selleckwaterfallsandwich
January 29, 2010 10:28 AM   Subscribe

Tom Selleck + waterfall + sandwich

Complete with official theme song
posted by slogger (78 comments total) 9 users marked this as a favorite

 
That's, um, pretty stupid.
posted by eyeballkid at 10:30 AM on January 29, 2010 [2 favorites]


this feels forced and joyless, like the chicken dance.
posted by The Whelk at 10:30 AM on January 29, 2010 [4 favorites]


I dunno, this strikes me as pretty awesome.
posted by jbickers at 10:31 AM on January 29, 2010 [2 favorites]


The Whelk: "this feels forced and joyless, like the chicken dance."

The combination reminds me of Henry James deploring "the baseness of the arbitrary stroke".
posted by Joe Beese at 10:34 AM on January 29, 2010 [1 favorite]


This strikes me as awesome, without a modifying adverb. Just awesome.
posted by goodglovin77 at 10:34 AM on January 29, 2010


Next: Hasselhoff + earthquake + biscotto
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 10:34 AM on January 29, 2010 [8 favorites]


Just Selleck = dumbest meme ever.

As a template to be toyed with, as weapons-grade just did. It's a lot better. But it still seems forced and self-conscious.
posted by oddman at 10:37 AM on January 29, 2010


Sometimes I see a website and wonder why someone would be willing to waste money paying for hosting for something as outright dumb as that.

Really. It isn't free. Who pays for this? For what purpose? Why not just send me the money instead? I promise I will put it to good use.

(Not by registering winklerrainbowpizza, either. I wouldn't dream of it.)
posted by caution live frogs at 10:39 AM on January 29, 2010


Look at This Fucking Idea for a Blog-to-Book Deal
posted by jcruelty at 10:39 AM on January 29, 2010 [4 favorites]


Somehow I knew this would end up on here. I thought we'd be done with this after the "look at this fucking idea for a blog-to-book deal" thread
posted by Think_Long at 10:40 AM on January 29, 2010


whoops.
posted by Think_Long at 10:40 AM on January 29, 2010


If this is stupid then I just don't know what smart is.
posted by swift at 10:41 AM on January 29, 2010


Next: Hasselhoff + earthquake + biscotto

Dude, don't go there. It ain't pretty.
posted by zarq at 10:41 AM on January 29, 2010


Alright, the links to single subject "conceptual" tumblr blogs have officially gone TOO FAR.
posted by grapefruitmoon at 10:42 AM on January 29, 2010 [2 favorites]


Damn you Zarq, now I gotta expose someone else to that image to cleanse myself.
posted by The Whelk at 10:46 AM on January 29, 2010


Is this something I'd have to have an iPad to understand?
posted by mazola at 10:56 AM on January 29, 2010


Tom Selleck lives in Freedom, CA. FYI.
posted by lalochezia at 10:59 AM on January 29, 2010


You know I don't like to exaggerate, but this is the greatest image of all time.
posted by jbickers at 10:59 AM on January 29, 2010 [3 favorites]


I smiled until I saw the animated gif with Higgins in karate gear. Then I laughed.

The helicopter + whole-turkey sandwich is pretty good too.
posted by mrgrimm at 11:00 AM on January 29, 2010


Okay, this is where you the audience gets involved and the magic starts. I want a famous person, a location and an inanimate object. I heard, "Fuck you," that doesn't qualify.
posted by dances_with_sneetches at 11:01 AM on January 29, 2010 [1 favorite]


wonder why someone would be willing to waste money

Go back and look at it again. The sandwich is the Smoot-Hawley Tarriff Act and the waterfall is the rise of international trade unionism. Selleck is Magnum PI.
posted by stupidsexyFlanders at 11:01 AM on January 29, 2010 [1 favorite]


It's so f'in stupid that I can't stop laughing.

Love the "General Lee" car jump.
posted by stormpooper at 11:02 AM on January 29, 2010


Sometimes I like to think of the internet as a god-like being, The Internet. The Internet gives us exactly what we deserve, no more and no less. The Internet just decided that we deserve Tom Selleck, a waterfall, and a sandwich, over and over again, in perpetuity.
posted by naju at 11:05 AM on January 29, 2010 [2 favorites]


Needs a treehouse.
posted by docpops at 11:06 AM on January 29, 2010


What is it like to live without joy, party poopers?
posted by Astro Zombie at 11:08 AM on January 29, 2010 [4 favorites]


What is it like to live without joy, party poopers?

Oh I have joy. I just don't get it from attempts at forcing unfunny memes in random tumblr blogs.
posted by eyeballkid at 11:11 AM on January 29, 2010 [3 favorites]


If joy = photoshops of Tom Selleck near a waterfall and a sandwich?

Meh. I'll make do.
posted by seventyfour at 11:12 AM on January 29, 2010


It's like you people are talking crazy and don't know it.

Selleck.

Waterfalls.

Sandwiches.
posted by Astro Zombie at 11:14 AM on January 29, 2010


Who Loves Falcor?
posted by studentbaker at 11:18 AM on January 29, 2010


Higgins!
posted by clvrmnky at 11:19 AM on January 29, 2010


Yes, Higgins loves Falcor.
posted by studentbaker at 11:21 AM on January 29, 2010


Mae West!

Abandoned Golf Courses!

Framed pictures of former dictators!

Ha! I think I just pissed myself! I should start a tumblr site!
posted by eyeballkid at 11:21 AM on January 29, 2010 [1 favorite]


Metafilter: Forced and joyless
posted by griphus at 11:22 AM on January 29, 2010


Tom Selleck is my idol. Magnum series was always phantastic to watch.
posted by diwolf at 11:25 AM on January 29, 2010


Can you guys keep in down in here? I'm reading about treehouses.
posted by seventyfour at 11:31 AM on January 29, 2010


Tom Selleck lives in Freedom, CA. FYI.

Liar! The Selleck dwells only in my dreams!
posted by Pollomacho at 11:32 AM on January 29, 2010


This is what Apple should have announced on Wednesday!

Do you see what I did there?
posted by blue_beetle at 11:33 AM on January 29, 2010


OK, to be fair, I like this more than the iPad.
posted by seventyfour at 11:35 AM on January 29, 2010


Wow, those guys at that blog are so WEIRD.


lame.
posted by JBennett at 11:37 AM on January 29, 2010


See What I Did There + Hello Kitty Random + Zero-Effort Irony!

Just Putting Together Stuff + Because You Can + Tired-Ass Retro References!

See? It's Tom Selleck! + See! There's a Waterfall, Too! + Don't Forget WOAH...Sandwich!

This isn't so much lame as it is pat, boring, and goes nowhere.
posted by Lipstick Thespian at 11:43 AM on January 29, 2010 [2 favorites]


boring... I someone posts another celeb+geo+food link, and the mods don't kill them, I will.
posted by HuronBob at 11:52 AM on January 29, 2010


I came back exhausted and depressed from selleckwaterfallsandwich, the sprawling exhibition of international modern art that takes place on Tumblr. The artistic directors this year are the freelance curator John Hillerman and his art historian wife Wendy Blimpie, and between them they have managed to stage the single worst art exhibition I have ever seen anywhere, ever.

Though selleckwaterfallsandwich has more than 500 works, so much of what is on view is second-rate, chosen for who knows what reason and displayed so eccentrically that, just as in the lookatthisfuckingcat's summer exhibition, it is easy to overlook the few really good things in it.

The only thing a critic can do is to try to distinguish between what was done deliberately, and what is simply bad taste. To create their exhibition, Hillerman and Blimpie began by choosing themes so vague as to be meaningless, ranging from "Is the modern our antiquity?" to "What is our mere life?" This enabled them to include any work of art by any artist, living or dead, from any era in history right back to the days of Altavista Image Search.

But entirely absent from almost every work on view is a sense of emotional depth, ambiguity, or psychological or moral complexity. The only possible response to these images is to feel pity or anger, as the artist intended, these are works of reportage or photojournalism, not high art. They have only one layer of meaning. The theme song is well made and the subject may be of interest to some people, but it is informative, not poetic or allusive, and so belongs not in an art exhibition but on the Food Network.

And that brings me to the question of taste. I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw how many works there are on show by the Chilean-born Australian painter Ronald McDonald, an artist whose high-camp imagery is best characterised as pornographic folk art. His heavy-handed satire is what you'd expect in the work of a political cartoonist, only McDonald is a crude draughtsman, uses a Filet-O-Fish as though it were a sledgehammer, and isn't remotely funny. Until this show, I didn't think it possible that his work could receive attention outside of an airport food court.

Of course, there are good things in selleckwaterfallsandwich. But I began to feel that they got in under the radar, by accident, not because the artist had talent, wit or originality but because he or she came from the right part of the world or had the correct political opinions.

Refusing to give us the artists' nationalities is just arrogant, particularly as it denies the viewer information that was available to the selectors.

This is a show organised by two pseuds and intended for graduate students and people who don't really like visual art at all.


Shamelessly stolen, hacked to bits, and otherwise bastardized from here
posted by Ufez Jones at 11:52 AM on January 29, 2010


Those of you who don't find this site funny, I have just one question for you:

Why do you hate America so?
posted by bpm140 at 12:05 PM on January 29, 2010 [3 favorites]


It's the sandwiches we hates. Hates them so much!
posted by blue_beetle at 12:10 PM on January 29, 2010


Dick duster - overflowing toilet - microwave burrito.
posted by pianomover at 12:15 PM on January 29, 2010


Paris Hilton-car wash-hamburger

....oh, never mind....
posted by HuronBob at 12:19 PM on January 29, 2010


I am ridiculously hungry now. CURSE YOU, ENORMOUS PASTRAMI SAMMICH. CURSE YOU AND YOUR TRICKSY WAYS.
posted by elizardbits at 12:28 PM on January 29, 2010


Dirk Benedict. Farmer's field. Salty snack.

You're trying to keep that stiff upper lip of above-it-all snark, but secretly you're already wondering whether you'll get Battlestar Dirk with bar-b-q Ruffles or A-Team Dirk with a sack of Funyons. Either way, it's amber waves of grain and America wins!
posted by gompa at 12:37 PM on January 29, 2010


Larry + Stranger + the Alps
posted by Smedleyman at 12:39 PM on January 29, 2010 [2 favorites]


baconbaconbacon
posted by oulipian at 12:50 PM on January 29, 2010


I didn't want to look too closely in the event one of the sandwiches was a grilled cheese sandwich. Selleck giving out grilled cheese sandwiches next to waterfalls is a Rule 34 violation. Hopefully. The thought of which is nearly as scarring as the memory of the Hasselhoff recursion.
posted by Fezboy! at 12:51 PM on January 29, 2010


That's a lot of chest/facial hair to be around sandwiches without a hair net. Bleh.
posted by stormpooper at 12:53 PM on January 29, 2010 [1 favorite]


Nic Cage is Tom Selleck
posted by Juicy Avenger at 12:54 PM on January 29, 2010


Shit. I mean

that's a lot of exposed chest/facial hair to be around a sandwich.
posted by stormpooper at 12:54 PM on January 29, 2010


A few years back I was stuck in a fairly posh hotel bar in Charleston for the Golden Globes tv ceremony with my husband - that is, we were deliberately in Charleston - but normally we'd enjoy watching the Golden Globes at home. We're both total gluttons for televised film award ceremonies & enjoy them excessively in a completely stupid, superficial, shouty-rude-comments, platter-of-snacks way. Anyway, we were sitting in the otherwise empty bar, watching the set above the bar, muttering the usual stupid rude comments to each other about the speeches & the clothes (fairly quietly) when the 60something barman started - timidly at first - then more robustly - joining in. So the whole evening became a blast - turned out he'd worked all sorts of celebrity events in hotel bars through a long career, thoroughly entertaining, delightful guy & I used to be a celebrity journalist - so we were trading stories etc. Then, just after the end of the Globes, when we were leaving & the barman was locking up, the barman says: "Guess who is the worst - and I mean the rudest celebrity I've ever served. You'll never guess his name in a million years, because he's the one guy you'd swear blind must be as nice as he looks. I promise you'll be really shocked, but I can tell you, he was absolutely horrendously rude."

So we thought & guessed again & again - flinging out all the usual suspects - Sean Penn, Russell Crowe, Sean Penn etc.

And the bar guy goes: " No. I told you you'd never guess. The rudest celebrity I've ever served in my life is Tom Selleck."

(Then he locked up and left!)
posted by Jody Tresidder at 1:04 PM on January 29, 2010 [1 favorite]


why
posted by angrycat at 1:06 PM on January 29, 2010


Today is Tom Selleck's birthday. He is 65. I learned this, like many other things, on ESPN radio's Mike and Mike in the Morning.
posted by Sk4n at 1:34 PM on January 29, 2010


I think that all these "hey look at this stupid/ridiculous thing!" blogs seem to be some sort of neo-neo-Dada movement. Like, we're so overwhelmed with how godawful the state of the world is right now and we're rejecting the entertainment and social standards that got us here. Maybe the Internet is populated by a new Lost Generation.

Or maybe they're all desperate attempts for book deals. Who knows?
posted by giraffe at 1:51 PM on January 29, 2010 [3 favorites]


Or maybe they're all desperate attempts for book deals.

Look At This Fucking Idea For A Blog-To-Book Deal
posted by Rhaomi at 2:12 PM on January 29, 2010


Is fun for to look at.
posted by jasonsmall at 2:23 PM on January 29, 2010


jbickers: "You know I don't like to exaggerate"

You've been warned a million times about this; stop it.
posted by Hardcore Poser at 2:39 PM on January 29, 2010


can the hasselhoff recursion induce the helvetica scenario?
posted by morganw at 2:45 PM on January 29, 2010


It's okay, I guess, but it's no Cat Business Trip.
posted by misha at 2:48 PM on January 29, 2010 [1 favorite]


EXACTLY AS DESCRIBED A+++++ LINK
posted by killdevil at 3:06 PM on January 29, 2010


It's okay, I guess, but it's no Cat Business Trip.

This is gonna to replace meh in my mind.

"Nice, but it's not a kitty business trip."
posted by The Whelk at 3:08 PM on January 29, 2010 [1 favorite]


This had better be NSFW.
posted by Jimmy Havok at 3:15 PM on January 29, 2010


This is stupid. How can people waste their lives on this crap? The one thing it's successful at is providing an argument for why the internet should be dropped in the Marianas Trench and forgotten about forever. I want my two minutes back, along with the minute I'm spending writing this.

Astro Zombie: “What is it like to live without joy, party poopers?”

You will apparently never understand the vast and incomprehensible sense of pride and fulfillment I take in being an angry old man who calls bullshit on idiots who like pointless crap.

Now get the fuck off my lawn, son, before I have to call the cops.
posted by koeselitz at 3:16 PM on January 29, 2010 [1 favorite]


All of the 1970s celebrities mentioned in this thread rolled into one could not carry James Garner's jockstrap.

BAM. Roasted.
posted by evilcolonel at 3:30 PM on January 29, 2010 [1 favorite]


You will apparently never understand the vast and incomprehensible sense of pride and fulfillment I take in being an angry old man who calls bullshit on idiots who like pointless crap.

Now get the fuck off my lawn, son, before I have to call the cops.


So, you're the dad from Shit My Dad Says, right?
posted by evilcolonel at 3:32 PM on January 29, 2010


"A lot of what passes as creativity is just combining things that aren't normally combined." --Scott Adams, TODAY.

Oh, I laughed and laughed, having read this link about 30 seconds after reading Scott Adams.
posted by jenfullmoon at 4:12 PM on January 29, 2010


From now on I am gonna to refer to ladybits as a sellek sandwich and waterfall. Can I get that wrapped up to go please?
posted by srboisvert at 4:36 PM on January 29, 2010


And the bar guy goes: " No. I told you you'd never guess. The rudest celebrity I've ever served in my life is Tom Selleck."

Selleck was probably pissed he never got his sandwich.
posted by inigo2 at 6:32 PM on January 29, 2010


Random juxtaposition is random.
posted by Burhanistan at 7:07 PM on January 29, 2010


i like it, but then i have a sense of humor.

there is great and powerful wit, and then there is combining things to be silly

ill take both with a side of rom-com
plz
posted by Potomac Avenue at 8:22 PM on January 29, 2010


um and ill take walter mondale, with a rainstick, in...er...
the library? no wait...

A 90s CAR COMMERCIAL!
posted by Potomac Avenue at 8:30 PM on January 29, 2010


If you want a picture of the future, imagine a boot Tom Selleck stamping on posing with a human face damp sandwich-- for ever.
posted by flabdablet at 3:28 AM on January 31, 2010


Ah, is there anything Tumblr can't hipsterize?
posted by Spatch at 3:43 AM on January 31, 2010 [2 favorites]


No, Sully, no.....
posted by seventyfour at 11:09 AM on February 1, 2010


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