Policing in New Zealand

October 15, 2009 4:24 PM

It's Friday in NZ, so I'm busting out the SLYT early. The New Zealand Police come in for their share of criticism, just and unjust. Here, an officer is caught in action.
posted by i_am_joe's_spleen (50 comments total)

?
posted by oddman at 4:26 PM on October 15

Good advice nobody wants a thermonuclear pie in his mouth.
posted by Science! at 4:26 PM on October 15

Needs more airborne 6 year old.
posted by fire&wings at 4:29 PM on October 15 [7 favorites]

Needs more airborne 6 year old.

THERE WAS NO AIRBORN 6 YEAR OLD.

He was in the attic. That is all.
posted by filthy light thief at 4:31 PM on October 15

Clearly NZ police require tasers.
posted by anigbrowl at 4:32 PM on October 15

> Wait, he was born in the attic? Like at Christmas? This really is a miracle. Praise the lord!
posted by anigbrowl at 4:35 PM on October 15

Safer Communities Together!
posted by phrontist at 4:37 PM on October 15

CCTV footage of what happened later in the BP service station.
posted by selton at 4:38 PM on October 15 [1 favorite]

You must always blow on the pie.
posted by idiopath at 4:41 PM on October 15 [1 favorite]

Is that code? I mean, I didn't even realize he had a service station.
posted by gman at 4:49 PM on October 15

You Must Always Blow On the Pie was a short-lived fetish magazine from 1972.
posted by Astro Zombie at 4:53 PM on October 15 [2 favorites]

Theater of the absurd, starring random Kiwi cop.
posted by GuyZero at 4:53 PM on October 15

i_am_joe's_spleen: "It's Friday in NZ, so I'm busting out the SLYT early."

Are SLYT links somehow relegated to Fridays now? Is this an Oceania thing? Or are you thinking of Flash Friday?
posted by Plutor at 4:56 PM on October 15 [1 favorite]

He was in the attic with a catholic priest. The balloon was a diversion, and you fell for it, you all fell for it!
posted by biffa at 4:57 PM on October 15

Larry Johnson: Sorry about the...
Foster: All right meow. (1) Hand over your license and registration.
[the man hands him his license]
Foster: Your registration? Hurry up meow. (2)
[Mac ticks off two fingers]
Larry Johnson: Sorry.
[the man laughs a little]
Foster: Is there something funny here boy?
Larry Johnson: Oh, no.
Foster: Then why you laughing, Mister... Larry Johnson?
[pause]
Foster: All right meow, (3) where were we?
posted by nola at 4:59 PM on October 15

I can't understand what he's saying. what's with the pie at the bp station?

I'm not kidding, I don't understand this "unusual response" ...
posted by krautland at 5:00 PM on October 15

It's 1287 AD here in the Northern Hemisphere, so I'm going to go ahead and ask which of the dudes in the video is the drunker one.
posted by DU at 5:02 PM on October 15

Again, "weak sauce" tag please.

Or some context. was he soliciting a bribe, but when he found out the guy only had "3 dollars" realized this wasn't a good mark? Was it the pie.

Fuck you! No Fuck you! Who likes pie? (Man, I'd link to the cortex comment if I could find it and maybe this joke would be funny).

As is, flagging and moving on. Though, I have to admit this was a bit funnier than the drunk dude.
posted by cjorgensen at 5:05 PM on October 15

Always blow on the pie.

Absolutely goddam right.
posted by lumpenprole at 5:06 PM on October 15

[this is good]
posted by turgid dahlia at 5:07 PM on October 15

ALWAYS BLOW ON THE PIE
posted by boo_radley at 5:07 PM on October 15 [1 favorite]

Does this have anything to do with yellow cake uranium?
posted by MysteriousMan at 5:08 PM on October 15

Dear New Zealand,

Thank You for making us look slightly less polite, helpful and dorky.

Sincerely,
Canada
posted by mannequito at 5:13 PM on October 15 [2 favorites]

I'm not kidding, I don't understand this "unusual response" ...

New Zealand is a nuclear-free zone. The Piegate scandal may ultimately result in several high-placed resignations in the NZ police department.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 5:14 PM on October 15

This is amazing. I love being a Kiwi.
posted by mhjb at 5:15 PM on October 15

Context for krautland and cjorgensen:
- the clip is from a local reality/doco show.
- the police customarily stop and talk to people in the small hours of the morning, particularly the young
- the teenager in question explains himself by saying he is off to buy a pie from the convenience store at a petrol station
- the concerned policeman ensures that the teenager has enough money to purchase a pie
- knowing that service station pies are very hot in the middle at 3AM in the morning, and concerned that the young man might hurt his mouth, the policeman reminds the teenager of the importance of blowing on the pie.

There is absolutely nothing funny about this at all.
posted by i_am_joe's_spleen at 5:16 PM on October 15 [1 favorite]

ALWAYS blow on the Pie.
posted by Cat Pie Hurts at 5:17 PM on October 15

If there's anyone who will know that a pie purchased at a BP station at three in the morning is going to be hot enough to burn, it's the police officer who regularly buys them at the BP station at three in the morning while on duty.

Also: We Have Always Lived In The Castle Blown On The Pie.
posted by davejay at 5:20 PM on October 15

MetaFilter: SAFER COMMUNITIES TOGETHER!
posted by DU at 5:22 PM on October 15

I actually think this is subtle, smart police work. The kid is kept off-balance by aggressive questions ("Where are you going?") and non-sequitur ("Always blow on the pie."). He just might say something stupid that will indicate a less-than-savory reason to be up at 3 a.m.

Mmm, savory pie.
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 5:28 PM on October 15 [2 favorites]

I'm not kidding, I don't understand this "unusual response" ...what's with the pie at the bp station?

The "bp station" is a service or "gas" station- operated by the British Petroleum company

In Australia and New Zealand we eat hot meat pies- pretty much everyone does and for every meal- except our vegetarian friends of course.

A pie sitting in a warmer for an extended period will render the gravy very very hot (or thermo nuclear as the office terms it). In eating a pie, one must be mindful of the following:

1. Biting into the pie and burning the periphery of one's mouth- not the lips, but the cheeks around the lips and if unlucky the chin


2. If the pasty is soggy, the pie may disintegrate and deposit a lava flow of hot gravy all over one's hand, shirtfront or if unlucky bare chest -most Australians (and possibly) New Zealanders to not wear shirts- rather they prefer draping their national flag over their shoulders

posted by mattoxic at 5:32 PM on October 15 [2 favorites]

It's funny because it's 3AM and has 3 dollars to buy a pie, and pieisexactlythree
posted by qvantamon at 5:34 PM on October 15

ALWAYS BLOW ON THE PIE, MAN, ALWAYS BLOW ON THE PIE! I'm an insane terrorist criminal maniac and I know that! And always hide in a box in the attic! Can I add "always blow on the pie" to the MeFi Wiki In-Jokes page now?
posted by evilmidnightbomberwhatbombsatmidnight at 5:43 PM on October 15

Thanks for the explanation, mattoxic.

Are these meat pies what the MeFi "pie" thing is about (seems when discussions get silly someone will say something about wanting/needing pie)? Or is that about the American apple/blueberry/cherry type of pie?
posted by gubo at 5:43 PM on October 15

It's 3 freaking AM in New Zealand, man, what ELSE are you gonna do at 3 freaking AM in New Zealand? Excuse me, sir, what is that young lady with you doing? SHE'S BLOWING ON THE PIE, OFFICER!!!
posted by evilmidnightbomberwhatbombsatmidnight at 5:46 PM on October 15 [1 favorite]

I'd like to introduce my cousin from New Zealand... the Evil 3AM Pie Blower What Blows Pies at 3AM...
posted by evilmidnightbomberwhatbombsatmidnight at 5:48 PM on October 15

Here's the American version:

Cop: GET ON THE GROUND! GET ON THE GODDAMN GROUND! HANDS BEHIND YOUR HEAD! DON'T FUCKING MOVE!

Dude: But, I...

Cop: Dispatch, I need back-up. Subject resisting arrest!

Dude: Hey, wait, I just...

Cop: *tases dude*

Dude: Sir, if I could justRRRRAAAAARGGGGHHH! *convulses*

Cop: Stop resisting! Stop resisting! Lay perfectly still while reciting the alphabet backwards and touching your finger to the end of your nose without moving your hands! OBEY MY COMMANDS INSTANTLY, YOU MEXICAN PRICK!

Dude: What?! I'm from Poughkeepsie! I'm Italian!

*patrol cars skid onto scene, lights and sirens blaring*

Other Cop: Whaddya got, Jenkins?

Cop: Resisting arrest, assaulting an officer, disorderly conduct, maybe some drugs. Anyone got any drugs?

Other other cop: I've got some coke I was saving for the weekend.

Cop: Great! Possession of narcotics.

Other other cop: Hey! I wanted that! Oh well. I'll get some more out of the evidence room when we get back. You wanna beat him up, or should I?

Other cop: Let Jenkins do it, it was his collar.

Cop: Thanks, Sarge!

*fade to black*
posted by BitterOldPunk at 5:57 PM on October 15 [1 favorite]

It's great policing. "Always blow on the pie: - Safer Communities Together" conveys to the kid that the police are stopping him and asking questions not primarily because they want to stop him doing criminal things to others but because they actually care about him.
posted by hawthorne at 5:57 PM on October 15

It's a brilliant piece of ambiguity in the most ancient of tragi-comic traditions. Is the officer being ironic when he invokes the community policing slogan, or does he truly take himself so seriously as to consider the soft palate of every streetwalking youth part of his jurisdiction?
posted by mhjb at 6:02 PM on October 15

BitterOldPunk: you get the eponysterical *slow clap* of the year!
posted by Cat Pie Hurts at 6:03 PM on October 15

Where's the Kiwi police when I'm eating frozen lasagna? I've burnt the roof of my mouth when eating those things EVERY FREAKING TIME.
posted by qvantamon at 6:04 PM on October 15

Always blow on the bright pie of life.
posted by The Winsome Parker Lewis at 6:10 PM on October 15

More NZ policing.
posted by tellurian at 6:10 PM on October 15

PIE is to NZCOP as DONUT is to USCOP.

The cop speaks from experience.
posted by arzakh at 6:15 PM on October 15

hilarious. love the bro's exxent.

One small addition to mattoxic's explanation - a 'meat pie' may not contain actual meat.
posted by wilful at 6:15 PM on October 15

I'm not kidding, I don't understand this "unusual response" ...

THAT'S JUST IT. The fact that we continually assume that this kind of response is unusual is why the police assume they can get away with it! If this even gets to a prosecutor, which I doubt, expect the police to close ranks in the Thin Blue Line. We'll never get a response and this officer will just go on paid suspension until this whole thing blows over.

The kid just wanted some pie or sumthin and for that, he got a thermonuclear reply! Outrageous.

I predict the police apologists to come out in force claiming pie is code word for drugs or sumthin. SERIOUSLY THOUGH, what kind of drugs can you really buy for only 3 NZD?
posted by napkin at 6:15 PM on October 15

...and when we come back more of the skinheads like the time in christchurch when two officers encountered more trouble than expected when arresting two drunken skinheads for assault and trespass...
posted by turgid dahlia at 6:21 PM on October 15

Look, kids, please, there's one thing you've got to remember if you find yourself at 3:00 AM with $3.00 in your pocket and a yen to buy a pie at the BP station.

We've all been there. You think just because I'm a police officer I haven't bought a pie in the early morning? Please.

Are you listening to me? You think this is a joke?

Fine, then. My advice is this, and never forget it.

Always blow on the pie.
posted by Turtles all the way down at 6:40 PM on October 15

a 'meat pie' may not contain actual meat.

Interesting - so its like their version of a hotdog.
posted by mannequito at 6:41 PM on October 15 [2 favorites]

A few things - the BP station in question is about 100 metres from my house, so perhaps I will head up there at 3am and see if I can buy a pie, an indeed how hot that pie is. A few problems though - the clip is from about 3-4 years ago (I remember laughing my ass of when I watched it on TV) and the pies sold at the BP station in question have changed since then.

The pie at the centre of all this is a meat pie, nothing at all like American Pie. I'm not sure what the American midnight gas station convience store food equivilent would be?

Also, the best bit of the video is the last line "safer communities together" which is the NZ Police motto (would have been more impressed if he'd said it in Māori - "Kaupapa whai Oranga mō te iti me te rahi".
posted by sycophant at 6:42 PM on October 15