ManLaw #1 - Profit!

September 13, 2009 8:01 AM

A ManCave "advisorship" offers real men the opportunity to host MEATings (think male-targeted "Purse Party" or "Passion Party") where pink is forbidden, beer is Never, Ever, Seriously, Never refused, and various other bro codes are always in effect.

Multi-level network marketing for lifestyle products is nothing new, but it is perceived to be a woman-dominated business. Can wanna-be network marketers break into the masculinity market? Maybe they need a Zelda of their own.

posted by mrmojoflying (103 comments total)

And there's absolutely nothing gay about it. I cannot stress that enough.
posted by Horace Rumpole at 8:04 AM on September 13, 2009 [14 favorites]

Man, they stole my idea. I always said there needed to be a "Pampered Chef for men," where guys buy cigars and whiskey and chocolate and steaks and porn.

But the reason it won't work is this: Men would rather just go to Kroger and the liquor store and the video store for those things. In their truck.
posted by jbickers at 8:09 AM on September 13, 2009 [2 favorites]

I think we're on the trailing edge of the male-identity nonsense - it was amusing for a while, but the joke has grown old, cold and stale. It's lost a lot of its tongue-in-cheek, self-denigrating charm.
posted by Slap*Happy at 8:17 AM on September 13, 2009 [10 favorites]

Bah! A real man would build, grow, ferment, and kill all of his own stuff, as needed. No real man would just buy something; shopping is woman's work.
posted by oddman at 8:18 AM on September 13, 2009

Nothing says manly like "Chambord or L'Orange Body Butter". Also, Carmen Electra is apparently the apex of manly desire (having missed her for the last decade or so I checked Wikipedia - she's aged as poorly as you would expect). These guys aren't going to make any money selling their discount steaks.
posted by ecurtz at 8:18 AM on September 13, 2009 [1 favorite]

And there's absolutely nothing gay about it. I cannot stress that enough.

Except, of course, that Man Cave sounds like a gay strip club.
posted by naju at 8:20 AM on September 13, 2009 [27 favorites]

It's been done.
posted by sugarfish at 8:21 AM on September 13, 2009 [5 favorites]

Any chance this might cross over into shaving-nerd territory? Can I get a sales-brah to get me a good price on a bone-handled straight razor and a strop?
posted by GameDesignerBen at 8:21 AM on September 13, 2009 [3 favorites]

A man should never tell another man that his zipper is down. It's his own damn problem and you never looked "there" to begin with.

Ah just go for it already!
posted by CautionToTheWind at 8:21 AM on September 13, 2009 [1 favorite]

God, sometimes I hate drag.
posted by The Whelk at 8:23 AM on September 13, 2009 [6 favorites]

I think what would make this different to the purse parties etc is the bit where, after a sufficient amount of beer, all the attendees have sex with each other.
posted by game warden to the events rhino at 8:25 AM on September 13, 2009

I heard about this a couple of weeks ago, but didn't believe it was real after hearing it described. And now? I still think it can only be some extraordinarily elaborate performance art: Improve Everywhere Goes Amway (or something).
posted by minnesotaj at 8:26 AM on September 13, 2009

Real men eat quiche... because real men don't care.
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 8:27 AM on September 13, 2009 [8 favorites]

15 oz beer mugs? What kind of idiocy is this? Three sizes are manly - anything else is bullshit: 12 ounce for your standard bottle, pints, and German-style half liter mugs. And they need to sell porn as well.
posted by Ber at 8:30 AM on September 13, 2009 [6 favorites]

I hate the taste of alcohol and mixing it with bitter hops and then acidifying the whole mess doesn't improve things.

Today, I am not a man.
posted by DU at 8:34 AM on September 13, 2009

I always said there needed to be a "Pampered Chef for men," where guys buy cigars and whiskey and chocolate and steaks and porn.

Good God no! Who the fuck wants that?

Pampered Chef parties or Avon or any of that shit are designed to guilt you into buying overpriced crap from your friends.

That's one of the reasons I'm glad I'm a man. I don't have to attend that kind of crap or spend 8 bucks on some shitty bowl I don't need because I got invited to a party I didn't want to go to.
posted by graventy at 8:35 AM on September 13, 2009 [15 favorites]

"A man should never tell another man that his zipper is down. It's his own damn problem and you never looked "there" to begin with."


So, all these years I've been helping out by pulling that zipper up for the other guy...I've been wrong?

That explains a lot....
posted by HuronBob at 8:35 AM on September 13, 2009

It's like Mary Kay for men!
posted by Heretic at 8:36 AM on September 13, 2009

Learn how Man Cave Advisors earn substantial income by hanging out with the guys, eating meat, drinking beer, and talking B.S.

"B.S.?" Man, fuck that noise. Real men fucking swear*. Now, I'm off to grill some beer and get in a fight on a hot chick's ass.





* - Actually, so do real women. I was there one time when one did.
posted by el_lupino at 8:36 AM on September 13, 2009 [3 favorites]

My friend's husband built a man-cave. It has a beer-fridge, a dart board, a TV continually playing sports, trophy fish on the walls, and a calendar of women who are fishing while wearing nothing but hip-waders. It's also where we escape during our kids' playdates to smoke, in part because we can blame the cigarette smell on the pervasive cigar miasma of the room. So I can't totally hate it.

My husband, on the other hand, has what I like to call his nerd corner, which contains his role-playing books, laptops, and several almost-empty coffee cups. I'm more comfortable being married to someone with this kind of escape-space, but it's useless for illicit smoke breaks.
posted by bibliowench at 8:36 AM on September 13, 2009 [18 favorites]

It always makes me sad when one group does something stupid for a really long time, and another group feels it has to follow by doing its own stupid thing. Sometimes the second group's effort is just sad and pathetic. Sometimes the second group manages to eclipse the first group in stupidity. Regardless, we end up with a lot more stupid in the world.
posted by aswego at 8:38 AM on September 13, 2009 [4 favorites]

I think what would make this different to the purse parties etc is the bit where, after a sufficient amount of beer, all the attendees have sex with each other.

That doesn't happen at purse parties? Well, I'm disappointed.
posted by kittens for breakfast at 8:42 AM on September 13, 2009 [2 favorites]

Real men hold doors open for their wives and everyone else.
posted by notreally at 8:47 AM on September 13, 2009 [1 favorite]

This doesn't even really work as a response to Avon parties or whatever. A great many women I know are fans of grilled food and beer. These are gender-neutral things.
posted by naju at 8:53 AM on September 13, 2009 [1 favorite]

So is a ManCave the male equivalent of a LadyGarden?
posted by PeterMcDermott at 8:59 AM on September 13, 2009

from silly link: A man should never be denied the right to adjust himself or place his hands down his pants under any circumstances.

A man should never tell another man that his zipper is down. It's his own damn problem and you never looked "there" to begin with.

The important corollary to these two rules, of course, being: you have every right to reach down another man's pants under any circumstances as well, but if you're going to go there, for god's sake don't ruin the mood by blubbering about how you're having trouble getting his zipper down.
posted by koeselitz at 9:05 AM on September 13, 2009 [2 favorites]

It's a bitch being butch.
posted by Jikido at 9:06 AM on September 13, 2009

The whole notion of a "man cave" depresses me a little bit. I mean, I'm young and idealistic and single, but I sort of hope that I end up with someone who shares/accepts my interests and design sense, and doesn't feel that the rest of the house is her domain while I get a small den or something for myself. Of course, I'm not much of a sports fan or, uh, fishing enthusiast, but still. The idea that half of a couple has to have their stuff shoved away into a closed door area seems like a sign that something is dysfunctional.
posted by Tomorrowful at 9:07 AM on September 13, 2009 [5 favorites]

They couldn't even be bothered throw in a token black dude?

Well, truth in advertising, I guess.

"Men"(TM) are hilarious.
posted by regicide is good for you at 9:08 AM on September 13, 2009 [2 favorites]

The ManLaws link tells me that I am not now, nor have ever been, a man.

And you know, I' fine with that, for their definition of "man."
posted by lekvar at 9:09 AM on September 13, 2009 [1 favorite]

Fuck Man Caves. Real men have labs.
posted by butterstick at 9:13 AM on September 13, 2009 [38 favorites]

Tomorrowful, that is one way to look at it, and that may indeed be the dynamic that is going on in many cases. But my wife is cool. My lab is a space I would have/want/need regardless of being married or not. Hobbies deserve their own space if you are going to really use them to tune out the rest of the world for a bit.

Shit, I shouldn't even call it my lab necessarily, since it has a sewing corner primarily (though not exclusively) for her us.
posted by butterstick at 9:18 AM on September 13, 2009

Fuck Man Caves. Real men have labs.

Shed. It's called a shed.
posted by Artw at 9:19 AM on September 13, 2009 [9 favorites]

Most of the products look like ridiculous crap from the Sky Mall catalog. I mean, really, who needs a beer pager?
posted by lexicakes at 9:21 AM on September 13, 2009

her use, rather.

As you can see the Typodectomax 6600 is on the fritz.
posted by butterstick at 9:22 AM on September 13, 2009

butterstick: I wasn't directly responding to you - I recognize eagerly that a lot of hobbies really do need their own spaces; I'm the son of a photographer, who built a darkroom in our basement. I'm referring more to the idea of "The house is the woman's domain, but you, Man, you're allowed this little piece where you can take refuge."
posted by Tomorrowful at 9:25 AM on September 13, 2009 [2 favorites]

I'm referring more to the idea of "The house is the woman's domain, but you, Man, you're allowed this little piece where you can take refuge"

...from the entire society you control.
posted by regicide is good for you at 9:37 AM on September 13, 2009 [11 favorites]

As someone who hunts, I say a real man cave is a tent on the fucking tundra. Short of that, you're all pussies.

/ I keed.
posted by fourcheesemac at 9:39 AM on September 13, 2009 [1 favorite]

Their "Man Laws" are a bunch of fucking frat house bullshit.

HERE are the man rules:

1. No Whining

2. Suck it up and take it

if rules 1. or 2. don't apply then

3. What would Charlton Heston do?
posted by Scoo at 9:54 AM on September 13, 2009 [2 favorites]

And actually, yeah, looking over the man laws page, I thought this kind of lame bullshit went out with Tim Allen. I'm sensing a lot of kidding-on-the-square-type insecurity here. Also, if you never, ever refuse free beer, there's a word for you, and that word is "fucking alkie."
posted by kittens for breakfast at 9:54 AM on September 13, 2009 [4 favorites]

Elvis and Barney Miller wore pink. Pink is a man color, and these pretenders should know it.

Also, beer is a children's drink. Adults drink liquor.
posted by Astro Zombie at 9:55 AM on September 13, 2009 [5 favorites]

The Man Cave bro rules from the link:

No man shall ever turn down free beer... for any reason. Never. Ever. Seriously, Never.

Grilling, regardless of weather, is always the first choice for cooking.
A man should never be denied the right to adjust himself or place his hands down his pants under any circumstances.

A man should never tell another man that his zipper is down. It's his own damn problem and you never looked "there" to begin with.

A man may be seen tearing up only when:
A. His first child is born (and it's a boy),
B. he has received a devastating blow to the groin,
C. Carmen Electra is unbuttoning her shirt...scratch that, your shirt.

While at a sporting event, you must walk "B to F" (BUTT TO FACE) when leaving your seat. This is so you do not miss any of the cheerleaders' performance (since you obviously never get up to pee while the ball is in play).

Never, ever look a man in the eye while you're sucking his cock. Sorry, bro - if there's eye contact, it's gay.

A man is permitted to build his "Man Cave" in anyway he wishes. However NO "Man Cave" shall ever include: A fridge incapable of holding a case of beer, "Fat Free" potato chips, and any variation of the color pink.

A man purse is still a purse.
posted by ignignokt at 10:01 AM on September 13, 2009 [5 favorites]

No pink means no pussy.

This mancaves is dildos.
posted by fleetmouse at 10:01 AM on September 13, 2009 [6 favorites]

Rule #1 No poofters.
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 10:03 AM on September 13, 2009 [1 favorite]

There's so much to unpack here, I don't even know where to start. I mean, advertisers have been codifying gender norms in an effort to sell new products for a long time, but this is getting silly. From what I can see, Real Men are white, straight, upper-middle-class, and staunchly conformist. Real Men avoid all appearance of homosexuality (which they classify not by sexual preference, but by any signs of "femininity") while at the same time shunning the company of all women that are not imaginary.
posted by muddgirl at 10:03 AM on September 13, 2009 [13 favorites]

Even though everything they recommend to me is way out of my price range, I prefer the shopping tips of Uncrate. Because, in reality, every man needs a bar in a globe.
posted by msbutah at 10:07 AM on September 13, 2009

And there's absolutely nothing gay about it. I cannot stress that enough.

But a shitload of homophobia.
posted by ethnomethodologist at 10:10 AM on September 13, 2009

...from the entire society you control.

Equality means equality. Denying men traditionally "female" roles like "having an opinion about interior design" means you have a system that has built-in gender roles, which raises the possibility of one of those genders being in charge. You can't have women free to be full independent and equal human beings unless you also grant that to men. If you say "The house is the domain of the woman," that immediately raises the question: What is the domain of the man? The answer we've had till very recently is "Everywhere else." If you want to break down that barrier, and allow women power in the public arena, you need to also acknowledge that it means that the private arena is owned equally by men.
posted by Tomorrowful at 10:18 AM on September 13, 2009 [8 favorites]

Man Caves? I prefer to call them, "Man Holes" because they're usually inhabited by one.
posted by mattdidthat at 10:26 AM on September 13, 2009

ALL MEN ARE EVIL SEXISTS AND SHOULD FEEL BAD!
posted by Artw at 10:30 AM on September 13, 2009

The original impetus behind Mary Kay and similar female enterprises was, sadly, the fact that when they started, if your husband was a lousy provider and you were divorced/single, you were screwed because it was so hard to get a good job if you were a woman--or perhaps your husband wouldn't let you. Tupperware parties were an underground way for women to make money for themselves in a sexist society.

Variations still exist because lots of women are still stuck in pink-collar ghetto work or just like working for themselves. Passion parties (dildos/vibrators/etc) are some of the most popular now because there are a lot more women who want better sex lives than women who worry about keeping leftovers fresh.

Don't know what the appeal of this stuff is for dudes. If a dude wants a beer-cataloguing system or whatever, seems like he could just ask for it for Christmas; most women I know complain about how hard it is to buy gifts for men.
posted by emjaybee at 10:31 AM on September 13, 2009 [1 favorite]

A man may be seen tearing up only when:
A. His first child is born (and it's a boy),

Wow.
posted by echolalia67 at 10:33 AM on September 13, 2009 [1 favorite]

Looking at this web site makes me want to throw things at my computer. Real men aren't so insecure about who they are that they need a web site to tell them How To Be Men.

But since I'm not a Real Man, I can't throw things hard enough to actually do serious damage to my computer, so I don't have to worry.
posted by madcaptenor at 10:37 AM on September 13, 2009 [1 favorite]

ALL MEN ARE EVIL SEXISTS!

Yes, that IS the message of the Real Man websites. Thank you for summarizing it for us.
posted by muddgirl at 10:45 AM on September 13, 2009 [1 favorite]

Tomorrowful, I'm not disagreeing with you that conventional gender divisions are ridiculous, I just have a different idea of where the emphasis should go in addressing them. Sorry if my original comment was too glib.

If you say "The house is the domain of the woman," that immediately raises the question: What is the domain of the man

Well, sure, but if I approach it in that order, I'm also pretending that women seized reign of the domicile by force, thereby casting men out in to the unforgiving wilds of owning everything (including, significantly, the domicile).

You can't have women free to be full independent and equal human beings unless you also grant that to men.

I'm totally with you in terms of intent. But given that it's men who, as a group, have traditionally held the power, I would phrase it exactly the other way around: You can't have men free to be full independent and equal human beings unless you also grant that to women. It doesn't make a lot of sense to start with putting demands on the group that has less power.

Patriarchy hurts everyone, but it still privileges men, even in their pain.

Anyway, I hope it doesn't sound like I'm attacking you, because I'm definitely not. I feel where you're coming from. I just also feel that you can't address inequality unless you first address the situation of power that's implied by the term.
posted by regicide is good for you at 10:49 AM on September 13, 2009 [3 favorites]

The original impetus behind Mary Kay and similar female enterprises was, sadly, the fact that when they started, if your husband was a lousy provider and you were divorced/single, you were screwed because it was so hard to get a good job if you were a woman--or perhaps your husband wouldn't let you. Tupperware parties were an underground way for women to make money for themselves in a sexist society.

Really? You're sure they weren't just marketed as that, while actually being about pyramid schemes and exploiting women?
posted by aswego at 10:51 AM on September 13, 2009 [4 favorites]

Things can be more than one thing.
posted by regicide is good for you at 10:53 AM on September 13, 2009

THINGS CANNOT BE MORE THAN ONE THING IF THAT THING IS A MAN AND IF YOU IMPLY OTHERWISE YOU ARE A SEXIST.
posted by Artw at 10:55 AM on September 13, 2009

People are stupid and will do anything for a dollar.
posted by davejay at 10:59 AM on September 13, 2009 [1 favorite]

Groan.
posted by Edwahd at 11:00 AM on September 13, 2009

I think we're on the trailing edge of the male-identity nonsense - it was amusing for a while, but the joke has grown old, cold and stale.

I really want to agree with this sentiment, but I'm not sure that everyone was "in" on the fact that it was a "joke." That jokiness you would see with Tim Allen Will Ferrel, Geico ads, Budweiser, and BK has been turned into a legitimate commodity that people seriously buy into even if they realize it's a little ridiculous.

I think as long as we have some sense of adolescent bachelorhood as a preferred "lifestyle" (rather than, you know, being a household co-partner and civic-focused adult) we are going to have people try to sell us the irresponsible and narcissistic homosocial man-child and tell us he's who we should all be.

I could be wrong...actually, I hope I am.

/returns to "man desk" with 300w 24-bit sound, audio/video server in custom Coolermaster case, and big, big monitor.
posted by mrmojoflying at 11:01 AM on September 13, 2009 [3 favorites]

THINGS CANNOT BE MORE THAN ONE THING IF THAT THING IS A MAN AND IF YOU IMPLY OTHERWISE YOU ARE A SEXIST.

I know what you're saying, but repeated sarcastic ALL CAPS interjections probably aren't going to make this thread better than it'd be without 'em.
posted by cortex at 11:05 AM on September 13, 2009 [3 favorites]

This thread consists of one kind of stupid that is joined by a second kind of stupid. "better" is probbaly not an option.

(At least stupid #1 has some limited capacity for self effacing humour and introspection, something utterly alien to stupid #2 )
posted by Artw at 11:17 AM on September 13, 2009

A man may be seen tearing up only when:
A. His first child is born (and it's a boy)

HAHAHAAA!
...'CAUSE WE DON'T LIKE OUR DAUGHTERS VERY MUCH, DO WE GUYS? AMIRITE? HI-FIVE!!!

Seriously ManCave, Inc., fuck you. Fuck you and fuck your pyramid-scheme steaks. No amount of A1 will cover up that taste of insecurity and sadness.
posted by PlusDistance at 11:19 AM on September 13, 2009 [6 favorites]

Sorry, Cortex...just saw your post...but it's hard to get the tone right when you're punctuating properly.
posted by PlusDistance at 11:22 AM on September 13, 2009

I had eight guys in my ManCave last night and it was fantastic.
posted by Avenger at 11:25 AM on September 13, 2009 [4 favorites]

I'm just gonna go ahead and decide what's best for me as an individual rather than have a group dictate what I should and should be or do. If you don't like for any reason, you can...oh just go away, you're bothering with this shit.

I think we're on the trailing edge of the male-identity nonsense

We aren't and it's not nonsense. People generally like having pre defined social rules to live up to and with the idea of "This is what it means to be a man" turned on its head in Western societies (for good reason), it's not surprising that some men are clinging to old roles as they struggle to figure out their new role in society.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 11:27 AM on September 13, 2009 [1 favorite]

Artw, if you need somewhere to shit, why don't you build an outhouse?
posted by regicide is good for you at 11:28 AM on September 13, 2009 [1 favorite]

Is this crap on cable or something?

Also, apparently, and I wouldn't have expected this, real men also do high-context semiotics. Who the hell has the spare cycles?
posted by Emperor SnooKloze at 11:29 AM on September 13, 2009

This thread consists of one kind of stupid that is joined by a second kind of stupid. "better" is probbaly not an option.

(At least stupid #1 has some limited capacity for self effacing humour and introspection, something utterly alien to stupid #2 )

What are you talking about?
posted by kathrineg at 11:39 AM on September 13, 2009

Real men have late-stage cirrhosis and poor impulse control.
posted by dirigibleman at 11:45 AM on September 13, 2009 [2 favorites]

I don't think any self-respecting person would buy into a paradigm of manhood so unambitious, shallow, and fraught with anxiety; and although the meat/misogyny/alienation trifecta is a caricature, and on some level a very long ad campaign, it does reflect real insecurities.

It's interesting to me that all of these late-stage patriarchy, marketing-derived constructions of masculinity are too ideologically bankrupt to have any meaningful points of reference. Everything is man-this and man-that, as though every stupid burger king commercial featuring some manboys standing around a grill and talking about their dicks or whatever is a further explication of a Platonic ideal of manhood that needs no connection to anything real or in-the-world. It's a similar poverty of culture that drives some white Americans to distraction.
posted by clockzero at 11:57 AM on September 13, 2009 [5 favorites]

Some?
posted by regicide is good for you at 12:00 PM on September 13, 2009 [1 favorite]

I'm guessing Martin Mull is a charter member of this venture.

heh...'member'.
posted by Greg_Ace at 12:04 PM on September 13, 2009

There's so much to unpack here, I don't even know where to start. I mean, advertisers have been codifying gender norms in an effort to sell new products for a long time, but this is getting silly.

Yep. Kleenex for men, gendered sandwich bags (scroll down), Pepsi Max - diet cola for men, gendered mosquito repellent.
posted by nooneyouknow at 12:27 PM on September 13, 2009

A man purse is still a purse.

Especially when well-lubricated^™!
posted by ericb at 12:34 PM on September 13, 2009

From what I can see, Real Men are white, straight, upper-middle-class, and staunchly conformist. Real Men avoid all appearance of homosexuality (which they classify not by sexual preference, but by any signs of "femininity") while at the same time shunning the company of all women that are not imaginary.

Hmm, I guess I'm not a real man then.

Who wants to play Pinocchio?
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 12:52 PM on September 13, 2009

Step inside my man cave, and I will bludgeon you.
posted by brevator at 12:59 PM on September 13, 2009 [1 favorite]

No man shall ever turn down free beer... for any reason. Never. Ever. Seriously, Never.

Sorry, brah. I'd only drink Bud Lite out of politeness. And since I'm a man I DON'T NEED TO BE POLITE!!
posted by octobersurprise at 1:31 PM on September 13, 2009 [2 favorites]

ManCave is an anagram for Cave Man. Just sayin'.
posted by soundofsuburbia at 1:54 PM on September 13, 2009

A man may be seen tearing up only when:
A. His first child is born (and it's a boy)

Unfortunately, this attitude is quite alive, in men and women.

I am 30 weeks pregnant with my and my partner's first child, who happens to be a boy. It was almost a whole 15 minutes after we found out the sex that the first medical professional (a man) proclaimed, "A boy! Straight to the top for you!"

Soon after, the second (a woman) said, "Your husband must be thrilled, carrying on the family name."

Do these people not realise when they say things like that to me, they are actually speaking to a female?

As a side note, my partner is awesome and he thinks these comments are crazy and horrible.
posted by naturesgreatestmiracle at 2:50 PM on September 13, 2009 [3 favorites]

Yeah, the male baby thing is really disgusting.
posted by kathrineg at 2:58 PM on September 13, 2009

Must......produce.....more......penises.......
posted by Avenger at 3:00 PM on September 13, 2009 [4 favorites]

These side-parting douches make me want to hang up my beard for good, despite the fact that it gives me my power.
posted by poweredbybeard at 3:08 PM on September 13, 2009 [3 favorites]

What happens if you bring pink beer?
posted by RikiTikiTavi at 3:55 PM on September 13, 2009

but I sort of hope that I end up with someone who shares/accepts my interests and design sense, and doesn't feel that the rest of the house is her domain while I get a small den or something for myself.

Well, practically speaking in my household, I'm at work for a minimum of 40 hours a week, and usually fairly longer. My wife is a stay-at-home mom, with three kids who are homeschooled. Really, there's a good deal of things I wouldn't mind changed, but the hard facts are that I'm barely there compared to them. Honestly, I'm going to have to give priority to the needs/wants of the people who are there more often if they're mutually exclusive.
posted by RikiTikiTavi at 3:58 PM on September 13, 2009

I am 30 weeks pregnant with my and my partner's first child, who happens to be a boy. It was almost a whole 15 minutes after we found out the sex that the first medical professional (a man) proclaimed, "A boy! Straight to the top for you!"

Yeah, I was always baffled with this. The weirdest part is when the techs--with both of our boys--was scrupulous in pointing out the penis, and commenting on its size. It's OK! I believe you! I don't care! I'm sure our child has a very good chance of having genitalia that is within normal variation; this is not something that keeps me up at night!
posted by RikiTikiTavi at 4:02 PM on September 13, 2009

Who wants to play Pinocchio?

Only if you alternate in telling falsehoods and accurate statements in a convincing and yet somehow thrilling way.
posted by The Whelk at 4:09 PM on September 13, 2009 [2 favorites]

It was almost a whole 15 minutes after we found out the sex that the first medical professional (a man) proclaimed, "A boy! Straight to the top for you!"

Thank you for recounting this.

A friend announced on Facebook a little while ago that she had found out the sex of her expected child and it's a boy -- and what followed was a 60+ comment hailstorm of exuberant congratulations. Granted, she already has a girl, but to my knowledge, never said any such thing as "we're hoping for a boy this time" and no one referenced such a statement.

I couldn't bring myself to congratulate her (as I did when we learned she was pregnant, and will again when the child is born) on, effectively, not having another girl. Intensely bizarre.
posted by Durn Bronzefist at 4:49 PM on September 13, 2009

No pink = no raw meat. So I can't have a Raw Meat and Beer (TM) Festival? (Not really raw meat...we throw a quart of gasoline on the grill and sear each side for fifteen seconds.)
posted by notsnot at 4:53 PM on September 13, 2009

I spent a good chunk of today cooking 14 quarts of vegetable-beef soup with my wife. In my defense, I did grind my own spices and sear the hell out of that bottom-sirloin roast before putting it in the little white crockpot to braise. But then I sous-chef'ed for my wife as we prepped all the vegetables we got at the family outing to the farmer's market yesterday (the petite green beans were not my idea, I SWEAR). I felt pretty god damned masculine as I burnt my fingers ladling that thick, meaty, hearty, man appetite satisfying soup into quart freezer containers to cool for our little chest freezer. Maybe I should have drank a beer as I washed the dishes to save my bro'ness.
posted by mrmojoflying at 4:58 PM on September 13, 2009

So is a ManCave the male equivalent of a LadyGarden?

Do Not Put Anything In My Flower Box

--
The best thing about having a one-car garage is that there's no way a car is going in there with the stored holiday decorations, out-of-season clothes and bills from 2003, so there's room for a table saw and air compressor.

It's just a garage, though. Someday I might get a Metcal and a CNC and an O'scope and it'll be a lab, but it'll still have some pink gardening tools in it. I think I'll survive.
posted by morganw at 4:59 PM on September 13, 2009

The best mancave I ever saw was on a frozen lake in the Adirondacks in an ice fishing hut. There was a generator for running the tv and satellite dish, a chain saw, an auger and two holes in the ice. One for fishing and one for peeing.
posted by JohnnyGunn at 7:56 PM on September 13, 2009 [1 favorite]

From now on, "ManCave" is going to be my euphemism of choice for the male rectum. i.e., "Dude, I would totally spelunk his ManCave."
posted by LMGM at 8:05 PM on September 13, 2009 [1 favorite]

Any time someone tries to market to my masculinity, I can pretty much count on being embarrassed.

I mean seriously, if I want to feel manly I'll change a timing belt on a car. When I break a bolt off in my engine block, I will weep freely.

This is, unfortunately, how I spent my evening. When they have parties where I can buy a better torque wrench, I might be interested.
posted by Kid Charlemagne at 11:10 PM on September 13, 2009

I'm 100% heterosexual he-man and I have pink underpants. If that's a problem for you, I'll punch your fucking head off your shoulders.

Inside of a cave or out.

Your call.
posted by Brosef K at 11:43 PM on September 13, 2009

Bromos
posted by Brosef K at 11:44 PM on September 13, 2009

I think you're looking for the Snap-On tool truck, Kid Charlemagne.
posted by cardboard at 6:07 AM on September 14, 2009

Yeah, in my neighborhood, if this was sponsored by Snap-On or Grizzly these type of outings would be much more successful. This caliber of consumption is just kinda boring, and really seems like it's just trying to scratch an impulse-buy itch. Kinda like the Mary-Kay equivalent.

The problem is that real tools are real expensive, and real heavy. You gotta try before you buy, and you've probably been saving up for a bit for that new toy (ahem: don't forget the riser block). I'm sure more men are interested in shopping for their hobbies because... well that's what they'd do if they didn't have a day job. These events just seem like a way to revel in douchebaggery.
posted by butterstick at 6:46 AM on September 14, 2009

No no no no no no no no NO!

Just because someone has decided that you are a target market with a defined niche does NOT obligate you to participate in their attempt at a manufactured consumer base.

Real men would fight against this tooth and nail.
posted by hippybear at 8:00 AM on September 14, 2009 [2 favorites]

Their "Man Laws" are a bunch of fucking frat house bullshit.

"Minnesota College Student Nick Beste created ManCave Worldwide..."

(it doesn't mention which frat he's in though)
posted by mikepop at 9:18 AM on September 14, 2009

I sort of hope that I end up with someone who shares/accepts my interests and design sense, and doesn't feel that the rest of the house is her domain while I get a small den or something for myself.

Well, as you mentioned, you are young and idealistic.
posted by eurasian at 12:19 PM on September 14, 2009

I'm amazed that this crap is still going as strong as it seems to be. I haven't figured out whether anyone actually buys into it, i.e., whether it's entirely a pathetic marketing ploy or that there are actually a lot of people still clinging to these outmoded and sexist worldviews. All I know is that I'll be really glad when it finally dies out and we can have a world where stereotyped gender roles aren't the dominant worldview.
posted by spitefulcrow at 10:10 AM on September 16, 2009