Comments on: Verbing the Noun, if you know what I mean, nudge nudge, wink wink.

Verbing the Noun, if you know what I mean, nudge nudge, wink wink.

wendell — Sat, 03 Oct 2009 17:34:51 -0800

"They spent the entire weekend licking the underside of the airbags. Or sowing oats with the pepperoni calzone. Or Martinizing the Twinkie. Or messaging* the hand grenade. The Euphemismator provides randomly-generated euphemisms (like the previously MeFi-ed Always Amusing Euphemism Generator, but with the option to 'lock' parts of the phrase to seek out the best combinations). Or try out the more comlex algorithm of Toykeeper.net's Euphemism Generator. Politics has even gotten involved with the Obama-Matic (TM) Content-Free Euphemism Generator (funnier than 99% of right-wing humor, but isn't there anybody in the Teabag Blogoshpere who can automate it, like somebody did to Wondermark's Genre-Fiction Generator [previously here]?)

* yes, it said 'messaging' not 'massaging'. Subtle but important difference. And I can't believe I created this post without the aid of The Generator Blog, which may have been put out of business by the All-Purpose Generator Creator.

By: Avelwood

Avelwood — Sat, 03 Oct 2009 17:55:14 -0800

...with the option to 'lock' parts of the phrase to seek out the best combinations This reminds me vaguely of Dawkins' program to evolve a phrase from Hamlet out of randomly selected characters. Except we keep the silly bits instead of getting rid of them. Oh well. Scarfing the pepperoni calzone and renormalizing the martini sound really good right about now. I think I'll go do that.

By: munchingzombie

munchingzombie — Sat, 03 Oct 2009 18:12:09 -0800

Man, I would check this out. But I have been "phoning the chocolate goat" since last night.

By: wendell

wendell — Sat, 03 Oct 2009 18:15:52 -0800

I know what you mean, I've been spending a lot of time munching the zombie myself. When I'm not aveling the wood.

By: DU

DU — Sat, 03 Oct 2009 18:27:39 -0800

If licking the underside of the airbags is a euphemism for something, it's a Rule 34 of something I never want to see.

By: Decimask

Decimask — Sat, 03 Oct 2009 18:29:18 -0800

"Even though the train was crowded, they were squeezing the bejeezus out of the the Donkey Kong Jr."

By: The Whelk

The Whelk — Sat, 03 Oct 2009 18:30:22 -0800

"Between classes, they were caressing the Papa Smurf." I'm not sure if this is scarier if it is or isn't a euphemism.

By: Decimask

Decimask — Sat, 03 Oct 2009 18:30:56 -0800

"She knew he was a keeper when he was feeling up the womp rat." Book. Marked. Awesome.

By: idiopath

idiopath — Sat, 03 Oct 2009 18:36:10 -0800

You can't blame him for enjoying the taste of the fire hose. It says so much about who we are, really.

By: wendell

wendell — Sat, 03 Oct 2009 18:40:25 -0800

The Star Wars references in there are great, just for the variety of things you can do to jawas, banthas, padawans, ewoks, various-colored lightsabers, Darth Vader or Jar Jar Binks.

By: Uppity Pigeon #2

Uppity Pigeon #2 — Sat, 03 Oct 2009 18:48:34 -0800

I'd look at these links, but I'm too busy paying strippers to hit me in the face.

By: Inspector.Gadget

Inspector.Gadget — Sat, 03 Oct 2009 18:54:46 -0800

Brought this to mind.

By: eegphalanges

eegphalanges — Sat, 03 Oct 2009 18:56:23 -0800

Ah, the guy on the bus was 'strangling the longshoreman', the machine tells me.

By: aetg

aetg — Sat, 03 Oct 2009 18:57:31 -0800

Under the covers they were going down on the Harry Potter. book-related euphemisms. yummy!

By: wendell

wendell — Sat, 03 Oct 2009 19:21:19 -0800

Some of the verb choices are not nearly euphemistic enough. "going down on"?

By: Rinku

Rinku — Sat, 03 Oct 2009 19:26:11 -0800

I, too, am in heaven when he's bending the Bob Dole.

By: axiom

axiom — Sat, 03 Oct 2009 19:36:22 -0800

I love it when she keeps her high heels on when she's licking every inch of the beaver. This thing needs to try harder.

By: Freen

Freen — Sat, 03 Oct 2009 19:45:18 -0800

Click Face: receive Meme

By: jhc

jhc — Sat, 03 Oct 2009 19:47:02 -0800

"They spent the entire weekend licking the underside of the airbags. Or sowing oats with the pepperoni calzone. Or Martinizing the Twinkie. "The sheer imagination with which they sabotaged their masters' possessions -- the disgusting yet pointless precision of their minor vandalism -- was a continuing source of puzzlement to me when I arrived at the Island. At the very first, I was shocked. I had sacrificed everything, been extraordinarily lucky, to join the Island's staff. The virtual slavery of our position wasn't just better than the chaos of the mainland; it was a gift of salvation. Of grace. "So at first I was shocked. And then I settled into my new role, got used to regular meals and shelter. Without death standing so close, I understood how the staff could resent the masters, even when they had given us safety. I assumed that the minor acts of rebellion -- glazing the microwave, flushing the rugs, twiddling a prize dog -- were driven by some innate sense that one person should not serve another. Not completely. Not without recourse. Not at the point of a knife. "But even that explanation seems naive to me now. Could some wellspring of humanity really explain the entire weekends, those precious days when the masters left on their boats, spent putting Heinz on the carburetors, giving the lightbulbs a double screw, or filtering Scotch the hard way? "No. Here's what I think it comes down to. We had lost our culture -- our currency -- our families -- our titles and degrees -- our pop songs and summer blockbusters -- our politics and laws. We had no possessions. "We filled the void with our pranks. "If you wanted to train revolutionaries, there were worse ways to start." Sorry, I didn't think this post was complete without the full quote.

By: StickyCarpet

StickyCarpet — Sat, 03 Oct 2009 19:50:51 -0800

They spent the entire weekend licking the underside of the airbags. Or sowing oats with the pepperoni calzone. Or Martinizing the Twinkie. Or messaging* the hand grenade. I saw those first four sentences, and thought, "Here's someone who has raised sheep."

By: computech_apolloniajames

computech_apolloniajames — Sat, 03 Oct 2009 20:22:35 -0800

jhc, what is that quote from?

By: empath

empath — Sat, 03 Oct 2009 21:16:47 -0800

I'm pretty sure he just made it up.

By: xorry

xorry — Sat, 03 Oct 2009 21:30:29 -0800

Of course, back in my day we called it nibbling at the cave.

By: weapons-grade pandemonium

weapons-grade pandemonium — Sat, 03 Oct 2009 21:48:42 -0800

She was shocked to walk in on her roommates when they were juggling the pink cottom (sic) candy. They spent the whole morning cuddling the George Bush. Once alone in the closet, they were squeezing and sucking the hooters. On lunch break, they quickly snuck home and began riding the Stephen Hawking wheelchair. You can't blame him for arresting the mechanical pencil. She got an A+ because she was messaging the F-14 Tomcat. She's an expert at enjoying the taste of the squirrel food. When no one was looking, they began scratching the Ferrari Testarossa. Epic FAIL.

By: gc

gc — Sat, 03 Oct 2009 21:53:50 -0800

"She always shuts her eyes when she's cutting the Higgs boson." I think I'm in love.

By: Rhaomi

Rhaomi — Sat, 03 Oct 2009 22:10:43 -0800

wendell: "The Euphemismator provides randomly-generated euphemisms ... but with the option to 'lock' parts of the phrase to seek out the best combinations)." It's like cracking the launch codes for the world's most destructive pickup line. "How about a nice game of chess," indeed.

By: sebastienbailard

sebastienbailard — Sat, 03 Oct 2009 23:07:41 -0800

"No one was surprised when Paris Hilton was caught on video massaging the scalar field." My wife the physicist liked that one. "In the back of the bus they were rebooting the scalar field." sound more like a Dr. Who episode.

By: little e

little e — Sun, 04 Oct 2009 01:16:51 -0800

The alphabet thread's on U, dammit, none of these sentences begin with U.

By: flippant

flippant — Sun, 04 Oct 2009 02:10:20 -0800

She always shuts her eyes when she's licking every inch of the pitcher's mound. I love me some baseball.

By: spacely_sprocket

spacely_sprocket — Sun, 04 Oct 2009 05:22:31 -0800

She excused herself to the bathroom and began shaking the Gates of Mordor. My kind of girl.

By: jhc

jhc — Sun, 04 Oct 2009 12:49:02 -0800

jhc, what is that quote from? It's from my forthcoming novel, "I Read Way Too Much Heinlein As A Child." It'll probably be a limited run.

By: Eclipsante

Eclipsante — Sun, 04 Oct 2009 15:12:48 -0800

Apparently I "spent the whole night grinding the mighty mouse". I don't recall that...and I didn't even have a drink last night!

By: liza

liza — Sun, 04 Oct 2009 15:31:56 -0800

i love your Calvin & Hobbes + Monty Python mashup in the tiltle :)

By: Theta States

Theta States — Mon, 05 Oct 2009 10:32:15 -0800

Martinizing the Twinkie? That's a great idea! I'm off to the bar.