America Bowl: U.S. Presidents vs. Super Bowls

January 19, 2010 11:07 AM

America Bowl: U.S. Presidents vs. Super Bowls. "44 Presidents. 44 Super Bowls. Finally they battle head-to-head." For example, Abraham Lincoln vs. Super Bowl XVI: "Super Bowl XVI was pretty good. President 16 was pretty great. With malice toward none -- and in this we include the Bengals -- it's Abraham Lincoln in a walkover."
posted by kirkaracha (28 comments total)

There is a kind of crude equivalency between the Super Bowl and the institution of the president..
posted by kuatto at 11:12 AM on January 19, 2010 [1 favorite]

I put together the awesomest guacamole for the Obama inauguration.
posted by GuyZero at 11:15 AM on January 19, 2010 [1 favorite]

There is a kind of crude equivalency between the Super Bowl and the institution of the president.

For both of them, the highlight is generally the commercials.
posted by scrump at 11:17 AM on January 19, 2010 [2 favorites]

President Bush II: Fumble
President Obama: Hail Mary

Score: 0-0.
posted by blue_beetle at 11:17 AM on January 19, 2010

I've never been a huge sports fan- I kind of did the whole baseball cards thing as a kid, but more out of a sense that that was what you did than any real interest in baseball, and I kind of halfassedly follow the Colts- but damn do I love Superbowl parties. I generally don't care who wins or loses, but there are few other times of the year when someone you barely know will invite you into their home to eat their chili.

And brother, I love me some chili.
posted by Pope Guilty at 11:17 AM on January 19, 2010 [4 favorites]

There is a kind of crude equivalency between the Super Bowl and the institution of the president..

Especially since the State of the Union address is carefully scheduled around the Super Bowl.
posted by Burhanistan at 11:20 AM on January 19, 2010

There is a kind of crude equivalency between the Super Bowl and the institution of the president.

Hunter S. Thompson did his best work picking both apart?
posted by 1f2frfbf at 11:26 AM on January 19, 2010 [4 favorites]

blue_beetle: "President Bush II: Fumble
President Obama: Hail Mary"

You're doing it wrong. It's Presidents vs. Super Bowls, not Presidents vs. each other.
posted by Plutor at 11:28 AM on January 19, 2010

Here is what America lives for: the comeback. As the 22nd President, Grover Cleveland lost America Bowl Game 22, leaving the presidents with a narrow two-point lead at halftime. Now, here he was back in the saddle and gunning for revenge -- as 24th President.

The premise is amusing. It's actually a two-phase, three-way game of both superbowl teams vs. each other, then the result of that against the president. The balancing is boiled down in the above-mentioned President 24 v Superbowl XXIV match: in the end he was more presidential than this Super Bowl was Super.
posted by filthy light thief at 11:30 AM on January 19, 2010

Of the 24 up so far, only #3 seems to really have a great President vs. great Super Bowl matchup. Whether that says more about our Presidents or about our Super Bowls, I'm not sure.

When they get to #44, I hope they post at the end of the first quarter of the game. If you're going to judge Obama on the first year of his first term, it's only fair to judge the corresponding Super Bowl by its first quarter alone.
posted by DevilsAdvocate at 11:38 AM on January 19, 2010

Does it come with a biscuit shoved in the side?
posted by mccarty.tim at 11:43 AM on January 19, 2010

It's Presidents vs. Super Bowls, not Presidents vs. each other.

But who would win if John Quincy Adams and Warren G. Harding had a fight?
posted by Mayor Curley at 11:44 AM on January 19, 2010

Warren G would win regulate.
posted by GuyZero at 11:47 AM on January 19, 2010 [2 favorites]

There is a kind of crude equivalency between the Super Bowl and the institution of the president.

Jack Kemp narrowly missed 'em both?
posted by box at 11:52 AM on January 19, 2010 [4 favorites]

Oh come on guys. Let's not talk about presidential fights, because you just know someone will mention Theodore Roosevelt, and then there will be nothing left to talk about. He would win every fight, no exceptions.
posted by mccarty.tim at 11:54 AM on January 19, 2010 [1 favorite]

Let's not talk about presidential fights, because you just know someone will mention Theodore Roosevelt, and then there will be nothing left to talk about. He would win every fight, no exceptions.

Even if someone took away his big stick?
posted by inigo2 at 12:27 PM on January 19, 2010

Let's not talk about presidential fights, because you just know someone will mention Theodore Roosevelt, and then there will be nothing left to talk about.

Sorry, when we talk about presidential fights, all conversations end with BROADSWORDS IN A PIT.
posted by marxchivist at 12:42 PM on January 19, 2010 [1 favorite]

Of the 24 up so far, only #3 seems to really have a great President vs. great Super Bowl matchup.

Sorry, but there is no matchup in any field that could possibly be more overrated on both sides than Jefferson vs. Super Bowl III, which cruises past such stalwarts as Leonardo da Vinci vs. Puritanism and the 21st century Chinese Economy vs. Scrubs on its way to the throne.

All Jefferson's presidency did was prove the ultimate uselessness of Democratic-Republicanism and force Aaron Burr onto the national stage, while Super Bowl III ensured 30 more years of Joe Namath hanging around and being kind of embarrassing on top of creating the most irritating phenomenon in sports, the guarantee.
posted by Copronymus at 12:43 PM on January 19, 2010 [2 favorites]

He would win every fight, no exceptions.

Oh, really?
posted by albrecht at 12:47 PM on January 19, 2010

He would win every fight, no exceptions.

I think you're forgetting Washington: He had a pocket full of horses and fucked the shit out of bears.
posted by shakespeherian at 1:18 PM on January 19, 2010 [4 favorites]

30 more years of Joe Namath hanging around and being kind of embarrassing

I could care less about the team strug-GUH-ling.
posted by Mayor Curley at 1:53 PM on January 19, 2010

Abraham Lincoln had the reach that wouldn't have let Teddy come in range. Plus, deep down you know that Abe had to have been slightly unhinged and that has to give him bonus points.
posted by drezdn at 2:23 PM on January 19, 2010

In high school, we always dreamed about making a Street Fighter style fighting game called "Undead Presidents" where you could pick your favorite president and use a zombie version of him to fight other zombie presidents. It's a shame it never came about.
posted by drezdn at 2:26 PM on January 19, 2010

Very cool. For an encore, I suggest comparing the presidents to The Nails' 44 women:

John Adams passed the Alien and Sedition Acts which allowed the government to squelch criticism.

Meanwhile, Carla was the one who "put it in."

I think the winner in this contest is obvious.
posted by bpm140 at 5:53 PM on January 19, 2010

He would win every fight, no exceptions.

So who is the Chuck Norris of presidents?
posted by armage at 6:02 PM on January 19, 2010

I really enjoy some of the writing here.

Every so often a man is thrust into the spotlight unexpectedly. A few rise to the occasion and shine. Others do not -- and turn the light to darkness. This is the story of two of those men, Phil Simms and Chester A. Arthur.

Not to confuse the point of this exercise, but this is about as close as Cleveland has gotten to a Super Bowl. Unfortunately, it's Grover Cleveland.
posted by irisclara at 11:13 PM on January 19, 2010

Abraham Lincoln had the reach that wouldn't have let Teddy come in range. Plus, deep down you know that Abe had to have been slightly unhinged and that has to give him bonus points.

I think here you are underestimating the sheer tenacity and - well - bully of Theodore Roosevelt.

Abe would hope to get first shot in quickly, because after that it would be a tackle.
posted by cavalier at 9:15 AM on January 20, 2010

Yeah, but Lincoln's skinny, and skinny guys fight 'till they're burger.
posted by Pope Guilty at 2:19 PM on January 21, 2010