We Have a Gang of Dinosaurs to Kill

January 27, 2010 6:37 PM

Axe Cop! A comic written by a 5-year-old boy and illustrated by his 29-year-old brother.
posted by Solon and Thanks (90 comments total)

Non-Flash version in the upper-right corner.
posted by eggplantplacebo at 6:42 PM on January 27, 2010 [4 favorites]

It's written by Calvin and illustrated by Hobbes.
posted by SPrintF at 6:43 PM on January 27, 2010 [14 favorites]

this is amazing, thank you for this, i'm laughing my head off right now.
posted by Del Far at 6:44 PM on January 27, 2010

Funny stuff.
posted by sswiller at 6:46 PM on January 27, 2010

Oh man, how much do I have to study before I'm a man so smart I grow a unicorn horn?
posted by ifandonlyif at 6:46 PM on January 27, 2010 [2 favorites]

The Smartist's were the parents of Axe Cop and Flute Cop. They only ate Candy Canes. One day Telescope Gun Cop went back in time and poisoned their candy canes and killed them both. It was their death that inspired Axe Cop and Flute Cop to grow up to fight crime, and eventually kill Telescope Gun Cop (though they had no idea he killed their parents because they bonked their heads).

I mean it's Shakespeare.
posted by sswiller at 6:49 PM on January 27, 2010 [10 favorites]

This is fucking great. Step aside Miller, your days are through because "I'm the goddamned AXE COP". And Morrison, your wacky schtick stinks more of desparation now than it ever did. Who else do I hate?
posted by turgid dahlia at 6:54 PM on January 27, 2010 [4 favorites]

This is some great stuff. Almost makes me want to have kids....almost.
posted by MaryDellamorte at 6:54 PM on January 27, 2010

Yeah, it's very reminiscent of Sam and Max - complete stream-of-consciousness stuff in buddy-cop format. It's also kind of touching that the illustrator is trying to connect with his much, much younger sibling this way.
posted by Slap*Happy at 6:55 PM on January 27, 2010 [1 favorite]

nice! thanks for posting.
posted by ms.jones at 6:56 PM on January 27, 2010

We need to have MORE TRYOUTS!
posted by DecemberBoy at 7:00 PM on January 27, 2010 [14 favorites]

nice! thanks for posting.

Well, I've been waiting years to make the perfect FPP... heavily researched, insightful, life-changing. And then I found Axe Cop. So... yeah.
posted by Solon and Thanks at 7:03 PM on January 27, 2010 [30 favorites]

This is amazingly cute.
posted by spinifex23 at 7:05 PM on January 27, 2010

Non-flash version
posted by Afroblanco at 7:05 PM on January 27, 2010

By the power of the horn, the Snoward family had gone from 1,000 dead kids...to 2 billion, one thousand and one alive kids. It was too many kids for the Earth.

This is fantastic. And a better-written story than many movies I've seen and books I've read.
posted by Drastic at 7:07 PM on January 27, 2010 [1 favorite]

Axe Cop became Axe Cop with Lemon. Hee.
posted by Lucinda at 7:09 PM on January 27, 2010 [3 favorites]

Metafilter: we should put these heads on a stick and hide bombs in them.
posted by fleetmouse at 7:12 PM on January 27, 2010 [2 favorites]

wow, that WAS really good!
posted by gonna get a dog at 7:12 PM on January 27, 2010

Holy crap, this is amazing. I have more to say, but we'll continue later. Psydrozon is outside!
posted by avoision at 7:17 PM on January 27, 2010 [4 favorites]

In a similar vein, you may like Tiny Art Director, in which an ornery little girl tells her artist dad what to draw and then (most often) rejects the finished work.
posted by emilyd22222 at 7:20 PM on January 27, 2010 [20 favorites]

I love the consistent 'theory of contagion' this kid has - blood from monsters and strange creatures (and I guess avocado juice too) reliably turns you into (or gives you properties of) that monster! Sweet!
posted by heyforfour at 7:28 PM on January 27, 2010 [9 favorites]

This is totally fake.

That's right, there is no Axe Cop. That kid just made him up.

Just think about it! If this were real how would a five year old even find out about it, anyway?
posted by aubilenon at 7:30 PM on January 27, 2010 [12 favorites]

Good to know my kid isn't the only one talking about axes and chopping people's heads off. (He's not a psycho, I swear!)
posted by peep at 7:31 PM on January 27, 2010

This is basically the best thing I've seen all year.
posted by Caduceus at 7:32 PM on January 27, 2010

I haven't laughed that hard in a long, long time.
posted by dunkadunc at 7:35 PM on January 27, 2010

I can't find my baby.
posted by otolith at 7:36 PM on January 27, 2010 [2 favorites]

Flute Cop appears to be playing a recorder!
posted by kenko at 7:46 PM on January 27, 2010

This is the best.
posted by painquale at 7:46 PM on January 27, 2010

Un film de DAVID LYNCH
posted by kcds at 7:49 PM on January 27, 2010 [16 favorites]

holy shit yes.
posted by potch at 8:19 PM on January 27, 2010

I don't need to ever read any more comics by Marvel or DC because no fan-service retcon will ever top the majesty of Axe Cop 0.
posted by No-sword at 8:28 PM on January 27, 2010

This is the best comic I have read in years.
posted by Sticherbeast at 8:33 PM on January 27, 2010

I love it.
posted by Nattie at 8:35 PM on January 27, 2010

I can't wait for the next installment. Perhaps, by some miracle, Axe Man and Avocado Soldier remember their provenance, and set out to avenge their murdered parents.
posted by arianell at 8:42 PM on January 27, 2010

This is the writer that Heroes should have had this season.
posted by George_Spiggott at 8:45 PM on January 27, 2010 [15 favorites]

Hollywood needs to hire this kid immediately.
posted by bwg at 8:56 PM on January 27, 2010

This is great! Reminded me of Warren Ellis, actually, except less profane.
posted by Kattullus at 8:58 PM on January 27, 2010

Yay! The Blue is picking up some awesome stuff this week. I've been following Axe Cop from the start and I love it. Perfect blend of art and a kid's mindset.

You should all check out the artist's other comic Jesus Christ: In the name of the Gun. Jesus and Ernest Hemmingway team up to kill Hitler. Written by a Christian but perfect for a non-Christian audience. If more Christian's could have a sense of humour about ol J.C. like this I'm sure more people would chill out about them.
posted by AzzaMcKazza at 9:06 PM on January 27, 2010 [5 favorites]

I like the story explaining why Axe Cop 4 contains a singing tree.
posted by painquale at 9:54 PM on January 27, 2010

This is fantastic, thanks.
posted by flatluigi at 10:02 PM on January 27, 2010

So the took Uni-baby to an adoption agency and gave Uni-baby to Choward and Goward Snoward, two parents who at one time had 1,000 children, but they all died of a deadly cough caused by eating too much.

LOL. This is gold.
posted by zardoz at 10:23 PM on January 27, 2010 [1 favorite]

GOLD.
posted by Ratio at 10:45 PM on January 27, 2010

Please tell me they're developing a pilot for HBO.
posted by robcorr at 10:56 PM on January 27, 2010

Sorry, robcorr. It's too cerebral.
posted by flatluigi at 11:18 PM on January 27, 2010 [2 favorites]

I liked the narwhal and the unicorn man. I sense a theme.

Great link! The five-year-oldness definitely shone through the writing, in a good way.
posted by hurdy gurdy girl at 11:52 PM on January 27, 2010

Right after reading this, my wife brought over a small book that my daughter drew pictures in, and then had my wife write a story she dictated. I can say in no uncertain terms that it's the credibility of the art that pushes this from adorable to brilliant, and now I want to hire someone to follow my kids around, illustrating every story they can think of.
posted by davejay at 12:02 AM on January 28, 2010

my daughter's story featured a subplot about a monster making "blood cups", whatever the hell those are, and I can't wait to ask her when she wakes up tomorrow
posted by davejay at 12:03 AM on January 28, 2010 [2 favorites]

Anyone notice Axe Cop doesn't know how to hold an axe?
posted by uncanny hengeman at 1:28 AM on January 28, 2010

I am a fan of manga, especially OnePiece.
Why do they present their comic this way? It is annoying that you have to scroll so much...
posted by diwolf at 1:40 AM on January 28, 2010

Why do they present their comic this way? It is annoying that you have to scroll so much...\

Scroll so much? Ya hardly have to touch the mouse and the page goes flying.

So for some strange reason I don't feel like I'm scrolling "so much." Even tho I am.

There's a bit at the bottom where he asks for suggestions to improve the way it's viewed. Fire away.
posted by uncanny hengeman at 2:09 AM on January 28, 2010

Anyone notice Axe Cop doesn't know how to hold an axe?

Clearly Axe Cop is a renegade cop who plays by his own rules.
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 2:32 AM on January 28, 2010 [11 favorites]

But one day they were both walking backwards. They hit their heads so hard that they forgot everything, even one another.

Funny, the same thing happened to C3PO and Obi-Wan.
posted by Nossidge at 2:32 AM on January 28, 2010 [1 favorite]

As the parent of a five year old boy, this is just amazing - in that it is exactly what my son (and quite a few young boys I know) would come up with - especially the narrative flow, and digressions; the names; the way the characters interact ... brilliant.

Thanks for sharing it!
posted by Megami at 2:49 AM on January 28, 2010

Thanks Avocado Soldier!
posted by bigmusic at 3:13 AM on January 28, 2010

Just when you're feeling jaded about the web, something like this comes along. Fantastic!
posted by rory at 4:05 AM on January 28, 2010

Screw you guys, I'm going to start a new team with Uni-Baby!

This is hilarious.
posted by Life at Boulton Wynfevers at 4:52 AM on January 28, 2010

Best of the Web. This is what it's about -- good fpp!
posted by rahnefan at 4:53 AM on January 28, 2010

Anyone notice Axe Cop doesn't know how to hold an axe?

When you're the Axe Cop, that's when you get an opinion on axe holding.
posted by biffa at 5:04 AM on January 28, 2010 [10 favorites]

Amazing. Had to stop reading it at work as I was laughing too much. Thanks Solon excellent find.
posted by Captain Najork at 5:11 AM on January 28, 2010

This filled me with joy. And a mild fear of cops with axes.
posted by GenjiandProust at 5:30 AM on January 28, 2010 [1 favorite]

Scroll so much? Ya hardly have to touch the mouse and the page goes flying.

There's a bit at the bottom where he asks for suggestions to improve the way it's viewed. Fire away.

The non-flash, non-scrolly version already exists and is linked in the upper-right hand corner. If I had seen it originally I would have linked to it instead.
posted by Solon and Thanks at 5:44 AM on January 28, 2010

Well, I've been waiting years to make the perfect FPP... heavily researched, insightful, life-changing. And then I found Axe Cop.
You did it right.
posted by Wolfdog at 6:08 AM on January 28, 2010

My 6 yr old was laughing so hard when we got to the part where uni-baby explodes psydrozon's head that he was hardly able to breathe.
posted by selfmedicating at 6:36 AM on January 28, 2010 [10 favorites]

I'm going to show this to my 4 yo nephew. If he takes nothing else from it, I want him to see that it's possible for somebody his age to tell a story without using the word "poop" in every sentence.
posted by LiliaNic at 8:57 AM on January 28, 2010

This is great! Reminded me of Warren Ellis, actually, except less profane.

There's no need to insult the kid. He's got talent! Let's leave Warren Ellis out of this.
posted by Legomancer at 9:44 AM on January 28, 2010

Ethan Nicolle has another comic called Chumble Spuzz, also amazing.
posted by clearlydemon at 9:55 AM on January 28, 2010

...without using the word "poop" in every sentence.

You say that like it's a bad thing.
posted by davejay at 10:07 AM on January 28, 2010

Terrific! Every game I ever played with action figures from the ages of 3 to 12...

It reminds me a little bit of Monster Killers and Demon Planet by J Chastain.
posted by codacorolla at 10:10 AM on January 28, 2010

I think I found my next Halloween costume. And my youngest can go as Unicorn Baby.
posted by never used baby shoes at 10:33 AM on January 28, 2010

I'm scared to buy avocados now.
posted by ejoey at 11:14 AM on January 28, 2010

This is stuffed ridiculously full of win. Thanks so much for posting this!
posted by perilous at 11:41 AM on January 28, 2010

Man, why couldn't my older brothers have been this cool when I was five? Mine just tried to make me shoot guns.
posted by mgrichmond at 11:45 AM on January 28, 2010

Love it. Hate the flash, love the bitmap.
posted by chairface at 1:42 PM on January 28, 2010

Suddenly the more convuluded bits of Greek mythology make total sense.
posted by The Whelk at 2:47 PM on January 28, 2010

"Account Suspended"!!?? :(

I only got to see page one. It was awesome.
posted by Durn Bronzefist at 5:24 PM on January 28, 2010

you can also find some of them here.
posted by lester the unlikely at 5:43 PM on January 28, 2010

account suspended? how does that happen, too much traffic? At least I saw them in their full glory this morning
posted by Think_Long at 6:00 PM on January 28, 2010

It was just linked on Entertainment Weekly as "site of the day" ~2 hours ago - wouldn't be surprised if it's a traffic issue.
posted by Solon and Thanks at 6:46 PM on January 28, 2010

Next up ... Michael Bay's AxeCop.
posted by MikeHarris at 6:59 PM on January 28, 2010

haha! These are so CUTE! I love how the comic is all about fighting and bloodthirsty, but at the same time, kind of innocent.
posted by TurquoiseZebra at 7:03 PM on January 28, 2010

These are hilarious. The idea itself is gold.
posted by jcruelty at 7:52 PM on January 28, 2010

Holy crap that is some brilliant stuff. Thanks for the post!
posted by graventy at 9:40 PM on January 28, 2010

The site has been crushed by the weight of the traffic.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 12:13 AM on January 29, 2010

We broked it.
posted by arcticwoman at 6:18 AM on January 29, 2010

They moved it to a new site, he has a cute blog post about it.
posted by Solon and Thanks at 5:32 AM on January 30, 2010

Man, 5-year-olds just have no sense of narrative.
posted by Pronoiac at 4:56 PM on January 30, 2010 [1 favorite]

See the Making of Episode 3.
posted by Pronoiac at 5:09 PM on January 30, 2010

This is amazing.
posted by brundlefly at 2:45 PM on February 2, 2010

Here's an interview with the creators. I'm loving this comic so much!
posted by h00py at 2:43 AM on February 3, 2010 [1 favorite]

This is AWESOME. I laughed myself sick. Both at Ask Axe Cop #5 and the evil flying book that bit people in the head.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 11:34 PM on February 5, 2010