Marge and Hef

October 10, 2009 7:34 PM

Marge: the centerfold 'nuf said
posted by HuronBob (78 comments total)

ok...maybe just the cover...but...still...
posted by HuronBob at 7:34 PM on October 10, 2009

She looks tweaked out in that picture.
posted by a robot made out of meat at 7:37 PM on October 10, 2009

I can't stand how airbrushed she is.
posted by metacollin at 7:39 PM on October 10, 2009 [26 favorites]

It's worth pointing out that Marge's cover is in homage to a 1971 cover featuring the first black Playboy cover model, Darine Stern.
posted by barnacles at 7:41 PM on October 10, 2009 [9 favorites]

I can't stand how airbrushed she isn't. Those folks who photoshop away blemishes for Hef have families to feed, too!
posted by axiom at 7:42 PM on October 10, 2009

Give the rest of the story. The pose is a specific homage to Darine Stern, the first African American woman on the cover.
posted by gingerbeer at 7:44 PM on October 10, 2009

Well, I saw Marge in a flash ad doing something more hardcore than this.

Besides, get real. Marge is like 20 years too old.
posted by cjorgensen at 7:44 PM on October 10, 2009 [2 favorites]

barnacles...thanks... I had forgotten about that...
(not that I would have noticed, I only bought them to read the articles)
posted by HuronBob at 7:45 PM on October 10, 2009

There is something just, wrong, about this.
posted by empath at 7:45 PM on October 10, 2009 [2 favorites]

"We knew that this would really appeal to the 20-something crowd," said Playboy spokeswoman Theresa Hennessey.

Do 20-somethings even watch The Simpsons?
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 7:48 PM on October 10, 2009 [4 favorites]

Playboy is famously out of touch.
posted by josher71 at 7:49 PM on October 10, 2009

Whoa. I guess Playboy and the Simpsons are both very, very desperate.
posted by ignignokt at 7:50 PM on October 10, 2009 [10 favorites]

"We knew that this would really appeal to the 20-something crowd," said Playboy spokeswoman Theresa Hennessey.

I think they are 10 years too late to capture the 20-something crowd with the Simpsons.

I don't know what 20-somethings watch nowadays, but I'm pretty sure it isn't The Simpsons. Family Guy? Viva La Bam? ANTM Cycle 18?

On preview, damn you Marisa Stole the Precious Thing! Damn you to hell!
posted by jeoc at 7:53 PM on October 10, 2009

I hear they're going to get Roxette to pose on the next cover. You know, for the college kids.
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 7:56 PM on October 10, 2009 [5 favorites]

Great Marge of the barge. The garbage barge that is, floating down a river of irrelevance on it's way to the landfill of forgotten media. Marge pilots the barge, as if she is Charon on the river Styx. In it's wake, a speedboat named mySpace. A bearded man in flannel and a trucker had paddles a beaten-up canoe upstream, filled with vinyl and a few Laser-Disks on his way to a party, where he hopes to catch the eye of a cute young photographer from Vice magazine.
posted by hellojed at 7:57 PM on October 10, 2009 [6 favorites]

I don't know what 20-somethings watch nowadays, but I'm pretty sure it isn't The Simpsons. Family Guy? Viva La Bam? ANTM Cycle 18?

I'm pretty sure that whatever 20-somethings are watching, most of them don't jerk off to cartoon housewives.

Well, except for the anime ones.
posted by empath at 7:57 PM on October 10, 2009

I can't wait for Aqua Teen Hunger Force to do the staple spread.
posted by Balisong at 7:59 PM on October 10, 2009 [2 favorites]

20 somethings love The Simpsons, along with Crystal Pepsi, rap and Seinfeld. Just log on to any BBS in cyberspace, and you'll see that's what they're talking about.
posted by mccarty.tim at 8:00 PM on October 10, 2009 [9 favorites]

I still prefer Maxine Legroom (NSFW).
posted by Confess, Fletch at 8:02 PM on October 10, 2009 [2 favorites]

It's the exact same pose, except that Darine Stern looked happy and like she was having fun. Marge isn't even a real person and she looks like she wishes she didn't have to sink to Playboy.
posted by paisley henosis at 8:06 PM on October 10, 2009

Marge works blue.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 8:08 PM on October 10, 2009 [2 favorites]

My twenty year old son would probably appreciate it if it were Turanga Leela or Amy Wong but he's never paid much attention to The Simpsons. But in any case, the chances of him buying a Playboy are pretty much nill.
posted by octothorpe at 8:10 PM on October 10, 2009

I wonder if the carpet matches the drapes?
posted by vronsky at 8:10 PM on October 10, 2009 [7 favorites]

There's an [unintentionally?] hilarious quote in the Reuters version of the story:

"Playboy magazine's circulation has slipped in recent years in the face of competition from the Internet, which offers free and plentiful pictures of naked women online."

I did not know that. Thank you, Reuters!
posted by mr_crash_davis mark II: Jazz Odyssey at 8:11 PM on October 10, 2009 [29 favorites]

I'd be pissed if I were Darine Stern.
posted by desjardins at 8:20 PM on October 10, 2009

Er, I guess Ms. Stern isn't around anymore. But still, to pay homage to someone with a cartoon character? Ick.
posted by desjardins at 8:22 PM on October 10, 2009

I wonder if the carpet matches the drapes?
posted by vronsky at 10:10 PM on October 10 [+] [!]

"In both colour and length!"
posted by Hardcore Poser at 8:25 PM on October 10, 2009 [4 favorites]

I'd ... wait, what?
posted by John Kenneth Fisher at 8:27 PM on October 10, 2009

I thought Jessica Rabbit was on the cover before. Looking at a picture of it, I think that cover may have begun with a real person at one point. So I guess that's technically not a cartoon character.
posted by marxchivist at 8:28 PM on October 10, 2009 [1 favorite]

NSFW!
MargeSimpsonXXX
DO NOT CLICK THE LINK ABOVE.
posted by ColdChef at 8:34 PM on October 10, 2009

Two statements:

1. I always thought Marge was teh hawt.

2. They keep calling the Simpsons "America's most dysfunctional family." Nothing could be further from the truth. Yes, the members individually are eccentric, even dysfunctional, but in episode after episode, the family rallies around each other, helping to solve each others' problems, and no matter how badly one of them messes up, they always stand by each other.
posted by Doohickie at 8:36 PM on October 10, 2009 [7 favorites]

I'm trying to think of a computer-literate heterosexual male under the age of 50 who reads the dead-tree edition of Playboy.

Comin' up blank here.
posted by Avenger at 8:39 PM on October 10, 2009

I hear they're going to get Roxette to pose on the next cover. You know, for the college kids.

Roxette is the name of *the band*......(this is a personal pet peeve of mine BTW)

Presumably you refer to Marie Fredriksson
posted by MrLint at 8:40 PM on October 10, 2009 [1 favorite]

I wonder if the carpet matches the drapes?
posted by vronsky

Yes (NSFW)
posted by Doohickie at 8:43 PM on October 10, 2009

Firefox claims that Doohickie's link is an attack site.
posted by Malor at 8:48 PM on October 10, 2009

Do 20-somethings even watch The Simpsons?

More to the point: Do 20-somethings buy Playboy?
posted by AsYouKnow Bob at 8:52 PM on October 10, 2009

For this issue the rabbit should only have one ear.
posted by bondcliff at 8:54 PM on October 10, 2009 [26 favorites]

I would like to second the suggestion that you do not click on the "MargeSimpsonXXX" link from ColdChef, above.
posted by ericost at 8:54 PM on October 10, 2009 [1 favorite]

I would like to second the suggestion that you do not click on the "MargeSimpsonXXX" link from ColdChef, above.

Thirded.
posted by crossoverman at 9:05 PM on October 10, 2009

This PR move embiggens even the most cromulent of animation shows!

Seasons 3-9 are perfect. PERFECT. Right up there with all that art in the Louvre.
posted by PostIronyIsNotaMyth at 9:15 PM on October 10, 2009 [1 favorite]

Roxette is the name of *the band*......(this is a personal pet peeve of mine BTW)

I have to double check, but I don't think that you're allowed to have a pet peeve that involves Roxette. I think that Marisa just joined the joyride.

Relax, you fool, I love you.
posted by ActingTheGoat at 9:18 PM on October 10, 2009 [2 favorites]

Thanks to The Internet I've already seen Marge Simpson in the nude, and I'd rather not have to ever see it again in my lifetime, thank you very much.

(Totally not clicking on ColdChef's link)
posted by The Lurkers Support Me in Email at 9:45 PM on October 10, 2009

@ WCityMike: What, you've never seen a naked chick riding a clam before?
posted by johnjreiser at 9:50 PM on October 10, 2009 [6 favorites]

OK, I clicked on ColdChef's link. It's just a bunch of harmless kitten pictures. Very funny ColdChef!
posted by brain_drain at 10:13 PM on October 10, 2009 [1 favorite]

Ummm, why does ColdChef even know about the link?
posted by captainsohler at 10:16 PM on October 10, 2009

I have to give ColdChef's link credit for staying faithful, stylistically, to Groening's creations.
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 10:23 PM on October 10, 2009

Ironic -- she's taking the pose of the first black playboy model...

...but they've edited out the yellow.
posted by effugas at 11:24 PM on October 10, 2009

Coincidence?
"Scott Flanders Named Playboy CEO"
posted by planetkyoto at 1:14 AM on October 11, 2009 [1 favorite]

Damnit, brain_drain!
posted by Mister Cheese at 1:15 AM on October 11, 2009

Plus Stephen King and Farrah Fawcett... yup it's really hip nowadays
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 2:22 AM on October 11, 2009

I'm 21 and I love the simpsons. Growing up I recorded every episode from seasons 2-8 on VHS so I could watch it more than 2 times a night. Plenty of my similarly aged friends love the show too. We even, sadly, break out in songs sometimes.

That said, the cover is weird and I would never buy a playboy since anything worthwhile would be on the internet before the issue hit stands.
posted by laptolain at 3:50 AM on October 11, 2009

Everything I knew told me not to click ColdChef's link.

I clicked the link.

:(
posted by cavalier at 4:12 AM on October 11, 2009

Also, poor Playboy, they have certainly taken some odd directions lately.

First the 'tubes come along and siphon off a huge amount of their nekkid pix lure. Then Maxim, FHM, etc decide that you can just put a strip of bikini over a girl and then get right to the front of the magazine rack with the same nekkid (now "nhearly nekkid") pix but nary a plastic cover or a 18+ only rule to stop the kids from buying it. Print magazines have been suffering in general from the 'tubes for a long while, but even then, losing 30-35% of your ad revenue in one year? Eeek.

Cheeky skin magazines taking you to the cleaners? hire away one of their editors to become your new editor. Strip away the stodgy pages and make everything sizzle with bold garish fonts and colors -- hey, you almost look like one of the youngster mags! Then try to save money by skipping a monthly issue. Still not working? Perhaps a "strategic repositioning" of the magazine is in order.

It's a shame -- maybe my glasses are bunny colored, but I remember what "my first playboy" looked like, and last month I picked up the "gnu playboy" for nostalgia and... gawwahhhhh... what have they done?

Good things they've got all the TV and international branding to keep money coming in. I'll save my rant about a 84+ year old man wearing a captain's hat eating soup surrounded by breast implants for another comment...
posted by cavalier at 4:36 AM on October 11, 2009 [1 favorite]

What's the deal with the magenta glans? I mean, I understand the Simpsons have odd skin tones, but straight up #FF00FF looks weird[er]. It's like someone shot porn with Fuji Velvia.
posted by ryanrs at 5:02 AM on October 11, 2009 [1 favorite]

Did I say that out loud? I meant, "don't click that link."
posted by ryanrs at 5:08 AM on October 11, 2009 [1 favorite]

I have to give ColdChef's link credit for staying faithful, stylistically, to Groening's creations

Aside from the fact that Marge's chest varies from 36C to 40E; in fact in one frame a single breast is larger than Milhouse's whole head. I do like Krusty the Clown's frank and beans, though-- he has the kind of tackle you would expect from a clown.
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 6:07 AM on October 11, 2009

Aside from the fact that Marge's chest varies from 36C to 40E; in fact in one frame a single breast is larger than Milhouse's whole head.

Ah, that's because in drawn porn, borrowed characters will usually have their bust sizes increased twofold or more.
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 6:14 AM on October 11, 2009

To be fair, most of the pictures of Marge features at ColdChef's link are more of a Penthouse or even Club variety. This is Marge's chance to work her way back to legit.

First she poses in Playboy, then maybe she can find a lesser role in a Hollywood movie of some kind, and before you know it, she'll be on a family sitcom!
posted by graventy at 6:46 AM on October 11, 2009 [1 favorite]

On Playboy's misfortunes -- they began long before the Tubes.

I remember the Playboy of the 1970's. Each issue was over 300 pages. Robert Anton Wilson edited the letters section. There really were articles, of high quality and sometimes great length. Playboy had their own jumbo jet, the Big Bunny.

The big decline started in the 1980's, not because of the Tubes but because of print competition. For a long time as porn went they were the only game in town, but then there were Hustler and Penthouse pushing the explicitness envelope and gradually a little swarm of other magazines peeling off the markets for specific paraphilias. By 1990 Playboy was a pale shadow of its 1975 self. I remember an article about some event Hugh Hefner sponsored after the departure of the Big Bunny, and they had to charter a jet; he actually told his guests he felt he ought to apologize. Oh the humanity.

The jumbo jet went, the deep journalism went, the hard-hitting interviews with people like Jimmy Carter went, the articles on fine living and style were pared back. The joke about reading the articles had always been that Playboy really did have great text articles. By the end of the 80's the joke was that they still bothered to have articles. Those articles were expensive, and the competition wasn't bothering with them.

THEN the Tubes came.
posted by localroger at 7:32 AM on October 11, 2009 [2 favorites]

I'm trying to think of a computer-literate heterosexual male under the age of 50 who reads the dead-tree edition of Playboy.

I wouldn't call it reading.

When I worked for Borders I would often buy the German edition. They had a bag checking policy on employees. So I'd make sure anyone checking my bag had to see it. I'd get pissed when someone commented. I didn't ask for approval of my purchases, and the same groan or comment to a "real" customer would have not been allowed.

I was always kind of surprised this didn't put them at odds with some kind of sexual harassment policy, but again, wasn't my problem. I purchased a product they sold and never asked anyone to look in my bag.

"I didn't know you knew German," was a common comment. To which I always answered, "Who reads the articles?"
posted by cjorgensen at 8:15 AM on October 11, 2009

Another Playboy story...I worked for the same English department as Jane Smiley when she published a story in Playboy. Boy were the liberal academic feminists pissed that a Pulitzer prize winner would demean herself and them by daring to do such a thing.

The biggest balls have to go to Dan Simmons though who managed to get in a story with a main character that was gay and dying of AIDS into Playboy. Go Dan!
posted by cjorgensen at 8:22 AM on October 11, 2009

Amy Wong

And in one line octothorpe comes up with a better idea to make 20-year olds go "huh" and promote the new Futurama series than what was probably 18 meetings of the marketing dept.
posted by The Whelk at 9:15 AM on October 11, 2009

Yes, the members individually are eccentric, even dysfunctional, but in episode after episode, the family rallies around each other, helping to solve each others' problems, and no matter how badly one of them messes up, they always stand by each other.


Three kids, church-going, straight-married-blue-collar family with a nice house and stay at home mom? They're practically the Waltons.

Seasons 3-9

I'd say more like 3-8, but yeah you can use a good dozen of those episodes to teach an entire course on comedy, timing, and concise storytelling.

Marge was always one of my favorite characters. She's smart, down to earth, interested in personal development and the world around her, and has a healthy streak of individuality in her with the whole sleeping in the nude, speaking French thing.
posted by The Whelk at 9:21 AM on October 11, 2009

(I actually thought the scene in the Movie when Marge essentially breaks-up with Home on tape was like the older, more emotional and sentimental series breaking up with the current incarnation of Abstract Zaniness)
posted by The Whelk at 9:22 AM on October 11, 2009

Has anyone actually seen the woman in Playboy lately? They look less human than Marge does. They're so surgically enhanced, bleached, waxed and and then photoschopped that they've crossed far over the uncanny valley.
posted by octothorpe at 10:24 AM on October 11, 2009 [1 favorite]

The first sentence of the first article I saw on this said "Marge Simpson has done something that Homer might approve of but will make Bart the proudest kid in his school: She's posed for Playboy magazine."

That still blows my mind. Really? Bart Simpson, a 10 year old boy, is going to go to school and be all "Yep, I'm so proud my mom's in playboy!" and he definitely won't be embarrassed and no one will make fun of him and his family. That would never happen, nosiree. Nelson won't think it's funny at all!
posted by Green With You at 10:25 AM on October 11, 2009

I remember a bit from the Simpsons where Marge discovers Homer's collection of "playdude" magazines. Homer uses the clichéd defense of "I only read it for the articles."

Marge calls him on this nonsense by cutting out all of the photographs of nude women in the magazine, leaving the magazines riddled with woman-silhouette shaped holes in most of the pages.

Exasperated, Homer throws away the magazines, because now of course he has no interest.

Bart discovers this treasure trove in the garbage and thinks he's discovered a gold mine - but as he's a 10 year old boy and naive - he doesn't understand that the magazine is supposed to feature nude photographs of women. It's just something kids aren't supposed to have.

So he reads the articles.

By the end of the episode he's hosting parties in his tree house and quoting Norman Mailer.

Darn funny if you ask me.

This cover photo? Creepy. It was also creepy when they put Marge in Maxim on her hands and knees scrubbing the floor in a seductive (¡¿?!) fashion.
posted by device55 at 11:17 AM on October 11, 2009 [2 favorites]

I take it Marge is gambling again?
posted by stinkycheese at 11:32 AM on October 11, 2009 [2 favorites]

I take it Marge is gambling again?

Quite possibly the best short joke the show ever did was, two seasons after $pringfeild and Marge in the sinister neon clutches of Gamblor, Homer is doing his taxes. He quickly says

"Marge what where your gambling losses last year?' and without missing a bit she shouts back "SEVEN HUNDRED DOLLARS!"

That's how you reward a loyal fanbase.
posted by The Whelk at 12:12 PM on October 11, 2009 [2 favorites]

Whoever thought that after 20-something years of teenagers drawing marge in compromising positions, they would actually release some fully canonical naked marge. Now taking bets on nipple colour; favourite is yellow paying 1.5:1
posted by tehloki at 3:53 AM on October 12, 2009

Whoa. Talk about jumping the shark for Playboy. This is actually a quantum shark jump; all sharks that ever were and will ever be have been jumped.
posted by clvrmnky at 7:35 AM on October 12, 2009 [1 favorite]

Ah, Playboy.

When I was a little boy, my dad used to spend time at a friend's bump shop. He had a restoring project going on (beautiful 1959 Chevy Impala ragtop, black out, red interior). I used to go along often, and just hang out.

Thing is, the bathroom in that place was completely papered with Playboy centerfolds. I used to spend considerable time studying the images. Now, don't get ideas, I was too young to 'study' them, so I actually studied them. Funny memory. I suspect my favorite was the one that looked like she'd give the best hugs. LOL! Of course, I discovered I was gay a few years later.
posted by Goofyy at 7:59 AM on October 12, 2009 [12 favorites]

I'm trying to think of a computer-literate heterosexual male under the age of 50 who reads the dead-tree edition of Playboy.

I've never even seen the Playboy site (tho I assume it's pay-only). I would read a dead-tree edition in the barbershop if it were there ... I am 37, fwiw.

To be honest, I've always enjoyed the articles in Playboy (the photo spreads have always seemed somewhat pointless, if you have access to real pornography), though I haven't read any issues since about 1996. I used to write magazine article abstracts and would take Playboy regularly.

They used to have great fiction--James Baldwin, John Cheever, Kurt Vonnegut, Philip Roth, Mailer, etc. In fact, I think Denis Johnson's latest was published serially in Playboy just last year ... yep.
posted by mrgrimm at 2:17 PM on October 12, 2009

I was going to make an FPP about this, but it's sort of kind of related to this, so, you know, fuck it:

John Ortved wrote a 2007 Vanity Fair article detailing the behind-the-scenes workings of The Simpsons, which he later expanded into a whole book. Then he wrote an article about how that went.

"Something I gleaned early from this experience is that Hollywood publicists are so used to journalists kowtowing to their every request that they no longer understand what journalism actually is. We’re talking about cartoon characters here, not Watergate, but the light subject matter doesn’t exclude the possibility of doing real research and telling interesting stories. They actually thought that we were all on the same team, trying to get their client the maximum exposure, using our words and outlets only to extend their message."
posted by Sys Rq at 4:08 PM on October 14, 2009

Here they are.
posted by vronsky at 8:12 PM on October 17, 2009

Yikes.

Could somebody please take Fonzie's water skis away from these people already?
posted by Sys Rq at 8:18 PM on October 17, 2009

Oh dear. I wasn't expecting actual nipples.
posted by shammack at 12:41 PM on October 18, 2009 [1 favorite]

Also, who wrote that interview? It's terrible! Marge says that she just found a few grey hairs, but as we all know, she's been grey as a mule since she was seventeen. I certainly hope somebody got fired for that blunder.
posted by shammack at 12:55 PM on October 18, 2009 [2 favorites]