A rocking tetro-tech banquet and multi purpose events facility!

November 4, 2009 5:05 PM

"When you hear the popular phrase “Party like a rock star” in the national media, one tends to think of tony destinations, glittering venues, and dazzling celebrations. All of these perceptions will apply to Cleveland when The Rockometer building is completed."

"A rockometer is a retro measuring devise or pulse meter, which indicates the “spirit” or civic “heartbeat” of the City of Cleveland. The actual meter...will indicate a visual explanation as to why the meter is pointing to low, medium or high."

Alas, I live in Cleveland and this idea isn't registering on my inner rockometer at all.

posted by subpixel (53 comments total)

"Dear Cleveland Enthusiast"

*⌘-W*
posted by dersins at 5:10 PM on November 4 [4 favorites has favorites]

WARNING SUPER OBNOXIOUS AUDIO ON FIRST LINK THAT MAY BE IRONIC OR SOMETHING BUT WILL SCARE THE FUCKING SHIT OUT OF YOU MAN
posted by kittens for breakfast at 5:10 PM on November 4

When I hear the popular phrase 'party like a rock star' I think of a pretty awful rap song, and a pretty awful energy drink. I love Cleveland, but this idea isn't exactly rocking my world.
posted by box at 5:12 PM on November 4

When I think of "tony" destinations, I think of miniskirts and the rich taste of mahogany.
posted by DU at 5:15 PM on November 4 [4 favorites has favorites]

Huh. Well, they're counting on the Medical Mart/Trade Show venue to bring in lots of visitors and note that there is one big place to feed a lot of people ("only" 1600) during a sit down dinner. This "Rockometer" building (and god, is that an awful name. Could they make something sound less cool if they tried?) will seat at least 2000. So that sounds like a legitimate purpose.

But can I say, that proposed building is ungodly ugly. Especially in contrast with the lovely Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. It's like a 10-year-old designed it.
posted by Solon and Thanks at 5:21 PM on November 4

When I hear the phrase "party like a rock star", someone gets punched in the face.

Also, no actual rock star would ever, ever admit to partying "like a rock star."
posted by GuyZero at 5:24 PM on November 4 [1 favorite has favorites]

It doesn't even go to 11.
posted by clearly at 5:26 PM on November 4 [3 favorites has favorites]

What I'm wondering is what terrible things would have to happen in Cleveland so have the rockometer set to "Low"?

I hope this isn't going to be one of those bullshit things where the rockometer is always set to "High", because that could lead to the potentially very dangerous situation where everyone in Cleveland thinks everything is great, and then when the hammer comes down they won't be prepared for it and will just lose their shit and run around in the streets crying like babies.
posted by awfurby at 5:29 PM on November 4 [3 favorites has favorites]

When I hear the phrase "party like a rock star" I think of every goddamn frat guy who thinks he's Keith Moon because he drinks four red bulls and vodka, whiffs his way down the skank ladder to the tune of "Fiddy"'s latest masterpiece at the local booty club, then goes home to vomit up his post-club Del Taco, alone.
posted by drjimmy11 at 5:31 PM on November 4 [4 favorites has favorites]

"A rockometer is a retro measuring devise [sic] or pulse meter, which indicates the 'spirit' or civic 'heartbeat' of the City of Cleveland."

Unless Cleveland has something else going besides milking the legacy of a lone radio disc jockey who's been dead for half a century, I'm pretty sure that needle ain't gonna be moving too much.
posted by Sys Rq at 5:32 PM on November 4

Drew Carey?
posted by GuyZero at 5:34 PM on November 4

The Rockometer is about as cool as a 45 year old dad dressed up in Hot Topic.

It's as rock and roll as a conference room filled with marketing executives.

It somehow makes Cleveland fail even harder; in that sense, it's the architectural equivalent of the Browns.

I could go on.
posted by Spacelegoman at 5:34 PM on November 4 [3 favorites has favorites]

The Rockometer is where this guy lives.
posted by Avenger at 5:41 PM on November 4 [1 favorite has favorites]

Well, Robert Crumb lived there for a few years. I wonder if Mr. Natural might put in an appearance.
posted by crapmatic at 5:43 PM on November 4

It's "a vision and not a reality" according to caterer and Rockometer visionary Christopher Axelrod.
posted by plastic_animals at 5:46 PM on November 4

When I hear the phrase "party like a rock star" I think of every goddamn frat guy who thinks he's Keith Moon because he drinks four red bulls and vodka, whiffs his way down the skank ladder to the tune of "Fiddy"'s latest masterpiece at the local booty club, then goes home to vomit up his post-club Del Taco, alone.

Yea last night hella sucked bro
posted by clearly at 5:49 PM on November 4 [3 favorites has favorites]

this dude should inspire at least a few death/gore metal songs. i don't know if the rockometer will acknowledge that man's contribution to metal however.
posted by rainperimeter at 5:55 PM on November 4

When I think of "tony" destinations, I think of miniskirts and the rich taste of mahogany.

Which, in turn, make me think of rich Corinthian leather.
posted by Joey Michaels at 5:57 PM on November 4

This is the first time I've heard of Tony Destinations. What kind of music does he play?
posted by nonspecialist at 5:57 PM on November 4

Something tells me that the guy who thought this up is set to "High".
posted by GavinR at 6:00 PM on November 4 [2 favorites has favorites]

Almost certainly will be as as memorable as The Futurific New 1955 Tomorrowrama...Cavalcade of Chrome.
posted by Kronos_to_Earth at 6:08 PM on November 4

Come on down to Cleveland Town everyone... come and look at both of our buildings
posted by jcruelty at 6:11 PM on November 4 [2 favorites has favorites]

Under Construction Since 1868
posted by jcruelty at 6:11 PM on November 4 [1 favorite has favorites]

Also, no actual rock star would ever, ever admit to partying "like a rock star."

Nearly every rock star of the 1970s would not only admit to it, but harp about it constantly. A lot of the ones from the '80s would, too. It all depends on the genre, I think. David Lee Roth, for example, is most certainly a rock star, and would certainly admit to partying like a rock star.
posted by The World Famous at 6:11 PM on November 4

One problem with the Rockometer is the proposed site is where a large parking lot and small airport are located. I'm not sure the city of Cleveland would force the airport out for the sole reason of partying "like a rock star"
posted by greatalleycat at 6:16 PM on November 4

You know, if it can be measured using a meter, you can be sure that it doesn't rock.
posted by Joey Michaels at 6:21 PM on November 4

True. Rock is always measured in imperial units.
posted by oneirodynia at 6:25 PM on November 4 [2 favorites has favorites]

But is its backstage layout sufficiently navigable?

Hello, Cleveland!!! Rock 'n' roll!!!
posted by Doktor Zed at 6:27 PM on November 4

North Marginal Road indeed.
posted by vorpal bunny at 6:35 PM on November 4

Party like a rock star, BRO! Abroham Lincoln. Broseph and the Amazing Technicolor Brocoat.

The ghost of Peter Laughner is laughing like hell right now.
posted by porn in the woods at 6:36 PM on November 4 [1 favorite has favorites]

It would be nice to overlay the video of the guy talking about the Rock-o-meter over the metafilter homepage.
posted by cloeburner at 6:49 PM on November 4

That is worst website.
posted by anazgnos at 6:50 PM on November 4

Are we sure this isn't measuring Rockos? In which case, how many wallabies can Cleveland have that it needs a meter?
posted by klangklangston at 7:19 PM on November 4

'Spiders' doesn't have any legs. Maybe they should change the name from 'Indians' to 'Wallabies.' I bet Akron Zips fans would love it.
posted by box at 7:22 PM on November 4

WARNING SUPER OBNOXIOUS AUDIO ON FIRST LINK THAT MAY BE IRONIC OR SOMETHING BUT WILL SCARE THE FUCKING SHIT OUT OF YOU MAN

Dammit I wish I had looked at the comments first. My insides jumped when that windmill guitar riff burst the hell out of my speakers. Shit man.
posted by nosila at 7:30 PM on November 4

I was gonna snark about the quality of the design, modeling and rendering, but what's the point really? This self snarks itself.
posted by signal at 7:44 PM on November 4

The Rockometer is about as cool as a 45 year old dad dressed up in Hot Topic.

Dude, WTF? I'm not cool? When did that happen?
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 7:46 PM on November 4

Lacks umlauts.
posted by felix betachat at 7:47 PM on November 4

Eh, needs more monorail.
posted by RobotVoodooPower at 7:59 PM on November 4

Yeah.

That's ugly.
posted by delmoi at 8:28 PM on November 4

The only way this could be saved would be if they built a giant robot Fonzie to hang out by it. Robo-Fonz would have the requisite eye-lasers but it would run on hair gel and motorcycle exhaust fumes, and it would occasionally bonk the Rockometer with its elbow or hip-joint to reset it and play new tunes.
posted by Mizu at 9:12 PM on November 4 [2 favorites has favorites]

"I appreciate you!"

???
posted by hanoixan at 10:43 PM on November 4

Also, no actual rock star would ever, ever admit to partying "like a rock star."

Oh, "rock stars," will tell you all about partying like rock stars. They will not only tell you, they will show you. They will do it right in front of you.

Musicians, on the other hand, probably don't have the money, energy, or inclination to engage in such shenanigans. Unless they become rock stars. Sometimes even a little bit of rock stardom, a brief whiff, will result in such partying.
posted by louche mustachio at 10:58 PM on November 4

When I hear the phrase "party like a rock star" I think of every goddamn frat guy who thinks he's Keith Moon because he drinks four red bulls and vodka, whiffs his way down the skank ladder to the tune of "Fiddy"'s latest masterpiece at the local booty club, then goes home to vomit up his post-club Del Taco, alone.

The mention of frat guys made me think of this recent video where frat boys and others rally to reclaim the word "Douchebag". So Im'a using the excuse to post the link, bro.
posted by spoobnooble at 3:52 AM on November 5

Nearly every rock star of the 1970s would not only admit to it, but harp about it constantly. A lot of the ones from the '80s would, too. It all depends on the genre, I think. David Lee Roth, for example, is most certainly a rock star, and would certainly admit to partying like a rock star.

That's kind of the point. David Lee Roth is 55 now. Keith Richards is 65. Partying "like a rock star" has a connotation of acting age-inappropriate or just verging on pathetic, rather than being awesome. Trends have changed, and the youth are getting "crunk" or "hyphy" (do people still get hyphy?) while those who want to be slightly more "mature" might throw Mad Men-themed parties or whatnot.

Partying like a rock star is washed up like Dr. Rockzo, the rock-and-roll clown.
posted by explosion at 4:04 AM on November 5 [1 favorite has favorites]

According to the information on the site*:

The Rockometer would encompass the northeast corner of Rock and Roll Blvd., and North Marginal Road

Hereafter known as Eponysterical Plaza.

*Yes, I found some. Yes, it's about four links in. And yes, you have to download a PDF to do it.
posted by PlusDistance at 4:47 AM on November 5 [2 favorites has favorites]

Maybe once the baseline level of ROCK has been measured, Homeland Security can repurpose the Rockometer to display threat level color alerts.
posted by anthom at 6:23 AM on November 5

when i think of cleveland, i think 'polka!' but hey ... that's just me.
posted by msconduct at 6:32 AM on November 5

I always thought "party like a rockstar" was a shorthand for having done a particular quantity of cocaine. I'm not sure how much, but I suspect it's omewhere between "party like a stand-up comic in 1985" and "party like a stock broker prior to September 2008"
posted by thivaia at 6:53 AM on November 5 [2 favorites has favorites]

I feel like this would be better located on Chagrin Blvd*. Or at Displaced Embarrassment Plaza**.

*Exists
**Pending completion of Medical Mart.
posted by chesty_a_arthur at 7:04 AM on November 5

Wow. that thing is terrible.

The dude who started that abortion lawyered up and sent a cease and desist letter to a local music blogger who's been using the phrase "rockometer" since 2006.
posted by sciurus at 8:05 AM on November 5

Keith Richards is 65. Partying "like a rock star" has a connotation of acting age-inappropriate or just verging on pathetic, rather than being awesome.

Well, I think partying like a rock star has a connotation of suck. Celebrities of questionable talent or whose relationship to music is incidental receiving their nod by way of a journalistic cliche.

The Rolling Stones weren't partying "like rock stars". They were rock stars. Partying "like a rock star" oh-so-desperately tries to persuade you someone has social credit, is on an all different tier, is having the time of their life. I doubt rock n roll attitude needs to be reported this way. Partying "like a rock star" is as rock as a top 20 "artist" who can barely strum his guitar to fake it in the video or tap his foot to a song.

On the other hand, Keith Richards needn't be dubbed a rock star. "Rock star" is defined through people like Keith Richards.
posted by ersatz at 8:56 AM on November 5

This is HILARIOUS. Thank god I don't live in Cleveland. What a disaster. What are they thinking??

"Yeah, mom, I want my wedding at the ROCKOMETER! WOO HOO! TURN IT UP!" But then you're wedding doesn't make it a 10, how sad.

Needs more cowbell.
posted by aacheson at 9:20 AM on November 5