June 25, 2001

6:19 PM

Kickass revenge story: Part I and Part II (thanks Follow Me Here!)
posted by grumblebee (37 comments total)

Sorry if this has been posted before. It was new to me.
posted by grumblebee at 6:23 PM on June 25, 2001

it's funny, but not really revenge.
oh no, they took tide. they could've confronted the people instead of resorting to this childish passive-aggresive behaviour.
It's just unsuitable because of the fact that they probably ruined several hundred dollars worth of clothing. And granted, that might've been how much tide these people stole, but two wrongs don't make a right.
posted by starduck at 6:33 PM on June 25, 2001

I don't have a problem with what they did. these people were using stuff from a bottle that wasn't theirs. I think the owner of the bottle has every right to put *whatever they like* in that bottle. it's not like they were putting dye in their neighbor's washer. I think it's brilliant. - rcb
posted by rebeccablood at 6:39 PM on June 25, 2001

two wrongs don't make a right

No, but they make a very satisfying conclusion.
posted by kindall at 6:43 PM on June 25, 2001

I agree, rebecca. No one forced them to steal. Serves them right for doing so. Next would be the battery-acid-laced detegent (if indeed it would work). That stuff makes holes in clothes QUICK!
posted by fooljay at 6:46 PM on June 25, 2001

It's an interesting moral question, starduck. I don't exactly disagree with you -- I’m a little torn to be honest. Here's a question for you: imagine you lived in a really high-crime neighborhood. Would you consider buying an attack-dog and keeping it in your apartment?

For the sake of argument, imagine that it is IMPOSSIBLE for the dog to escape an kill a child or an innocent adult. (Also set aside any moral compunction you might have about cruelty to animals). The ONLY way someone could get hurt by the dog is if they were breaking-and-entering your apartment.

But if they DO trespass, the dog will seriously injure them -- perhaps kill them. What do you think of this scenario?

If you're thinking some nine-year-old might be fooling around and climb in through the window, lets abstract this some more. We're in the year 2136, and instead of a dog, it's a robot. The robot is programmed to only attack grownups that break into your apartment.

Are you wrong to own such a robot? What if you put a sign on your door, explaining that you own one? All someone has to do if they don't want to be hurt is NOT break and enter.
posted by grumblebee at 6:48 PM on June 25, 2001

it's funny, but not really revenge.

It IS revenge, by the way. Someone did something to her, and she "got them back." It may be childish, but isn't revenge always childish? And whether something is passive-agressive or not doesn't affect whether or not it's revenge.
posted by grumblebee at 6:53 PM on June 25, 2001

Oh, I can't wait for Kristin to see this...
posted by solistrato at 7:08 PM on June 25, 2001

Perhaps the neighbor is actually the one playing the mind games: "using" the dye, pretending to fight, and buying cleaning supplies until the author gets complacent. It almost worked, as the author almost used the dye herself. Just a thought...
posted by gyc at 7:23 PM on June 25, 2001

perhaps this is just a good piece of fiction, based on a real event that the author took and just ran with it

Oh, the delicious, delicious irony!
posted by jjg at 8:25 PM on June 25, 2001

whee!
posted by rebeccablood at 8:26 PM on June 25, 2001

Grumblebee: I've been asked to tell you that ruined clothes are in no way equivalent to death and dismemberment.

So will rampant speculation as to the veracity of one's online journal be the norm here? Will you need to see the clothes before you buy this story? Sheesh, people, relax. It's a funny story that happened. Deal.
posted by solistrato at 8:49 PM on June 25, 2001

who asked you to tell me?
posted by grumblebee at 9:29 PM on June 25, 2001

I have been metafiltered! Thanks for the link, grumblebee :)

I could never write a story that played out to be as amusing as this one did, although I appreciate the compliment that it might be fiction. And they did indeed fall for it over, and over again, I am guessing, because there are 4-6 adults living there, all doing their own wash, and each one thinking they are the only ones stealing our detergent.

And you are all right - it was childish. Childish, and funny as hell.
posted by kristin at 9:45 PM on June 25, 2001

This is the type of revenge idea that I wish there was a web site for. The revenge is almost poetic in its punishment. I would love to find a site where you could post yur situation and then receive thoughts on how to best extract revenge.
posted by DragonBoy at 9:51 PM on June 25, 2001

*clasps hands*
(in Vincent Price voice) Delicious!
posted by dong_resin at 10:11 PM on June 25, 2001

grumblebee: Re - the robot in my apartment in the future. Hell, yes. It's called "private property" - no moral qualms about protecting me, my family, or my possessions. One question: could the robot be Bender? I like his style.
posted by davidmsc at 10:48 PM on June 25, 2001

Bender is not exactly the best choice for home protection. He'd probably be the one to make off with your silverware.
posted by kindall at 11:25 PM on June 25, 2001

So...

Are they all wearing purple clothes?

did you mention that?

Does the neighbourhood now think they are some kind of a cult?
posted by Grangousier at 12:28 AM on June 26, 2001

But if they DO trespass, the dog will seriously injure them -- perhaps kill them. What do you think of this scenario?

Well, if the dog only attacked people I wanted it to attack (IOW, not friends coming over to the house, but only people who break in or mean to do harm), I say an emphatic YES.

For the record, I would also be fully in favor of the Texas home invasion law if there weren't so many things that could go wrong (child finding gun, etc).

My house, my property, my family, my life. You invade that and you shouldn't expect me to serve tea and biscuits on a sterling silver serving set.
posted by fooljay at 2:28 AM on June 26, 2001

I lived in an apartment complex where one of my neighbors stole our laundry. We had a complete set of very nice towels and after one load, we were short a couple towels. These were a wedding gift and we were rather fond of them. To our surprise, our missing towels appeared on a drying rack outside our neighbor's house several weeks later. She denied up and down and claimed they came from Target (which I know is patently false).

Sometimes a little childish revenge works much better than adult confrontation. Our adult confrontation was met with childish denial.

Bravo, I say.
posted by plinth at 4:36 AM on June 26, 2001

Dragonboy - try alt.revenge. It's been years since I read it, but they have some imaginative ideas.
posted by MrImpossible at 6:00 AM on June 26, 2001

That woman is a psychopath! It seems her standard response to any perceived injustice is virtual terrorism.

After a flatmate entered her room without permission, she retaliated by destroying audio cassettes, telling people the girl had herpes, supergluing draws shut, dismantling her bed, putting mealworms in her cereal, planting poison ivy in her window box, locking her out of the flat, gluing shoes to the floor, and covering her clothes with full concentrate musk.

What a psychopath!
posted by MarkC at 6:42 AM on June 26, 2001

Oh, by the by, if I had been taken in by the bottle switcheroo (and I'm not the type to steal someone else's detergent, so that's unlikely), I'd pour from one into the other so they'd both be contaminated and make sure I brought my detergent with me from then on.

This is a variant of the joke wherein a guy leaves his beer with a note that says "I spat in my drink" before he goes to the restroom and comes back to find the addition, "I spat in your drink too."
posted by plinth at 7:44 AM on June 26, 2001

I'm surprised nobody's mentioned The Princess Bride:
Buttercup: And to think, all that time it was your cup that was poisoned.
Man in black: They were both poisoned. I spent the last few years building up immunity to iocaine powder.
posted by whuppy at 7:46 AM on June 26, 2001

*cough* MarkC, did you read why she did it? The girl was accusing her of stealing a phone number, which she discovered by breaking into and entering her room.
posted by tweebiscuit at 7:47 AM on June 26, 2001

Half credit for you, plinth!
posted by whuppy at 7:47 AM on June 26, 2001

It was very funny, and since these people were stupid enough to fall for it nearly six times, they probably got what they deserved. But it would have been easier to simply bring the detergent upstairs behind locked doors. Then they would have been forced to buy their own, no?

Still very funny, Kristin.
posted by terrapin at 8:08 AM on June 26, 2001

sorry, I didn't mean to cause an uprising.
The writing was very good and funny, I'm just one of those people that thinks that if things can be prevented, they should be.
A situation where your neighbor stole your clothing and won't admit it is near impossible to solve without the help of some form of revenge. However, this is completely different.
The problem of stealing tide, which is a petty one (allthough still theft), could've been solved simply by, as said before, forcing your neighbor to use their own by putting yours in a locked room or closet. Simple, nobody gets hurt. You could also confront them (don't knock it till you try it).

Wow, I wonder if anybody is even reading this thread anymore.
posted by starduck at 8:41 AM on June 26, 2001

I'm still reading it (just got to work)...and this was very funny and, IMHO, perfect revenge!
posted by msacheson at 9:06 AM on June 26, 2001

robots can't kill people, it's the first law. robots can kill monkeys, however.
posted by cheesebot at 9:13 AM on June 26, 2001

Note to self - Do not piss off Kristin, she goes seriously freakin' overboard.

Re: Note to self - I'll bet you're on her list now dumbass.

Re: Re: Note to self - Shit! Time to move.
posted by y6y6y6 at 9:37 AM on June 26, 2001

I love you lots Kristin!
posted by thirteen at 9:10 PM on June 26, 2001

"Stop stealing my fucking detergent, asshole", then start locking it up instead of leaving it out.
Nobody has a responsibility to tell people not to steal their stuff. I may be stupid if I leave my doors unlocked and my keys in the ignition of my car, but it is not a invitation to take my things. It is impossible for me to feel anything for the people who got victimized by their own actions.
posted by thirteen at 9:15 PM on June 26, 2001

Kristin, you are brilliant.

A little bit scary, but brilliant nonetheless. I can't believe there are people here who are actually arguing that you should have behaved "like an adult" with thieves.

Sorry, but I'm with thirteen on this one: If you touch my shit, you open yourself up to booby traps.
posted by cCranium at 12:15 PM on June 27, 2001