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October 6, 2009 7:27 AM   Subscribe

Isabella Sinclaire isn't just a world-famous dominatrix. She's also owner of two film distribution companies, an accomplished director of high-quality fetish videos, and is now a pitch-person for Lynda Resnick's Wonderful Pistachios. (NSFW)
posted by valkane (73 comments total) 4 users marked this as a favorite

 
Talk about a garden-path typographic sentence...
Resnick earned the nickname "Pom Queen" for her role in bringing pomegranates into popular use in the United States. In 2009, she published her first book, Rubies in the Orchard, about "the secrets of marketing just about anything."
At a certain point, double entedres just sort of collapse down into a singularity of "I'm not sure if that is dirty or not."
posted by rokusan at 7:32 AM on October 6, 2009 [4 favorites]


I just saw another one of these pistachio ads with Levi Johnston in it. What a strange little set of ads.
posted by jessamyn at 7:33 AM on October 6, 2009 [1 favorite]


Not to derail, but did anyone see Levi Johnston shilling for the same company? It's actually a little funny.
posted by HumanComplex at 7:34 AM on October 6, 2009


jessamyn: great minds...
posted by HumanComplex at 7:37 AM on October 6, 2009


I just saw one last night with the little person from "Jackass" cracking one on his forehead.
posted by Burhanistan at 7:39 AM on October 6, 2009


I suppose as a dominatrix, she's accustomed to flogging nuts.
posted by louche mustachio at 7:41 AM on October 6, 2009 [23 favorites]


Pepsi Blue Balls.
posted by Rangeboy at 7:49 AM on October 6, 2009 [1 favorite]


The ad agency sold this campaign to their client with the promise that it would go viral. Glad to see we're doing our part to prove them right.
posted by dersins at 7:52 AM on October 6, 2009 [4 favorites]


Why the hell does Levi Johnston have his own last name tattooed on his forearm? Is this something I'd have to be from the meth capital of Alaska to understand?
posted by stavrogin at 7:54 AM on October 6, 2009 [3 favorites]


I need to see this with Walnuts. Please, Levi, use your connections if you haven't already burned all your bridges.
posted by mccarty.tim at 7:54 AM on October 6, 2009


There's a dominatrix, distribution companies, a commercial and the Pom Queen. Not satisfied with that mix, Metafilter adds in Levi Johnston.

Stop it, too early in the morning for that blender bender.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 8:05 AM on October 6, 2009


I just saw another one of these pistachio ads with Levi Johnston in it. What a strange little set of ads.

Y'know, I'd hit that.

Also, Sinclaire's skill with that whip is pretty impressive.
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 8:11 AM on October 6, 2009 [1 favorite]


We live in a strange, strange world.
posted by diogenes at 8:11 AM on October 6, 2009


I gat all of my dried culinary seeds from Paulie Walnuts. I don't have a choice.
posted by Astro Zombie at 8:14 AM on October 6, 2009 [2 favorites]


Makes sense if you think about it. Who else is more of an expert at cracking nuts?
posted by middleclasstool at 8:16 AM on October 6, 2009


Who else is more of an expert at cracking nuts?

Big Pussy?
posted by rokusan at 8:22 AM on October 6, 2009


I absolutely cannot wait to get home and read all of these links blocked by my office IT. This Tuesday needed some nuts in bondage.
posted by munchingzombie at 8:25 AM on October 6, 2009


Also, Sinclaire's skill with that whip is pretty impressive.

Uh huh. And it's equally impressive that they somehow found a giant pistachio with a bag of Wonderful Pistachios inside the shell for the final shot.
posted by dersins at 8:27 AM on October 6, 2009 [4 favorites]


Lynda Rae Resnick is an American entrepreneur, businesswoman, and writer known for her management and marketing of such brands as POM Wonderful, Teleflora, and FIJI Water.

FIJI Water still intimidates me, without the thought of it being even vaguely associated with a a whip-wielding dominatrix.

Also, I didn't realize Levi Johnston's tattoo was so ... boring. It's like he made an iron-on tattoo from a random bold font he found on Microsoft Word. If it were a weird last name that was troublesome to spell, that would be more functional and amusing (as I now imagine Boutros Boutros-Ghali with such a tattoo, shoving his sleeve back to display BOUTROS-GHALI to a night manager of a hotel, when asked for the spelling of his last name).
posted by filthy light thief at 8:31 AM on October 6, 2009 [4 favorites]


*sigh*

Yes, it's entirely unbelievable that a fucking professional dominatrix would have that kind of accuracy with a whip.
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 8:31 AM on October 6, 2009 [1 favorite]


Okay. I'm sorry. But come on: dominatrices don't do things "on command." They command OTHERS to do things. No. I'm sorry. I can't get past that.
posted by nanojath at 8:38 AM on October 6, 2009 [4 favorites]


Yeah... cooler would have been her saying "Crack" and the shell splitting open.
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 8:42 AM on October 6, 2009 [6 favorites]


Great, there is another food I will have to be eroticized about now.
posted by Iron Rat at 8:44 AM on October 6, 2009


Well, based on the difficulty I had parsing it repeatedly in this thread, I'm now thinking that Pom Star might make a pretty entertaining title business card or line on a resume.
posted by quin at 8:45 AM on October 6, 2009


In other news, I can now confirm that "cock and ball torture" doesn't turn me on.
posted by nanojath at 8:48 AM on October 6, 2009


Yes, it's entirely unbelievable that a fucking professional dominatrix would have that kind of accuracy with a whip.

No, it's reasonably plausible that a well-practiced whip-wielder could hit a target as small as a pistachio.

And if you want to go ahead and believe anything reasonably plausible that you see in commercials, then go ahead.

Just know that it's easier, faster, and most importantly cheaper to digitally create and manipulate the pistachio she "whips" than it is to keep your crew sitting around for take after take while your temperamental talent gets increasingly frustrated at the fact that the equally temperamental director (or, god forbid, the agency art director) feels like the nut moved "just a little too much" on take forty-eight. Especially since you probably have two more sets of talent and props to shuffle on and off your white cyc before you wrap.
posted by dersins at 9:11 AM on October 6, 2009


stavrogin: "Why the hell does Levi Johnston have his own last name tattooed on his forearm? Is this something I'd have to be from the meth capital of Alaska to understand?"
No, they're magical tattoos. It's like Shazam; when he crosses his arm to spell LEVI JOHNSTON, he becomes the super-hero LEVI JOHNSTON, who's completely different than Levi Johnston, although some people are beginning to notice that they never see LEVI JOHNSTON and Levi Johnston in the same room.
posted by boo_radley at 9:11 AM on October 6, 2009 [1 favorite]


dersins, I believe you missed the entire point there. Also, next time you eat breakfast? Wash the piss off your cornflakes first. Much tastier, I assure you.
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 9:13 AM on October 6, 2009


Why are we talking about a bunch of D-list crapfaces?
posted by Burhanistan at 9:20 AM on October 6, 2009 [3 favorites]


I was going to comment on how sterile they managed to make the whole thing with the overdone fetishy getup and then realized.. oh, it's a chair.
posted by Non Prosequitur at 9:21 AM on October 6, 2009


Hmm. The poster has three posts and 1 fpp. Interesting coincidence that.
posted by Antidisestablishmentarianist at 9:21 AM on October 6, 2009


Sorry if I seem pissy, but I get pretty fucking annoyed when I see shit like this on the front page of metafilter.

It's an ad.

I don't care if it features the coolest counterculture-y-est person ever-- it's here because their deliberate, cynical attempt to create a viral phenomenon is working.

And we're letting them do it-- we're buying into their schtick. There's nothing real or sincere in advertising of this sort. Nothing. This ad doesn't feature everyone's fave dominatrix because the agency actually thinks she's interesting, it features her in order to increase the chance that the ad will be linked on Metafilter, on Reddit, on Digg, &c. &c. &c.
posted by dersins at 9:23 AM on October 6, 2009 [7 favorites]


Then kindly direct your anger elsewhere, and not at those who do find this interesting and are talking about it.
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 9:26 AM on October 6, 2009


Oh, good, I'm getting lectured in decorum by metafilter's absolute paragon of reasoned and reasonable discourse.
posted by dersins at 9:29 AM on October 6, 2009 [1 favorite]


Shut up the both of you. MetaTalk exists for things like this.
posted by jessamyn at 9:31 AM on October 6, 2009 [8 favorites]


well, if there was a thread to have discipline issues in..
posted by Non Prosequitur at 9:31 AM on October 6, 2009 [9 favorites]


From the wiki on Resnik: The new business plan of providing products that delivered “emotional satisfaction” and high quality paid off: in their first seven years of owning the Franklin Mint, the Resnicks increased the annual revenue from $150 million to nearly $1 billion.

I'm saddened, embarassed and amazed by this.
posted by klanawa at 9:48 AM on October 6, 2009


Also, I didn't realize Levi Johnston's tattoo was so ... boring. It's like he made an iron-on tattoo from a random bold font he found on Microsoft Word. If it were a weird last name that was troublesome to spell

It's a bit harder to spell than you might think. ("With a T or no T? With an H or no?"). I don't have an opinion on the tattoo one way or the other, and I have no idea who this guy is, but that might have been the motivation here.

Thanks for this post though, as I hadn't heard of Resnick until now either...
posted by Zinger at 9:51 AM on October 6, 2009


>: high-quality fetish videos

Hmm. What exactly would a low-quality fetish video be like?
posted by dunkadunc at 9:59 AM on October 6, 2009


Youtube.
posted by TwelveTwo at 10:03 AM on October 6, 2009 [1 favorite]


Some people do interesting things with nuts that are fun and viral and don't advertise a goddamn thing.
posted by davejay at 10:14 AM on October 6, 2009 [1 favorite]


Hmm. The poster has three posts and 1 fpp. Interesting coincidence that.

And 8 AskMes, some of which date back to 2006. She also posted about Resnick in her personal blog, (...and even credited MeFi for something in the entry,) three days ago.

Smoke ≠ fire. :)
posted by zarq at 10:26 AM on October 6, 2009


Hmm. What exactly would a low-quality fetish video be like?

I can't tell if this question is sincere, but there are lots of amateur and low-budget BDSM videos that look like they were shot with someone's cellphone in a basement using only nightlights for lighting.
posted by desjardins at 10:42 AM on October 6, 2009


I can't tell if this question is sincere, but there are lots of amateur and low-budget BDSM videos that look like they were shot with someone's cellphone in a basement using only nightlights for lighting.
posted by desjardins at 1:42 PM on October 6


Those are called 'kidnappings'.
posted by Pastabagel at 10:48 AM on October 6, 2009 [2 favorites]


This many comments in and no one has mentioned the number agreement problem in the voice-over? "Dominatrix do it..."? How did that get past everyone associated with producing this commercial?
posted by rusty at 10:51 AM on October 6, 2009 [1 favorite]


apparently, it's not pepsi blue if enough people drink it.
posted by the aloha at 10:54 AM on October 6, 2009 [2 favorites]


This many comments in and no one has mentioned the number agreement problem in the voice-over? "Dominatrix do it..."? How did that get past everyone associated with producing this commercial?

HA HA HA HA HA

You have obviously never worked in the advertising industry, where it is the norm for people to "correct" your correct grammar to some semiliterate horribleness because they don't want to sound "prissy".

I'm sure some yahoo said "'Dominatrixes' is too hard to say" and that "dominatrices" wasn't even on the table.

If it makes you happy, you can imagine that it's spelled "Dominatrix's".
posted by Sidhedevil at 11:21 AM on October 6, 2009 [1 favorite]


This many comments in and no one has mentioned the number agreement problem in the voice-over? "Dominatrix do it..."?

Domiatrices just doesn't have the same ring.

Also, wasn't this woman involved in all kinds of shady mining operations, in addition to Fiji Water, which is involved with the dictatorship on the Island.
posted by delmoi at 11:27 AM on October 6, 2009


low-quality fetish videos aren't just about production values though. there are aesthetics in every genre and there's such a thing as clueless fetish vids which seem to be vanilla porn producers half-heartedly trying their hand at it. This is besides random cheesiness issues that are relevant in regular non-fetish contexts (& non-erotica contexts.)
posted by Non Prosequitur at 11:29 AM on October 6, 2009


(Grabs big bag of Dixon Fruit Market's cajun-flavored pistachios, starts crackin'.)

I'd eat her nuts any day.
posted by markkraft at 11:32 AM on October 6, 2009


Couldn't they just have said "a dominatrix does it …"
posted by kenko at 11:38 AM on October 6, 2009


Surely the only really world-famous dominatrix was Margaret Thatcher?
posted by Grangousier at 11:40 AM on October 6, 2009


Surely the only really world-famous dominatrix was Margaret Thatcher?

Don't forget J. Edgar Hoover.
posted by Burhanistan at 11:49 AM on October 6, 2009 [1 favorite]


Fiji Water? The Franklin Mint? She seems to be on some kind of crusade to make the dominatrix biz more respectable... by comparison.
posted by wendell at 11:57 AM on October 6, 2009 [2 favorites]


Awesome. Lynda Resnick's getting a building named after her at the museum where I work... does this mean we can look forward to the Levi Johnston viral ad campaign to "go see some art and shit"?
posted by scody at 12:17 PM on October 6, 2009


If you want I can try for a thread derail by ranting about why I have a passionate hatred of how my sexual orientation has a prostitute as it's mascot, and why I think dominatrices are a symptom of a deep cultural problem? Any takers?
posted by Phalene at 12:29 PM on October 6, 2009


I love the fancy names sex workers adopt.
posted by pinky at 12:30 PM on October 6, 2009


If you want I can try for a thread derail by ranting about why I have a passionate hatred of how my sexual orientation has a prostitute as it's mascot, and why I think dominatrices are a symptom of a deep cultural problem? Any takers?

PLEASE SEE BELOW FOR REASONS YOUR THREAD IDEA WAS NOT ACCEPTED. BEST OF LUCK WITH YOUR FUTURE THREAD-MAKING ENDEAVORS.

(x) MetaFilter doesn't do this well
( ) Too much Carrot Top
(x) Improper apostrophe(s)
( ) Fark
( ) LolXians
( ) You are Holden Karnofsky, and I claim my five pounds
( ) tl;dr
(x) GYOB
posted by Sidhedevil at 12:51 PM on October 6, 2009


If you want I can try for a thread derail by ranting about why I have a passionate hatred of how my sexual orientation has a prostitute as it's mascot

I had to read that comment coming straight from this thread... Go Purple Pounders indeed!
posted by arto at 1:01 PM on October 6, 2009


Aw, darn, I did 'it's/its' again? Jeeze. Shame on me.

I have a blog though. It's not very good, but I write about dominatrices a lot, if that helps.
posted by Phalene at 1:03 PM on October 6, 2009 [1 favorite]


Ok, say you misread POM Queen as PRon Queen, see the NSFW tag, and click the link directly preceding said tag, you will go to Wiki, experience a strange sense of letdown and project a puzzled look on your face. Yes you will have to explain it to your mate as she happens by at that exact time.
I'm just sayin, the tag could have been placed elsewhere, that's all.
posted by 5X88 at 1:04 PM on October 6, 2009


Well, domintrixes are indicative of a juvenile sexual ideal, and are born of intellectual bastardization of something that should be simple and pleasurable.
posted by Burhanistan at 1:06 PM on October 6, 2009


You just feel like fighting today, Burhanistan?
posted by jessamyn at 1:09 PM on October 6, 2009


You just feel like fighting today, Burhanistan?

He probably just needs some more pomegranate juice, or a few pistachios. A bit of both, and he'll be right as rain.
posted by filthy light thief at 1:18 PM on October 6, 2009 [1 favorite]


I saw your blog posts Phalene. It's confusing that you use the word "orientation" to mean dominance (and more) but okay. Your main issue seems to be a version of the "male gaze" theory [which I think of as very legit]. That dominant woman are dominant in a way that's defined by men's desires etc. and there's a sort of gendered exoticism to the dominatrix getup in general. I'd say you're overstating extent to which the mainstream/artsy/sex-club image of the dominatrix plays into actual relationships though. There's a heavy intellectual component seeking symmetry in all layers of sexuality and sexual expression between men and women which you're running up against by saying "but men aren't into X they way they're into X in us" but you're sampling a very limited subset of what men are like.
posted by Non Prosequitur at 1:19 PM on October 6, 2009


my sexual orientation has a prostitute as it's mascot...

What? Sexual orientations have mascots now?

Mine would probably be a badger.
posted by rokusan at 1:35 PM on October 6, 2009 [5 favorites]


Thank you Mistress. Please could I have another .... pistachio?
posted by Artful Codger at 1:57 PM on October 6, 2009


I just checked the bag of pistachios I have in my kitchen and sure enough, it's the same brand.

I will say they are of very high quality. And before I get a lecture on how I should buy in bulk from self-sustaining organic 3rd-world pistachio cooperatives, let me just say that I haven't owned a car in 10 years and don't have the luxury of driving around to eat politically correct food all the time.
posted by jeff-o-matic at 2:04 PM on October 6, 2009 [1 favorite]


Newt Gingrich presenting an entrepreneur of the year award in 3...2...
posted by Kid Charlemagne at 5:27 PM on October 6, 2009 [1 favorite]


I am intrigued by Isabella Sinclaire and would like to subscribe to her newsletter. Oh, and I like pistachios.
posted by MikeMc at 6:38 PM on October 6, 2009


If it makes you happy, you can imagine that it's spelled "Dominatrix's".

I can't do it. Even the nearly-as-awful "Dominatrix's" would have a clear doubled-s sound at the end. I'm generally able to overlook bad grammar in ads ("ONE LESS" for the cervical cancer vaccine anyone?) by accepting the "don't sound prissy" rule, but this is just plain all-out wrong. There's a point where you stop getting real, yo, and start sounding like a moron, and this ad marks the wrong side of that point.
posted by rusty at 8:24 AM on October 7, 2009


I just realized that Levi is an anagram for Evil. Just something to think about...
posted by diogenes at 11:15 AM on October 7, 2009


I'd eat Levi Johnston's nuts, and enjoy them, I'm sure. He isn't his former almost MIL. Bit rednecked? It goes with the territory. I've lived in wild places, too.
posted by Goofyy at 12:18 AM on October 8, 2009


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