Sponsored by Buzz and Tater's Laser Aura Piercing

September 18, 2009 3:15 PM

Kern's Holler Journal of Science is peer reviewed, which means that Tater takes a good look at what was wrote to make sure the language is proper, the approach professional, and there ain't no godlessness. Don't mean the articles have to be godly, just don't want to offend no one. We hope you find it readable, close enough to right, and free from crude language.

Kern's Holler is a fascinating place. And perhaps now the mystery of taters is solved.

posted by carsonb (27 comments total)

Social Sciences: Ain't nobody wrote nothin yet.
posted by desjardins at 3:28 PM on September 18, 2009

this is pretty awesome.
posted by shmegegge at 3:31 PM on September 18, 2009

oh my god, have you seen the steve guttenberg tribute poetry page?
posted by shmegegge at 3:35 PM on September 18, 2009

Tater needed him some Mobius pants.

No, Tater needed him some venture capital, and he needed it yesterday. Why has SCIENCE! so long ignored the need for Möbius Pants?
posted by lekvar at 3:38 PM on September 18, 2009 [2 favorites]

That was the best explanation I've ever read of how the least squares method works.
posted by bjrn at 3:39 PM on September 18, 2009 [1 favorite]

The scary thing is, I actually learned something.
posted by BitterOldPunk at 3:43 PM on September 18, 2009

There once was a Thing named Dork Portion. Awoken from sleep by a trumpet-like blast from between his buttocks, the Thing stuck his bloated, bluish feet into his slippers and waddled into his kitchen. On a wooden board on the table sat a loaf of bread. He smothered it in butter, and ate it. And then he ate the rest of the butter. And then the knife, and the cutting board. And then he ate the table.

On the other side of town, there lived a purple Oaf. The Oaf never met an object he didn't want to stuff up his butt. Stuffing things up his butt made them his own, and the Oaf lived to take credit for things that weren't his. Sometimes he would see an item, like a parking meter or a stop sign, and consider NOT stuffing it up his butt. But then the disapproving transmissions from space would get louder in his head, and he would have no choice: up his butt they went.

Learn what happens when Thing and Oaf meet Edna Flan.
posted by netbros at 3:47 PM on September 18, 2009

We's gettin ready to think about startin to prepare the second issue, but there ain't enough articles yet. So if you're a scientific thinkin person, write up some of them ideas and send them along. We promise to take a good close look, and give it a fair chance.

- Tater Gumfries, Editor

Gumfries is my favorite last name (of the day - I'll be honest, I'm fickle). But the writing is great.

He then proceeds to insult my masculinity by telling me that a .22 is a "pussy gun" and all it will do is "Piss somebody off if I shoot'em with it."

Science has proved otherwise.

Way to go, Science!

By the way, happy 100th FPP, carsonb! You have really shown that other carson who's the real carson around here!
posted by filthy light thief at 3:49 PM on September 18, 2009

Cheers, and thanks filthy light thief! Have to admit I'd wanted to save the occasion, but the serendipity of searching google for 'enema bag nicknames' and coming up with Kern's Holler just couldn't be passed up. 100 is only a number anyway; this is SCIENCE.
posted by carsonb at 3:55 PM on September 18, 2009

this is what the internet is for.
posted by nímwunnan at 3:56 PM on September 18, 2009

this is what the internet is for.

Mocking rural southerners?
posted by dersins at 4:00 PM on September 18, 2009 [5 favorites]

happy 100th FPP

OOOOOH! mwah!!!
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 4:00 PM on September 18, 2009

The other day Tater was eatin some ribs and such with his kin, including his sistern law Mardeen, who had baked her a cherry pie. Now Mardeen is known for her pies, even in her home state of North Carolina, where pies are held in high esteem.

I guess taters are legal in the state of North Carolina.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 4:11 PM on September 18, 2009

I love this picture from his photo page.
posted by marsha56 at 4:18 PM on September 18, 2009

"Down to the" and "over to the" are two of my favorite speech conventions, and this site has them both in great quantity, so I am contented. Why say "at" when you can jazz it up a smidge?
posted by padraigin at 4:19 PM on September 18, 2009

I love this picture from his photo page.

It's even better with lightsabers.
posted by ericost at 4:40 PM on September 18, 2009

If he starts approving third-party papers, we might just have to start paying him to publish a print edition. And then we heckle our local universities to stock it.
posted by mccarty.tim at 4:41 PM on September 18, 2009

Metafilter: Get $20 off your next aura piercing by telling em Tater over to the Journal sent you!
posted by blue_beetle at 5:39 PM on September 18, 2009 [1 favorite]

That poetry page is awesome.
posted by maxwelton at 5:44 PM on September 18, 2009

Mocking rural southerners?

You think they should get special treatment? Because they're slow, maybe?
posted by Jimmy Havok at 10:41 PM on September 18, 2009

A man's gotta put his feet up sometimes.

Hear hear!
posted by !Jim at 12:34 AM on September 19, 2009

This is 180-proof awesome.
posted by fantabulous timewaster at 1:40 AM on September 19, 2009

> Mocking rural southerners?

Oh, come on. I'm as touchy about MeFi's unthinking South-mocking as anyone, and I think this is hilarious. You jerk that knee too much, it's liable to come right off.
posted by languagehat at 7:30 AM on September 19, 2009

hardcoretaters

BWAAAHHAAAHAAAA

Nominated for the 2009 Taggies®
posted by Casimir at 8:40 AM on September 19, 2009

oh my god, have you seen the steve guttenberg tribute poetry page?

Also not to miss: Sri Bodhi Prana's advice column over at the KH Contrarian.
posted by carsonb at 9:08 AM on September 19, 2009

Yes, but can you cross-publish in the KH JoS and The Annals of Improbable Research?
posted by The White Hat at 9:09 AM on September 19, 2009

Tater's ahead on this one: he's figured out LaTeX while AIR is an MSWord shop.
posted by fantabulous timewaster at 11:09 AM on September 19, 2009