Politics 101: Don't Brag About Your Sexploits in Public

September 9, 2009 1:35 PM

Conservative Republican California State Assemblyman Michael Duvall (Orange County) didn't realize his mic was live, moments before the start of a legislative hearing this past July. So when the 54-year-old married father of two began describing his ongoing affairs with two different women in very graphic detail for the benefit of a colleague seated next to him, he had no idea that he was being recorded. The story was picked up by KCAL, who cited unnamed sources that said Duvall was describing affairs with two married lobbyists.

The problem: The KCAL report also tentatively identified one as a utility company representative. (The OC Weekly story says she works for Sempra Energy.) Duvall is the vice chairman of the California State Assembly Committee on Utilities and Commerce.

Duvall "announced his immediate resignation from the Assembly this afternoon."

posted by zarq (216 comments total)

I understand that the archetypal sequence of events is that first you get the money, then you get the power, then you get the women.
posted by GuyZero at 1:37 PM on September 9, 2009 [32 favorites]

There's a point at which even my schadenfreude is exhausted and I just need to rest my forehead on the desk and have a little nap.
posted by Shepherd at 1:38 PM on September 9, 2009 [128 favorites]

Very nice. It's funny to learn he covered the exact neighborhood I grew up in, near the Brea/Placentia/Yorba Linda borders. That place has gone even more conservative since I lived there, so it's hilarious to find out their representative could be prone to spanking multiple women. Christ, what an asshole.
posted by mathowie at 1:39 PM on September 9, 2009 [5 favorites]

To get these out of the way:

1. Good heavens, a Republican involved in a sex scandal despite a staunch moral platform? Who would have guessed?

2. Hold your sarcasm, this is a shocker. It's heterosexual!

There. You may proceed.
posted by darksasami at 1:39 PM on September 9, 2009 [37 favorites]

I used to correct students' papers when they wrote "hypocracy", thinking it was a typo.

Now I see that they were onto something. Yikes! Oh, crusading family-values American politicians (of all parties: I'm looking at you, Elliot Spitzer), when will you learn?
posted by Sidhedevil at 1:39 PM on September 9, 2009 [13 favorites]

Testing. Testing. Is this thing on?
posted by Elmore at 1:40 PM on September 9, 2009

He has offered a law to alter the First Amendment rights of Americans by
 banning anti-war activists from putting the names of fallen soldiers on 
T-shirts with messages such as "Bush lied" on the front and "They died" on the back; he observed that the dead soldiers fought to protect freedom, and "opportunists" should not be allowed to "exploit" the sacrifices with political messages opposing war.


Jesus H. Christ - this clown doesn't deserve to draw a paycheck. Couldn't have happened to a nicer guy.
posted by porn in the woods at 1:42 PM on September 9, 2009 [4 favorites]

"And so her birthday was Monday," he said at the Wednesday, July 8 committee hearing. "I was 54 on June 14, so for a month, she was 19 years younger than me. I said, 'Now, you're getting old. I am going to have to trade you in.' And she goes, '[I'm] 36.' She is 18 years younger than me. And so I keep teasing her, and she goes, 'I know you French men. You divide your age by two and add seven, and if you're older than that, you dump us.'" --From the OC Weekly link

HAHAHAHA! Is that seriously an XKCD reference?
posted by specialagentwebb at 1:44 PM on September 9, 2009 [5 favorites]

The harder they come...

What?? What did I say?
posted by The Card Cheat at 1:44 PM on September 9, 2009 [1 favorite]

I love sexy sex as if I were an Assemblyman!
posted by Horace Rumpole at 1:44 PM on September 9, 2009 [23 favorites]

His campaign website now has a message up about his resignation. Sadly, they left out the part where he spanks lobbyists who wear eye-patch undies. :(

More.
posted by zarq at 1:45 PM on September 9, 2009

FUCKING OWNED
posted by Damn That Television at 1:45 PM on September 9, 2009 [3 favorites]

...and "opportunists" should not be allowed to "exploit" the sacrifices...

Funny -- you could say the same thing about Duvall, and without the scare quotes.
posted by JohnFredra at 1:45 PM on September 9, 2009 [1 favorite]

Hold your sarcasm, this is a shocker.

Electric, you might say.

LOBBYIST RELATIONSHIPS

ENTITY:
SEMPRA ENERGY AND ITS AFFILIATES, SAN DIEGO GAS & ELECTRIC, SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA GAS COMPANY & SEMPRA ENERGY GLOBAL ENTERPRISES
TYPE OF RELATIONSHIP : Employer
EFFECTIVE DATE: 04/14/2009
TERMINATION DATE:
posted by dersins at 1:46 PM on September 9, 2009

All of you enjoying your schadenfreude might want to consider that when the papacy was plagued with moral and political corruption, the institution was changed to make it more conservative, not less.


In other words, instead of a bunch of republicans who just talk the "family values" talk but in private behave pretty much like ordinary people, we're going to get republicans who actually believe deeply in "family values," and deep down in their core think that gays are evil, women on the pill are whores, etc. I submit to you that that result is probably worse.
posted by Pastabagel at 1:46 PM on September 9, 2009 [27 favorites]

darksasmi: "2. Hold your sarcasm, this is a shocker. It's heterosexual!"

Damn it... you beat me to it!

Considering his exploits involved women he definitely remained more in touch with his "values" than most other sex-scandal afflicted family values promoting convervatives.

just for completeness... here's his voting record
posted by Hairy Lobster at 1:47 PM on September 9, 2009 [1 favorite]

It got crowded in heaven, so, for one day it was decided only to accept people who had really had a bad day when they died. St. Peter was standing at the pearly gates and said to the first man, "Tell me about the day you died."

The man said, "Oh, it was awful. I was sure my wife was having an affair, so I came home early to catch her with him. I searched all over the apartment but couldn't find him anywhere. So I went out onto the balcony, we live on the 25th floor, and found this man hanging over the edge by his fingertips. I went inside, got a hammer, and started hitting his hands. He fell, but landed in some bushes. So, I got the refrigerator and pushed it over the balcony and it crushed him. The strain of the act gave me a heart attack, and I died."

St. Peter couldn't deny that this was a pretty bad day, and since it was a crime of passion, he let the man in.

He then asked the next man in line about the day he died. "Well, sir, it was awful," said the second man. "I was doing aerobics on the balcony of my 26th floor apartment when I twisted my ankle and slipped over the edge. I managed to grab the balcony of the apartment below, but some maniac came out and started pounding on my fingers with a hammer. Luckily I landed in some bushes. But, then the guy dropped a refrigerator on me!"

St. Peter chuckled, let him into heaven and decided he could really start to enjoy this job.

"Tell me about the day you died?", he said to the third man in line.

"OK, picture this, I'm naked, hiding inside a refrigerator..."
posted by netbros at 1:47 PM on September 9, 2009 [106 favorites]

la observed: "In case you haven't heard (and the whole world will have heard in another few hours)"

translation: anything but meta or filter.
posted by krautland at 1:48 PM on September 9, 2009 [1 favorite]

The most shocking revelation here is that thing on top of Dave Lopez' head. What the fuck? I wouldn't speak with him either, than thing could leap off its perch and attack at any second.
posted by Keith Talent at 1:48 PM on September 9, 2009

The LA Times is reporting that he will be investigated for ethics violations by the State Assembly.
posted by zarq at 1:48 PM on September 9, 2009 [2 favorites]

ETHICS COURSE COMPLETION DATE 11/12/2008
posted by Elmore at 1:48 PM on September 9, 2009 [5 favorites]

Many politicians are hypocrites and also they like sex! News at 11!
posted by Pecinpah at 1:49 PM on September 9, 2009

Is that seriously an XKCD reference?

The "divide-in-half-add-seven" rule has been around for much longer than XKCD.
posted by turaho at 1:49 PM on September 9, 2009 [27 favorites]

Yeah, maybe he resigned, but his first response was better.
posted by setanor at 1:49 PM on September 9, 2009 [2 favorites]

Yes, I'm sure this will be on the news at 11.
posted by Elmore at 1:49 PM on September 9, 2009 [1 favorite]

Luke 12.....

1 During that time a crowd of many thousands had gathered. There were so many people that they were stepping on one another.
Jesus spoke first to his disciples. "Be on your guard against the yeast of the Pharisees," he said. "They just pretend to be godly. 2 Everything that is secret will be brought out into the open. Everything that is hidden will be uncovered. 3 What you have said in the dark will be heard in the daylight. What you have whispered to someone behind closed doors will be shouted from the rooftops.
posted by St. Alia of the Bunnies at 1:49 PM on September 9, 2009 [29 favorites]

the woman who wears the "eye-patch underwear" is Heidi DeJong Barsuglia, a lobbyist for an energy company, Sempra Energy. Duvall is vice chair of the Committee on Utilities & Commerce.


Frankly, the conflict of interest bothers me a good deal more than the hypocrisy.
posted by bumpkin at 1:49 PM on September 9, 2009 [8 favorites]

It would be even more embarrassing if it turned out he wasn't having sex with anyone, and was just trying to impress the guy sitting next to him.
posted by dortmunder at 1:50 PM on September 9, 2009 [32 favorites]

The "Half-Your-Age-Plus-Seven Rule"
posted by setanor at 1:51 PM on September 9, 2009 [3 favorites]

This is my shocked face :-|
posted by Devils Rancher at 1:51 PM on September 9, 2009

In other words, instead of a bunch of republicans who just talk the "family values" talk but in private behave pretty much like ordinary people, we're going to get republicans who actually believe deeply in "family values," and deep down in their core think that gays are evil, women on the pill are whores, etc. I submit to you that that result is probably worse.

I was under the impression that we already had a bunch of republicans who just talk the "family values" talk but in private behave pretty much like ordinary people and deep down in their core think that gays are evil, women on the pill are whores, etc. I submit to you that the result is probably the same.
posted by Combustible Edison Lighthouse at 1:51 PM on September 9, 2009 [20 favorites]

Okay, if we can't forceably inject politicians with truth serum, can we at least have them mic'ed 24/7? (If only for the lulz)
posted by wendell at 1:52 PM on September 9, 2009 [3 favorites]

Duvall "announced his immediate resignation from the Assembly this afternoon."

I'm actually shocked that a Republican politician had the guts to resign after a sex scandal. They usually don't do that.
posted by Avenger at 1:53 PM on September 9, 2009 [4 favorites]

Politics 101

Dude doesn't know rule number one in this OPP establishment.
posted by and hosted from Uranus at 1:53 PM on September 9, 2009 [5 favorites]

The "Half-Your-Age-Plus-Seven Rule"

Manther. Putting that on my list of "Words I Wish I'd Never Heard".

Alas, I'd never heard of the half-plus-seven rule until I read it in XKCD. Child of the Internet, I guess. I'll just get off your lawns now
posted by specialagentwebb at 1:53 PM on September 9, 2009 [1 favorite]

I haven't really read it, but who cares? He's just talking about her in her underwear. I mean...oh, wait. Shit. He talks about 'making love?' Well, at least he used a decent term here, but still probably shouldn't be...OH NO! STAIR STEPPING! ARGH!
posted by glaucon at 1:53 PM on September 9, 2009 [1 favorite]

Frank Drebin'd
posted by slimepuppy at 1:54 PM on September 9, 2009 [2 favorites]

I feel bad for all the people involved in this, but I do love it when bad people write their own exits and show themselves out the door when they're done.
posted by iamkimiam at 1:54 PM on September 9, 2009 [6 favorites]

This is delightful.
posted by electroboy at 1:55 PM on September 9, 2009

Just when you thought the people "running" our country couldn't get any more idiotic... KABLOW!!!!!
posted by Spaizy at 1:57 PM on September 9, 2009

just for completeness... here's his voting record

He voted against same sex marriage. No surprise there.

He also voted against "prohibiting the use of phthalates in toys and childcare products designed for children under three years of age." WTF?
posted by zarq at 1:58 PM on September 9, 2009 [4 favorites]

Who will fuck his sorry ass now?
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 1:59 PM on September 9, 2009 [11 favorites]

The party of Family Values will not be fazed and their adherents will not recollect this incident. To be a practicing follower of the Republican party, you must live without memory of the misdeeds of your compatriots. To be an active politician in the Republican party, you have to live with the knowledge that, should it be expedient, you will be jettisoned and utterly forgotten. Later on, should it be useful, a small statue of slight resemblance to your actual persona might be made, then whitewashed.

The lack of hindsight and consistency is, paradoxically, the great strength of the Red State.
posted by adipocere at 2:01 PM on September 9, 2009 [16 favorites]

WTF is eye patch underwear? Is she a pirate lobbyist?
posted by afx237vi at 2:01 PM on September 9, 2009 [7 favorites]

See, this is why I could never go into lobbying.
posted by infinitefloatingbrains at 2:01 PM on September 9, 2009 [2 favorites]

HAHAHAHA! Is that seriously an XKCD reference?

Sex In The City, season 1. At the very least.
posted by Theta States at 2:02 PM on September 9, 2009

Who knew that our concerns about officials being in bed with lobbyists would turn out to be so literally true.

If nothing else, anyone stupid enough to reveal indiscretions like this while wearing a microphone deserves everything he loses.
posted by quin at 2:03 PM on September 9, 2009 [1 favorite]

but I do love it when bad people write their own exits and show themselves out the door

video of the dude with the open mike spliced into keyboard cat would be golden . . .
posted by Palamedes at 2:04 PM on September 9, 2009 [5 favorites]

while wearing a microphone deserves everything he loses

he was at a "hearing", which are, of course, miked up.
posted by Palamedes at 2:06 PM on September 9, 2009

I love being part of the vast sisterhood of intelligent, attuned women across the state who just uttered under our breath "I would never fuck that guy in a million years."

I imagine this is what it felt like to be in a sorority. What a disgusting chump. Banish-ed.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 2:06 PM on September 9, 2009 [9 favorites]

The "Half-Your-Age-Plus-Seven Rule"

I love Wikipedia so much. From that page: As would be expected with such an arbitrary cultural 'rule', there are variations such as "half plus five if he's foreign".
posted by smackfu at 2:08 PM on September 9, 2009

[cartman-licking-scott-tenormans-tears.jpg]
posted by boo_radley at 2:08 PM on September 9, 2009 [7 favorites]

mathowie: "Christ, what an asshole."

I did not realize the guy was also a member here!
posted by mwhybark at 2:08 PM on September 9, 2009

I want to be outraged, really I do, but mostly I'm just jealous. I mean, this guy had not one but two women on the side?

I knew I should have majored in PolySci.
posted by The Dryyyyy Cracker at 2:09 PM on September 9, 2009 [1 favorite]

Duvall - D, OC.
posted by These Premises Are Alarmed at 2:10 PM on September 9, 2009 [9 favorites]

He might as well have been singing "smack it up, flip it, rub it down".
posted by PenDevil at 2:11 PM on September 9, 2009 [2 favorites]

The mind reels at the thought of what these fuckers say that aren't caught on open mics.

Those quotes from Duvall are some of the less-graphic ones from the conversation. Others could not be printed in this publication.

The Wall Street Journal apparently has a much higher opinion of itself than I do.
posted by Joe Beese at 2:11 PM on September 9, 2009 [6 favorites]

Crap. I've got a boatload of Sempra Energy stock.
posted by bz at 2:13 PM on September 9, 2009

The mix here of hubris, rank stupidity and moral hypocrisy makes for like the Chubby Hubby of schadenfreude. We've got the chocolate, the peanut butter and salty pretzels all mixing together for a perfectly balanced and delicious Republican downfall.
posted by The Straightener at 2:17 PM on September 9, 2009 [3 favorites]

The reporter mentioned that "everyone knew" about his sexual exploits because he wouldn't shut up about them. Why did it take this guy blabbing into an open mic (and then another 6 months besides) before anyone heard about it? Especially when it's with a lobbyist he's supposedly regulating (HURF DURF)?

Journalists: You suck even worse than politicians.
posted by DU at 2:20 PM on September 9, 2009 [46 favorites]

Is there a complete transcript of what he said somewhere?
posted by yeoz at 2:20 PM on September 9, 2009

I've got a boatload of Sempra Energy stock.

Is that the new pick-up line?
posted by joe lisboa at 2:20 PM on September 9, 2009 [3 favorites]

It's funny to learn he covered the exact neighborhood I grew up in, near the Brea/Placentia/Yorba Linda borders.

Seriously? I'm a fellow escapee from North Orange County (Fullerton, CA). As you know, Orange County has a long tradition of representation by dirtbags.

I remember my dad and I driving past the office of John Briggs on Harbor Blvd. and I muttered "What a facist" which prompted my dad to go into this long, heated lecture about World War II and Mussolini and "you don't know the meaning of the word!" and ended with "you may not agree with him, but he's not a facist!"

"OK! OK! I'm sorry!" I exclaimed.

Pause.

"But he's still a facist."

I was an early snarker.
posted by potsmokinghippieoverlord at 2:21 PM on September 9, 2009 [4 favorites]

"we're going to get republicans who actually believe deeply in "family values," and deep down in their core think that gays are evil, women on the pill are whores, etc."

I think you are discounting the possibility that these people actually believe their own bullshit. That is, this guy really is hard core for family values, but he didn't think sleeping with a lobbyist went against that. How can this be? Because he's not a Communist, atheist, homosexual, like the anti-family values degenerates.

It's the same sort of thing as with Larry Craig - He's not gay. Because even though he likes to kiss men he's married to a woman, which means by definition he's not gay.

Being hard core for family values just means being against atheist gay perverts. So as long as you aren't an atheist, a gay, or a pervert, you can do what ever you want. Sanford is a good example as well. He doesn't see anything wrong with it, even calling it a grand love story.
posted by y6y6y6 at 2:22 PM on September 9, 2009 [11 favorites]

you must live without memory of the misdeeds of your compatriots

Every time this happens, I have the same thoughts, and I'm reminded of an article I read in Harper's about (the hyper-Xtian parts of) Colorado Springs. The author pointed out that the teens of the Springs do all the same stuff kids always do, with the smoking and the drinking and the sexing and the heavy metalling and so on, but they're socially accepted because their deeds of misdoing are attributed to demonic possession, which, well hell, that could happen to anyone.
posted by Rat Spatula at 2:22 PM on September 9, 2009 [3 favorites]

I M GOIN UP AND DOWEN THE STAIRS
posted by you just lost the game at 2:23 PM on September 9, 2009

"In other words, instead of a bunch of republicans who just talk the "family values" talk but in private behave pretty much like ordinary people, we're going to get republicans who actually believe deeply in "family values," and deep down in their core think that gays are evil, women on the pill are whores, etc. I submit to you that that result is probably worse."

Eh, no, more likely, we'll get another one who just talks the family values talk. There aren't enough truly righteous Republicans to form a caucus.

You should also remember that, as we see with the gays in politics, the ones in the closet are the ones trying their damnedest to prove they're straight and moral. Out Republican gays are just folks who went to Vermont to get married, found the real syrup too expensive, so make their pancakes with Log Cabin (that's fiscal conservatism!).
posted by klangklangston at 2:24 PM on September 9, 2009

Is there a complete transcript of what he said somewhere?

I confess that I was hoping that the unbowdlerized version of his comments would surface. Just for completion's sake.
posted by potsmokinghippieoverlord at 2:24 PM on September 9, 2009

"Of course Duvall comes from a long, long, LONG line of Republican social conservatives who enjoy using morality to argue for denying people their rights while refusing to practice that morality themselves. Duvall was an outspoken supporter of Proposition 8, which apparently meant that heterosexual adultery was less damaging to marriage than a committed same-sex couple being able to get legal recognition of and practical benefits from their marriage by the state. Then again, it's OK if you're a Republican. As long as he's voting against taxes and the gay agenda, I am sure that his OC supporters and right-wing paymasters will be happy to overlook ethical lapses and an inability to keep his sexual practices to himself."*

posted by ericb at 2:24 PM on September 9, 2009 [1 favorite]

The sad thing is, this isn't even real news, let alone FPP-worthy.

Politician runs on family values but then has sex outside of his marriage. Shocking.

Lobbyist uses money/drugs/sex/blackmail/combination to manipulate politician. Also shocking.

Frankly, I think he should be charged with a Federal felony for subverting democracy and do 30+ in the Big House, just in the off chance that it would scare some of these other losers straight.
posted by paisley henosis at 2:25 PM on September 9, 2009 [2 favorites]

...when the papacy was plagued with moral and political corruption, the institution was changed to make it more conservative, not less.

...we're going to get republicans who actually believe deeply in "family values," and deep down in their core think that gays are evil, women on the pill are whores, etc. I submit to you that that result is probably worse.

If the GOP goes from Dark Age-era papal strength to current era strength, I would be pretty happy.
posted by DU at 2:25 PM on September 9, 2009 [3 favorites]

I always thought the rule of four-fifths was more reasonable: if your age is X, then you can be in relationships with people aged between 4X/5 and 5X/4 (inclusive). So if you're 54, then your age range for relationships is 43 through 68. This rule is naturally symmetric- if I am in your age range, you are in mine. Evaluating the rule is, admittedly, more effortful, but since you need only calculate it once per year (on your birthday) and can cache the result until next year, the amortized complexity is quite low.

The more conservative rule of four-fifths is a better guarantee that the person you're considering entering a relationship with will be at a similar place in their life, without being overly restrictive. It gives plausible results over the entire lifespan.

Compare this to the divide-by-2-and-add-seven rule; for a 54 year old, it posits a lower limit of 34, but gives no upper limit. The oldest person P for whom 54 is older than P's lower limit is 94, so if we add a symmetry requirement onto the X/2 + 7 rule then you get an age range of 34 to 94. Preposterous.
posted by Jpfed at 2:26 PM on September 9, 2009 [12 favorites]

Frankly, the conflict of interest bothers me a good deal more than the hypocrisy.

Forget it, Jake. It's Chinatown.
posted by No Robots at 2:27 PM on September 9, 2009 [9 favorites]

adipocere: To be an active politician in the Republican party, you have to live with the knowledge that, should it be expedient, you will be jettisoned and utterly forgotten.

Yeah, but, to be fair, John Edwards.
posted by shakespeherian at 2:27 PM on September 9, 2009 [9 favorites]

He also voted against "prohibiting the use of phthalates in toys and childcare products designed for children under three years of age." WTF?

The lobbyist for the phthalate industry was hot, man. Like, the surface of the sun.
posted by rtha at 2:28 PM on September 9, 2009 [11 favorites]

I don't know why everyone is getting so worked up about this. There's no hypocrisy here. This guy is so family-friendly that he's just trying to make as many families as he possibly can!
posted by Stonewall Jackson at 2:30 PM on September 9, 2009 [7 favorites]

I mean, this guy had not one but two women on the side?

This here is Michael Duvall. This here is the eyepatch undie lobbyist.

I'm announcing my candidacy for California State Assemblyman right here, right now. I'll still sell you out to hot eyepatch undie wearing lobbyists, but at least I won't lie to you about it.

Vote Justinian for CA State Assembly District 42! Watch out Mike Feuer, I'm coming for your job.
posted by Justinian at 2:30 PM on September 9, 2009 [3 favorites]

Note that the statement on his website he doesn't really show remorse or apologize either to his family or his constituents for his misdeeds- he's just "deeply saddened" the comments became a distraction.
posted by Esteemed Offendi at 2:30 PM on September 9, 2009

"I see you're corrupt and tanned to an excessive degree. I am, too. Well, well. How about that?"
posted by ignignokt at 2:31 PM on September 9, 2009 [5 favorites]

After that my guess is that you will never hear from him again. The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he did not exist.
posted by okbye at 2:31 PM on September 9, 2009 [1 favorite]

It's the same sort of thing as with Larry Craig - He's not gay. Because even though he likes to kiss men he's married to a woman, which means by definition he's not gay.

I will bet you a million dollars Larry Craig doesn't kiss men, because that would be gay.

Sucking cocks, on the other hand, is just good healthy stress release between heterosexual men who are not gay or bi at all, no sirree.
posted by Sidhedevil at 2:31 PM on September 9, 2009 [3 favorites]

This is exactly what they said would happen if gay marriage was legalized.
posted by Astro Zombie at 2:31 PM on September 9, 2009 [18 favorites]

The lobbyist for the phthalate industry was hot, man. Like, the surface of the sun.

Heh. Or at least, willing. :)
posted by zarq at 2:31 PM on September 9, 2009

Duvall - D, OC.

Spot on, one million internet points to whoever gets the first screen cap of Fox News switching this guy's party.
posted by borkencode at 2:31 PM on September 9, 2009 [5 favorites]

Also, good god, shouldn't a hazmat team be looking for the stairs that were dripped upon and blocking them off or destroying them, like, right now?
posted by ignignokt at 2:32 PM on September 9, 2009 [1 favorite]

Jpfed: Compare this to the divide-by-2-and-add-seven rule; for a 54 year old, it posits a lower limit of 34, but gives no upper limit. The oldest person P for whom 54 is older than P's lower limit is 94, so if we add a symmetry requirement onto the X/2 + 7 rule then you get an age range of 34 to 94. Preposterous.

So you would object, on moral grounds, to a 94 year old dating a 54 year old? Why?
posted by paisley henosis at 2:33 PM on September 9, 2009 [3 favorites]

The story is nicely self-contained, and there isn't really much else to say about it. Except you guys left out the juiciest quote, and I mean that literally:

"we had made love Wednesday--a lot! And so she'll, she's all, 'I am going 
up and down the stairs, and you're dripping out of me!' So messy!"

posted by delmoi at 2:34 PM on September 9, 2009 [2 favorites]

> I understand that the archetypal sequence of events is that first you get the money, then you get the power, then you get the women.

Yeah...boy oh boy do cases like this one ever speak poorly of both genders.
posted by Stonewall Jackson at 2:34 PM on September 9, 2009

I don't see the problem he'll have with his constituency. Corporal punishment and the right to spank naughty children is a conservative issue. And she was being naughty. Very naughty.
posted by dances_with_sneetches at 2:36 PM on September 9, 2009 [1 favorite]

So a gray-haired Republican politician inadvisedly hooked up with a decades-younger, hot woman with connections to the energy industry, causing adverse consequences to his career.

I get it now. It's an homage to McCain-Palin!
posted by brain_drain at 2:37 PM on September 9, 2009 [16 favorites]

I find it funny that the only links for pictures of Heidi Barsuglia result in database errors - too many active connections!

I also find it sad that I know this because I looked them up.
posted by synthetik at 2:37 PM on September 9, 2009

Sucking cocks, on the other hand

I always liked this formulation.
posted by Rat Spatula at 2:37 PM on September 9, 2009 [1 favorite]

Jpfed: well, two things.

First I think in the article his mistress is implying that he's using the divide-by-two-and-add-seven rule as the upper bound for his mistress's age. Second, you can get the (non-creepy) upper bound by just using the inverse function:

partner upper age bound = (your age - 7) * 2
posted by Reverend John at 2:39 PM on September 9, 2009

I mean, this guy had not one but two women on the side?

Yes. Sign me up for the elected office that is the target of gold-digging whores. I may not have any ethics, but I can keep my damn mouth shut. Profit!
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 2:39 PM on September 9, 2009 [2 favorites]

From his resignation statement:

"I am deeply saddened that my inappropriate comments have become a major distraction for my colleagues in the Assembly, who are working hard on the very serious problems facing our state. I have come to the conclusion that it would not be fair to my family, my constituents or to my friends on both sides of the aisle to remain in office. Therefore, I have decided to resign my office, effective immediately, so that the Assembly can get back to work."

Typical. He's "deeply saddened" that his comments have caused all these problems. This is a textbook "I'm sorry I got caught"-style apology.
posted by The Card Cheat at 2:41 PM on September 9, 2009 [6 favorites]

This is exactly what they said would happen if gay marriage was legalized.

Au contraire, mon frère!

Massachusetts Enjoying Decreasing Divorce Rate Because of Gay Marriage?

posted by ericb at 2:42 PM on September 9, 2009 [2 favorites]

The dumbass tag is missing.
posted by chillmost at 2:42 PM on September 9, 2009

And he voted against the ban on Holding Pets While Driving!

Wait, what? This was an item of enough interest that there was a BILL ON IT?
posted by filthy light thief at 2:44 PM on September 9, 2009

Are people really objecting to lobbyists getting spanked?
posted by Crabby Appleton at 2:46 PM on September 9, 2009 [4 favorites]

I can't help but feel bad for the husbands. Knowing your wife was out boning a guy like that must cause a decade's worth of therapy bills to repair the self esteem damage.
posted by cmonkey at 2:47 PM on September 9, 2009 [2 favorites]

As far as I know, the "Half-Your-Age-Plus-Seven Rule" was introduced by Cyril Northcote Parkinson, also the author of Parkinson's Law ("Work expands so as to fill the time available for its completion.") I believe he originally proposed it as the ideal age of the wife of a businessman, deliberately not bothering to note that it would logically require trading in your wife every two years for a younger one. Its adaptation as a minimum age for dating a younger person (for either sex) to avoid creepiness was assigned to it later by others, mostly because it actually works reasonably well for the purpose.

That would place the origin of the "Rule" at around 1958. I have never seen a reference to it earlier than that, although that does not necessarily mean that Parkinson was the first to use it; I think, however, that he most likely was.
posted by kyrademon at 2:48 PM on September 9, 2009 [10 favorites]

He's "deeply saddened" that his comments have caused all these problems. This is a textbook "I'm sorry I got caught"-style apology.

"I am deeply saddened you jealous bitches can't get laid with hot chicks like I do." Jesus, whatever happened to real apologies?
posted by electroboy at 2:48 PM on September 9, 2009

In other words, instead of a bunch of republicans who just talk the "family values" talk but in private behave pretty much like ordinary people, we're going to get republicans who actually believe deeply in "family values," and deep down in their core think that gays are evil, women on the pill are whores, etc.

You can't have one without the other.
posted by krinklyfig at 2:49 PM on September 9, 2009

BTW, the Republican Party is not the Papacy.
posted by krinklyfig at 2:49 PM on September 9, 2009

Are people really objecting to lobbyists getting spanked?

Yes, if they're enjoying it.
posted by Rat Spatula at 2:50 PM on September 9, 2009 [3 favorites]

This is a textbook "I'm sorry I got caught"-style apology.

I think he may be laying the groundwork for the classic "I didn't actually have sex with her-- I was just talking shit with my buddies" defense.
posted by dersins at 2:52 PM on September 9, 2009

Power corrupts. Absolute power gets even a loser laid.What I find a bit odd: that he tattles on to his pals about his adulterous affairs. Is this to make him seem more manly?
posted by Postroad at 2:53 PM on September 9, 2009

At least this dude buys local unlike Sanford.
posted by PenDevil at 2:56 PM on September 9, 2009 [2 favorites]

"I am deeply saddened you jealous bitches can't get laid with hot chicks like I do." Jesus, whatever happened to real apologies?

I somehow doubt that's going to be the case going forward (Unless he's paying for it)
posted by delmoi at 2:57 PM on September 9, 2009

hil.ar.ious.

What is it with some people and their need to share their sex lives with acquaintances? WTF, TMI. I so much don't care who you're fucking or how well you're doing it.
posted by five fresh fish at 2:58 PM on September 9, 2009

Compare this to the divide-by-2-and-add-seven rule; for a 54 year old, it posits a lower limit of 34, but gives no upper limit.

As a gentleman, I'm never looking for that upper limit you speak of. I'm looking for the youngest socially-acceptable companion, not the cougars. Once I hit that plateau every man is supposed to have, I'm just going to go with the tarts from there on out. Eastern European accent? Please apply in person.

Also, I use the same equation as M. C. Escher's father: 1/2 the man's age + 10. And I read that in a book.

I pity that Duvall guy too. His sex life must've been on the ropes if he discovered spanking at his age. The boasts were really immature and not from someone who knows their way around a four-poster.
posted by jsavimbi at 2:59 PM on September 9, 2009 [2 favorites]

Yeah, but, to be fair, John Edwards.

Yeah but, to be fair, John Edwards hasn't been mind-swiped from the collective Democratic consciousness so much as "elevated" to a "can-you-believe-he-was-dumb-enough-to-collectively-and-rhetorically-fuck-us-all-cuz-he-couldn't-keep-his-dick-in-his-pants-ville" status. I mean, it's no compliment or anything, but you still have Edwards' presidential campaign advisors being interviewed as credible sources on various cable political shows (I know, I know). It's not there's a sense of HIS NAME SHOULD NOT BE SPOKEN vibe to it so much as a collective facepalm. And yes, there's a world of difference oh two-dimensional GOP talking point recitation machine.
posted by joe lisboa at 3:01 PM on September 9, 2009 [2 favorites]

...and that's when Assemblyman Duvall noticed a suspicious bulge in the collar of an autistic child crouched behind the ficus.
posted by Sys Rq at 3:02 PM on September 9, 2009 [8 favorites]

BTW, the Republican Party is not the Papacy.

Of course it's not. How could it be? Half of them think the Pope is the Antichrist.
posted by Flunkie at 3:04 PM on September 9, 2009 [3 favorites]

Journalists: You suck even worse than politicians.

Oh gimme a break. Better late than never, especially when the alternative is that this worm keeps fucking his lobbyists and screwing his constituents.
posted by CunningLinguist at 3:06 PM on September 9, 2009 [1 favorite]

In other words, instead of a bunch of republicans who just talk the "family values" talk but in private behave pretty much like ordinary people, we're going to get republicans who actually believe deeply in "family values," and deep down in their core think that gays are evil, women on the pill are whores, etc.

So, by your reasoning, instead of having:

A. A bunch of Republicans who just talk the "family values" talk while voting in laws that hurt gays and independent women on the assumption the public opinion agrees they are "evil" and "whores".

We'll have:

B. A bunch of Republicans who actually believe deeply in "family values," and deep down in their core think gay people are "evil" and women on the pill are "whores", while still voting in the same laws that hurt gays and independent women because of the same public opinion that they are "evil" and "whores".

I submit to you that that result is probably worse.

When my rights are continually up for grabs because of conservative mob rule, these two situations seem pretty damn similar from where I'm sitting. I don't know about you. I'd prefer to get these hypocrites out of our system, period.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 3:08 PM on September 9, 2009 [5 favorites]

Ya know, it must be so fun to be a reporter doing this sort of thing. Chasing some creepy power-lusting, lobbyist-owned, sex-addicted asshole down the hallway like that.

I'm surprised reporters don't do it more often. Why do they want to be so pleasant with our politicians? For the past decade or more, the White House Press Room has been a sycophantic love-in regardless the asshole who's at the podium. Makes no sense.
posted by five fresh fish at 3:09 PM on September 9, 2009

I'm surprised reporters don't do it more often. Why do they want to be so pleasant with our politicians? For the past decade or more, the White House Press Room has been a sycophantic love-in regardless the asshole who's at the podium. Makes no sense.

The allure of power, privilege and exclusivity.
posted by zarq at 3:13 PM on September 9, 2009 [1 favorite]

I won't believe it until I see the standard press-conference pic of this guy making the :-C face.

Hint: if you're making the :-C face, you're GUILTY AS SHIT.
posted by hangashore at 3:15 PM on September 9, 2009 [14 favorites]

CunningLinguist : especially when the alternative is that this worm keeps fucking his lobbyists and screwing his constituents.

I see what you did there.
posted by quin at 3:16 PM on September 9, 2009

BTW, the Republican Party is not the Papacy.
Of course it's not. How could it be? Half of them think the Pope is the Antichrist.

Uh, that's ... generous? No, seriously, I hope that's generous because the Catholics I know -- including the ones who raised me and raised me right -- were at least ideologically consistent and intelligent enough to know that braying about being "pro-life" and "christian" meant putting your money where your goddamn mouth is. You know: on behalf of the poorest, hungriest, most rejected and dejected among us. Just sayin'. I've discovered a convenient proxy for selfish idiocy: if you subscribe to "prosperity theology" (just typing it makes my skin crawl and my brain devolve) then I know enough. You're either stupid, exploited or some combination thereof. The only reasonable responses are pity or ... ah, fuck it. You know the deal by now. You don't make up for your sins in church. You do it in the streets. You do it at home. The rest is bullshit and you know it.
posted by joe lisboa at 3:19 PM on September 9, 2009 [10 favorites]

...and that's when Assemblyman Duvall noticed a suspicious bulge in the collar of an autistic child crouched behind the ficus.

I'm not sure where this porn is going, but I LIKE IT!
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 3:23 PM on September 9, 2009 [7 favorites]

Both his girlfriends were married too. This ain't just about men.
posted by fourcheesemac at 3:26 PM on September 9, 2009 [8 favorites]

Both his girlfriends were married too. This ain't just about men.

Can we get an "AMEN!"?
posted by joe lisboa at 3:28 PM on September 9, 2009 [1 favorite]

"As far as I'm concerned, that is the end of the matter."
posted by koeselitz at 3:29 PM on September 9, 2009 [5 favorites]

I am saddest for California. The state has been in a downward spiral for the last fifteen years due to leadership like his. Sempra sapped California, education is getting gutted, the Legislature is so divided it can't move the simplest needs of the state forward.

From Schwarzenegger to the mayor of Los Angeles, they're just pathetic.

The only thing that makes me feel even sadder is the Bush-Cheney years.
posted by effluvia at 3:38 PM on September 9, 2009 [2 favorites]

Both his girlfriends were married too. This ain't just about men.

It's not the same thing.

By sleeping with these women, this male assemblyman was impairing his job performance by having his decision-making turned against the best interests of his employers (the state).

By sleeping with this committee chairman, the female lobbyists were very much helping their employers.

Conclusion: They're more effective: they don't fuck around when they fuck around.

Unethical women do it better.
posted by rokusan at 3:40 PM on September 9, 2009 [2 favorites]

By sleeping with these women, this male assemblyman was impairing his job performance by having his decision-making turned against the best interests of his employers (the state).

Sadly, the idea that a Republican politician worries about the best interests of his employers is rather...quaint.
posted by you just lost the game at 3:42 PM on September 9, 2009 [3 favorites]

Is that seriously an XKCD reference?

The half your age plus seven rule is referenced in The Moon is Blue starring David Niven, 1953.
posted by tenmuses at 3:49 PM on September 9, 2009 [8 favorites]

Why do they want to be so pleasant with our politicians?

Most people working in political journalism see themselves as part of the club. I certainly know when I worked in the sector the parliamentary reporters spend precious little time back at the office (unlike all the other reporters) and were more or less part of the club at parliament.
posted by rodgerd at 3:53 PM on September 9, 2009 [1 favorite]

Frankly, the conflict of interest bothers me a good deal more than the hypocrisy.

Exactly. Nearly all the comments on all the news stories and blog posts about this (including here) are written by people who are *SHOCKED* (or amused) at how this pro-family values shit bag had the moral turpitude to commit *gasp* adultery. This is a guy who helps to make energy policy for 40 million Californians. So if you are the CEO of an energy company, all you have to do is send some perky young blonde in pirate underwear to get spanked by some fat old white slob? Honestly, if the system could become any more blatantly corrupt, I cannot imagine how that would work.

Well politicians got lipstick on their collar
The whole media startin' ta holler
Well I don't give a fuck who they screwin' in private
I want to know who they screwin' in public.
Robbin', stealin', cheatin'
McDonald eatin'
You deserve a beatin'
Send you home a-weepin'
With a fat bill for your Caribbean weekend
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 3:54 PM on September 9, 2009 [5 favorites]

I can't help but feel bad for the husbands. Knowing your wife was out boning a guy like that must cause a decade's worth of therapy bills to repair the self esteem damage.

I suspect the new swimming pool and Lexus they bought with their wives' lobbyist bonuses may help assuage that damage a bit.
posted by darkstar at 3:55 PM on September 9, 2009 [2 favorites]

Wow, for all their preachy Christian stuff, the Republican Party seems to be freaking FULL of hypocritical unfaithful womanizing assholes. Is that an official qualification to join the Republican Party if you're male, or is it just an unofficial one?
posted by jamstigator at 4:06 PM on September 9, 2009

And hypocritical unfaithful manizing assholes, too.
posted by Flunkie at 4:07 PM on September 9, 2009 [1 favorite]

The sad thing is, from his point of view, the only crime here is that he got caught.
posted by KokuRyu at 4:09 PM on September 9, 2009 [2 favorites]

I can't help but feel bad for the husbands. Knowing your wife was out boning a guy like that must cause a decade's worth of therapy bills to repair the self esteem damage.

I suspect the new swimming pool and Lexus they bought with their wives' lobbyist bonuses may help assuage that damage a bit.

Right, because I'm sure there's absolutely no chance that the hot lobbyists' husband(s) screw around on their wives. They're innocent cuckolded bystanders is all.

Hey, drive-by judgment is fun. Especially in Elul.
posted by yiftach at 4:10 PM on September 9, 2009

Honestly, if the system could become any more blatantly corrupt, I cannot imagine how that would work.

One could skip the panties and appoint the lobbyists to run the departments directly.

Which has also happened an awful lot lately.
posted by rokusan at 4:12 PM on September 9, 2009 [1 favorite]

And hypocritical unfaithful manizing assholes, too.

Great name for a band, but bluntly: they were doing their job.

They were just doing it in a much more hands-on and direct way than we're comfortable with. (I'd say "brazen" but that'd sound sexist.)

But really, not much difference. Favors for access, more favors for policy. Repeat as necessary.
posted by rokusan at 4:14 PM on September 9, 2009

Huh? I don't understand why you wouldn't give them the benefit of the doubt, that they are innocent cuckolded bystanders. At the very least, it's not inconceivable. Why would you assume otherwise?

But in any case, I would bet that if they are screwing around on their wives, they're probably doing it with someone that they find attractive. This is certainly not meant as mitigation; it is meant merely as relating to cmonkey's original point on this matter.
posted by Flunkie at 4:15 PM on September 9, 2009 [1 favorite]

Both his girlfriends were married too. This ain't just about men.

"Lobbyists having unethical sexual relationships with elected officials, most likely at least in part to advance their clients' agendas" does not seem as problematic to me, because I expect lobbyists to do unethical shit to advance their clients' agendas. Also, neither lobbyist (if the identifications of them are correct) are involved in pushing a "family values" agenda.

Elected officials having unethical sexual relationships with lobbyists strikes me as more of a problem. Especially when the elected officials are pushing a "family values" agenda as well.

Yes, all three people are adulterers (presumably). But only one person is abusing the public trust.
posted by Sidhedevil at 4:16 PM on September 9, 2009 [1 favorite]

What a fucking, hypocritical, unethical jackass. People like this are destroying the United States of America. Schadenfreude? Nope, pure, righteous, hot anger, that a prick like this would so casually exploit and be exploited by corporate interests, damaging the very people he likely made exalted promises to. I am so sick of these preachy, condescending, holier-than-thou, pious, lying, greedy pricks fucking up my country. I half hope there really is a Jesus, and big old whiteman god in the sky, so that you can suffer for the evils you committed. You deserve every punishment, embarrassment, and loss California can dish out, you horny old fool.
posted by theora55 at 4:26 PM on September 9, 2009 [9 favorites]

"Lobbyists having unethical sexual relationships with elected officials, most likely at least in part to advance their clients' agendas" does not seem as problematic to me, because I expect lobbyists to do unethical shit to advance their clients' agendas.

That's an "Appeal To Widespread Belief" fallacy, and should in no way excuse their behavior. Lobbyists are supposed to adhere to ethical standards and have an obligation to themselves and the people they represent to do so.

But only one person is abusing the public trust.

I beg to differ. A person who corrupts a public servant is still committing a deliberate abuse of the public trust, whether that servant is a willing participant or no.
posted by zarq at 4:36 PM on September 9, 2009 [16 favorites]

And hypocritical unfaithful manizing assholes, too.

Great name for a band, but bluntly: they were doing their job.

I think that was a joke about the recent spate of Republican closet cases.
posted by electroboy at 4:41 PM on September 9, 2009

Seems like as good a place as any to ask: Is there a thread that's looking like it might be used for talking about Obama's speech tonight?
posted by Flunkie at 4:42 PM on September 9, 2009

But only one person is abusing the public trust.

All 3 people are acting unethically. "It's their job" is not an excuse. One of these 3 is also acting illegally (I assume) and the other two are acting in a way that should be illegal (bribing a public official) if it isn't already.
posted by DU at 4:48 PM on September 9, 2009

There are only two explanations for the spate of Oops! Mike on! in recent years.

1) Sounds tecs are deliberately being lazy with Republican speakers.

2) Republicans can't stop talking about sex.
posted by The Whelk at 4:53 PM on September 9, 2009 [3 favorites]

Mics are like guns people, act like they always on.
posted by fuq at 4:53 PM on September 9, 2009 [3 favorites]

Is there a thread that's looking like it might be used for talking about Obama's speech tonight?

If he inadvertantly talks about boning ladies, this one will do nicely.

Otherwise: MeCha will likely have one.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 4:54 PM on September 9, 2009

(bribing a public official)

Is there a precise dollar amount you had in mind?
posted by Sys Rq at 4:54 PM on September 9, 2009

$20, same as in town
posted by DU at 4:56 PM on September 9, 2009 [2 favorites]

A thought: Elected officials are required to report gifts they receive while in office, right? I say that should apply to sexual favors as well. We can exempt spouses from this, of course, which in turn ought to encourage the Republican closet cases to hop on the marriage equality train.
posted by Faint of Butt at 4:58 PM on September 9, 2009 [1 favorite]

All 3 people are acting unethically.

One much more heinously than the others.

Sure, all lobbying should be outlawed, somehow. Not that it can happen on Earth, but in this impossible utopia, business interests would have to make their arguments for funds in full public light. Would that work?

Closing the legislatures wouldn't really do much (K Streets would replace literal lobbies).

Would we have to store all politicians in seclusion during their terms and not allow them any non-public communications? Do we structure the face-time and communications with public officials so that Rick the stocker at Wal-Mart gets exactly as many minutes of conversation and phone calls returned as Bunny Pirate Pants from Sempra Energy?

I'm not sure, in other words, what even an ideal situation would be here. How do you stop the corruption that seems implicit in lobbying?
posted by rokusan at 4:58 PM on September 9, 2009 [1 favorite]

I think Pastabagel, way up at the top of the thread, has an interesting point. Revelations like this are always fun, but let's not lose sight of what's likely to happen: it's not like the people who voted this guy into power are suddenly going to elect someone much more liberal as a result of this guy's failure to live the Ward Cleaver lifestyle he preached. If anything, they're likely to elect a real true believer next time around. Or at least someone who's better at the act.

Schadenfreude is fun, but this guy got elected; he didn't just stumble into the job by accident. The voters who elected him are still out there, and I don't see how trouser-snake incidents like this have really caused them to stop electing hypocritical authoritarian social conservatives. If anything, it seems like there's probably an opportunity for someone who has their dirty secrets buried that much deeper as a result.

I mean, all this guy was doing was having consensual sex with other married people—that's small beans in the scheme of things. What do you think his replacement will be into? The voters are going to demand someone with a lot more control over themselves…maybe the occasional BTK? Extra multigenerational "family" in the basement, Austria-style?

After all, this guy's only problem was that he got caught. If only he'd been into some dirtier shit, stuff that he'd never brag about to anyone, he'd be just fine and enjoying the comfortable life of public office.

It's not the politicians who resign that you have to worry about, it's the creepily perfect ones—who nonetheless want to get up in everybody else's bedroom lives—who never get asked to.
posted by Kadin2048 at 5:00 PM on September 9, 2009 [1 favorite]

Obama's speech tonight?
If he inadvertantly talks about boning ladies, this one will do nicely.

I'm now going to listen to this speech, while mentally adding "in bed" to the end of each sentence.
posted by rokusan at 5:02 PM on September 9, 2009 [2 favorites]

The focus seems to be on the assemblyman, but to me the most troubling aspect is that this sexual liaison might well be this woman's job. That this is not a tryst, but a systemic tool used by lobbying groups to garner votes. I don't buy the allure of power angle. That she was "drawn" to him.

No.

Assemblyman Duvall is not appealing in any way.

I would not be satisfied merely with this man's resignation. In fact, his hasty resignation may well be an attempt to ground this scandal before the most disturbing aspect of it is uncovered, that this sort of thing is the rule, not the exception. I'd want the "lobbyists" investigated as well. I would not be surprised to find out that a number of lobbying groups employ prostitution as part of their service package.

If Obama has any sense, he'll fan the flames of this into a conflagration. Let the GOP become consumed by their own puritan flames of sexual misconduct while he pushes health care reform through. One of the reasons Clinton was not removed from office despite the fabricated impeachment from the House was the resignation of Gingrich and Livingston after revelations of their marital infidelity. As that conflagration spread to Henry Hyde, it became clear to the GOP that they weren't going to succeed in ousting Clinton and their jihad for purity was doing more damage to themselves.

Even someone as loathsomely compromised as Ken Starr never tried to suggest that Clinton was receiving diddle privileges from Lewinsky in exchange for political favors. She was just someone to monkey around with. A fuck buddy. But Duvall is selling out his constituents for handjobs. That merits serious prison time in my book.

Are Dems susceptible to this? Sure. But the GOP's endless drumbeat for purity, sanctity, honor, and a sacred, sexless covenant with our holy redeemer makes their misadventures much more relevant. And I'm willing to wager that a war of attrition on this issue will claim more of their side.
posted by Brosef K at 5:03 PM on September 9, 2009 [15 favorites]

If anything, they're likely to elect a real true believer next time around.

What's the difference, really?

If Duvall gets a perfect score from the Capitol Resource Institute for taking equal rights away from Americans and codifying bigotry into law, I'm hard pressed to see how a "real true believer" can do much worse.

Can anyone who keeps belittling people's legitimate anger by calling it "schadenfreude" just answer this simple question?
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 5:10 PM on September 9, 2009 [7 favorites]

From a social perspective, I am absolutely indifferent when it comes to marital infidelity and, Dem or Republican, I just don't think the public has any business scrutinizing the sexual proclivities of any politician, athlete, or celebrity.

But... if that infidelity is being purchased with my tax dollars and my air quality, water quality, health care, education, employment is being degraded because "my" representative is getting his dick sucked in exchange for throwing me and my family under the bus, then he's officially made it my business.
posted by Brosef K at 5:11 PM on September 9, 2009 [11 favorites]

Yeah, I don't get how a "true believer" would be worse. They'd be passing all the same backwards laws, but at least some religious nutjobs actually do care about the (non-gay, Christian-only, male-dominated) public and might be doing oversight on basic services like energy rather than sexing up the lobbyists.
posted by DU at 5:22 PM on September 9, 2009 [3 favorites]

Can anyone who keeps belittling people's legitimate anger by calling it "schadenfreude" just answer this simple question?

The two aren't mutually exclusive.
posted by acb at 5:30 PM on September 9, 2009

From the 9/8/09 O.C. Weekly article's comment section:

Here's to the Golden State's Mike!
Hot pussy he very much like.
A spewer of cum
So incredibly dumb,
He can't even turn off a mic!
posted by applemeat at 5:37 PM on September 9, 2009 [2 favorites]

any kind. Well, at least the ones not involving illegal activity. If the guy was otherwise doing his job, and his oh-so-kinky sex life wasn't effecting his constituents and the political process, I say why should we give a fuck? If folks want to vote him out next time around, fine. If his wife wants a divorce, fine. Otherwise I am officially uninterested. I haven't read the details about this guy, and if in fact he was impeding the political process in anyway because of the affair, then sure, throw your pitchforks. Otherwise, get your jollies elsewhere.
posted by zardoz at 5:44 PM on September 9, 2009

No meth? No hookers (not per se anyway)? Opposite gender? Sheesh, this guy is saintly. I'd say he is holding up his end of family values quite well. I'm disappointed.

The real sin is the bragging and lack of discretion. Seriously, blabbing to some guy in committee? That is some seriously bad class. Plus untrustworthy.

At least we don't have to suffer through him bawling his eyes out in some press conference with the wife and kids in the background "supporting" him in this "tough time"
posted by Bovine Love at 5:45 PM on September 9, 2009

I haven't read the details about this guy

Or even the text of this brief post. But the important thing is, you have (what you think is a contrarian) opinion.
posted by DU at 5:47 PM on September 9, 2009 [6 favorites]

Right, because I'm sure there's absolutely no chance that the hot lobbyists' husband(s) screw around on their wives. They're innocent cuckolded bystanders is all.

Hey, drive-by judgment is fun. Especially in Elul.


That's a rather freakish knee-jerk response, given that:

1. We have no evidence/comments/whatever that the hubbies have been unfaithful, while the opposite is true of the wives.

2. In any event, my comment drew no inference about whether the hubbies were unfaithful, so the criticism of "drive by judgment" is a non sequitur anyway.
posted by darkstar at 6:01 PM on September 9, 2009

In the words of Molly Ivins regarding conventional wisdom in Texas politics: "If you can't drink their whisky, take their money, screw their women and vote against 'em anyway, you don't belong in the legislature."

Is it unfeminist to call someone Queen Lizard from the Planet Bo-Tox? Okay, I guess I shouldn't do that then.
posted by Countess Elena at 6:03 PM on September 9, 2009 [2 favorites]

Cool quote from Obama's speech just now, paraphrased:

"We did not come here to fear the future, we came here to shape it."
posted by darkstar at 6:04 PM on September 9, 2009 [6 favorites]

Gop response: "Replacing your family’s current health care with government-run health care is not the answer. In fact, it’ll make health care much more expensive."

Republicans have absolutely no respect for their constituents. I think a lot of Republicans are misinformed, but Rep. Boustany knows every one of his voters is a mouth-breathing retard. Obama's speech was nice and inspiring and what not, but he still thinks he can work with the Republicans when they're heckling him during a speech to Congress. What is it going to take to get him to shut them down?
posted by stavrogin at 6:21 PM on September 9, 2009 [1 favorite]

That this is not a tryst, but a systemic tool used by lobbying groups to garner votes.

Um... yes? Of course it is?

The only maybe-unusual thing here is that they did it themselves, rather than sent hookers.

Am I the only one who assumes he was talking freely and foolishly to other assemblymen because this was really not unusual?
posted by rokusan at 6:34 PM on September 9, 2009 [1 favorite]

Resign? In Italy, a man exactly like this but immensly richer and powerful is made Prime Minister, because as he says "people wish to be like me" so they vote him. Except that people don't realize that the odds of becoming him in your lifetime are infinitely close to zero and while you daydream about being him, he makes your life so miserable you forever keep on daydreaming in an infinte loop clusterfuck.
posted by elpapacito at 6:41 PM on September 9, 2009 [2 favorites]

Aaargh! Where's that edit button, already? I'm sick of all of these sex scandals of...any kind.
posted by zardoz at 6:46 PM on September 9, 2009

The only maybe-unusual thing here is that they did it themselves, rather than sent hookers.

And this is why it's no fun being a female lobbyist: the male lobbyists get to send hookers.

The female lobbyists probably have to type their own memos and make their own coffee, too. Stupid lobbyists.
posted by Sidhedevil at 7:07 PM on September 9, 2009 [4 favorites]

"The half your age plus seven rule is referenced in The Moon is Blue starring David Niven, 1953."

Also in one of Heinlein's juveniles, though I suspect it was "have Space Suit, Will Travel" from '58. God damn it I hate Sonny Bono and Disney that this stuff isn't in the public domain and greppable.

"I suspect the new swimming pool and Lexus they bought with their wives' lobbyist bonuses may help assuage that damage a bit."

I can't speak for everyone but if this was a surprise that wouldn't assuage me in the slightest.
posted by Mitheral at 7:21 PM on September 9, 2009

True enough, Mitheral. It wouldn't help me, either. I was mainly being sarcastic, I guess, but on reflection, it's an unworthy observation. In fact, I'd be devastated if I found out that my partner (if I had one) were cheating on me with anyone for any reason and I suspect most people would feel the same.
posted by darkstar at 7:31 PM on September 9, 2009

No, seriously, what in the hell is "eye patch underwear"?
Is it a thong?
Because it looks like an eyepatch?
If... you don't know what a thong is?
posted by NikitaNikita at 7:47 PM on September 9, 2009

the Catholics I know -- including the ones who raised me and raised me right -- were at least ideologically consistent and intelligent enough to know that braying about being "pro-life" and "christian" meant putting your money where your goddamn mouth is.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't this come down to some kind of fundamental rift between Catholicism and Protestantism? Protestants believe that you can be saved by faith alone, ie accepting Jesus as your personal lord and savior. Catholics believe faith alone can not save you; it must be accompanied by works.

I never told my Jesuit teachers I was sorry for something I did, because their inevitable response would be "I don't care if your sorry. SHOW me your sorry."
posted by Acromion at 7:52 PM on September 9, 2009 [2 favorites]

"No, seriously, what in the hell is 'eye patch underwear'?
"Is it a thong?
"Because it looks like an eyepatch?
"If... you don't know what a thong is?"

I'm going to guess thongs at the extreme end of brevity.
posted by Mitheral at 7:58 PM on September 9, 2009

To reiterate: Infidelity? Don't care. Age difference? Don't care. Crude language into open mic? Please. Anyone who's watched 15 minutes of the Real World will not be offended by his remarks about panties. Sanctity of government chamber as inappropriate venue for guy talk? Boys will be boys. I can't blame him for that. Religious bigot revealed as hypocrite? Even that I could care less about. Most canny people already know what lies at the core of such buffoonery.

The one and only issue here for me is my interests, my livelihood, my health, and my welfare being sold out.

The fact that it's being sold out for sex doesn't really add much fuel to the fire. If he was taking twinkies or adorable stuffed bears for his corruption, I'd still feel equally furious. This effing nation will deploy half a precinct of law enforcement officials to entice an illiterate Guatemalan laborer to sort of "solicit" the services of a police woman-as-hooker in his ambiguous broken English (and no, I didn't pull that example out of my ass. I sat on the jury of that trial in a state who shall remain unnamed), but this Duvall is so completely certain of his position as well within the confines of normal behavior for a man in his profession that he'll chat up another assemblyman in casual banter about the lobbyists he's banging for votes.

Steal small and your ass is warehoused. Steal big and you're an entrepreneur. A hero. An inspiration. A leader.

The thing that makes me furious is that I want other people to be at least as furious as I am, and rise above the cynical "oh, there they go again" dismissal that so cavalierly winks at the deep-rooted corruption that is NOT the norm. And should NOT be the norm. That's the first step, reinstalling the "get pissed at corruption" filter that may be in sore need of an upgrade.

Upgrade that firmware, bitches!
posted by Brosef K at 8:18 PM on September 9, 2009 [10 favorites]

I expect that all husbands of female lobbyists are having a very serious conversation tonight.
posted by bottlebrushtree at 8:22 PM on September 9, 2009 [4 favorites]

What in the hell is 'eye patch underwear'?

Underwear that makes you say arrrrrr when it gets stuck in yer nether treasures.
posted by rokusan at 8:24 PM on September 9, 2009 [4 favorites]

In Italy, a man exactly like this but immensly richer and powerful is made Prime Minister, because as he says "people wish to be like me" so they vote him.

Papacito, that's the same deception the US media endorses when it pushes ideas like "vote for the guy you'd like to have a beer with" as some kind of valid criteria.
posted by rokusan at 8:27 PM on September 9, 2009

"We did not come here to fear the future, we came here to shape spank it."
posted by homunculus at 8:48 PM on September 9, 2009

Acromion: Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't this come down to some kind of fundamental rift between Catholicism and Protestantism?

Indeed. It's works righteousness vs. sola fide.
posted by mhum at 8:57 PM on September 9, 2009 [2 favorites]

i love when politicians don't realize the microphone is on...it's almost as good as when their skin splits, revealing the lizard people inside.
posted by sexyrobot at 8:58 PM on September 9, 2009 [1 favorite]

This happened in July. Where's the tape been all this time? Who was the guy he was talking to?

Why did it come out yesterday, and who leaked it? Why wasn't it destroyed or made public in July?
posted by merelyglib at 9:12 PM on September 9, 2009 [1 favorite]

A person who corrupts a public servant is still committing a deliberate abuse of the public trust, whether that servant is a willing participant or no.

A person who corrupts a public servant such that that servant makes decisions that do not benefit the greater good, is a person who is committing treason against the country.

Both Canada and the USA need to learn fast that the only way we survive as a country is to ensure the greater public good is served, and start punishing the miscreants who are greedily destroying our future.

Or in other words, it's time to be pissed off, and pissed off angry. We need a radical cleansing and v2.0 agile refactoring of our political and economic systems, or our countries are going to become nations like China: a few elite — politicians, entertainers, financiers, CEOs — who have lives of unbelievable luxury, and a lot of ghettoized, ruralized peasant-labourers, ruled absolutely in almost every aspect of their life.

Unless we establish a system where greedy miscreants don't make sure they get all the advantages, we're headed to a future of Freedom? That's a rich man's game.

IOW, if you don't want your grand-children or grand-children to be economic slaves to the ruling overclass, you sure as hell better get your shit together and put a stop to it in your next election. We have very few chances left to steer this thing back on course.

We need to start thinking ahead in our children's best interests.
posted by five fresh fish at 9:15 PM on September 9, 2009 [4 favorites]

Is there a thread that's looking like it might be used for talking about Obama's speech tonight?

And BTW, while it didn't hit MeFi (thank goodness), I did notice that the regular media were attempting to kick up a shitstorm about Obama's speech to the kids.

Media like that, and people like that, are the reason we can't have nice things. More pointedly, it's one of the reasons you can't have nice healthcare. I hope everyone on MeFi has made the active effort to call in the supposedly "real" news stations — I exclude Fox, it is pointless to contact them¹ — and chastise them for treating their responsibility frivolously. They are acting as enablers for the batshitinsane 20%. We, as a society, desperately need to quit letting those fuckers steer the ship of public opinions. WTF!

I am so glad MeFi didn't engage in the same behaviour.
posted by five fresh fish at 9:19 PM on September 9, 2009 [2 favorites]

¹ Contact their advertisers instead. Do a quick google, you'll discover Glenn Beck's show is on the line, because more than 30 advertisers have pulled. One company pulled all advertising from Fox! Give them a [heroes] tag!
posted by five fresh fish at 9:21 PM on September 9, 2009 [1 favorite]

Uh, why did everyone assume this loser was banging said lady? My experience is guys who say stuff like this don't really get laid by the people they say they are.

Think of it this way: he's telling some guy about whole dialog segments he has with this woman? Who talks like that? I really don't know that many 50-year old dudes who act that stupidly and crassly who are regularly getting laid by 20-years younger women who have an ounce of taste.

This guy says this stuff and steps out for a bathroom break.
posted by Ironmouth at 9:44 PM on September 9, 2009

Elitism itself is a commodity. And privilege is an end, not a means.
posted by Smedleyman at 10:13 PM on September 9, 2009

You sure as hell better get your shit together and put a stop to it in your next election.

By voting for... um... which lobby-fed choice?
posted by rokusan at 2:25 AM on September 10, 2009 [2 favorites]

mhum: Indeed. It's works righteousness vs. sola fide.

No Catholic has ever used the phrase 'works righteousness;' it's really more a protestant canard than a description of Catholic teaching, and your first link there is one of the most ridiculously slanderous pieces of badly-written tripe I've ever read. 'Catholic Christianity favors the premise that acts defined under the broad spectrum of "good works" are the key to heaven'? Gimme a break.

Not that that matters here, I guess.
posted by koeselitz at 3:34 AM on September 10, 2009

All 3 people are acting unethically.

One much more heinously than the others.

The way I see it, all three are whores, although Duvall was whoring his influence, not his junk. I agree, the lobbyists were no doubt hired *because* they were whores, and apparently "hot" in that generic way you can buy at the beauty salon in southern California (just stay out of the sun before it melts).

But the way those lobbyists' husbands see it? I submit that most of us (if AskMe comments are any evidence) wouldn't be cool with our spouse fucking politicians for her/his job no matter how many pools or cars we got out of the deal (because that would make the cuckolded spouse, in effect, a whore as well).

I too would like to know just how much "lobbying" like this is par for the course. It would be great if the meme "lobbyists are whores" got some traction from this episode, where it's literally true. I wonder how often it *is* literally true.
posted by fourcheesemac at 5:04 AM on September 10, 2009 [3 favorites]

Ha! It turns out the woman in question is denying the alleged affair. Perhaps my earlier speculation was correct. We all know men never lie about sex. Ever.
posted by dortmunder at 6:20 AM on September 10, 2009

What in the hell is 'eye patch underwear'?
Underwear that makes your eyes bulge out their sockets and bounce onto the floor in a startling display of lust.

And BTW, while it didn't hit MeFi (thank goodness), I did notice that the regular media were attempting to kick up a shitstorm about Obama's speech to the kids.
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 6:22 AM on September 10, 2009

If the dude was making it up do these women have grounds for a defamation lawsuit?

That would be rich, rich, rich.
posted by fourcheesemac at 6:57 AM on September 10, 2009

What in the hell is 'eye patch underwear'?

Pirate booty?

I'm going to the special hell, aren't I?
posted by zarq at 7:05 AM on September 10, 2009

It would be even more embarrassing if it turned out he wasn't having sex with anyone, and was just trying to impress the guy sitting next to him.

Turns out that's what he's going with.
posted by EarBucket at 7:19 AM on September 10, 2009

Turns out that's what he's going with.

I fucking knew it! Note to Duvall: Nobody actually ever believes that defense. Just, y'know, FYI.
posted by dersins at 7:47 AM on September 10, 2009

So he's presenting us with two choices to accept or not: 1) He lies a lot about *being* a philandering douchebag; or 2) He lies a lot *and* he's a philandering douchebag. Political career, meet unemployment line. Unemployment line, meet political career. (Also: wife, meet lawyer.)
posted by jamstigator at 8:19 AM on September 10, 2009

In other words, instead of a bunch of republicans who just talk the "family values" talk but in private behave pretty much like ordinary people, we're going to get republicans who actually believe deeply in "family values," and deep down in their core think that gays are evil, women on the pill are whores, etc. I submit to you that that result is probably worse.
posted by Pastabagel at 1:46 PM on September 9

If you think this is what ordinary people behave like, I feel sorry for your family.

Further, Republicans really do believe that gays are evil and women on the pill are whores, so it's too late - they just believe that if they fuck another guy it's not gay and if their mistress is on the pill, well, they think she's a whore anyway so what's the harm in it?
posted by Optimus Chyme at 9:11 AM on September 10, 2009

I'm now going to listen to this speech, while mentally adding "in bed" to the end of each sentence.

"You Lie!...in bed."

Works pretty well.
posted by stet at 9:12 AM on September 10, 2009

That's what they all say. They all say, "d'oh."
posted by kirkaracha at 9:34 AM on September 10, 2009

Seriously, this woman is unlikely to be banging this guy. First, it is stupid. If she gets caught, she will never be a lobbyist again. Second it could be criminal. Third, the guy is not a hottie by any stretch.

Fourth, and most importantly, this guy is an Orange County Republican--he gets his marching orders from gigantic energy companies like the one she works for--there's absolutely no need to sleep with him to get his vote--he gets his orders on his BlackBerry like the rest of them.
posted by Ironmouth at 10:07 AM on September 10, 2009

joe lisboa: And yes, there's a world of difference oh two-dimensional GOP talking point recitation machine.

I'm not sure if you mean that I frequently spout GOP talking points, but if that is what you mean, I have no idea where you got that idea.
posted by shakespeherian at 10:27 AM on September 10, 2009

I'm not sure, in other words, what even an ideal situation would be here. How do you stop the corruption that seems implicit in lobbying?

This is a decent question, and one that has been discussed on the Blue before. That post has some interesting links, including The Sunlight Foundation.
posted by zarq at 10:42 AM on September 10, 2009

Since Duvall's Assembly seat is now up for grabs, Orange County Supervisor Chris Norby will run for it in a special election.
posted by zarq at 11:17 AM on September 10, 2009

Oh great, Norby's an even bigger jerk than Duvall.
posted by infinitywaltz at 1:27 PM on September 10, 2009

Oh great, Norby's an even bigger jerk than Duvall.

In what sense?
posted by zarq at 1:40 PM on September 10, 2009

He's racist, he sexually harrasses his employees, he bugs county employees begging for campaign donations on county time, he's crazy...he also participated in some pretty loathsome business-related dealings and bogus attack mailings when he was on the Fullerton City Council.

In his defense, he's never been a "family values" conservative, so he's not a hypocrite. He's also not an idiot. He's still pretty slimy, though, and his announcement to run for Duvall's Assembly seat before it's even gotten cold (or dry -- ewwww!) seems pretty opportunistic.
posted by infinitywaltz at 2:47 PM on September 10, 2009

I think he may be laying the groundwork for the classic "I didn't actually have sex with her-- I was just talking shit with my buddies" defense.

"My Offense Was Engaging In Inappropriate Storytelling."
posted by ericb at 3:20 PM on September 10, 2009

Miller asks if she likes it. Duvall responds: "She goes, 'I know you like spanking me.' I said, 'Yeah, that's 'cause you're such a bad girl.'"

In my head, I'm hearing this as narrated by a robot voice.

It's what's keeping me sane here.
posted by quin at 3:30 PM on September 10, 2009

Of the two women, the one I have seen pictures of doesn't look so hot, either (she looks like a scary real estate salesperson, post plastic-surgery) though I notice we keep being told she's hot, the same way we're told that Sarah Palin is.
posted by rokusan at 5:53 PM on September 10, 2009

Of the two women, the one I have seen pictures of doesn't look so hot, either (she looks like a scary real estate salesperson, post plastic-surgery) though I notice we keep being told she's hot...

That we'd be evaluating their "hotness" at all is another part of what's so depressingly banal about stories like this.
posted by applemeat at 9:17 PM on September 10, 2009 [3 favorites]

Well ugly people don't have sex, so if they're not hot then obviously the allegations are untrue. I mean, heavens, what would this world be if ugly people had sex? I can hardly stand the thought.
posted by GuyZero at 10:11 PM on September 10, 2009 [1 favorite]

Great. Now I have the mental image of Larry Craig's picture on an "Am I hot or not" website.
posted by darkstar at 12:09 AM on September 11, 2009

That we'd be evaluating their "hotness" at all is another part of what's so depressingly banal about stories like this.

I meant that in response to the "Duvall is no prize" comments above. I don't see the (one) woman as outclassing him much in the looks department, that's all.

And yeah, it's the fact that I was TOLD she was hot by every news story long before ever seeing a picture that says something that either underscores or explains the same thing you said there.
posted by rokusan at 12:05 AM on September 12, 2009