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Macaroni and Boom
January 5, 2010 5:59 PM   Subscribe

Kraft Macaroni & Cheese will be the official sponsor of A Cheddar Explosion: The Demolition of Texas Stadium.
posted by GatorDavid (44 comments total) 3 users marked this as a favorite

 
Somehow this feels right to me.
posted by Joe Beese at 6:05 PM on January 5, 2010 [3 favorites]


Seems cheesy to me, too, but the part about having webcams running inside the structure during the demolition sounds interesting. If they're wireless they might send pictures riding down the collapse.
posted by StickyCarpet at 6:13 PM on January 5, 2010


Should collapse just like the Cowboys, quickly and predictably.
posted by punkfloyd at 6:14 PM on January 5, 2010 [1 favorite]


That's what she said.
posted by swift at 6:14 PM on January 5, 2010


Kraft Cheese has been sponsoring my controlled implosions for years now.
posted by XQUZYPHYR at 6:17 PM on January 5, 2010 [19 favorites]


I like explosions as much as the next red-blooded American man, but branded explosion "events"? It feels too much like one of those dystopian plutocratic novels. Especially with such a cheesy (hurf durf) product as the brand in question.
posted by DU at 6:18 PM on January 5, 2010 [2 favorites]


Somehow this feels right to me.

Sure. It's 'food' that's as real as Jerry's 'face'.
posted by Ufez Jones at 6:19 PM on January 5, 2010


Next week, Kraft will launch a national essay contest for children as part of its promotional campaign, said Maura Gast, executive director of the Irving Convention and Visitors Bureau. The winner will get to trigger the detonation at the public demolition experience insidious commercial colonization of their education.

If I'm ever rich, I'll start a Leon Trotsky Biscuit Company, and invite teens to write essays about how they consider Trotsky's Biscuits to be a permanent revolution in the snack experience.
posted by Sova at 6:34 PM on January 5, 2010 [18 favorites]


Ah, product names on everything. How wonderful.

Prediction: In the past and indeed even now, men and women in the armed forces have chalked and painted "cute" mottoes on weapons of destruction (mass and otherwise). This will be the newest form of advertising.

The Future: Bomb bay cams. The cam will show product logos on everything from MOABs to nukes.

The Money Shot: Cameras pan down to the blast target and have cool graphics like, "This EXTREME BLAST brought to you by Mountain Dew Berry Blast!"

Please note that I am not in any way, shape or form anti-serviceperson. While I do not necessarily believe in certain wars, I am 100% behind our service men and women. Paint me with a broad brush and I will be annoyed. Paint them with the same brush and I will get angry. And do nothing. This is the intarweb after all.

This is lame satire, not political comentary. YMMV, Do Not Taunt Happy Fun Ball.

posted by Splunge at 6:36 PM on January 5, 2010 [1 favorite]


I just wish there was cheese food product going all over the place when this takes place. I would totally be there if that was the case. You know, if they filled it with cheese or something, and it just squirted everywhere and it was raining ash and cheese and was just cheese based pandemonium. This is what a cheese food product sponsored explosion event should be.
posted by djduckie at 6:39 PM on January 5, 2010 [14 favorites]


...and it was raining ash and cheese...

DONE!
posted by Splunge at 6:43 PM on January 5, 2010 [2 favorites]


This will end well.


No, really, a building is going to get blown up, and there's about seventy-five grand of macaroni and cheese getting given away. That's about as good as it gets, folks.
posted by Kadin2048 at 6:55 PM on January 5, 2010 [6 favorites]


I just wish there was cheese food product going all over the place when this takes place. I would totally be there if that was the case. You know, if they filled it with cheese or something, and it just squirted everywhere and it was raining ash and cheese and was just cheese based pandemonium. This is what a cheese food product sponsored explosion event should be.

This only works if Nate Newton body surfs out of the implosion on a ten-foot wave of Cheez.
posted by Ufez Jones at 6:58 PM on January 5, 2010 [2 favorites]


The Stadium represents your stomach.
posted by Liquidwolf at 7:12 PM on January 5, 2010 [1 favorite]


They could have done this damn thing before I went on a diet. Mac and cheese, can of water-packed tuna, maybe a cup or two of heated frozen peas, some hot sauce and Adobo, that's some fine bachelor eatin'.
posted by Halloween Jack at 7:42 PM on January 5, 2010


[NOT DIARRHE-IST]
posted by Rhomboid at 7:43 PM on January 5, 2010


So if Kraft M.&C. is sponsor of demolition, could TUMS and Brawny paper towels be co-sponsors of clean-up?

Just sayin'. Carry on.
posted by JoeXIII007 at 8:06 PM on January 5, 2010 [1 favorite]


If Phillip Morris burned it down instead of blowing it up, they could get around cigarette advertising regulations pretty easily. Just sayin'.
posted by Mikey-San at 8:17 PM on January 5, 2010


The Kraft Cheese Implosion will occur in the Year of the Depend Adult Undergarment.
posted by Babblesort at 8:23 PM on January 5, 2010 [5 favorites]


Actually thinking about it, i change my vote... I want pop secret to sponsor it, they fill the whole stadium with popcorn and then ignite it with a 10megawatt laser from an airplane while tears for fears performs their hit "Everybody wants to rule the world". Then Jon Gries shows up in an RV talking about winning the frito-lay contest.
posted by djduckie at 8:25 PM on January 5, 2010 [7 favorites]


Isn't this a job for Brawndo, the Thirst Mutilator?
posted by lukemeister at 8:30 PM on January 5, 2010


Is there anything that isn't sponsored these days? I'm waiting for a terrorist attack to be sponsored by someone.
posted by Chocolate Pickle at 8:40 PM on January 5, 2010 [1 favorite]


Don't they mean A Cheddar-flavored Whey Milkfat with added Casein Explosion?

Seriously y'all. For about a buck more (i.e. $3) you can just melt some store-brand pre-shredded cheddar over elbow mac and wind up with something about 8 billion times tastier.

oh god and add some smoked paprika and crumbled sausage and chopped broccoli ... i'll be in my kitchen
posted by xthlc at 8:49 PM on January 5, 2010 [1 favorite]


It's actually Kraft Cheese & Macaroni.
posted by polluxopera at 8:53 PM on January 5, 2010


No, it's actually Kraft Dinner.
posted by grounded at 9:19 PM on January 5, 2010


I disagree with the timing. This Kraft Dinner Cheddar Implosion should be put on hold until the clock strikes midnight to ring in the start of the Year of the Depend Adult Undergarment. It's only fitting.
posted by gompa at 9:27 PM on January 5, 2010 [1 favorite]


You can argue for homemade macaroni and cheese with all sorts of fancy shit added in all you want - KD has a unique taste (take that as you want) and fills an empty stomach, even if only briefly. I can go years without and then find a box in the back of my pantry...

The only suitable additions to KD - sliced hot dogs or a can of tuna.
posted by jeffmik at 9:28 PM on January 5, 2010 [3 favorites]


Actually, Durkee onions ("french-fried onions") are another great addition. It is used in "Alpenmagroni", a traditional Swiss dish of macaroni and cheese (of course, not cheddar), which includes (oddly, I find, but it works) potatoes. Translates as Mountain Macaroni.
posted by Goofyy at 9:55 PM on January 5, 2010


paging fourcheesemac…
posted by LMGM at 9:57 PM on January 5, 2010 [1 favorite]


Cheesy Blew (up)
posted by vbfg at 2:52 AM on January 6, 2010


They could have paid for the new stadium if they'd gone to FedExField in Washington and sold people bus tickets to Texas and the right to help burn the stadium down and then piss out the fire and then blow it up before shitting on the rubble and wiping their asses with pieces of old Cowboys jerseys.
posted by pracowity at 3:03 AM on January 6, 2010 [1 favorite]


I don't like anything that has to do with Cheddar exploding... it makes me nervous.
posted by Mastercheddaar at 6:08 AM on January 6, 2010


It's too bad they can't implode Giants Stadium. It's only like 20 feet away from the new one so they have to use wrecking balls and such.
posted by smackfu at 6:10 AM on January 6, 2010


It could be done, smackfu. Just put Tom Coughlin and Eli in charge of the project. They did a hell of a job imploding the team this year.
posted by Ufez Jones at 6:28 AM on January 6, 2010


Oh, imagine the possibilities. "Today's whale explosion brought to you by Alpo."
posted by adamrice at 6:29 AM on January 6, 2010


I like spirals. They are way better than those smooth tubes.
posted by morganannie at 6:40 AM on January 6, 2010


This is what a cheese food product sponsored explosion event should be.

Yeah, that's what was going on in my head, too. If there isn't a day-glo orange mushroom cloud of atomized cheese in the air, they have failed in their duties.
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 7:51 AM on January 6, 2010


Damn you Gompa, I was speed-reading this thread in anticipation of making the same joke.
posted by nevercalm at 7:53 AM on January 6, 2010


They should get Barenaked Ladies to play.
posted by papercake at 7:58 AM on January 6, 2010 [1 favorite]


They should get Barenaked Ladies to play.

If I had a million dollars
I'd find a stadium to knock down
If I had a million dollars
You could help, we'd burn it to the ground
If I had a million dollars
Kraft wouldn't have to be our sponsor
...but we would let Kraft be our sponsor. we'd probably just blow up more. maybe that really expensive ketchup factory.

Texas stadium, home of the Robbie.
posted by unregistered_animagus at 9:02 AM on January 6, 2010 [3 favorites]


I played alot of football games there, saw alot of games there, (high school football playoffs every year). This will be sort of a sad event, but I don't expect anyone to understand that.
posted by Senator at 9:42 AM on January 6, 2010


I like spirals. They are way better than those smooth tubes.

Spirals?! It's the blasphemiest!
posted by pracowity at 1:16 PM on January 6, 2010


Seriously y'all. For about a buck more (i.e. $3) you can just melt some store-brand pre-shredded cheddar over elbow mac and wind up with something about 8 billion times tastier.

oh god and add some smoked paprika and crumbled sausage and chopped broccoli ... i'll be in my kitchen


Yeah, the actual cheese-melted on macaroni just isn't the same, texture-wise. It's fine, but you don't get that processed fake smoooooothness that you get with the boxed stuff. It's like eating a sponge cake instead of eating a Twinkie; better, but not the experience you seek.

Also good if heretical additions; peas. I know, most people hate peas, but I love 'em and they're damn good in any kind of macaroni+cheese sauce dish. Also tuna. Hot dogs were kind of..out of place. Tasted ok, but they just looked wrong.

Broccoli...no. Even smothered in bacon and cheese and noodles, my mouth would know.
posted by emjaybee at 8:52 PM on January 6, 2010


I can get a little obsessive about cooking, probably because at 37 I'm still a novice (having been raised on a steady diet of canned green beans and Hot Pockets by a single working mom attending night school, and carrying those eating habits into adulthood). This year I decided to settle the question of "which is the best homemade macaroni and cheese recipe" once and for all.

I tried all of them! Yes, that one. And that one too. Yep, tried it. I even tried just melting cheese on elbow noodles. (That was my least favorite. Pleasing due to its literalness, but it has to be a cheese sauce.)

At the end of my highly scientific series of tests, I determined that Nigella Lawson's recipe is the best. It combines ease of use with extreme deliciousness. I even thought it was tastier (and clearly easier) than the recipes that have you start by making a roux.

(For Americans, it's 425 degrees F, 8oz, 8oz, and one can.)
posted by ErikaB at 11:10 PM on January 6, 2010


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