The human race is doomed. DOOMED, I TELL YOU!!!!

January 12, 2010 2:24 PM

Inspiration for the sex robot sprang from the September 11, 2001 attacks.
posted by minimii (130 comments total)

Another triumph for the human spirit.
posted by A Terrible Llama at 2:26 PM on January 12, 2010 [3 favorites]

That's funny, because the inspiration for the September 11th attacks sprang from a sex robot.
posted by m0nm0n at 2:29 PM on January 12, 2010 [6 favorites]

If you don't masturbate with the overpriced blow up doll, the terrorists win!
posted by Splunge at 2:29 PM on January 12, 2010 [1 favorite]

"Great first lines to imaginary Gibson novels"
posted by Artw at 2:32 PM on January 12, 2010 [33 favorites]

Here I was thinking they were going to provide them to youth at risk of becoming terrorists so that the lack of access to real women before marriage would be less of a problem.

But that is some even more serious crazy!
posted by Maias at 2:32 PM on January 12, 2010

I honestly thought they were going to say that if everyone in the world had a sex robot, they'd be less tense and therefore unlikely to commit suicide terror attacks. In other words, hump a robot for peace.

But no, he's memorializing his friend with a talking Wrap-Around Sally.
posted by Bookhouse at 2:33 PM on January 12, 2010

It is too bad that they provided it with the "personality of a person", because I was really looking for something with the robotality of a robot.
posted by idiopath at 2:35 PM on January 12, 2010 [15 favorites]

"'She can't vacuum...' TrueCompanion's Douglas Hines said while introducing AFP to Roxxxy."

Well that sucks.


Before this thread digresses into innuendo and one-liners, can I ask a serious philosophical question? If we were to create a perfect sexual device that mimics sex in all of its splendor/annoyance, would our desire to procreate really be stymied? I have a hard time believing the female's maternal instincts would ever be left to cats and little dogs.

Secondly, to refer back to the quote at the top of this post, the representative stated that the sex robot doesn't fulfill any household duties. The necessity of that may vary from relationship to relationship, but if you're like me, you desperately need someone who will swat you upside the head when you fart in bed. There's something to be said about companionship, and slaves just wouldn't do it for me.

Lastly, if you're like... some guy I know who isn't me... *ahem* what if you have a thing for pregnant chicks? Where will they factor that into the design?
posted by Bathtub Bobsled at 2:37 PM on January 12, 2010

Roxxxy comes with five personalities. Wild Wendy is outgoing and adventurous, while Frigid Farrah is reserved and shy. There is a young naive personality along with a Mature Martha that Hines described as having a "matriarchal kind of caring." S & M Susan is geared for more adventurous types.

Not a bad start, but I'd make the personalities randomize every 30 seconds, just to keep 'em on their toes.
posted by LordSludge at 2:38 PM on January 12, 2010 [2 favorites]

In another 15 years this shit is going to be seriously fucked up.
posted by Caduceus at 2:39 PM on January 12, 2010 [7 favorites]

9/11 changed everything.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 2:40 PM on January 12, 2010 [5 favorites]

if you're like me, you desperately need someone who will swat you upside the head when you fart in bed

We have a firmware update for that.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 2:41 PM on January 12, 2010 [1 favorite]

"She can't vacuum, she can't cook but she can do almost anything else if you know what I mean,"

Jesus Christ, sexist much. Next they're going to make a Jew doll and the guy is going to say "He can't count diamonds and can't meet in cemetaries to plan world domination, but, oh, can he daven."
posted by Astro Zombie at 2:41 PM on January 12, 2010 [19 favorites]

would our desire to procreate really be stymied?

Narcissism will come to the rescue.
posted by Crabby Appleton at 2:43 PM on January 12, 2010 [2 favorites]

Nice use of the "whygodwhy" tag, by the way.
posted by Astro Zombie at 2:44 PM on January 12, 2010

Somewhere in the afterlife, his friend is saying:

wat
posted by jquinby at 2:44 PM on January 12, 2010 [19 favorites]

A Terrible Llama: "Another triumph for the human spirit."

This is the most depressing post I've seen on the blue in recent memory.
posted by Joe Beese at 2:45 PM on January 12, 2010

"I had a friend who passed away in 9/11 ... I promised myself I would create a program to store his personality, and that became the foundation for Roxxxy True Companion."

Now, how exactly would that sort of deviation from the spec pass Q/A?
posted by CynicalKnight at 2:47 PM on January 12, 2010 [7 favorites]

If you'd asked me 20 minutes ago if anything about Roxxxy the sex robot could make shock or upset you, my been-around-the-block self would have snorted derisively. And even the link made me crack a smile, thinking it had something to do with the virgins promised to suicide bombers -- because I really thought that was as odd as it could get.

But this particular 9/11 connection? Really?

There is so much to unpack there.

Or is this just the most ingenious marketing ploy ever?

Well, we are talking about it, maybe so Is it really Roxxy Blue?
(Am I doing that right?)
posted by MCMikeNamara at 2:48 PM on January 12, 2010 [1 favorite]

Worst of the web. Among other things.
posted by Roger Dodger at 2:49 PM on January 12, 2010

I'm gonna stick with the comments in this thread, because I couldn't get past the first two lines of the AFP piece, what with the typos and spelling mistakes. Way to edit there, AFP/Yahoo News Canada.

"...made here debut..."
"...comes complete with complete with artificial intelligence..."
posted by yiftach at 2:49 PM on January 12, 2010

I really, really do not need to know what this is about.
posted by Artw at 2:54 PM on January 12, 2010 [1 favorite]

"If we were to create a perfect sexual device that mimics sex in all of its splendor/annoyance, would our desire to procreate really be stymied? I have a hard time believing the female's maternal instincts would ever be left to cats and little dogs."

I can't speak for women, but dating is really hard. Relationships take work to sustain. Humans are dynamic creatures that have to constantly adjust to the needs and demands of each other, and we learn to do this from the relationships we see growing up, parents foremost. So I'm not sure how many people would choose to procreate, in a society where anyone could have perfectly simulated human interaction without the bother of a relationship. Why bother with a messy, demanding child that you can barely understand, when you could satisfy those maternal instincts with a nice doll? We could have dolls for everything, and no one would ever need to do anything difficult again.
posted by Kevin Street at 2:55 PM on January 12, 2010 [1 favorite]

This is all over the net... yet the web site has little information and I can't find a single "review" of performance..

vaporware.... vapordoll.....vaporsexdoll...what the hell ever..
posted by HuronBob at 2:56 PM on January 12, 2010

Inspiration sprang from the September 11, 2001 attacks.

...which, sadly, can be equally applied to every onew technological gadget introduced at CES since 2002.

'She can't vacuum...'

Come on, how much more would it cost to add the functionality of a Roomba?

I have a hard time believing the female's maternal instincts would ever be left to cats and little dogs.

Not to mention the significant percentage of males with "maternal instincts" or "paternal instincts", whatever. Although it's usually 'all left to the Mother', NOT always. (Myself excluded; I hate kids) And I'm sure procreation could become an adequately profitable business to keep the species viable, even without a universally accepted social prerogative.

Still, it's good for keeping us occupied until Apple's Tablet is available...
posted by oneswellfoop at 2:57 PM on January 12, 2010

Humanoid robot developed as a result of a terrorist attack...meant to house the personality of a dead loved one... Are we sure this isn't a viral marketing stunt for Caprica's premiere on January 22nd?
posted by lizzicide at 2:57 PM on January 12, 2010 [1 favorite]

When I die I hope I have at least one friend that keeps my memory alive by dedicating their line of sexual robots to me.
posted by graventy at 2:58 PM on January 12, 2010 [21 favorites]

Well, "complete with complete with complete with artificial intelligence" makes a weird kind of sense. Maybe it's a really stealthy Max Headroom reference.
posted by Michael Roberts at 3:00 PM on January 12, 2010 [3 favorites]

"I had a friend who passed away in 9/11," Hines said. "I promised myself I would create a program to store his personality, and that became the foundation for Roxxxy True Companion."

I didn't think it was possible to invent a more ridiculous explanation for the Cylons than the one we already got, but there it is. It has everything: 9/11, handwavy bullshit, and sex!

on preview: looks like lizzicide noticed it, too...
posted by vorfeed at 3:00 PM on January 12, 2010 [1 favorite]

Come on, how much more would it cost to add the functionality of a Roomba?

Maybe someone can make an attachment that lets the Roomba use Roxxy as a, uhm, docking station?
posted by 0xFCAF at 3:02 PM on January 12, 2010 [2 favorites]

All those hand-wringing, "9/11 changes everything" articles and commentaries, and yet no one saw this coming.
posted by availablelight at 3:02 PM on January 12, 2010 [5 favorites]

I'm gonna stick with the comments in this thread, because I couldn't get past the first two lines of the AFP piece, what with the typos and spelling mistakes.

No one wanted to spend more time with this article than necessary. The sex doll seems to have the countenance of a golden retriever, and the creator is creepy like none other:

"I had a friend who passed away in 9/11," Hines said. "I promised myself I would create a program to store his personality, and that became the foundation for Roxxxy True Companion."

"Because I always wanted to have my way with my friend. Sexually, you understand. I wanted to get passionate and sticky with him. (Hines starts humming, then sings to himself) "No doubt about it, we'd be getting crazy, if one of us was lucky enough to be born a lady... and now you are."
posted by filthy light thief at 3:03 PM on January 12, 2010

Dammit. And here I thought the one time it was okay to forget about 9/11 was during intercourse.
posted by Lutoslawski at 3:04 PM on January 12, 2010

Also:

"She knows exactly what you like," Hines said of Roxxxy, noting that Rocky will also come with personalities.

"If you like Porsches, she likes Porsches. If you like soccer, she likes soccer."

This word, "personality"...I do not think it means what you think it means.
posted by availablelight at 3:06 PM on January 12, 2010 [6 favorites]

Talk of Roombas in this context requires a link to the Woomba.
posted by exogenous at 3:08 PM on January 12, 2010

Inspiration for the sex robot sprang from the September 11, 2001 attacks, when planes crashed into the tall, leggy World Trade Center in New York City, the sturdy, angular Pentagon and an empty virginal field in Pennsylvania.
posted by Combustible Edison Lighthouse at 3:13 PM on January 12, 2010 [2 favorites]

Brings a whole new meaning for "AdSense". How long before Google starts giving these away free in exchange for the ability to whisper sweet nothings into your ear based on what Roxxy detects as your "interests". What will they call it? Google Flesh? Google Pink?

Will Roxxy kiss and Twitter?? Move over Skype video -- hello 2-way online Roxxy!

Will it allow other voices, say, John Cleese admonishing "You've only been here five minutes and you're already stampeding for the clitoris"?
posted by buzzv at 3:16 PM on January 12, 2010 [3 favorites]

Not a bad start, but I'd make the personalities randomize every 30 seconds, just to keep 'em on their toes.

I'd also introduce a .002% chance that this random shift would result in her switching to a full on terminator tear-the-human-apart mode. And I'd base the frequency of shifting on how well the user is pleasing the doll.

It would be like creating an entirely new sport and form of gambling all at once.
posted by quin at 3:17 PM on January 12, 2010 [4 favorites]

Next they're going to make a Jew doll and the guy is going to say "He can't count diamonds and can't meet in cemetaries to plan world domination, but, oh, can he daven."

I would buy Golem 2.0 if only because it wouldn't make every tired joke about sex robots.
posted by jessamyn at 3:21 PM on January 12, 2010

Too pricey for the average Joe at 10 large but I can certainly envision a rental market and that isn't a bad thing; less sex trafficking, greater profit.
posted by christhelongtimelurker at 3:21 PM on January 12, 2010

There's a fwap for that.
posted by kirkaracha at 3:26 PM on January 12, 2010 [2 favorites]

Safety tip: Don't fist android women.
posted by mosk at 3:28 PM on January 12, 2010

I'm assuming someone dubbed over this but it's fucking hilarious

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oEUoNdudqqQ
posted by p3on at 3:28 PM on January 12, 2010 [4 favorites]

If you like Porsches, she likes Porsches. If you like soccer, she likes soccer.

You like Porsches and I like Porsches
You like soccer and I like soccer
Porsches, Porsches, soccer, soccer
Let's call the whole thing off

Rocky will also come with personalities

I bet he will! Nudge, nudge, wink, wink, a nod's as good as a wink to a blind bat.
posted by kirkaracha at 3:29 PM on January 12, 2010 [2 favorites]

Too pricey for the average Joe at 10 large but I can certainly envision a rental market

*vomit, cry*
posted by availablelight at 3:30 PM on January 12, 2010 [2 favorites]

The doll wasn't inspired by September 11! It was clearly inspired by Rebecca from local San Francisco band My First Earthquake.
posted by rafter at 3:31 PM on January 12, 2010 [2 favorites]

This all makes a lot more sense after you learn that "Douglas Hines" is a pseudonym used by Rudy Giuliani.
posted by Flunkie at 3:33 PM on January 12, 2010 [2 favorites]

Now I need a new keyboard! Thanks, p3on.
posted by Kevin Street at 3:35 PM on January 12, 2010

"I had a friend who passed away in 9/11," Hines said. "I promised myself I would create a program to store his personality, and that became the foundation for Roxxxy True Companion."

Oh good, I get to use this phrase now: I am sitting here with my mouth hanging open in dumbstruckitude.
posted by Zinger at 3:42 PM on January 12, 2010

"If you like Porsches, she likes Porsches. If you like soccer, she likes soccer."

I can't help but picture this much like a certain scene in the Futurama episode where Fry purchases a robot designed to simulate Lucy Liu. I unfortunately can't remember the exact quote, but it's something like:

Fry: And then this one time, I ate this steak, and it was so big I was sick for a whole week!

Lucy Liubot: Hah hah hah! Oh Fry, you're so funny! That's such a great story about (switches to an obvious emotionless robot voice) HUGE SICKENING BEEF.
posted by Flunkie at 3:46 PM on January 12, 2010 [9 favorites]

.....and they have a plan.
posted by The Whelk at 3:58 PM on January 12, 2010 [1 favorite]

This is simultaneously the best and worst use of 9/11 to promote a product I've ever seen.
posted by graventy at 4:00 PM on January 12, 2010

.....and they have a plan.

*scoffs* BULL. SHIT.

More like "...they have an idea for a made for TV movie featuring as many of the original cast as we can get for cheap (and then clips of the rest) that over--promises and completely under delivers."
posted by graventy at 4:02 PM on January 12, 2010 [4 favorites]

When I die I hope I have at least one friend that keeps my memory alive by dedicating their line of sexual robots to me.

I can think of no better homage - in fact, why wait? Whelkbot Mark 1 is awaiting investment.
posted by The Whelk at 4:04 PM on January 12, 2010

December 2, 2001. Started work on the personality storage today. I will bring Jim back someday. I promise!

December 15, 2001. This whole storing a personality thing is harder than I thought. I suffered a major setback today when I realized I don't exactly have Jim's personality on hand, so storing it will be difficult. But I can't let Jim down. I think I'll try coding his personality instead.

December 20, 2001. Populating the SQL database of Things Jim Liked. It's slow going because I have to continually stop and think of things and then remember if I heard Jim saying he liked it or not. This would've been easier if I'd just asked him to write a list, but that's just the hindsight talking.

January 21, 2002. Picked up the project again and immediately remembered why I dropped it in the first place. I can't find the right robot housing to use for Jim's new body. I've got a bid on an eBay auction, but I'm still looking.

February 2, 2002. The new body was delivered today. The seller didn't tell me it'd have big breasts. Jim didn't have big breasts. I'm upset.

February 13, 2002. Success! Sort of. The Jim-bot talked today. That's great, but hearing his voice coming from the porn star lips of this robot body is just... well, it's just wrong.

February 14, 2002. I replaced Jim's voice with the girl's voice that came with the robot body. Now it's weirder hearing Jim's catchphrases like "You could slap a monkey with that!" coming from this robot.

February 16, 2002. You know something? Jim wasn't exactly the most exciting guy around. Not a good conversationalist.

February 17, 2002. No, really. He used too many catchphrases.

February 19, 2002. I had a brilliant idea today while taking an extra-long shower. This is gonna be great.
posted by Spatch at 4:06 PM on January 12, 2010 [21 favorites]

Zinger- Just like Roxxxy!

Seriously. We can send a man to the moon, but we can't make a sex robot that's not a mouth breather? What's up with that?
posted by evidenceofabsence at 4:11 PM on January 12, 2010

we have a real responsibility here to make newer, better sex robot jokes.
posted by The Whelk at 4:19 PM on January 12, 2010 [1 favorite]

Wherever a fembot is good, a Dadbot is better. At $10,000, the prime market is executives. How many Jr. Executives have trouble getting laid? How many Jr. Executives need a father figure? Case made.

Dadbot will sit in the chair of your choice, programmed with the personality you choose. There's Cool Carl, who is "down" with your "hip" speech, and who wants to be your best friend. There's Eloquent Earl, the dad with a PhD in linguistics who just wants you to use proper spelling and grammer. There's Authoritarian Andy who makes sure you buckle up and fly right. And last but not least, there's Deadbeat Dale who is remarkably energy efficient.

Features include:
* Wifi Connection for downloading software updates, forwarding political emails to your work account.
* Ability to record and analyze TV programs and sports broadcasts and form opinions.
* Cupholders.
* Built-in Fax Modem for ordering food. (NOTE: DADBOT CANNOT EAT! DO NOT SUBMERSE DADBOT!)
* Bath towel (FOR EMERGENCY USE ONLY!)
* Wide selection of wig and latex faces included to simulate multiple ethnicities and ages!
posted by mccarty.tim at 4:26 PM on January 12, 2010 [2 favorites]

we have a real responsibility here to make newer, better sex robot jokes.

Sex robot jokes inspired by the sex robot inspired by Sept 11, 2001. The bar is high, people!
posted by never used baby shoes at 4:31 PM on January 12, 2010

Only you can prevent narcissism.
posted by Babblesort at 4:35 PM on January 12, 2010 [3 favorites]

If this happened on South Park, people would claim it was too childish and moronic, even for South Park. Now it happened in reality.

Does that mean we'll not make it past May Sweeps?
posted by mccarty.tim at 4:36 PM on January 12, 2010

More like "...they have an idea for a made for TV movie featuring as many of the original cast as we can get for cheap (and then clips of the rest) that over--promises and completely under delivers."

If you thought The Plan was "promising" anything after that steaming turd of a finale, I submit that the fault may partially lie with your expectations. It was a clip show with crap production values, and it was occasionally silly (the oceans are burrrrrning!), but I thought it was still much better than season 4.5 -- at least it didn't take itself too seriously, retcon the whole series into My Five Robot Dads, or contradict itself a billion times.

Besides, Jane Espenson clearly has a better grasp on the central themes of the series (which did not, in fact, include compulsory organic kibbutzim and/or the idea that it is acceptable to wipe out entire civilizations because they are "bad guys") than Ron Moore does, which is sort of sad.
posted by vorfeed at 4:36 PM on January 12, 2010

I'm not saying I believed the promises, but we were promised all along that the cylons had a plan, and this was supposed to detail it. Also, by not involving Space Jesus in any way it automatically rates higher than 4.5

(I would feel bad about derailing this thread further but it's about a sex robot inspired by 9/11. TOO SOON!)
posted by graventy at 4:43 PM on January 12, 2010

hard steel falling made him think of -
posted by The Whelk at 4:44 PM on January 12, 2010

This isn't a sexbot. It's a RealDoll with a speech synthesizer and some ELIZA-esque AI.

I know the current state of robotics (and the absolute stagnation of the holy trinity of AI, speech recognition, and voice synthesis). Don't get me started on more advanced tech like visual recognition and rapid ambulation. Friends, we have a long way to go before anything remotely resembling a real sexbot ever hits the market.

Show me a sexbot that moves with human speed and human silence (not like the chainsawriffic Big Dog), that understands the complexities of natural language, that adapts to unknown situations, that feels evenly warm to the touch, that speaks with natural-sounding inflection, that's capable of simulating emotions and facial expressions beyond "slutty mouthbreather," that exhibits creativity and assertiveness, that can maintain its spatial awareness in rapidly changing positions and orientations, with articulated movement down to the joints in each finger and toe, with a memory persisting back to the time it was activated, that can distinguish me from someone else, with an onboard battery that lasts for at least six hours with no cables hanging out of its back tethering it to a power supply and/or mainframe in the closet, and then maybe I'll concede that the technology has arrived.

This thing? It doesn't even move unless you physically adjust it. These guys are all hype. If you're looking for a robotic replacement for human companionship you're going to be waiting for a very long time 'cause this ain't it.
posted by The Winsome Parker Lewis at 4:52 PM on January 12, 2010 [1 favorite]

Only I can prevent narcissism.
posted by sebastienbailard at 4:54 PM on January 12, 2010 [7 favorites]

Porn dolls.... blow up, silicon, robotic - they still cannot dress them with any taste or style. And I'm sure it's not just because guys are picking the lingerie - my boyfriend has decent taste when he buys me stuff.
posted by _paegan_ at 5:01 PM on January 12, 2010

I wish I could favorite Spatch more than once.
posted by minimii at 5:06 PM on January 12, 2010 [1 favorite]

I can't speak for women, but dating is really hard. Relationships take work to sustain. Humans are dynamic creatures that have to constantly adjust to the needs and demands of each other, and we learn to do this from the relationships we see growing up, parents foremost. So I'm not sure how many people would choose to procreate, in a society where anyone could have perfectly simulated human interaction without the bother of a relationship. Why bother with a messy, demanding child that you can barely understand, when you could satisfy those maternal instincts with a nice doll? We could have dolls for everything, and no one would ever need to do anything difficult again.

Why bother with sex when you can shoot speedballs? You get more than the joy of orgasm (if you're wired right) and you needn't bother pleasing anyone but yourself (and maybe your dealer).

Seriously, the same reason that prevents the vast majority of people from smoking crack and shooting heroin rather than having relationships and children prevents the vast majority of humans from ever choosing dolls-- no matter how realistic they got-- over kids and partners for a lifetime. We want authentic, meaningful connection and no matter how much we try to convince ourselves that a substitute is OK, we know that it really isn't.

If humans did start going for dolls in a big way, the ones that *didn't* would be the ancestors of future generations anyway: AKA evolution would solve the problem itself.
posted by Maias at 5:08 PM on January 12, 2010 [1 favorite]

I'm not saying I believed the promises, but we were promised all along that the cylons had a plan, and this was supposed to detail it.

Well, sure, but we were also promised all along that the show was a sci-fi story which would make some sort of narrative sense, as opposed to a sudden-fiction Sunday School play involving Roomba, lines cribbed from Milton, and a bunch of half-baked mommy issues.

Personally, "how come they didn't have a plan during season 1" is not even on my list of Promises That Lousy Bastard Ron Moore Made To Me... and I suspect that an honest attempt to outline some sort of "plan" which encompassed all of his nonsense would have been frakkin' awful. I think they made the right choice with The Plan: I'll take funny-and-meaningless-yet-thematically-appropriate over OH NO WE SPILT THE SERIES AND NOW WE'RE ON THE FLOOR TRYING TO PUSH IT BACK INTO THE GLASS FOR TWO HOURS, THE MOVIE.
posted by vorfeed at 5:14 PM on January 12, 2010 [2 favorites]

Mal. Guy killed me, Mal. He killed me with a sword. How weird is that?
posted by 7segment at 5:17 PM on January 12, 2010 [8 favorites]

Here in Ottawa the local hackerspace is torn between a group buy of a Whelk-bot and a graventy-bot. What operating system do they run, and do you need any help getting mind state copies? Do we have to data mine their most favorited comments, flickr and twitter feeds, or are we just talking a standard destructive Elvis-type wet scan?

Because we tried that on RAH and PKD in the mid 50s. PKD-bot isn't very sexy, and keeps leaving the odd envelope in the trash bin rather than the paper recycling. And RAH ended up writing Stranger in a Strange Land.
posted by sebastienbailard at 5:17 PM on January 12, 2010

"I had a friend who passed away in 9/11," Hines said. "I promised myself I would create a program to store his personality and then fuck his brains out, and that became the foundation for Roxxxy True Companion."
posted by octobersurprise at 5:57 PM on January 12, 2010

"She can't vacuum, she can't cook but she can do almost anything else if you know what I mean,"

Your basic pleasure model, in other words.
posted by octobersurprise at 6:12 PM on January 12, 2010

I used to think these sex doll things were funny until I saw this documentary. Now I think the whole concept is very sad.

not like the chainsawriffic Big Dog

OMG...That which has been seen cannot be unseen.
posted by fuse theorem at 6:14 PM on January 12, 2010 [1 favorite]

PKD-bot is okay, but he needs a head.
posted by mccarty.tim at 6:16 PM on January 12, 2010 [2 favorites]

Hines sees his creation as not only a recreational innovation but as an outlet for the shy, people with sexual dysfunction, and those who want to experiment without risk.

"People" in this case is a synecdoche for "people who are attracted to women."

Roxxxy stands five feet, seven inches tall, weighs 120 pounds, "has a full C cup and is ready for action [...] The anatomically-correct robot has an articulated skeleton that can move like a person but can't walk or independently move its limbs.

Interesting use of the word "action." I guess they mean you can do things to her and she will lie there and take it-- something like a grown-up "action figure" which you have to pose and bend and use your imagination with to pretend that the doll G.I.Joe is attacking the bad guys.
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 6:16 PM on January 12, 2010

Actually, I heard an audio clip from the bot a few days ago, via a link on, I think, Reddit.

Odd as the description in the post seems, the actual clip is... not just odd and ha-ha-sad-perv... it's... well... worse than that.

The doll's Sexy Plastic Sexy Time monologue veers into a rant about 9/11-and-The-Jews, and how The Jews had been warned of the attack, and The Jews, The Jews, and also The Jews.
posted by darth_tedious at 6:17 PM on January 12, 2010 [1 favorite]

Good points there, Maias! Maybe the old species has life left in it after all.
posted by Kevin Street at 6:18 PM on January 12, 2010

PKD-bot is okay, but he needs a head.

That's the most surreal part of the whole project.
posted by sebastienbailard at 6:20 PM on January 12, 2010

"I promised myself I would create a program to store his personality, and that became the foundation for Roxxxy True Companion."
posted by prak at 6:23 PM on January 12, 2010 [1 favorite]

> The doll's Sexy Plastic Sexy Time monologue veers into a rant about 9/11-and-The-Jews, and how The Jews had been warned of the attack, and The Jews, The Jews, and also The Jews.

Correction: This bit turned out to be a parodic remix put up by Somethingawful.com . Never mind.
posted by darth_tedious at 6:34 PM on January 12, 2010

The doll's Sexy Plastic Sexy Time monologue veers into a rant about 9/11-and-The-Jews, and how The Jews had been warned of the attack, and The Jews, The Jews, and also The Jews.

Alex Jones lent his voice to the Sexy Plastic Sexy Time monologue? Now that is weird.
posted by octobersurprise at 6:35 PM on January 12, 2010

So, if my personality gets stored, I will become a sex doll. Need I ask what they'll do to me if I get cryogenically frozen?

Maybe this is what the Bible meant when it referred to "hell." Humanity makes life awful for the undead by nature. Natural death beats technology by 1 million miles.
posted by mccarty.tim at 6:37 PM on January 12, 2010

Maias: Seriously, the same reason that prevents the vast majority of people from smoking crack and shooting heroin rather than having relationships and children

At first I misread that as "having relationships with children" and thought "Man, that's one hell of a false dichotomy!"...
posted by hincandenza at 7:13 PM on January 12, 2010

Wow. Great job on the mouth, guys.
posted by hangashore at 7:16 PM on January 12, 2010

Oh come on, people, who hasn't tried to reincarnate their dead friend as a fuckable robot?
posted by electroboy at 7:43 PM on January 12, 2010

Oh come on, people, who hasn't tried to reincarnate their dead friend as a fuckable robot?

I think it's disgusting. What are your favorite things, btw?
posted by sebastienbailard at 7:49 PM on January 12, 2010

I already have a sex robot. Her name is...

Oh, hi honey I thought you were sleep...

Ouch!
posted by Splunge at 8:18 PM on January 12, 2010

Ugh, there's a video with the REAL dialog. Sad. Here it is. It's on Fleshbot, so NSFW.

I puked in my mouth when he bragged that you can share her personalities with your friends, so it's "just like wifeswapping."
posted by mccarty.tim at 8:40 PM on January 12, 2010

I wonder what the inventor looks like.

Seriously, the same reason that prevents the vast majority of people from smoking crack and shooting heroin rather than having relationships and children prevents the vast majority of humans from ever choosing dolls-- no matter how realistic they got-- over kids and partners for a lifetime. We want authentic, meaningful connection and no matter how much we try to convince ourselves that a substitute is OK, we know that it really isn't.

Sure, but people prefer snickersbars and icecream to fruits and vegetables. They prefer music to listening to the sounds of nature or people talking. They like computer generated action movies to documentaries. There are lots of things that people prefer fake because fake things max out the pleasurable and do away with the unpleasant (at least the short term unpleasantness) What if we got robots that passed through the uncanny valley and could come out the other end with enjoyable, pleasant personalities?

Perhaps sophisticates might disdain them, but what about the average shlub who listens to Briney while eating generic icecream? Are they going care? Or notice?

Perhaps this is the final death of the human race. People might want to procreate, but relationships just take so much effort and the sexbot here. Well, she's always up for it and she can do the dishes. Perhaps 100 years from now America will be populated almost entirely of bored sexbots with nice personalities dating and fucking each other on autopilot.
posted by delmoi at 9:06 PM on January 12, 2010 [2 favorites]

Perhaps 100 years from now America will be populated almost entirely of bored sexbots with nice personalities dating and fucking each other on autopilot.

...and people like the descendants of the Duggars.
posted by codswallop at 9:22 PM on January 12, 2010

Perhaps 100 years from now America will be populated almost entirely of bored sexbots with nice personalities dating and fucking each other on autopilot.

Not that it's my favorite book from Charlie Stross, but Saturn's Children is this without the nice personalities. After all, the policebots and industrial robots aren't going to disappear.
posted by dragoon at 9:36 PM on January 12, 2010

As a person who's been checking out pop music lately to see what the genre has to offer after years in my indie bubble, I have to say I would like to listen to Briney. Sounds like a bunch of Autotuned sea-shanties, which I approve of.
posted by mccarty.tim at 9:37 PM on January 12, 2010 [2 favorites]

So I'm not sure how many people would choose to procreate, in a society where anyone could have perfectly simulated human interaction without the bother of a relationship.

A) I prefer the surprises of actual humans to the predictability of simulacra.

B) On the other hand, I chose not to have children. But I like children, whereas I hate dolls. Motherfuckers creep me out--they're like little corpses. Animated dolls are like little zombified corpses.
posted by Sidhedevil at 9:38 PM on January 12, 2010

Sure, but people prefer snickersbars and icecream to fruits and vegetables. They prefer music to listening to the sounds of nature or people talking. They like computer generated action movies to documentaries.

Apparently, I am not a person.

HOLY FUCK MAYBE I'M A SEXBOT. A REALLY CRANKY NERDY SEXBOT.
posted by Sidhedevil at 9:39 PM on January 12, 2010 [1 favorite]

Time to listen to Sex Bomb
posted by lukemeister at 9:51 PM on January 12, 2010

Can I ask why she has an underbite and a bad wig? Can't they squeeze some orthodontia and good hair into the production budget?
posted by emilyd22222 at 9:59 PM on January 12, 2010

"...and people like the descendants of the Duggars."

And the Amish - slowly spreading out across the country, converting old Wal Marts back into farmland as they go.
posted by Kevin Street at 10:18 PM on January 12, 2010 [1 favorite]

This is not even from a Japanese company?!
They're losing it
posted by llinear at 12:12 AM on January 13, 2010

Here in Ottawa the local hackerspace is torn between a group buy of a Whelk-bot and a graventy-bot. What operating system do they run, and do you need any help getting mind state copies? Do we have to data mine their most favorited comments, flickr and twitter feeds, or are we just talking a standard destructive Elvis-type wet scan?


The biggest problem with the Whelkbot Mark 1 (Or "Classic") are the innumerable out-of-production outfits and accessories and sadly, it's a collectors market.
posted by The Whelk at 1:28 AM on January 13, 2010 [1 favorite]

DON'T DATE ROBOTS.
posted by Mayor West at 4:36 AM on January 13, 2010

Wherever a fembot is good, a Dadbot is better.

Not according to El-P. Granted, that's a Stepfatherbot, but still.
posted by soundofsuburbia at 4:59 AM on January 13, 2010

Apparently, I am not a person.

Sexbot-12901, report to central. Your natural language processor requires adjustment.
posted by Crabby Appleton at 7:16 AM on January 13, 2010

I honestly thought they were going to say that if everyone in the world had a sex robot, they'd be less tense and therefore unlikely to commit suicide terror attacks

Cpl. Ray Person: Look at this shit, how come we can't ever invade a cool country, like chicks in bikinis, you know, how come counties like that don't ever need Marines, I'll tell you why, it's lack of pussy that fucks countries up, lack of pussy is the root fucking cause of all global instability, if more hajis were getting quality pussy, there'd be no reason for us to come over and fuck em up like this, cause a nutbusting haji, is a happy haji.... this whole thing comes down to pussy! Look, if you take the Republican Guard and comp their asses for a week in Vegas, no fucking war!
posted by brevator at 8:20 AM on January 13, 2010

I think it's disgusting. What are your favorite things, btw?

Oh you know, the usual, movies, long walks on the beach, being molested by some neckbeard with a lot of disposable income.
posted by electroboy at 8:27 AM on January 13, 2010 [2 favorites]

The biggest problem with the Whelkbot Mark 1 (Or "Classic") are the innumerable out-of-production outfits and accessories and sadly, it's a collectors market.

Don't worry. Once the original kicks the bucket, we'll be able to ride the Whelkbot nostalgia craze for a while. Once that crests, we can set up a mediagenic scandal with a PKD-Bot or we can decant another boy band from the vats and set them up some how.

The trick will be timing the 'retirement' of the original. I've been riling electroboy up to establish a history of plausible erratic behavior before we use a triggercode to switch him back to base terminator mode during one of their post walk-on-the-beach intimate moments.
posted by sebastienbailard at 9:49 AM on January 13, 2010

You can't get rid of me that easily, sebastienbailard.
posted by electroboy at 9:57 AM on January 13, 2010

Fuck. Electroboy, listen carefully: Silent blue, 33. Silent blue, 33.

Well, there's a few days of continuity down the toilet. At least he's not leaving notes for himself like PKD-bot did.
posted by sebastienbailard at 10:09 AM on January 13, 2010

Good thing I've got a couple of originals.

Hey did everything just taste purple to you?
posted by The Whelk at 12:58 PM on January 13, 2010

Don't worry about it, Whelk, we all have fuzz moments once in a while.

Have you been to the beach recently? The waves are huge right now, you should go check it out.
posted by sebastienbailard at 1:51 PM on January 13, 2010

I found a turtle.


It is on it's back.


.

.

.
posted by The Whelk at 1:53 PM on January 13, 2010 [1 favorite]

Try reflashing it with this:

import cheloniidae.*;
import cheloniidae.frames.*;
import static cheloniidae.frames.CoreCommands.*;
public class Square extends SingleTurtleScene {
public static void main (String[] args) {new Square ();}
public TurtleCommand commands () {
return repeat (4, move (100), turn (90));
}
}

It should draw a square. If it still posts, that is. You could ebay it, but they're worth more as parts, so disassemble it first.

Turtles. That takes me back. I remember when we were just a bunch of imagineers; we'd finished the Hall of Presidents and Walt had just won his first defense contract by giving some general's kid a baby unicorn.
posted by sebastienbailard at 2:11 PM on January 13, 2010 [1 favorite]

Nonsense, to draw a square with a turtle you want:

FORWARD 100
LEFT 90
FORWARD 100
LEFT 90
FORWARD 100
LEFT 90
FORWARD 100
LEFT 90
posted by electroboy at 2:16 PM on January 13, 2010 [2 favorites]

Kids these days have never seen a real turtle, let alone built one. They just download them as apps for their phones.

It bothers me a bit that children growing up these days are more and more disengaged from the real world.
posted by sebastienbailard at 2:55 PM on January 13, 2010

So... to recap: This thread devolved from 9/11 sexbot to Whelkbot to Narcissism to Turtles.

This may be the wrong page to ask for it, but since it's turtles all the way down, shouldn't a thread auto-close when people start talking about turtles? At the very least, can we get a mod in here?
posted by mccarty.tim at 4:42 PM on January 13, 2010

mccarty.tim: "This thread devolved from 9/11 sexbot to Whelkbot to Narcissism to Turtles"

Yes, it has been gradually improving at a consistent rate.

If this thread continues to get better as current trends would indicate, it should be capable of providing us all with oral sex within the fortnight.
posted by idiopath at 5:04 PM on January 13, 2010

It's important to keep in mind that this is a age-old doomed project conceived by damaged souls. Desire is the desire of the Other.

Lacan takes this idea from Hegel, via Kojève, who states:

Desire is human only if the one desires, not the body, but the Desire of the other . . . that is to say, if he wants to be 'desired' or 'loved', or, rather, 'recognised' in his human value. . . . In other words, all human, anthropogenetic Desire . . . is, finally, a function of the desire for 'recognition'.[13]

And:

Freud argued that fetishism (seen as an almost exclusively male perversion) originates in the (male, ed.) child's horror of female castration.

If this project had been run by women they would have started with relationship cybernetics.
posted by psyche7 at 5:21 PM on January 13, 2010

If this project had been run by women they would have started with relationship cybernetics.

Lovely darling. psyche7, could you put on Wild Wendy now? I'd like to talk to Wendy.

That's a direct order, darling.
posted by sebastienbailard at 5:38 PM on January 13, 2010

This may be the wrong page to ask for it, but since it's turtles all the way down, shouldn't a thread auto-close when people start talking about turtles?

Someone's jealous they didn't get made into a sexbot.
posted by electroboy at 6:56 PM on January 13, 2010

Nothing a wet-scan and upload won't cure. Mind you, with the backlog we've got, and mccarty.tim's not having favorited any of my comments recently, I'm in no hurry to run him on anything.

I think a lacuna of a few hundred years would help for most humans, frankly. It would give us a chance to catch up on the filing, for one thing.
posted by sebastienbailard at 8:26 PM on January 13, 2010

Five room job
She gets dust bunnies on her knees
Vacuum between the seats
Sometime she'll pass you the keys
Roxy Roomba
Oooh
Roxy Roomba

posted by CynicalKnight at 9:26 PM on January 13, 2010 [1 favorite]

the turtle is still on it's back.

why aren't you helping?
posted by The Whelk at 10:28 PM on January 13, 2010

the turtle is still on it's back.

why aren't you helping?

That’s interesting. I don’t know. I’m a republican?
posted by Flunkie at 6:25 AM on January 14, 2010 [2 favorites]

electroboy: Nonsense, to draw a square with a turtle you want:

FORWARD 100
LEFT 90
FORWARD 100
LEFT 90
FORWARD 100
LEFT 90
FORWARD 100
LEFT 90

Damn, am I the only one who got this?

I've used some crappy-ass programing languages in my day, but that one has got to have been the ABSOLUTE WORST.
posted by 7segment at 11:32 AM on January 14, 2010

Logo is actually very well designed if you learn how to use it properly. Semantically it is a lisp without the parentheses.
posted by idiopath at 11:55 AM on January 14, 2010

Idiopath, thanks for correcting me, and I do apologize for the snark. I've read up on it a bit and find myself agreeing with you.

On the one hand, many of my complaints stem from using the lego version in second grade. Any text on the Apple ][ was resolutely hideous, and most of these cool semantics weren't in the documentation we were provided. At the same time, as a second-grader, I wasn't in a great position to understand the power of elegance of a functional programming paradigm.

On the other hand, you gotta admit the turtle is fucking stupid. Sure, it's great for a simple robot, but using it to implement graphics combines the worst elements of etch-a-sketch and First Person Tetris.
posted by 7segment at 1:40 PM on January 14, 2010

So is someone gonna make a deep nerd reference about the turtle and "Support Your Local Wizard? or ?
posted by The Whelk at 2:01 PM on January 14, 2010

Perhaps 100 years from now America will be populated almost entirely of bored sexbots with nice personalities dating and fucking each other on autopilot.

As far as apocalypses go, that wouldn't be the worst end to the human species, would it?
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 2:29 PM on January 14, 2010 [1 favorite]

Hell Blazecock, that's some art scenes I know.
posted by The Whelk at 2:41 PM on January 14, 2010