Everybody wins!

January 6, 2010 9:41 AM

It all started innocently enough with yet another decade retrospective, this time from AfterElton.com, about the gay and bisexual male celebs of the 2000s. At the end was a poll to pick your own favorite. Things start out quietly, but after it's noted that John Barrowman and Neil Patrick Harris were neck and neck in the voting, both NPH and Barrowman made appeals on their Twitters for votes. Soon, celebrity associates of both were putting in their own two cents. Things snowball from there.

Neil Gaiman christens the whole affair with the #biggaybattle hashtag on Twitter while endorsing Barrowman. More celebs weigh in. There's even fan art. Then The Onion and the Wall Street Journal blog take notice.

Along the way, there is even healing, when Neil Patrick Harris and Kevin Smith mend fences over an old interview about Jason Mewes.

Voting is finally over, but the results are still pending.

(Possible NSFW language in Kevin Smith's Twitter.)

posted by kmz (84 comments total)

If only we could get Matt Drudge to weigh in...
posted by hermitosis at 9:45 AM on January 6, 2010

A week ago I would have said Neil Patrick Harris, no contest, but I just started watching Torchwood, and... and..

Is there a term for when a straight guy has a crush on a gay guy?
posted by brundlefly at 9:49 AM on January 6, 2010

One day earlier, and you would have posted this on Big Gay Tuesday.
posted by filthy light thief at 9:50 AM on January 6, 2010

On non-preview:

Is there a term for when a straight guy has a crush on a gay guy?

Mancrush.
posted by filthy light thief at 9:50 AM on January 6, 2010 [1 favorite]

That'll work.
posted by brundlefly at 9:51 AM on January 6, 2010

Is there a term for when a straight guy has a crush on a gay guy?

I think you just make sure to say "Homo" after saying anything nice about him. Some people go for the double negative "No no-homo" but I think that's unnecessarily confusing.

Or we could take a cue from our patron saint and just call it what it is: a "bad romance."
posted by hermitosis at 9:53 AM on January 6, 2010 [4 favorites]

Okay. Enough is enough. MetaTalk.
posted by Damn That Television at 9:54 AM on January 6, 2010 [2 favorites]

Don't you mean "Rad Bromance" hermitosis?
posted by greekphilosophy at 9:56 AM on January 6, 2010 [36 favorites]

Nathan Fillion told me on twitter to vote for NPH a couple of days ago. I obeyed.

Watching this whole thing play out was actually a lot of fun. Some of the Double entendres involved were at once hilarious and wince inducing.
posted by quin at 9:56 AM on January 6, 2010

Apparently I'm randomly capitalizing stuff now. Awesome.
posted by quin at 9:59 AM on January 6, 2010

You know, if Stephen Colbert were to ever come out, this wouldn't even be a contest.
posted by maudlin at 10:04 AM on January 6, 2010 [1 favorite]

I heard about this on Sunday, and spent way too much time trying to decide who to vote for. (Can't they SHARE? What kind of world makes you CHOOSE between Neil Patrick Harris and John Barrowman?)

Finally, VERY RELUCTANTLY I voted for Harris. I decided that Harris' body of work - and his comeback - and being an openly gay actor in America (which is a very different thing from being an openly gay actor in a Russell T. Davies show) tipped me towards his side.

But having read about his deft and gracious apology to Kevin Smith in your 2nd-to-last link? I realize that indeed, I voted wisely.
posted by ErikaB at 10:05 AM on January 6, 2010

Don't you mean "Rad Bromance" hermitosis?

Yes, my mistake! Brundlefly, you are caught in a rad bromance.
posted by hermitosis at 10:11 AM on January 6, 2010 [1 favorite]

Is there a term for when a straight guy has a crush on a gay guy?

College?

Questioning?

Closeted?
posted by aswego at 10:23 AM on January 6, 2010

I certainly love both, but John Barrowman has never been on my list of people given affectionate initial acronym-nicknames so gotta go for Neil. John, you shoulda gone by John Scot Barrowman.
posted by Solon and Thanks at 10:35 AM on January 6, 2010

Lady Gaga? Isn't she really a man? That's what I heard, anyway.
posted by elder18 at 10:37 AM on January 6, 2010

Captain Jack versus Doogie? I mean, c'mon, next we'll be arguing Batman versus Don Knotts. That this is even a question is yet another thing I lay at the feet of dazed Whedonites!
posted by kittens for breakfast at 10:39 AM on January 6, 2010

(fyi the answer is batman)
posted by kittens for breakfast at 10:39 AM on January 6, 2010 [2 favorites]

I can't decide! Doctor Horrible? Or the naked one?

Lady Gaga? Isn't she really a man? That's what I heard, anyway.

If she were, that's one of the most insulting ways you could have phrased that.
posted by ArmyOfKittens at 10:45 AM on January 6, 2010 [10 favorites]

New poll! Who would win in a fight: kittens for breakfast or ArmyOfKittens?
posted by brundlefly at 10:49 AM on January 6, 2010 [3 favorites]

Is there a term for when a straight guy has a crush on a gay guy?

Brundlefly, I've also heard it phrased as "I'm gay for so-and-so." Or Ianto's much more eloquent version, "It's not men, it's just him."
posted by ErikaB at 10:50 AM on January 6, 2010 [2 favorites]

Who would win in a fight: kittens for breakfast or ArmyOfKittens?

Am I allowed to flail helplessly with my eyes closed, going "AAAAAHHHHHHHHH!"

If so, kittens for breakfast.
posted by ArmyOfKittens at 10:53 AM on January 6, 2010 [1 favorite]

I have a pretty bad cold, and the meds I'm taking for it tend to make me twitchy and easily startled. Hence, I think this may be the one instance where AOK's fighting style would likely prove victorious.
posted by kittens for breakfast at 10:58 AM on January 6, 2010

U-S-Gay!
posted by ericb at 11:00 AM on January 6, 2010

ArmyOfKittens could have kittens for breakfast for breakfast.
posted by permafrost at 11:06 AM on January 6, 2010 [4 favorites]

Is there a term for when a straight guy has a crush on a gay guy?

In my case, I'm Fillionsexual. I can appreciate the hotness of other guys too, but it feels like cheating a tiny bit on Nathan when I admit to more.
posted by kmz at 11:09 AM on January 6, 2010 [3 favorites]

It is my very own Sophie's choice.

You can't make me choose.
posted by divka at 11:09 AM on January 6, 2010

Is there a term for when a straight guy has a crush on a gay guy?

My personal favourite expression: 'hetero-boner'.

"I have a total hetero-boner for Neil Patrick Harris." for examples. This sentence is both correct in grammar and in content.
posted by slimepuppy at 11:17 AM on January 6, 2010

For a more personalized use, riffing on kmz's excellent 'Fillionsexual', I'd have to be Edward Nortoncurious.
posted by slimepuppy at 11:18 AM on January 6, 2010 [1 favorite]

My best straight dude pal from college had a mancrush on John Goodman (cuddling ability, sense of humor, and too much Roseanne at a formative age were the main reasons as far as I could discern). This thus proves that the word is not limited to describing a straight on gay crush, but is in fact wide enough to describe straight on straight male attraction. However, I have also heard the term mancrush used to describe a "dude you wish to be like." I remain puzzled on the precise etymology and definition of the term. I think in order to clean this mess up, we need a more gender neutral term for that "person who is cooler than you that you follow around like a puppy but it's not at all sexual" thing.
posted by edbles at 11:22 AM on January 6, 2010

New poll! Who would win in a fight: kittens for breakfast or ArmyOfKittens?

Depends on how hungry someone is.

An army of kittens sounds like a really big meal, so I'd also need to get some clarifications: could this breakfast of kittens spread over a series of days, or is it a single-sitting thing? How big are those kittens in the army? I don't think there's all that much meat on your average kitten, but if they really gain a pound per month, an army of 1 month old kittens and an army of 3 month old kittens is a big difference.
posted by filthy light thief at 11:22 AM on January 6, 2010

BTW, just for the heck of it: the picture of Nathan Fillion that pretty much single-handedly bumped me up a point or two on the Kinsey scale.
posted by kmz at 11:27 AM on January 6, 2010

Captain Jack versus Doogie?

Yeah, NPH seems like a wonderful guy and all but he's up against the hottest man on the Boeshane Peninsula. (Plus, Captain Jack can get you high and all that ...)
posted by octobersurprise at 11:28 AM on January 6, 2010 [1 favorite]

I'm so sad I missed this because hello captain jack 4ever! That man is the definition of sexy.
posted by ch1x0r at 11:28 AM on January 6, 2010

NPH, big time. Barrowman may play the first Han Solo-calibre queer badass, but Harris is a Doogie/Barney/Dr. Horrible all-singing, all-dancing triple threat. No contest.

Also, I'm not sure how the Smith/Harris dust-up occurred without anybody mentioning their first crossover in Smith's 1999 Jay & Silent Bob comic Chasing Dogma. It was a goofy road-trip story that was originally written as a storytelling bridge to explain how J&SB made it from New Jersey to Illinois between Chasing Amy and Dogma, and large chunks of it ended up being reworked into the screenplay for 2001's Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back.

To make a long story short, the second issue has J&SB stumbling onto a porno set, only to discover that the crew is making "Doogie Nights," a XXX version of Doogie Howser, M.D.. The porno turns out to be directed by a crazed (and at the time, nearly-forgotten) Neil Patrick Harris, who is determined to reboot his career by any means necessary. There are very strong parallels between the fictionalized Harris seen here and Harris' own turn as a degenerate version of himself in Harold & Kumar five years later.

Coincidence? Or does NPH owe Kevin Smith, big time?
posted by Strange Interlude at 11:29 AM on January 6, 2010

Just in case you hadn't seen it: Rad Bromance.
posted by greekphilosophy at 11:29 AM on January 6, 2010

hello captain jack 4ever

I'm straight for Johnny Depp. *nosewrinkle*
posted by greekphilosophy at 11:29 AM on January 6, 2010

Is there a term for when a straight guy has a crush on a gay guy?

Hobromance, probably.
posted by magstheaxe at 11:30 AM on January 6, 2010

Just want to say, this really is a "best of the web" moment. I love how big this became. Hurray for st00pid Internet polls that have legs!
posted by Joey Michaels at 11:30 AM on January 6, 2010 [1 favorite]

Hobromance sounds like a disease you'd get from kissing a homeless person, gay or straight.

Although I'm a huge fan of Lady Gaga, I'm not too up on what the Haus or fanbase will grant me when I bring the topic back to her. If it's some form of recruitment, that's cool. I'm a bit bitter the gays didn't recruit me, an alienated, sensitive boy. I thought I was a prime candidate!
posted by mccarty.tim at 11:49 AM on January 6, 2010 [1 favorite]

This FPP is good simply because it taught me NPH was gay.
posted by spamguy at 11:51 AM on January 6, 2010

The Rad Bromance video should have been made by Judd Aptow. He has the budget, the pool of talent, and the sense of humor to pull such a thing off.

And while we're on Gaga, here's one of my favorite parodies. It's a little something for the MeFights in the room.
posted by mccarty.tim at 11:52 AM on January 6, 2010

slimepuppy

Josh Hollogay, here.
posted by The Confessor at 12:13 PM on January 6, 2010

My personal favourite expression: 'hetero-boner'.

Ahem, I prefer the much more concise term, broner, used in the the same way.
posted by utsutsu at 12:32 PM on January 6, 2010

but Harris is a Doogie/Barney/Dr. Horrible all-singing, all-dancing triple threat. No contest.

John Barrowman ain't such a bad singer himself.
posted by GeekAnimator at 12:37 PM on January 6, 2010 [1 favorite]

KILT, people, KILT!!! KILT FOR THE WIN! (Matching dog bow is bonus)

Also, happy birthday, kittens for breakfast. You can't call me a crazed Whedonite anymore, 'cause I voted for Captain Jack, damn it. The kilt cinched it.
posted by bitter-girl.com at 12:50 PM on January 6, 2010

Who would win in a fight: kittens for breakfast or ArmyOfKittens?

Hey, guys! Am I too late for the ...oh.
posted by kittyprecious at 12:51 PM on January 6, 2010 [5 favorites]

Yeah, NPH seems like a wonderful guy and all but he's up against the hottest man on the Boeshane Peninsula.

?
posted by Solon and Thanks at 12:58 PM on January 6, 2010 [1 favorite]

(& OMG: NPH FTW. QFT.)
posted by kittyprecious at 1:05 PM on January 6, 2010

Also, happy birthday, kittens for breakfast. You can't call me a crazed Whedonite anymore, 'cause I voted for Captain Jack, damn it. The kilt cinched it.

Awwww, happy birthday back atcha! Your good judgment reassures me in this dark hour of advancing decrepitude.
posted by kittens for breakfast at 1:12 PM on January 6, 2010

Hey, you're not the Face of Boe yet, kittens!
posted by bitter-girl.com at 1:17 PM on January 6, 2010 [1 favorite]

Obviously, the only fair way to decide the Big Gay Battle would be for Harris and Barrowman to have sex with each other. The first one of them to climax loses. Of course, they would have to do it in a public arena, or do it online via streaming video, so that we could all watch as impartial observers, y'know, to cheer our favorite guy on, and to make sure there is no cheating, that sort of thing. Strictly regulatory interest.

And then there could be a rematch.
posted by Asparagirl at 1:22 PM on January 6, 2010 [4 favorites]

The hivemind libido has been sparked.
posted by Theta States at 1:51 PM on January 6, 2010

Asparagirl, I think that's a great idea but I think it'd be a little bit more fair if there was a 3rd party involved who could weigh in and judge the action impartially and report back on the experience. I'll take one for the team and volunteer my services.

You're welcome.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 1:54 PM on January 6, 2010 [1 favorite]

Shouldn't the celeb also be considered for what he has done for the image of gays and bis? Has NPH ever played a gay or bi character? Certainly not for as many screen hours as Barrowman...
posted by CarlRossi at 2:32 PM on January 6, 2010 [1 favorite]

Man, how does a geek PICK? Seriously, I couldn't. (Okay, I'd rather boff one than the other, but they're both awesome.) They sing, they dance, they're hot, and they know what other geeks are talking about.

I suspect NPH is gonna win though.
posted by jenfullmoon at 2:35 PM on January 6, 2010

kittyprecious: Hey, guys! Am I too late for the ...oh.

*high fives*

*falls down, punch-drunk*
posted by ArmyOfKittens at 3:07 PM on January 6, 2010

That this is even a question is yet another thing I lay at the feet of dazed Whedonites!

C'mon - Barrowman snogged James Marsters on Torchwood, thus igniting a thousand thousand cross-verse slashfics, so it's not as clear cut as all that.

Anyway, I voted for NPH, partly because Barrowman's neck freaks me out, but mostly because Alyson Hannigan told me to.
posted by Sparx at 3:16 PM on January 6, 2010

Is there a term for when a straight guy has a crush on a gay guy?

Yes. Gay.

Team NPH!
posted by ChurchHatesTucker at 3:27 PM on January 6, 2010

Barrowman's "Six Degrees of Joss Whedon" connection: Captain Jack meets Captain John.
posted by ErikaB at 3:54 PM on January 6, 2010

So Neil Patrick Harris said, "he just cast him in the movie and filmed him doing crazy shit" about Jason Mewes in an interview about Harold & Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay? Isn't that exactly why he's doing in the Harold & Kumar movies?
posted by kirkaracha at 3:59 PM on January 6, 2010

kirkaracha: I am torn. Are you being ironic or did you actually miss every last conceivable bit of the entire point of that exchange besides that particular out of context quote?
posted by Sparx at 4:19 PM on January 6, 2010

Is there a term for when a straight guy has a crush on a gay guy?

Progress?


And wow, tough choice, though I'd have to give the edge to NPH. But yes, yes, there should be some sort of match, possibly with other contenders and oh shit now I've got a head full of slash.

Again.
posted by desuetude at 4:33 PM on January 6, 2010 [2 favorites]

Results are in! Spoiler: NPH by a ridiculously wide margin.
posted by ErikaB at 6:00 PM on January 6, 2010

NPH on top by a ridiculously wide margin.

(I'll be in my bunk.)
posted by octobersurprise at 6:28 PM on January 6, 2010 [1 favorite]

NPH by a ridiculously wide margin.

lame.
posted by John Kenneth Fisher at 6:29 PM on January 6, 2010

FINE. But now NPH has to wear a kilt, too. Rules are rules. *

* note, is my rule, may not apply everywhere
posted by bitter-girl.com at 6:30 PM on January 6, 2010 [2 favorites]

Laaaaame.
posted by brundlefly at 6:32 PM on January 6, 2010

Is it too late to change my vote? Because my disappointment on Barrowman's behalf is proof that I voted unwisely. I TAKE IT BACK I WANT CAP'N JACK TO WIN *sob*
posted by ErikaB at 6:51 PM on January 6, 2010

Congrats to NPH! Although I was really hoping they'd be tied and have to wrestle for it. On live TV maybe. Shirtless perhaps.
posted by grapesaresour at 7:32 PM on January 6, 2010

Great snakes, I do love NPH. His letter upon winning should be added to some sort of book of awesomeness.
posted by bayliss at 7:49 PM on January 6, 2010

You guys, NPH played the Fairy ShoePerson on Sesame Street. Complete with glittery white suit and wings. And he did a song and dance number about finding the perfect shoe. His wit was dry, his comic timing perfect. With many apologies and slashy, libidinous tears shed for Captain Jack, it's gotta be NPH.
posted by KathrynT at 8:11 PM on January 6, 2010

OMG KathrynT, I had no idea about the Fairy ShoePerson, that is so great!
posted by ErikaB at 8:25 PM on January 6, 2010

As a geek fag I've got to say I voted in this poll before it went crazy viral.... for Sir Ian Mckellen. He might not be as young or have the eye-candy factor that NPH & Cpt Jack do, but he's got a few solid points in his favor. 1.) He was an out Brit actor years before it was cool. You know, gay elder statesman and all that. 2.) In terms of the geek hotness roles, he wins hands down: Gandalf & Magneto.
posted by OntologicalPuppy at 11:35 PM on January 6, 2010 [3 favorites]

I voted in this poll before it went crazy viral.... for Sir Ian Mckellen.

He would have been my choice, too!
posted by Sidhedevil at 12:33 AM on January 7, 2010

Neil Patrick Harris Tells Jimmy Kimmel About 'Being Gay Man of the Decade'.
posted by ericb at 5:48 AM on January 7, 2010

Sir Ian Mckellen. He might not be as young or have the eye-candy factor that NPH & Cpt Jack do...

But the thing is (and oh, what a thing it is) that it's far, far easier for celebrities to come out when they're older (which is often read as past their prime or sexless) and they've already established their bona fides. Yes, he came out in the late '80s, before it was "cool"...but he was already almost 50.

What's truly revolutionary about NPH (and OK, fine, Barrowman, but from a U.S. perspective, "starred in a Russell T. Davies series" does not exactly equal "big big star" and thing [that THING, again!] is that the U.S. has a bit farther to come around on this than the UK does) is that he's a young, sexy actor in his career prime who came out pretty nonchalantly and was embraced by America. Who else can we really point to? Portia de Rossi? Maybe.* Rupert Everett? Look how that turned out. B.D. Wong? Guillermo Diaz? Not exactly stars.

Sure, Neil is mostly playing straight roles, but that in itself is pretty groundbreaking...it used to be conventional wisdom that audiences wouldn't accept known gay stars playing straight because it would be "tainted" by their off-screen lives. We're making progress (in weird, unexpected ways) and I say HOORAY, NPH!


*Unfortunately, America's patron saint of loveyness Ellen wouldn't count since she was 40ish when she came out and would really not allow herself to be classified as a sex symbol.
posted by kittyprecious at 7:25 AM on January 7, 2010 [1 favorite]

Sure, Neil is mostly playing straight roles,

Not only that, but two of his most well known rolls, Barney and Bizarro NPH from the Harold & Kumar films are both not just straight, but unabashed womanizers. It would be easy for him to just play a quiet straight dude, but he's opting for characters who are known specifically because of their love for obnoxiously chasing ladies.

Which I find fantastically funny.
posted by quin at 10:53 AM on January 7, 2010

Ok, so people do know of this Barrowman character -- I had to wiki him, so perhaps I'm not the best judge, but NPH? Dr. Horrible? Contest over. Any contest.
posted by Durn Bronzefist at 12:40 PM on January 7, 2010

I CALL ON NPH, OUR AVATAR OF WAR: NEW JERSEY HAS JUST BEEN SHITTY! COME, MY HERO! MY GAY OF THE DECADE! DO YOUR WORST AND AVENGE US! UPROOT THE GARDEN STATE AND IN ITS PLACE LET THERE RISE A KINGDOM OF HOMONESS!

*sigh* It's never going to hurt less, is it?
posted by greekphilosophy at 2:11 PM on January 7, 2010 [1 favorite]

Totally (un)related...

I recommend watching the 2008 BBC documentary 'The Making of Me'. In it John Barrowman "sets out to unearth what the latest scientific research can tell him about the origins of his homosexuality."

YouTube - 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6.

posted by ericb at 2:18 PM on January 7, 2010 [2 favorites]

NEW JERSEY HAS JUST BEEN SHITTY!

Dammit. I just heard the news: NJ Senate Rejects Marriage Equality Bill 20-14.
posted by ericb at 2:21 PM on January 7, 2010

Dammit. I just heard the news: NJ Senate Rejects Marriage Equality Bill 20-14.

They're taking the issue back to court.
posted by Blue Jello Elf at 5:17 PM on January 7, 2010

is anyone else sad that this is the only post in the blue with the "johnbarrowman" tag?
posted by CitizenD at 1:03 PM on January 8, 2010