Why God Made Convenience Store Cameras
October 15, 2009 3:55 PM   Subscribe

This post was deleted for the following reason: This cuts a little close to the ol' Fark bone, really. -- cortex



 
That's just astounding. Drunk beyond drunk.

Myself, I puke and pass out before I EVER get to that point.
posted by hippybear at 4:00 PM on October 15, 2009


There's plenty of jokes in there, but this just makes me sad as hell.
posted by milarepa at 4:01 PM on October 15, 2009


That's what I call a LOLcoholic!
posted by brain_drain at 4:01 PM on October 15, 2009


Man, that beer must've been HEAVY.
posted by 1adam12 at 4:03 PM on October 15, 2009


The commenters on Reddit thought the gentleman might have had a bit of Special K before going on the beer run.
posted by birdherder at 4:06 PM on October 15, 2009 [1 favorite]


Note that he failed to get more beer. That's the definition of too drunk.
posted by Jimmy Havok at 4:06 PM on October 15, 2009


He's totally on some dissociative like ketamine or dxm or something. That ain't no alkyhol!

My friend said "He's got a bad case of Gravity"

Notice how he reacts to light -- the cooler lights are intense, the door he reacts to...

How'd he get there is what i wanna know.

Also, I think he looks a lot like my friend, I may have to check up on him.
posted by symbioid at 4:07 PM on October 15, 2009 [1 favorite]


Note that he failed to get more beer. That's the definition of too drunk.

The definition of a drinking problem.
posted by CunningLinguist at 4:08 PM on October 15, 2009


Go to bed man.
posted by fire&wings at 4:09 PM on October 15, 2009


I used to see these guys on my way to work when I lived in MN. They'd always be that wrecked. I could never figure out how they could manage to do this my 8 a.m. My roommate cleared it up, pointed out they were still going from the night before.

I once saw a guy like this, the clerk refused to see him more beer, so he got in his car and drove to the bar 7 miles away. I trailed him, trying to call for the cops. 911 gave me to the city my cell service was out of. They dropped me to the cops in the closest town who told me it was the Sherif's job. I yelled at that guy and said, "I hope he doesn't kill someone while you are trying to figure out whose fucking job I am doing!"

In the end, he made it to the bowling alley before any cops saw hi driving. When confronted he denied it, even though I'd called in his plates and followed him all the way there.

This said, I want a "weak sauce" tag. I mean this is funny in a LOLdrunks sort of way, but I don't think it's the best fit for here.
posted by cjorgensen at 4:09 PM on October 15, 2009


My friend said "He's got a bad case of Gravity"

Except in a few instances, like at the end, he's got 2 or 3 more gravity vectors going on than the rest of us.
posted by GuyZero at 4:11 PM on October 15, 2009 [2 favorites]


yeah, i just came here to say he looks like he's in a k-hole.
posted by empath at 4:11 PM on October 15, 2009


It's worth watching til the end btw. The bowl-clutching denouement is unsurpassed.
posted by fire&wings at 4:11 PM on October 15, 2009 [3 favorites]


Bogus? Carefully recorded and edited tape? Excellent clarity and mobility for surveillance tape.
posted by Cranberry at 4:12 PM on October 15, 2009


I actually think he's moving from alcohol related fuddlement to vertebrae related paralysis when he hits that shelf at the end.
posted by fire&wings at 4:12 PM on October 15, 2009


"Officer, I only had a few beers."
posted by gagglezoomer at 4:14 PM on October 15, 2009


As in All Things, Mime must Evolve.
posted by robocop is bleeding at 4:18 PM on October 15, 2009


Bogus? Carefully recorded and edited tape? Excellent clarity and mobility for surveillance tape.

I work with video and I'm pretty sure it's digital video source, and of a quality that's merely decent. You can buy surveillance cameras at Microcenter that are at least that good. I'd want that much coverage in my convenience store-- they get robbed frequently.
posted by Mayor Curley at 4:18 PM on October 15, 2009


America's DJs, if there was ever a time for a 4-minute keyboard cat extended club megamix, this is it.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 4:19 PM on October 15, 2009 [2 favorites]


Oh, wow. Hope he doesn't own a car and that all the other people who'd driven there had locked their car doors. Eeeeks.
posted by heyho at 4:21 PM on October 15, 2009


It's worth watching til the end btw. The bowl-clutching denouement is unsurpassed.

"Please, sir, may I have some more?"
posted by ericb at 4:22 PM on October 15, 2009


Longer version, with soundtrack.
posted by CunningLinguist at 4:22 PM on October 15, 2009


What it really reminds me of is a turtle flipped over on its back. Gotta give him credit for determination though.
posted by scalefree at 4:32 PM on October 15, 2009 [1 favorite]


Always blow on the pie.
posted by nosila at 4:34 PM on October 15, 2009


He even tries to put the bowl back on the counter at the very end of the video.
posted by NoMich at 4:36 PM on October 15, 2009


How do we know that this isn't a floating store on rough seas and the employees are just used to it.

Seriously though, no amount of alcohol does that too you. He definitely added something else to the mix.

I love how he tries to play it cool when the guy notices him over the counter, like he's just chilling on the floor for a minute.
posted by diogenes at 4:37 PM on October 15, 2009


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