going to fill up thread space with links to a bunch of Housemartins videos available on YouTube.

Bow Down
Build
Caravan of Love
Five Get Overexcited
Happy Hour
I Can't Put My Finger On It
I'll Be Your Shelter
The Light Is Always Green
Me and the Farmer
The People Who Grinned Themselves to Death
Sheep
There is Always Something There to Remind Me
Think for a Minute
We're Not Deep

London 0 Hull 4 part 1 part 2 part 3
posted by maudlin at 6:10 PM on September 7, 2009 [7 favorites]

Gee Wally, why'd the guy type all those dopey words?

Listen Beave, grownups do crazy stuff like that all the time, and if you ask me any more questions I'll slug you.
posted by digsrus at 6:15 PM on September 7, 2009 [2 favorites]

I dare someone to make this their match.com blurb.
posted by water bear at 6:18 PM on September 7, 2009 [1 favorite]

I did something similar to the newspaper on the park bench in One Froggy Evening.
posted by hexatron at 6:30 PM on September 7, 2009 [1 favorite]

I don't know, I think it's pretty sweet that the guy happened to off-handedly document an event - and thus, years later, the day and even time of day the throw-away prop was created could be estimated.
posted by cobaltnine at 6:31 PM on September 7, 2009 [1 favorite]

Good catch, blenderfish, this is the question you're talking about I believe, and it's totally worth reading again.
posted by Nomiconic at 6:33 PM on September 7, 2009

I have filled
the space of
the first stanza
with words

which you
had probably
already
memorized

Forgive me
these words are
so different
and much worse.
posted by The White Hat at 6:34 PM on September 7, 2009 [3 favorites]

Don't mean to snark, but MeFi is becoming yesterday's reddit
posted by mattoxic at 6:41 PM on September 7, 2009 [3 favorites]

Last year I was in a production of Tom Stoppard's Undiscovered Country (twenty eDollars if you've even heard of it), which involves a lot of letters and such being delivered the whole time. Our Props Head clearly had a ball personalizing all of them, too. My character - a little weirdo in what is otherwise a pretty serious piece set in 1930's Austria - has a big moment where he kneels down with his unopened letter, presses it to his forehead like in the old Carson bit, and "absorbs it's contents." A moment later he's actually reading it, and when called out says, "well, I must verify my gift! Yes... yes... yes...... I am amazing!" (it played well on stage anyway.)

Here, however, is the text of that letter, best as I can remember it:

Gustl,

I know your powers. You think I haven't seen you? You think I haven't been watching you? I've been watching you more closely than you can even imagine.

In front of people, in the shower, when you sleep? It doesn't matter. I've seen it all and all of it fascinates me, but I still can't quite get at the truth.

I'll get it though. Just you wait. When you least expect it, I'll be there, the only one who truly understands you. We were meant for each other. We are destiny.

I'll kill you,

Sarah Palin

posted by Navelgazer at 6:44 PM on September 7, 2009 [23 favorites]

That principle sounds crazy. Ward should have pulled the Beaver out of that school.
posted by orme at 6:45 PM on September 7, 2009 [2 favorites]

When I was props manager for a production of Cabaret, it fell to me to create the letter that Cliff receives from his mother. I filled it with such timely advice as "be a good boy and don't talk to Nazis."

I'm really glad I introduced that prop during rehearsal, because it was probably out of character for Cliff to burst out laughing while reading the letter and then start shaking his fist at backstage.
posted by ilana at 6:47 PM on September 7, 2009 [3 favorites]

I just favorited Navelgazer's Sarah Palin letter so hard that my mouse broke and then my finger broke.
posted by infinitywaltz at 6:48 PM on September 7, 2009

Listen Beave, grownups do crazy stuff like that all the time, and if you ask me any more questions I'll slug you.

If you slug me, I'll give you the business.
posted by Mayor Curley at 6:50 PM on September 7, 2009

Don't mean to snark, but MeFi is becoming yesterday's reddit

That's okay. We're still today's Kottke, tomorrow's Boing Boing, and the Plastic.com it's okay to like.
posted by armage at 6:59 PM on September 7, 2009 [8 favorites]

50 years ago, TV producers didn't expect anybody to be studying individual frames of their film.

I could have posted this here myself late yesterday, but I put it on FriendFeed instead, where it went into my Twitter feed and got re-Tweeted a couple times. Didn't expect it to end up back here - or else I would have posted it here, right? Of course, zardoz may have found it the same way I did, which as mattoxic reminds me was probably reddit via popurls, and didn't credit, because it wouldn't have fit in Twitter's 140 character limit, especially after passing through FriendFeed which adds it own links. Anyway, it's funny how things travel around the intarwebs, or not so much funny as odd, but I'm just rambling on because MeFi doesn't have a character limit and hopefully never will. Anyway, say hi to Mrs. Cleaver for me, and the Beaver, ifyouknowwhatimean, winknudge, yaddayaddayadda. And if anything happens to me, I deny everything, except for whatever may look cool in the eyes of other MeFites. "Nice, nice, very nice. So many people in the same device." - Ambrosia, the band, from 1975, before it was seduced by the big money in love ballads and was as Progressive Rock as all get-out; the cover of Ambrosia's first album even folded into a pyramid, how Prog Rock is THAT? Well, if you read this far, thanks, but you don't win any prizes. Now you all can go your merry ways until It's Raining Florence Henderson comes up with something 5.7 times as funny as this.
posted by wendell at 7:00 PM on September 7, 2009

We're still today's Kottke, tomorrow's Boing Boing, and the Plastic.com it's okay to like.

Where is the Plastic.com it's okay to forget ever existed?
posted by wendell at 7:04 PM on September 7, 2009

Here is where I'd link to the article about how nowadays due to the clarity of HD, shows are actually starting to write content for everything on the screen that could possibly be read. Except now that I think about it, the article wasn't actually about that topic, it just happened to mention that while discussing something else, possibly 30 Rock.
posted by billyfleetwood at 7:20 PM on September 7, 2009

For the record:
Nice, nice, very nice. So many people in the same device." - Ambrosia, the band, from 1975
A line taken from from Kurt Vonnegut's novel "Cat's Cradle"

...the cover of Ambrosia's first album even folded into a pyramid...
That was the second album, which was not nearly as good as the first.
posted by cccorlew at 7:39 PM on September 7, 2009 [1 favorite]

DEAR MISTER CLEAVER,
MY NAME IS S. MOBUTU-MCDUCK, AND I AM THE NEPHEW OF HIS WORTHINESS THE LATE MISTER SCROOGE MCDUCK. I AM CONTACTING YOU IN A MATTER OF THE UTMOST DELICACY...
posted by PlusDistance at 7:42 PM on September 7, 2009 [6 favorites]

My theatre company produces a lot of Shakespeare, and if you've seen a lot of Shakespeare, you know that there are a lot of notes being passed back and forth. We do take a little creative license, unless the letter is being read aloud. My favorite was from last year's "Cymbeline," a note from Cloten to Imogen:

Imogen,

I'm having a few friends over tonight - you know, just chillin' and shit. No biggie. Why don't you come over and hang? And could you pick up some ale on the way?

You are so freakin' hawt.

xoxoxo,

Cloten
posted by Evangeline at 7:42 PM on September 7, 2009 [4 favorites]

the cover of Ambrosia's first album even folded into a pyramid

they all made good frisbees once you removed the cover
posted by pyramid termite at 7:44 PM on September 7, 2009

That principle sounds crazy. Ward should have pulled the Beaver out of that school.

On principle, I don't think Ward would go against anything Beaver's principal felt was in his son's best interests.
posted by ericb at 7:46 PM on September 7, 2009

I knew I had seen this on Metafilter previously.
posted by Daddy-O at 7:53 PM on September 7, 2009 [1 favorite]

On principle, I don't think Ward would go against anything Beaver's principal felt was in his son's best interests.

Which is interesting, as Ward was the principal who loaned the principal to the principal (on principle that the principal was principal, after all)--and the principal's principal interest was earning interest from the principal loaned to the principal.
posted by maxwelton at 8:03 PM on September 7, 2009 [1 favorite]

Damn. Where is my edit button.
posted by maxwelton at 8:04 PM on September 7, 2009

mattoxic: "Don't mean to snark, but MeFi is becoming yesterday's reddit"

I see this complaint a lot, and don't get it. So what if a link happened to be on Reddit last year? Does that make it that much less interesting? If you saw it before, then it ought to be easy to just pass on by.

The reason I read Metafilter and not Reddit/Digg is because MeFi's S/N is a lot higher; it's, well, filtered. If that means that some viral video or interesting site takes a few months longer to hit the front page of the blue, so be it. It's a very small price to pay.

Anyway, back on topic: it makes me wonder what, if anything, TV producers are doing today that will be obvious gaffes in 50 years? It wasn't totally unpredictable in 1958 that average people at home might have video recorders, but that they'd have ones with resolution high enough to read a typed on-screen letter, and that old shows from 50 years ago would be re-released in such formats, might have seemed a bit of a stretch.

In 50 years from now, is someone going to be watching the 30MP SuperUltraHighDef re-release of BSG and reading the titles of prop books in the background?
posted by Kadin2048 at 8:05 PM on September 7, 2009 [1 favorite]

Here's the Lew Burdette HR game. How do you run your starter out there again in the ninth with an 11 run lead?
posted by stupidsexyFlanders at 8:18 PM on September 7, 2009

This combines some of my biggest geekeries - show biz, old photos, etc. I think it’s cool that whoever wrote it never never dreamed of viewers at home having freeze-frame let alone the internets yet he(?) still wrote this great little note that we can appreciate years later.

It reminds me of a Stephen Sondheim anecdote about how it’s impressive that the top of the Statue of Liberty has such fine detail, even though when it was created Bartholdy couldn’t have imagined being able to view it from a ‘copter, etc. (And yes, pedantics and anal retentive, he could’ve imagined hot air balloons flying over. Quit ruining Steve’s and my anecdote.)

Also, maybe I’ve just had too many days off or perhaps after two oz. of beer I am the world’s cheapest date but Navelgazer‘s post had me laughing to tears.
posted by NorthernLite at 8:20 PM on September 7, 2009

neat; thanks.
posted by LobsterMitten at 9:29 PM on September 7, 2009

FYI, Barbara Billingsly is still with us. I know, right?
posted by geekyguy at 9:45 PM on September 7, 2009

I knew I had seen this on Metafilter previously.

Ah yes, I knew it too, but I couldn't remember where or when. That thread made a valiant attempt at starting a Mefi meme.
posted by roll truck roll at 10:06 PM on September 7, 2009

Metafilter: this paragraph has absolutely nothing to do with anything
posted by bwg at 10:32 PM on September 7, 2009

The whole thread Daddy-O linked is useless because of editorialization and copyright claims by NBC.
posted by mistersquid at 10:34 PM on September 7, 2009

I really enjoyed this comment:

"I went out with Loren Ipsum in high school and we fooled around behind the stage.

Second base only!"
posted by shokod at 10:48 PM on September 7, 2009

This is all sorts of awesome. Thanks!
posted by KevinSkomsvold at 10:55 PM on September 7, 2009

FYI, Barbara Billingsly is still with us. I know, right?

She better outlive this thread, geekyguy, or else I'm blaming you!

94? Wow, I wonder if she can still talk jive?
posted by crossoverman at 11:12 PM on September 7, 2009

Mr. Ward Cleaver
485 Mapleton Drive
Mayfield, State

My Dear Mr. Cleaver:

It has come to my attention that your son Beaver has been having an ill effect upon the other children who view his interactions. They seem to be distressed in thinking that their lives are less perfect than Beaver's. They wonder why their mother does not wear pearls while cooking the family meal. They even wonder why their mother fails to cook the family meal. They wonder that you, Ward Cleaver, seem exceptionally calm and loving in the face of Beaver's youthful exploits while their own fathers yell or react even more strongly. In short, you, June and the Beave seem to project an unnatural reality that leaves the children questioning the quality of their own parents, their own lives, their own ability to interact maturely with the world. Wally and his friends Eddie and Clarence provide some normative relief, but that fails to balance the damage done from you, June and the Beave. In short, we feel that Beaver's viewing friends would benefit from some imperfections from you, June and the Beave, such as perhaps some loud words being exchanged or perhaps Beaver finding it hard to be contrite after one of his youthful exuberances goes sour. You are setting unrealistic expectations for behavior and especially for reaction to stressful events that will ultimately lead Beaver's TV friends to seek counseling and perhaps self medicate to compensate for their less than perfect lives. Ward, Beaver needs a spanking, and perhaps so does June, and you will do us all a favor if these are aired shortly.

Yours truly,
Cornelia Rayburn
posted by caddis at 11:14 PM on September 7, 2009 [1 favorite]

Heh. Not unlike some e-mails I get nor unlike some postings on MeFi I see from time to time.
posted by CG at 11:27 PM on September 7, 2009

Kadin2048 - someone already spotted that Lane Pryce had an anachronistic version of the Shorter OED on his shelf in Mad Men (via).
posted by Electric Dragon at 2:44 AM on September 8, 2009 [1 favorite]

Beaver Cleaver. Great porn name. Eddie Haskell. Not so much.
posted by twoleftfeet at 5:05 AM on September 8, 2009

I haven't listened to The Beautiful South in years, but one of their songs came into my head in the shower this morning, and then I see all this Housemartins stuff.
posted by Stylus Happenstance at 5:09 AM on September 8, 2009

No props, just a reversed piece of footage from Red Dwarf: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5fRYLiuBGRg
posted by gi_wrighty at 5:44 AM on September 8, 2009 [3 favorites]

This season of the The Closer, there was a shot of a letter in Brenda's hand that had passages highlighted on it. Paused and, sure enough, it was the script.
posted by papercake at 7:18 AM on September 8, 2009

Reminds me of what they put on the menu board in the back of Monk's on Seinfeld.
posted by Zambrano at 9:45 AM on September 8, 2009

Nice post, thanks! (And you people bitching and moaning because you saw this somewhere earlier? Fine, you're too cool for school. Now, get a life.)
posted by languagehat at 10:43 AM on September 8, 2009 [1 favorite]

Metafilter: really hard on the Beaver last night.
posted by Guy_Inamonkeysuit at 11:37 AM on September 8, 2009

Don't mean to snark, but MeFi is becoming yesterday's reddit

That's okay. We're still today's Kottke, tomorrow's Boing Boing, and the Plastic.com it's okay to like.

Actually, I hate to say it, but MeFi is usually two weeks ago on the Something Awful forums...
posted by stenseng at 12:54 PM on September 8, 2009

Am I the only one to be boggled that that was 50 years ago! Half a century!
We're as far from Ward Cleaver reading that letter as he was to the Wright brothers at Kitty Hawk!

Rather than think this is neat, I'll take the opposite view that the fact that it took us half a century to finally read that letter is a bit lame.
posted by vacapinta at 2:15 AM on September 9, 2009

that it took us half a century to finally read that letter is a bit lame.

Point taken. However, we are not just reading the letter, we're reading the letter by way of ludicrously powerful solid state computers, which are themselves interconnected via a purpose-built worldwide information network, which unlike basically every other telecommunications network built prior (telegraph, telex, PSTN, DSN), is basically free to use no matter who you want to talk to, once you get plugged in.

Being able to read the letter really isn't, in the scheme of things, all that impressive. Someone with access to a good film print—I assume the episode was shot on film and telecined—could have done that. But the discussion we're having right now? A bunch of people sitting all over the world, using what's arguably one of the most significant advances in technology since the printing press to disseminate the text from an old Leave it to Beaver prop letter—it may not be flying cars, but that's science fiction right there.
posted by Kadin2048 at 7:09 AM on September 9, 2009

Your comment reminded me of a thought I had while riding the Tube to work this morning. A girl was sitting nearby absorbed with her phone. Looking over I noticed she was playing Solitaire.

So, look how far we have come. Instead of sitting around like some bored 18th century peasants making stacks of cards and moving them around we can now -- thanks to modern technology -- use electronic lights to simulate those cards! And use a small pen device to simulate us moving around those cards! The future is here!
posted by vacapinta at 7:21 AM on September 9, 2009 [1 favorite]