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Hello Ladies: The Next Generation
June 23, 2001 12:15 PM   Subscribe

Hello Ladies: The Next Generation The "Commander" has nothing on this guy. Engage!
posted by Brilliantcrank (56 comments total)

 
"Alleyne has converted his Midland's studio apartment into a replica of a Starship Enterprise."

not THE Starship Enterprise, just A Starship Enterprise.
posted by jcterminal at 1:00 PM on June 23, 2001


"Alleyne, 48, who said his wife left him for another earthling, lives alone in the apartment."

Well, there is a shocker for ya.
posted by Grum at 1:12 PM on June 23, 2001


Rent this movie now.
posted by Shadowkeeper at 1:36 PM on June 23, 2001


Well, sure, it's one thing to have the entire star trek collection on video. and dvd. and laser disc. Don't forget the books. And another to have all those star trek music CDs...kirk and spock singing. The soundtrack collection. Etc. Maybe you even have all the video games and action figures to.

Maybe even some pointy ears, and an outfit for the sci-fi convention....

But this guy.....

Certifiable.
posted by jaded at 1:37 PM on June 23, 2001


Sorry, Jim. No signs of intelligent life here.
posted by NJguy at 1:37 PM on June 23, 2001


I don't recognize this guy. He'll be dead before the show is half over.
posted by machaus at 1:49 PM on June 23, 2001


is this more or less sad than the individual who spends thousands of dollars on furnishings from the "thoroughbred" or "madison avenue" collection from ralph lauren?

while he may not have designed the look, this guy knows what he likes, he had a dream, and he made it so.

much more imaginative than buying a prepackaged lifestyle of pseudo-elegance from a man who wouldn't be caught dead living in a house filled with his own furniture. - rcb
posted by rebeccablood at 1:50 PM on June 23, 2001


"Fuck Martha Stewart. Martha is polishing the brass on the Titanic. It's all going down, man! So fuck off, with your sofa units and your green stripe patterns. I say never be complete. I say stop being perfect. I say let's evolve and let the chips fall where they may."
posted by machaus at 2:22 PM on June 23, 2001


gotta wonder what his bathroom looks like....
posted by lotsofno at 2:30 PM on June 23, 2001


machaus: I thought "Bill Hicks", looked it up and found "Fight Club". (No, I haven't seen it yet. Or at least, when I saw it, I was too drunk to remember any of it.) It all makes sense now.
posted by holgate at 3:09 PM on June 23, 2001


Boldly not getting laid like no man has ever not gotten laid before.

Also, I like how he's introduced as Tony Alleyne, a fan of the television series Star Trek.

Hey, thanks.
posted by dong_resin at 3:11 PM on June 23, 2001


he had a dream, and he made it so.

Please tell me this was an intentional pun.
posted by aaron at 4:11 PM on June 23, 2001



Rebecca is right.

If there were no quirky, radical or downright weird folk on tihs planet, then we'd be pretty much extinct by now.
posted by wackybrit at 4:18 PM on June 23, 2001


>Please tell me this was an intentional pun.<

of course it was. :) - rcb
posted by rebeccablood at 4:28 PM on June 23, 2001


Sorry, but I think Commander Tony is actually pretty enterprising (heh!) compared to this loser.

ducking before he gets hit with a dead fish
posted by briank at 5:29 PM on June 23, 2001


What's the difference between choosing this as a form of decor as opposed to Victorian antiques or Art Deco Modern? It's just another choice.

I'd do this if I had the money to burn. Not for the whole house, but I think it'd be an ideal interior decorating choice for a den, or wherever ya put the entertainment center. If you did the whole house, there wouldn't be a bathroom. There's never a bathroom in Star Trek shows. =)
posted by ZachsMind at 6:24 PM on June 23, 2001


I'd be really impressed if he could teleport from room to room.
posted by Oddsea at 7:12 PM on June 23, 2001


The difference is that if you "decorate" with a couch and a table and various potted plants, or what have you, then they serve a purpose. They work. And if you pay $6000 for a designer couch, you're an idiot, but at least you can sit on the damn thing. The Starship control panel he built is(apparently) just a facsimile. It's doesn't actually do anything. Does it?

I mean, I'd have a lot of respect for the guy if you could actually use it to do shit like turn the lights on and off, and make coffee or something. But, that doesn't appear to be the case. If it's functional in some way (though I find it unlikely that it controls a starship ;-) then it's got the potential to be a nice piece of ameteur engineering. If all it does is sit there and blink lights at you, then he's a fan boy that needs to get a life. Or a job putting sets together for a sci-fi series.

As for "[paraphrasing]how is this worse than decorating an entire house full of Ralph Lauren crap" ? It's not worse. I think those people are pathetic too. But then, I've always chosen my furnishings with a slightly more utilitarian bent.
posted by jaded at 7:21 PM on June 23, 2001


did he hire the people to stand inside the sliding doors and make the "FSSSSSSH" noise?
posted by starduck at 8:04 PM on June 23, 2001


"Boldly not getting laid like no man has ever not gotten laid before."

heh heh... not true. There's someone for everyone...
He can always be fixed up with THIS crackpot... (remember her?)
posted by EricBrooksDotCom at 8:28 PM on June 23, 2001


And if you pay $6000 for a designer couch, you're an idiot, but at least you can sit on the damn thing.

Yeah, well, I'll give you $6,000 if you could sit on this with a straight face. Seriously, while I do feel his design sense is a bit off, it's no worse than a lot of places I remember from childhood. Judge not lest you be judged by your children...

(via metafilter)
posted by dchase at 8:30 PM on June 23, 2001


Please tell me this was an intentional pun.

There are two kinds of puns. There is the Pun, Unintentional (P.U.) and the Pun, Intentional (P.I.). The really good intentional puns are referred to as Magnum P.I.

Using "make it so" in a sentence isn't really a pun, though.
posted by kindall at 8:48 PM on June 23, 2001


it's an allusion. a connotative bit of rhetoric.

if patrick stewart asked me to marry him, I'd have to think about it. - rcb
posted by rebeccablood at 8:50 PM on June 23, 2001


The function of his interior design, jaded, is please him. And it clearly does.
posted by MegoSteve at 9:04 PM on June 23, 2001


Sheesh...at least this guy has done something worthy enough to get on the Yahoo! photo page...and what the hell have I done with MY life? Certainly nothing this *interesting*. He's making the rest of us look bad!

(mock self-deprecation - but you knew that, right?)
posted by davidmsc at 9:24 PM on June 23, 2001


You have a point, MegoSteve. And to be honest, I need to give myself a slap on the wrist for just making fun of the guy.

The kind of obsession that would drive someone to go that far does, you have to admit, open up some questions as to whether or not the guy might actually need some sort of help.

Really now, can that be healthy?
posted by jaded at 9:54 PM on June 23, 2001


do you think it's less healthy than any other kind of hobby (like building model trains or woodworking)?

it's gotta be better for you than spending the day reloading metafilter to see if anyone has commented on any of the threads. ;) - rcb
posted by rebeccablood at 10:10 PM on June 23, 2001


EricBrooks, if you have seen this, then you would have caught the humor in, "The 'Commander' has nothing on this guy."

At work, where she make photocopies, Barbara Adams is known as "The Commander."
posted by Brilliantcrank at 10:14 PM on June 23, 2001


you could just walk in and heist his phaser.That is not secure.
posted by clavdivs at 10:23 PM on June 23, 2001


We're all ignoring the most obvious problem here: That apartment doesn't look anything like the Enterprise! It's certainly cribbed from mid-to-late 24th century Starfleet Academy of Interior Design manuals (and I can't wait until Lileks gets around to dissecting those puppies), but it ain't the Baldy Boat. Not even the -E, or -F or whatever it is they're up to at this point.
posted by aaron at 10:38 PM on June 23, 2001


I can't believe we're 30 comments deep into this thread and nobody's mentioned that "In the bedroom area stands a cardboard cutout of Star Trek's Captain Jean-Luc Picard. "! If you want to really max out the not-getting-laid effect, seems to me that would be pretty effective.

Plus it seems to me this is way over into obsessive/compulsive behavior territory. This is not "decorating." The guy lives in an apartment.
posted by JParker at 11:37 PM on June 23, 2001


i think just wearing the uniform maxes out the not-getting-laid-effect.... i cannot imagine how any girl could not laugh watching him disrobe ("romulan warbird decloaking!")... then again, there are probably at least a couple girls who would be into that kind of thing.
posted by lotsofno at 12:02 AM on June 24, 2001


This guy rocks and none of you can hold a candle to what he's done. Yeah, it may be a bit kooky, turning your apartment into a Starship Enterprise, but at least he would be interesting to talk to, unlike a bunch of catty elbow bumpers in a glorified chatroom.


rock on, Tony.
posted by lizardboy at 4:45 AM on June 24, 2001


Actually, JParker, there are a lot of women that are turned on by Ol' Peanut Head, though I'd hesitate to use a life-sized cutout of him as an aphrodisiac.
posted by MegoSteve at 7:06 AM on June 24, 2001


davidmsc said: Sheesh...at least this guy has done something worthy enough to get on the Yahoo! photo page...and what the hell have I done with MY life? Certainly nothing this *interesting*. He's making the rest of us look bad!

Ahh, but I will turn the tables on him! I am hoarding coke cans, and I intend to beat the world record for largest free-standing 2D and 3D pyramid of coke cans, as well as maximum standing on top of each other in a straight line.

Sadly, I can only get 15 high so far, but darn it, I'll make it to the Yahoo pic page soon, lol.
posted by wackybrit at 7:26 AM on June 24, 2001


I think this guy's entire mission was to create an elaborate setup to justify his baldness. "Hey, I'm bald, but if I try to look like a famous bald guy, I'll be totally sheik."

"To baldly go where no one has gone before."
posted by aaronchristy at 8:09 AM on June 24, 2001


How old is that guy? He's dressing up like a TV space man? And he has remodeled his entire home to look like TV spaceship? I don't think we'll be reading anything about his wife's reaction to this; if he ever had one -- and, to me, that seems doubtful -- she almost certainly packed the shuttle and headed for Earth long ago.

> do you think it's less healthy than any other kind of
> hobby (like building model trains or woodworking)?

If the guy took to dressing as the Fat Conductor and remodeled his entire home like Thomas and his friends, or if he began dressing as some famous DIY presenter from the television and he converted his entire home into a replica of the presenter's television woodworking shop but with non-working machines, I think that, too, would be a bit sad.

I love literature, but I don't traipse about the house dressed as Charles Dickens or Little Nell or Captain Ahab or William Shakespeare or Beck Sharp or Don Quixote or Moll Flanders or Uriah Heap. Not often, anyway.
posted by pracowity at 8:31 AM on June 24, 2001


at least he would be interesting to talk to

I doubt that very, very much. It seems like he would talk about Star Trek a lot, which is one of the least interesting things one can talk about.
posted by kindall at 9:48 AM on June 24, 2001


rebeccablood, I agree with you that this guy should not made fun of and is on some level just expressing is great love for Star Trek. However, I have always felt that one should be a fan, not a fanatic. In other words, don't let your hobbies and interests rule your life. I'm a big sports fan, along with being a Star Trek fan, but you don't see me letting it control my life. I don't have a room modeled like Wrigley Field or Yankee Stadium, but nonetheless I still enjoy baseball. Anyone who invests that much time, money and resources into doing what Mr. Alleyne is doing does need help. Not because he invests his resources into a Star Trek related activity, but because he does it at a seemly very high cost (human companionship being on of them). Also, time and money are two of the most limited resources; one should choose to spend either of them wisely. While I don't think Mr. Alleyne's interests in Star Trek is nerdy or stupid; I do think that the lack of apparent balance in his life is crazy and could also be destructive.
posted by Bag Man at 10:14 AM on June 24, 2001


I do think that the lack of apparent balance in his life is crazy and could also be destructive.

How do you know, exactly? Did you talk to him? Obviously, he has human contact, or this story would never have appeared in the first place. He doesn't seem to have minded talking with a reporter either. It's a totally ridiculous and cheesy thing he did, in my opinion. But eccentricity is not a psychological disorder, nor is having bad taste.
posted by raysmj at 11:23 AM on June 24, 2001


Bag Man: ...but because he does it at a seemly very high cost (human companionship being on of them).

There is nothing established here, in the photograph, or the caption that indicates this fellow doesn't have human companionship. Am I missing something? Does the fact that he's wearing a communicator mean that he doesn't have a social life?
posted by hijinx at 12:46 PM on June 24, 2001


one of the reasons that I think burning man is so popular is that most people don't let themselves pretend at all in their everyday lives. I was really puzzled by this for a long time, what's the big deal about dressing up for a week? I dress exactly the way I want to every day of the week.

then someone pointed out to me that most people just don't make room in their lives *at all* for playfulness, or at least for playfulness of a certain kind.

one of my favorite scenes in groundhog day is when he goes to the movies dressed as clint eastwood. he doesn't care anymore if people think he's stupid, because no one is going to remember the next day, anyway.

when I watched that, I thought, "why does it matter in the first place?"

I remember hearing about my nephews when they were little. they had a video about machinery knocking buildings down, and they both put on their hard hats to watch it. what fun! but you grow up and you lose that, you learn that it's not done.

I'm not saying this guy isn't a little out of the norm; I'm just saying that I think "the norm" is a little out of whack, and that we don't allow ourselves enough space in our everyday lives for a certain type of playfulness. - rcb
posted by rebeccablood at 1:03 PM on June 24, 2001


hijinx... yes, i would say that is a fairly good assumption. ;)
posted by fusinski at 1:12 PM on June 24, 2001


you know, the article mentions that his wife left him, and sort of leaves it there, implying that his star trek obsession is the reason for that.

I wonder if this happened:
1) his wife left him.
2) he had to move into a new apartment
3) he was heartbroken
  a) and not ready to meet someone new yet
  b) and needed something to take his mind off of things
  c) and thought he'd make the best of things. ("I'm the only one living here! I can do whatever I bloody well like with this apartment!")
4) he created the star trek apartment.

just another way of looking at it all.

I know I'm defending him a lot, I just think this is not so far off of other people's more sanctioned obsessions. - rcb
posted by rebeccablood at 1:55 PM on June 24, 2001


Nick Hornby says at the start of Fever Pitch, his first (and I think best) book, which takes for its subject his life as mediated through Arsenal matches: "Women have interests, men have obsessions." It's the presiding theme, too, of his High Fidelity, which many of you may have seen on-screen.

And it's manifested in the popular press: in spite of the attempts of Esquire or Maxim, the majority of magazines designed for a male market are single-interest, as opposed to the generalist Cosmo and its ilk.

But God forbid that we all live lives deemed "acceptable" by the mainstream.
posted by holgate at 1:55 PM on June 24, 2001


rebeccablood et. al.

I want to make it clear that I'm putting the guy down for loving star Trek, in fact I am a pretty big fan of show, nor I am asserting that we must all fit into the mold that society castes (not the pun, hehehe) for us. My motto is that it's our weirdness, or at least my weirdness, that we makes me feel alive; if fact, underneath my Gap and Polo shirts beats the heart of really weird person. It would be a pretty boring world without Trekkies/Trekkers or those guys who paint their bodies blue and orange at a Bears games. However, by the same token, obsessions over a TV show, sports team, movie or whatever else can be destructive, that's the larger issue. Just look at the people who killed themselves after the original Star Wars movie was taken out of theaters. Man, it's a good movie, but certainly not worth one's life. Besides, some amount of conformity (and I know you all will dam to Hell for saying this) is needed on a certain level. Without it we could not get along in society, we couldn't even function nor have any sort of governing body for mutual protection.

On to the specific issue…

I applaud Mr. Alleyne for having the guts to do such a thing. But if one is to remake a whole apartment in a replica of a starship, that's gotta be expensive, and knowing the UK its much more expensive than on my side of the Atlantic. Also, while his it is unclear the circumstances in which his wife left him and why he has not found another woman yet, people in general aren't as cool and open minded as perhaps rebeccablood is or most people that that post on MiFi (including myself, I’d like to think). So that leads me to believe that his extreme interest in Star Trek may have played a role in his current lack of female companionship. I only hope that he finds someone who doesn’t care or thinks that Star Trek is as cool as he does. I wish him no duress, why should I? I don’t know the guy, he could be very cool, but maybe he’s not.

Having gone to a private, upscale high school and spent college at small liberal arts college in the North East I know first hand that conformity is the norm in "civil society." Most of the time it makes me want to barf, but as the expression goes, no man is an island unto himself. I think that’s very true, we need each other and conformity is one way to make sure we’re all on the page. I done my polos to seem "normal" and get a long, in addition to thinking they feel great and are very conformable. We must all live and function together, and the need for a girlfriend or a wife is one that is basic to human existence (i.e. to pass along our genes, blame evolution if you must). It sucks we can never truly be who we really are, but that's life, suck as it may. That's why I always give people, like Mr. Alleyne, their props. But, his choices do come at a cost, not from any moral imperative, but just reality.
posted by Bag Man at 3:40 PM on June 24, 2001


BigMan: The lack of female companionship at any moment is now considered a disorder? Do gays and lesbians have disorders because they will, in most cases, not pass on their genes? Mr Alleyne could pass on his genes in many of various ways these days too. Oh sheesh. What about monks and priests? Time to round up all the monks and send them through electroshock therapy, give them Paxil or whatever?

The guy is odd, and not in a way that seems particularly interesting or worthwhile (to himself, except in the short term, or any culture) to me. And you do take your chances in going against the mainstream. Always. You do have to extrovert your individuality to be an individual, a fact our society is very much in need of learning. One can find freedom within a structure. Simplicity can be beautiful. Etc., etc. But don't go too far.
posted by raysmj at 5:01 PM on June 24, 2001


Rather, you *do not* have to extrovert your individuality.
posted by raysmj at 5:12 PM on June 24, 2001


BigMan: The lack of female companionship at any moment is now considered a disorder?

Did I ever call it a “disorder”? I think not, get your facts right raysmj.

You missed my point completely...my point was that I do express individuality, in fact, all the time, but society puts unfair restraints on all of us. In a perfect world we would be about be ourselves and not incur the rather or ire of those who cling too much to conformity. The only problem is we don’t live in a perfect world. Perhaps you missed this part of my post: My motto is that it's our weirdness, or at least my weirdness, that we makes me feel alive; if fact, underneath my Gap and Polo shirts beats the heart of really weird person. It would be a pretty boring world without Trekkies/Trekkers or those guys who paint their bodies blue and orange at a Bears games.

I love my weirdness and I won’t give it up for anything, however, I don’t show to just everybody. In fact, those who are privy to it get a little too much.

However this a sharp difference between enjoying the verity of life and being too obsessed by something.

P.S. I also don't like the inference that I am homophobic, because I am not. I was not in anyway asserting that the only way to live ones life is with a wife, 2.5 kids, and white picket fence in some lame ass suburb. The "female companionship" point was made in specific reference to Mr. Alleyne, who by all accounts is a heterosexual. Therefore the urge to have sex with women is very immense, hahaha, which I say from personal experience. By the way, you missed the part were I lauded Mr. Alleyne for his courage. Shame on you raysmj for ignoring the facts and logic, and trying to prove your point by calling me a name!
posted by Bag Man at 5:57 PM on June 24, 2001


And another thing raysmj...

One can find freedom within a structure. Simplicity can be beautiful. Etc., etc. But don't go too far..

I was not at any point asserting with my ruminations that a “simple life” full of structure is good. In fact, I believe the opposite; I would rather live an interesting life that was full of variety. Again to quote myself: It would be a pretty boring world without Trekkies/Trekkers or those guys who paint their bodies blue and orange at a Bears games. I enjoy life full of verity and difference on a daily basis, however, I must, like you raysmj and the rest of the world, conform on some level to function in society.

Example: The wearing of clothes. Going naked would allow us to express ourselves in perhaps the most pure way, but if went out on the street naked we would pay the price for not conforming. We may be cold, exposed to elements and perhaps thrown in jail.

The point again, cause I know you may need to hear it once or twice more, society places unfair restrains on our free expression of self. Point #2, obsession over anything can (but not always) be bad, or how I really said it, "destructive" not, I reapet not, a "disorder". Have you go it?

Oh, and next time you quote me make I would appreciate if you checked to see if I actually said what you say I said in the first place.

In the your post in regards to mine you have not used any facts or even quoted me right, arguing against you is like shooting fish in a barrel. I do find freedom in your apparent stupidity and/or lack of reading comprehension skills. Again, shame on you!
posted by Bag Man at 6:33 PM on June 24, 2001


Bag Man: The gay and lesbian thing was a joke, aimed at the carrying-on-of-genes bit.
posted by raysmj at 6:33 PM on June 24, 2001


Also, I was also concurring with you to a certain extent, not disagreeing, on the freedom within a structure part. The "structure" is a society or community we all worth within. Full individuality -- or, more appropriate, individuation -- and community can both be had and should be wanted.
posted by raysmj at 6:43 PM on June 24, 2001


raysmj, sorry for shooting from the hip a little much. I apologize for calling you stupid...
posted by Bag Man at 8:56 PM on June 24, 2001


Ok.. I have spent the last several minutes weighing through the posts here, trying to decide on the pro- or anti - , and switching backwards and forwards several times over the course of the argument. I have been a 'Star Trek' fan of some stripe since before many here were born. I have done the convention thing probably ten times over the course of years, but never to the extremes one may be familiar with through the sensationalism of media. I'm also a lifestyle Dominant, but I don't own a pair of leather pants, either.

Everybody needs something to believe in - be it God or the Lakers or Star Trek or the fabled gentility of medieval fantasy. There are people who spend 52 hours a year every Sunday singing and mumbling to some universal Santa Claus; some of whom even turn parts of their houses into shrines to the icons of their belief. They study assiduously a bastardization of a severely edited and censored subgenera of ancient text in the expectation that it will provide them with life eternal.

Is it wrong? Not for them; the belief is theirs to accept and embrace. It enriches them and nourishes them; so, on a case-by-case basis, it's a good thing. Is it counter-productive? It's their lives to use as they wish - I can't evaluate their use of private time. Would I choose to emulate them? No.

Perhaps a major difference between our subject and the group I speak of is that he would not hold us in lesser esteem if we did not follow in his footsteps and take our disbelief in his path as a personal attack.

I respect his choice of lifestyle, as I respect theirs... but would note that if one belief- and emulation-set is not respected, then none can be held sacred. Infinite Diversity in Infinite Combinations - in their own way, nearly every belief system has worth, no matter how unusual it might seem to us. Dreams don't need to be based in reality to bring comfort. We should leave him with his.
posted by Perigee at 11:29 PM on June 24, 2001


He thinks he's Pikachu? Good! Everyone needs a role model.

Perhaps everybody needs something to believe in, but if dressing up in a TV starship captain's purple nylon pantsuit and parading about the house flicking nonfunctional warp-drive switches is as good as, for example, a vast, ancient system of metaphysics and related philosophy and commentary (I am, of course, speaking of the Lakers), then anything's good and nothing's good.
posted by pracowity at 5:30 AM on June 25, 2001


rebeccablood said: "I wonder if this happened...

Hmm... My wife left me. I'm not heart broken about it. I was in 97. She took three years to move out and in that time we've remained friends but I'm very over her. However I'm definitely not ready to meet someone new yet, at least not anything serious. I do things to take my mind off things, and try to make the best of it. I didn't come up with the Star Trek apartment idea, but I've been trying to think of a way to encourage myself to clean up the house. It's starting to look like the scene in Color Purple after Whoopi Goldberg leaves Danny Glover and he just lets his house go to shit. ...a project of some sort would probably be healthy.

I'm in an ideal position to convert my house into a starship! I even like Star Trek. So why don't I do it?
1. I'm lazy.
2. It's cost prohibitive.
3. When you really sit and think about it, it is pretty stupid.
4. Apparently, slowly losing your hair has something to do with it and I don't have that problem yet. Maybe in a couple years.

Recently a friend of mine said I should quit wondering whether or not I should try to meet someone new. My friend says this is MY year, and I should do stuff just for me. I looked at him like he was crazy. But this Star Trek guy's on the right track. He's got his place the way he wants it. He's got his life the way he wants it. I say more power to him. And shame on those of you judging him; saying he's mental and needs help. So long as he's happy, who's it hurting?
posted by ZachsMind at 2:34 AM on June 28, 2001


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