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September 18, 2009 9:43 AM   Subscribe

Missed the era of video dating? Fear not, here's a taste.
posted by piratebowling (58 comments total) 23 users marked this as a favorite

 
You guys still think DateMe would turn out to be a good idea?
posted by hermitosis at 9:44 AM on September 18, 2009 [2 favorites]


Good, no. Hilarious, yes.

waits patiently for ScrewMe
posted by The Whelk at 9:46 AM on September 18, 2009


I was only giggling intermittently until that guy mentioned that he averages "about four hours of sleep a night." Everything from there on was seen through a mist of tears.

But then I can afford to laugh, since I actually am looking for a big overgrown monster who's always thinking about food.
posted by hermitosis at 9:50 AM on September 18, 2009 [3 favorites]


Whoa. The guy at 1:45 wants to lay you down on a bed of roses.
posted by uncleozzy at 9:51 AM on September 18, 2009 [1 favorite]


LOL those guys like fun. Fun is stupid. No wonder they couldn't get any dates.
posted by idiopath at 9:51 AM on September 18, 2009


Oh God, the sweaters... the sweaters...
posted by fatbird at 9:52 AM on September 18, 2009 [1 favorite]


I don't know about the rest of you, but as I watched the video, a google ad for "Criminal Defence Lawyers" came up across the bottom. Does that say more about me or the subjects in the video?
posted by fatbird at 9:53 AM on September 18, 2009 [1 favorite]


That was phenomenal. But I found myself wondering what I would do if I were one of these dudes, and I happened to see this old dating video of myself posted on the front page of metafilter.

Probably I would stand in front of the mirror for a long time, then give myself a big thumbs up.

("I am interested in all aspects of data processing!")
posted by voltairemodern at 9:54 AM on September 18, 2009 [9 favorites]


Wish I would have seen this years ago. I was only ever able to find someone who was into some phases of data processing. "Most"? Please call me if you happen to still be single.
posted by You Should See the Other Guy at 9:54 AM on September 18, 2009 [2 favorites]


Whoa, the guy at 2:43 is 25?! 25 going on 42?
posted by geoff. at 9:56 AM on September 18, 2009


I do consider myself a "refined valley dude."

Something about the way he says it.... you can actually hear the quotes.
posted by Afroblanco at 9:58 AM on September 18, 2009 [4 favorites]


Blank verse video dating is like being put up on a stage with no direction or script. It's the greatest chance to make a fool of yourself. A structure, any structure at all, is usually a godsend to the videodaters.

Having had to interview, shoot, edit, cut (and cut and cut), and mix in hundreds of these "back in day," on tape, this is like one of my old nightmares come back to life. What this is missing, though, is the music. Oh, how many times I had to layer in Kenny G, or The Eagles, or ... more Kenny G. Kenny G, the default choice in music when you want music that doesn't say anything about you besides the fact that you either have no interest in music or no guts.

On the other hand, there was the guy whom I ardently tried (and failed) to dissuade from selecting as his fade-in music that opening to the Meatloaf song, "On a hot summer night, would you offer your throat ... to the wolf with the red roses?"

Dude, if you're out there ... you really should have listened to me.
posted by adipocere at 10:02 AM on September 18, 2009 [10 favorites]


"Type A I'm not. Comfortable, caring and looking forward to chopping you into small pieces and burying you in my back garden, I am."
posted by jontyjago at 10:03 AM on September 18, 2009 [5 favorites]


Whoa. The guy at 1:45 wants to lay you down on a bed of roses.

That's MISTER Gary Busey Jr. to you, pal.
posted by Dr-Baa at 10:03 AM on September 18, 2009


Viking Nerd makes me wanna marry him.
posted by The Whelk at 10:04 AM on September 18, 2009


I haven't seen mustaches that awful since.....well, since I saw a flock of hipster-douchebags riding their fixies down Telegraph Avenue in the Temescal last weekend.
posted by Mountain Goatse at 10:04 AM on September 18, 2009 [1 favorite]


Hey, I like to have fun too! You know what I don't like, though? I don't like to do things that aren't fun.
posted by rusty at 10:15 AM on September 18, 2009


3:25 -- MY EYES!!!
posted by milnak at 10:17 AM on September 18, 2009


Body Designer.... eh?
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 10:18 AM on September 18, 2009 [1 favorite]


I've just turned lesbian.
posted by tula at 10:18 AM on September 18, 2009 [3 favorites]


I'm looking for the goddess. Are you the goddess? Who is the goddess? The goddess is the woman...is a woman...is any woman...is all women...
posted by Muddler at 10:19 AM on September 18, 2009 [6 favorites]


So why is it ok to laugh at these guys but not the "People of Wal-Mart" photos?
posted by brain_drain at 10:21 AM on September 18, 2009 [2 favorites]


No hamsters? What's wrong with hamsters?
posted by orme at 10:22 AM on September 18, 2009


So why is it ok to laugh at these guys but not the "People of Wal-Mart" photos?

Part of it is that these guys were actually putting themselves out there to be appraised. And part of it is how long ago they were filmed. And part of it is that it is just genuinely so much funnier.
posted by hermitosis at 10:23 AM on September 18, 2009


Come to where the flavor is. Come to Debbie Country.
posted by infinitewindow at 10:25 AM on September 18, 2009 [4 favorites]


No hamsters? What's wrong with hamsters?

Hamsters are like the shittiest pets ever. Their cages stink and need to be cleaned, they're noctournal, and they don't even particularly like people. Of all the possible rodent pets, they're the cutest and least friendly.

But I have no idea what this guy is talking about.
posted by Afroblanco at 10:26 AM on September 18, 2009 [2 favorites]


I call shenanigans. A lot of these guys have blatant mustaches.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 10:27 AM on September 18, 2009 [1 favorite]


How about this guy?
posted by orme at 10:29 AM on September 18, 2009


So why is it ok to laugh at these guys but not the "People of Wal-Mart" photos?

Classism vs era-ism?
posted by Bookhouse at 10:30 AM on September 18, 2009 [3 favorites]


I'm looking for the goddess. Are you the goddess? Who is the goddess? The goddess is the woman...is a woman...is any woman...is all women...

Ahaha. I can't watch this at the moment, but now I know what this is. Seen it; loved it.

Of all the possible rodent pets, they're the cutest and least friendly.

Dude, I see your hamster and I raise you a hedgehog.* Sure, I've had a hamster hang off my finger -- by its teeth, mind -- when I go to pull it out of its cage in the daytime. But my hedgehog would hiss and spit and bite, and if he really wasn't into being disturbed, he'd wrap himself around my finger -- quills in. Hedgehogs are a hundred times cuter and a thousand times more ornery than a hamster.

*Ok, not actually a rodent, but in the same pet group as not-fish, not-bird, and not-dog-or-cat
posted by Durn Bronzefist at 10:35 AM on September 18, 2009 [2 favorites]


No fatties?? Perhaps he prefers a good bong.
posted by gman at 10:42 AM on September 18, 2009


WTH is a Donna Juanita? My best two minutes of googling come back with this. That seems a very specific dislike if that's what the guy at 2:55 is talking about.
posted by mindless progress at 10:43 AM on September 18, 2009


"We don't like to write checks."

Whew. Number, please!
posted by heyho at 10:48 AM on September 18, 2009


Durn Bronzefist : I've also heard that chinchillas and sugargliders rate pretty high on the cute/unfriendly rodent scale.
posted by Afroblanco at 10:58 AM on September 18, 2009


mindless progress: "WTH is a Donna Juanita?"

A female Don Juan, ie. a smooth operator, seductress, a woman out to make a sexual conquest.
posted by idiopath at 11:07 AM on September 18, 2009


Oh God, the sweaters... the sweaters...

The 80's was all about sweaters. Cosby wasn't setting the style, he was a visual manifestation of our hoardes of gaudy sweaters. I went to a party in the 80's in a gigantic egg yolk colored sweater, constructed of monstrous cords. It was like strapping yellow bark around myself. I stood in the corner by the lamp with that standard red plastic cup, and talked to almost nobody. The sweater seemed to have a good time though. In the 80's, you didn't wear the sweater, the sweater wore you.
posted by cashman at 11:11 AM on September 18, 2009 [8 favorites]


God damn that's a lot of moustaches. South Indians must have been totally rocking in the 80s.
posted by chunking express at 11:34 AM on September 18, 2009 [2 favorites]


So why is it ok to laugh at these guys but not the "People of Wal-Mart" photos?

Wait: who said we can't laugh at the People of Walmart photos? Jesus?
posted by chunking express at 11:36 AM on September 18, 2009 [2 favorites]


Wait: who said we can't laugh at the People of Walmart photos?

The MeFi mods. At least twice.
posted by hippybear at 11:58 AM on September 18, 2009


This was harder to watch than the botfly video, not because I didn't like it but because everyone in it seemed so awkward.
posted by MaryDellamorte at 12:03 PM on September 18, 2009


Well, it's clear that least one of these guys had some sort of parasite doing the talking for him.
posted by hermitosis at 12:05 PM on September 18, 2009 [2 favorites]


"Hi, Mom!"

(shudder)
posted by Greg_Ace at 12:47 PM on September 18, 2009 [1 favorite]


Come on board the Love Train....
posted by doctoryes at 1:03 PM on September 18, 2009


Oh, God, what is that word that's the opposite of schadenfreude? The one for the shared shame of seeing someone embarrass themselves? Yeah, some of these guys were a little off, but others were probably perfectly nice guys who just went all deer in the headlights. Being yourself on video is really difficult for non-professionals. I had to get videotaped for a teaching demo once. I still have those tapes, but NO ONE is ever seeing them. Not EVER.

Anyway, I was glad to find out that mullet goddess-guy and Fred the Viking actually collaborated shortly after these recordings were made. Fred was a much better director and visuals guy than on-camera talent, and Larry just needed a little rehearsal.
posted by maudlin at 1:04 PM on September 18, 2009


This was a great Friday afternoon bit of fun. THANKS!
posted by Richat at 1:09 PM on September 18, 2009


Oh yes and the 80s were so the era of big aviator glasses frames... I had several pairs of those.
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 1:10 PM on September 18, 2009


Video dating still exists. There's even a show dedicated to it on my cable provider, kind of like The Soup, but for bad videos.
posted by weirdoactor at 1:11 PM on September 18, 2009


that one guy seemed nice to snuggle with
posted by kathrineg at 1:22 PM on September 18, 2009


52% of the Internet is single. That's a market that's been dominated by dating sites. Let's take some of that market. I call it DateMe.

It's, like, "Hey, you want to go down to the whirlpool?" "Yeah, I don't have a husband." I call it ScrewMe.

How do we filter out the teases? We don't let them in. This goes for the guys, too. Because sometimes the guys are tapped out. But check your EULA, man. Because you're browsing FuckMe!
posted by ODiV at 1:37 PM on September 18, 2009 [6 favorites]


Lieutenant Dangle? Is that you?
posted by The corpse in the library at 1:49 PM on September 18, 2009 [2 favorites]


The dude at 2:07 and 3:37 is an actor that I've seen somewhere before. It's killing me. Doesn't anyone else recognize that guy?

Even if this is a hoax, they won't get any complaints from me. I especially enjoyed that the ad running across the bottom of the video during my viewing (and yes, I'm female) was for Wireless Home Alarm Systems.
posted by cowpattybingo at 3:42 PM on September 18, 2009


Oh man, seriously? I twittered about this a while ago, and you're telling me it could have been my first FPP? Woe, what missed opportunities!

(My favorite is the viking, too.)
posted by Mizu at 6:04 PM on September 18, 2009


and people wonder why the fertility rate has declined
so sharply among white people. no woman is going to
spread eagle for that :D
posted by liza at 8:11 PM on September 18, 2009 [1 favorite]


um, that was the 80s
and we all were born
so i guess you were wrong :D
posted by Afroblanco at 8:50 PM on September 18, 2009


Maudlin, it is bad form to disrespect the Gowan. You must have a criminal mind or something.
posted by smcniven at 1:57 AM on September 19, 2009


cowpattybingo: 2:38 and 2:48 remind me strongly of another famous actor? mole included?
posted by headless at 12:18 AM on September 20, 2009


Context relevant ad. I wish I was kidding.

This is totally like something from EIT. Great find.
posted by mccarty.tim at 9:24 AM on September 20, 2009


Anyone who uses the phrase "zany" unironically does not have a sense of humor. It's a fundamental law of the English language.
posted by mccarty.tim at 9:29 AM on September 20, 2009


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