Please design a logo for me. With pie charts. For free.

November 25, 2009 6:19 PM

Please design a logo for me. With pie charts. For free.
posted by ratita (84 comments total)

Normally I don't like snarky stuff but... I couldn't help but LOL.
posted by Nattie at 6:29 PM on November 25, 2009 [3 favorites]

I can't see this ending well for all concerned. Still very funny. As Street Fighter II once said "Round 1...FIGHT"
posted by Damienmce at 6:30 PM on November 25, 2009 [1 favorite]

Ha!
posted by nola at 6:31 PM on November 25, 2009 [1 favorite]

Funny, although, as a designer, I'm pretty tired of all the client-bashing (cf. 1 and 2). People are idiots the world around and it's your task, as the non-idiot, to let them know What Is Up: how much your time is worth, what is a reasonable expectation, what is possible. Person is still an idiot? Let 'em go, man.

* Though #2 is pretty great.
posted by wemayfreeze at 6:32 PM on November 25, 2009 [3 favorites]

previously (sorta)

Yes, David Thorne is a snarky guy. I like his home page... inviting!
posted by dammitjim at 6:32 PM on November 25, 2009

previouslier
posted by dammitjim at 6:34 PM on November 25, 2009

That is genius.
posted by DarlingBri at 6:35 PM on November 25, 2009

"Cause of accident?" I stated 'time travel attempt'
posted by Fiasco da Gama at 6:35 PM on November 25, 2009

When I sell the project for 40 million dollars I will ignore any emails from you begging to be a part of it and will send you a postcard from my yaght. Ciao.

It ain't easy to send a postcard from a yaght.
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 6:36 PM on November 25, 2009 [10 favorites]

For those who wish to be treated with business like respect..avoid all manner of advertising.
posted by naplesyellow at 6:39 PM on November 25, 2009

That's hilarious.
posted by brundlefly at 6:39 PM on November 25, 2009

Metafilter: Unfortunately we are unable to accept drawings as payment.
posted by blue_beetle at 6:40 PM on November 25, 2009 [3 favorites]

HA! The joke's on this David fellow. I'm totally stealing this pie chart. And I ain't paying him one red shilling!

Question: Does NoMich enjoy being hassled by the man?
Answer: click here to see the pie chart that breaks NoMich's answer down to an easily understood concept.
posted by NoMich at 6:43 PM on November 25, 2009

Ok. The Yes/No pie chart made me bust out LOL. I have never before typed the letters LOL and I went ahead and did anyway because reading that really made me LOL.
posted by Babblesort at 6:43 PM on November 25, 2009 [6 favorites]

See NoMich's link above. Jokes on you now NoMich. I'm stealing your link and not paying you a shilling.
posted by Babblesort at 6:44 PM on November 25, 2009

Simon's final response to David should have been David's first and only response to Simon.
posted by Effigy2000 at 6:50 PM on November 25, 2009

Jesus Christ, Simon Edhouse is real. Here's his response on Twitter.
posted by micketymoc at 6:50 PM on November 25, 2009 [4 favorites]

Entitlement vs. Reality: Just because you want something doesn't mean you're getting it.
posted by yeloson at 6:53 PM on November 25, 2009 [2 favorites]

Ah Adelaide ...
posted by awfurby at 6:53 PM on November 25, 2009 [1 favorite]

From: Shannon
Date: Monday 17 August 2009 3.20pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Rescheduling coffee cup duties
Whatever.

lol. this guy's a glorious performance artist. snarky? in advertising? never. (sidenote; is "anonymous " commenter on "never" link asking for metasnarky advertisements?
posted by infinite intimation at 6:54 PM on November 25, 2009 [1 favorite]

Micketymoc, here's Simon Edhouse's website. In which he confuses Gandhi for Robbie Williams.
posted by Fiasco da Gama at 6:55 PM on November 25, 2009

Thank you for brightening my evening with the most brilliant pie chart ever created. Yes/No.
posted by stoneweaver at 6:59 PM on November 25, 2009 [7 favorites]

I support this service and/or project.
posted by Joey Michaels at 7:05 PM on November 25, 2009

The yes/no pie chart made me literally laugh out loud too.
posted by MaryDellamorte at 7:06 PM on November 25, 2009 [1 favorite]

This is how I'd live my life if I was much wealthier.
posted by tkchrist at 7:06 PM on November 25, 2009 [1 favorite]

This guy's officially on one of the patriot lists. (yes, there are many kinds of patriot list.)

Recently, my son Seb took a game called Tower Defense to school on his USB drive. I copied it onto there for him. As far as simple games are concerned, I think it is quite strategic and positive. At least it is not about stealing autos and shooting hookers. While I understand taking USB drives to school is a breach of the rules, I do not feel being banned from using school computers is in any way an appropriate punishment.

I do however feel a suitable and appropriate punishment for handing out medieval metaphysic propaganda to children would be a good old fashioned stoning. -David Thorne (HOTDheroOfTheDay)
posted by infinite intimation at 7:07 PM on November 25, 2009 [6 favorites]

Hahaha, that's hilarious.

I actually laughed out loud at the 'logo'
posted by delmoi at 7:08 PM on November 25, 2009

Ok. The Yes/No pie chart made me bust out LOL. I have never before typed the letters LOL and I went ahead and did anyway because reading that really made me LOL.

That's always how it starts.

LOL.
posted by delmoi at 7:09 PM on November 25, 2009 [2 favorites]

Hilarious. Also: excellent self-promotion.
posted by ropeladder at 7:11 PM on November 25, 2009

The "if using a time machine" label is gold.
posted by YoBananaBoy at 7:21 PM on November 25, 2009 [2 favorites]

Regardless, I have, as requested, attached a logo that represents not only the peer to peer networking project you are currently working on, but working with you in general.

My god, that's hysterically funny; haven't laughed this hard all week! Thanks for the post.
posted by porn in the woods at 7:28 PM on November 25, 2009 [1 favorite]

I did LOL, and I liked this so much, because for once someone creates a pie chart, that even I can understand.
posted by Oyéah at 7:32 PM on November 25, 2009

Simon's final response to David should have been David's first and only response to Simon.

Ah, but then Simon would have continued to pester David for free services, possibly for months to come. This way, David got paid in entertainment while assuring himself that Simon will not be back, in just two days worth of emails. Furthermore, it sounds like being slagged in public by Simon (as no doubt will happen) will be an excellent character reference, since it will keep Simon's friends from trying the same thing.
posted by Jimmy Havok at 7:37 PM on November 25, 2009 [3 favorites]

Fuck all should be a bigger slice of the pie.
posted by Balisong at 7:46 PM on November 25, 2009 [1 favorite]

Thank you for brightening my evening with the most brilliant pie chart ever created.

No no no no no. This is the most brilliant pie chart ever created.
posted by oulipian at 7:46 PM on November 25, 2009 [23 favorites]

Interviews with David Thorne, about his hijinx and self-promotion:
news.com.au
marketingmag.com.au, part 1, part 2
posted by dammitjim at 7:49 PM on November 25, 2009

I can't help but feel this is a double... But I can't figure out how to find the original post.
posted by awfurby at 7:51 PM on November 25, 2009

I understand the need for conformity. Without a concise set of rules to follow we would probably all have to resort to common sense.

I think I'm in love.
posted by Space Kitty at 7:57 PM on November 25, 2009 [3 favorites]

How long before someone appropriates that logo for a real company?
posted by UrineSoakedRube at 7:58 PM on November 25, 2009

What is this, Fark?
posted by killdevil at 8:01 PM on November 25, 2009

My god, that was real? Seriously?

I haven't laughed so hard for a good long while. The pie charts are genius, especially the last one.
posted by jokeefe at 8:10 PM on November 25, 2009 [1 favorite]

Can someone do a MeFi compendium of email exchanges like this? 'Cuz they make me laugh harder than anything else on the internet. e.g. the guy who sent the spider drawing in for payment to the electric company, the shizzy emails, etc.
posted by meadowlark lime at 8:14 PM on November 25, 2009

Fantastic. This made me laugh. Audibly.

Here's my personal favorite pie chart.
posted by eleyna at 8:18 PM on November 25, 2009 [4 favorites]

This is the same dude who pulled the party invitation prank, which I think we had posted here before.

Also, yeah, this is fucking funny.
posted by i_am_joe's_spleen at 8:29 PM on November 25, 2009 [1 favorite]

Metafilter : If you put as much energy into the projects as you do being a dickhead you would be a lot more successful.
posted by swell at 8:35 PM on November 25, 2009

The best part is that towards the end of the exchange Simon still asks,

"Are you going to do the logo and charts for me or not?"

Is he thick, or what?
posted by howling fantods at 8:44 PM on November 25, 2009

This guy is fucking hilarious, I've been reading a few of his email exchanges and this one got another literal LOL out of me.
posted by MaryDellamorte at 8:47 PM on November 25, 2009 [2 favorites]

This guy is fucking hilarious, I've been reading a few of his email exchanges and this one got another literal LOL out of me.

In that one he's the dick.
posted by kylej at 8:51 PM on November 25, 2009

Oops, I was talking about the party invitation one.
posted by kylej at 8:52 PM on November 25, 2009

So Simon is real, and is messaging the Creative Director of Wired telling him it's defamatory: http://twitpic.com/qyscj
posted by bradbane at 8:52 PM on November 25, 2009 [1 favorite]

Simon's Corporate Profile

"NOTE: to all those who might have visited here in relation to a posting by David Thorne on his website, David's story is of course quite untrue, the emails fraudulent, and we will take appropriate legal action, with the Police and through the Courts. - David is a very angry man, and has many problems. Its quite ironic actually, because we would be very happy to pay David well for his graphic design, (if he would just do that, but the difficulties working with him outweigh the benefits) He is an excellent designer and we certainly have the funds to pay him. However, David would prefer to slander and defame and make up this kind of silly nonsense than conduct himself in a professional way. - I have always liked David, but as I said, he has some serious personal issues. (To all other victims of David's vicious pranks... shall we form a support group?) - Cheers, Simon."
posted by cman at 8:57 PM on November 25, 2009

I read a few more of his things on the site and I found funny the ones where he's mocking someone who is (or comes across as) an asshole, and not so much the ones where he's tormenting what seem like ordinary people.

Of the ones I read, I mean. I stopped reading.
posted by marble at 8:58 PM on November 25, 2009

It is funny, but the guy does come across as a bit of a showboat.
posted by Ritchie at 9:00 PM on November 25, 2009

This is a little funnier when it stands alone, rather than when I see it's sort of something he does all the time.
posted by Solon and Thanks at 9:09 PM on November 25, 2009 [5 favorites]

David's story is of course quite untrue, the emails fraudulent, and we will take appropriate legal action, with the Police and through the Courts.

Somehow I find that very hard to believe. I'd bet money that Simon Edhouse will never file suit, but I doubt I could find any takers.
posted by UrineSoakedRube at 9:15 PM on November 25, 2009

BotTorrent commercial project, needs help
Simon Edhouse [simon at virtusoft.net]
Sat Jan 15 03:56:27 CST 2005

Hi,

I am new to this list. So I hope this invitation is OK. I am looking
for people to collaborate on a project to design a commercial
BitTorrent application. Specifically I am looking to find someone with
advanced maths skills who can assist with modelling various scenarios.
All interested parties are welcome to email me to discuss. -
simon at virtusoft.net

Simon

posted by awfurby at 9:26 PM on November 25, 2009 [12 favorites]

not so much the ones where he's tormenting what seem like ordinary people.

Like the 'personal trainers are steroided morons' one? Yeah, the FPP's funny but this guy is a troll.
posted by cribcage at 9:55 PM on November 25, 2009

More clients from hell.
posted by Webbster at 10:04 PM on November 25, 2009 [2 favorites]

Hmm, this makes me wonder if while the initial email was real, the rest of it might have been made up. The invitation thing seems really fake, I can't imagine someone would really be that much of a dick to someone who lives in the same building as them. I mean I guess it might be possible.

But, if a person is really a enough of a dick to write the emails in the 'party invitation' one, then he is enough of a dick to make it up too.

Kind of a Schrödinger's cat of internet trollery.
posted by delmoi at 10:17 PM on November 25, 2009

People are idiots the world around and it's your task, as the non-idiot, to let them know What Is Up

Yeah, but if you've been in the business for any length of time, you've dealt with clients who are like brick walls to reason. Generally they are of the entitled class. They haven't spent a tremendous amount of time paying their rent with their income, and they can't figure out why you can't just be cool and work on this one project. Furthermore, they have a poisonously slippery grasp on how the world works combined with a feeling that if they did it, it would be done faster.

I'll give you an example.

I worked on a site for a band that is about as big as bands get these days. This was a few years ago before myspace had cemented their grip as the sole way that bands communicate to fans. (Hello? Facebook? You still suck at music.)

Anyway, the band wanted us to build this uber fansite where fans could have profiles and list what shows they were going to and write reviews of shows they had been to and make links to their content. etc, etc.

After about three weeks of working on this with many, many email going back and forth with the label rep about what could be done, what the wanted done, how I would do it, how much time it would take, why we were doing it the way we were doing, blah, blah, blah, we have a conference call.

During this call, the guy who I had been obessively emailing every damn detail points us to an old php bulletin board that someone had put up for the band a few years prior. He mentions a couple features on it that hadn't been included in our spec. He asks for them. I say "Well, that wasn't in the spec and we're pretty far down the garden path, so that's going to change the deliverable date." He says "Yeah, but the bulletin board already has the functionality, can't you just drag it over?"

....silence....
posted by lumpenprole at 10:40 PM on November 25, 2009 [7 favorites]

So this is real? I thought most every mail client stripped all of the extra RE:s out of replies nowadays. Maybe those were just added in for effect?
posted by Burhanistan at 10:43 PM on November 25, 2009

Webbster: "More clients from hell."

"Chairs are nice. Attached is a picture of a chair for reference."
posted by idiopath at 11:12 PM on November 25, 2009

MetaFilter: I can't imagine someone would really be that much of a dick
posted by bwg at 11:18 PM on November 25, 2009

From that clients from hell page:

"When I get a business card this size (not 3.5 x 2 inches), I think that that person is a fag."
-Client, after reviewing a 2 inch square business card proof

I used to work in graphic design, and I appreciate good design and the work goes into it and everything, but I kind of agree with this. Well, not the "fag" part. But I think the person is pretentious and design-wanky and doesn't appreciate that their business card won't work in holders and whatnot (in this case, it'll fit, at least, which makes it less horrible, but it's still annoying).
posted by Joakim Ziegler at 11:50 PM on November 25, 2009 [2 favorites]

In my days working in film and TV I met and worked with guys like Simon constantly - for that level at which I could consistently find work is exactly the level most guys like that maintain for the entirety of their careers. It is precisely the personality type that will be most likely to create frothing rage in me, and I'm a guy who has a tough time not finding something to like in people.

The maddening ting is that they will 1.) always have absolutely zero creativity or innovation, but at least a general idea of what leaders in the field are already doing, and are good at talking about it in a way that makes it sound new and exciting, 2.) be able to parlay that confidence in talking about past innovations into superior networking skills, 3.) always insist on working on spec, generally including spending your own money to be recompensed later, which will happen rarely if at all, and if it does it'll be after tons of time and hassling, and 4.) use those networking skills to badmouth anyone who refuses to give free work on their ridiculous demands, or else then hounds them for payment or compensation.

Thorne's other things seem mostly like harmless pranks, but this one seems like divine justice, and my only regret is that Simon will be the only one of this type of fucker burned by it.
posted by Navelgazer at 11:57 PM on November 25, 2009 [5 favorites]

Self-facilitating media nodes never die, they just start wearing black shirts and giving presentations.
posted by Damienmce at 3:29 AM on November 26, 2009 [3 favorites]

This got a spit laugh from me. armbook!
posted by thinkpiece at 5:35 AM on November 26, 2009

e.g. the guy who sent the spider drawing in for payment to the electric company

It's him.
posted by jontyjago at 5:38 AM on November 26, 2009

I picture Simon being played by the boss from The IT Crowd.
posted by EarBucket at 6:41 AM on November 26, 2009 [3 favorites]

How long before someone appropriates that logo for a real company?
posted by UrineSoakedRube

Well, it's already been kind of done.
posted by NoMich at 7:02 AM on November 26, 2009 [1 favorite]

BEST THANKSGIVING POST EVER AH LOL'D!!1

(thank you, ratita)
posted by humannaire at 7:25 AM on November 26, 2009

I usually don't like motorist-on-cyclist hate-humor, but this made me giggle in spite of myself.
posted by availablelight at 7:35 AM on November 26, 2009

Good lord, I've met too many Simons for this to be funny. But, it's actually funny as hell. I especially love the Yes-No pie chart.
posted by Thorzdad at 8:11 AM on November 26, 2009

Point at which I crossed over from chuckling to laughing so hard my eyes were streaming:

I was going to schedule a staff board meeting this afternoon to discuss the issue but luckily Shannon has prepared a colour coded coffee cup cleaning chart for us rendering a staff meeting unnecessary. We should all thank Shannon for taking the initiative and creating a system that will empower us to efficiently schedule client meetings and work commitments around our designated coffee cup cleaning duties. If at any stage our rostered coffee cup cleaning commitments coincide with work requirements, we can simply hold the client meeting in the kitchen. We can wash while the clients dry.

Thanks for this, ratita! Now I really must go work on a color-coded turkey basting chart and a pie-eating pie chart.
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 8:49 AM on November 26, 2009

Clientcopia has thousands of stories about stupid design clients.
posted by neuron at 8:53 AM on November 26, 2009 [1 favorite]

How long before someone appropriates that logo for a real company?

posted by howling fantods at 9:35 AM on November 26, 2009

Well, that didn't work. Let's try a link instead.
posted by howling fantods at 9:40 AM on November 26, 2009 [1 favorite]

wemayfreeze I'm pretty tired of all the client-bashing (cf. 1 and 2). People are idiots the world around and it's your task, as the non-idiot, to let them know What Is Up:

I agree with the client bashing thing, but this isn't client bashing - it's asshole-looking-for something-for-nothing-bashing. And its nicely done too, playing into the irony of taking the time to make these charts just to show the guy you're so unwilling to do the work that you'll waste time telling him no.

Anyone who's been a designer for a while has been asked to do stuff for free by people that should know better. Hell, anybody with any specialized skill probably has. And most should know better. Most probably do, but its that certain personality that has no qualm in taking advantage of others, they feel ENTITLED to whatever they want. Even those that pretend they don't know how much effort it takes is full of it or they'd be doing it themselves.

I've been asked to do free work by friends, family, acquaintances, strangers, etc . . . Some are pretty persistent too, thinking their idea is JUST SO GOOD that you will buy into it and be willing to do the work for free. Or that they are somehow better/different that they shouldn't have to pay. I even had a former employer contact me to do freelance work doing work I used to do for them full time - and then ask me to do some samples for free, "to see the quality of the work." Um, you know the quality of work, I used to work for you doing that exact thing.

I politely say "No, these are my rates" but the revenge fantasy of answering this way is, well, nice...
posted by [insert clever name here] at 9:54 AM on November 26, 2009 [2 favorites]

I loved that after all that he concluded with: "Ok. Good luck with your project. If you need anything let me know."

That actually made me laugh harder than the brilliant yes/no pie chart.
posted by quin at 10:20 AM on November 26, 2009

This got a spit laugh from me. armbook!

My mind boggled for a while about this:

howdoigettowhereiam.com

This site would contain a link to the page the user is currently on.
posted by The Great Big Mulp at 11:56 AM on November 26, 2009

These are wonderful, except for the coffee cup one: I've been that secretary. Hell, I've been that roommate.

Nothing like spending two hours a day cleaning up after geniuses too important to wash dishes, sweep, or, in extreme cases, flush the toilet.
posted by jrochest at 3:55 PM on November 26, 2009 [1 favorite]

Like another said, I don't usually read these funny email fights but this one had pictures.
posted by zzazazz at 8:06 AM on November 27, 2009

For those of you who missed it: cortex's response to a double posting of this item.
posted by UrineSoakedRube at 4:17 PM on November 27, 2009 [1 favorite]

From Thorne's server:Bandwidth Limit Exceeded
The server is temporarily unable to service your request due to the site owner reaching his/her bandwidth limit. Please try again later.

And, on Simon's FriendFeed: To all those who are following the 27bslash6/vs Simon soap-opera, I think I have worked out how to respond to this onslaught, stay tuned. ;)
19 hours ago from Twitter

I wonder if someone told Simon about the wonders of DOS attacks...he sounds like the kind of person who wouldn't understand either the ethical or the legal aspects of DOS.

Of course, it very well could be that all the attention Thorne's site has gotten has caused an actual, honest overload, and that tweet is just more of Simon's bluster.
posted by Jimmy Havok at 1:03 PM on November 28, 2009