FEMA for kids! Let Herman the spokescrab guide you through the catalog of potentially civilization ending disasters.

July 1, 2001 4:11 AM

FEMA for kids! Let Herman the spokescrab guide you through the catalog of potentially civilization ending disasters. Education is great. Entertaining your kids on cabin fevered summer days is better. I have friends that when they bring their young buck over send him to my computer to play the kiddie offerings at nick.com (sorry dead link this time o' night it seems). But I can just hear the sunburned Minnesota five year old who's been overly femafied asking mommy after her bedtime story, "August is hurricane season. Is it windy now because we're going to have a hurricane?" Mom strokes child's hair, "No, here we're only prone to devastating thunderstorms, tornadoes, floods, kidcicle causing cold and blizzards. Now you have sweet dreams and quit worrying about ridiculous things like that. 'Night." Like of course, a kid that age would really find the FEMA website riveting to begin with. . .
posted by crasspastor (9 comments total)

It's disasteriffic!

This reminds of the "for kids" page that used to be on the Tennessee Dept. of Corrections site, complete with FAQ file questions about the electric chair. I wish it was still there.
posted by RylandDotNet at 6:24 AM on July 1, 2001

I'm calling social services.
posted by dong_resin at 6:29 AM on July 1, 2001

They're missing all the good shit.

http://www.fema.gov/kids/dizarea.htm

Where's the fallout? Where's the biotoxins? Where's the motherfucking nerve agents? I want to see the little animations!
posted by Leonard at 8:25 AM on July 1, 2001

The coolest organization is civil air patrol, man searching for wreckage can be fun and productive. remember when Laroche was positive that FEMA was the catalyst for New World Order. Someone should post some stuff on this "ubermensch". I know people who actually believe his crap.
posted by clavdivs at 8:40 AM on July 1, 2001

The spokes(man) is an unknown Crab *yawn* How about Godzilla.. he's been out of work lately.
posted by stbalbach at 8:44 AM on July 1, 2001

The laugh on the Jokes Page is downright creepy.
posted by thebigpoop at 10:00 AM on July 1, 2001

The laugh on the Jokes Page is downright creepy

OH MY GOD!!
posted by crasspastor at 1:04 PM on July 1, 2001

I was looking for "How FEMA will provoke a national emergency, revoke haebeus corpus, institute a military government, put the bill of rights on hold, arrest dissenters and gunowners, invite UN troops onto our soil, and treat all citizens as potential terrorists" for kids, but apparently they haven't finished that part yet.
posted by dhartung at 5:55 PM on July 1, 2001

My personal favorite is still the CIA's homepage for kids.
posted by moss at 3:19 PM on July 2, 2001