Land of the Freep

October 10, 2009 11:23 PM

American things that Barack Obama has made unAmerican
posted by Artw (76 comments total)

and he hates our freedom.
posted by philip-random at 11:26 PM on October 10

Reading the FPP, I was prepared to hate this for being yet another republican talking point smörgåsbord.

Reading the link, I was prepared to feel guilty about this for being yet another shallow partisan mockery of a selected extreme faction of conservative ideology.

But then I remembered that the movers and shakers in the republican party have been oh so eager to hand its extremist representatives the mic, and have made virtually no good faith effort towards rational national discourse.

Liberal guilt assuaged. This was funny. Thanks, Artw.
posted by Riki tiki at 11:37 PM on October 10

They forgot being the president.
posted by The Devil Tesla at 11:49 PM on October 10 [14 favorites]

Obama ruined beer? ah shit.

Now what do we drink?
posted by vrakatar at 11:52 PM on October 10

Hate.
posted by Artw at 11:54 PM on October 10 [12 favorites]

Like everything in the Gawker universe this is a half-assed post riffing on something that should be left to someone who can like, actually write comedy, perhaps? But the poster gets paid anyway, so what does it matter?

I am thankful I saw that link to O'Reilly and Beck discussing flu shots, though. Thanks!
posted by palidor at 12:08 AM on October 11 [4 favorites]

Like everything in the Gawker universe this is a half-assed post riffing on something that should be left to someone who can like, actually write comedy, perhaps?

I laughed until I stopped, and yet your comment only makes me frown.

Other than a generalized dismissal of this post (based on some unstated principal, apparently), do you have a point that might be communicated?
posted by philip-random at 12:50 AM on October 11 [6 favorites]

He never quit, and so is a liar, and probably smokes Gauloises.

Plus the Obamas hand out Gitanes to trick-or-treaters on Halloween, SO THERE'S THAT
posted by scody at 1:05 AM on October 11

something that should be left to someone who can like, actually write comedy

Clearly, making several general observations linked together with archive photos is something that should only be left to the professionals. If I laughed, it was probably by accident.
posted by setanor at 1:44 AM on October 11 [9 favorites]

That was good. Although instead of John McCain, everyone knows John "I was nominated three years ago and I'm still waiting for the call" Bolton is the person who really deserved the Nobel Peace Prize.
posted by TedW at 1:44 AM on October 11 [1 favorite]

Obama didn't ruin beer for America. America ruined beer for itself.

OH SNAP!
posted by turgid dahlia at 2:32 AM on October 11 [12 favorites]

One-link gawker post = balls. That does raise the point (which is meatier than this fpp): has Obama made balls unamerican?
posted by thedaniel at 2:49 AM on October 11

In Australia we suffer from a subset of "cultural cringe" which is called "ball cringe". Some guy was telling me about tennis balls the other day and I just dismissed him outright and told him "That must be painful, I had tennis elbow once."
posted by turgid dahlia at 2:58 AM on October 11 [8 favorites]

Like everything in the Gawker

To be fair, if I hadn't clicked the link to the Gawker, I would have missed this:

"I would tell them to go to hell. That's a question I will not tolerate. ...If they can't handle it, go home. Or wet your pants. Do whatever you like."

Maurice Sendak. When asked whether Spike Jonze's movie based on his book Where the Wild Things Are is too scary for kids
posted by ActingTheGoat at 3:14 AM on October 11 [12 favorites]

"If they can't handle it, go home."

Yeah, the little punks. If they can't handle an adult scaring them shitless, what's wrong with them? How dare they be innocent!
posted by Faze at 3:37 AM on October 11 [1 favorite]

A black president AND sarcasm, you guys have come a long way in a short time huh.
posted by Samuel Farrow at 3:37 AM on October 11 [5 favorites]

When will you people go back to hating the establishment? There's good reason, you know.
posted by Faze at 3:50 AM on October 11

A black president AND sarcasm, you guys people have come a long way in a short time huh.

ftfy
posted by turgid dahlia at 3:58 AM on October 11

Obama ruined beer? ah shit.

Now what do we drink?

Well, you can't drink wine because of course the French ruined that and you can't drink Vodka as the commie Russians ruined that. There is still Scotch as the Scots are the forefathers of many real Americans, and of course there is Bourbon.
posted by caddis at 4:07 AM on October 11 [1 favorite]

Bastard made our weapon systems un-American too. Calls then nuclear.
posted by netbros at 4:21 AM on October 11 [1 favorite]

But one question still remains to be answered: Why do conservatives hate America so much?
posted by sour cream at 4:32 AM on October 11 [2 favorites]

caddis: I'm afraid Scotch is out, remember they released al Megrahi!
posted by knapah at 4:33 AM on October 11 [1 favorite]

"Obama ruined beer? ah shit.

Now what do we drink?"
posted by vrakatar at 2:52 AM on October 11

Ethanol. Or, corn whiskey, as it's really known. White lightin', dontcha know? The original mountain dew.

It'll run our gummint-built Chevy's, and it will still run America!
posted by paulsc at 4:53 AM on October 11 [2 favorites]

Now what do we drink?

Jack Daniels.

These days, Jack Daniel's is as recognizable a symbol of American rock 'n' roll rebelliousness as Harley Davidson. It hasn't gone out and developed a bad-boy image, but clutching one of those square bottles with the black label brings out the rebel in even the most mild-mannered accountant, and makes him feel, if only for one drink, the equal of Keith Richards or Dennis Hopper.

And if association with fey limeys or druggie Holly-weird types bugs you, there's always moonshine.
posted by spoobnooble at 5:28 AM on October 11 [1 favorite]

Plus the Obamas hand out Gitanes to trick-or-treaters on Halloween

I'd totally do this, but only if I could still squeeze into that Molotov Cocktease costume.
posted by rokusan at 5:29 AM on October 11 [3 favorites]

(That paragraph was a quote from the linked page. Damn Courier font showed up fine in preview, dag nabbit!)
posted by spoobnooble at 5:30 AM on October 11

Sorry for the hate but maybe since I'm familiar with the issues and the poster just makes a few sarcastic comments to go with some old links I see it is a filler post by someone paid to make posts like these and it all makes me feel kind of dirty. But if other people find it funny I don't want to stomp on their feelings. Although most of the stuff listed isn't really "Americana" so much as general shit righties want to attack Obama about but if it was called some kind "general shit righties want to attack Obama about" list there wouldn't be the catchy theme to make it stand out somewhat and okay I will shut up.
posted by palidor at 5:35 AM on October 11

Great quote:

"Daddy - you won the Nobel Peace Prize and today is Bo's birthday!"

- Malia Obama

this makes me believe that the Obama children will grow up sane and healthy after all.
posted by Lipstick Thespian at 5:51 AM on October 11 [12 favorites]

The links in the context of "things now un-American because Obama does/likes them" is an approach I like. I don't know whether to laugh or weep bitterly.
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 5:58 AM on October 11

I don't know whether to laugh or weep bitterly.

I didn't find it funny, in fact I'm not sure it was meant to invoke laughter; I just sighed. I followed up the link in this:

Obama took Michelle on a date to New York City in May to see a play, prompting the RNC to ask, "If President Obama wants to go to the theater, isn't the Presidential box at the Kennedy Center good enough?" We're still waiting for an answer, Mr. President.

because I hadn't heard about this particular outrage.

In the new Republican play book, anytime the President is not sitting in the oval office working, he is costing the tax payers money!!!!! Funny how that particular viewpoint changed with Obama's election. Bush spent damn near half of his presidency flying back and forth to his "ranch" so he could go clear some brush while continuing to draw a salary and dragging any number of White House staff and Secret Service along with him, and we didn't hear jack shit about that. But Obama flies to NY to take his wife out on a date and it's Oooooooooooooooo he is spending OUR money! No shit, Sherlock. OBama is going to be spending tax payer money every day for the next 4 years-- that is all part and parcel of being POTUS. He can't hop in the family Volvo and drive off on his own anymore. Get used to it.
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 6:27 AM on October 11 [7 favorites]

Personally, I collect Glenn Beck's tears in an oak barrel, add some Coke so that the yeasts have high fructose corn syrup to eat, and let it ferment for a few months. Then, I distill it using the righteous anger of poor people who don't want the government to give them insurance.

This concept needs to become a blog of its own. Obama's constantly doing things, and people are constantly complaining. I mean, true, Wonkette and Gawker get you 80% there.
posted by mccarty.tim at 6:28 AM on October 11 [3 favorites]

In the new Republican play book, anytime the President is not sitting in the oval office working, he is costing the tax payers money!!!!! Funny how that particular viewpoint changed with Obama's election. Bush spent damn near half of his presidency flying back and forth to his "ranch" so he could go clear some brush while continuing to draw a salary and dragging any number of White House staff and Secret Service along with him, and we didn't hear jack shit about that.

That's because going to your "ranch" and clearin' brush are honest-to-God, wholesome, all American activities and no one should besmirch your brushclearin'. Going to New York to go to the theatre, on the other hand, is decadent, wasteful, and is rubbing your sophistication in America's face, and no one likes a show-off.
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 6:32 AM on October 11 [6 favorites]

How dare they be innocent!

None of them are innocent, the only question is the degree of guilt.
posted by biffa at 6:40 AM on October 11 [3 favorites]

I was trying to think of other Americana that might become tainted by the Obama touch:

Apple Pie. If Obama professed a love of apple pie, suddenly Republicans would become worried about childhood obesity, "Can you believe the gall of this man? He is trying to kill our children with sugar and fat."

Fireworks. If Obama enjoyed a fireworks display for his benefit, suddenly Republicans would find fireworks a gaudy, ostentatious display of burning money.

Parades. If Obama was to sit in the back of car and wave to the crowd while being the guest of honor in a parade, Republicans would become apoplectic, "How dare he condescend to wave to the crowds as though they were his serfs. Who does he think he is, King Obama?" On the other hand, if Obama was to review a parade as it passed by his grand stand it would be, "Who does he think he is, Mussolini?"

Kite-flying? Frisbee on the lawn with his kids? Bird watching? Elitist, liberal nonsense. And besides, "The country is falling apart! Why isn't he in the oval office doing his job?"
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 6:50 AM on October 11 [3 favorites]

Obama should take up SUVs, pickup trucks and guns. Woa if these were to become unAmerican.
posted by caddis at 7:09 AM on October 11 [2 favorites]

Good stuff. Thanks, Art.
posted by Zed at 7:11 AM on October 11

I thought it was a decent illustration of the phenomenon that once Obama does something, it's "un-American."

Other than that... ok, I smiled when they say that he throws like a European girl.
posted by grapefruitmoon at 7:31 AM on October 11

Now what do we drink?"

Grain alcohol and rainwater
posted by octothorpe at 7:35 AM on October 11 [11 favorites]

When I want to get my hate on, I drink Fanta, but I'm not sure its rumored status as the favorite drink of the Nazis has any currency anymore.
posted by Astro Zombie at 7:44 AM on October 11

Obama needs to take a vocal stand against jumping off of bridges.
posted by EarBucket at 8:14 AM on October 11 [3 favorites]

Astro Zombie - I'm sure you're aware of this, but that's not a rumour as such.
posted by Artw at 8:18 AM on October 11

Also a drink made of bitter nazi leftovers *would* seem oddly appropriate for the Fox crowd.
posted by Artw at 8:19 AM on October 11 [1 favorite]

Let's see: Organic garden: Evil. Crawford Ranch: All American.

Perhaps we just need to change the language of the Obama's front yard. Like "Independence Garden of Victory" or some nonsense like that. I guess we could even have Michelle go all WWII and say, "I'm gardening organically not only because of environmental and health reasons, but I also am saving chemicals for the war effort."
posted by mccarty.tim at 8:20 AM on October 11 [1 favorite]

I think Obama should play along with it, and use it to his advantage to inititiate policy changes. He could, for example, announce that he is a creationist, thinks the Bible should be taught in schools, that abortion should be illegal, and that homosexuality is a lifestyle. Imagine the reversal in attitudes across the right-wing media.
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 8:55 AM on October 11 [3 favorites]

Grain alcohol and rainwater

Rainwater? DFH.
posted by ryoshu at 9:15 AM on October 11

He ruined Letterman, also.
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 9:54 AM on October 11

mccarty.tim: that last suggestion doesn't work, since anything that hints that the wars we're in might affect life in America itself are anathema. Likewise, saving or conserving indicates a lack of faith that God will always provide for America.
posted by You Can't Tip a Buick at 10:09 AM on October 11

A black president AND sarcasm, you guys people have come a long way in a short time huh.

What do you mean, "you people?!"
posted by askmeaboutLOOM at 10:55 AM on October 11 [1 favorite]

I think saying "you people" instead of "you guys" was a way to make it gender-neutral.

Which, I can see, but at the same time, the patriarchy will not be destroyed by pedantry.
posted by grapefruitmoon at 11:01 AM on October 11 [1 favorite]

I had Freedom Toast this morning, and now I'm eating Freedom Fries with my burger. My son came to me just now and asked in an earnest voice, "Daddy, why does Obama hate America?" I didn't have an answer for him. I just lit my Victory Cigarette and sighed.
posted by double block and bleed at 11:02 AM on October 11

I just lit my Victory Cigarette and sighed.

You un-American BASTARD
posted by askmeaboutLOOM at 11:08 AM on October 11

Which, I can see, but at the same time, the patriarchy will not be destroyed by pedantry.

Correct! It will be destroyed by pedants!
posted by Flunkie at 11:11 AM on October 11 [5 favorites]

That was good. Although instead of John McCain, everyone knows John "I was nominated three years ago and I'm still waiting for the call" Bolton is the person who really deserved the Nobel Peace Prize.

Actually, the Nobel Peace Prize really should have gone to the Tea Partiers and the people who attended the 9/12 rallies. Just ask Glenn Beck!
posted by SisterHavana at 11:38 AM on October 11

Actually, no, it should have gone to Rush Limbaugh. He is, after all, "the foremost advocate for freedom and democracy in the world today".
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 11:54 AM on October 11 [1 favorite]

I think saying "you people" instead of "you guys" was a way to make it gender-neutral.

I prefer "y'all", myself.
posted by mikelieman at 12:17 PM on October 11 [1 favorite]

Man, you want hypocrisy...

Check out Lounging at a Basketball Game Doesn't Inspire Confidence, Mr. President, because you know, GWB never took any vacation time during the crises that he actually created or anything.
posted by rokusan at 1:30 PM on October 11

okay I will shut up.

Do, please.
posted by Jimmy Havok at 1:53 PM on October 11 [1 favorite]

Has Obama had his BLT yet? I need to go to the grocery before they ban bacon.
posted by localroger at 1:53 PM on October 11

SIGH.

Everything Obama does is automatically the worst thing ever. George Bush was on vacation for over two years of his presidency, but that's okay... until Obama takes an occasional break, and now suddenly taxpayer money is being wasted by his astonishing sloth. The basic pattern of that sentence is being repeated over and over and OVER.

If this were a joke thread we'd all be yelling about how old it's gotten and please stop now. Except it's not a joke thread, it's the entire U.S. news media. It's become so old that we have complaints that responding to the idiocy has gotten old!

FOX we can give a pass to, because really they're all either pocket Machiavellis or clueless imbeciles and what else can we expect from them? But will the other news channels please stop listing to these idiots?
posted by JHarris at 3:08 PM on October 11

Obama should take up SUVs, pickup trucks and guns.

This is a good idea. Obama should join the NRA and make a big public fuss about it, about how it strengthens the community and ACORN is onboard with it too, and then we'd get to watch all the gun nuts lose their marbles and quit the NRA and then the whole organization would collapse, leaving those idiots scratching their heads with the butts of their Smith & Wessons trying to figure out what the fuck just happened.

And then after that Obama could go and join the Republican party.
posted by Kraftmatic Adjustable Cheese at 3:44 PM on October 11 [1 favorite]

Metafilter: all either pocket Machiavellis or clueless imbeciles
posted by mccarty.tim at 4:42 PM on October 11

George Bush was on vacation for over two years of his presidency and ignored a warning that Al Qaeda was determined to strike in the United States and stayed on vacation, but that's okay.
posted by kirkaracha at 4:43 PM on October 11 [4 favorites]

Abraham Lincoln was a gun nut, and by all accounts a pretty cool guy, both as a human, a Republican, and as a president. Obama and Lincoln are often compared. In the interest of screwing with the right, I am all for Obama collecting and using guns for hunting and target practice. Then, we also have Obama talk about how great gun ownership is in his speeches, and how he's hoping all Americans will arm themselves, both for their enjoyment and for their safety. Along with that, he offers a stimulus program to help Americans buy their first gun at heavily subsidized rates.

Suddenly, with all the armed liberals walking the streets, gun rights is no longer so "cool." That said, Republicans will probably then just all get addicted to painkillers and cough syrup and talk about how the liberal pharmacists are keeping Vicodin and Nyquil behind the counter because they "hate our freedoms."
posted by mccarty.tim at 4:55 PM on October 11 [1 favorite]

Come to think of it, they forgot to mention GM. My Republican relatives HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE the General ever since the company essentially needed to be taken over before it collapsed in on itself. This is the same people that would only buy American cars, and who would blame all of GM's poor decisions on the union, even down to big cars with poor milage nobody wanted. At the apex of her "Government Motors" rage, my grandmother freaked out and started screaming at the TV when somebody won a Pontiac on The Price is Right. She's not senile or anything. She was just extremely mad.

Chrysler is also a bit hated, because they received bailouts. There's also a conspiracy theory that they closed down dealerships primarily owned by republicans, meaning that OBVIOUSLY the Obama administration must have made the list of dealerships to shut down. Snopes and Nate Silver of FiveThirtyEight debunked it, but I think they're part of the liberal media because they don't have a timeslot on Fox.

As for Ford, I'm sure they'll find some reason to hate it. After all, on the campaign trail, Obama's car of choice was a Ford Explorer Hybrid. However, I don't think that counts, as it's a double negative. Hybrids are unAmerican, Obama is unAmerican, so Obama in a Ford Explorer Hybrid is ununAmerican, which any algebra student will tell you is American.
posted by mccarty.tim at 5:21 PM on October 11 [1 favorite]

oh, and I forgot NASCAR. Obama should take that up too and ruin that as well for all the Foxtards. I was going to suggest that he wrap himself in the Confederate Flag as well, but then he would cease to be himself and just become the joke, Michael Steele. That guy doesn't realize that even conservatives are laughing at him, not with him.
posted by caddis at 5:24 PM on October 11

They forgot to add chili. It's like totally unAmerican now
posted by Neekee at 6:21 PM on October 11

i thought black people doing a thing made the thing cooler. this is a troubling contradiction to the standard coolification theorem.
posted by TwelveTwo at 8:54 PM on October 11 [1 favorite]

Clearing brush now UNAMERICAN.
posted by greta simone at 10:19 PM on October 11

Obama ruined beer? ah shit.
Now what do we drink?

Don't worry, it's only Budweiser, Coors, Miller and the like that has been ruined. Beer is still safe.
posted by bap98189 at 3:36 AM on October 12 [2 favorites]

When I want to get my hate on, I drink Fanta, but I'm not sure its rumored status as the favorite drink of the Nazis has any currency anymore.

Ironically, when Fanta was re-marketed to African-Americans and Hispanics and, as a result, its sales surged by nearly a third, it fell out of favor with todays' Nazis.
posted by y2karl at 6:23 AM on October 12

I think what we can all agree on is that Fanta tastes vile.
posted by Artw at 10:55 AM on October 12

Poor man, stymied by the systems, and mocked bizarrely by his enemies, he'll be lucky if NASCAR is deemed unamerican.

However, essentially hilarious. Could we include trailer parks too?
posted by LD Feral at 11:11 AM on October 12

or -Insert a state/township currently in your disfavour-?
posted by LD Feral at 11:12 AM on October 12

“Suddenly, with all the armed liberals walking the streets, gun rights is no longer so "cool."”
Every sub-group has its hangers on and poseurs. Most actual gun folks just like the shooting and the side fixin’s don’t matter. Back when Bush was president I was next to a guy at the range firing at a picture of Bush and I walked over and said “whoa…. what kind of load are you using?” (it was a .454 Casull loaded with Buffalo Bore 360 grain).

But you do get guys who just want to jerk off and talk about non-shooting topics. The stat geeks are ok (‘x’ amount of pressure at ‘y’ velocity, ‘stopping power’ blah blah) even though they want to talk more than shoot.

Made the mistake of talking politics a bit and had a guy go off on me about how liberals (criticize one aspect of a given war, you’re a liberal to some folks). Guy went on about how liberals want to take our guns away (we were at a range. My firearm in a box in my hand). Sidestepped that into how people like me hate the military and would know nothing about Iraq (Uh, been there. Bought the t-shirt, ate the burger, got the fruit salad), and finally went off on some tirade about how I was (and liberals were) ‘weak’. Dunno, guy still had potato chip crumbs on his shirt. My bicep was larger than his thigh, I just kind of smirked. “Got anything else?”
The disparity between what some folks perceive as their identity and their actual identity is often remarkable. On the other hand I’ve seen self-styled ‘pacifists’ talking about ripping people’s heads off and such.

But it’s exactly the case that there is often a massive disconnect between what someone believes they’re part of and the ideal of it and the reality.
Sort of like the blond muscular Aryan thing with ½ the Nazi high command being squinty little toady fucks.

And it’s bizarre how even the reality of it gets in the way of that dreamy ideal. I mean I’m conservative. But by no stretch of the imagination could I be considered remotely near what’s commonly termed as ‘conservative.’ Apart from a very few exceptions (e.g. gun rights) I’m on the far left.

In reality I’m a fit, meat eating, hunting, gun owning, self-reliant, but community service oriented, military veteran, family man.

It’s unbelievable you’ve got a fat, deaf, multiple divorcee, draft dodging pill pusher that’s the spokesman for ‘conservatives’ in the U.S.
But that’s what people want to think of as “American.” Why the hell would anyone want to be on that side? The weepy guy picked last for dodgeball? F'ing A that's what we're all about, screw the harvard grad.
posted by Smedleyman at 12:38 PM on October 12 [1 favorite]

metafilter: squinty little toady fucks. got anything else?
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 1:03 PM on October 12

War breaks out between Fox News and the Obama administration
posted by Artw at 11:37 AM on October 13