UP

October 15, 2009 11:53 AM

"Authorities were scouring the skies Thursday for a 6-year-old boy who unhooked his family's experimental balloon-powered aircraft and floated away from home, sheriff's officials said."
posted by empath (1463 comments total)

I would suggest that if you have a device capable of lifting itself 10,000 feet in the air, and the only thing preventing it from doing so is a rope that a 6-year-old can unhook, you have not thought this through enough.
posted by Astro Zombie at 11:55 AM on October 15, 2009 [79 favorites]

Fingers crossed for a happy ending.
posted by kcds at 11:56 AM on October 15, 2009 [6 favorites]

Somebody at Pixar is frantically calling their attorneys right about now.
posted by Horace Rumpole at 11:57 AM on October 15, 2009 [10 favorites]

Btw, there is live video of it on the MSNBC website.

It looks like a stovetop popcorn popper.
posted by empath at 11:58 AM on October 15, 2009 [2 favorites]

I'll show this to my wife tonight... so much for complaining when our son rampages through the bottom shelves of the fridge...
posted by Nanukthedog at 12:00 PM on October 15, 2009

Flight of the Navigator!!!
posted by Sprocket at 12:00 PM on October 15, 2009 [6 favorites]

If that balloon were a little less ugly I'd call it an attractive nuisance.
posted by exogenous at 12:00 PM on October 15, 2009 [4 favorites]

Jesus. Is this happening now, the kid is floating in the air somewhere? The problem with helium balloons is that they can rise high enough in the atmosphere that the temperature drops to below freezing. And then they burst.

Helicopter, crossbow with a line attached, and a EMS crew with a giant airbag on standby. Pronto.
posted by Pastabagel at 12:00 PM on October 15, 2009

From Fort Collins to south of Milliken, hm? That'd put him floating toward Denver International Airport's airspace...
posted by not_on_display at 12:01 PM on October 15, 2009

Uh, waht's with the jokes people. This could end with a dead six year old kid.
posted by Pastabagel at 12:01 PM on October 15, 2009 [11 favorites]

Yeah, it's running with the sound off on one of the TVs here at work, and from a distance all I could see was the shape of the balloon and I was wondering if it was some kind of new NASA experiment.

I got close enough to read the banner and saw "6 year old trapped inside" and I thought

Well, someone, somewhere seriously fucked up.
posted by quin at 12:02 PM on October 15, 2009 [2 favorites]

news of the weird or not, this is actually pretty fucking serious. this kid's chances of surviving aren't very high, as I understand it.

though anyone who knows better can feel free to reassure me as to where I'm wrong.
posted by shmegegge at 12:02 PM on October 15, 2009 [1 favorite]

I wasn't joking. I was politely trying to say that I think the parents are culpable in this fuckup, and I hope it ends better than it might.
posted by Astro Zombie at 12:03 PM on October 15, 2009

if the video i'm looking at is live, i think it looks like he'll be okay.... he doesn't seem very high up and it looks like it's slowly dropping toward the ground, but of course it's not easy to judge that kind fo thing.
posted by empath at 12:04 PM on October 15, 2009

This is seriously awful. I don't know if I would have realized how awful until I had a kid, or maybe I would have thought, awful, but in a detached 'isn't that weird' kind of way.

But now I think of that kid's mother and I kind of want to hide under my desk until someone tells me the kid -- please -- is okay.
posted by A Terrible Llama at 12:04 PM on October 15, 2009

I hope this flight ends with candy. Lots and lots of candy.
posted by adipocere at 12:05 PM on October 15, 2009 [1 favorite]

this kid's chances of surviving aren't very high, as I understand it.

I saw somewhere that the balloon is "capable" of 10,000 feet. If it doesn't go much higher and comes down gently, I'd give him pretty good odds.
posted by exogenous at 12:05 PM on October 15, 2009 [1 favorite]

I think he's been up in the sky for about two hours now and MSNBC just reported that he might be up in the air for eight more. I'm not at all sure how accurate that last number is though.
posted by inconsequentialist at 12:06 PM on October 15, 2009

Yeah it's holding steady at about 7000ft, with a max of 10k, so if they can figure out how to get it down he should be okay.
posted by zeoslap at 12:06 PM on October 15, 2009

EVERYONE in my office is in the breakroom watching this on CNN.
posted by A Terrible Llama at 12:06 PM on October 15, 2009

Christ, so now instead of tasteless jokes, we're making books on him?
posted by 7segment at 12:07 PM on October 15, 2009

CNN just reported that the news helicopters have lost sight of the balloon.

It may seem like a jokey story, but it's not very funny when you're watching it (taped earlier) on tv. It looks sort of terrifying. It's estimated to be moving at 40mph, which could suck when you consider the impact, should it hit the ground. Damn.
posted by heyho at 12:07 PM on October 15, 2009

Why do I have a feeling that experimental aircraft was intended to make it's debut at next year's Burning Man? I mean, I was all ready to think "what kind of person builds an experimental aircraft out of helium and aluminum foil?" but my brain immediately answered "several people you know, every summer, and you usually end up helping them. Maybe they've posted the blue print online somewhere."
posted by ga$money at 12:08 PM on October 15, 2009 [2 favorites]

How cold is it likely to be at 7000ft?
posted by Brodiggitty at 12:09 PM on October 15, 2009

I'd give him pretty good odds.

What's the temperature up there? Isn't there a chance he could freeze to death or suffocate?

And this might be a silly question, but does he have any oxygen to breathe? He is inside the balloon, after all.
posted by hifiparasol at 12:09 PM on October 15, 2009

I heard that it's flying at 15-20 mph. It looks to me like it's traveling faster than that, at least at times.
posted by inconsequentialist at 12:09 PM on October 15, 2009

The news copters can see it just fine, I'm watching on CNN.
posted by zeoslap at 12:10 PM on October 15, 2009

It will be cold for sure, but he's in a little compartment under the actual balloon so no worries on the oxygen front.
posted by zeoslap at 12:11 PM on October 15, 2009

That's my town, full of all kinds of assorted weirdness. At least it's clear and warm today all over the Front Range - the last few days have been bitterly cold, windy, and foggy/rainy. I hope he's okay.
posted by peachfuzz at 12:11 PM on October 15, 2009

I'm hoping the kid isn't really inside it. Maybe he untethered it and hid and hid somewheres.
posted by bonobothegreat at 12:11 PM on October 15, 2009 [17 favorites]

I'm getting hungry for some Jiffy Pop. I think I'll pop some and watch this unfold LIVE!
posted by fixedgear at 12:12 PM on October 15, 2009

That thing is hauling ass! 2 choppers, a big net, good pilots?
posted by Max Power at 12:12 PM on October 15, 2009

The boy's name is Falcon? This was made for TV.
posted by Brodiggitty at 12:13 PM on October 15, 2009

Weird; CNN did say that helicopters had lost sight (double-checked via tivo). I hate all the conflicting stories in the midst of breaking news. *sigh* They're following it live now.
posted by heyho at 12:13 PM on October 15, 2009

Aviation Weather Center reports temperatures over Denver at 9000' are 6 degrees C, or 43 F.
posted by exogenous at 12:13 PM on October 15, 2009

Starting at Ft Collins, 7000 ft in altitude really isn't that much. I mean, the city itself is at 5000 ft already.

Not saying that minimizes the danger to this child at all, but it's not like he started at sea level.
posted by hippybear at 12:14 PM on October 15, 2009 [1 favorite]

This is seriously upsetting me. I suggested to my kids that we might build one of those helium balloons that college kids are building with cameras and gps that go up 100k ft. I hope they get the kid down.

How do you get the kid down? Drop a weight on it? Or a sky diver?
posted by Pastabagel at 12:14 PM on October 15, 2009

CNN (or maybe MSNBC) aviation specialist said helicopters will chop up the air too much and potentially suck the balloon around too violently or, god forbid, into their blades.

What about just sending up another balloon?

Oh, and for Christ's sake stop making jokes, people.
posted by hifiparasol at 12:15 PM on October 15, 2009

Maybe if they could somehow spray water on the top they could slowly increase the weight and bring it down slowly.
posted by vibrotronica at 12:15 PM on October 15, 2009

Can someone please post when the kid's okay or updates? I can't go watch this. It's kind of killing me to know this is even happening.
posted by A Terrible Llama at 12:16 PM on October 15, 2009 [2 favorites]

2 choppers, a big net, good pilots?

I imagine that a big problem with this is that as a chopper approaches it, the turbulence from the rotor could cause complications with the balloon, so you'd have to use a really big net.

And I suspect that finding something like that nearby will be a bit of a challenge in and of itself.
posted by quin at 12:17 PM on October 15, 2009 [1 favorite]

Keeping him in my prayers.
posted by alms at 12:17 PM on October 15, 2009

I hope the kid is ok.
posted by Pastabagel at 12:17 PM on October 15, 2009

Watching the video, it looks like it is losing helium rapidly.
posted by mikepop at 12:17 PM on October 15, 2009

CNN was saying there are unconfirmed reports that a sibling saw the kid fall out of the balloon shortly after it left the ground.
posted by stavrogin at 12:17 PM on October 15, 2009

Right, vibro -- or maybe there's some kind of quick-hardening foam a la Demolition Man. I remember hearing about something like that being developed as a nonlethal weapon.

I don't think the problem is getting him down as much as it is not letting him get killed on landing.
posted by hifiparasol at 12:18 PM on October 15, 2009

Hang in there little guy.
posted by hellojed at 12:18 PM on October 15, 2009 [3 favorites]

Watching it live on tv is harrowing - because of the perspective of the helicopters filming, it at times looks like it's going far faster than it is, and it also looks, from time to time, as if it's careening toward the ground. They're now speculating that he's not in there. Gah; hope that's the case.
posted by heyho at 12:20 PM on October 15, 2009

His name is Falcon! The balloon is really losing altitude quickly and on one side, I keep expecting it to flip over, this could get really bad as it loses altitude.
posted by geoff. at 12:20 PM on October 15, 2009

Jesus, I hope this turns out OK.
posted by rollbiz at 12:21 PM on October 15, 2009

hello real life panic attack
posted by boo_radley at 12:22 PM on October 15, 2009

Oh God this is breaking my heart...
posted by LarryC at 12:22 PM on October 15, 2009

Life Flight is on their way to the scene.
posted by inconsequentialist at 12:23 PM on October 15, 2009

CNN mentioned that it was around 7 degrees fahrenheit at the balloons assumed altitude.
posted by arcolz at 12:23 PM on October 15, 2009

It looks like it's moving so fast on CNN. :( That poor kid. I hope he survives.

"The structure at the bottom of the balloon that the boy is in is made of extremely thin plywood and won't withstand any kind of a crash at all," said Erik Nilsson, Larimer County emergency manager, according to CNN affiliate KMGH.

posted by zarq at 12:24 PM on October 15, 2009

How about experienced sky divers, as many as you can drop?
posted by Max Power at 12:24 PM on October 15, 2009

Stay positive, guys. Don't let it ruin your day unless we know for sure the kid is hurt or dead.
posted by hifiparasol at 12:25 PM on October 15, 2009

How about experienced sky divers, as many as you can drop?

I've been skydiving. I suspect they'd be likely to collapse the balloon.
posted by zarq at 12:26 PM on October 15, 2009

Radio controlled lighter than air vehicle, transported to area via helicopter, light net, long long tether.
posted by Reverend John at 12:26 PM on October 15, 2009

I wonder if they should try punching a hole in it. If it takes a while for the helium to drain out, then it might end up landing slowly.
posted by delmoi at 12:26 PM on October 15, 2009

What's wrong with making jokes? That's how people deal with the worst things in life.

Hope the kid's ok. But you've gotta admit, it is kind of a weird, almost surreal situation that lends itself to jokey comments.

This type of thing would never fly as an actual plot point in a movie. Real life, you are always surprising and often horrifying.
posted by m0nm0n at 12:27 PM on October 15, 2009 [4 favorites]

Holy shit. This makes my stomach turn. I don't have anything crazy like this at home, but I'm still going to double-check all my childproofing tonight.
posted by brain_drain at 12:27 PM on October 15, 2009

Wait, what, it's only at 1,000 feet now?
posted by setanor at 12:28 PM on October 15, 2009

I really wish they would not show this on the tube--we don't need to see a 6-year-old get killed on TV.
posted by etaoin at 12:28 PM on October 15, 2009 [6 favorites]

If he hits the ground at an angle, which seems likely, that will blunt the impact.
posted by Astro Zombie at 12:28 PM on October 15, 2009

Stupid question: The balloon looks like mylar, which means it won't pop if punctured. Can they shoot through the balloon with something like a .22, or a crossbow or a tranq dart to let it leak air slowly? so that it slowly descends?
posted by Pastabagel at 12:28 PM on October 15, 2009

I've been skydiving. I suspect they'd be likely to collapse the balloon.

I was thinking they go for the ropes.
posted by Max Power at 12:28 PM on October 15, 2009

2 choppers, a big net, good pilots?

Highly-skilled pilots have had a good track record in catching things in mid-air to prevent them from crashi - er, never mind.

...unconfirmed reports that a sibling saw the kid fall out of the balloon...

Gads, I hope not; this is the kind of oddball story that's supposed to end with a happy reunion and cute The View appearances shortly thereafter. Fingers crossed that everything turns out OK for the kid.
posted by AzraelBrown at 12:29 PM on October 15, 2009

Wow they are saying that the balloon could be complete helium so he would have no oxygen. This is scary.
posted by lilkeith07 at 12:29 PM on October 15, 2009

delmoi: looks like its already loosing helium
posted by Reverend John at 12:29 PM on October 15, 2009

"The boy is probably not enjoying the flight at this point."

O RLY?
posted by booticon at 12:29 PM on October 15, 2009 [3 favorites]

The National Guard is launching a helicopter to attempt some sort of rescue.
posted by inconsequentialist at 12:29 PM on October 15, 2009

"How about experienced sky divers, as many as you can drop?"

I'm not experienced at all, never got licensed, and only had enough money to complete two descents under my own canopy, so take what I say with a grain of salt.

I don't think there's any way. Matching altitude under canopy with a balloon would be... really difficult. And you'd have to somehow attach an enormous canopy - and where would they obtain such a canopy and with what would they fasten it? - while in the middle of some very difficult canopy control. I just don't see it happening.

The commentators on the live feed mentioned that he's possibly been asphyxiated by helium. I hope the kid somehow jumped out before it got too high.
posted by kavasa at 12:29 PM on October 15, 2009

"The structure at the bottom of the balloon that the boy is in is made of extremely thin plywood and won't withstand any kind of a crash at all," said Erik Nilsson, Larimer County emergency manager, according to CNN affiliate KMGH.

Also they are saying on CNN that he may have already fallen out. Also some concern whether the helium can leak into the compartment. Balloon traveling between 15 and 25 miles per hour.
posted by cjorgensen at 12:30 PM on October 15, 2009

Can they shoot through the balloon with something like a .22, or a crossbow or a tranq dart to let it leak air slowly? so that it slowly descends?

Who wants to be wrong? Who wants to miss?
posted by A Terrible Llama at 12:30 PM on October 15, 2009

I remember there being a NASA mission where they planned on retrieving a capsule by hooking the parachute from a moving helicopter. Link. This seems like the ideal way to do this, unfortunatly I doubt anyone in the area would have equipment.

The other idea, again with a moving helicopter, is to have a responder rappel out of the moving helicopter to grab one of the teathers. And it looks like thats what's being proposed.
posted by hellojed at 12:30 PM on October 15, 2009

we don't need to see a 6-year-old get killed on TV

They're on a delay, so if anything like that happens they won't show it.
posted by hifiparasol at 12:30 PM on October 15, 2009

I'm going to be so sad if this doesn't work out.
posted by Reverend John at 12:31 PM on October 15, 2009

Live stream on CNN
posted by clearly at 12:31 PM on October 15, 2009

CNN mentioned that it was around 7 degrees fahrenheit at the balloons assumed altitude.

I think they must be wrong. The weather link I posted before was for altitudes above sea level. Even up at 12,000' above sea level it's close to freezing, not 7 degrees F. Here's another source (sorry this probably also looks pretty cryptic, but I trust this a lot more than CNN getting numbers right in a rapidly developing story).
posted by exogenous at 12:31 PM on October 15, 2009

I wonder if they could land a skydiver or two on it, attach a grappling hook, and jump off or something. Or else scramble down there and get him and jump out. But how do you do that without losing both people? The kid may have already passed out.
posted by acoutu at 12:32 PM on October 15, 2009

it's only at 500 feet
posted by papercake at 12:32 PM on October 15, 2009

Oh, live TV. The first on-the-scene television reporting happened with a kid trapped in a well. (That did not, ahem, end well.)

For all the INTERNETS IS SERIOUS BUSINESS folks here, yes, sure, it's great that you all care. But given that your anguish has no causal relationship to any possible outcome here (unless you're in Colorado and have some sort of giant cushion you can deploy), and it's more fun to deflate, no pun intended, the tension around this, how about y'all relax about the kid who floated away? Your outraged sense of propriety is no more justifiable than clowning on this, and how about we wait on calling it a "tragedy" until, you know, there's a resolution?
posted by klangklangston at 12:32 PM on October 15, 2009 [12 favorites]

500 ft
posted by inconsequentialist at 12:32 PM on October 15, 2009

MSNBC just said it was about 60 degrees at that altitude, hypothermia would not be a concern.
posted by padraigin at 12:32 PM on October 15, 2009

They said on MSNBC that they won't show anything live as it gets closer to the ground.
posted by inconsequentialist at 12:32 PM on October 15, 2009

This story went from deeply whimsical to deeply terrifying in my mind in a matter of seconds. And now that I'm seeing the video footage, there's an awful feeling in my stomach. Currently praying to whatever entity seems appropriate.
posted by naju at 12:32 PM on October 15, 2009

would it descend this quickly without a boy in it?
posted by papercake at 12:33 PM on October 15, 2009

Just now my mom called me "Are you near a TV?"

"Do you mean the balloon kid? It's on the internet."
posted by odinsdream at 12:33 PM on October 15, 2009 [1 favorite]

Wait, what, it's only at 1,000 feet now?

The land itself its about 5,000 feet above sea level, so even though it is at "6,000 feet" it is about 1,000 feet above the ground.
posted by mikepop at 12:33 PM on October 15, 2009

The reporter in the Sky9 helicopter says that it's at 500 ft now, and circling in a small area. The news channel has also announce that they are not going to show any video of the landing until they KNOW that the child is safe.

That poor kid. I've vacillating between absolute terror for the kid and utter rage at his parents.
posted by magstheaxe at 12:33 PM on October 15, 2009

Or how about a remote controlled airplane that drags a tether up to it.
posted by delmoi at 12:33 PM on October 15, 2009

I hope that kid isn't in there. Is it a helicopter following the balloon? Gah. It's like you can follow it all across, for a good hour, but are helpless to do a damn thing. Eye on the tv, cause tragedy thrills me, whatever flavor, it happens to be.
posted by cashman at 12:34 PM on October 15, 2009

David Shuster on MSNBC also pointed out that the kid, coming from somewhat aviation-skilled family, might be a little more knowledgeable about what do do in such a situation than a regular kid.
posted by hifiparasol at 12:34 PM on October 15, 2009

I am watching it live here:
http://www.breitbart.tv/watch-live-boy-in-balloon-aircraft-soars-out-of-control-over-colorado/

They keep pointing out that it is not going very fast, it just looks that way from a circling helicopter. Now is is descending slowly to the ground. Fingers crossed.
posted by LarryC at 12:35 PM on October 15, 2009

It looks to me like there isn't much of a load inside there. The movement just looks odd.
posted by bobo123 at 12:35 PM on October 15, 2009

His father's website. Warning - noisy, crappy music.
posted by Guy_Inamonkeysuit at 12:35 PM on October 15, 2009

100 ft.
posted by inconsequentialist at 12:35 PM on October 15, 2009

Impact!
posted by fixedgear at 12:35 PM on October 15, 2009

soft landing
posted by papercake at 12:35 PM on October 15, 2009

It just landed.
posted by inconsequentialist at 12:35 PM on October 15, 2009

Just landed!
posted by hellojed at 12:35 PM on October 15, 2009

It just landed!!!
posted by oulipian at 12:35 PM on October 15, 2009

He just landed.
posted by mudpuppie at 12:35 PM on October 15, 2009

Oh it's on the ground. Jesus fuck.
posted by booticon at 12:35 PM on October 15, 2009

Just landed, very soft.
posted by LarryC at 12:35 PM on October 15, 2009

Please media outlets - pull back into a wide shot when the balloon gets to the ground. Do your tight zoom after you've confirmed Falcon is alive.
posted by jaimev at 12:35 PM on October 15, 2009

I hope you're right, but my father is a pharmacologist and my mother is a pharmacist. At age 6, I wouldn't have known the difference between aspirin and heroin.
posted by Astro Zombie at 12:35 PM on October 15, 2009

soft landing, for anyone that stopped watching
posted by mikepop at 12:36 PM on October 15, 2009

Well thank god it landed softly!!!!
posted by cashman at 12:36 PM on October 15, 2009

Oops.
posted by mudpuppie at 12:36 PM on October 15, 2009

they don't know how to get into it
posted by papercake at 12:36 PM on October 15, 2009

Just landed, looked like it landed really soft, which is good.
posted by lilkeith07 at 12:36 PM on October 15, 2009

Landed!
posted by zeoslap at 12:36 PM on October 15, 2009

Well it's on the ground.
posted by chunking express at 12:36 PM on October 15, 2009

This is going to be awesome or terrible.
posted by clearly at 12:36 PM on October 15, 2009

How could he possibly be asphyxiated by the helium? He would have to climb up into the bag from the cargo unit, which seems like something even a six year old would be unlikely to do, or the gas would have to displace the normal atmosphere in the cabin, which is under the gasbag. That just seems unlikely.

Now, the cold up there, that seems like it might be an issue.
posted by mwhybark at 12:37 PM on October 15, 2009

No one is in there.
posted by fixedgear at 12:37 PM on October 15, 2009

open up the damned thing!
posted by papercake at 12:37 PM on October 15, 2009

I'm following this exclusively via MetaFilter. It's gripping.
posted by Faint of Butt at 12:38 PM on October 15, 2009 [9 favorites]

OPEN IT!!!!!!!!!
posted by 8dot3 at 12:38 PM on October 15, 2009

David Shuster on MSNBC also pointed out that the kid, coming from somewhat aviation-skilled family, might be a little more knowledgeable about what do do in such a situation than a regular kid.

1) He's six. years. old.

2) He already did the most primarily unsafe thing, which was to get inside it and fly away.

Hope he's okay. It would be nice for this to just be a whimsical story about a flying Falcon.
posted by Sticherbeast at 12:38 PM on October 15, 2009

This is the most fascinating, surreal video I've ever seen.
posted by oulipian at 12:38 PM on October 15, 2009

I think they know he's not in it, they're securing the balloon to the ground and don't seem to be going for the undercarriage right away.
posted by nowoutside at 12:38 PM on October 15, 2009

there's nothing in it. they're moving it too easily.
posted by papercake at 12:38 PM on October 15, 2009

It also doesn't look like the kid is in the balloon?
posted by chunking express at 12:39 PM on October 15, 2009

Where the hell's the kid? Is he even in there?
posted by scalefree at 12:39 PM on October 15, 2009

Is he in there?? Doesn't look that way...
posted by Guy_Inamonkeysuit at 12:39 PM on October 15, 2009

No one inside?!
posted by LarryC at 12:39 PM on October 15, 2009

It's empty.
posted by mr_roboto at 12:39 PM on October 15, 2009

The way they're hacking at it with axes, I'm guessing they have information that he's not in there. Sheesh.
posted by heyho at 12:39 PM on October 15, 2009

Nobody's in the basket...
posted by not_on_display at 12:39 PM on October 15, 2009

Balloon is empty.
posted by Lord_Pall at 12:39 PM on October 15, 2009

No one in it, they say.
posted by Guy_Inamonkeysuit at 12:39 PM on October 15, 2009

He fell out/off somewhere.
posted by mudpuppie at 12:39 PM on October 15, 2009

MY TV IS DEAD SO I CAN'T FOLLOW THIS ON THE NEWS, everyone please keep posting updates!
posted by ErikaB at 12:39 PM on October 15, 2009

It's full of cans.
posted by uncleozzy at 12:40 PM on October 15, 2009 [9 favorites]

There's nobody in it.
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 12:40 PM on October 15, 2009

Hope they find that kid.
posted by cashman at 12:40 PM on October 15, 2009

Ugh.
posted by Reverend John at 12:40 PM on October 15, 2009

he must have fallen out as his brother said
posted by papercake at 12:40 PM on October 15, 2009

(wherever he is)
posted by cashman at 12:40 PM on October 15, 2009

This CNN anchor is an idiot.
posted by smackfu at 12:40 PM on October 15, 2009 [1 favorite]

If he just untied it and ran away he is so fucking grounded.
posted by 8dot3 at 12:40 PM on October 15, 2009 [44 favorites]

Are they sure he was ever in there?
posted by Pater Aletheias at 12:40 PM on October 15, 2009

Wow there's nobody inside....I hope the kid is safe somewhere.
posted by lilkeith07 at 12:40 PM on October 15, 2009 [2 favorites]

Viral marketing for his storm chaser parents.
posted by fixedgear at 12:40 PM on October 15, 2009 [3 favorites]

No kid! Hopefully he is safe at home...?
posted by LarryC at 12:40 PM on October 15, 2009

man, that reporter is out of shape. catch your breath, for chrissakes.
posted by papercake at 12:41 PM on October 15, 2009

Here's to me hoping that the kid is hiding for fear he'd be in trouble for setting the thing off. :(
posted by frecklefaerie at 12:41 PM on October 15, 2009 [1 favorite]

I'm thinking he was never in it in the first place. Let it go and now he's hiding in the bushes somewhere. How would he have been able to fall out with the balloon still sealed like that? Something doesn't compute.
posted by booticon at 12:41 PM on October 15, 2009

No kid is good. Missing kid, not so much.
posted by Pastabagel at 12:41 PM on October 15, 2009

If he was holding onto it as it went up, he might be blocks away, injured, on a roof somewhere or in a tree. I am going to refrain from making jokes until I know just what happened to this kid.
posted by Astro Zombie at 12:41 PM on October 15, 2009

Al Capone's vault.
posted by shadow vector at 12:41 PM on October 15, 2009 [3 favorites]

Does this mean we can't call him Captain Falcon?
posted by clearly at 12:42 PM on October 15, 2009 [1 favorite]

ok, now can we make jokes?
posted by mannequito at 12:42 PM on October 15, 2009 [1 favorite]

Of course, if he's hiding in his basement, I will let loose with some murderous sarcasm.
posted by Astro Zombie at 12:42 PM on October 15, 2009 [3 favorites]

This is so incredibly depressing.......
posted by caddis at 12:42 PM on October 15, 2009

CNN update: No one inside as balloon lands
posted by thewittyname at 12:42 PM on October 15, 2009

Wow, Colorado sure has big fields of nothing.
posted by smackfu at 12:42 PM on October 15, 2009

Adam Choad reporting for MSNBC?
posted by papercake at 12:43 PM on October 15, 2009

If his brother said he saw him fall out, they are looking for a body now (
posted by Max Power at 12:43 PM on October 15, 2009

Crazy.
posted by delmoi at 12:43 PM on October 15, 2009

Lay off the jokes -- do you have kids? Didn't think so.
posted by Guy_Inamonkeysuit at 12:43 PM on October 15, 2009 [2 favorites]

There goes his Darwin Award. Or would it have to be awarded to his parents (providing they agreed not to have any more kids)?
posted by Man with Lantern at 12:43 PM on October 15, 2009

How would he have been able to fall out with the balloon still sealed like that? Something doesn't compute.

While tethered, the door to the balloon's cabin was open and unlocked. It may have been damaged in the landing.
posted by zarq at 12:44 PM on October 15, 2009

More jokes, please.
posted by fixedgear at 12:44 PM on October 15, 2009 [8 favorites]

ErikaB: pick your favorite cable news channel, go to its website & watch the live feed. It's on all the channels.
posted by scalefree at 12:45 PM on October 15, 2009

too soon, fixed gear, too soon
posted by ouke at 12:45 PM on October 15, 2009

More jokes, please.

Two guys walk into a bar.
One guy says, "Shut the fuck up, we're talking about a 6-year-old kid."
The other guy says, "What the fuck is wrong with you?"
Insert your own punchline here, dick.
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 12:45 PM on October 15, 2009 [16 favorites]

MSNBC says authorities did search the house, just in case the parents were mistaken and the kid wasn't in the balloon, and didn't find him.

This doesn't look good at all.
posted by magstheaxe at 12:45 PM on October 15, 2009

You know what? I've lost so much confidence in human decency over the years that I'm going to ask this question: Do we have evidence that Falcon ever existed in the first place and that this isn't some kind of publicity stunt?
posted by Faint of Butt at 12:46 PM on October 15, 2009 [3 favorites]

If his brother said he saw him fall out, they are looking for a body now (

What is frustrating to me is that (and I'm not watching it anywhere, just following this on MeFi) that it seems like they devoted all the resources to catching the balloon, and none to finding the kid if he did fall out. Was there another team doing ground search and rescue that isn't getting this hardcore press?
posted by anastasiav at 12:46 PM on October 15, 2009 [1 favorite]

Oh, someone just take it to MeTa already.
posted by Joe Beese at 12:46 PM on October 15, 2009

The Wife-Swap angle to this is just bizarre.
posted by HumanComplex at 12:46 PM on October 15, 2009 [1 favorite]

Lay off the jokes -- did you lose your experimental helium aircraft? Didn't think so.
posted by clearly at 12:46 PM on October 15, 2009 [41 favorites]

There's a sighting of something falling out along its flight, they're organizing a search of that area (Fox).
posted by scalefree at 12:46 PM on October 15, 2009

I tuned in late to the live video, and the first thing I though after seeing it to scale against the ground vehicles was "That's not big enough to lift a kid".

Didn't anyone see that episode of Mythbusters?

I bet the kid accidentally let it fly, and is hiding. (That's what I'd have done, I think, at that age.)
posted by pjern at 12:47 PM on October 15, 2009 [6 favorites]

Presumably they'll follow the thing's flight path and do a ground search along the way. I hope that kid is okay.
posted by Guy_Inamonkeysuit at 12:47 PM on October 15, 2009

I imagine they're searching like crazy in the neighborhood he took off from and the rest of the flight path.
posted by papercake at 12:47 PM on October 15, 2009

Anastasiav, it's safe to say that since the image of the out-of-control balloon with a child (presumably) inside makes for much better television, we wouldn't really see any pre-landing coverage of any ground search activities. We should be hearing about those now.
posted by davejay at 12:47 PM on October 15, 2009

You know what? I've lost so much confidence in human decency over the years that I'm going to ask this question: Do we have evidence that Falcon ever existed in the first place and that this isn't some kind of publicity stunt?

*sigh*
posted by zarq at 12:47 PM on October 15, 2009

This article says that the family appeared on an episode of Wife Swap.

I have no further comment about any of this, becuase my mom always said, if you can't say something nice.......
posted by dpx.mfx at 12:48 PM on October 15, 2009

That sure is a silly police line on the CNN feed.
posted by smackfu at 12:48 PM on October 15, 2009

I bet the kid accidentally let it fly, and is hiding. (That's what I'd have done, I think, at that age.)

I'm sure that's what his parents are really, really hoping for right now. I know I am.
posted by davejay at 12:49 PM on October 15, 2009 [1 favorite]

We don't really need evidence that it's not a publicity stunt. If somebody wants to make that accusation, they need to provide evidence that it was. Otherwise, this is exactly what it seems -- two adults who weren't as careful as they should have been and might have had a child die as a result.
posted by Astro Zombie at 12:49 PM on October 15, 2009 [1 favorite]

Ok, the empty balloon + empty house + ground search is sobering.
posted by 8dot3 at 12:49 PM on October 15, 2009

The family was on ABC's Wife Swap.
posted by HumanComplex at 12:49 PM on October 15, 2009

Is it just me, or did one damnfool cop actually PULL HIS GUN as the balloon touched down?
posted by elizardbits at 12:49 PM on October 15, 2009 [6 favorites]

Thinking he was never in it.... ohhhh, the hugs that kid is going to get..and then off to be early.
posted by Mojojojo at 12:50 PM on October 15, 2009

From dpx.mfx's link: Richard Heene has been described by friends as a sort of "mad scientist." He is a storm chaser and has a Web site, call[ed] The Psyience Detectives, which "investigates the mysteries of science and psychic phenomenon."
posted by zarq at 12:50 PM on October 15, 2009

HuffPo on the Wife Swap connection, with video.
posted by Astro Zombie at 12:50 PM on October 15, 2009

Is it just me, or did one damnfool cop actually PULL HIS GUN as the balloon touched down?

I saw that too. No idea what the hell he could have been thinking.
posted by zarq at 12:51 PM on October 15, 2009

I bet the kid accidentally let it fly, and is hiding.

That would be great, but the print story on CNN says that his brother saw him get in before it took off. Hopefully CNN got it wrong in the heat of a fast breaking story.
posted by caddis at 12:51 PM on October 15, 2009

Heene family chasing Gustav.
posted by geoff. at 12:51 PM on October 15, 2009

Parents: are you as careful as Astro Zombie says you should be? Take our quiz and find out.
posted by rob paxon at 12:51 PM on October 15, 2009 [3 favorites]

I bet the kid accidentally let it fly, and is hiding. (That's what I'd have done, I think, at that age.)

Kids don't generally hide for over two hours at that age though. Six-year-olds aren't exactly great at hiding for long periods of time without being found, especially considering that police experts searched the house (and presumably the surrounding area). I would be very happy to be wrong, but I don't think this is going to end well.
posted by burnmp3s at 12:51 PM on October 15, 2009

MSNBC: "A mad scientist sort of family." And maybe it's not Falcon, but another brother?
posted by fixedgear at 12:52 PM on October 15, 2009

I say this as someone who HOPES it's some kind of hoax (I have a 4 year old and this is killing me):

I find it more than a little weird that it sounds like their first call was to the media?
posted by peep at 12:52 PM on October 15, 2009

Is it just me, or did one damnfool cop actually PULL HIS GUN as the balloon touched down?

Flying saucer... field in Colorado... you've been to the movies haven't you?
posted by clearly at 12:52 PM on October 15, 2009 [5 favorites]

Does anybody know about how many miles the aircraft traveled in the air?
posted by lilkeith07 at 12:52 PM on October 15, 2009

Is it just me, or did one damnfool cop actually PULL HIS GUN as the balloon touched down?

There was much activity by a couple of people trying to rope it to make sure it stayed in place. I would imagine the police officer may have been thinking "how can I quickly pop the balloon?" and luckily thought better of it.
posted by davejay at 12:53 PM on October 15, 2009

That would be great, but the print story on CNN says that his brother saw him get in before it took off.

I hope this is just a dumb-ass stunt the two kids cooked up. "Okay, you go hide -- I'll say you got in and took off!"
posted by Guy_Inamonkeysuit at 12:53 PM on October 15, 2009 [1 favorite]

elizardbits: "Is it just me, or did one damnfool cop actually PULL HIS GUN as the balloon touched down?"

Who would be building "experimental aircraft" in their backyard in the first place?

That's right. Terrorists.
posted by Joe Beese at 12:53 PM on October 15, 2009 [4 favorites]

We don't really need evidence that it's not a publicity stunt. If somebody wants to make that accusation, they need to provide evidence that it was. Otherwise, this is exactly what it seems -- two adults who weren't as careful as they should have been and might have had a child die as a result.

Only if you're the sort of person who believes what other people say.

I'm not making light of the situation, nor am I accusing anybody of faking anything. It's just a reflection on me that I can even conceive of somebody, somewhere, lying about something like this.

I hope the kid is hiding somewhere, scared but safe.
posted by Faint of Butt at 12:53 PM on October 15, 2009

I can certainly conceive of it being a publicity stunt. I just have no reason, at the moment, to think it is, except that the parents seem a little publicity happy, which I think has become something of a national disease now, and is not limited to this family.
posted by Astro Zombie at 12:55 PM on October 15, 2009

They just showed a replay of the landing and it seems really clear to me that no one thought he was still on the balloon when it landed. No one even tried to open the bottom part.
posted by smackfu at 12:55 PM on October 15, 2009

Yeah, but faking Bigfoot is one thing; this is something else entirely.
posted by Guy_Inamonkeysuit at 12:55 PM on October 15, 2009

MSNBC just showed the landing, I definitely saw an idiot cop holding a pistol, pointed at the ground. At least it wasn't pointed at the balloon.
posted by scalefree at 12:55 PM on October 15, 2009

I hope this is just a dumb-ass stunt the two kids cooked up. "Okay, you go hide -- I'll say you got in and took off!"

we need Bruce Willis to come back from the future and tell us to all stop worrying about this, and concentrate on the death plague soon to be served to us by monkeys.
posted by mannequito at 12:56 PM on October 15, 2009 [6 favorites]

Here's the balloon in a rather surprising setting. And the family too.
posted by ouke at 12:56 PM on October 15, 2009

It seemed like the door/hatch thing was closed. They said the hatch was made of cardboard, but it didn't look torn.

I'm holding out hope that these two facts mean that the kid jumped out from a reasonable altitude and has a broken leg somewhere and will be found and rushed to the hospital and we'll be making snarky comments about the family interviews on Oprah next week.
posted by papercake at 12:57 PM on October 15, 2009

This is horrible horrible horrible horrible.

I seriously hope that kid is at home somewhere.....as the mother of a little person, this is so upsetting.
posted by zizzle at 12:57 PM on October 15, 2009

Just hoping that as people are suggesting he untethered it and realising what had happened and ran for it. As for 6 year olds don't run for more than two hours, I wouldnt be so sure about that. Hoping this ends well but not convinced.
posted by numberstation at 12:57 PM on October 15, 2009

zoinks. There is a video on the HuffPo page with the family denouncing 'overprotective' people as 'p*ssies'.
posted by drowsy at 12:57 PM on October 15, 2009

Nice. The heads on CNN seem to be complaining about the cost and resources used on a non-rescue. I wonder if they would even be saying that if there HAD been a boy inside?
posted by hippybear at 12:57 PM on October 15, 2009

I'm flagging poor taste jokes too, but I have to say that the Wife Swap connection and the description the news anchor gave about the family calling them and urging them to get thier news chopper in the area seem a little odd.

I certainly hope the little guy is okay.
posted by Big_B at 12:57 PM on October 15, 2009

Seeing this story covered by CNN and MSNBC and whatever other networks really disgusts me. They've taken one family's terrible ordeal and turned it into an easy-to-digest package of news of the weird story with a side of pathos for the viewer to consume. Thousands of other little boys around the world have faced mortal danger this year and probably thousands have died, but the media didn't throw up a live video feed for each one because their hearing about a kid who succumbed to AIDS and malnutrition or a kid that stepped out in traffic is boring, it doesn't make good entertainment. And let's be honest, that's all this story really is to the news networks and to us, the viewers at home: entertainment. And that sickens me.
posted by homuncula at 12:59 PM on October 15, 2009 [18 favorites]

It looks from the video that the "saucer" was mean't to be the other way up and not carrying a gondola on the bottom. This would jive with the concept that it was mean't to just hover while tethered. It must have tipped over shortly after takeoff.
posted by bonobothegreat at 12:59 PM on October 15, 2009

Does anybody know about how many miles the aircraft traveled in the air?

Ten miles.
posted by Houstonian at 12:59 PM on October 15, 2009

Well, this is depressing.
posted by odinsdream at 12:59 PM on October 15, 2009

papercake: "I'm holding out hope that these two facts mean that the kid jumped out from a reasonable altitude and has a broken leg somewhere and will be found and rushed to the hospital and we'll be making snarky comments about the family interviews on Oprah next week."

Even before the dingus landed, the news was reporting that "victims' advocates" were with the family.

I am highly suspicious of the motives involved there.
posted by Joe Beese at 1:00 PM on October 15, 2009

Was the kid ever in the balloon? Maybe the brother let the balloon go and then told dad "Falcon did it! And he's ... um...in the balloon!" Meanwhile Falcon is playing video games at the neighbor's house.
posted by LarryC at 1:01 PM on October 15, 2009 [1 favorite]

If this turns out to be a stunt, I might drive there and ... shout at them.
posted by papercake at 1:01 PM on October 15, 2009 [2 favorites]

And I guess I should admit my own hypocrisy, because I'm as emotionally invested in this story as everyone else in this thread. I don't mean it as a callout of anyone who's following the story, or a callout of empath for making the FPP. My anger is at the media outlets pushing this story.
posted by homuncula at 1:02 PM on October 15, 2009

Supposedly the balloon was not designed to carry anyone. But it's not clear if that also means it was incapable of doing so. If that were the case, it's possible the kid was never in the air at all.
posted by tommasz at 1:03 PM on October 15, 2009

Seeing this story covered by CNN and MSNBC and whatever other networks really disgusts me. They've taken one family's terrible ordeal and turned it into an easy-to-digest package of news of the weird story with a side of pathos for the viewer to consume. Thousands of other little boys around the world have faced mortal danger this year and probably thousands have died, but the media didn't throw up a live video feed for each one because their hearing about a kid who succumbed to AIDS and malnutrition or a kid that stepped out in traffic is boring, it doesn't make good entertainment. And let's be honest, that's all this story really is to the news networks and to us, the viewers at home: entertainment. And that sickens me

Seriously, with no snark: you undervalue "entertainment" (I'd call it drama) as a human need.
posted by Bookhouse at 1:03 PM on October 15, 2009 [6 favorites]

homuncula: "let's be honest, that's all this story really is to the news networks and to us, the viewers at home: entertainment. "

Well, while we wait for the miraculous/tragic ending of this story, here's Billy Wilder's classic Ace In The Hole.
posted by Joe Beese at 1:03 PM on October 15, 2009 [1 favorite]

Current theory being discussed on MSNBC and CNN is that the 6 year old (Falcon) let the balloon go ... got scared in that he'd be punished and he's hiding somewhere in the neighborhood.
posted by ericb at 1:03 PM on October 15, 2009

becuase my mom always said, if you can't say something nice.......

...tell everybody what your mom said?
posted by adamdschneider at 1:04 PM on October 15, 2009 [9 favorites]

I'm listening to the Colorado State Patrol dispatches, and there is a HEAVY ground search going on as would be expected.
posted by rollbiz at 1:04 PM on October 15, 2009

Wolf Blizter has the wall map out now. Good grief!
posted by jeanmari at 1:04 PM on October 15, 2009

Seeing this story covered by CNN and MSNBC and whatever other networks really disgusts me. They've taken one family's terrible ordeal and turned it into an easy-to-digest package of news of the weird story with a side of pathos for the viewer to consume.

Mars Girl by Jeff Garrity explores this in a fascinating way. Since I haven't had a TV for several years now, each time I come into contact with traditional media, this being a particularly relevant example, I think back on the way media works in his novel.
posted by odinsdream at 1:04 PM on October 15, 2009

...adds breaking news stories about boys in balloons to list of subjects that don't go well on MeFi...
posted by fixedgear at 1:04 PM on October 15, 2009

It landed. He wasn't even in the aircraft...
posted by spiderskull at 1:04 PM on October 15, 2009

So if it turns out the the gondola was really just a "cup", mean't to be on the top while hovering tethered, then it's been pretty much known to all involved that it's been impossible for the kid to have been with the balloon this whole time.
posted by bonobothegreat at 1:04 PM on October 15, 2009

Where is the story which mentions what the older brother said (about seeing the boy fall or whatever)?
posted by iconomy at 1:05 PM on October 15, 2009

It's a basic problem of having 3 24-hour news channels. They have to fill all that time with something, and they have to fill it with things which will draw eyeballs to the channel so the advertisers will continue to fund their channels. They pick and choose, find the stories which will grab the most attention. Jessica McClure pretty much help make CNN in their very early days, so the "child in danger" coverage on this sort of channel is basically a staple.
posted by hippybear at 1:05 PM on October 15, 2009 [2 favorites]

This is a fuckin brilliant publicity stunt.
posted by Christ, what an asshole at 1:05 PM on October 15, 2009 [1 favorite]

This is totally devastating, but I gotta admit, I've got a strange feeling about the parents.
posted by futureisunwritten at 1:05 PM on October 15, 2009

The Heene family appeared on ABC-TV's reality show Wife Swap last year. More about the family at the show's website.
posted by ericb at 1:06 PM on October 15, 2009

*Turns off "We're Sending Our Love Down the Well", turns on "I Do Believe We're Naked"*
posted by Lentrohamsanin at 1:07 PM on October 15, 2009 [13 favorites]

If it's a publicity stunt, it is going to backfire, hard. I wouldn't call that brilliant.
posted by Astro Zombie at 1:07 PM on October 15, 2009

There's no way this is a publicity stunt, unless the parents are complete morons and/or unbelievably rich. These people are going to be in debt for the rest of their lives because of this. And no corporation would have paid them to do this as a viral thing -- if that ever came to light, they'd be screwed, too.
posted by gurple at 1:08 PM on October 15, 2009

homuncula, I don't know that it's entertainment. It's fascination. There aren't a lot of unknowns in a child dying of malnutrition or in a car wreck. A kid trapped in out of control homemade UFO? Virtually every word in that sentence invites questions.
posted by schoolgirl report at 1:08 PM on October 15, 2009

CNN.com is front-paging Richard Heene's "iReport" on Mars.
posted by setanor at 1:08 PM on October 15, 2009

The CNN meteorologist is so excited right now to be explaining the flight path of the balloon, winds, etc. At this point, the coverage is classic cable ridiculous.
posted by jeanmari at 1:08 PM on October 15, 2009 [3 favorites]

I'm listening to the Colorado State Patrol dispatches, and there is a HEAVY ground search going on as would be expected.

If I were a Fort Collins Police officer, with the evidence that he was never in the balloon to begin with, I would be damned sure the kid wasn't under his bed or at grandma's house down the street before allocating any more resources to this fiasco.
posted by clearly at 1:08 PM on October 15, 2009

On CNN, they keep saying that the parents "are cooperating." This seems strange to me. If it's really just a terrible incident, of course they are cooperating! So, why do they keep saying that?
posted by Houstonian at 1:08 PM on October 15, 2009

"When the Heene family aren't chasing storms, they devote their time to scientific experiments that include looking for extraterrestrials and building a research-gathering flying saucer to send into the eye of the storm. In this ultimate swap, the Heenes swap lives with a psychic mom who speaks to the dead and can control the weather, her husband and her children -- who believe they are destined to be stars. This show will feature aliens, punk rockers, past-life regression and, for the first time ever, the children from the two families will face off in a kids' table meeting. 'Heene/Silver,'the 100th episode of Wife Swap, destined to become a classic!

Wife Mayumi (43) and storm scientist Richard (45) take their three kids, Bradford (8), Ryo (7) and Falcon (5), out of school to go on storm chasing missions to prove Richard's theories about magnetic fields and gravity. If conditions are right, Mayumi wakes her family by shouting 'Storm Approaching, Storm Approaching!' into a bullhorn. The family sleep in their clothes so they can leap out of bed and into the storm-mobile. Richard calls Mayumi his 'ninja wife'; she maintains equipment, drives the storm-mobile, films tornadoes and waits with the kids while Richard jumps on his motorbike, heads into the eye of the storm and launches rockets to measure magnetic forces. At home the family are as chaotic as a twister: the kids have no table manners and throw themselves around the house, and while Richard devotes every moment to his research, he expects Mayumi to cook, clean and run the house without any help." *

posted by ericb at 1:08 PM on October 15, 2009

then it's been pretty much known to all involved that it's been impossible for the kid to have been with the balloon this whole time

The tricky bit is that CNN and the other networks are not included in "all involved".
posted by smackfu at 1:09 PM on October 15, 2009

Thousands of other little boys around the world have faced mortal danger this year and probably thousands have died, but the media didn't throw up a live video feed for each one because their hearing about a kid who succumbed to AIDS and malnutrition or a kid that stepped out in traffic is boring, it doesn't make good entertainment.

A balloon chase is telegenic, it goes on for hours & keeps people glued to their seats. That's ratings in the bag. Now that the balloon is down they have to start grasping to hold on to that audience, so they start spinning storylines about how eccentric the family is, looking for clues in the script of the TV show they were on, throwning everything to the wall & seeing what sticks.

You're right that it's grotesque, I don't need to know right this second what really happened to the boy so my TV's going off.
posted by scalefree at 1:09 PM on October 15, 2009 [1 favorite]

Yeah I turned on MSNBC and they were talking about how the family had been on wife swap.

Looking at the design of the balloon, it's not all that clear how he could even have been on it, it looked like the bottom part was sealed in.

If he did fall, he could be anywhere along the balloons path, which looked like it was pretty long.
posted by delmoi at 1:09 PM on October 15, 2009

This is a fuckin brilliant publicity stunt.

Well, the whole UFO as weather balloon theory just became a shit ton more credible.
posted by clearly at 1:10 PM on October 15, 2009 [1 favorite]

This whole thing has made my stomach turn this afternoon. I am holding on to the hope that the kid is just hiding somewhere....

(When I was young, my brother, a neighbor and I did experiments flying toys around with helium balloons. I was always surprised at the amount of lift, but also how unstable it was. I am just picturing the time when my Sindy doll fell out and her head got smashed to pieces on the pavement... Urk.)
posted by gemmy at 1:10 PM on October 15, 2009

The three Heene boys' YouTube music video, called 'Not Pussified.'

Hoo-boy ... interesting family, to say the least.
posted by ericb at 1:11 PM on October 15, 2009

Just to clear things up, the family appeared on Wife Swap twice.

Heene/Martel

Heene/Silver
posted by trueluk at 1:11 PM on October 15, 2009

Attention MeFi Math Squad!
(well, the famous MeFi Detective Squad can't get all the respect...)

Could a mylar balloon measuring roughly 20 feet across and 5 feet high, full of helium, have enough lift to carry up a 50 pound child (and a very lightweight basket), at a starting altitude of 5000 feet above sea level? Show your work.
posted by Asparagirl at 1:12 PM on October 15, 2009 [11 favorites]

It's been fascinating following this almost exclusively on MeFi.
posted by HumanComplex at 1:12 PM on October 15, 2009 [2 favorites]

"Pajamas are pussified!" -- out of the mouth of babes!
posted by ericb at 1:12 PM on October 15, 2009

There's no way this is a publicity stunt, unless the parents are complete morons and/or unbelievably rich. These people are going to be in debt for the rest of their lives because of this.

OK, ignorant Brit here. Why are they going to be in debt?
posted by vbfg at 1:13 PM on October 15, 2009 [1 favorite]

This is clearly a viral marketing strategy for Don Delillo's new novel about a family in Colorado who went into viral marketing after their stint on a reality tv show Jesus Christ just NUKE THIS FUCKER FROM ORBIT ALREADY.
posted by The Straightener at 1:13 PM on October 15, 2009 [2 favorites]

The brother saw the balloon go up, and went to tell a neighbor, who called the authorities. Where were the parents?
posted by Houstonian at 1:13 PM on October 15, 2009

CBS Denver profile of the 'Tornado Chasing Family.'
posted by ericb at 1:14 PM on October 15, 2009

vbfg-- this is a damn costly chase. They'll likely be forced to reimburse at least the city/state for their costs, if this was filing a false report.
posted by ibmcginty at 1:14 PM on October 15, 2009

Also, why weren't the kids in school in the middle of a Thursday?
posted by roomthreeseventeen at 1:14 PM on October 15, 2009

Why are they going to be in debt?

They're likely to be charged for the search and rescue, especially if the incident could be categorized as "foreseeable" or "preventable". Its not unusual for people who do really stupid things to get billed for the cost of their rescue.
posted by anastasiav at 1:14 PM on October 15, 2009

Where were the parents?

Leno's Green Room.
posted by clearly at 1:14 PM on October 15, 2009 [1 favorite]

From the front page of CNN.com:

Authorities who reached a balloon that was set adrift by a 6-year-old boy at his parents' Fort Collins, Colorado, home found it empty, according to CNN affiliate KMGH, citing a police report. The balloon landed south of Prospect Springs near Colorado Springs.

I despair for what the 24-hour-news cycle and relentless rush to be first has done to accuracy. I know CNN is based in Atlanta and the people writing this are maybe not so familiar with Colorado geography, but I saw that and said "wait, what? how long was the balloon aloft? That makes no sense."

I can't even figure out how you'd get that wrong. Plugging in "prospect reservoir, co" (which is all over the front page of KUSA, the local affiliate) to google maps doesn't get you anywhere near Colorado Springs.

I wish this wasn't the sort of thing that CNN and MSNBC and all the other cable channels picked up and broadcast over the country. What good does that do, other than make us all worry about the worst? There doesn't seem to be any redeeming value for national networks to cover this, particularly if they can't even be arsed to get the facts right.

I really hope that kid is okay.
posted by iminurmefi at 1:14 PM on October 15, 2009 [3 favorites]

Imagine the thread that would have existed if Metafilter were around back when little Jessica McClure* fell down that well.


*that was her name, right? Or was that the baboon heart baby? I'm too lazy to look it up and horrified that I actually remember her name.
posted by bondcliff at 1:14 PM on October 15, 2009

I, too, have been following exclusively via MeFi - the greatest moment sofar: the "Landed!" simulpost at 2:35 Central Time. I also, daresay, I can't think of a thing I'm missing from MSM, other than a lot of empty talking to avoid dead air.
posted by AzraelBrown at 1:15 PM on October 15, 2009

scalefree: " Now that the balloon is down they have to start grasping to hold on to that audience... throwing everything to the wall & seeing what sticks."

Did the boy ever spend a night at Neverland?
posted by Joe Beese at 1:15 PM on October 15, 2009

OK, ignorant Brit here. Why are they going to be in debt?

Because the city would sue them for causing the city to waste huge amounts of public resources on a hoax?
posted by Jaltcoh at 1:15 PM on October 15, 2009

ibmcginty: I see. But if they really thought the kid was in there, and it then turns out he wasn't, they surely don't have to pay for that?
posted by vbfg at 1:16 PM on October 15, 2009

Also, why weren't the kids in school in the middle of a Thursday?

There was an offhand mention on MSNBC that the kids were out of school today, or this week, or something. I know a lot of kids on year-round schedule who are off right now where I live, so it didn't surprise me.
posted by padraigin at 1:16 PM on October 15, 2009

They would, if this was preventable. You pay for negligence.
posted by Astro Zombie at 1:16 PM on October 15, 2009

bondcliff: "Imagine the thread that would have existed if Metafilter were around back when little Jessica McClure* fell down that well."

Here's the 9/11 thread, if that helps.
posted by Joe Beese at 1:16 PM on October 15, 2009

The Psyience Detectives with hosts and producers Richard Heene, Scott Stevens, and Barbra Slusser: YouTube channel.
posted by ericb at 1:16 PM on October 15, 2009

OK, ignorant Brit here. Why are they going to be in debt?

Colorado counties are pretty good at smacking stupid people with the costs of search and rescue when the situation was created due to the person's own negligence. I recall there were a couple of high-profile instances of this when I was living there 10 or 15 years ago--people who should have known better going off totally unprepared to climb a mountain, that sort of thing.

I think (but am not sure) that families don't get billed for search and rescue when it's a unforseeable sort of thing.
posted by iminurmefi at 1:17 PM on October 15, 2009

I can't speak to what the pp meant for sure, but sometimes in the US, if a search and rescue turns out to have been unnecessary and resources were "wasted," then sometimes the town/city/county will require the person who was supposed to have been rescued to pay for the cost of the effort because the effort took time and resources away from other situations and people that perhaps could have really used them. It's supposed to be a way to keep people from crying wolf and is more commonly seen in missing persons cases where the person turns out to never have been missing or in someone filing false reports that take up the time of investigators.

The other way they would be in debt....well....if the kid did fall out of the balloon and is seriously hurt, the medical bills....and if the kid didn't make it.....Well, I won't go into that.....
posted by zizzle at 1:18 PM on October 15, 2009

They think he's hiding in the neighborhood; did not fall out of the balloon.
posted by Houstonian at 1:18 PM on October 15, 2009

There was an offhand mention on MSNBC that the kids were out of school today...

Yeah ... they mentioned on CNN it was due to a teacher conference day at the elementary school.
posted by ericb at 1:18 PM on October 15, 2009

Why weren't the kids in school? Why weren't the parents watching their 6 year old in their own back yard? Why did this family dare to dream the impossible dream? How dare they. They made a video FLAUNTING their lack of basic balloon safety. It all just makes me sick.
posted by rob paxon at 1:19 PM on October 15, 2009

Richard Heene, Science Detective -- MySpace page.
posted by ericb at 1:19 PM on October 15, 2009

Larimer County spokesperson said they think he is on the ground and scared. Never in the balloon.
posted by zerobyproxy at 1:20 PM on October 15, 2009 [1 favorite]

Wtf Joe? Haven't you derailed enough lately?
posted by Big_B at 1:20 PM on October 15, 2009

This whole situation is screwed up. I'm going to give my baby an extra hug after work. And also remind him not to get into any lighter-than-air vehicles unsupervised.
posted by caution live frogs at 1:20 PM on October 15, 2009

Real quick rough math has a 20ftx5ft cylinder of helium able to lift 100 pounds.
posted by Diddly at 1:20 PM on October 15, 2009 [1 favorite]

I don't see this ending well, it seems like all the networks are bracing for the worst.
posted by hellojed at 1:20 PM on October 15, 2009

Now that we're confident the child is alive you may release the hounds of snark, Metafilter.
posted by The Straightener at 1:20 PM on October 15, 2009 [2 favorites]

I don't have kids, so I'll probably go home and hug my experimental balloon.
posted by notmydesk at 1:20 PM on October 15, 2009 [29 favorites]

This is clearly a viral marketing strategy for Don Delillo's new novel about a family in Colorado who went into viral marketing after their stint on a reality tv show Jesus Christ just NUKE THIS FUCKER FROM ORBIT ALREADY.

A nanosecond before reading your comment, I was musing about how Delillo-esque this whole thing is.
posted by jayder at 1:21 PM on October 15, 2009

As soon as Wife Swap comes on, I am going to hug my television. And then destroy it with an ax.
posted by Astro Zombie at 1:21 PM on October 15, 2009 [2 favorites]

homuncula, I don't know that it's entertainment. It's fascination. There aren't a lot of unknowns in a child dying of malnutrition or in a car wreck. A kid trapped in out of control homemade UFO? Virtually every word in that sentence invites questions.

That's the thing - humans have an innate tendency to rubberneck at accidents and a story that combines potential tragedy with bizarre circumstances is really fucking compelling. What makes me angry is the news networks that exploit this natural human psychology in order to convert a family's suffering into increased Neilsen ratings and page views.
posted by homuncula at 1:21 PM on October 15, 2009

But if they really thought the kid was in there, and it then turns out he wasn't, they surely don't have to pay for that?

It depends. If, in the judgment of the town or state, this was due to their own negligence they'll be asked to pay.

The classic example of this is that there are a handful of people who need to be pulled off mountains each year, despite the Forest Service clearly posting warnings that its unsafe to climb due to weather/landslides/whatever. They ignore the warnings and need to be saved, they pay.

This isn't as clear cut, but its certainly a different situation than, I don't know, a search and rescue because this boy snuck out of a locked house in the middle of the night. In the locked house scenario, the parents would have been seen to take reasonable precautions against the boy going outside. If it becomes clear that they could have prevented this -- either by tethering the balloon better or maybe they've left the kids unsupervised, or whatever, then, yeah, they'll get a bill.

In my experience its much more likely that they'll get a bill if the child is found alive and save than if the child is injured or dead.
posted by anastasiav at 1:21 PM on October 15, 2009

I don't see this ending well, it seems like all the networks are hoping for the worst.

end cynicism.
posted by Think_Long at 1:21 PM on October 15, 2009

Ah, now THIS is the Fort Collins I knew and loved growing up!
posted by scody at 1:22 PM on October 15, 2009 [2 favorites]

Why weren't the parents watching their 6 year old in their own back yard?

I don't watch my six year old in our own back yard. To be fair, I don't have a giant fucking helium balloon back there, but what's to stop my kids from tying a kite to the chickens or something?

But god, the whole point of a back yard is safe space for unsupervised play. These parents made theirs potentially unsafe, but don't throw the baby out with the bathwater.
posted by padraigin at 1:22 PM on October 15, 2009 [8 favorites]

I love that the dad, on his MySpace page, thinks television "sucks." I suppose he thought his family's two appearances on "Wife Swap" somehow elevated the medium.

Hope the kid is okay though.
posted by OolooKitty at 1:23 PM on October 15, 2009 [1 favorite]

what's to stop my kids from tying a kite to the chickens or something?

what
posted by Astro Zombie at 1:23 PM on October 15, 2009 [10 favorites]

I just hope this happened early enough in the day to make it onto tonight's Daily Show.
posted by bondcliff at 1:23 PM on October 15, 2009 [1 favorite]

Richard Heene sounds like a real nutter, "I could also tell you how Richard is convinced that he has found the secret of an anti-gravity device in the cyclonic action of tornadoes"
posted by geoff. at 1:23 PM on October 15, 2009

Metafilter: tying a kite to the chickens or something
posted by mikepop at 1:24 PM on October 15, 2009 [7 favorites]

Nah, MSNBC's David Shuster sounds really concerned, I keep hearing his voice crack.
posted by hellojed at 1:24 PM on October 15, 2009

padraigin: "what's to stop my kids from tying a kite to the chickens or something?"

(1 beak + 8 talons) * number of chickens
posted by Joe Beese at 1:24 PM on October 15, 2009 [18 favorites]

What makes me angry is the news networks that exploit this natural human psychology in order to convert a family's suffering into increased Neilsen ratings and page views.

Yeah, yeah, they do, but until MeFi has a helicopter crew to stream live to breakingnewsandshit.metafilter.com I'm glad that I was able to see it somehow - for, as you say, I am humanly compelled to do so.
posted by setanor at 1:24 PM on October 15, 2009 [1 favorite]

Speaking as a nerdy kid-at-heart who, at one point, really wanted to do exactly this - take off in a home-made helium balloon:


It was difficult to gauge the size of the craft before it landed and had people next to it, and now that it has - I'm nearly 100% certain that a helium balloon of that volume would not be able lift a 50-60 pound six year old. I've seen balloon clusters with volumes bigger than that at Disneyland being held by balloon vendors and those wouldn't even lift a cat. Note that the entire silver envelope is just a shell for what appears to be segments of helium envelopes inside of it, so the craft looks bigger than the actual helium volume inside of it.

For reference, see cluster ballooning. The volume required is an order of magnitude larger.

Previously: Lawnchair Larry Walters.

I'm guessing the kid accidentally released the balloon and hid. That or it's a media stunt or hoax. But I'm nearly certain that it wouldn't lift 50+ pounds of payload off the ground at all.

*goes back to lurking*
posted by loquacious at 1:25 PM on October 15, 2009 [2 favorites]

Do the chickens have large talons?
posted by Astro Zombie at 1:26 PM on October 15, 2009 [2 favorites]

How many people have revised their Halloween costume plans based on this story?
posted by MegoSteve at 1:26 PM on October 15, 2009 [3 favorites]

bondcliff said: "I just hope this happened early enough in the day to make it onto tonight's Daily Show."

It may be a last minute thing. I went to a taping once, and it started at 5PM, but they surely had the script written well before that.
posted by booticon at 1:26 PM on October 15, 2009

I don't see any resolution of this incident, publicity stunt or no, that doesn't involve the parents getting stuck with a giant bill.

Even if the authorities knew (or suspected) the entire time that the kid wasn't in the balloon, they still had to go chase the thing down and make sure no other air traffic hit it. No self-respecting municipality is going to let people jerk it around like that for free.
posted by gurple at 1:27 PM on October 15, 2009

No self-respecting municipality is going to let people jerk it around like that for free.

Nope. It's $20, same as in ...

My own fist just punched me in the face for some reason.
posted by Astro Zombie at 1:28 PM on October 15, 2009 [22 favorites]

These parents made theirs potentially unsafe, but don't throw the baby out with the bathwater. poorly-tethered experimental helium balloon craft.

FTFY.
posted by odinsdream at 1:28 PM on October 15, 2009

bondcliff: "I just hope this happened early enough in the day to make it onto tonight's Daily Show."

I bet they won't cover it unless the kid is found within the next hour. The show is capable of doing a fast turnaround on stories, especially since taping hasn't started yet at this hour. But if they tape the show, snark on the family and kid, and it turns out the boy fell to his death... well, it wouldn't look good.
posted by zarq at 1:28 PM on October 15, 2009

I just watched that Wife Swap link and am now completely fucking enraged. The parents looks so blissfully ignorant. Each has their toys - him with his stupid fucking balloon, and her with her home studio so she can record her generic and simplistic three-chord blues rock horseshit and play it for no one but herself. It's so masturbatingly self-indulgent and egocentric. It's all laughs and good times. I wonder if they made some money house flipping in the roaring double-oh's.

To wit:

This would jive with the concept that it was mean't to just hover while tethered. It must have tipped over shortly after takeoff.

In other words, the guy wanted to build a stereotypical-looking UFO, is that right? If that's the case the guy who built it is a fucking moron.

You know why bread always falls butter side down? Because the center of mass is closer to that side. Of course the balloon would roll so the gondola was on the bottom, because that's where the center of mass is. That's why the stupid latex ballons you have at birthday parties float with the knot at the bottom. You'd think if you were going to build a craft capable of violating 94% of FAA regulations, you might pick up a physics textbook and jot down a force diagram or two. But no, that's work! Just build what's in the UFO book, that's SECRET ALIEN TECHNOLOGY.

In America, we have more money than sense. Lost of money to explore "psychic research" like the dad here, lots of money for home studios. But not a lot of concentrated effort. Instead of a home studio, study music composition. Believe me, I feel for the family worrying about their son. But maybe they should rethink calling protective parents "pussies" - their kids weren't in danger of dying on a balloon today.

But I have to say, I see that wife swap clip and I want certain parts of this country to fall into a depression so massive in erupts in rioting and anarchy. We desperately need to learn the lessons that our lifestyle here forced people in other parts of the world to learn ten or twenty years ago.

Shame on them for their pride in their ignorance. Shame on them for letting their stupidity run so far ahead of common sense.
posted by Pastabagel at 1:28 PM on October 15, 2009 [17 favorites]

Geeze, CNN! The kid was not in the balloon, which means that no one cares about it anymore. I don't care what it is made out of or how much lift it has. Please stop talking about something never really worked that well and now has nothing to do with anything. Where is the kid? Can we talk about that instead?

Okay, no more TV news for me. I lasted 20 minutes before yelling at the TV like and old man.
posted by Alison at 1:28 PM on October 15, 2009

This is what they have to worry about
posted by stormpooper at 1:29 PM on October 15, 2009

what's to stop my kids from tying a kite to the chickens or something?

Ok, but if the chicken flew off with your child, would the brother/sister run to you, or run to the neighbor? He/she would run to you to let you know, right? In this case, the brother ran to a neighbor. The neighbor called the authorities.

I'm betting the parents weren't at home.
posted by Houstonian at 1:29 PM on October 15, 2009 [1 favorite]

The fact that his other little brother was the one who "witnessed" him climbing into the non-habitable compartment leads me to believe that the kid never left the ground in the first place. It seems like the kind of story a little boy would make up to cover up some mischeif.

I'll be interested to see where he turns up.
posted by Avenger at 1:29 PM on October 15, 2009

It's an oblate spheroid, which I believe means that the formula to calculate the volume is:

4
- * π * (10*10*2.5) = 1047.19755 ft³
3

I'd guess based on some quick googling that 1. That'd lift about 60 pounds and 2. It's been a really long time since I've had to think about math so you shouldn't trust that number at all.
posted by togdon at 1:29 PM on October 15, 2009 [1 favorite]

her generic and simplistic three-chord blues rock horseshit

Shame on her for not having innate musical proficiency!
posted by setanor at 1:30 PM on October 15, 2009 [5 favorites]

I can't really argue with the reasonableness of the culpable carrying at least some of the costs of their actions in the sorts of situations that merit some kind of response. Seems a bit odd to me in a situation like this though.

Do you get a choice in whether or not they search for the kid or are your hands pretty much tied there?
posted by vbfg at 1:30 PM on October 15, 2009

60 pounds including the skin, and the skin of something like that is heavier than you'd think.
posted by smackfu at 1:30 PM on October 15, 2009

Do you get a choice in whether or not they search for the kid or are your hands pretty much tied there?

Do you mean, could the parents of a missing six-year-old tell the police, nah, don't bother? I hope to hell the answer is "no."
posted by Bookhouse at 1:32 PM on October 15, 2009

I want certain parts of this country to fall into a depression so massive in erupts in rioting and anarchy

Not the part where you live, though, right? Bastion of upright folk as it no doubt is.
posted by adamdschneider at 1:32 PM on October 15, 2009 [2 favorites]

This balloon, it landed?
posted by Kalthare at 1:34 PM on October 15, 2009

yep, landed and basket was empty.
posted by ijaaz at 1:35 PM on October 15, 2009 [1 favorite]

hope the kid is safe.

that is all
posted by edgeways at 1:35 PM on October 15, 2009

Am I the only one who thinks that there are/were more important things for the news to be reporting than this whole incident? Because, honestly, I just don't get what the big deal is.
posted by lunit at 1:35 PM on October 15, 2009

Could a mylar balloon measuring roughly 20 feet across and 5 feet high, full of helium, have enough lift to carry up a 50 pound child (and a very lightweight basket), at a starting altitude of 5000 feet above sea level? Show your work.

Assume a cylindrical balloon:
1.5 * (3^2) * pi = 42 m^3

Density of air at 5000 ft (1500 m) (Assuming usual relationship between altitude temp and pressure): 1.1 kg / m^3
density of helium at 22 deg. C (finally a use for Wolfram Alpha!): 0.17 kg / m^3

Lifting capacity of balloon = (1.1-0.17) * 42
= 39 kg or about a 86 lbs

So yes it would have enough lift
posted by atrazine at 1:35 PM on October 15, 2009 [2 favorites]

AskMetafilter: How many unsupervised six year olds would it take to sufficiently subdue a six-pound chicken in order to launch it into the sky with helium balloons?
posted by Ufez Jones at 1:36 PM on October 15, 2009 [15 favorites]

Really horrible image, heartbreaking actually.

http://twitpic.com/lnewk

this may be the one unlatched compartment that fell - and he may have been in it. I hope he's only injured, if that. What a crummy thing to happen.
posted by luriete at 1:36 PM on October 15, 2009

Do you get a choice in whether or not they search for the kid or are your hands pretty much tied there?

Wow, I hope this wasn't a serious question.
posted by Jaltcoh at 1:37 PM on October 15, 2009

How would you untie a balloon and then get on top of it? Especially when you're a six-year old? I think this kid is already in Mexico, laying low.
posted by notmydesk at 1:37 PM on October 15, 2009

Am I the only one who thinks that there are/were more important things for the news to be reporting than this whole incident? Because, honestly, I just don't get what the big deal is.

More important? Most likely.

More bizarre and therefore captivating (to almost everyone but you)? Probably not.
posted by orville sash at 1:37 PM on October 15, 2009

Also: whereisballoonboy.com is up and running. Good job, internets.
posted by frecklefaerie at 1:37 PM on October 15, 2009 [4 favorites]

The Denver Post profiled Falcon's father in 2007.
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 1:38 PM on October 15, 2009

Ok, but if the chicken flew off with your child, would the brother/sister run to you, or run to the neighbor? He/she would run to you to let you know, right? In this case, the brother ran to a neighbor. The neighbor called the authorities.

shit, I'd tell everybody
posted by Think_Long at 1:38 PM on October 15, 2009

Because, honestly, I just don't get what the big deal is.

Well the big deal here is, doubt that the full story is true given the circumstances. There's currently no closure for those that are hoping he's still alive. Its captivating in the same vein as those stories of a boy falling down a well, the true as well as the ones that were hoaxes gone wrong. There's outrage, greif, humour, speculation, and anticipation...that is what makes news these days. I think you get it, but rather don't like it (as many of us don't).
posted by samsara at 1:39 PM on October 15, 2009

I just watched that Wife Swap link and am now completely fucking enraged. The parents looks so blissfully ignorant. Each has their toys - him with his stupid fucking balloon, and her with her home studio so she can record her generic and simplistic three-chord blues rock horseshit and play it for no one but herself. It's so masturbatingly self-indulgent and egocentric.

Damn those fuckers for having hobbies! HOW DARE THEY!
posted by bondcliff at 1:39 PM on October 15, 2009 [32 favorites]

Because, honestly, I just don't get what the big deal is.

And yet you chose to read this thread...
posted by Jaltcoh at 1:39 PM on October 15, 2009 [2 favorites]

More bizarre and therefore captivating (to almost everyone but you)? Probably not.

Also, there was live video of it. If a news helicopter can film something crazy happening, you can bet that they will and it will end up on TV.
posted by burnmp3s at 1:39 PM on October 15, 2009

Damn those fuckers for having hobbies! HOW DARE THEY!

Exactly, what the fuck?
posted by setanor at 1:40 PM on October 15, 2009 [2 favorites]

I hope the kid is all right. :-(
posted by jock@law at 1:40 PM on October 15, 2009

Really horrible image, heartbreaking actually.

That is a few pixels out of context. It's easy to read something terrible into it if you want to, but it's also easy to read something total banal into it. Finding the video feed that cap is from would presumably be step one in resolving that conflict, and if said video had something shocking on it it's pretty much a given that it'd be making the rounds already as well.
posted by cortex at 1:40 PM on October 15, 2009

luriete: Is there any corroboration that that photo hasn't been doctored by whoever posted it?
posted by Jaltcoh at 1:40 PM on October 15, 2009

Wow, I hope this wasn't a serious question.

It wasn't, and it was a bit soon for that kind of thing. My apologies.
posted by vbfg at 1:40 PM on October 15, 2009

The three Heene boys' YouTube music video, called 'Not Pussified.'

Hoo-boy ... interesting family, to say the least.

Oh. My. God.

Did that kid say making fuck "My balls are itching - it's the fire ants!" ?
posted by cashman at 1:41 PM on October 15, 2009

1047.19755 ft³
Ok, with that volume it could indeed lift about 60lbs. If those sizes are accurate.
posted by atrazine at 1:41 PM on October 15, 2009

So assuming this was a "release the balloon" incident, and the kid never was inside or airborne, I'm guessing much of the subsequent weirdness has to do with the dad's apparent temper. Although I admit I know nothing about this family that I haven't learned from bullshit web sites in the last hour...

you know, maybe I should just stop right there...

But I'm apparently not...

the dad sounds like a little bit of a douchebag, and not one to react well if his kid wrecks the "science project" that has consumed his entire life and turned his whole family into whatever the hell they now are. I remember doing things at twice this kid's age that were phenomenally stupid and guaranteed to get me in serious, serious trouble, and I reacted very irrationally with truly insane schemes for getting out of trouble or covering my ass. I'm guessing that the kid's hiding out someplace, failing to understand that the whole mess is just getting worse with every passing minute. I'll also posit that that's why the sibling went to the neighbors instead of a parent.
posted by Naberius at 1:41 PM on October 15, 2009 [2 favorites]

No problem, vbfg, it was just a little deadpan (you know the old CW about how expressive nuances are lost on the internet), so thanks for the clarification.
posted by Jaltcoh at 1:42 PM on October 15, 2009

is it at all possible there were two compartments sandwiching the balloon? if the bottom one falls off, unable to support the weight of a child, the one on top would flip over, presumably. and sadly if at any altitude.
posted by nomisxid at 1:43 PM on October 15, 2009

Livestream: Denver FOX affiliate KDVR

Apparently dominant hashtag: #balloonboy (warning, lots of morbid humour)
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 1:43 PM on October 15, 2009

I remember doing things at twice this kid's age that were phenomenally stupid and guaranteed to get me in serious, serious trouble, and I reacted very irrationally with truly insane schemes for getting out of trouble or covering my ass.

This is the plot of pretty much every episode of Leave it to Beaver.
posted by MegoSteve at 1:43 PM on October 15, 2009 [6 favorites]

the dad sounds like a little bit of a douchebag, and not one to react well if his kid wrecks the "science project" that has consumed his entire life and turned his whole family into whatever the hell they now are.

I dunno, I mean, you're now suggesting that network reality television is an exacting arbiter of this guy's behavior?
posted by setanor at 1:43 PM on October 15, 2009 [1 favorite]

That is a few pixels out of context.

Absolutely: shades of the 9/11 "Missile Bird". So what cortex said.
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 1:45 PM on October 15, 2009

It seems like we don't need the MSM for wild speculation about the characterization of this family, we'll do it ourselves.
posted by Think_Long at 1:46 PM on October 15, 2009 [2 favorites]

"I don't watch my six year old in our own back yard. To be fair, I don't have a giant fucking helium balloon back there, but what's to stop my kids from tying a kite to the chickens or something?"

I was being extremely sarcastic though I suppose I was a bit vague. I'm really irritated with people questioning the parenting (especially because the family dared to make some stupid family video about 'not being pussies') without even waiting for the body to go cold... or bothering to find out if the kid was ever in the damn thing... or if it even was possible to be a danger in the first place.
posted by rob paxon at 1:46 PM on October 15, 2009

Oh God. When I was that age I had a very Wile E. Coyotean grasp of physics, and I was always falling and busting stuff being proven wrong. I was forever building structures that couldn't possibly support my weight. I sincerely believed you wouldn't fall from a surface until both your feet were off it. I still have the scar from testing that hypothesis.

I desperately hope this kid got nothing more than a few bruises and a lesson about gravity.
posted by Metroid Baby at 1:46 PM on October 15, 2009

It seems like we don't need the MSM for wild speculation about the characterization of this family, we'll do it ourselves.

This.
posted by setanor at 1:46 PM on October 15, 2009

Volume of an ellipsoid 20 by 20 by 5 is ~1050 cu ft. [V=pi/6*(major*minor*vert)]
That's 29.7 cubic meters.

Atmospheric pressure at 7000 ft is 78.19 kPa (101.32 kPa at 0 elevation)

Assuming a temperature of 5 F, (-15C or 258.15 K) at 7000 ft, that's (8.314472*258.15)/(78190*29.7) [n=RT/PV] = 1082 moles of Helium, or 4.3 kg of gas (GMM He assumed to be 4 g/mol).

Assuming gas to shrink at the same rate (a pretty safe bet between helium and air at the altitudes and temperatures we're considering), 1 mole (4g) of helium displaces 1 mole (28 g) of nitrogen, lifting 24 g of load, a factor of 6. Thus 4.3 kg of He lifts about 28 kg (6*4.3).

That seems a bit too low for lifting a 6 year old. Are boys that young 60 lbs or less?
posted by bonehead at 1:48 PM on October 15, 2009 [1 favorite]

I'm glad I haven't been around cable news (and God willing will not be around cable news) all day.
posted by codacorolla at 1:49 PM on October 15, 2009

"At this point, we are thinking that he did not fall out of the balloon and is somewhere on the ground," Larimer County Sheriff's Office spokeswoman Eloise Campanella said. "The basket itself was not breached. It does not look like he fell out of it, but again, this is all conjecture." Watch balloon land »

Campanella said authorities are searching the neighborhood for the boy.

"I'm very confident we will find him. I think it's a matter of him being a little scared," she said. "Maybe he's not ready to be found."

Source
posted by East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94 at 1:49 PM on October 15, 2009 [1 favorite]

Could a mylar balloon measuring roughly 20 feet across and 5 feet high, full of helium, have enough lift to carry up a 50 pound child

Assuming an ellipsoid, radii of 3 meters, 1 meter, 1 meter, (a bit bigger than the dimensions above but close), you're going to get a volume of 4/3*pi*r1*r2*r3 = 12 cubic meters.

According to wikipedia, "Helium provides about 9.8 N of lift (the force to lift 1 kg) per cubic meter of gas at room temperature and sea level pressure."

So about 12 kg (~ 26 lbs) of lift at sea level. Colorado should be less.

I'd expect a six year old to weight 40-50 lbs. That's too much.

But... on preview I see that some people have guessed at one of the radii being larger (3 meters, 3 meters, 1 meter), which actually makes more sense for a saucer shape rather than a hotdog/zeppelin shape. That's going to be 3 times as many cubic meters and therefore kilograms of lift. Still less a kilometer or two up from sea level but probably enough to get him off the ground handily.
posted by weston at 1:49 PM on October 15, 2009

Wow, this story has really taken off!
posted by Flashman at 1:50 PM on October 15, 2009 [6 favorites]

50 lb. child = 22.7kg. According to this, you need 163.3 g of He for every 1 kg of lift, or about 3707 g. Figuring out the density of helium at that altitude and whatever temperature it was goes beyond my level of interest, so I'll just take it at STP, .1786 g/l, meaning we need 20756 liters of helium, or about 21 cubic meters. So if a cylindrical balloon were 1 meter high, it would only need to be a little more than 2.5 meters in radius to lift 22.7 kg, discounting the weight of the balloon and rigging. (On preview, other people are swifter than I am, which isn't news.)
posted by Zed at 1:50 PM on October 15, 2009

Twitter gold: Yo #balloonboy, I'm really happy for you & I'mma let ya finish, but Amelia Earhart had one of the best disappearing flight acts of all time!
posted by fixedgear at 1:50 PM on October 15, 2009 [16 favorites]

Are boys that young 60 lbs or less?

My skinny 7 year old is around 50 lbs, maybe a bit less. So yeah, maybe. I wouldn't think there'd be too much lift left though with the weight of the balloon and all. I'm wondering if anyone saw the observed rate of ascent so we might be able to deduce if the boy was on board. Probably the max altitude would also work.
posted by RikiTikiTavi at 1:51 PM on October 15, 2009

bonehead: According to this CDC chart, boys are anywhere from 35 - 60 lbs at 6 years old.
posted by frecklefaerie at 1:52 PM on October 15, 2009

I was wondering when the media would create a new meme to replace the increasingly boring Missing White Girl and High-Speed Police Chase. Nancy Graceless has just filled her agenda through Thanksgiving.
posted by evilmidnightbomberwhatbombsatmidnight at 1:52 PM on October 15, 2009 [1 favorite]

You mean the Amelia Earhart from the film opening next Friday?
posted by setanor at 1:52 PM on October 15, 2009 [2 favorites]

Wouldn't a balloon need to have a significantly greater lift than the weight of the child + weight of the balloon material to carry him into the air? From my basic understanding of things, if the lift was balanced with the weight, it would go nowhere. Only with a positive lift would the balloon rise, and it rose pretty fast, right?
posted by filthy light thief at 1:53 PM on October 15, 2009

They're saying someone saw something fall from the balloon halfway from where it started to where it landed.
posted by Outlawyr at 1:53 PM on October 15, 2009

Besides the Mars stuff mentioned upthread, the father also posted an opinion video on the US stimulus to iReport under a different account.
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 1:54 PM on October 15, 2009

I'd knock at least 10 lbs for the weight of the balloon. So considering a terminal height (what I calculated) of 7000ft, a 50 lb passenger doesn't seem out of line.
posted by bonehead at 1:55 PM on October 15, 2009

I assume that cops have to file reports every time they discharge their service weapon. Do they also have to do so for simply unholstering it?

Because, if so, I hope the cop who pulled his gun when the balloon landed gets a lot of ribbing from the boys at the station house about it.
posted by Joe Beese at 1:57 PM on October 15, 2009

Damn those fuckers for having hobbies! HOW DARE THEY!

It's not the fact that they have hobbies, it's that their hobbies apparently consume their lives far more than parenting or anything approaching responsibility. I mean, I'm a reckless hobby-consumed dude, but I don't have three little kids I need to take care of and raise properly. Judging by that music video and the wife swap stuff, these parents just don't give a fuck.
posted by naju at 1:57 PM on October 15, 2009 [1 favorite]

9News: "Authorities are searching for a box that was attached to the bottom of an experimental aircraft that took off from a Fort Collins home with a 6-year-old boy inside on Thursday morning."
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 1:57 PM on October 15, 2009

Damn those fuckers for having hobbies! HOW DARE THEY!
posted by bondcliff at 4:39 PM on October 15

Playing guitar is a hobby. Tinkering is a hobby.

Building a studio to play pretend-recording-star in is not a hobby. Building a giant UFO, calling yourself a storm chaser, and spending countless hours writing about "psyience" and UFOs is not a hobby. They are selfish and gross indulgences. They represent a complete lack of humility, precisely the kind of shamelessness and ignorant pride that TV loves.

Yes, to an extent the criticism is about the scale on which one indulges their hobby. They indulged theirs on the scale that landed them on television, first as part of a reality show, but then as part of a live news story in which we all suspected might end with the death of their child on television.
posted by Pastabagel at 1:57 PM on October 15, 2009 [9 favorites]

Asparagirl: "Attention MeFi Math Squad!
(well, the famous MeFi Detective Squad can't get all the respect...)

Could a mylar balloon measuring roughly 20 feet across and 5 feet high, full of helium, have enough lift to carry up a 50 pound child (and a very lightweight basket), at a starting altitude of 5000 feet above sea level? Show your work."

20x5x5 = 500cuft = 14.1584m3, via here.

according to this unvetted yahoo answers page, a rule of thumb for a cluster balloon is 1 cubic meter per kilo. I'm pretty sure that question actually pertains to sea level and not to 1/2 kilometer elevation so I'm guessing that the amount of helium needed per kilo near Denver is greater.

50 lbs in kilos is 22.6796185 kilograms.

Sooooo.... probably not enough helium.
posted by mwhybark at 1:58 PM on October 15, 2009

I ***HOPE*** the frame from the video is fake or doctored or out of context. I just don't know.
posted by luriete at 1:58 PM on October 15, 2009

Building a studio to play pretend-recording-star in is not a hobby. Building a giant UFO, calling yourself a storm chaser, and spending countless hours writing about "psyience" and UFOs is not a hobby.

Yes, they are. They are not hobbies you like. They are not hobbies you respect. That's fine. But plenty of people with even more idiosyncratic and complex hobbies have been praised as kitchy or weird or whateverthefuck.
posted by setanor at 2:00 PM on October 15, 2009 [13 favorites]

Building a studio to play pretend-recording-star in is not a hobby.

Then how would you describe what I do in my spare time?
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 2:00 PM on October 15, 2009 [3 favorites]

The guy on the news was talking about the landing and said that it landed softly and quicker then they thought, and that they thought it was going to go into the night, it was just a disappointing event. The way he said it made me think that he hoped it would keep flying into the night....
posted by lilkeith07 at 2:00 PM on October 15, 2009

20x5x5

I'd interpreted as an oblate ellipsoid (20x20x5), not a cigar. If your interpretation is correct, then yes, not enough lift for a 6-year-old.
posted by bonehead at 2:00 PM on October 15, 2009

Building a studio to play pretend-recording-star in is not a hobby.


You are simultaneously full of shit and banned for life from Mefi Music.
posted by lazaruslong at 2:01 PM on October 15, 2009 [28 favorites]

I'm not going to tell anyone what to discuss or not discuss, but it does feel like we've dug kind of farther into the "just how awful are these parents" neighborhood than there's any real reason to.
posted by cortex at 2:01 PM on October 15, 2009 [14 favorites]

Building a studio to play pretend-recording-star in is not a hobby

Yes, it's a fucking hobby.

Pretends-records a really fucking angry song
posted by Cat Pie Hurts at 2:02 PM on October 15, 2009 [1 favorite]

Building a studio to play pretend-recording-star in is not a hobby

Whoah, hi there! Them's fighting words.
posted by tapesonthefloor at 2:02 PM on October 15, 2009 [3 favorites]

Judging by that music video and the wife swap stuff, these parents just don't give a fuck.

there is so much that's wrong with this assertion
posted by Think_Long at 2:02 PM on October 15, 2009

They indulged theirs on the scale that landed them on television, first as part of a reality show, but then as part of a live news story in which we all suspected might end with the death of their child on television.

Also, you're blaming unfounded media panic based on the eyewitness report of a small child on indulgence?
posted by setanor at 2:02 PM on October 15, 2009 [1 favorite]

Reporting that it got to 15,000 feet (from the live stream on Fox 31).
posted by zerobyproxy at 2:03 PM on October 15, 2009

ah, I should have rough cut toward 20x20x5, so, yes, I concur with the more-advanced math people upthread, in hindsight.
posted by mwhybark at 2:04 PM on October 15, 2009

9News: "Authorities are searching for a box that was attached to the bottom of an experimental aircraft...

AP and CNN are reporting the same.
posted by ericb at 2:04 PM on October 15, 2009

Yeah, it seems like there was in fact a basket attached when it was on the ground that is no longer with the balloon.
posted by setanor at 2:05 PM on October 15, 2009

Reporting that it got to 15,000 feet (from the live stream on Fox 31)

...above sea level. The Denver area is about 5200ft up already.
posted by tapesonthefloor at 2:05 PM on October 15, 2009

Hi, big fan of pastabagel here, with a defense: I think the point is, if they were excellent and attentive parents and so on, the home recording studio wouldn't be a negative. Because they appear to have their priorities dreadfully out of whack, it becomes a negative.

or something
posted by jbickers at 2:06 PM on October 15, 2009

Building a studio to play pretend-recording-star in is not a hobby. Building a giant UFO, calling yourself a storm chaser, and spending countless hours writing about "psyience" and UFOs is not a hobby. They are selfish and gross indulgences. They represent a complete lack of humility, precisely the kind of shamelessness and ignorant pride that TV loves.

No. Pretty sure those are hobbies.
posted by stenseng at 2:06 PM on October 15, 2009 [2 favorites]

Pastabagel, have you ever seen wife swap. They're practically fed lines and stage scenes to play up all their "eccentric" angles. Even putting that aside, so god damn what. None of this indicates that the parents are irresponsible. It certainly doesn't put you in a position to judge their considerations for their childrens' well-being when you have pretty much zero idea how they live, zero idea how they look after their children, zero idea if this device posed a legitimate hazard (much less a perceived one), zero idea what sort of "neglect" was involved with a little kid playing in the safety of his own back yard, and zero idea if he even got in the damn thing. Don't you think you should figure out if the kid is dead and then reflect for a fleeting moment or two before you start condemning the commercialized, sensationalized fictitious version of a family from a "reality" show based on ridiculous, practically masturbatorial media coverage of a completely unresolved event?
posted by rob paxon at 2:07 PM on October 15, 2009 [5 favorites]

jbickers, he asserted that playing guitar is a hobby, but building a home recording studio is not. That's pretty clear and devoid of any relevance or conflation with their parental skills. Don't bend too far over to defend an idiotic assertion.
posted by lazaruslong at 2:07 PM on October 15, 2009 [2 favorites]

does anyone have information about what the ufo was originally intended to do? I've read that it was meant to chase tornadoes, act as a weather balloon, etc. was it ever supposed to carry a human?
posted by Think_Long at 2:07 PM on October 15, 2009

I just watched that Wife Swap link and am now completely fucking enraged. The parents looks so blissfully ignorant.

You do know that reality shows create a narrative around their characters, even where none existed?
posted by dhartung at 2:08 PM on October 15, 2009 [1 favorite]

Then how would you describe what I do in my spare time?

Sort of like tying a kite to a chicken while unsupervised in the backyard?
posted by clearly at 2:08 PM on October 15, 2009 [2 favorites]

Between the math-geek calculations and the parental-fitness expertise, the moratorium on jokes seems to be kind of moot. This whole thread is a joke.
posted by rocket88 at 2:08 PM on October 15, 2009

At 20' round x 5' tall, and converted to meters, I came up with 44.4 cubic meters of volume. If the formula above is correct, then this thing had twice as much helium as needed to pick this kid up. (Please correct me if wrong.)
posted by azpenguin at 2:09 PM on October 15, 2009

I like the part where we think anything seen on Wife Swap bears more than a passing resemblance to reality.
posted by dirtdirt at 2:09 PM on October 15, 2009 [4 favorites]

If it did get to 15000 feet, I don't think it could have lifted the boy. 7000 is just barely possible, assuming optimal inflation and a fairly light superstructure. I can't see 15,000 being possible with a passenger.
posted by bonehead at 2:09 PM on October 15, 2009

And they just said 7 foot tall. So your YAMMV (your air mileage may vary)
posted by azpenguin at 2:09 PM on October 15, 2009

Okay yeah, I'm taking back my parent-condemning comment. Not too thought out on my part.
posted by naju at 2:10 PM on October 15, 2009

Judging by that music video and the wife swap stuff

!!!
posted by dirigibleman at 2:11 PM on October 15, 2009

does anyone have information about what the ufo was originally intended to do?

I read somewhere that the balloon was intended to be sent up into a storm, not to carry people at all.
posted by OolooKitty at 2:11 PM on October 15, 2009

Building a studio to play pretend-recording-star in is not a hobby

Yes, it's a fucking hobby.

There's a distinction that needs to be made here.

It's not a hobby if some jackass, irritating, attention-starved reality-TV family does it.

It's a hobby if a normal, non-attention-starved person does it.

Seriously.

I know people like that family, with their weird-ass projects, horrible manners, out-of-control kids, complete disregard for their neighbors, etc. Their activities do not deserve to be dignified with a term as modest and inoffensive as "hobbies."
posted by jayder at 2:12 PM on October 15, 2009 [2 favorites]

The local TV news here (Boston) was saying that if the balloon got higher it could have made it to Virginia or all the way to the coast! That's some import news that needs to be leading the 5 o'clock news.
posted by lilkeith07 at 2:13 PM on October 15, 2009

that family, with their weird-ass projects, horrible manners, out-of-control kids, complete disregard for their neighbors, etc.

"I like the part where we think anything seen on Wife Swap bears more than a passing resemblance to reality.

"You do know that reality shows create a narrative around their characters, even where none existed?

FFS, people...
posted by setanor at 2:13 PM on October 15, 2009

None of this indicates that the parents are irresponsible.

lol.
posted by clearly at 2:14 PM on October 15, 2009

Pastabagel: "Building a studio to play pretend-recording-star in is not a hobby. Building a giant UFO, calling yourself a storm chaser, and spending countless hours writing about "psyience" and UFOs is not a hobby."

yes they are. hope this clears things up for you.
posted by shmegegge at 2:14 PM on October 15, 2009 [2 favorites]

Building a giant UFO, calling yourself a storm chaser, and spending countless hours writing about "psyience" and UFOs is not a hobby. They are selfish and gross indulgences.

Enough. You made your fucking point about ten hand-wringings ago. Go take a break and lay off the histrionics and value judgments for ten minutes. Jesus.
posted by tkchrist at 2:14 PM on October 15, 2009 [10 favorites]

Between the math-geek calculations and the parental-fitness expertise, the moratorium on jokes seems to be kind of moot. This whole thread is a joke

I don't think the math calculations are off topic. someone upthread asked for them to be done, and I feel like this is the type of thing that MF shines at
posted by Think_Long at 2:15 PM on October 15, 2009 [2 favorites]

Building a giant UFO, calling yourself a storm chaser, and spending countless hours writing about "psyience" and UFOs is not a hobby. They are selfish and gross indulgences.

...said the guy who's made roughly a thousand comments a year on Metafilter.
posted by hifiparasol at 2:18 PM on October 15, 2009 [5 favorites]

No update on finding the kid yet?
posted by sandraregina at 2:18 PM on October 15, 2009

I'm just hoping the kid is okay, and I'm not quite sure I can laugh at the moment, but I must say that I wholeheartedly love Metafilter for going from

"OMG I HOPE HE'S OKAY"

to

"Assume a cylindrical balloon: 1.5*(3^2)*pi=42 m^3 Lifting capacity of balloon=(1.1-0.17)*42=39 kg or about a 86 lbs"

in 90 minutes. There's nothing like suggesting coconuts migrate to lighten the thread. Nerds FTW.
posted by tzikeh at 2:19 PM on October 15, 2009 [22 favorites]

CNN just reported that a Wells County deputy sheriff reported seeing an object fall from the balloon earlier today.
posted by ericb at 2:20 PM on October 15, 2009

> Enough. You made your fucking point about ten hand-wringings ago. Go take a break and lay off the histrionics and value judgments for ten minutes. Jesus.

Okay, okay. No need for name-calling.
posted by tapesonthefloor at 2:21 PM on October 15, 2009

Time travelers are, in fact, visiting the present day and stealing passengers from doomed aircraft.

I knew I remembered this from somewhere!
posted by setanor at 2:21 PM on October 15, 2009

sandraregina: "No update on finding the kid yet?"

They are now looking for an "object" that people saw fall off the balloon, they have a very large area to search though.
posted by lilkeith07 at 2:22 PM on October 15, 2009

lol.
posted by clearly

Laugh it up. This is no more neglectful than having a lawnmower in your back yard. A 6 year old knows damn well not to fiddle with either, and both can be dangerous. Every house/property has things which are dangerous. Every kid is taught not to play with them. Every kid plays unsupervised on their property. Every parent allows this measure of risk to their children because what's the point of having kids much less even being alive otherwise. It's not even proven that this thing could have supported the kid. It sure seems that they believed otherwise as the neighbor said that the thing was only supposed to hover 20 feet. Of course, in your mind this is probably the hopeless idiot child of hopeless idiot parents who probably had gum stuck in his unkempt hair which fastened to the bottom of the balloon. He's already dead in your mind, of course, since that's the only way you can definitively scorn the parents.
posted by rob paxon at 2:23 PM on October 15, 2009 [1 favorite]

...said the guy who's made ...

hold on, does he have a specially outfitted "studio" devoted to commenting on metafilter? does he have multiple web-traceable accounts across mutliple major sites documenting his pursuit of commenting on metafilter? did he consent to an obviously-gonna-be-over-the-top portrayal on national television of his wacky progeny? did he build a giant commenting-on-metafilter machine in his backyard and leave his 6-year-old with the keys?
posted by unregistered_animagus at 2:23 PM on October 15, 2009 [2 favorites]

You can see something falling.
posted by furiousxgeorge at 2:24 PM on October 15, 2009

...said the guy who's made roughly a thousand comments a year on Metafilter.

1,000 comments a year on Metafilter are more helpful to the generalized progress of human culture than one iota of thought about visitations from little green men.

And neither changes the fact that there's a missing 6-year-old out there.
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 2:24 PM on October 15, 2009

unregistered_animagus: "does he have a specially outfitted "studio" devoted to commenting on metafilter?"

And if he does, are there blueprints online somewhere? I could really use something like that.
posted by Joe Beese at 2:25 PM on October 15, 2009

did he build a giant commenting-on-metafilter machine in his backyard and leave his 6-year-old with the keys?

I think that was kathrineg
posted by mannequito at 2:26 PM on October 15, 2009

You can see something falling.

I can't tell what's falling from that, but it gives me an awful knot in my stomach.
posted by specialagentwebb at 2:26 PM on October 15, 2009 [1 favorite]

You can see something falling.

Is that legit?
posted by setanor at 2:27 PM on October 15, 2009

have you ever seen wife swap. They're practically fed lines and stage scenes to play up all their "eccentric" angles.

Just a slight correction, based on pretty extensive personal experience with the production of reality TV shows, which may or may not include the first season of the series at issue here:

"They're practically literally fed lines and directed to stage scenes by producers standing just off camera to play up all their "eccentric" angles and to fit into a storyline previously scripted by the producers before filming even began."
posted by dersins at 2:27 PM on October 15, 2009 [2 favorites]

You can see something falling.
posted by furiousxgeorge at 2:24 PM on October 15 [+] [!]

hmmmm . . . that youtube poster seems awfully excited to have "spotted" the fall. odd that the news crews didn't notice that immediately. . . methinks I don't trust mister borweb from youtube
posted by Think_Long at 2:28 PM on October 15, 2009

You can see something falling.

Yeah -- at the 14 second mark. BTW - has the video been deemed real and undoctored?
posted by ericb at 2:28 PM on October 15, 2009

setanor: "Is that legit?"

First useful YouTube comment in history...

Fell too fast. Doesn't even accelerate. Better luck next time?
posted by Joe Beese at 2:29 PM on October 15, 2009 [2 favorites]

The favorites and flags just disappeared, but maybe that is a bug that should go to MeTa. Carry on with the parent-bashing and math.
posted by fixedgear at 2:29 PM on October 15, 2009

Dear pastabagel,

Snap judgement much? Sounds a lot like, from all that I have read and seen today, that the parents were extremely involved in their kids' lives. If you've bothered to do more than a cursory examination, it really appears that these parents are involved and engaged with their kids much more than your average helicopter parent. Yes, they're eccentric, they've got hobbies, but give me a break...

I have rarely seen this much just plain stupid from you, so I am going to chalk it up as a bad day.

Regards,

Cathedral
posted by Cathedral at 2:29 PM on October 15, 2009

You can see something falling.

Sourced to a foreign-language porn site. Not encouraging.
posted by cortex at 2:29 PM on October 15, 2009 [1 favorite]

You can see something falling.

Yikes. I really hope that wasn't him.
posted by Kimberly at 2:29 PM on October 15, 2009 [2 favorites]

This is no more neglectful than having a lawnmower in your back yard.

Your lawnmower must start much easier than mine. And your must lift into the air and travel for ten miles.
posted by Astro Zombie at 2:30 PM on October 15, 2009

You can see something falling.

Also looks like the balloon changes trajectory as the load is jettisoned.
posted by fire&wings at 2:30 PM on October 15, 2009

You can see something falling.

Yup, the balloon was being trailed by news helicopters, emergency services on the ground and watched live by a big chunk of America and no one noticed that at as it happened.
posted by turaho at 2:30 PM on October 15, 2009

The favorites and flags just disappeared, but maybe that is a bug that should go to MeTa.

You were likely Previewing.
posted by cortex at 2:30 PM on October 15, 2009 [1 favorite]

Hell if I know if it's real, just posting what I saw linked around.
posted by furiousxgeorge at 2:31 PM on October 15, 2009

And your must lift into the air and travel for ten miles.
posted by setanor at 2:31 PM on October 15, 2009 [2 favorites]

The video is obviously fake. Do you think the news crews would miss something like that?
posted by yeti at 2:31 PM on October 15, 2009

Metafilter: more helpful to the generalized progress of human culture than one iota of thought about visitations from little green men.

Wait, no, I take that back.
posted by Cat Pie Hurts at 2:31 PM on October 15, 2009

Sourced to a foreign-language porn site. Not encouraging.

I hope that at the end of today I can say "lol I've been trolled".
posted by specialagentwebb at 2:32 PM on October 15, 2009

Yeah, I'm disbelieving the "something falling" videoclip. There would have been immediate attention payed to something like that, given all the focus that was on the balloon at the time. I hope I'm right -- that would be tragic and ugly if it were the boy. But it just doesn't make sense that anything falling from that balloon wouldn't have been spotted and investigated the instant it happened.
posted by hippybear at 2:32 PM on October 15, 2009

I never wanted to be faked out more than this.
posted by Senator at 2:32 PM on October 15, 2009

You can see something falling.

No you can't because its a photoshop. If you've actually been watching the live coverage on TV you'll see that very scene but without the fake falling kid. Furthermore, the basket had already detached at that point and the bottom of the balloon was sealed.

Flagged as stupid and offensive (not you, just the 'shop).
posted by Avenger at 2:32 PM on October 15, 2009

The reporters said there was a period of time (maybe an hour) that the craft was not being followed/filmed, and during *that* time a person saw something fall.
posted by Sufi at 2:33 PM on October 15, 2009

The reporters said there was a period of time (maybe an hour) that the craft was not being followed/filmed, and during *that* time a person saw something fall.

So you're saying that footage is from when they weren't filming the balloon?
posted by turaho at 2:34 PM on October 15, 2009 [1 favorite]

leave it in for posterity's sake - when someone looks back on this thread they'll be able to track all of the relevant details, include the classless photoshops. plus, they'll find a link to a brand new foreign language porn site - where's the downside?
posted by Think_Long at 2:34 PM on October 15, 2009

You can see something falling.

Sourced to a foreign-language porn site. Not encouraging.

Look, that's how they do it over there, OK!?
posted by mannequito at 2:35 PM on October 15, 2009 [1 favorite]

Desrins, I was just trying to temper myself as I felt I was coming on strong in general as it was. I am definitely as cynical as it gets about 'reality' tv.

Astro zombie... I didn't realize the only way for a child to get harmed was to fly in the air. I appreciate your newfound open-mindedness in this thread though. If you have kids, I hope their safety vests are comfortable.
posted by rob paxon at 2:35 PM on October 15, 2009

You are simultaneously full of shit and banned for life from Mefi Music.
posted by lazaruslong at 5:01 PM on October 15

Oh, relax, I wasn't talking about you.

There is something decidedly non-serious about this family and how it pursues its interests. If you can't see the difference between what they are doing and how they are showing it off, and how someone else might record a song and put it on Mefi music, well, I don't know what to tell you. In my mind the difference is staggering.

As to the parents responsibility: there is a concept in tort law that if you create or introduce a hazard, your duty of care with respect to that rises in proportion to the harm it can cause. In some contexts, where the harm is staggering (like transporting deadly poisons on a traincar), the duty of care becomes infinite, at which point if the harm is actualized, no argument about whether you met your duty of care is permitted and you are responsible simply by virtue of the harm being caused in fact.

If you build a fucking balloon capable of picking up a kid and lofting him 8000 ft into the air, we can argue that whatever the duty of care relating to minimizing the risk of harm from accidental balloon launch, we know that the parents didn't meet their duty of care simply by virtue of the fact that the kid suffered the harm.

For a balloon capable of lifting 50 lbs 8000 ft in the air in contravention of FAA regulations, the duty of care is NOT TO BUILD THE FUCKING BALLOON IN THE FIRST PLACE.
posted by Pastabagel at 2:35 PM on October 15, 2009 [3 favorites]

If you build a fucking balloon capable of picking up a kid and lofting him 8000 ft into the air

OH MY DEAR GOD YOU BOUGHT A CAR CAPABLE OF CARRYING A CHILD TO 140 MILES PER HOUR! AND LEFT IT IN YOUR DRIVEWAY

There is something decidedly non-serious about this family and how it pursues its interests.

As Seen On TV™
posted by setanor at 2:37 PM on October 15, 2009 [13 favorites]

Okay, Wife Swap can make a pretty normal seeming person into a saint or a villain, but nobody edited this guy into getting his three kids out of bed in the middle of the night with a bullhorn to pack them into the car to chase tornadoes, or made him drive into the middle of tornadoes with said kids in the car. Nobody edited him into refusing to do housework, and shrieking at the "new" wife that she was a "nag." He came across as arrogant and rigid, and much more interested in keeping up his "cool scientist" self-image than in actually interacting with or caring for his children.

And since his latest Wife Swap was with a "psychic" you have to wonder why he didn't get a warning about this happening.
posted by jfwlucy at 2:38 PM on October 15, 2009

Think_Long: "plus, they'll find a link to a brand new foreign language porn site - where's the downside?"

I can't wait to Какав you with my вашем until you мишљењу all over my квалитет ...
posted by Joe Beese at 2:38 PM on October 15, 2009 [1 favorite]

You can see something falling.

Yes, you sure can see something falling.
posted by m0nm0n at 2:38 PM on October 15, 2009

Weld County EMS police scanner talking about no secondary gondola. The main compartment was tightly sealed.

I caught the tail end where they mentioned free-fall. Not positive.
posted by Lord_Pall at 2:38 PM on October 15, 2009

nobody edited this guy into getting his three kids out of bed in the middle of the night with a bullhorn to pack them into the car to chase tornadoes, or made him drive into the middle of tornadoes with said kids in the car. Nobody edited him into refusing to do housework, and shrieking at the "new" wife that she was a "nag." He came across as arrogant and rigid, and much more interested in keeping up his "cool scientist" self-image than in actually interacting with or caring for his children.

Not edited. Scripted.
posted by setanor at 2:38 PM on October 15, 2009

the duty of care is NOT TO BUILD THE FUCKING BALLOON IN THE FIRST PLACE.

I would think, actually, the duty of care would be not to leave it inflated in your backyard for no apparent reason. Building the balloon and taking it out for use on specific occasions is certainly not a problem. But just having it there, inflated, floating, tethered... That seems a bit odd to me.
posted by hippybear at 2:40 PM on October 15, 2009 [2 favorites]

Good to see CNN have their priorities back in order.
posted by setanor at 2:41 PM on October 15, 2009

I'm still waiting for everyone in this thread to realize that this whole thing is a hoax planned by the parents in a misguided attempt to gain fame and fortune. I mean there's a few obvious questions that haven't even been asked yet:

a) Who filled the balloon with helium before takeoff? Or does it just ALWAYS sit in the backyard, ready for take-off?

b) I assume there has to be a sequence of events that takes place PRIOR to lift-off, no? Is a 6 year old capable of doing all of that by himself?

c) Since the kid isn't in the balloon and there's no evidence that he fell out of the balloon, shouldn't the authorities be questioning the parents right about now?

c) After gathering that this family is nucking futs, how can the parents not be the number one suspects at this point?

In my opinion this is clearly a hoax and it's laughable that the media (and most of America) fell for it. Dad must be loving every minute of it and his kid is probably in grandma's hidden basement. Give it a few hours and ...

"WE FOUND HIM! HE'S SAFE! NOW LET ME TELL YOU MORE ABOUT MY EXPERIMENTS!"
posted by GrooveJedi at 2:42 PM on October 15, 2009 [8 favorites]

sorry for the 2 c)'s

:)
posted by GrooveJedi at 2:43 PM on October 15, 2009

Not edited. Scripted.

This. Sorry to destroy your cherished illusions about "reality" shows, but I never worked on one that didn't have a script-- actual lines dialogue weren't pre-written, and some participants have the tendency to stray from the storyline more than others, but reality TV field producers are really, really good at convincing people to "be themselves" by doing profoundly stupid shit on camera.
posted by dersins at 2:43 PM on October 15, 2009 [2 favorites]

Or does it just ALWAYS sit in the backyard, ready for take-off?

They apparently had it inflated, as there was the potential for a storm.

I assume there has to be a sequence of events that takes place PRIOR to lift-off, no? Is a 6 year old capable of doing all of that by himself?

It was a helium balloon on a tether. All you need to do is cut the tether.

After gathering that this family is nucking futs, how can the parents not be the number one suspects at this point?

How, exactly, did you gather this?
posted by setanor at 2:43 PM on October 15, 2009 [3 favorites]

The fact that anyone is judging their character based on episodes of Wife Swap is pretty rich.
posted by Pantengliopoli at 2:44 PM on October 15, 2009 [1 favorite]

Pastabagel, you are operating on the assumption that this was capable (and indeed has) lifted a possibly 50 pound child possibly 8,000 feet in the air. While that's all quite possible, the fact you aren't willing to wait and see before you bask in self-righteousness says a lot about the thought you've put into your proclamations. So now people can't make balloons. Hot air balloons? Hang gliders? Nope! Fuck everyone's fun, in the name of Pastabagel and his FAA Regulations / Parenting for Dummies two-fer object thingy that people used to read before the days of instant gratification interglobal speculation wanktrains.
posted by rob paxon at 2:45 PM on October 15, 2009 [2 favorites]

Have you seen the videos posted at the huffingtonpost?

Potential for a storm you say? Looked like nothing but clear skies to me.

So you think they inflated it recently and just had it sitting in the backyard waiting for said storm to approcah? Sounds suspect to me.
posted by GrooveJedi at 2:45 PM on October 15, 2009

The fact that anyone is judging their character based on episodes of Wife Swap is pretty rich.

You know, you'd think that since this sentiment keeps cropping up the clearly misguided practice might, y'know, stop...
posted by setanor at 2:45 PM on October 15, 2009

c) Since the kid isn't in the balloon and there's no evidence that he fell out of the balloon, shouldn't the authorities be questioning the parents right about now?

umm. where do you think the parents are right now? following the story on Metafilter?
posted by Think_Long at 2:45 PM on October 15, 2009 [1 favorite]

From The National Safety Council:

“Drowning claims the lives of over 4,000 people every year. Although
all age groups are represented, children 0-4 have the highest death
rate due to drowning.”

“In 1998, 500 children under the age of five drowned. Most drowning
and near-drowning happen when a child falls into a pool or is left
alone in the bathtub.”

500 children drowned in tubs and back yard swimming pools in one year.

So. How many kids have died in backyard experimental balloon accidents?

Maybe 1.

That one kid must have tipped the scales for you in terms of outrage, is that it? you been saving it all up till now.

I look forward to the Mefi sponsored Anti-bath Tub, Swimming Pool and Experimental Back -yard Helium Balloon Law.

After all this Experimental Balloon holocaust must be stopped.
posted by tkchrist at 2:46 PM on October 15, 2009 [18 favorites]

The boy may be below the 50th percentile for weight, which is around 48 lbs in a 6yo. So he might be around 40 lbs. Add some shoes, a jacket, shirt and jeans. How much for the plywood and the balloon skin? Seems pretty easy for the whole thing to weigh more than 70 lbs. But maybe he's at the bottom of the growth charts and only weighs 35 lbs or something.

I really hope the boy is hiding somewhere.
posted by acoutu at 2:46 PM on October 15, 2009

Have the conspiracy theorists weighed in yet?
posted by jsavimbi at 2:46 PM on October 15, 2009

Let Wolfram Alpha do the work.
posted by scalefree at 2:46 PM on October 15, 2009

I don't think any of us know what it is like to be thrust into the center of media attention and have our lives examined in minute detail by thousands of people looking for something to blame.

I think many of us know what it's like to be a pitchforked villager, and from some of the comments, relish in it.
posted by danny the boy at 2:46 PM on October 15, 2009

The fact that anyone is judging their character based on episodes of Wife Swap is pretty rich.

I had no idea so many Mefites watched it.
posted by fire&wings at 2:47 PM on October 15, 2009 [4 favorites]

I'm thinking the only thing worse than the horror of wondering whether your child is alive or dead (and beating yourself up for any and every mistake you've ever made, legitimate or no) while searching, is to go through something of same while the entire world discusses what an idiot you are on the internet and nationally broadcast television.

I'm reserving judgement until this whole thing gets sorted, and crossing my fingers that everybody is okay.
posted by pazazygeek at 2:47 PM on October 15, 2009 [2 favorites]

And since his latest Wife Swap was with a "psychic" you have to wonder why he didn't get a warning about this happening.

Stay classy you Beautiful Child of God(tm).
posted by rob paxon at 2:47 PM on October 15, 2009

OH MY DEAR GOD YOU BOUGHT A CAR CAPABLE OF CARRYING A CHILD TO 140 MILES PER HOUR! AND LEFT IT IN YOUR DRIVEWAY

Yeah, but in fairness, I did lock the door, put a bear trap on the drivers seat, and surround it with anti-personnel mines.

If a kid can get through that, hotwire it (did I mention the lion in the back seat? Gotta get past that as well...) and get it out of my driveway, well that's one 6 year old who deserves a joyride.

*fingers still crossed that the kid's ok...*
posted by quin at 2:47 PM on October 15, 2009 [2 favorites]

BTW this has Halloween hoax written all over it. Now that's OUTRAGEOUS!
posted by tkchrist at 2:47 PM on October 15, 2009

The fact that anyone is judging their character based on episodes of Wife Swap is pretty rich.

I'm not judging their character based on the episodes of Wife Swap, I've never seen those episodes. I'm judging their character based on the fact that they actaully went on Wife Swap not once but twice. I'm judging their character based on the wacky videos and the dad's website.

Not to mention the crazy alien shit. The family is beyond weird. You don't have to agree, that's just my opinion.
posted by GrooveJedi at 2:48 PM on October 15, 2009 [1 favorite]

If I ever have to murder someone, I'm doing it in the most obscure way I can think of so tkchrist won't be outraged.
posted by furiousxgeorge at 2:49 PM on October 15, 2009 [1 favorite]

The fact that anyone is judging their character based on episodes of Wife Swap is pretty rich.

It's not that, it's their fucking hobbies.
posted by fixedgear at 2:49 PM on October 15, 2009

Not to mention the crazy alien shit.

If I were a kid, I'd like that so much more than all the other kids' parents and their crazy God shit.
posted by setanor at 2:49 PM on October 15, 2009 [2 favorites]

Local affiliate is showing a neighbor's footage of the balloon apparently soon after it launched. Terrible handheld camcorder stuff, can't make a hell of a lot out. I don't really see a basket, but who knows. Not sure if it's available anywhere.
posted by cortex at 2:49 PM on October 15, 2009

As to the parents responsibility: there is a concept in tort law that if you create or introduce a hazard, your duty of care with respect to that rises in proportion to the harm it can cause. In some contexts, where the harm is staggering (like transporting deadly poisons on a traincar), the duty of care becomes infinite, at which point if the harm is actualized, no argument about whether you met your duty of care is permitted and you are responsible simply by virtue of the harm being caused in fact.

If you build a fucking balloon capable of picking up a kid and lofting him 8000 ft into the air, we can argue that whatever the duty of care relating to minimizing the risk of harm from accidental balloon launch, we know that the parents didn't meet their duty of care simply by virtue of the fact that the kid suffered the harm.

I think you're mixing up strict liability doctrine (liability will be found if harm and causation are present, without assessment of breach) and the res ipsa doctrine (an evidentiary rule stating that breach will be considered proven for certain odd types of harm if causation can be demonstrated). In any case:

For a balloon capable of lifting 50 lbs 8000 ft in the air in contravention of FAA regulations, the duty of care is NOT TO BUILD THE FUCKING BALLOON IN THE FIRST PLACE.

... I don't see why that would be. It seems ordinary negligence analysis serves just fine here and there are many techniques short of complete avoidance that could easily prevent the harm, such as padlocking the thing to the ground and/or leaving it deflated when you weren't around, which could support a finding of breach-of-duty. No reason to get all strict liability on everyone.
posted by rkent at 2:49 PM on October 15, 2009

I assume there has to be a sequence of events that takes place PRIOR to lift-off, no? Is a 6 year old capable of doing all of that by himself?

My 6-year-old has demonstrated on several occasions that he is capable of initiating and supervising the full launch protocol for a helium balloon. He is, of course, a genius. But still.
posted by The World Famous at 2:50 PM on October 15, 2009 [8 favorites]

So they are kind of different? I haven't watched the (scripted) Wifeswap episodes but doesn't anybody think that it's kind of cool that this Dad does neat, sciencey stuff with his kids? Sure, a terrible accident may have happened but thousands of terrible accidents happen every day when the Dad is either not around, drunk in the basement or even the best, most aware, observant dad EVER. Shit happens, to good and bad parents. We are only seeing this one play out because of the odd-ness of the story multiplied by the slow news day, yada, yada, yada. I'd like to give the parents the benefit of the doubt until this is resolved. And he gets points from me from doing neat stuff and teaching his kids about his interests. I am really hoping for a good outcome but it's looking grim.
posted by pearlybob at 2:50 PM on October 15, 2009 [1 favorite]

Good to see CNN have their priorities back in order.
posted by setanor at 4:41 PM on October 15

Garth Brooks retired? Fuck Metafilter, all these hours wasted and you haven't kept me informed at all. I gotta rethink my priorities.

I am a hundred percent convinced this story is not what it seems, one way or another, and the truth will come out in time. I don't believe that balloon was ever capable of carrying a 6 year old boy and I'm certain it wasn't from the way it was flying in any of the videos I've seen so far. When I saw it show up on the news I knew it was the kind of story guaranteed to bring out ten kinds of stupid in Metafilter (parenting, weird lifestyles, reality television, and psuedoscience all rolled into one!) and wow, it did not disappoint.
posted by nanojath at 2:50 PM on October 15, 2009 [1 favorite]

Let Wolfram Alpha do the work

Done.
posted by Sticherbeast at 2:50 PM on October 15, 2009

Live stream is KDVR, linked upthread I think. Looping this little bit a bunch.
posted by cortex at 2:50 PM on October 15, 2009

umm. where do you think the parents are right now? following the story on Metafilter?

Hopefully answering officers' questions. Where do you think they are?
posted by GrooveJedi at 2:50 PM on October 15, 2009

It's not that, it's their fucking hobbies.

Not the hobbies as such, more the non-serious methodology used in the construction of the home studio in which the wife breaks out her 3 chord jams.
posted by fire&wings at 2:51 PM on October 15, 2009 [1 favorite]

pastabagel Are you seriously suggesting that the parents could or should have foreseen this event as a potential result of their avid interest in science & meteorology? You should be ashamed of yourself. Seriously, tort law for fucks sake! This is a horrible freak accident and nothing more. To suggest otherwise is despicable.
posted by aquathug at 2:51 PM on October 15, 2009 [3 favorites]

MetaFilter: guaranteed to bring out ten kinds of stupid
posted by Joe Beese at 2:52 PM on October 15, 2009 [4 favorites]

They've "activated the posse" apparently?
posted by setanor at 2:53 PM on October 15, 2009

Theresa, spokeswoman from Larimer County

"Posse activated. Using news helicopters to assist. Reverse 911 activated. SAR searching house to house east of the family's house."

She seemed dumbfounded. Lots of nervous laughter.
posted by zerobyproxy at 2:55 PM on October 15, 2009

Not to mention the crazy alien shit. The family is beyond weird. You don't have to agree, that's just my opinion.
posted by GrooveJedi

Well I can see why that means they murdered their child. Christ, man.
posted by rob paxon at 2:55 PM on October 15, 2009 [2 favorites]

"Posse activated. Using news helicopters to assist. Reverse 911 activated. SAR searching house to house east of the family's house."

Whoa. What?
posted by Sticherbeast at 2:57 PM on October 15, 2009

Richard Heene has been described by friends as a sort of "mad scientist."

Methinks he read too much of the Mad Scientists Club as a kid. I too wanted to build that flying saucer shaped helium balloon.
posted by nomisxid at 3:00 PM on October 15, 2009 [1 favorite]

Considering the interest MetaFilter's giving this story, I predict a member of this family will be the Republican Nominee for Vice President in 2012.

Yes, I'm commenting in this thread too. But I've openly admitted I'm evil!
posted by evilmidnightbomberwhatbombsatmidnight at 3:00 PM on October 15, 2009 [1 favorite]

Inevitable t-shirts
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 3:02 PM on October 15, 2009 [2 favorites]

Apparently, police now say there was no basket.
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 3:02 PM on October 15, 2009

Good to see CNN have their priorities back in order.

speaking of priorities ...

4 teens shot in Salinas, 1 fatally

Swine flu takes life of 5-year-old girl in San Diego

Oklahoma man arrested for killing 2-year-old

and, of course,

Pakistan bombing kills 40, including several school children

I'm not sure I want to be the asshole who makes this point, but why on earth does everyone care so much about this boy? No offense to family and friends.

STOP WATCHING CABLE TV
posted by mrgrimm at 3:02 PM on October 15, 2009 [5 favorites]

So, now they are saying on CNN that no basket was ever attached.

"Posse activated. Using news helicopters to assist. Reverse 911 activated. SAR searching house to house east of the family's house."

Possified.
posted by inconsequentialist at 3:03 PM on October 15, 2009 [1 favorite]

Inevitable t-shirts

I dunno, I'm confident in my ability to avoid those shirts. Bleah.
posted by Sticherbeast at 3:03 PM on October 15, 2009

Thus begins the possification of America.
posted by billysumday at 3:04 PM on October 15, 2009

The live feed just said "child has been located in Ft. Collins. Stand down search."
posted by OolooKitty at 3:04 PM on October 15, 2009

If you have a giant catapult in your backyard, please don't let your kids play around it. And disarm the trebuchet as well. Then, build a fence around the pool.
posted by longsleeves at 3:04 PM on October 15, 2009

Yeah, I should have said, "inevitably, t-shirts".
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 3:04 PM on October 15, 2009

STOP WATCHING CABLE TV

Um, I'm not? I have a tab loaded, as well as this one, while I'm doing a few hundred other things.

No, not a Tab.
posted by setanor at 3:04 PM on October 15, 2009

her with her home studio so she can record her generic and simplistic three-chord blues rock horseshit

you say that like it's a bad thing - what the fuck do you think rock and roll IS?
posted by pyramid termite at 3:05 PM on October 15, 2009

Weld County says "Stand down, stand down, child has been located in Fort Collins."
posted by harperpitt at 3:05 PM on October 15, 2009

Just over the police scanner, the child has been found in Ft. Collins. No word on his condition though.
posted by TungstenChef at 3:05 PM on October 15, 2009

He's at the house.
posted by Houstonian at 3:05 PM on October 15, 2009

Lots of commotion during this conference.

Boy located.
posted by setanor at 3:05 PM on October 15, 2009

Metafilter: THIS EXPERIMENTAL BALOON HOLOCAUST MUST BE STOPPED
posted by Extopalopaketle at 3:05 PM on October 15, 2009 [3 favorites]

ALIVE.
posted by MegoSteve at 3:05 PM on October 15, 2009

live stream: "HE'S BEEN LOCATED, HE'S ALIVE, HE'S AT THE HOUSE"
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 3:05 PM on October 15, 2009

Stand down? What, were people looking for the kid bearing assault rifles?
posted by billysumday at 3:06 PM on October 15, 2009

He's alive and at the house. Confirmed via KDvR livestreaming news.
posted by jaimev at 3:06 PM on October 15, 2009

He is apparently at the house. Wow.
posted by azpenguin at 3:06 PM on October 15, 2009 [1 favorite]

Another activated-posse success story.
posted by Joe Beese at 3:06 PM on October 15, 2009 [3 favorites]

Any word on how long he's going to be grounded for?
posted by elizardbits at 3:06 PM on October 15, 2009 [6 favorites]

No, not a Tab.

Pepsi Free?
posted by hifiparasol at 3:06 PM on October 15, 2009 [3 favorites]

All the media at the conference sound really, really angry at this news. "BUT WAS HE IN THE BASKET? OHHH, GEEEEZ..."
posted by setanor at 3:06 PM on October 15, 2009 [1 favorite]

Found at home safe!
posted by cosmac at 3:07 PM on October 15, 2009

OK. It's fine to joke about it now.
posted by idiomatika at 3:07 PM on October 15, 2009 [1 favorite]

on preview. Yay they found him in the house.
posted by Extopalopaketle at 3:07 PM on October 15, 2009

Good to hear he's alive.
posted by inconsequentialist at 3:07 PM on October 15, 2009

Well, unleash those jokes you've been holding back then maybe? We can all use some catharsis.
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 3:07 PM on October 15, 2009

Metafilter: Posse Activated
posted by The Whelk at 3:07 PM on October 15, 2009 [3 favorites]

BALLOON BOY IS THE GREATEST AMERICAN HERO
posted by Joe Beese at 3:08 PM on October 15, 2009 [12 favorites]

That is wonderful news.
posted by longsleeves at 3:08 PM on October 15, 2009

yeesh. that was more stressful than I'd normally expect.
posted by Lord_Pall at 3:08 PM on October 15, 2009

He was in the house?

Note to self: Begin committing crimes in Colorado.
posted by hifiparasol at 3:08 PM on October 15, 2009 [30 favorites]

Hey Falcon Imma let you finish but the Prodigal Son had the best family reunification story of all time. OF ALL TIME.
posted by billysumday at 3:09 PM on October 15, 2009 [13 favorites]

heh heh... the "Breaking News" on CNN's front page is:

Deputy: Object seen falling from balloon
posted by Joe Beese at 3:09 PM on October 15, 2009

He was in a box in the attic of the garage.
posted by setanor at 3:09 PM on October 15, 2009 [1 favorite]

OH MY GOD NOW THE HOUSE IS FLYING
posted by Sticherbeast at 3:09 PM on October 15, 2009 [41 favorites]

He was in a box, in the attic, in the garage. His parents didn't know.
posted by Houstonian at 3:09 PM on October 15, 2009

He's ALIVE!! CNN reporting.
posted by ramix at 3:09 PM on October 15, 2009

Boy alive!!
posted by zerobyproxy at 3:09 PM on October 15, 2009

TungstenChef: condition = spanked
posted by queensissy at 3:09 PM on October 15, 2009 [1 favorite]

Turns out, the kid had a backwards "B" carved into his cheek...
posted by billysumday at 3:10 PM on October 15, 2009 [7 favorites]

Yep.

MSNBC: "Colorado boy found safe in his house after runaway balloon chase, sheriff says."
posted by ericb at 3:10 PM on October 15, 2009

Any word on how long he's going to be grounded for?

12 years.
posted by mosk at 3:10 PM on October 15, 2009 [3 favorites]

He was hiding in a box in the attic. Jesus.
posted by scalefree at 3:10 PM on October 15, 2009

what I've learned from this thread: I'm glad a certain segment of you fuckers live nowhere close to me, granted I don't have a child but I don't think I could stand the withering scorn of having non-standard hobbies. Lord help us all if I actually ever have enough money and time to follow through on some really "deviant" ideas.
posted by edgeways at 3:10 PM on October 15, 2009 [7 favorites]

THE BOY IS HIDING FROM INSIDE THE HOUSE!
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 3:10 PM on October 15, 2009 [40 favorites]

Thank you God!! Now, as a mother, I would BEAT HIS ASS!!!!
posted by pearlybob at 3:10 PM on October 15, 2009

he's definitely grounded
posted by medium format at 3:11 PM on October 15, 2009 [6 favorites]

Cue Drew Curtis: It's not news, it's CNN Time-Filler.
posted by evilmidnightbomberwhatbombsatmidnight at 3:11 PM on October 15, 2009 [2 favorites]

It's amazing how that box attached to the balloon fell gently into the attic. Didn't anyone see the hole in the roof?
posted by MegoSteve at 3:11 PM on October 15, 2009 [2 favorites]

*Phew*

Now I can admit that I was thinking about what sort of odds Vegas would put up for fall vs. hide.

(My spread: -6.5 on hide)
posted by martens at 3:11 PM on October 15, 2009

What kind of parent allows open access to their garage attic?
posted by rob paxon at 3:11 PM on October 15, 2009 [4 favorites]

So he was in hidden in the house, yet his brother said he had seen Falcon get in the balloon and later fall out? Wonder what's up with the brother.
posted by dilettante at 3:11 PM on October 15, 2009 [1 favorite]

"...and when we say grounded, we mean GROUNDED."
posted by tzikeh at 3:12 PM on October 15, 2009 [4 favorites]

They traced the phone call. It is coming from inside the house!
posted by zerobyproxy at 3:12 PM on October 15, 2009 [1 favorite]

Now can we start making fun of the father? Not for having non-standard hobbies, but for this video in which he asks for video evidence that Hillary Clinton is a shape-shifting reptilian?
posted by condour75 at 3:12 PM on October 15, 2009 [2 favorites]

I laughed, I cried, I had my browser beachball multiple times because of the "new posts in this thread" greasemonkey script. 9/10.
posted by subbes at 3:12 PM on October 15, 2009 [3 favorites]

he's definitely grounded

Thread over. Medium Format wins. Further comments will not be counted towards your final score.
posted by Joey Michaels at 3:13 PM on October 15, 2009

On CNN's evening news wrap-up:

THE 2 1/2 HOURS WHEN AMERICA HELD ITS BREATH
posted by Joe Beese at 3:13 PM on October 15, 2009 [1 favorite]

That one kid must have tipped the scales for you in terms of outrage, is that it? you been saving it all up till now.

I look forward to the Mefi sponsored Anti-bath Tub, Swimming Pool and Experimental Back -yard Helium Balloon Law.

sure is odd how subjects like kids drowning in bathtubs, starving to death, dying of AIDS, etc etc etc never come up until there's an fpp about something like a boy and a runaway balloon

is there some kind of site rule that says we can't make fpps about such subjects but have to wait until something like this happens before we can mention it?

there must be - because if there isn't, then the lack of fpps on such subjects must mean that you aren't really sincere when you complain about our paying attention to this one

if you were REALLY concerned about kids drowning in bathtubs you'd have made an fpp about it, right?
posted by pyramid termite at 3:13 PM on October 15, 2009 [1 favorite]

Now the parents are faced with a real dilemma: will grounding Falcon lead to his eventual "pussification"?
posted by billysumday at 3:13 PM on October 15, 2009 [6 favorites]

What boy? What balloon? I only follow news stories about IMPORTANT THINGS on the TV I DON'T OWN
posted by notmydesk at 3:13 PM on October 15, 2009 [8 favorites]

Can we snark now?
posted by Cogito at 3:13 PM on October 15, 2009

BOY FOUND SAFE STOP RELEASE ASTRO ZOMBIE FOR MURDEROUS SARCASM STOP REPEAT RELEASE ASTRO ZOMBIE FOR MURDEROUS SARCASM FULL STOP
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 3:13 PM on October 15, 2009 [2 favorites]

YEAH MAYBE IF THE PARENTS DIDN'T SPEND SO MUCH TIME COLLECTING ATTIC BOXES INSTEAD OF PARENTING THIS NEVER WOULD HAVE HAPPENED SHAME SHAME SHAME
posted by hifiparasol at 3:13 PM on October 15, 2009 [12 favorites]

DAMMIT FLORENCE THOSE CAPS ARE MINE
posted by hifiparasol at 3:14 PM on October 15, 2009

Baloon boy is alive
posted by gagglezoomer at 3:14 PM on October 15, 2009

Of course the boy is alive. Reverse 911 was activated - from inside the house!
posted by panboi at 3:14 PM on October 15, 2009 [1 favorite]

They're gonna ground that pussy for not getting in the balloon like he was told to
posted by Sticherbeast at 3:15 PM on October 15, 2009 [8 favorites]

Told you so.
posted by fixedgear at 3:15 PM on October 15, 2009

WTF YOU GUYS ARE BOTH A WEEK EARLY FOR THIS SHIT
posted by elizardbits at 3:15 PM on October 15, 2009

Now we can get started on the other 2,099 kids who will disappear today.
posted by Joe Beese at 3:16 PM on October 15, 2009

"Alright, there's other news. Remember the healthcare reform?" - Jack Cafferty, CNN.
posted by kidsleepy at 3:16 PM on October 15, 2009 [2 favorites]

1,000 comments a year on Metafilter are more helpful to the generalized progress of human culture than one iota of thought about visitations from little green men.

Show me on the dolly where the little green man probed you.
posted by panboi at 3:16 PM on October 15, 2009 [1 favorite]

I'm not sure I want to be the asshole who makes this point, but why on earth does everyone care so much about this boy?

Because tomorrow there will be more child murders, and teen shootings, and deaths from influenza and bombings and war, just like there were a bunch yesterday

When was the last time a 6-year old child of UFO-freak parents going to take off flying over Colorado in a homemade storm-chasing balloon? I'll be very surprised if I see it more than once in my lifetime.
posted by magstheaxe at 3:16 PM on October 15, 2009 [11 favorites]

well, i'm glad the kid was found safe

poor kid - he's NEVER going to hear the last of it

"hey, how's the weather up there?"

"what's wrong, you feeling up in the air, today?"

etc etc etc
posted by pyramid termite at 3:17 PM on October 15, 2009

And now we're going to have to suffer through seeing him on every TV show in the world.

TV HOST: Were you scared of what mommy & daddy would do, is that why you hid?
FALCON: (NODS)
TV HOST: What's your punishment? Are you grounded?
FALCON: (NODS)
TV HOST: Are you ever going to do something like this again?
FALCON: (SHAKES HEAD)
ALL: (LAUGH)

Just shoot me now.
posted by scalefree at 3:17 PM on October 15, 2009 [33 favorites]

oh, yeah

"what's his favorite dead song?"

"in the attics of my flight"
posted by pyramid termite at 3:18 PM on October 15, 2009 [1 favorite]

THE FALCON IS GROUNDED...REPEAT...THE FALCON IS GROUNDED...
posted by quin at 3:18 PM on October 15, 2009 [2 favorites]

OMG, condour75 -- so you're saying that Richard Henne is actually Riley Martin?
posted by Madamina at 3:18 PM on October 15, 2009

Leave my zeppelin alone!
posted by ...possums at 3:18 PM on October 15, 2009

can we make jokes now?
posted by empath at 3:18 PM on October 15, 2009 [1 favorite]

Christ, I hid in boxes in the attic all the time when I was a boy. Did I ever get this kind of attention? No sir!
posted by maxwelton at 3:19 PM on October 15, 2009

So soon their going to roll out the pitch for a new "locate your child in your home" device, right?
posted by Lutoslawski at 3:19 PM on October 15, 2009

Man the news channels must just be delighted something like this actually happened today. People obviously aren't going to tune in for attacks in Pakistan or a UN debate on the Gaza report. I passed a TV earlier that had breaking news that a horse was stuck in a hole in the ground. I wish I was kidding.
posted by IanMorr at 3:19 PM on October 15, 2009

Almost 600 posts about a runaway balloon. Truly the best of the web.
posted by theCroft at 3:20 PM on October 15, 2009

All of the top 40 trending topics on Google are related to this with the excpetion of...

19. meghan mccain twitter photo
40. garth brooks out of retirement
posted by setanor at 3:20 PM on October 15, 2009 [1 favorite]

Yay, I was wrong, the police are just not very good at searching houses apparently.
posted by burnmp3s at 3:20 PM on October 15, 2009

Whackety - schmackety - doooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!
posted by porn in the woods at 3:20 PM on October 15, 2009 [5 favorites]

I kinda feel bad for the lyin' brother. I'm trying to imagine how this went down: they were horsing around in the back yard, playing with the ropes holding down the balloon, and it gets loose. The younger brother (maybe the one who was responsible for untying?) freaks out, and makes his older brother PROMISE to not tell Mom and Dad where he's hiding. The older brother.... is asked about the floating-away balloon, freezes (?), makes something up when asked.

Of course, I can't figure out how it works with going, finding a neighbor, and telling the neighbor. That just seems like an unbelievably malicious sort of lie to make up.

Or maybe they were just being stupid kids and let the balloon go to watch it fly away, and in the not-well-thought-out way that kids have, thought it would be funny to tell his neighbor that his brother was flying away with it. But then why would the 6-year-old hide for 2.5 hours? That's such a long time for a kid that young to hide, unless they fall asleep or are petrified of coming out and facing the music.

Strange, all around. I feel like it's not any of my business to know how, exactly, this happened, but I am really curious about what the explanation is.
posted by iminurmefi at 3:20 PM on October 15, 2009

What did Beyonce say to the parents of the 6 year old kid that flew away in a balloon?

If you liked it then you shoulda put a string on it
posted by idiopath at 3:20 PM on October 15, 2009 [52 favorites]

The search for him can't have been very thorough if he was in the attic the whole time.
posted by idiomatika at 3:21 PM on October 15, 2009 [2 favorites]

That was like 9/11 with an inflated wine bag and a happy ending. Thank for for the catharsis Falcon, goodbye England's Rose and never forget.
posted by fire&wings at 3:22 PM on October 15, 2009 [3 favorites]

So now their local FOX news is talking about how much of this effort will be paid for by the parents. Who has an idea about what this cost?
posted by Houstonian at 3:22 PM on October 15, 2009

Well I can see why that means they murdered their child. Christ, man.

What did you smoke for breakfast this morning? Where did I ever assert that they murdered their child? Christ, man.
posted by GrooveJedi at 3:23 PM on October 15, 2009

Almost 600 posts about a runaway balloon. Truly the best of the web.

And yet you posted here. It's time to take 'best of the web' up in a balloon and toss it out of the gondola
posted by fixedgear at 3:23 PM on October 15, 2009 [3 favorites]

I just checked MeFi and found this thread. And I admit, I page-downed to the bottom until I got to "boy found alive" before I read the rest of it. Real life needs a scroll bar.
posted by PontifexPrimus at 3:23 PM on October 15, 2009 [7 favorites]

it's plain to me that we have to ban 5th dimension records before the youth of our country are corrupted any further
posted by pyramid termite at 3:23 PM on October 15, 2009 [4 favorites]

I'm not sure I want to be the asshole who makes this point, but why on earth does everyone care so much about this boy?

Because it was happening live. Kinda unbelievable and tragic like the OJ car chase except we were all praying for a happy ending.
posted by cazoo at 3:24 PM on October 15, 2009 [1 favorite]

I want to believe.
posted by m0nm0n at 3:25 PM on October 15, 2009

A friend of a friend put on his Facebook page "I hope Fall Out Boy breaks up now."
posted by Skot at 3:25 PM on October 15, 2009 [3 favorites]

At least his parents didn't name him Icarus.
posted by ...possums at 3:25 PM on October 15, 2009 [4 favorites]

Take two: I want to believe.
posted by m0nm0n at 3:26 PM on October 15, 2009 [3 favorites]

Grounded? That kid just got his Dad a million plus hits on his website and made his family world famous.
posted by GrooveJedi at 3:26 PM on October 15, 2009 [2 favorites]

They're gonna ground that pussy for not getting in the balloon like he was told to

It gets in the balloon - or it gets the hose.
posted by panboi at 3:26 PM on October 15, 2009 [2 favorites]

Wow ya'll, seriously?
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 3:27 PM on October 15, 2009

You keep busy with your balloon/kid distraction.

I'm looking for the Army of the Twelve Monkeys.
posted by mazola at 3:27 PM on October 15, 2009 [4 favorites]

Seriously took his parents and the cops this many hours to check the attic? I can hear every criminal in America starting their cars up and heading to Fort Collins right now.
posted by GrooveJedi at 3:28 PM on October 15, 2009 [2 favorites]

I found my thrill on Blueberry Hill.
posted by setanor at 3:28 PM on October 15, 2009 [1 favorite]

Wow ya'll, seriously?

Nah. Not serious.
posted by The World Famous at 3:28 PM on October 15, 2009

Can we now start calling him Attic Boy?
posted by The Deej at 3:28 PM on October 15, 2009 [2 favorites]

Now that Truman has walked out the door, we can all applaud, wipe away a few tears, and see what else is on.
posted by Joey Michaels at 3:29 PM on October 15, 2009 [2 favorites]

When I was a child The Red Balloon was my friend.
posted by twoleftfeet at 3:29 PM on October 15, 2009

Wife Swap called us. (true story) They wanted a family with an overachieving national ice princess (which they mistakenly IDd my kid as) to pair up with god knows what kind of family. THEY PAY $20,000 TO MAKE YOU LOOK LIKE FOOLS FOR A WEEK. Me, I am happy to look like a fool for free, but that's a pretty nice paycheck. This guy has an expensive hobby. Don't like the show? Don't watch it.
posted by nax at 3:29 PM on October 15, 2009 [4 favorites]

*clicks "remove from activity"*
posted by shmegegge at 3:29 PM on October 15, 2009

Twitter gold part deux: Yo #BalloonBoy, I'm a let u finish, but Anne Frank had the best attic hideout spot of all time
posted by fixedgear at 3:29 PM on October 15, 2009 [32 favorites]

You know when I was a kid we where too poor to fly away in a balloon.
posted by johnj at 3:29 PM on October 15, 2009 [1 favorite]

Hiding in the attic? Balloon-based escape attempts? So, I'm guessing this kid's personal hero is George Bluth. Next he'll be sending one of his brothers to prison in his place.

I'M RYO

DOT COM
posted by hifiparasol at 3:30 PM on October 15, 2009 [5 favorites]

Wow, who would have guessed this story was not what it seemed?

I'm hoping the kid isn't really inside it. Maybe he untethered it and hid and hid somewheres.
posted by bonobothegreat at 2:11 PM on October 15 [+] [!]

I mean, besides bonobo, me and the rest of the geniuses here...
posted by nanojath at 3:30 PM on October 15, 2009

HA HA HE SURE GOT YOU ALL GOING
posted by GuyZero at 3:31 PM on October 15, 2009 [1 favorite]

That kid made us look like FOOLS!

LET'S GET HIM!
posted by mazola at 3:32 PM on October 15, 2009 [4 favorites]

hey guys did you hear about that kid in the balloon it was on the news just now
posted by The Winsome Parker Lewis at 3:32 PM on October 15, 2009 [7 favorites]

Let's burn down the news stations so this can never happen again!
posted by never used baby shoes at 3:33 PM on October 15, 2009 [10 favorites]

So now their local FOX news is talking about how much of this effort will be paid for by the parents.

Apart from the obvious irresponsibility of having a large balloon like this where a kid could reach it, I honestly hope the amount they are expected to pay is pretty close to zero. If this had been a publicity stunt, or some guy recklessly ignoring "Do Not Climb This Mountain" signs, that'd be one thing, but a kid made a mistake and I'm of the mind that the parents shouldn't be bankrupted as a result.

Even as weird and dysfunctional as they may seem.

It's one of the reasons I like having a government. To step up and use resources to save people just because that is what they are supposed to do. It's one of the reasons I willingly and uncomplainingly pay my taxes; because one day I might be stuck in a runaway balloon, and I'd like to know that people were doing everything possible to get me down, regardless of the cost.
posted by quin at 3:33 PM on October 15, 2009 [14 favorites]

Man, this really validates pinning down the parents as indulgent douchebags worthy of heaping scorn and disgust, for sure.
posted by setanor at 3:33 PM on October 15, 2009 [1 favorite]

The Falcon and the D'Oh!man.
posted by kirkaracha at 3:34 PM on October 15, 2009

Thank you God!! Now, as a mother, I would BEAT HIS ASS!!!!

FALCON PUNCH!
posted by clearly at 3:34 PM on October 15, 2009 [6 favorites]

Inevitable t-shirts

Air Whale?

And now we're going to have to suffer through seeing him on every TV show in the world.

Alfred Jenkins: To my right, Heisman Trophy winner Doug Flutie of Boston College.
...
Doug Flutie: Now for the rest of my life, what's going to happen? That was my moment in the sun. My moment in the sun was not even my moment...

Falcon Heene: You're telling me. I just untied a big balloon and hid in the attic. In a box! Not even a cabinet, or a closet. A box!
posted by filthy light thief at 3:35 PM on October 15, 2009

This is a teachable moment. Next week, that kid really is going to get carried away by a balloon, and NOBODY WILL BELIEVE HIM.
posted by bicyclefish at 3:35 PM on October 15, 2009 [6 favorites]

So he was in hidden in the house, yet his brother said he had seen Falcon get in the balloon and later fall out? Wonder what's up with the brother.

Certainly gives a little support to the idea that it was a planned hoax by the parents.

Boy, I'm sure glad the kid is OK, so I don't look like asshole supreme.

Because tomorrow there will be more child murders, and teen shootings, and deaths from influenza and bombings and war, just like there were a bunch yesterday

I sure hope there aren't a bunch of bombings and child murders tomorrow.
posted by mrgrimm at 3:36 PM on October 15, 2009

Kid just needed a day to himself in a box in the attic. Years ago I asked one of my kids what he wanted for xmas, he said a box to sit in, I got it for him.
posted by mareli at 3:36 PM on October 15, 2009 [4 favorites]

What's got silky white hair, was a gift to the King of Spain and hides in a box?
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 3:36 PM on October 15, 2009

Who has an idea about what this cost?

Not to mention that the Denver airport shutdown flights with a northward path duirng the ordeal.
posted by ericb at 3:37 PM on October 15, 2009 [2 favorites]

Also when they found him he had the head of the Jebediah Springfield statue
posted by hifiparasol at 3:37 PM on October 15, 2009 [1 favorite]

When I was a child The Red Balloon was my friend.

My red balloon was a bit different...
posted by ALongDecember at 3:38 PM on October 15, 2009

What did you smoke for breakfast this morning? Where did I ever assert that they murdered their child? Christ, man.
posted by GrooveJedi

Somewhere between your twisted "blame the parents" and "suspect the parents" logics my obviously pitiful brain put that thought together.
posted by rob paxon at 3:38 PM on October 15, 2009

Honestly I can't believe people thought that thing would carry a child. Did no one see how many freaking balloons it took the Mythbusters to lift a four-year-old girl?
posted by nanojath at 3:38 PM on October 15, 2009 [5 favorites]

Now that the boy has been found safe, thank God, we can hopefully deal with the important questions raised by this episode:

1. Which TV host will claim the "get" ?

2. How much will their network pay for it?

3. Who will represent the family in the negotiations?
posted by Joe Beese at 3:38 PM on October 15, 2009

No DUH, it is scripted -- but no one can MAKE you act like a dick in front of a camera. That he CHOSE to go on the show and behave that way is what makes him an ass.
posted by jfwlucy at 3:38 PM on October 15, 2009 [2 favorites]

Would anyone care to guess at the cost of helium to fill that thing? My maths isn't that great, but I do know the stuff leaks fast. Seems odd to fill it and wander off.
posted by Leon at 3:38 PM on October 15, 2009

Harrumph.
posted by loquacious at 3:39 PM on October 15, 2009

I'm just thankful that 24 hour cable news did not exist when my sisters and I were kids. Potential CNN news tickers...

"Investigators looking for the real consumer of the Pringles from the empty can that mysteriously appeared in the room of a seven year old this week..."

"Girl throws goat bell at sister, chips her tooth, film at 11..."

"Five year old draws circus on backside of three year old with ball point pen, authorities investigating..."
posted by jeanmari at 3:39 PM on October 15, 2009 [5 favorites]

CHOSE to go on the show and behave that way is what makes him an ass

Yeah, collecting $20,000 in a week for your family of 5 during a global recession is such an assholish thing to do. He should have thought of how he'd come off to you first.
posted by setanor at 3:39 PM on October 15, 2009 [5 favorites]

Not to mention that the Denver airport shutdown flights with a northward path duirng the ordeal.

Lawnchair balloon guy got a $1500 fine from the FAA. So they should be watching out for that bill at least.
posted by smackfu at 3:39 PM on October 15, 2009

I will not release a helium balloon, hide in the attic and cause international-level panic.
I will not release a helium balloon, hide in the attic and cause international-level panic.
I will not release a helium balloon, hide in the attic and cause international-level panic.
I will not release a helium balloon, hide in the attic and cause international-level panic.
I will not release a helium balloon, hide in the attic and cause international-level panic.
I will not release a helium balloon, hide in the attic and cause international-level panic.
I will not release a helium balloon, hide in the attic and cause international-level panic.
I will not release a helium balloon, hide in the attic and cause international-level panic.
posted by jimmythefish at 3:39 PM on October 15, 2009 [23 favorites]

Seems odd to fill it and wander off.

Apparently they were all out in the yard working on it just then, had gone inside (or somewhere else) and that was when the 2 brothers mischiefized the whole situation.
posted by setanor at 3:40 PM on October 15, 2009

I will only release another experimental helium balloon to get media attention for daddy once this has simmered down a little.
I will only release another experimental helium balloon to get media attention for daddy once this has simmered down a little.
I will only release another experimental helium balloon to get media attention for daddy once this has simmered down a little.
I will only release another experimental helium balloon to get media attention for daddy once this has simmered down a little.
I will only release another experimental helium balloon to get media attention for daddy once this has simmered down a little.
I will only release another experimental helium balloon to get media attention for daddy once this has simmered down a little.
I will only release another experimental helium balloon to get media attention for daddy once this has simmered down a little.
I will only release another experimental helium balloon to get media attention for daddy once this has simmered down a little.
posted by clearly at 3:42 PM on October 15, 2009 [5 favorites]

It just landed!
posted by granted at 3:42 PM on October 15, 2009 [2 favorites]

he could start a rock band - badly flown boy
posted by pyramid termite at 3:42 PM on October 15, 2009 [1 favorite]

Rocky Mountain Not-So-High
posted by scody at 3:42 PM on October 15, 2009 [1 favorite]

I honestly hope the amount they are expected to pay is pretty close to zero.

I agree with this; the cost is going to be enormous, and the family would be forced into bankruptcy. However, I do hope that someone (Child Protective Services or whatnot) checks in with that family at least once to make sure everything is OK there. That they take their children with them while chasing tornadoes is troubling.
posted by Houstonian at 3:43 PM on October 15, 2009

fucking sprint card
posted by granted at 3:44 PM on October 15, 2009 [4 favorites]

I wonder if he was hiding in an experimental child-holding box in that attic. What a way to introduce a new and desperately-needed product to the world!
posted by m0nm0n at 3:44 PM on October 15, 2009

Did no one see how many freaking balloons it took the Mythbusters to lift a four-year-old girl?

OK Honey, I know you're only 3, but you do want to be in the Guinness Book of Records don't you? So just jump in the basket for daddy while he cuts the string.......
posted by panboi at 3:46 PM on October 15, 2009

I think it's safe to say we'd all have enjoyed this a lot more if it had been a Calvin & Hobbes arc. Hiding in a box fits it kind of perfectly.
posted by cortex at 3:47 PM on October 15, 2009 [18 favorites]

The irony of all this is that the Hennes usually punish their children by placing them in giant runaway balloons.
posted by hifiparasol at 3:47 PM on October 15, 2009 [7 favorites]

Does Hallmark make a "Thanks for nothing, dumbass" card we can send to the people who reported seeing something fall from the balloon?
posted by Joe Beese at 3:47 PM on October 15, 2009 [3 favorites]

I think it's safe to say we'd all have enjoyed this a lot more if it had been a Calvin & Hobbes arc. Hiding in a box fits it kind of perfectly.

The balloon was just a diversion from the trip he took in the time machine in the attic!
posted by setanor at 3:48 PM on October 15, 2009 [2 favorites]

Now that this is all over, I'm going to plot out a backyard experiment with the kids, wherein we fill up helium balloons, tie them to things, and see if they float or not. What could go wrong?
posted by davejay at 3:48 PM on October 15, 2009

The boy should be required to write a note of apology to everyone in the posse.
posted by Joe Beese at 3:49 PM on October 15, 2009 [1 favorite]

Man, the reputation of that shady foreign porn site is going to be forever tainted
posted by setanor at 3:49 PM on October 15, 2009 [6 favorites]

Liberal Arts College Application, 2021:

"Grand Master Hide and Seek Champion, 5-7 year-old class".
posted by amelioration at 3:49 PM on October 15, 2009 [16 favorites]

Somewhere between your twisted "blame the parents" and "suspect the parents" logics my obviously pitiful brain put that thought together.

Talk to me after the parents land a book deal, an Oprah Winfrey interview and a half hour on Larry King not to mention every other Cable News Network clamoring (and paying large sums of money) for an interview. But hey, they're all innocent, right?

By the way, that 6 year old climbed up into the attic all by himself?

Right.
posted by GrooveJedi at 3:49 PM on October 15, 2009 [2 favorites]

fwiw the site was already pretty thoroughly tainted

IYKWIM
posted by cortex at 3:50 PM on October 15, 2009

By the way, that 6 year old climbed up into the attic all by himself?

You know, the dad being so crafty and all, I think he might have developed some means of ascending to upper levels inside homes un-aided!
posted by setanor at 3:51 PM on October 15, 2009 [6 favorites]

When was the last time a 6-year old child of UFO-freak parents going to take off flying over Colorado in a homemade storm-chasing balloon? I'll be very surprised if I see it more than once in my lifetime.

Well, you haven't even seen it once.
posted by Jaltcoh at 3:51 PM on October 15, 2009 [1 favorite]

GrooveJedi: "By the way, that 6 year old climbed up into the attic all by himself?"

WAKE UP SHEEPLE!

RON PAUL HAS THE ANSWER!
posted by Joe Beese at 3:51 PM on October 15, 2009 [3 favorites]

Pastabagel, I'm going to assume and give you the benefit of the doubt that you were not choosing your words carefully. Therefore, I will respond to your assertions one more time.

Playing guitar is a hobby. Tinkering is a hobby.

Building a studio to play pretend-recording-star in is not a hobby. Building a giant UFO, calling yourself a storm chaser, and spending countless hours writing about "psyience" and UFOs is not a hobby. They are selfish and gross indulgences. They represent a complete lack of humility, precisely the kind of shamelessness and ignorant pride that TV loves.

[insert about 15 comments telling you how that's a fucked up generalization]

Oh, relax, I wasn't talking about you.

That's condescending. Of course you were not talking TO me, but you said, quoted above, that building a studio to play pretend-recording-star is not a hobby. That is precisely what I, and many others in this thread, and countless others on MeFiMu and around the whole freaking world, do regularly. We like playing pretend-recording-star. We like building in-home studios. We like recording music and sharing it, even though we aren't huge celebrities. So yes, you are talking ABOUT us, if not TO us. That does not invalidate the reaction to your comment, which I was not the only one to express.

There is something decidedly non-serious about this family and how it pursues its interests. If you can't see the difference between what they are doing and how they are showing it off, and how someone else might record a song and put it on Mefi music, well, I don't know what to tell you. In my mind the difference is staggering.



That's great in your mind. Personally, I do not feel that I am adequately prepared with the information required to judge this family, or their level of "seriousness" with regards to their hobbies, specifically the music recording hobby. I don't know the difference between what the wife likes to do in her studio and what folks over at MeFiMu do, because I don't know her and have not heard her music. Apparently you do know her, otherwise I would be under the creeping suspicion that you are talking out of your ass. Please feel free to elaborate and prove me wrong, or to simply apologize for your pig-headed blanket assertion that pissed off quite a few commenters in this thread.
posted by lazaruslong at 3:51 PM on October 15, 2009 [7 favorites]

I think we can all be glad the contraption took off from Fort Collins, CO, instead of say Hoboken, NJ.
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 3:53 PM on October 15, 2009

This is a teachable moment. Next week, that kid really is going to get carried away by a balloon, and NOBODY WILL BELIEVE HIM.

The Boy Who Cried WHOOSH!
posted by robocop is bleeding at 3:53 PM on October 15, 2009 [7 favorites]

It looked like he didn't go anywhere, but on his camera was 12 hours of static
posted by setanor at 3:54 PM on October 15, 2009 [30 favorites]

You mean I kept launching peanut butter sandwiches into the air for nothing?
posted by mazola at 3:54 PM on October 15, 2009 [6 favorites]

So it was a hot air balloon after all!
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 3:55 PM on October 15, 2009 [1 favorite]

NBC Nightly News just reported that the father and Falcon were in the backyard at around 11:00 a.m. working on the balloon. It was the father who called news stations to get their help with their helicopters because he thought that Falcon may have somehow crawled inside the balloon. No mention of the brother running inside and/or to a neighhbor. The father appears to be the source of the "boy on-board" detail.
posted by ericb at 3:57 PM on October 15, 2009

To put it another way, if there is a "difference in your mind" that would recast your comment as something other than marginalizing people that like to record music in their homes instead of just "playing the guitar", you may want to express that difference in your original comment so that others understand it.

And when others react to that comment, without your mystically explicatory inner-monologue included, you may want to choose words other than a perfunctory "Oh relax" to assuage the negative reaction. We are not mind readers.
posted by lazaruslong at 3:57 PM on October 15, 2009

Letting the family balloon escape and hiding in the attic?

That's a paddlin'.
posted by tommasz at 3:57 PM on October 15, 2009 [7 favorites]

Christ, I hid in boxes in the attic all the time when I was a boy. Did I ever get this kind of attention? No sir!

I tried hiding a few times when I was little - no one came looking for me so I gave it up.
posted by The Light Fantastic at 3:57 PM on October 15, 2009 [1 favorite]

NBC Nightly News just reported that the father and Falcon were in the backyard at around 11:00 a.m. working on the balloon. It was the father who called news stations to get their help with their helicopters because he thought that Falcon may have somehow crawled inside the balloon. No mention of the brother running inside and/or to a neighhbor. The father appears to be the source of the "boy on-board" detail.

STILL NOT SUSPICIOUS IN THE SLIGHTEST THOUGH! :)
posted by GrooveJedi at 3:59 PM on October 15, 2009

You mean I kept launching peanut butter sandwiches into the air for nothing?

so that's why the crows keep banging their beaks against the sidewalk ...
posted by pyramid termite at 3:59 PM on October 15, 2009

I just checked MeFi and found this thread. And I admit, I page-downed to the bottom until I got to "boy found alive" before I read the rest of it. Real life needs a scroll bar.
posted by PontifexPrimus at 6:23 PM on October 15

page-up page-up page-up

I am entering the digital transmodulation node, preparing for the matter-to-signal conversion. I realize I have left my Kindle near the ionizer. I go in to get it, and the door locks behind me. For the last time in my life, I feel fear.

page-down page-down page-down

I am building a Mylar balloon to be filled with helium.

page-down page-down page-down

It turns out he was in the attic the whole time.

page-down page-down page-down

I am reading the final Harry Potter book. I wish I could say I am surprised at Hermione's sudden death, but I am not.
posted by mccarty.tim at 3:59 PM on October 15, 2009 [3 favorites]

I like playing music. I like wiring things together. Building a recording studio would be a perfect hobby for me. I just need somewhere to build it, like a basement or inside a giant helium balloon^1,.

Anyway, here's my "everybody's behaving like kids/adults do" take on this:

1. Parents leave half-inflated balloon in the backyard with their kids, and (for the upteenth time) tell 'em not to touch it, then leave the 6-year-old in the care of his older brother;
2. The older brother sees the 6-year-old playing around the balloon, but is not paying attention, off doing his own thing;
3. The 6-year-old is crawling around it, and it launches. 6-year-old runs screaming to the attic, because he doesn't want to get punished;
4. Older brother comes running at the cry, sees the balloon fly off, and can't find the 6-year-old. He panics because his dad's balloon is gone and so is his brother, and (since he's not standing there doing equations in his head) it is absolutely reasonable to assume his brother was in the balloon;
5. Panicked older brother doesn't want to call his parents, because losing your little brother is just about the worst thing that could happen (and the balloon, too), so he runs to a neighbor and tries to get help finding his brother and getting the balloon back before his parents find out;
6. Neighbor calls the police, and off we go.


¹there is precedent for this; where do you think Alvin and the Chipmunks recorded?
posted by davejay at 4:00 PM on October 15, 2009 [5 favorites]

That man couldn't Science Detective his way into a cardboard box.
posted by Sys Rq at 4:00 PM on October 15, 2009

Possification
Pontification
Pussification

This thread has it all.
posted by CynicalKnight at 4:01 PM on October 15, 2009 [2 favorites]

Found on another site
posted by mr_crash_davis mark II: Jazz Odyssey at 4:01 PM on October 15, 2009 [7 favorites]

BREAKING FUCKING NEWS

The father, Richard Heene, has authored two VHS videos for children.

The videos are called.

...

Are you ready?

BOX TIME.
posted by East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94 at 4:01 PM on October 15, 2009 [15 favorites]

Okay, fess up. How many of you were amazed by just how much the video feed looked like a scene from a circa-1980 UFO movie? Just me?
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 4:02 PM on October 15, 2009

Heh.

Millions of Americans Waste Entire Fucking Afternoon

COLORADO (The Borowitz Report) - Moments after a little boy who was believed to be in his parents' homemade helium balloon was found safe and sound, millions of Americans came to the realization that they had flushed the entire fucking afternoon down the fucking toilet.

"I watched the entire drama unfold and then it turned out that no drama had unfolded," said Carol Foyler, 32, of Missoula, Montana. "I can't tell you how pissed I am at that fucking kid."

At their Colorado home, the parents of six-year-old Falcon Heene said that they were relieved that their son was all right and that they were pushing forward with their plans to build a giant child-operated flame-throwing robot.
posted by jokeefe at 4:03 PM on October 15, 2009 [18 favorites]

in retrospect, it's completely hilarious that all of america thought they were watching him float away in a balloon when the whole time he was hiding in a box in the attic shitting himself. I wonder if he went there immediately or only after he realized the media was getting involved. It's such perfect kid logic, from "they think I'm in the balloon, OH SHIT I'M GONNA GET IN SO MUCH TROUBLE" to "they think I'm in the balloon....SO IF I JUST HIDE IN A BOX IN THE ATTIC THEY'LL NEVER FIND ME!!"
posted by granted at 4:03 PM on October 15, 2009 [1 favorite]

You know, the dad being so crafty and all, I think he might have developed some means of ascending to upper levels inside homes un-aided!

Oh really? What, did he construct some magical wooden stepped apparatus and just "walked" up there did he? Maybe he's also responsible for those "magic" boxes that go up and down buildings by just pressing a button.
posted by panboi at 4:03 PM on October 15, 2009 [1 favorite]

This thread is like a fractal.
posted by The Whelk at 4:04 PM on October 15, 2009 [6 favorites]

1) Cut a hole in a box
2) Put yourself in that box
3) Make the world believe you're helplessly floating across the sky

And that's the way you do it.
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 4:05 PM on October 15, 2009 [17 favorites]

GrooveJedi, I know a certain IRC channel that has recently lost its resident nutcase conspiracy theorist. Let me know if you're interested in the position.
posted by rob paxon at 4:06 PM on October 15, 2009

Bradford, Ryo and Falcon Heene: That's awesome that the parents let Sarah Palin name their kids.
posted by Frank Grimes at 4:06 PM on October 15, 2009 [5 favorites]

Right, because publicity stunts and/or hoaxes never actually happen in real life, that's all conspiracy.
posted by GrooveJedi at 4:07 PM on October 15, 2009

hums softly: ninety-nine luftballoons, la la la la falcon's hiding...
posted by fixedgear at 4:08 PM on October 15, 2009

Exclusive interview with Falcon
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 4:08 PM on October 15, 2009 [1 favorite]

He's not grounded. "We don't think like that."
posted by Houstonian at 4:09 PM on October 15, 2009

"We don't think like that."

what do they think like?
posted by pyramid termite at 4:10 PM on October 15, 2009

HERMIONE DIES?!
posted by heyho at 4:10 PM on October 15, 2009 [3 favorites]

Fast? That Falcon made the Kessel Run in less than 12 parsecs.
posted by Astro Zombie at 4:10 PM on October 15, 2009 [1 favorite]

i think falcon is a pretty cool guy, eh flies around in balloons and doesn't afraid of anything.
posted by booticon at 4:11 PM on October 15, 2009 [3 favorites]

Wasn't this whole event a minor subplot in 12 Monkeys?
posted by Dr-Baa at 4:13 PM on October 15, 2009

1) Family has a history of seeking publicity and/or fame and money.

2) Dad creates children's videos about making a playhouse out of a cardboard box.

3) Helium filled balloon 'accidentally' gets launched and Dad calls the news media claiming his kid might be inside it.

3) Nobody (including the creator of the cardboard box videos) thinks to check the cardboard box in the attic to see if the kid is hiding in it.

4) America buys it, hook line and sinker

5) Media complicit as to hide their own incompetence in the entire matter.

6) Everyone shouts conspiracy as soon as someone points out the obvious.

7) Heene family sings cha-ching all the way to the bank.

Ahh well, back to work :)
posted by GrooveJedi at 4:13 PM on October 15, 2009 [9 favorites]

I'm the boy in the box
Hiding in the attic
Won't you come and save me (save me)

Feed on my lies (can you do the math?)
Search the skies (find your brother)
He who denies (STFU)
Will be vilified (what if it was your child?)

I'm the dad on TV
Paid to act like shit
Won't you turn the channel (channel)

Feed on my lies (can you pay the bills?)
Search the skies (find the saucers)
Swapping of wives (DTMFA)
Will get you vilified (but we got to make the balloon payments)
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 4:15 PM on October 15, 2009 [1 favorite]

So the song is now "99 luftatticboxes?"
posted by Astro Zombie at 4:15 PM on October 15, 2009 [5 favorites]

Tonight, we all created a panic while hiding in the attic. I will never forget where I was when I found out he was in a box the whole time.

This calls for t-shirts and commemorative plates. And, yes, novelty balloons.
posted by mccarty.tim at 4:16 PM on October 15, 2009

BUILD IT! ITÜS FUN!
posted by East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94 at 4:16 PM on October 15, 2009

Oh man. I just saw a kid fly overhead strapped to a kite and about 30 chickens.
posted by Astro Zombie at 4:17 PM on October 15, 2009 [21 favorites]

Higgs Boson made him do it.
posted by qvantamon at 4:19 PM on October 15, 2009 [7 favorites]

If this ever comes up again, we should send this guy to take care of it.
posted by Astro Zombie at 4:20 PM on October 15, 2009

So, this is where you guys have all been hanging out today ...

I am not yet sure what could possibly have generated 720 comments involving this story, but about to find out ...
posted by krinklyfig at 4:22 PM on October 15, 2009 [1 favorite]

SPOILER ALERT
posted by mrgrimm at 4:23 PM on October 15, 2009

HERMIONE DIES?!

Yes, Dumbledore killed her. He was Voldemort all along.
posted by acb at 4:24 PM on October 15, 2009 [2 favorites]

Hi, big fan of pastabagel here, with a defense: I think the point is, if they were excellent and attentive parents and so on, the home recording studio wouldn't be a negative. Because they appear to have their priorities dreadfully out of whack, it becomes a negative.

There is really no defense. There is no way to know anything about their parenting based on a few little clips. My experience is that parents who are really into hobbies often involve their children in them and spend a lot of time with them anyway.

The idea that you could declare these people "bad parents" based on the fact they have hobbies they are really into is insane.

There is something decidedly non-serious about this family and how it pursues its interests. -- Pastabagel.

Oh no! Not Non-serious!??!!?

Fucking ridiculous.

Wasn't this whole event a minor subplot in 12 Monkeys?

Yes, except it was a well, not a balloon. I don't think any film maker would include something like this in a movie because people just wouldn't believe it.
posted by delmoi at 4:26 PM on October 15, 2009 [1 favorite]

Balloon Boy is watching you snark.
posted by panboi at 4:28 PM on October 15, 2009 [1 favorite]

Wasn't this whole event a minor subplot in 12 Monkeys?

Yes, except it was a well, not a balloon. I don't think any film maker would include something like this in a movie because people just wouldn't believe it.

And if there's one thing consistent about Terry Gilliam, it's his total commitment to realism in film.
posted by The World Famous at 4:30 PM on October 15, 2009 [5 favorites]

MSNBC Breaking News: "During his time in the attic, "balloon boy" Falcon Heene says he played with toys & took a nap. He got up because he was bored."
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 4:30 PM on October 15, 2009 [8 favorites]

HERMIONE DIES?!

Yes, Dumbledore killed her. He was Voldemort all along.

No fucking way. DAMNit.
posted by heyho at 4:30 PM on October 15, 2009

Tie kits to chickens... how ridiculous!

The real fun is when you can get a remote control plane attached!
posted by gomichild at 4:30 PM on October 15, 2009

Speaking of Terry Gilliam, doesn't he have a film coming out, too?

What do you want to bet we'll see a couple of Jiffy-Pop UFOs floating around Colin Farrell?
posted by setanor at 4:31 PM on October 15, 2009

*kites dammit
posted by gomichild at 4:32 PM on October 15, 2009

It's pretty ridiculous indeed to tie your kit to a chicken.
posted by setanor at 4:32 PM on October 15, 2009

The father, Richard Heene, has authored two VHS videos for children.

Actually, Richard Alan Heene is an actor who appears in those videos. Do we know for sure that it's the same Richard Heene?
posted by ericb at 4:33 PM on October 15, 2009

Oh man. I just saw a kid fly overhead strapped to a kite and about 30 chickens.

Look, I want to make it clear that my kite/chicken hypothetical is not even remotely possible. It can not and will not happen.

Not because of the talons and beaks, as suggested, and not because of lack of means or motive: there are kites, there are kids, and there are chickens. It's because I haven't managed to get the kids to learn to tie their shoes yet.
posted by padraigin at 4:34 PM on October 15, 2009 [1 favorite]

And if there's one thing consistent about Terry Gilliam, it's his total commitment to realism in film

The 8 Bush years made me think Brazil was prescient in some ways.
posted by edgeways at 4:34 PM on October 15, 2009 [4 favorites]

NBC Nightly News just reported that the father and Falcon were in the backyard at around 11:00 a.m. working on the balloon

Dad: "I said 'LUNCH' not 'LAUNCH'!"
posted by mazola at 4:35 PM on October 15, 2009 [1 favorite]

Oh, wait, a hold it. It is the same Richard Heene!

"Box Time #2 Fire Truck [VHS] - VHS Tape (Dec 19, 2000) -- Starring Richard Heene and Mayumi Heene"
posted by ericb at 4:35 PM on October 15, 2009 [1 favorite]

Oh man. I just saw a kid fly overhead strapped to a kite and about 30 chickens.

kid, we said BUCKET of cocks, not JUNKET of cocks ...
posted by pyramid termite at 4:35 PM on October 15, 2009 [1 favorite]

It can't be Higgs boson as something from the future is holding that back.
posted by caddis at 4:36 PM on October 15, 2009

Somewhere there's a grown adult American who missed his chance to Waste His Entire Fucking Afternoon ... due to the fact that he was chilling out in a box in the attic.

That poor man has not even heard of balloon boy.
posted by mannequito at 4:36 PM on October 15, 2009 [1 favorite]

what in the FUCK is this thread?!???
posted by nosila at 4:37 PM on October 15, 2009 [6 favorites]

"[Richard Heene] told ABC News that he hoped the aircraft would one day help people commute to work." *
posted by ericb at 4:38 PM on October 15, 2009

He wasn't much of an adventurer
Although he had him a balloon
What set out to the stars one day
And floated to the moon
Millions they watched on
Quaking then at his fate
They thought that that young boy would die
As they watched the balloon deflate
The balloon crashed down in a dirt field
And settled on some rocks
And the police they cut it open
And reacted then with shocks
Falcon wasn't hadn't taken wing
As might his namesake's flocks
But there was one talent Falcon had:
The boy could sit in a box.
posted by Astro Zombie at 4:39 PM on October 15, 2009 [6 favorites]

This article says that the family appeared on an episode of Wife Swap.

Perhaps 'Nanny 911' would have been a better idea.
posted by mazola at 4:39 PM on October 15, 2009

Pardon my earlier Watchmen snark, but allow me to continue. Perhaps society doesn't need an alien invasion, gigantic squid, or Dr. Manhatten shooting explosions to bring about peace. Maybe all it takes is a young boy in a balloon to bring everyone together. Gay or straight, black or white, Fox News or MSNBC, everyone dropped everything to worry about that kid.

What we need is to send one child up in a balloon that will remain in the air indefinitely, if we care about peace. Sure, it's a major loss for the 6 year old who spends his life in the mid-atmosphere, but the good of the whole outweighs the needs of the one.

/modest proposal
posted by mccarty.tim at 4:40 PM on October 15, 2009 [4 favorites]

I think it is important to keep in mind who we should blame: teachers. If it wasn't for their "conference," then these boys would have been in school not playing with balloons and boxes.
posted by soupy at 4:40 PM on October 15, 2009 [3 favorites]

what in the FUCK is this thread?!

The reason why the mods have hit the hard stuff early this evening.
posted by The Whelk at 4:40 PM on October 15, 2009 [4 favorites]

Gay or straight, black or white, Fox News or MSNBC, everyone dropped everything to worry about that kid.

I picked a hell of a day to actually WORK at work.
posted by desjardins at 4:42 PM on October 15, 2009 [3 favorites]

Tonight... We Are All Falcon Heene.
posted by setanor at 4:43 PM on October 15, 2009 [2 favorites]

I just maked this
posted by Senor Cardgage at 4:44 PM on October 15, 2009 [38 favorites]

The police didn't look in the attic or search the house... for hours?

This is a either a hoax or the police are getting even dumber than they already are. The cops are fools for trusting the parents when they told them they already searched the house.


Bradford, Ryo and Falcon Heene: That's awesome that the parents let Sarah Palin name their kids.

I'll allow Bradford because it can be shortened to Brad.

Ryo- Japanese mom.

Naming your kid Falcon is just a mean thing to do. No wonder he hid in the attic.
posted by Zambrano at 4:45 PM on October 15, 2009 [1 favorite]

I'm still trying to work it out too, nosila, but the gist seems to be an episode of Wife Swap gone horribly wrong, where one family is discovered to have a child imprisoned in a box in the attic (which doubles as the family's home recording studio). In the end, the visiting wife rescues the poor child and they proceed to escape in a balloon, and they would have lived happily ever after too, if it hadn't been for the foreign porn skydivers with a assault rifles .
posted by mannequito at 4:46 PM on October 15, 2009 [5 favorites]

HOW EMBARRASSMENT!
posted by Gamien Boffenburg at 4:48 PM on October 15, 2009 [2 favorites]

I think it is important to keep in mind who we should blame: teachers. If it wasn't for their "conference," then these boys would have been in school not playing with balloons and boxes.

I've got to admit I'm somewhat surprised to learn the Heene family aren't homeschoolers.
posted by dersins at 4:51 PM on October 15, 2009 [2 favorites]

I just thought it would be awesome to be balloon boy for Haloween, then I realized that everyone else probably just thought that, too. Is Balloon Boy the Heath Ledger Joker of 2009?
posted by mccarty.tim at 4:54 PM on October 15, 2009

...is there some kind of site rule that says we can't make fpps about such subjects but have to wait until something like this happens before we can mention it?

there must be - because if there isn't, then the lack of fpps on such subjects must mean that you aren't really sincere when you complain about our paying attention to this one

if you were REALLY concerned about kids drowning in bathtubs you'd have made an fpp about it, right?

People can pay attention to and post about what ever your little hearts want. I salute your freedom.

But people might, just might, want to think and wait for the facts to come in before they post all sorts of premature, ill-conceived, judgmental nonsense about those items.

Consider that said people might then demonstrate that they have one or two extra chromosomes.

Consider said people might demonstrate that they have some how killed Nancy Grace, ground her corpse up into a nice fine powder, mixed her powdered remains with whatever other drugs render a person a complete hysterical dumb shit, and then snorted the combination fourteen grams at a time.
posted by tkchrist at 4:55 PM on October 15, 2009

Best. Metafilter. Thread. Ever.
posted by nax at 4:57 PM on October 15, 2009 [13 favorites]

Consider said people might demonstrate that they have some how killed Nancy Grace, ground her corpse up into a nice fine powder, mixed her powdered remains with whatever other drugs render a person a complete hysterical dumb shit, and then snorted the combination fourteen grams at a time.

Haven't we all done that at some point in college?
posted by qvantamon at 4:58 PM on October 15, 2009 [1 favorite]

The police didn't look in the attic or search the house... for hours?

Last thing I heard before I shut my TV off was an interview with one of the cops who searched the house. He said he searched the attic twice without finding him. Either the kid's really good at hide-and-go-seek or the cop's really bad at it.
posted by scalefree at 4:58 PM on October 15, 2009 [1 favorite]

tank fly box boy jam nitty gritty
you're listing to the boy from the big bad city
posted by East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94 at 4:59 PM on October 15, 2009

Oh. And. I Told you so.
posted by tkchrist at 4:59 PM on October 15, 2009

All of the top 40 trending topics on Google are related to this with the excpetion of...

19. meghan mccain twitter photo
40. garth brooks out of retirement

I was going to make a Meghan McCain boob-shot fpp but luckily for you all this happened first.
posted by empath at 5:01 PM on October 15, 2009 [2 favorites]

Next time someone takes a jab at me for not going out of my way to watch television I'm going to point at this.
posted by Kid Charlemagne at 5:01 PM on October 15, 2009 [2 favorites]

Agreed, Nax. This merits a Metafilter In-Joke t-shirt. 600+ hilarious posts about a bizarre and developing story, to me, proves that this world is weird and unpredictable and worth fighting for. If that's not best of the web, I don't know what is.
posted by mccarty.tim at 5:02 PM on October 15, 2009 [2 favorites]

Does Hallmark make a "Thanks for nothing, dumbass" card we can send to the people who reported seeing something fall from the balloon?

Nope, but Zazzle has your back.

40. garth brooks out of retirement

Garth Brooks retired?
posted by filthy light thief at 5:03 PM on October 15, 2009

Oh I for got to answer this precious nugget:

if you were REALLY concerned about kids drowning in bathtubs you'd have made an fpp about it, right?

I'm not. I am not the least bit concerned about kids drowning in bath tubs. I am so irresponsible in that way. I litterally never even think about kids drowning in bath tubs. This despite my hobby of collecting bathtubs and leaving them out in the back yard.

I should not be allowed to pursue my hobby of collecting bath-tubs and bathing in them. Which isn't really any kind of hobby now that I think about it.
posted by tkchrist at 5:04 PM on October 15, 2009

So three boys were trying to hide from the cops - Bradford, Ryo and Falcon. They all climbed up into the attic's garage and tried to find a hiding place there.

Seeing nothing but boxes, they each climbed into a box. The cops came into the attic, seeing no sign of the boys. So one of them started kicking the boxes to see if maybe they were hiding in there.

The cop kicked the box with Bradford in it, and Brad yelped "Woof! Woof!" so the cop would think maybe it was a dog. He kicked another box, the one with Ryo in it, and Ryo said "Meow! Meow!" so they would think it was a cat. Finally, just as the cop was about to give up, he kicked the last box.

And Falcon yelled, "I AM IN A BALLOON 10,000 FT ABOVE THE GROUND YOU IDIOTS, TURN ON THE TV!"
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 5:06 PM on October 15, 2009 [24 favorites]

http://www.imeem.com/people/BHAaS/playlist/-Wyx5P2w/in-the-air-tonight-songs-for-balloon-boy-music-playlist/
posted by East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94 at 5:07 PM on October 15, 2009

I think it's irresponsible to collect bathtubs and not make moonshine on them.
posted by qvantamon at 5:07 PM on October 15, 2009

I like to take cards meant for other purposes and scribble out whatever text doesn't work and rewrite text that does. In this case, I might pick a Bar Mitvah card, It would be rewitten to read:

MAZEL TOV

Your family are so
proud of you
as today you climb the bima caused a national panic
read from the torah by releasing your crazy father's UFO balloon
and prove that
you are a man not pussified.
posted by Astro Zombie at 5:09 PM on October 15, 2009 [6 favorites]

Consider said people might demonstrate that they have some how killed Nancy Grace, ground her corpse up into a nice fine powder, mixed her powdered remains with whatever other drugs render a person a complete hysterical dumb shit, and then snorted the combination fourteen grams at a time.

will that help me play guitar like keith?
posted by pyramid termite at 5:09 PM on October 15, 2009

I think it's irresponsible to collect bathtubs and not make moonshine on them.

Oh I do. I bath in the moonshine. It may not soap up to good. But it tingles in all the right places.
posted by tkchrist at 5:10 PM on October 15, 2009

I am not the least bit concerned about kids drowning in bath tubs.

i knew that
posted by pyramid termite at 5:12 PM on October 15, 2009 [1 favorite]

will that help me play guitar like keith?

Yeah, but in a non-serious way - you're just a pretend recording star!
posted by setanor at 5:13 PM on October 15, 2009

but you haven't heard my latest generic 3 chord wonder - i call it "wild horseshit"
posted by pyramid termite at 5:14 PM on October 15, 2009 [1 favorite]

Senior Cardgage wins with reason #594 why we should allow images again. Oh, the Humanity.

(and hey, SG, Fark's doing a balloon themed photoshop contest. Go and grab their $0 grand prize... I don't usually hang out at Fark, but today seemed the perfect day)
posted by evilmidnightbomberwhatbombsatmidnight at 5:15 PM on October 15, 2009

Is Garth Brooks playing for the Vikings or Green Bay?
posted by fixedgear at 5:15 PM on October 15, 2009

I don't know why but having read through this thread, I now feel an overwhelming need to eat waffles.
posted by johnj at 5:15 PM on October 15, 2009

I was going to make a Meghan McCain boob-shot fpp but luckily for you all this happened first.

So wait. You're telling me we could have been talking about boobs this whole time?

CURSE YOU FALCON
posted by hifiparasol at 5:16 PM on October 15, 2009 [5 favorites]

You know what would have been a good end to this? If Falcon was in the balloon, then with the eyes of the world on him had fallen, obviously to the horror of all those watching, them for him flex wings and soar across the sky. Then for clone Thor to blow a big hole in him.
posted by biffa at 5:17 PM on October 15, 2009

Remember when the news was jammed by the astronaut stalker lady driving cross country in diapers and Anna Nicole Smith dying in the same week? Today, we face Meghan McCain posting an inappropriate Twitter pic and a boy scaring the nation by hiding in box within mere hours of each other.

I propose that the tabloid-style news is accelerating at a geometric rate. Consider that between this outburst and Anna Nicole Smith's death, we dealt with five celebrity deaths, Sarah Palin's resignation, and Mark Sanford's affair within about a week.

By 2015, I predict we will experience bursts of 15 Octomom-scale news flashes per day.
posted by mccarty.tim at 5:18 PM on October 15, 2009 [5 favorites]

Timmy O'Toole
posted by brevator at 5:18 PM on October 15, 2009 [3 favorites]

If there is one thing I have taken away from this thread it's that we must submit an outline of our hobbies to the Federal Hobby Revue Board BEFORE we commit more than 40 hours to any single project. Becuase, as you all know, the threshold for Legitimate Hobby Certification MUST come before 40 hours. Or they take away your right to accidentally not kill a precocious child.

Okay. TWO things. The second thing I've learned is that is never too soon to begin harshly judging people on how well they don't accidentally kill their precocious children.
posted by tkchrist at 5:23 PM on October 15, 2009 [6 favorites]

.
posted by kozad at 5:26 PM on October 15, 2009

I propose that the tabloid-style news is accelerating at a geometric rate. Consider that between this outburst and Anna Nicole Smith's death, we dealt with five celebrity deaths, Sarah Palin's resignation, and Mark Sanford's affair within about a week.


Reality itself is becoming more tabloid every day. Nanobots you know. By next month we'll reach Weekly World News levels and the Times will be reporting about hordes of Batboys and zombie Popes and loch ness astronauts and sharks that loose frikken lasers from thier eyes.

For entertainment we'll read about quiet afternoons and businessmen.
posted by The Whelk at 5:26 PM on October 15, 2009

Glad he's safe and so glad he wasn't in that balloon. If I were his mother, I wouldn't know whether to give him as much dessert as he wants for a year or to ground him for life (no pun intended).
posted by zizzle at 5:26 PM on October 15, 2009

Son...

I am disappoint.
posted by Avenger at 5:27 PM on October 15, 2009 [4 favorites]

Well, at least Madeleine Stowe will be convinced that Bruce Willis is from the future now.
posted by dirtdirt at 5:27 PM on October 15, 2009 [2 favorites]

What the hell?

Something about a kid in a balloon and over seven hundred comments?

Man, you turn off the internet for four hours, come back and you've missed everything.
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 5:34 PM on October 15, 2009 [5 favorites]

Man, you turn off the internet for four hours, come back and you've missed everything.

And yet, you've missed nothing. Meditate and reflect.
posted by The Whelk at 5:37 PM on October 15, 2009 [12 favorites]

Something about a kid in a balloon and over 9000 comments?



Might as well go full-Chan at this point.
posted by Senor Cardgage at 5:37 PM on October 15, 2009 [2 favorites]

Man, you turn off the internet for four hours

Please don't turn off the internet, I'm using it right now.
posted by qvantamon at 5:39 PM on October 15, 2009 [8 favorites]

Heh, did anyone else read the single review posted today for the "Box Time" video on Amazon posted above?

"I bought this video for my children, in order to introduce to them the fun, wholesome world of boxes. What happened instead was that they just decided to hide away in boxes all the time! I eventually told them "enough!" and put the boxes away in the attic, but that didn't stop them! They found it even easier to hide away for long periods because I never thought to look for them up there! It has gotten so bad that I cannot have any boxes around the house at all! Even the smallest boxes! I will sometimes find my youngest curled up in bed with a shoe box on his head, sound asleep, with that tissue paper that comes with the shoes stuck to his lip. It is wrecking my home! I will still be checking out Box Time #2, in case it offers a more healthy view of boxes and box activities."

I thought it was funny.
posted by DanielDManiel at 5:46 PM on October 15, 2009 [9 favorites]

I blame Obama for this.

But seriously, this has all been the best everyone-losing-their-shit-for-absolutely-nothing episode since that whale stuck in the ice. Once-in-a-decade stuff.
posted by Joe Beese at 5:50 PM on October 15, 2009

So is this the thread where we all watch 30 Rock?
posted by The Whelk at 5:50 PM on October 15, 2009 [1 favorite]

800 comments and only 10 favorites :( there should be some kind of trade in program
posted by empath at 5:52 PM on October 15, 2009

Longboat time?
posted by sciurus at 5:53 PM on October 15, 2009

By 2015, I predict we will experience bursts of 15 Octomom-scale news flashes per day.

Centoventomom?
posted by East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94 at 5:57 PM on October 15, 2009

No, not longboat time.
posted by jessamyn at 5:57 PM on October 15, 2009 [3 favorites]

And just when his Twitter feed was picking up steam.
posted by The Deej at 6:00 PM on October 15, 2009

I just wanted to say: I love you, MetaFilter.
posted by the littlest brussels sprout at 6:06 PM on October 15, 2009 [4 favorites]

I think it's safe to say we'd all have enjoyed this a lot more if it had been a Calvin & Hobbes arc

I was busy this afternoon and did not have a clue that any of this was going down. The news link was updated to report the child safe before I even started reading this thread which meant I was fortunate enough to get the BalloonBoy News^Lite: All of the flavor, none of the angst. As a result, I thoroughly enjoyed the unique Metafilter touch. The drama! The excitement! The jokes! The condemnation of the jokes! The condemnation of the parents! The condemnation of the condemners! The math! The updates! The speculations! The relief! When I got to the part where the balloon touched down and read, "The balloon touched down." "The balloon touched down." "The balloon touched down." Wash. Rinse. Repeat. I started laughing. When I got to "He's in the house." "He's in the house." "He's in the house." I laughed so hard the tears streamed down my face.

I thank you all Good Meefs, for a lovely evening.
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 6:06 PM on October 15, 2009 [26 favorites]

TMZ says the cops told them that the parents were "hysterical" until the boy was found.

If this was a Rupert Pupkin stunt to make his video famous, at least he went all out.
posted by Joe Beese at 6:08 PM on October 15, 2009

Here also is Richard Heene being hysterical (top video)
posted by East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94 at 6:15 PM on October 15, 2009

I blame Obama for this.

Obviously.
And small boys and balloons are now added to the unAmerican list.
posted by philip-random at 6:22 PM on October 15, 2009

Nothing in this thread has been posted by box.

That is so wrong.
posted by dhartung at 6:35 PM on October 15, 2009

Gawker assesses today's winners and losers:

LOSERS: Cable news networks who in the midst of the health care, debate, the world exploding, etc., interrupted their programming for three hours to cover what turned out to be a huge mix-up. Oh yeah, and the internet for doing that too.

WINNERS: The few on Twitter who took the bold step to mock while it seemed a six-year-old boy was about to be smashed to death against a mountain before our very eyes. Their psychopathic insensitivity to human suffering is now vindicated.
posted by Joe Beese at 6:39 PM on October 15, 2009 [10 favorites]

Nothing in this thread has been posted by box.

Too little Sarah Palin :(
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 6:43 PM on October 15, 2009

Shame on them for their pride in their ignorance. Shame on them for letting their stupidity run so far ahead of common sense.

When do any of us feel shame over watching them or this event?
posted by rough ashlar at 6:48 PM on October 15, 2009 [1 favorite]

MeFi, you've restored my faith in the internets.
posted by reductiondesign at 6:58 PM on October 15, 2009

That he CHOSE to go on the show and behave that way is what makes him an ass.

I thought it would make you a tool.
posted by rough ashlar at 7:01 PM on October 15, 2009

Metafilter: lefty homoerotic propaganda
posted by The Whelk at 7:13 PM on October 15, 2009

Nothing good like this ever happens in Hong Kong. All we get are greedy feng shui masters and celebrity porno. And nobody's seen a real-life flying dragon in nigh on to 20 years.
posted by milquetoast at 7:18 PM on October 15, 2009

Garth Brooks retired?

Yeah, that Chris Gaines thing didn't work out so super-well.

But Steve Wynn threw a private jet and a ton of cash at him and now all is well.
posted by blucevalo at 7:20 PM on October 15, 2009

okay, i'll do it:

Metafilter: Their psychopathic insensitivity to human suffering is now vindicated.
posted by empath at 7:22 PM on October 15, 2009 [3 favorites]

All we get are greedy feng shui masters and celebrity porno.

I'd take greedy feng shui masters and celebrity porn over a false sighting in a UFO-like hot air balloon of a six-year-old kid of creepy "Wife Swap" alums any day of the week.

How apropos that this is my 2000th comment.
posted by blucevalo at 7:24 PM on October 15, 2009 [2 favorites]

*sigh*
posted by Smedleyman at 7:29 PM on October 15, 2009

Nothing good like this ever happens in Hong Kong. All we get are greedy feng shui masters and celebrity porno.

Hong Kong . . . Hong Kong . . . Which part of Los Angeles is that?
posted by Sys Rq at 7:31 PM on October 15, 2009

I've seen The Big Carnival, so this is familiar to me.
posted by SPrintF at 7:40 PM on October 15, 2009

Next year, we need to march on Washington (or Denver Intl., your choice) for the 10 Values, 15 Principles project. We march not as Democrats or Republicans, but as Americans united together to save the boy at 7000ft in the air who lives inside all of us. Who is that boy? Why is he in the air? Is he more important than the boy inside us drowning in the bathtub? We don't know, but we do know that WE CARE, and that we will not let the boy DIE OF SNARK.

Let's not fall into the complacence we will hit on 10/16, or the obsession on real news regarding public health we fell into on 10/14.

No, on 10/15, we need to remind the stories about politicians and major events that they don't surround us, we surround them.

Ask yourself these questions:
* Do you watch the direction that the balloon in your heart is being taken in and feel powerless to stop it?
* Do you believe that weird news isn’t loud enough to be heard above the serious shit anymore?
* Do you read the headlines everyday and feel an empty pit in your stomach… as if you’re completely alone at 10,000 feet in the air?

PS: BYOBox

PSS: Also BYOBalloon
posted by mccarty.tim at 7:40 PM on October 15, 2009 [7 favorites]

when asked if he heard his parents calling, falcon threw out a few words, among them "you guys said we did it for the show"
posted by nadawi at 7:41 PM on October 15, 2009 [21 favorites]

It's a balloon, penelope.

prick
posted by davejay at 7:46 PM on October 15, 2009

"Did it for the show" raises the publicity stunt likelihood percentage for me, but I don't know yet by what amount.
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 7:49 PM on October 15, 2009

I heard him say "Always blow on the pie."
posted by Astro Zombie at 7:50 PM on October 15, 2009 [2 favorites]

BYOBalloon

If that means Be Your Own Balloon, then I'm all for it.
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 7:51 PM on October 15, 2009

nadawi's link is pretty damning IMHO. The boy, obviously young and confused and not sure what the right thing to say is, seems to stammer out "you guys said we did it for the show" and then his father seems to have a hard time explaining around what he might have meant by that.
posted by secretseasons at 7:51 PM on October 15, 2009 [2 favorites]

Becuase, as you all know, the threshold for Legitimate Hobby Certification MUST come before 40 hours. Or they take away your right to accidentally not kill a precocious child.

This is a disappointment. It turns out I just got my certification this morning. My hobby is killing precocious children not at all by accident. I am not certain that my certificate is legitimate, but it was expensive, and it smells a bit like old bandages.
posted by krinklyfig at 7:51 PM on October 15, 2009

Courtesy Reddit
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 7:52 PM on October 15, 2009 [3 favorites]

Hard to remember if I've seen this linked in this thread already... did you all see these clips from the wife swap show? Falcon seems to be the one who says, "Fuck this rule!"
posted by secretseasons at 7:56 PM on October 15, 2009

Could it just be a coincidence that the balloon was headed toward the Denver airport?
posted by lukemeister at 7:59 PM on October 15, 2009 [1 favorite]

when asked if he heard his parents calling, falcon threw out a few words, among them "you guys said we did it for the show"

I just got really depressed. Like all this for nothing.

The cynics win again.
posted by notswedish at 8:06 PM on October 15, 2009

Where were you, when they found that boy in the attic?
Did you sigh relief, or did you think it was kind of lame?
Well, I, for one, believe in that boy in the attic.
nine-eleven, nine-elevennnnnn.....
posted by Navelgazer at 8:16 PM on October 15, 2009

These kids will have been used to doing stagey things for reality shows, and the parents decided to do a stunt even though they weren't scheduled to be on TV. Mission accomplished.
posted by East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94 at 8:20 PM on October 15, 2009

Could be that the kid is really crafty, figured he'd shift the blame onto the parents so he didn't have to live with it.
posted by setanor at 8:21 PM on October 15, 2009

This is precisely the hilarious ending I was hoping for the whole time. For the parents' sake, I hope it is a hoax, because they're going to be publicly kicked in the taint by the press and the blogs for a long time starting tomorrow, and I'll feel a whole lot better about that if they actually deserve it.
posted by middleclasstool at 8:25 PM on October 15, 2009 [6 favorites]

Oh, dammit! We just got rid of Jon and Kate, and now we got these people? And Wolf Blitzer breaks the (non-)story?!

This day keeps getting suckier.
posted by dirigibleman at 8:25 PM on October 15, 2009

How it will pan out next time.
posted by mazola at 8:28 PM on October 15, 2009

This day keeps getting suckier.
posted by dirigibleman

Eponhys-er-um. Huh.
posted by The Whelk at 8:29 PM on October 15, 2009 [3 favorites]

Kids that age aren't smart enough to come up with that good a blame shift, except maybe by blind luck.

And the awkward bumbling and flustering of the parents after the kid said that seemed pretty damning.
posted by idiopath at 8:34 PM on October 15, 2009 [3 favorites]

This day keeps getting suckier.

Hey, I heard about it after the whole thing was over. It was thrilling for about 10 seconds before I knew the kid was on the ground the whole time.
posted by krinklyfig at 8:37 PM on October 15, 2009

I wonder if the parents are gunning for a reality show of their own? It sure would be one way to make their life of storm chasing and alien hunting into a profitable one.
posted by Sticherbeast at 8:38 PM on October 15, 2009

And Wolf Blitzer breaks the (non-)story?!

Blitzer didn't break a goddamn thing. Per his usual style, he was either too confused to catch it or to unwilling to hit it head on and let it slide. He tripped and fell face-first, Magoo style, into this.
posted by middleclasstool at 8:38 PM on October 15, 2009 [10 favorites]

Yeah. Stupid kid's life wasn't at risk at all.
posted by mazola at 8:39 PM on October 15, 2009

Wolf Blitzer finally pries at the dad over the "we did it for the show" comment.
posted by Sticherbeast at 8:43 PM on October 15, 2009 [6 favorites]

Please feel free to elaborate and prove me wrong, or to simply apologize for your pig-headed blanket assertion that pissed off quite a few commenters in this thread.
posted by lazaruslong at 6:51 PM on October 15

First, I'm sorry if I offended you. I really did not intend my comments about these particular people to be blanket criticism of people who play guitar. Especially because I am one (I also play the piano and cello!). So let me explain better. The problem is not the hobby. The problem is that they participate in the hobby in such a way that the purpose is to project their fantasy to us as a reality. They aren't simply playing guitar. They are showing us that they play guitar in a home studio to convince us that they are not merely hobbyist guitarists, but serious guitarists, the proof of which is the studio.

In other words, my problem with it is that we are complicit in the fantasy because they are showing it to us for the purpose of having us believe it.

See, this isn't an example of the garage inventor toiling away in silence on some Next Big Thing with dreams of changing the world. That is a good thing, and should be encouraged. This also isn't a case of someone doing art or music as a way to express themselves creatively and to share that creativity with others. In those cases, the emphasis, the focus of the person in question, is the creativity.

This is a case of a family whose primary activity appears to be marketing. Thier emphasis is on showing off. They are showing us an image of themselves they want us to believe. That is the focus, on having the rest of the world buy into the fantasy, the identity they wish the world to attribute to them. "I'm a musician, because look at all the music stuff I have. He's a scientist, because he chases storms and builds balloons." They are focused on the symbols of the identity they wish to construct rather than on acquiring that identity as an incidental result of the work and practice to hone an expertise in the field over years. It lacks earnestness.

That is the opposite of what is happening on Mefi Music.

I suppose I did not appreciate the extent to which these shows play up the silliness of the people in them, I always suspected that reality TV wasn't reality, but I guess I didn't understand that they are actively and deliberately playing up the stupid.

And that is my problem. Playing up the stupid. There is stupid there to play up.

These people chose to create a public image of themselves that we see on their youtube videos. (Set the Wife Swap video aside). "We're not pussies, we're storm chasers!" We're not [WEAK THING], we are [STRONG THING]. Like the studio, and the construction of the UFO balloon thing, this too is a fantasy, because they want us to see the videos and believe that the fantasy is the reality. If you were really strong, it wouldn't be so important to try to demonstrate it to as many people as you can.

In other words, they are using their youtube videos, and later Wife Swap, to convince us that their assorted fantasies are real. He's not some jackass neighbor interested in nonsense, he's a UFOologist and storm chaser and here's his homemade video to demonstrate it. She's not a person who plays the guitar and record songs like you, she's a real guitarist, a serious musician, which you can plainly see by the fact that she has her own studio.

The products are acquired (the studio and the balloon are built) in the service of projecting the image. But whether the image is true or not is secondary.

My point, poorly expressed, is that this much fantasy coming out of one household is too much. Storm chaser, and psyience explorer, and home studio, etc. It's too much escaping from reality. That is my subjective opinion. People with kids in the middle of a bad recession need to be a little more focused on the long term that these people appear to be, judging by the videos they themselves put out. And they put them out for the purpose of being judged. (They assumed that enough people would judge them favorably, and they are undoubtedly right).

Furthermore, by too much, I mean they will let something very important slip.

And they did. To indulge his fantasy, he built a balloon that was capable of flying but not in the way that he intended. He didn't take the reasonable precautions we would all expect, like not leaving it inflated, weighing it down, locking it, etc. Even though the kid wasn't in it, there was a very real possibility he could have been (otherwise the parents would have told the cops that it would be impossible for the kid to be in it and the story would never have been "Kid trapped in balloon"). The dad wasn't thinking about these things because he hasn't been thinking period.

If Wife Swap is playing this up, they understand something very important that I didn't: that the audience wants to see this family living out their goofy fantasies. What I want to know is why does the audience want this? To mock and ridicule them? That rings hollow to me. Or because, like reactions in this thread indicate, people who share the interests of the contestants (but don't indulge in them to the extent that the contestants do) will sympathize with them, and emotionally participate in whatever contrived conflict is presented on the show. They'd probably pair them up with someone like me, who'll tell them to cut the nonsense out, at which point you in the audience hiss at me and don't change the channel during the commercials so you can see the tidy wrap up at the end. Is that the general idea?

In that scenario, consider that the audience is the rube. Everyone else involved laughs all the way to the bank.

So I hope that cleared things up, and again, sorry if I offended you.
posted by Pastabagel at 8:46 PM on October 15, 2009 [31 favorites]

The cynics win again.

If you can't beat em...

Then again, I got called out for rooting for the kids death so I could scorn the parents. (lol again, rob.)

Really, from the beginning, this whole thing was laughable. That 24/7 news turned into a reality show this afternoon shouldn't come as a surprise to anyone. Be skeptical, be cynical, be judgmental, because 95% of the crap you hear and see every day is advertising and marketing and absolute bullshit. It was one kid in Colorado, and as a few people in this thread have pointed out that there is far more important shit going on than an attention grabbing family baiting the life of their kid for publicity.
posted by clearly at 8:46 PM on October 15, 2009 [2 favorites]

Well that was thoroughly entertaining.
posted by hellojed at 8:46 PM on October 15, 2009

Could be that the kid is really crafty, figured he'd shift the blame onto the parents so he didn't have to live with it.

That would require a lot of sophistication, really more than a six-year-old could have -- inventing "you guys said we did this for the show" would require him to understand the nature of the publicity he'd gotten, the fact that it could benefit his parents in some way, the plausibility of the scenario that they'd put him up to it. He just looked confused that his father was asking him this question. Six-year-olds tell lies, but they're on the level of "Brian did it," not "You guys set me up in order to get free publicity for your projects."
posted by palliser at 8:48 PM on October 15, 2009

Metafilter: overthinking a plate of 15 minutes of fame.
posted by HP LaserJet P10006 at 8:51 PM on October 15, 2009 [1 favorite]

Via Reddit: a /b/tard felt it would be worth $45 to order a pizza to the family's house, just to see it whiz past the reporters. Result here.
posted by Sticherbeast at 8:51 PM on October 15, 2009 [5 favorites]

lolblitzer
posted by Flunkie at 8:52 PM on October 15, 2009 [1 favorite]

(Just to clarify -- I think it's also possible that the dad is right, and Falcon just didn't understand the question, and was talking about being on all these interview shows. But I don't think he could have been lying.)
posted by palliser at 8:54 PM on October 15, 2009 [1 favorite]

Metafilter: overthinking a plate of 15 minutes of fame.

...and 60 or so minutes of unmanned flight.
posted by clearly at 8:55 PM on October 15, 2009

Should have previewed: it was a PR stunt? So the kid was never in danger. Which poves all the more that the dad especially is really focused on promotion. So my stantement about putting the kid at risk by indulding in the fantasy is now unsupported by evidence, I suppose, but the bigger point is that all this PR and self-promotion begs the question: What is he promoting? What great thing has he or his family done that he needs to get the word out on this scale?

Nothing. It's half-assed shit slapped together simply to have something to promote in order to feed his need for attention.

Do something. Work at something. Really hard. Make it the best you can, then show us it. Don't be so hungry to show us you.

I guess that's the difference between what I see in those clips and what something like mefimusic is about.
posted by Pastabagel at 8:56 PM on October 15, 2009 [1 favorite]

Did someone fart in terror after the kid said, "we did it for the show," or was that added later?
posted by dirigibleman at 9:00 PM on October 15, 2009 [14 favorites]

Be skeptical, be cynical, be judgmental, because 95% of the crap you hear and see every day is advertising and marketing and absolute bullshit.

See, normally I am the skeptical guy. I don't even have cable because I know that it's shit. But someone posts an article that very unequivocally states that a 6-yr old kid is in a balloon 7000 ft above the ground, well that seems to me to be a story that shouldn't be susceptible to spinning. At no point in flight was the story anything other than "There is a kid trapped in the balloon you are seeing." Jesus Christ, that is an absolute statement of fact.

This isn't In Search of Schroedinger's Kid. This kid is in the balloon or not. This should be easy to determine, and one of the first things to determine. We all hate being duped, but hell, can you blame us?
posted by Pastabagel at 9:03 PM on October 15, 2009 [4 favorites]

Pastabagel - I think the issue that some people took with your comments was more how quickly and how seriously you passed judgment on these people. Even as you are proven right now, the way in which you characterized them seemed really unfounded and unnecessary, given the quality of the material you were referencing. I get that this sort of thing gets you wound up, I really do, and I understand, but most of your first posts were basically calling them out as idiots and ignorant douchebags and fucking morons, etc. and that didn't really seem like there was any way you could have known if that was accurate.
posted by setanor at 9:04 PM on October 15, 2009 [1 favorite]

Pastabagel, I for one applaud you for seeing through the bullshit sooner than most.

I was just trying to understand all the strange bits. A weird-ass helium balloon? Loaded for bear, er, air? Some claim about flying above the commute? For a camera, or what? Then you had the math contretemps about whether it was big enough for a kid. That's the answer. It was exactly big enough to make us think it was plausible to hold a kid -- and no more. Because building it bigger would have been too hard (or cost too much in helium), and then there would have been those questions. So the thing really was purpose-built and the purpose was, in retrospect, clearly a hoax.

Then there was the neighbor's report that the other kid was videoing/photographing the balloon as it rose, while both parents were frantically searching the house or something. If you thought your kid was in the balloon, wouldn't one of you at least grab the car and follow it for hell or high water? So that was activity designed to create the appearance of concern.

And still, later, supposedly the mom was just sitting in her office when Falcon suddenly appeared. Wait, your kid is lost somewhere in the wilds of Colorado's range country and you're ... sitting around? Huh?

My bet is the money from Wife Swap ran out, the recession means he can't get work, and they're behind on the house. Answer: need new reality series starring us. This is sickening.
posted by dhartung at 9:05 PM on October 15, 2009

Be skeptical, be cynical, be judgmental, because 95% of the crap you hear and see every day is advertising and marketing and absolute bullshit.

You can be aware as a person and filter out all the bullshit without having to be skeptical, cynical OR judgmental.
posted by setanor at 9:16 PM on October 15, 2009 [1 favorite]

schrodinger's balloon boy.
posted by extrabox at 9:20 PM on October 15, 2009 [1 favorite]

This is a case of a family whose primary activity appears to be marketing. Thier emphasis is on showing off. They are showing us an image of themselves they want us to believe. That is the focus, on having the rest of the world buy into the fantasy, the identity they wish the world to attribute to them. "I'm a musician, because look at all the music stuff I have.

congratulations - you've just described 99% of professional rock musicians - it's about marketing, it's about image, it's about showing off, it's about fantasy

also, they're on tv, and the producers of that tv show want to SHOW people not TELL, as that's the ultimate purpose of the medium

it's not so much that you're wrong about what you say about these people - but that you think that they could possibly be allowed to appear in the public eye by any other means than the ones they've chosen

it's the nature of the beast - rock and roll musicians are immodest jerks and tv reality stars are narcissists

what's the goddamn difference between that and a guy telling his son what a kickass football player he was in high school? - it's all a parade of vanity, especially those who proclaim some kind of authenticity for people who aren't "showing off" ... but really are - trust me on that

In that scenario, consider that the audience is the rube. Everyone else involved laughs all the way to the bank.

because after all, what's really important isn't the story, or the presentation, or the outcome, but how you, as a member of the audience, are able to present yourself and your reactions as SUPERIOR to the other members of the audience

hmmm, maybe i've just come up with a definition of hipsterism
posted by pyramid termite at 9:20 PM on October 15, 2009 [1 favorite]

Apparently the kid just landed in a field. They're using shovels to get him out.
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 9:22 PM on October 15, 2009 [1 favorite]

idiopath: Kids that age aren't smart enough to come up with that good a blame shift, except maybe by blind luck.

Gee, I dunno, I was 2 or 3 when I disengaged the emergency brake in an MG and rolled down the hill and through the front window of a Venice Beach retirement hotel. By the time they pulled me, unharmed, out of the car I had formulated my story: "A man tried to kidnap me, and he started the car and it crashed." The posse was forming when one of the old folks announced they'd seen the whole thing and that the little girl was alone in the car throughout. Of course, none of this would have happened if my perpetually stoned dad hadn't left me alone in a car on a hill in the first place...
posted by Scram at 9:27 PM on October 15, 2009 [3 favorites]

Seriously, though. There was a balloon floating above Colorado. We thought a 6-year-old child was endangered. The balloon is down, and it turns out the kid was never in danger. There is no longer any reason for us to care about this. Let's all stop paying attention to it.

Thank you.
posted by Navelgazer at 9:31 PM on October 15, 2009 [1 favorite]

There is no longer any reason for us to care about this. Let's all stop paying attention to it.

I would, but now there are terror farts.
posted by dirigibleman at 9:33 PM on October 15, 2009 [13 favorites]

We care because it looks like someone decided to freak out tons of people by using his child as a prop in an expensive and insane hoax, and as much as we get captivated by an innocent in trouble, we love a douchebag about to get his comeuppance even more.
posted by John Kenneth Fisher at 9:34 PM on October 15, 2009 [15 favorites]

it's not so much that you're wrong about what you say about these people - but that you think that they could possibly be allowed to appear in the public eye by any other means than the ones they've chosen

I'm down with consenting adult reality stars playing the Paris Hilton fame game.

When they start making their kids into pint-sized media whores, I think I'm right to be disturbed.
posted by dhartung at 9:38 PM on October 15, 2009 [1 favorite]

I love that little pause in the news show clip.

"But you said..." Wait, why is Dad asking me about this? Should I say? He's giving me a Look. What kind of Look? What am I supposed to do? Ah, nuts, I'll just tell the truth. The truth is good, right? "...you said we did it for the show."

Long pause. Falcon sees his father's expression.

Crap.
posted by Scattercat at 9:44 PM on October 15, 2009 [3 favorites]

Be skeptical, be cynical, be judgmental, because 95% of the crap you hear and see every day is advertising and marketing and absolute bullshit.

Actually, just be skeptical. That's good mental health. Cynicism and judgment on the other hand are rather poisonous.

As for the kid ooops! telling the truth to Uncle Wolf. I love it. Hardest I've laughed all week. Hope I live long enough for him to live long enough to grow to maturity and write some kind of memoir.

I'm actually starting to like this story. Belly-laughs and all.
posted by philip-random at 9:45 PM on October 15, 2009 [4 favorites]

John Kenneth Fisher: "we love a douchebag about to get his comeuppance even more."

To wit:

Hipster Grifter Sentenced, to Jail
posted by Joe Beese at 9:46 PM on October 15, 2009

Do all "wife swaps" pay $20K? Just curious. You know.
posted by maxwelton at 9:49 PM on October 15, 2009 [3 favorites]

For two hours today, I watched a weather balloon float around the sky with a six year old in it. I was stoned, and some very serious sounding news people were assuring me this is what I was watching.


If this is a deliberate hoax, it is the best since War of the Worlds.
posted by furiousxgeorge at 9:49 PM on October 15, 2009 [2 favorites]

I'm compiling a short list of agencies that I sincerely hope will be billing this, yes, douchebag for the expensive recovery and search:
Weld County Sheriff
"various fire and police departments"
Colorado Emergency Management
Federal Aviation Agency & National Transportation Safety Board
Denver International Airport
Colorado Army National Guard

(I'm not sure any news outlets need reimbursement.)

This makes me feel like the nutbar who plagues my local newspaper website with incessant "taxpayers are hurting" comments to everything. But jeepers.
posted by dhartung at 9:50 PM on October 15, 2009

Okay yeah, I'm taking back my parent-condemning comment. Not too thought out on my part.
posted by naju at 2:10 PM on October 15 [+] [!]

Aaaaand back to the parent-condemning for me. Parents, I condemn you.
posted by naju at 9:55 PM on October 15, 2009 [6 favorites]

If Wife Swap is playing this up, they understand something very important that I didn't: that the audience wants to see this family living out their goofy fantasies. What I want to know is why does the audience want this? To mock and ridicule them? That rings hollow to me.

I think you underestimate people's desire to mock and ridicule others so that they, themselves, can feel, uh, let's say adequate. Case in point, about five years ago I was in a city park, dressed like this, beating people with sticks and some guy comes up to me and starts asking questions about why I'm doing what I'm doing. I'm kind of preoccupied and he's obviously filming me, but I'm OK with that. And his girlfriend is looking really worried, which is odd, but whatever.

Six months later someone sends me a link to this video on college humor and he's trying really hard to make me look like a freak. Unfortunately, I'm just not playing along.

Thanks to reality TV that guy doesn't have to try to get me to say "What ho varlet" or whatever he wanted me to say, and his girlfriend doesn't have to worry about me putting him in traction. They can sit in the comfort and safety of their living room and people will line up to make asses of themselves.
posted by Kid Charlemagne at 9:58 PM on October 15, 2009

So when does this kid get invited for a beer at the White House?
posted by armage at 10:08 PM on October 15, 2009

'Balloon boy' hoax fears after Falcon says 'we did this for the show'
posted by HP LaserJet P10006 at 10:13 PM on October 15, 2009 [1 favorite]

Coming home tipsy to an 800-comment Metafilter thread makes for a great evening. Yay! I wish every day were just like this, Groundhog Day style. It would also be a lot of fun to write "SPOILER: he's in a box in the attic of the garage" as the second comment and watch the aftermath.
posted by painquale at 10:15 PM on October 15, 2009 [5 favorites]

So my spouse says to me this afternoon, "Isn't interesting that he made a weather balloon in the shape of a flying saucer".

And I'm thinking now, having his kid fake a balloon ride wasn't this guy's original plan.
posted by tgyg at 10:17 PM on October 15, 2009 [4 favorites]

Saw this today morning (South East Asia time) on BBC. The headlines first showed a middle-aged man running out of a bombed building clutching his daughter in Peshawar, and then shots of this kid and his dad, surrounded by police and media.

I'm not sure what my point is, just saying the contrast was rather stark.
posted by the cydonian at 10:18 PM on October 15, 2009 [7 favorites]

What ho varlet
posted by mwhybark at 10:20 PM on October 15, 2009

Another we did it for the show

[doff paranoic hat (it has a peacock feather!)]

Isn't it interesting that today Obama was down in New Orleans. Bumped off the headlines and newstickers by a six year old. Sure would hate to show how badly off New Orleans remains. Sure would hate to show Obama promising to fix up that lingering disaster.
posted by five fresh fish at 10:21 PM on October 15, 2009 [1 favorite]

I wish I could take credit for this:

Now, this is a story all about how my life got flipped, turned upside-down.
I'd liked to take a minute, just sit right there,
& I'll tell you how I became the prince of hot air.
In Fort Collins Colorado, born and raised,
Chasin' storms is where I spent most of my days.
Chilln' out with my parents and my two brothers too,
rappin' bout when you're overprotected, not cool
then a couple of ropes, who were clearly no good,
released my big balloon above the neighborhood
I got in one little flight and my mom got scared.
She said "my son's trapped in a balloon floating up in the air!"
I whistled for a chopper, and when it came near
the side said "Channel 9" and there were cameras & gear.
If anything I could say that this ride was rare,
but I thought "man, forget it, I'm not really there!"
I got out of my box about seven or eight
and I yelled to Wolf Blitzer "Yo homes, smell ya later!"
Even though I was safe and had always been there
I'll forever be remembered as the prince of hot air.
posted by Ruby Stevens at 10:38 PM on October 15, 2009 [10 favorites]

Man's pet chihuahua trapped in a balloon
posted by HP LaserJet P10006 at 10:38 PM on October 15, 2009 [2 favorites]

I'll also say that I have seven-year-old nephews whose words I wouldn't trust in this situation, and that the family obviously would have spoken with Falcon at great length before doing the CNN interwiew about being on TV. We don't know what the hell he meant. We just want to.
posted by Navelgazer at 10:47 PM on October 15, 2009 [3 favorites]

That kid sure can get himself into trouble.
posted by mazola at 10:48 PM on October 15, 2009 [4 favorites]

Oh, man. I can see the South Park parody right now:

Phillip: Say, Terrance! Why did you hide in the attic when you let the balloon off?
Terrance: Well, Phillip, *pbfth!*
T&P: Hahahahahaha!
posted by dirigibleman at 11:13 PM on October 15, 2009 [1 favorite]

How can you not love a six yr old kid who causes this much of a ruckus?

which isn't to say if he weremy kid i wouldn't ground him until he turned.....oh 99 or so.....that sounds about right.
posted by Skygazer at 11:32 PM on October 15, 2009

Isn't it interesting that today Obama was down in New Orleans. Bumped off the headlines and newstickers by a six year old. Sure would hate to show how badly off New Orleans remains. Sure would hate to show Obama promising to fix up that lingering disaster.

Ummmm, I'm pretty sure he was in San Francisco today. The Secret Service doesn't just show up at your work every day, you know.
posted by clorox at 11:37 PM on October 15, 2009

He was in both cities.
posted by dirigibleman at 11:42 PM on October 15, 2009

Just to recap: one ugly flameout, advanced physics, numerous tweets, at least 2 meme worthy photoshop jobs, twenty fake-Kanye quotes (at least two in the form of tweets), a cop pulling his gun on an empty balloon, a bunch of people freaking out about a nonexistent child falling to his death, and at least one good Palin joke.

Metafilter, I wanna kiss you right on your goddamn mouth.....
posted by lattiboy at 11:44 PM on October 15, 2009 [10 favorites]

Holy shit, at the same time? He IS the messiah.
posted by empath at 11:44 PM on October 15, 2009 [1 favorite]

wait, i missed the flameout.
posted by empath at 11:45 PM on October 15, 2009

yeah, where's the flameout? (dammit, this is what I get for skimming an epic thread.)
posted by scody at 11:54 PM on October 15, 2009

Flameout (sorta, more just an ordinary derail) begins here.
posted by dhartung at 12:25 AM on October 16, 2009

That's not a flameout, that's a righteous rant. PB nailed that douchebag dead on.
posted by five fresh fish at 12:32 AM on October 16, 2009

All thanks to Wife Swap!
posted by setanor at 12:36 AM on October 16, 2009

I'm embarrassed to admit that dirigibleman is sending me into giggle fits.
posted by granted at 12:59 AM on October 16, 2009

All thanks to Wife Swap!

*grumbles* So, 800+ comments, here we go...
posted by From Bklyn at 1:19 AM on October 16, 2009

Sticherbeast: "Wolf Blitzer finally pries at the dad over the "we did it for the show" comment. "

I asked you to ask him why didn't he come out after he heard you and his mom and everybody else screaming for Falcon.

And you said to him "Falcon, why didn't you come out?"

And Falcon said "Mmmm... you guys said that, mmmm... we did this... for the show."

And you said "Mmmm."

Metafilter: Mmmm.
posted by Rhaomi at 1:19 AM on October 16, 2009 [1 favorite]

Coming home tipsy to an 800-comment Metafilter thread makes for a great evening... It would also be a lot of fun to write "SPOILER: he's in a box in the attic of the garage" as the second comment and watch the aftermath.

That's what reading it on Reddit would be like.

Also, more puns.
posted by rokusan at 1:35 AM on October 16, 2009

Alright, now that I'm caught up. This has been quite a thing, America. The only upside I can see is the whole "we did it for the show... pfft." Almost makes up for it all.
posted by From Bklyn at 1:49 AM on October 16, 2009

It sounds like the family went into this hoax without a very good exit plan.
posted by creasy boy at 2:27 AM on October 16, 2009 [1 favorite]

I think statistically, the likelihood being on Wife Swap and having your kid involved in a riveting national mishap that dominates the news for three hours on a Thursday afternoon are pretty unlikely experiences to occur in the same life.
posted by A Terrible Llama at 2:55 AM on October 16, 2009 [2 favorites]

That's not a flameout. Wait a over promise and under deliver.
posted by chunking express at 4:56 AM on October 16, 2009

Also, I'd like to take a minute just sit right there and i'll tell you how I took off in a balloon filled with hot air
posted by chunking express at 5:08 AM on October 16, 2009 [1 favorite]

It sounds like the family went into this hoax without a very good exit plan.

...Parachutes?
posted by the littlest brussels sprout at 5:37 AM on October 16, 2009

As for the kid ooops! telling the truth to Uncle Wolf. I love it. Hardest I've laughed all week. Hope I live long enough for him to live long enough to grow to maturity and write some kind of memoir.

I'm actually starting to like this story. Belly-laughs and all.

It made me hate America so much I'm googling for the nearest Communist Party recruitment center.
posted by DU at 5:38 AM on October 16, 2009 [2 favorites]

Kid Charlemagne: "I think you underestimate people's desire to mock and ridicule others so that they, themselves, can feel, uh, let's say adequate. ... Thanks to reality TV that guy doesn't have to try to get me to say "What ho varlet" or whatever he wanted me to say, and his girlfriend doesn't have to worry about me putting him in traction. They can sit in the comfort and safety of their living room and people will line up to make asses of themselves."

I'm a primate and make no apologies for it - having had no say in the matter. Which means that dominance hierarchies are a feature, not a bug. So when I finish a day of wage-slavery and settle in front of the idiot box [will that locution become mysterious as flat screens become the norm?] to enjoy Hell's Kitchen, I do so with the very conscious intention of jeering at the squirming haplessness of the contestants, whom Bourdain has so aptly described as "the lame and the halt". That this makes me no better, in the developmental scheme of things, than a hooting chimp flinging his excrement through the bars of his cage troubles me not a whit. Beats blowing kids up in Afghanistan, seems to me.

oh yeah... "What ho, varlet!" hee hee...
posted by Joe Beese at 5:59 AM on October 16, 2009

Beats blowing kids up in Afghanistan, seems to me.

With a bar this high, I marvel you manage to clear it every single night.
posted by DU at 6:03 AM on October 16, 2009 [5 favorites]

The Heene Boys' music video - SLYT:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EBWJXXgaYBo
posted by jgirl at 6:03 AM on October 16, 2009

That would require a lot of sophistication, really more than a six-year-old could have -- inventing "you guys said we did this for the show" would require him to understand the nature of the publicity he'd gotten, the fact that it could benefit his parents in some way, the plausibility of the scenario that they'd put him up to it. He just looked confused that his father was asking him this question. Six-year-olds tell lies, but they're on the level of "Brian did it," not "You guys set me up in order to get free publicity for your projects."

Well, I think that's accurate, but at the same time I think it's possible that the kid was just "improvising". Like, he thought at the time that hiding and making people think he was in the balloon would be dramatic, so he he did it.

Then later he's asked why he did it and he says "for the show". That was the truth, but it was his idea, not his dads.

The I think that's the case is that if it had been for the show and his father put him up to it, then I think his dad would have told him not to tell anyone that. He would have said something like "Whatever you do, don't say we were doing this for the show, because if you do we'll have to pay for all the helicopters, etc!"

So I think falcon was telling the truth, but that he had decided to hide on his own.
posted by delmoi at 6:07 AM on October 16, 2009

Now that the potential tragedy part is over, I wonder how many of us are fixated on the story because it provides a distraction from the rest of our lives. It's rubbernecking to be sure, and I am not accusing anyone of following it just to feel morally superior to the family (though it's apparent that some do feel that way). It's just much easier to think about this story - which did not directly affect any of us than it is to dwell on sickness, unemployment, unpaid bills, or the dirty dishes in the sink.
posted by desjardins at 6:09 AM on October 16, 2009

It sounds like the family went into this hoax without a very good exit plan.

Oh, I get it now. This entire charade... the whole thing was one big allegory.

See, the father, that's Cheney, with his cloud chasing club representing the Project for the New American Century, you know, Wolfowitz, Bolton, Scooter, all those cats.

Now, Boy In Balloon, or Weapons of Mass Destruction, whatever you want, is a Big Scary Thing of which the public was to be convinced. Cue the brother who supposedly rang the alarm on this terrible Big Scary Thing -- or Colin Powell at the United Nations with the Salt Shaker of Terror.

The UN, by the way, being faithfully portrayed by the mother as a crazy, foreign, yet ultimately inconsequential accessory.

(The media, meanwhile, typecast as usual, play the media. Go figure.)

And so we arrive at the tragic hero of the operetta, little George W. Falcon, who never elected to be in this position but is now put forward to cut the cord of public opposition and thrust the balloon of war violently, aimlessly into Mesopotamian skies, its superior engineering and zealous tenacity ultimately thwarted as it strands in the muddy field of sectarian violence.

Asked about the whole ordeal, our hero mumbles, "You guys said... Mission Accomplished?"

The other brother can be Blair, or a tree or whatever. I don't care.
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 6:09 AM on October 16, 2009 [7 favorites]

It could also have been cooked up by him and his other brothers, without his parents knowledge.
posted by delmoi at 6:14 AM on October 16, 2009

It's rubbernecking to be sure, and I am not accusing anyone of following it just to feel morally superior to the family (though it's apparent that some do feel that way)

Well none of my kids ever launched a rogue balloon, caused a worldwide panic and embarrassed me on national TV.


*Hrmph!*
posted by mazola at 6:15 AM on October 16, 2009 [1 favorite]

Has there been any confirmation this was actually a hoax, and not just a 6 year old being stupid.

Because, 6 year olds are pretty fucking stupid.
posted by chunking express at 6:16 AM on October 16, 2009 [8 favorites]