Plumbers Don't Wear Ties

October 4, 2009 7:48 AM

Plumbers Don't Wear Ties, the legendarily awful 3DO game, is now fully playable on YouTube. It is a (barely) "Interactive Romantic Comedy," whose main selling point is its "17+" rating for innuendo, language, and censored nudity. (Walkthrough inside)

Walkthrough:

He makes a first move!
He plans a vigorous assault later on!
The hairball takes advantage of the situation!!
Our heroine declines the disgusting proposal!
John heroically dashes off to save Jane!!
Jane rejects the power.
I want the Hollywood ending!!

Or just watch the individual scenes in whatever order you want.

posted by CrunchyFrog (29 comments total)

Ugh, this game is awful.
posted by MrLint at 8:39 AM on October 4, 2009

Holy shiznit. This isn't even "ha ha" awful, this is "cringe in sympathy embarassment awful. Gah.
posted by LMGM at 8:41 AM on October 4, 2009

This game sounds criminally terrible but the review is almost as bad. Why why on earth could anyone possibly want to see a naked d00d here on Alternate Earth That Has No Females Or Gay Males?!?
posted by DU at 8:41 AM on October 4, 2009 [2 favorites]

The dialogue is awfulsome.
posted by 23skidoo at 8:56 AM on October 4, 2009

Gay men and girls/women have better things to do with their time than play with their 3DOs, DU; attempts to reach them via 3DO would have been likely to fail.

I guess what I'm saying is the Venn diagram does not lie.
posted by notyou at 8:58 AM on October 4, 2009

Screw direct to DVD, direct to 3D0 is where it's at.
posted by broken wheelchair at 9:06 AM on October 4, 2009 [1 favorite]

The worst FMV game I've ever played was Fox Hunt for the PS1. There's a video of most of it on YouTube (1,2,3,4). It was a horrible game, but it was also impossibly hard, so it kind made you want to finish it anyway.
posted by burnmp3s at 9:26 AM on October 4, 2009

Wow. It's just like a video game version of The Room.
posted by Strange Interlude at 9:28 AM on October 4, 2009

The worst FMV game I've ever played was Fox Hunt for the PS1.

Wow, that was weird. And a quick googling brought me to the IMDB page for a film based on the game, where the producer writes: "It was the first ever movie actually created utilizing footage from the interactive game, although we shot some additional footage to complete the movie."
posted by effbot at 9:44 AM on October 4, 2009

Metafilter: The Venn diagram does not lie.
posted by Lipstick Thespian at 10:14 AM on October 4, 2009

I hope that woman was paid enough so that she could afford to go see a speech therapist.
posted by HeroZero at 10:18 AM on October 4, 2009

It's really hard to play a game where, if you win, you get to pretend to have sex with a woman you wouldn't really want to have sex with in life.
posted by Astro Zombie at 10:34 AM on October 4, 2009

Gay men and girls/women have better things to do with their time than play with their 3DOs, DU; attempts to reach them via 3DO would have been likely to fail.

Didn't stop them from trying, obviously - after all, the game was marketed as a "romantic comedy."
posted by effbot at 10:35 AM on October 4, 2009

Should Calculon:

1. Have an exciting car chase on the way to the docks.
2. Finish his filing.
posted by The Devil Tesla at 10:37 AM on October 4, 2009 [5 favorites]

It's really hard to play a game where, if you win, you get to pretend to have sex with a woman you wouldn't really want to have sex with in life.

You're scared she'd beat you up?
posted by effbot at 10:37 AM on October 4, 2009

Jane rejects the power is a kickass name for all sorts of things.
posted by Durn Bronzefist at 11:52 AM on October 4, 2009 [1 favorite]

This is inconceivably bad.
posted by ixohoxi at 1:28 PM on October 4, 2009

It's really hard to play a game where, if you win, you get to pretend to have sex with a woman you wouldn't really want to have sex with in life.

You're scared she'd beat you up?
posted by effbot at 10:37 AM

Sweet jesus, she looks like Chyna. Sorry, but that is not sexy to me.
posted by cerulgalactus at 2:45 PM on October 4, 2009

It's so awful...but I can't stop. It's like a drug, but there is no high and the only hangover is the shame of losing an afternoon.
posted by metacollin at 2:46 PM on October 4, 2009

Soooo...it's like a porn if you fast-forwarded through the sex scenes?

*ponders*
posted by JoanArkham at 5:16 PM on October 4, 2009

Everything about this is wrong. Everything. I'm awed and would purchase this all day every day.
posted by jaduncan at 6:13 PM on October 4, 2009

Wow. I just got to the gratuitious nudity scene. I'm amazed it could get worse.

"This is inconceivably bad." I assumed this was hyperbole. It is not. I am astounded. And yet I am on my fourth click-through. I cry for the innocence of my soul.
posted by jaduncan at 6:24 PM on October 4, 2009 [1 favorite]

As a game developer it saddens me that not only will a team full of people never get the months of their life back it took to produce this "thing," but that somewhere there is a former 3DO employee who let this go to market. I fear that none of us will ever truly be safe for decades to come.
posted by GameDesignerBen at 6:53 PM on October 4, 2009

It's really hard to play a game where, if you win, you get to pretend to have sex with a woman you wouldn't really want to have sex with in life.

That's what ruined Custer's Revenge for me

well, that and the racism

also, the graphics suuucked
posted by jtron at 8:19 PM on October 4, 2009

There are two possible explanations for this game:

- Cocaine
- Tax writeoff
posted by zippy at 10:29 PM on October 4, 2009 [1 favorite]

The music when the "hairball" makes his indecent proposal is impossibly grim, but the music when she is fleeing in her underwear through the office as he attempts to stab her with a letter opener is like "Generic zany jazz #3."
posted by No-sword at 4:12 AM on October 5, 2009

Also, there was a 3DO game called Corpse Killer.
posted by No-sword at 4:17 AM on October 5, 2009

Could they have made the creepy subtext of virgin/whore dichotomy underlying the whole thing even more obvious? 'Cause that would have made this awesome!
posted by BrotherCaine at 12:19 AM on October 7, 2009

In the same vein, here's a very exciting interactive game that you can play about working for McDonald's.
posted by tellurian at 10:04 PM on October 22, 2009