The Hand of Fate...is delish!

October 28, 2009 4:56 PM

For your Halloween party this weekend, creep out your guests by serving them a Meat Hand.
posted by zardoz (45 comments total)

Nom Nom Nom!
posted by Balisong at 4:59 PM on October 28, 2009

This is disgusting and awesome.
posted by headspace at 4:59 PM on October 28, 2009

How does one dress as a rapist meat-eater for Halloween?
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 5:04 PM on October 28, 2009

Best served with a nice glass of home-made fake blood.
posted by filthy light thief at 5:05 PM on October 28, 2009 [1 favorite]

"Since August I've had a post it note over my desk that simply said 'meat hand'."

I love that.
posted by pziemba at 5:08 PM on October 28, 2009 [4 favorites]

Meathand, open up your beef, open your turkey
Open up your lamb, never, never gonna lose it
Breadfan, baste it all away, never burn an inch
Gotta add some mint, gotta make me a meatloaf
Meathand, you got strong, some vegetarian's
Gonna vomit in the end, what a fool
Keg grill, roast it all the way, roast a bird, roast a man
Roast a ghost, cook what you wanna eat
posted by Inspector.Gadget at 5:13 PM on October 28, 2009 [2 favorites]

Would it be more appropriate to serve Brain Shooters before the meal, or afterwards?
posted by hippybear at 5:21 PM on October 28, 2009 [4 favorites]

This is so much more disgusting than I expected it to be.
posted by tula at 5:28 PM on October 28, 2009

It's also called a Brain Hemorrhage, hippybear.
posted by ZaneJ. at 5:29 PM on October 28, 2009

Don't forget the fleshworms!
posted by robocop is bleeding at 5:31 PM on October 28, 2009 [1 favorite]

That's disgusting. Well done.
posted by heyho at 5:40 PM on October 28, 2009

I saw this earlier (via slog) just as I was putting a slice of pizza in my mouth. Not a good combo.
posted by saffry at 5:41 PM on October 28, 2009

I'm both moderately repulsed and strangely hungry. Surely someone can make fake blood out of ketchup, right?
posted by MeghanC at 5:47 PM on October 28, 2009

Does anyone know where I can get a Ham Fist?
posted by grounded at 5:49 PM on October 28, 2009 [3 favorites]

For dessert, Bloody Brain Pannacotta. Delish.
posted by wallaby at 5:51 PM on October 28, 2009

Dayum, between this and the "How to cook a steak" thread I'm so hungry I could eat a...meat.
posted by Greg_Ace at 6:07 PM on October 28, 2009 [1 favorite]

Reminds me of a potluck I contributed to many years ago. The theme was edible art. The crowd had a fondness for "the dark side", so I thought what the hell, why not make use a fake severed hand I had lying around (a movie prop). I made a beef spaghetti sauce and just stuck the hand in. But something was missing so I added some green food coloring to the sauce to give it that "lying around rotting for a week" feel.

People hardly touched it. But it tasted fine.
posted by philip-random at 6:09 PM on October 28, 2009

I don't eat meat generally, but I'd eat this.
posted by brundlefly at 6:29 PM on October 28, 2009

I once made a meat gingerbead-man. I mean, gingerbread men are cute, meat is good, so the two together?

Creepy. You make a guy out of dough, and he's all cute and you can still eat him without remorse.

But make him out of meat, and you're in the uncanny valley. The uncanny meat valley.

My family went vegetarian shortly after.
posted by zippy at 6:30 PM on October 28, 2009 [17 favorites]

I was thinking of making one of these out of lentils or something, but I'm not spending $22.50 on a hand mold.
posted by Stylus Happenstance at 6:45 PM on October 28, 2009

If it was made out of bacon it would be Best of the Web.
posted by cazoo at 7:00 PM on October 28, 2009

I love it when something that sounds like a great idea turns out in reality to be a great idea.
posted by Saydur at 7:04 PM on October 28, 2009

Nobody tell Natalie Portman about this.
posted by EarBucket at 7:10 PM on October 28, 2009 [4 favorites]

This would go great with that Jeffery Dahmer costume...
posted by blaneyphoto at 7:15 PM on October 28, 2009

It sounds better without the indefinite article:

"What's for dinner?"
"Meat Hand!"
"Yay!"
posted by Cat Pie Hurts at 7:32 PM on October 28, 2009 [1 favorite]

Of course, my brain just took Cat Pie Hurt's comment and made me realize, this is what it looks like when you actually cook and eat the Hamburger Helper hand.
posted by hippybear at 7:36 PM on October 28, 2009 [8 favorites]

Nobody tell Natalie Portman about this.

Isn't it great? We get Natalie P.'s vegetarian essay this morning and within five minutes there's a 'how to cook a steak' post. Then the Meat Hand shows up!
posted by mannequito at 7:50 PM on October 28, 2009

I just had a Halloween baby shower this past weekend for my sister-in-law. Had I seen this before then, I totally would have found a mold for a baby and made a baby meatloaf that we could have eaten.
posted by chiababe at 7:59 PM on October 28, 2009 [2 favorites]

Apparently MetaFilter is an online haven for meat rapists.
posted by cmoj at 8:00 PM on October 28, 2009 [1 favorite]

That is much more disturbing than I expected.
posted by longsleeves at 8:34 PM on October 28, 2009 [1 favorite]

in case it hasn't already been said ...

If God hadn't wanted us to eat animals, he wouldn't have made them out of meat.
posted by philip-random at 8:42 PM on October 28, 2009

Seeing the title "Hand of Fate" immediately made me think of this.
posted by mike3k at 8:55 PM on October 28, 2009

...I chose the worst time ever to go vegetarian. Mmm, hand.
posted by Neofelis at 9:05 PM on October 28, 2009

mannequito: "Isn't it great? We get Natalie P.'s vegetarian essay this morning and within five minutes there's a 'how to cook a steak' post. Then the Meat Hand shows up!"

That's just the meat hand of the market at work.
posted by brundlefly at 9:08 PM on October 28, 2009 [4 favorites]

Let's not forget the thorax cake!
posted by tickingclock at 9:30 PM on October 28, 2009

Don't forget SPAM, the marble of meats, easy to carve and whittle. A few Halloweens ago I made a fetus out of spam, and carried it around in a mason jar full of green Kool-aid. I think the party host's dog ate it near the end of the night, if drunken memory serves.
posted by benzenedream at 9:52 PM on October 28, 2009 [5 favorites]

I have meat balls.
posted by twoleftfeet at 11:31 PM on October 28, 2009

I want a lover with a meat hand,
I want a lover with a meaty touch,
I want somebody who will take some time,
Not come and go, in a greasy rush,
Vegetarians and vegans just don't understand,
I want a lover with a meat hand
posted by PeterMcDermott at 12:03 AM on October 29, 2009 [2 favorites]

Manos: the hands of meat?
posted by jadepearl at 12:11 AM on October 29, 2009

Too much work. I'll probably stick with the tootsie roll-grapenuts cereal faux kitty litter.
posted by StickyCarpet at 4:28 AM on October 29, 2009

One recipe I'm trying this year is Scary Finger Cookies. (Caution: Halloween sound effects.)
posted by ObscureReferenceMan at 6:21 AM on October 29, 2009

Oh yeah, I wish I was a better cook, because it would be blast to do a much more extensive corpse; hand, arm, shoulder, torso and head, and serve it to the neighbor kids.

I'd either be the coolest guy on the street, or that weirdo that got arrested while everyone was trick-or-treating.
posted by quin at 9:32 AM on October 29, 2009

Not to be confused with a house made of veal.
posted by Slap Factory at 10:42 AM on October 29, 2009

Oh yeah, I wish I was a better cook, because it would be blast to do a much more extensive corpse; hand, arm, shoulder, torso and head, and serve it to the neighbor kids.

Alternatively, you could just serve them offal. A nice heart, some liver, a few kidneys, cow's brains, chitterlings, tripe, black pudding, etc.

Why feed them fake stuff when you can freak them out by serving the real thing?
posted by PeterMcDermott at 2:44 AM on October 30, 2009

I tried making these hands yesterday. Unfortunately, since I had no kitchen stocked with meat, I had to make do with mashed potatoes, rice, and beans instead. I also wish I had a plastic hand mold somewhere...
posted by movicont at 9:15 AM on October 30, 2009